


Hearts are Blind

by Gravityfair



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Adventure, Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, Comedy, F/M, Love/Hate, Magic, Mystery, Past, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-29
Updated: 2017-12-02
Packaged: 2018-03-04 06:16:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 41
Words: 218,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2955326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gravityfair/pseuds/Gravityfair
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hermione stumbled across something she never should have and it could cost her more than she knows if professor Snape ever finds out. She decides to tell her friends about it, if anything to finally get it off her chest. Follow us into the past as she tells a story of love, friendship and, of course, betrayal. Her tale takes place in Snape's second year as a Hogwarts teacher. It's the same professors you know and love with all new students, who each have something to hide, some darker than others.... Read and review, please!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Lucinda

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer-
> 
> I do not claim any characters from JK Rowling's Harry Potter. The one's I do claim are one's such as Lucinda and her parents, and Aurora and everyone in her family. There are going to be other characters throughout the story that I have also made up and I claim them completely. Since this story is going to be set in the past, the only characters that won't be claimed are all of the teachers, the caretaker, and the kids in the prologue and ending (yes, both will exist). I began this fanfiction back in 2007. I have yet to finish it, but now I will. Stay tuned and enjoy :)

**Hearts are Blind**

**Prologue-**

It was Halloween night at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Students had just finished with their feast, down in the Great Hall, and the Gryffindor common room was currently crammed full of filled bellies and happy faces. Everyone was either crowded around the fire, playing games of Exploding Snap, or sitting in comfy chairs, talking about werewolves, trolls, and gruesome things they'd witnessed. It was a hideous night outside and rain pounded against the window glass, causing a few heads to turn in alarm.

Harry, Hermione, and Ron were sitting in a far corner of the room, ignoring the storm raging just beyond the window pane, and discussing what  _they_  thought was scary.

"You should've seen the thing!" Ron was saying to Hermione. "It was bigger than me and Harry put together!"

"Oh, you're exaggerating," said Hermione, waving a hand. "It couldn't have been  _that_  big."

Ron looked at Harry, "Tell her!"

Harry sighed, "It's true... The thing was  _monstrous_."

"See? I told you. It was..." Ron shuddered. "The most horrific and disgusting spider ever to walk this planet... We were lucky to get out of there alive, damn it!"

"I can't believe you're afraid of spiders," Hermione sniggered.

"Oh, shutup!" Ron yelled. "You wouldn't know scary, even if it stared you in the face!"

"Have you forgotten the troll from our first year, Ron?" asked Harry. "I'm pretty sure she knows scary."

"Oh, yeah..." Ron said, dumbly.

"Actually..." said Hermione, leaning in. "I know of a story that's  _much_  scarier and it's true, too."

"My story  _is_  true!" Ron protested, but Hermione ignored him and continued.

"It's about Professor Snape," she whispered.

"I'm not surprised," said Harry, bitterly. " _Anything_  about him is scary."

"You can't tell anyone," she continued, seriously. Ron snorted and Hermione threw him a threatening glance, "I'm  _serious_! If anyone found out that I knew about this I-I... I'd probably be hunted down by Snape for the rest of my life!"

They both looked at her wildly.

"...How bad  _is_  it?" asked Ron.

Hermione leaned in closer. " _Bad_ ," she said, looking a little nervous. "It happened here at Hogwarts... In Professor Snape's first or second year as a teacher." She paused and glanced around the common room to see if anyone was listening. "Something absolutely  _unbelievable_  happened..."

**Chapter One**

Lucinda Morgan grew up knowing all about Hogwarts. Before she even turned eleven, the magical school was all she ever dreamed of going to. She was a fast learner and her parents were very proud of everything she already knew how to do (of course, it wasn't much; just a few things here and there, like being able to shape and move water with mere will power of the mind, but it was remarkable, none the less). When Lucinda finally got her letter, the joy she felt was beyond belief. Her dream was coming true and her life was moving along just as she'd hoped it would. She imagined the new friends she'd make and the new spells she'd learn at her new school. After all, this particular little girl had been able to do magic since she was four.

Lucinda's dreams were suddenly crushed when her parents informed her of a different plan: they would be homeschooling her.

"How do you homeschool a  _witch_?" she screeched. Lucinda couldn't believe it. After everything... All of the hoping and wishing that her Hogwarts letter would come and she wasn't even going. Were her parents mad? She would've been taught by the best Professors a young girl could ever ask for. Why would they suddenly change their minds? Lucinda always thought her parents were just as enthusiastic about her going to Hogwarts as she was. Certainly they couldn't be serious about the homeschooling... but they were.

Lucinda never got on the Hogwarts Express. She never met other young witches like herself, or young wizards for that matter. She never got to enjoy late nights spent studying in her dormitory, while her friends slept snug under their warm covers. She didn't get the chance to introduce herself to the teachers who would have changed her life forever or the Headmaster either... And Lucinda never even got to see the beautifully lit windows of the Castle, as she arrived with her friends on the train.

Years passed and Lucinda never forgot about her first letter from Hogwarts. In fact, she kept it under her pillow every night, as she lay with tears streaming down her face.

"It isn't... f-fair," she whispered to the ceiling, her breath shuddering with silent sobs. It was the middle of August and, when September came, she'd be in her seventh and final year of schooling. It was too late now. It was completely official... She would  _never_  see Hogwarts.  _Maybe I can just_ visit _the school... Just to get a good look at it,_ she thought hopefully, but Lucinda knew she was just reaching now.

So, here she was in present day: seventeen and miserable.

Lucinda got up the next morning, looking forward to nothing. Perhaps the only good thing about today was the clear sky outside. She looked out her window.

"You're just rubbing it in my face, Sun," she said to the golden mass, coming up over the hill. "I hope you have fun shining on that stupid castle this year, because  _I_  won't be there to see it!" The sunshine was actually a relief after all of the rain they'd been getting.

Feeling a little better, Lucinda left her room on the second floor. She then went down the stairs, skipping two at a time (which was a mistake, because she tripped halfway down them and smacked her mouth on the banister).

"Ow-w-w..." she moaned, her lip blue and trembling.

"Oh!" exclaimed her mother on the landing. Lucinda looked up to see her standing there with a basket of socks hovering beside her. "Sweetheart, don't go trampling down the stairs. You'll hurt yourself."

"I  _know_." said Lucinda, holding a hand to her mouth to catch the blood.

Mr. Morgan was in the kitchen, pouring himself coffee at the table, when Lucinda walked in.

"Morning, dear," he said, glancing up from his mug.

"Hmm," she replied through the toast she'd just shoveled into her mouth.

He then turned to a stack of mail in front of him and began opening it. Lucinda swallowed her bite of toast and stared at the rest of it in her hand. It had blood on it, so she threw it in the trash bin. Then she grabbed another piece and spread jam on it.

"Have some sausage with that," her father said, sliding the dish across the table to her; then he started opening a second piece of mail.

Lucinda piled four sausages on her plate.

"Any post for me, Papa?"

"Have you taken your Sucrosulin?"

"I asked you first."

"Then, no."

"Papa!"

"Yes, you've got a letter."

Lucinda took it in her hands and looked at the large "H" on the front of it. It was from Hogwarts! Inside would be a list of materials she'd need for the upcoming year and of new books she'd need to purchase. Lucinda got a letter from Hogwarts every year. After she didn't show up the first time, she figured they'd stop sending them, but they didn't. It's as if they still had hope...

She turned it over and saw that the seal was broken.

"You've already opened it," she said, a little crest-fallen.

"Well, yes, dear. We had to go get your books, like we always do," he said reasonably.

"I know," said Lucinda, sighing. "I just like opening it... After all," she added, grievously. "I'll never get one of these letters again."

Mr. Morgan looked at his daughter with sympathetic eyes.

"I know," he said lightly. "That's why I got you this." He slid a small, rectangular piece of paper toward her, across the table. Lucinda eyed it suspiciously.

"What is it?" she said slowly.

" _Look_  at it," her father said sternly, but with a smile.

Lucinda did as she was told and flipped the paper over. She stared, unblinkingly, at it for several seconds.

"It's... a..." she said.

Her father nodded. "A train ticket," he said for her.

Lucinda looked at it more carefully.

_Platform 9 3/4_

"It can't be," her eyes now burning with tears.

"You can come in now, Judi," Mr. Morgan called.

Mrs. Morgan stepped into the kitchen with something long and black draped over her arms.

"Here're your robes, dear," she said to her daughter.

"Mama-" Lucinda's voice broke. Her father smiled at her across the table.

"It looks like you're going to Hogwarts this year."

x-x-x

Lucinda spent the remainder of the summer unable to concentrate on anything. It was all too exciting! She daydreamed about Hogwarts Castle as she absent-mindedly flicked her wand at the dishes she was washing, creating a whirlpool in the soapy water. Lucinda couldn't believe that in her final year of schooling, she'd be attending the school of her dreams. It almost felt completely unreal and Lucinda had to pinch herself hard on the leg to make sure she didn't wake up.

August came to an end and soon it was time to drive to the train station. Lucinda was already in the car and ready to go, while her parents were only just getting to their morning coffee. Lucinda sat and wondered why they didn't just apparate to the station. Then she remembered that her parents liked to do a lot of things only muggles did. They said that it gave them a better understanding of what those kinds of people have to go through, day to day. Lucinda thought it was rubbish.  _If you've got magic,_ use _it!_  That was her motto. Although, sometimes she couldn't control her  _own_  magic, when her emotions got the better of her.

Lucinda looked in the rearview mirror. Her own face stared back at her; her forehead covered in wisps of dark curls. She brushed them back, away from her eyes and sighed. Why were they taking so long?

"Come  _on_!" Lucinda called out the window, honking the horn loudly. Ten minutes later, they were on their way, bumping along the road to Kings Cross Station. Lucinda could hardly sit still long enough to get there. (These muggle ways of transportation were so  _slow_! How could they ever manage without magic?) Once at the train station, Lucinda ran down the line with her luggage and all the way through the barrier between platforms nine and ten (her parents trying their best to keep up) and almost crashed into a young girl just on the other side. She screeched her trolley to a halt, inches away from the girl and felt her parents bump into her as they, too, came through the barrier.

"Hey, watch it there! You almost ran me over!"

The girl was now staring at Lucinda with incredible annoyance showing on her pale face.

"S-sorry. It's my first time here. I'm going to Hogwarts."

The girl's expression changed drastically. "Oh!" she said, now frowning slightly. "Your first time to Hogwarts? Well, you look nearly too old to be going to school." She had bright, golden eyes that were sparkling with confusion.

"Yes, I know," said Lucinda. "It's my last year- Oh, I'm probably going to get that look a lot... You see, I've been homeschooled for the past six years."

"Have you  _really_? Wow, I didn't know you could homeschool a witch," the girl said, astonished. "Does that mean you're behind? Are you going to have to take special classes to... like... be up there with the rest of us or something?"

Lucinda gave a panicked look and said, "I hope not! I studied extra hard every year, just so I could be at the same level as others my age!"

The girl smiled, "Well, I'm sure you'll be fine- uh- sorry... I didn't catch your name."

"Lucinda Morgan," said Lucinda, and the two of them shook hands.

"The name's Aurora," said the girl with golden eyes. "Aurora Borealis."

Lucinda's dark eyes nearly popped out her head, " _Seriously_?"

"Yes," said Aurora, shaking her head in shame. "My parents thought it'd be funny. That's them, over there." She pointed to a handsome pair talking to the conductor. Her mother had white, flat-iron, straight hair (identical to Aurora's) and her father was very sharp and young looking, despite his completely bald head.

"Are those  _your_  parents?" Aurora asked, looking at a man and a woman now walking toward them, away from the Hogwarts Express. The woman was short and thin, with a cloud of black, curly hair on her head and the man was average height, with brown sideburns and a mop of brown hair to match.

Lucinda sighed, "It's that obvious, is it?"

Aurora nodded, "You look just like your mum."

"Got all your luggage on the train, dear," said Mr. Morgan, arriving at Lucinda's side.

She had only just realized that the trolley she had hold of was completely empty.

"Well, it's almost time to leave," said Aurora. "I better go say goodbye to the 'rents."

They all watched her leave. Then Lucinda turned back to her parents who were looking nervous.

"W-well, she looks nice," said her father, smiling weakly. "Made a new friend already, have you?"

"Joseph," her mother said, giving him a look.

"Right, then," he said nodding.

"U-um..." Mrs. Morgan began. "We wanted to talk to you about something-"

"-The reason we homeschooled you... until now-"

"-Yes, the reason-"

"-Well, see- Judi, why don't  _you_  start-?"

"-Oh, I couldn't  _possibly_ -"

Lucinda lost her patience, "Why don't you  _both_  just tell me, already?"

Her father sighed, "You're right. Sorry, dear... Look, what we're trying to say is that we had a very good reason to keep you from going to Hogwarts- That came out wrong- Um... We just wanted what was best for you and homeschooling was the only option."

"Then, why send me now?" asked Lucinda, her patience completely gone at this point.

"I was getting to that," said Mr. Morgan, a little painfully. "The day you got your Hogwarts letter-"

A loud whistle blew and Lucinda was pulled away from her parents, quite suddenly, by a girl with long, white hair.

"Let's go!" yelled Aurora, over the blow of the train's whistle. "We'll miss it if we don't hurry!"

Together, the girls ran and took a giant leap onto the platform, just as the Hogwarts Express began to pull away. Mr. and Mrs. Morgan jogged beside it, yelling, "We'll send you an owl! Perhaps we can talk later!" and, in the next moment, they curved around a bend and her parents were gone from sight.

Lucinda and Aurora found an empty compartment at the end of the train and sat down across from each other.

"Well, Aurora sighed. "I'm glad to finally sit down and relax." Lucinda nodded in agreement, then stared out the window. The landscape rushed past them in a blur of different shades of greens and golds, and gave her a tiny thrill. She was finally going. She was finally going to see the brightly lit windows of Hogwarts school, as she pulled up on the train. She was now going to meet new friends, new teachers, and learn new magic. Lucinda could finally declare, proudly, that she went to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

"So," said Aurora after a few minutes. "Why'd your 'rents homeschool you in the first place?"

"Oh, um..." Lucinda racked her brain. "Well, they've never actually told me... Actually, they were getting ready to tell me why, right before I got on the train... but I had to go and they never did."

Aurora frowned, "Well,  _that's_  a major bummer." Then she smiled, "I'm sure they had a good reason for doing what they did."

Lucinda thought about this. What  _was_  their reason? Did they think she wasn't Hogwarts material? No, that couldn't be it. She was great at her magic. She could even apparate, too, with their teachings. Lucinda didn't understand. Then a thought struck her that put her parents out of her mind.

"What  _House_  do you think I'll be in?" she exclaimed to Aurora.

Aurora thought. "Well..." she said. " _I'm_  in Gryffindor, and everyone knows that's the best one to be in. But Ravenclaw is just as good. A bit of a  _snobby_  crowd, though, if you ask me. They have their reasons, I guess. They're the smartest, after all. Hufflepuff is for cowards- Haha, only joking- and Slytherin is for evil-doers." She finished this last part with a devilish smirk.

"I see," said Lucinda. "I'll most likely be in Ravenclaw, then... I think I'm smart enough for it."

"Do you  _want_  to be in Ravenclaw?" said Aurora, a little threateningly.

"Well, not exactly," said Lucinda, looking at her with caution. "I really don't care  _which_  House I'm in. I'm just glad to be going, period."

Aurora's look softened and turned mischievous, "That isn't very wise, Lucinda... Keep talking like that and you'll end up in _Slytherin_."

The next couple of hours spent on the train were productive ones. Lucinda learned that her new friend Aurora had a younger brother, who would be going to Hogwarts the year following her graduation. He was apparently becoming almost unbearable to live with.

"He will never shut up! It's always 'Hogwarts'  _this_  and 'Hogwarts'  _that_... I swear, Chortle's driving me  _crazy_!"

Chortle was fated with his name, unmistakably for the same reason Aurora was: Their parents' own amusement.

As the sky grew darker outside, lanterns flickered into life in the compartments on the train. Aurora and Lucinda jumped a foot each when theirs suddenly clicked on, and their door was shoved open with the force of a hurricane, shaking the window pane. They both looked to the doorway where a young man stood, squealing.

"Aiii!"

**Note:**  Who is this mysterious boy and why is he screeching like a monkey? Find out in the next chapter!

 


	2. Clover, Snape and Sorting

**Chapter Two**

"Aiii!" Lucinda covered her ears to block out the squeal of a boy who'd just thrown himself into their compartment. He was extremely tall and had a mohawk that was pure, silvery white.

He looked straight at Lucinda and squealed again. "Aiii, it's true! Look at you!" the boy gasped. "And you're so cute!"

Lucinda felt herself blushing. Who  _was_  this guy? And how did he already know who she was? He had on the craziest outfit she'd ever seen: red, leather pants that had holes all up the sides of them, black stilettos (which must have given him  _at least_  four or five more inches, so that the tips of his mohawk brushed the compartment ceiling), a black shirt that was three sizes too small for him (the bottom barely reaching his navel), and his ears were each pierced seven or eight times, with tiny, silver loops through each one.

Lucinda looked unbelievingly at Aurora. She had her face in her hands, shaking her head back and forth. Lucinda looked back at the white-haired boy again.

"Who  _are_  you?" she asked. The boy put a hand dramatically to his chest and threw his head back in remote shock.

"Ai! She doesn't know who I am!" he cried. Then he bent down into a low bow and looked up at her with his golden eyes sparkling.

" _My_  name... is Clover Borealis."

Lucinda looked from Clover to Aurora and then back again.

" _What?_  You guys are brother and sister?"

Aurora nodded in response, her hands still covering her face.

"Yes, we are," said Clover, as he sat down beside Aurora and continued to look at Lucinda. "And  _you_ , my little flower," he said seriously. "Look absolutely divine." Lucinda's face was now a deep scarlet.

"Um. Thank you," she replied quietly and looked at Aurora again, who was now looking at her brother's ensemble with a horrified face.

"What are you  _wearing_?" she blurted. Clover half ignored her, mumbling, "What I always wear," and then continued to stare at Lucinda, resting his chin on the palms of his hands.

"Yeah, but to  _Hogwarts_?" she continued.

Clover finally looked at his sister, but with an incredible amount of annoyance "I am going to  _change_  before we get there, drama queen!"

Aurora gasped and flicked Clover smartly on the nose with her finger.

"Hey!" he said and flicked her forehead in reply. Before they started flicking body parts off, Lucinda cut it.

"So, how far apart are you guys in age?" They both stopped flicking, abruptly, and stared at her in awe.

"What?" said Lucinda.

"Isn't it obvious?" said Aurora, sincerely astounded at how dim Lucinda really could be. Lucinda looked from one sibling to the other.

"Isn't  _what_ obvious?" she asked.

"You dumb-dumb," Clover said, giggling. Then he smooshed his sister's face against his own and grinned broadly. "We're  _twins_!"

"Oh!" exclaimed Lucinda. "I'm sorry! I don't know why I didn't realize it before..."

They were practically identical; both had porcelain faces with naturally blushed cheeks and perfectly curved lips. The arch of their silver eyebrows, the shine of their hair, the sparkle in their eyes; all the same... Lucinda found herself craving to trace the boy's delicate jaw line and continue across his smooth, pink lips, the bridge of his perfectly sloped nose, and over his beautifully symmetrical eyebrows... And his eyes. His eyes were like golden fire, burning into her whole being. Flakes of honey-colored dust seemed to flutter down his cheeks each time that he blinked. He was very beautiful. Hypnotizingly beautiful. Looking at him almost mage her ache inside.

Lucinda shook her head vigorously. What had come over her? She wasn't the type to fall for a pretty face alone. She always cared what was  _in_  the head, not on it. Appearance didn't matter... But, oh... he had  _such_  a pretty face.

x-x-x

Clover stayed in their compartment until the train finally arrived at Hogwarts. They were all in their robes now, having changed a few minutes before the train started slowing down (Clover, of course, had to change in a separate compartment). Once they had come to a complete stop, there was a sudden roar of voices out in the hallway, as students rushed to grab their coats and luggage and head out into the night air. When Clover and Aurora pushed open the door, they were carried away on the current of bodies and shoving hands, leaving Lucinda to jostle after them.

When she found them again, they were standing by a line of black carriages with no horses attached to them.

"Hey," said Clover. "This is what everyone except the first years ride in. C'mon." Then he climbed into the one behind him. Lucinda made to follow him in, but someone laid a hand on her shoulder. She looked up into the thin face of a witch with a stern complexion. She  _had_  to be one of the professors.

"Are you Lucinda Morgan? You must be. I haven't seen you before and you're definitely not a first year."

Lucinda watched the woman look her up and down and then side to side, "Yes, you're her." Then she looked  _passed_  Lucinda and said, "You and your brother may go now, Miss Borealis. She'll be coming with me."

Lucinda turned around and saw Aurora's and Clover's heads sticking out of the carriage door, waiting for her.

"I guess we'll see you at the feast!" Clover called, and then he snapped the door shut. Lucinda watched their carriage being pulled away by some invisible force, until they curved around a clump of trees and she lost sight of them. She turned back to the stern witch, who was now talking to a wizard in black robes.  _He must be one of the professors, as well,_ she thought. He was tall, with pale skin and raven hair that nearly reached his shoulders.

"Come with us, Miss Morgan," said the witch and then turned to the man in black robes. "You'll have to hurry when we get there. I'll need it back for the first years." He nodded. Then Lucinda was suddenly escorted into one of the carriages and followed in by the two teachers.

"I hear from your father that you are exceptional in every one of your studies," said the witch after a while. "I'm Professor McGonagall, your Transfiguration teacher... And this is Professor Snape. He'll be your Potions teacher."

"Really?" she said, looking at the man sitting across from her. "I love Potions!"

He had been staring out the window, but now he looked at Lucinda.

Professor McGonagall sputtered, "You love  _Potions_?" Her face was full of pure stupor.

"Yes! It's my favorite subject!"

The Transfiguration teacher's small lips curled into a smirk, as she turned to the Potions teacher. "Well, well..." she said. "It looks like you have a fan, Severus."

Professor Snape hadn't said a word this entire time, but now he did.

"So..." he said to Lucinda, his voice deep. "You seem to like Potions quite a lot... but are you any good at it?" He sneered and she smiled mockingly.

"Well, of course," she said, matter-or-factly. "It's my best subject."

Professor Snape watched her carefully, as if to catch some hint that she was lying. He decided she was telling the truth.

"Then maybe you'll be in Slytherin," he said, looking out the window again. "And we can  _win_  this year."

"Oh,  _honestly_ , Severus!" Professor McGonagall spouted, suddenly. "This is only your second year here as a teacher and  _already_  you've got a grudge against my House!"

"Well, if the Gryffindors weren't sneaky, little  _cheaters_!" he spat.

"You  _must_  be joking..." said Professor McGonagall, rolling her eyes at the ceiling of the carriage. "We won fair and square... by  _studying_!"

This continued all the way up to the large, oak, front doors of Hogwarts Castle, where students of all ages were hurrying to get inside and join the feast. Lucinda caught a short glimpse of Clover and Aurora before they, too, disappeared through the double doors. Then she looked up at the building, her eyes glistening over with its beauty. It was more magnificent than she had imagined. The windows to the Great Hall were like small blocks of gold positioned into the stone walls. They reflected the many candles that lit the Hall and shown out onto the grounds.

"I've got to go and meet the first years," said Professor McGonagall, as she climbed out of the carriage, after Lucinda. "Hurry along, Severus."

Professor Snape glared after her, as she made her way through the sea of students. Then he turned to Lucinda.

"Follow me." he said shortly, and strolled off to the right of the castle. Lucinda walked briskly to keep up.

"Where are we going?" she asked, confused, stretching her legs out to stride faster.

"We have to sort you into your House," he snipped. "Now be quiet."

x-x-x

After Lucinda and Professor Snape had entered the school through a side door, gone down several cold, concrete staircases, and two hidden passages, they arrived in what appeared to be his office. It was dark and a bit gloomy. There were no windows and the only source of light was from the few torches that lined the walls, but the room had a soothing aroma. Kind of like spices... Cinnamon, maybe? She couldn't quite place it. Lucinda turned her head every which way, trying to take it all in at once. There were so many things in this room she wanted to look at (an assortment of pictures, strange objects, and jars containing unknown substances, lining each wall), but she didn't have a chance. Professor Snape told her to sit and then he dropped an old, patched and frayed, wizard's hat on top of her head.

"What is  _this_  for?" she asked.

"Hush!" he snapped and Lucinda fell silent. Snape watched the hat. Then...

"Ah-hmm..." she heard the hat say. "What is this? Definitely not a first year. No, no... Very Strange. Hmm... Yes, you've done quite nicely for yourself, but a bit clumsy, I dare say... You're heart is in the right place, of course, though it may be sick at times... So, what is this face I see?... Aha! And you have a way with... Mhm, I can see that plainly too. There is too little you show and too much you hide... Yes... I think I know exactly where you belong, my dear..."

Lucinda waited, nervously. She could feel her forehead sweating behind the scratchy hat and gripped the sides of the chair she was sitting on. Why was it taking so long to place her in a House? Was she that hard to figure out? Now Lucinda was caring, just a tiny bit, where the hat would put her. She really didn't want to be in Hufflepuff and she had a feeling she'd be placed there, anyway. Aurora had said that Hufflepuff was full of cowards, even if she  _was_  only joking. Lucinda wasn't a very brave person, so that House seemed to suit her just fine, but... she didn't think she could bear the look on Aurora's face as she walked past the Gryffindor table to sit with the Hufflepuffs...

"It is clear to me now..." the hat continued, and Lucinda felt her heart beating in her throat. This was it. The moment of truth. The moment that would probably change everything... "Yes, you shall go to..." Lucinda held her breath. Then... "SLYTH-! No, that's not right.- GRYFFINDOR!"

Lucinda froze. Did it just almost put her in  _Slytherin_?... But, she was a Gryffindor now. The Sorting Hat was finished and she was in the same House as Aurora, and, for that, she was very thankful. There was just one thing, though... The air in the room turned heavy, in a way, and everything was deadly quiet at this point. Lucinda felt the hat being pulled off her head and then her eyes met with Snape's. He looked as if he were about to throw his chair across the room. She felt a little scared, and thought that he might actually do it, except instead of the wall being the target, it'd be  _her_! Then the door opened, suddenly, and Lucinda was saved.

"I need it now, Severus." said Professor McGonagall. Professor Snape handed the hat to her, without taking his eyes off of Lucinda. When the door closed, leaving them alone again, he spoke.

"Well," he said coldly, his eyes never leaving her. "There goes our chance of winning... And to think," he added, mockingly. "That I thought you had what it takes..."

So, that's why he was so angry. Just because he lost his chance at using her for his own glory... That pissed her off for just a moment and then the thought was gone. Lucinda didn't say anything, but continued to stare back at him. They were quiet for a long time. Both watching... and waiting. Lucinda started to get uncomfortable and shifted in her seat. She had to say something to get him to stop looking at her like that; with such loathing, it was practically pouring out of his eyeballs.

"Um..." she said and lowered her eyes to the stone floor, unable to look at him any longer. There was a rug in the middle of the floor. It was a deep, forest green and had a silver serpent in the center of it, with a matching silver trim. It looked old, but very well kept. Lucinda wondered what it would feel like on her skin.

"Let's go." he said, suddenly. Lucinda looked up and saw Professor Snape striding toward the door of his office. She stood and followed him out, making note of the route they took to get out of the dungeons.

x-x-x

"Oh, my! What did you  _do_?" asked Clover, as Lucinda sat down at the Gryffindor table. "Snape looks more pissed off than usual." She and Professor Snape had walked in together, met with hundreds of staring eyes (everyone seemed to be interested in the witch who'd been homeschooled for six years). Snape had gone straight up to the staff table, whispered something in the Headmaster's ear, and then taken his seat, leaving Lucinda standing alone, between two tables, searching desperately for Aurora's familiar face.

"Alright! You're in Gryffindor!" she said. "You're just what we need in Potions. Me and Gabe  _suck_  in that class. Snape is always taking points off for our screw ups."

"Well, that's because he's so jealous of our beauty and youth," said a boy sitting next to Clover. He had blond hair (on the longer side and probably moused to lay neatly against his head), a gentle, mellow sort of face with full rosy lips, and clear, glassy, blue eyes that reminded her of a doll. He had diamond studs in both ears. He was, in Lucinda's eyes, almost as beautiful as Clover, but had harsher features.

Lucinda looked toward the staff table and was surprised to find Professor Snape looking back at her. He threw her a smooth glare full of hate and then began talking to another teacher. Lucinda breathed a sigh of frustration and then turned to Aurora.

"I don't think I'm going to be much help for the two of you in Professor Snape's class. He  _hates_  me!"

"What,  _already_?" said Aurora.

Lucinda sighed again and told the three of them what had happened in Snape's office, as they all ate Shepherds Pie.

"Well, no wonder!" said Clover, through a particularly, large bite of pie. "He obviously wanted you in  _his_  House!... Did the Sorting Hat really start to say Slytherin? That's never happened before..."

"I don't know- ahh" Lucinda yawned into her hands. "Today has been absolutely mad."

"Well," said Aurora. "The feast is hardly half over, but maybe you should call it quits and go on up to the dormitory. You know... Sleep it off."

Lucinda agreed that, that was probably best and got up from her seat (Snape's eyes lingered on her movements for a moment). Then she remembered that she didn't even know the way to the Gryffindor Commons and said that she'd wait, after all.

"I'll take you, little plum," said Gabe (the blond boy next to Clover). "I wanted to get to bed early, anyway. Come on, then." He stood up and Lucinda saw that he was only as tall as she was (about five foot four).

When he made to pass Clover, he stopped suddenly. Clover had hold of the hem of Gabe's robes.

"I haven't seen you all summer..." said Clover, in a voice Lucinda hadn't heard before. "Aurora can take her."

Lucinda looked at Gabe and saw that his look of mild surprise suddenly turned to subtle amusement. Then he slowly sat back down and said, "Sorry, plum. Aurora will have to take you... Is that alright with you, Rorie?"

Aurora rolled her eyes, "Of  _course_  it's fine... But, tell Clover to  _get over himself_."

Clover ignored her and continued to cling to Gabes robes, as if he might float away, and stared endlessly at the table.

"Hello? Clover?- Oh, whatever... Alright, then. Let's get going, Lucinda." said Aurora, looking annoyed.

Lucinda, seeing this annoyance, said quickly, "You don't have to!... I can- um..."

"You can, what? Wander the halls of Hogwarts and hope you find the Gryffindor Tower by chance?" Aurora questioned, a slight smirk playing across her face.

"Well..." Lucinda thought, but in the end gave up. "Okay..." The two left the feast and headed up the main marble staircase.

"So, what was all  _that_  about?" asked Lucinda, when they had climbed three flights of stairs and were making their way through a hidden passage, behind a tapestry.

"What, my brother and Gabe?"

"Yeah..."

"Nothing," Aurora shrugged. "Long distance relationships are hard, I guess."

Lucinda sputtered, " _What?_... You mean..."

"Yes," said Aurora, soberly. "Clover's gay... Although, I thought it was kind of obvious."

Lucinda sighed, "Obvious things are usually oblivious to me."

Aurora laughed lightly and then said, "hinklewhip."

They were now standing at the end of a deserted corridor, in front of a picture of a large woman in a pink gown. Once Aurora had said "hinklewhip," the picture frame swung in, revealing an opening that they climbed through. Lucinda looked around at the Gryffindor common room. It was a large, circular room filled with couches, chairs, tables, bookshelves, paintings, and a roaring fire in the fireplace.

"Oh, the Fat Lady will change the password every once in a while, so, watch out for that." said Aurora, taking a seat in front of the fire. Lucinda sat down in the warmth of the flames, too, and stared into them. It was nice and soothing to sit there and relax after such a long day. Her brain was free to wander, as were her eyes. The windows glossy and black; the walls with ghostly shadows dancing across them in the dim light of the fire... Everything was perfect.

Lucinda noticed that the longer she sat there and stared into the blue, white, and orange flames, the more comfortable she got. And the more comfortable she got, the heavier her eyes grew. She felt herself drifting off and tried to pull back into reality, but she was too far gone. Lucinda wanted to go to her dormitory and sleep in a big bed, all to herself, but she couldn't move a muscle in her body. Sleep over-took her in seconds.

It seemed that before she had even closed her eyes, she was being shaken awake by firm hands. Lucinda opened her eyes and found Gabe's blue ones looking back at her.

"You guys back already?" she yawned, sleepily.

Gabe looked at her, puzzled. "You've been up here nearly an hour." he said, walking over to Clover.

"Oh!" Lucinda said, and sat up instantly. Aurora was still in the chair to her left and had apparently fallen asleep, as well. Clover was in the process of trying to pull her up, while she slapped blindly at his face.

Lucinda got up and stretched. More Gryffindors were now filing into the common room looking full and sleepy.

"Time to hit the sack, Rorie." Clover was saying to a still-dozing Aurora.

She smacked his face away again. "I'm going to hit  _your_  sack, if you don't get the hell away from me." Aurora growled. Clover backed quickly away from her, looking appalled. Then he contorted his face into fake misery and threw his arms around Gabe.

"Oh, why? Why does my sissy hate me so?" he cried, hysterically. Aurora sprang up from her chair so quickly, you'd think she hadn't been asleep at all.

"Oh, shut up and go to sleep!" she raged and then marched up a flight of spiraling steps that led up to the girls' dormitory.

After saying her goodnight to Gabe and Clover, Lucinda also went up the spiraling staircase and straight into her dormitory, where she found Aurora on the bed beside hers.

"Looks like we got the same room." she said, smiling, the sleep still in her eyes. There were two other girls in there with them, but they were already in bed and asleep, their faces covered up. Lucinda wondered, briefly, if she would become friends with these girls too.

"Nigh-night..." said Aurora and then flopped back on her four-poster, falling asleep within seconds.

Lucinda shuffled over to her own bed and changed into her night gown. Then she crawled clumsily under her warm covers and fell asleep almost instantly. Lucinda had one last thought before she slipped into total sub-consciousness. It was of her parents, standing before her at the train station. They were talking to her about something serious and had a small, clear orb in their palms. Her mom was crying silently and her father was just staring at the orb with hollow eyes. It was a disturbing sight, but, luckily, Lucinda wouldn't even remember it the next day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoy.


	3. Paying The Price

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first day of school never goes well. The first day of school at Hogwarts can go even worse. In Lucinda's case... it DID.

"Oh, god…" complained Aurora, over breakfast in the Great Hall.

"What?" asked Lucinda.

"The first day lessons start and I've got double Potions after lunch! I swear…"

Lucinda looked at her own schedule, as she shoveled eggs on top of her toast. She had double Potions too. Great thought Lucinda the one teacher that hates me and I've got to deal with him for nearly two hours!

There weren't many students in the Great Hall when they first arrived, but now more continued to file in (they all looked alert and ready to start lessons and Lucinda only wished she felt the same). Gabe and Clover showed up at the Gryffindor table after breakfast was practically over.

"Where have you two been?" Aurora questioned when they sat down.

"Overslept," Clover mumbled through a bite of bacon.

"Kept me up half the night, talking, actually..." Gabe said, rubbing his face.

"Oh, whatever, Gabby. You were talking just as much as I was…"

"Yes, but not as enthusiastically," he said bluntly. "So," he continued. "Double Potions, first thing after lunch." He was looking at his own schedule now.

"Yeah…" Lucinda said, reluctantly.

"Well," said Aurora, reassuringly. "At least you're good at Potions. If Snape is a complete asshole, you can always rely on your talents in his class."

Lucinda sighed miserably. She had a feeling it wasn't going to be that easy.

x-x-x

When Lucinda, Aurora, Clover, and Gabe all came out of Transfiguration, right before lunch, they headed straight for the Library. They walked side-by-side down the stone halls, each of them looking like something important, when, in reality, they were mere students in their final year at Hogwarts. Lucinda was on the very right of the lot, striding beside Aurora, who was beside Clover, and Gabe was after that. Having Clover and Aurora in the same place at once caused many heads to turn. No one in the whole school had faces like them. So much beauty was blinding…

"Why are we coming here, again?" Aurora asked as they reached the Library doors.

"Because," said Clover. "I need to look something up."

"Since when do you read?"

"I read!" Clover answered, looking shocked.

Gabe rolled his eyes as they each took a seat at the table, near a large window.

"He's here, because Professor McGonagall told him to come," he said and Clovers cheeks went slightly rosier. "She said he needed to study up on his Transfiguration, since he clearly didn't during the summer."

Clover shrugged and said, "Oh, well. I was busy with other things over the sum- That book is monstrous!"

Gabe had laid a very, large, leather-bound book on the table. It said "Tips to Terrific Transfiguration" on the cover. He patted Clover's cheek and said quietly, "Start reading."

Lucinda walked to the big, glass window to the right of their table. Some students were walking on the grounds, enjoying the nice weather and what was left of summer. Lucinda didn't want to be in the Library. She wanted to go down to the Great Hall and have lunch. Her stomach was growling (probably, because she hadn't eaten much of anything for breakfast) and her hands were shaking slightly. It wasn't anything too serious, but it could develop into an unfortunate situation.

"Something wrong, Lucinda?" Aurora asked.

"Oh, no. It's nothing." Lucinda said, still gazing out the window. She didn't want to tell them she was hypoglycemic. She felt like it was a weakness. And taking the time to tell them about it was just proving how dependent on people she really was. Friend or not, she didn't want anyone knowing her weaknesses. Really, there was no need to tell them about it anyway. As long as she ate regularly, she'd be almost perfectly fine (almost). However, Lucinda's blood sugar ran especially low (deathly low, actually, which was a rare anomaly that hadn’t quite been figured out yet) and she required the drug "sucrosulin" to keep it under control. This medicine was developed by the wizarding world and didn't work on most people (as in, the ones that it failed on had died). Lucinda was lucky. The sucrosulin worked magically (pun intended) and as long as she used it daily, it kept her blood sugar regular for the whole day. That is, as long as she took it in combination with a balanced meal, as well.

"Well, you two can stay up here," Aurora was saying to Clover and Gabe. "Lucinda and I are going to the Great Hall. I am starving!" Then she walked right out of the Library, her silvery, white hair fluttering behind her. Lucinda silently thanked Aurora for loving food so much and followed her out.

Together, they went and sat down at the Gryffindor table, in the Great Hall. Lucinda was grateful for the food in front of her. As she swallowed bites of a turkey sandwich, she felt her hands start to decrease in their shaking. Aurora looked at her, curiously, over a chicken salad sandwich.

"Are you sure you're okay?" she asked.

"Yes, of course I am," said Lucinda, reassuringly. "I was just hungry, that's all."

"Okay, then." Aurora shrugged.

Potions class was ticking closer and closer and, with each passing minute, Lucinda felt like she was going to be sick. How was she going to last a Potions lesson, let alone two?

"I think I'm going to fake sick next lesson," she announced to Aurora.

"What?" said Aurora. "You can't! It's only the first day, Lucinda, and the first lesson is always the most important!"

"But how can I face him?" asked Lucinda, with a hint of fear in her voice. She finished her sandwich and made to reach inside her pocket for her Sucrosulin, but then stopped. It was in her suitcase, back in the dormitory.

I can't let anyone see, she thought. I'll take it later. She took her hand out of her pocket and picked up the pitcher of milk to pour herself a glass.

"I wouldn't try faking sick if I were you, Miss Morgan," said a cold voice behind her.

Lucinda dropped the pitcher, causing milk to slosh across the table and onto nearby sandwiches. She slowly looked over her shoulder, knowing exactly who she'd see standing there: Professor Snape, and he did not look happy. He glared hatefully down at her.

"Why don't you try dealing with things, instead of taking the easy way out?" said Snape, with an extra stab of loathing.

"Um… I-I," Lucinda stammered. "I'm really sorr-"

"No, you're not." he said, cutting her off. Then, with a sweep of his wand, the milk mess was cleaned up. Snape gave Lucinda another threatening glance and then walked out of the Great Hall.

Lucinda noticed that she was breathing a little heavily and her hands were starting to shake again. The air that moved through her lungs was sharp and painful, causing her to wince. How could a mere teacher have such a terrible effect on her? Lucinda was afraid of him, and she had a feeling he probably knew it. She could tell he knew it; the way he made her feel unworthy of his presence; the way he deliberately talked down to her. He was horrible.

"Lucinda…?" Aurora said, in almost a whisper.

Lucinda felt her eyes burning, getting ready to let loose a flood of tears. She fought them back and squeezed her hands together to stop the shaking.

"I'm okay," she said, her voice quivering.

"No, you're not," said Aurora. "Maybe you should go up to the hospital wing."

Lucinda shook her head. "No, I just need to… deal with my problems," she said bitterly, remembering what Snape had said.

x-x-x

Severus Snape stood outside of the Great Hall, leaning his back on the door, his arms crossed tightly over his chest. The Entrance Hall was deserted, leaving him to ponder his thoughts on his own and ponder he did. That stupid girl! He thought running a hand nervously through his black hair. Why did she have to come here? A fourth year student walked passed, peering at him curiously. He told her to get lost or get points taken away and she took off running. A moment later, a Prefect came walking by and stopped when he saw Snape standing there.

"Is something wrong, Professor Snape?" he asked, his dark eyes searching for an answer.

"No, Samael… Can I not think without someone bothering me?" he said irritably. The black-haired boy shrugged and continued into the Great Hall.

Snape cursed himself for being so imprudent about the girl and sighed, before going back down the dungeon steps to release the thoughts that were troubling him.

x-x-x

Lunch came to a close and Lucinda walked with Aurora down a flight of cold steps, deep under the castle.

"I should've known he'd have his classroom down here," said Lucinda, shivering a little. "I hope we're making a fire in his lesson today."

Aurora smiled, "Maybe you should get some meat on your bones. It isn't that cold."

The two came to a door at the end of a passage way.

"Here we are," Aurora said, looking at Lucinda. "Everything will be fine, okay?"

Lucinda didn't believe her, but nodded anyway and opened the door. She was instantly hit with a blast of warm air. This made her feel a lot better, despite the very gloomy looking classroom. There were windows, but only right below the extremely high ceiling, where she could see grass poking up over the sill.

"See? He keeps it pretty nice in here… Of course his cold heart usually blocks out most of the heat-"

"Now, now, Miss Borealis," said a dark voice behind them. "You wouldn't want to lose House points on your first day back in lessons, would you?"

Lucinda spun around… It was Gabe.

"Only joking, guys," he said, although his face was completely serious and far from a smile. "Snape's right behind me, so, we better take our seats."

They all sat in the very front row, but only because every other row had been taken up by students who looked terrified just to be there. Professor Snape walked in, moments later, and slammed the door behind him.

He glanced at everyone, letting his eyes rest on Lucinda an extra second longer, and then addressed them all in his usual 'I wish I weren't here right now' voice and said, "Take out your cauldrons and follow the directions I've written on the board. Don't make any mistakes and you'll all leave here today with all of your limbs intact. Put your hand down, Miss Borealis." Aurora had shot her hand up already. Snape looked from her to Lucinda. "If you have any questions, just ask Miss Morgan, here," he said, smugly. "She's apparently excellent at Potions,"

Lucinda glared at him and continued to fight back her tears. Why was he so mean to her? She never even did anything!

As the lesson went on, Lucinda did everything perfectly, just as she knew she would. She followed all of the directions, while helping Aurora in the process. (Things seemed to be going pretty good, so far.) Professor Snape walked by their table a couple of times and, on his third time around, he stopped and stared down at Lucinda's cauldron, the concoction now turning a smoky white.

"Perfect," he mumbled, no one hearing it, except her. Then he said to Lucinda, in a much louder voice, "I'll admit you're pretty good and it looks like you know what you're doing… But, it's such a waste."

"What's a waste?" asked Lucinda, getting a little defensive.

"Your talent," he said, even louder. "It would have been better if you were in Slytherin… Now your talent will be wasted with you being a Gryffindor."

"Well, I don't want to be in Slytherin." Lucinda hissed. "All Slytherins turn out bad! Just look at you!"

Lucinda crammed her hand quickly over her mouth, but it was too late. The damage was done.

"Detention," Snape said sharply, and walked back to his desk to sit down. "Oh, yes," he added with a very satisfied sneer. "Ten points from Gryffindor."

Lucinda looked at Aurora, who had her mouth hanging open; Gabe's eyes were slightly bigger than they usually were. What had she done? She just insulted a teacher! Lucinda took her hand away from her mouth and stared down at her cauldron. The cloudy mass was still swirling around, but now it was giving off a faint smell of cinnamon.

Aurora was still in shock and mouthing wordlessly at Lucinda.

"What is wrong with you?" she managed to whisper fiercely.

Lucinda didn't answer and instead shut her eyes and shook her head. The tears were going to come any second now. She didn't think she could hold them in any longer… but she had to. Never show weakness, she thought, and continued her work.

When class was over, Lucinda stayed behind, while everyone else went to the Gryffindor common room for free time. When the last of the students had departed, she reluctantly approached Snape's desk.

"Sit," he said, not looking up from a stack of papers.

"Wait, I have to serve my detention now?"

He looked up, "Yes. Now sit there and see if you can't possibly be quiet for the next two hours."

"Two hours?"

"If you argue, I'll make it three."

Professor Snape looked back down at his work, ignoring her still standing at his side. Lucinda gradually accepted her fate and sat back down in her chair. He hadn't told her what she was supposed to do… Fifteen minutes went by in silence. He wasn't making her do lines; he hadn't said to write a 48 inch paper; and he wasn't making her grade papers or do any kind of work at all… This was torture!

He really knows just how to punish me, she thought, sulkily, as she watched him scribbling away on bits of parchment. Lucinda studied the way his quill moved so expertly across each page and the vigorous way he seemed to be dotting his 'i's'. He could hide his agitation in his voice and facial expressions, if he wanted to, but not in his writing. She could see through his mask of hate and anger, but didn't exactly know what was beneath it all. Was he really as cruel and fearless as he let on, or was it just an act to lock away the lonely child inside of him, weeping in the dark? Professor Snape paid no attention to her intent stares and merely continued to write.

The first hour went by very slowly and dreadfully. Lucinda jumped every time Snape set his quill down, harder than he needed to, and watched him reproachfully, perhaps waiting for him to give her something to do… But, he never made a sound, besides the scratching of his quill and the occasional rustling of paper. The silence was, in a way, soothing to her, though. She always was a very solitary person; never really had real friends or pets.

Lucinda looked up when she heard Snape's chair scrape against the floor. He was crossing the room now, to a cabinet at the back of the classroom. He opened it and took something small out to slip in his pocket. Lucinda pondered about what it might be, but then lost interest.

Another half an hour went by in silence. Lucinda looked out the tiny window, below the ceiling, and saw that the sky was black. She sighed and looked at Snape again. He was looking back at her and she made a face that said "What?" He scoffed and looked back down at his desk. She would only have to be in here another thirty minutes and then she could go. If only time would go faster! She hadn't had much of anything to eat that day, and she new supper time was going to be over soon. Damn it… Why did she have to open her big mouth and say those things to him? Then she wouldn't have been in this mess-!

That's when she felt it. That familiar pang of fear as her hands started to shake. Oh no, she thought. I haven't taken my sucrosulin today! Lucinda fought to keep her hands steady by squeezing them together, between her knees. She just needed to wait it out a little longer. She could handle it until she was done with detention. She was fine, she was fine, she was fine (she kept chanting it over and over again in her head).

Professor Snape looked up when Lucinda had put her head down, briefly.

"You can sleep when you're done here, Miss Morgan," he said. Lucinda sat up again, instantly.

"I'm sorry! I-… Um… Sorry…" she said, her breath coming more rapidly, along with her forehead breaking out in a cold sweat. She tried to concentrate on the movement of his quill again, but found that her eyes were too unfocused. C'mon! Pull it together! She shook her head to clear her senses, but that just seemed to make matters worse. Just a little longer!

Lucinda's mind continued to get fuzzy and she felt dizzier with each passing minute. She was going to have an attack soon. She put her hands on the table top to try and steady herself, making note of how dry her mouth had become. Lucinda's pulse increased within seconds to the point where she could feel it beating in her throat. Then her breathing quickened and she knew she couldn't hold out any longer. She had to leave.

"P-Professor…" she sputtered out. "I really need to… I need to…"

Professor Snape wasn't listening to her, though. He had taken out the small object that was in his pocket and was doing something with it at his desk. How could he ignore her at a time like this? How could he be so insensitive? If she didn't get to her Sucrosulin within the next few minutes…

"Professor Snape…!" she pleaded, but he was already standing in front of her. Snape seized her arm, thrust the sleeve back, and stuck her with a needle.

As the sucrosulin coursed through her veins, Lucinda's shaking started to subside. She still couldn't think straight, but, within a few minutes, her breathing was regulated and she could see clearly again. After her head was clear, as well, she managed to say, "How did you know?" and then fought back the urge to vomit.

Snape walked to his desk, where he discarded the used needle in a drawer. He looked up at the small, dark window and said, "It's my job to know. I'm your teacher. All of the teachers and Headmaster at Hogwarts get the medical records of each and every student here." Then he turned around suddenly and said, in a threatening kind of voice, "I hope you'll be wiser in the choices you make in the future, Miss Morgan. I can't go carrying around needles in my pockets everywhere I go. Don't forget to take it again."

"Wait a minute!" Lucinda said, getting angry. "It was your fault I didn't take it in the first place!" She stood up and took a step toward him as she said this. He didn't move, but just continued to glare at her.

"And how do you come to that conclusion, Miss Morgan?" he said, also taking a step toward her.

"Because!" she belted, nearly a foot away from him now. "If you hadn't given me this two-hour detention-!"

"YOU DESERVED IT!" he raged, his face now inches away from hers.

"I deserved it?" she said, her voice shaking. "I was only speaking the truth! YOU DID TURN OUT BAD!"

She tried to take another step toward him, but there was nowhere left to go. Lucinda's foot caught on Snape's robes, causing him to trip and stumble backwards; both of them falling to the floor.

There was a sickening crack as Snape's head collided with the stone tiling. Lucinda, luckily, landed softly on top of him. She didn't move for a moment, afraid that he was going to throw her off, but he didn't. Lucinda propped herself up on the palms of her hands and looked at Snape… He looked dead.


	4. Adam and Confusion

Chapter Four

"Oh, no!" cried Lucinda. "I've killed a teacher!" She looked around frantically, as if she'd find something to revive him within reach. "Blast..." she whispered when she found nothing. Lucinda didn't know if she could perform CPR if it came down to it. But would that even help on someone who's cracked their head open? She wondered miserably.

Then Lucinda suddenly felt his chest rising and falling beneath her and was glad he was still alive. How would she have explained the death of a teacher to everyone?

"He's gonna be so pissed..." she said to herself.

Snape, apparently out cold, made no movement. He lay there breathing deeply, as though asleep. Lucinda watched him intently. He wasn't yelling at her, or throwing her vicious glares, or making snide comments to her... His face wasn't contorted into a sneer, as it usually was, and his brow wasn't furrowed in agitation. Actually, thought Lucinda. He doesn't look mean at all when he sleeps. He looks almost... normal. She stared at his pale face and the dark circles under his eyes... He obviously didn't get much sleep on a regular basis... or sun. Lucinda narrowed her eyes at him. Why was he the way he was?

Her arms couldn't hold her body weight any longer and gave way. I'm still weak from the attack she thought, bitterly. I feel so tired now. She let her head rest against his chest and closed her eyes. "I like you much better when you're not biting my head off," she said to the unconscious Professor Snape.

A few minutes passed and Lucinda never made the slightest movement. The rhythmic thumping behind Snape's rib cage was lulling her to sleep and the smell of his robes wasn't helping matters either. She breathed in his aroma and held it there in her lungs... Cinnamon and Autumn air. That's what he smelled like. It was a very comforting scent and part of Lucinda hoped that it would linger on her own robes after she left. Then her scalp tingled and her lips went numb. What was going on?

Snape's body was giving off an incredible amount of heat, which warmed the skin on Lucinda's face and made her go limp against him. It was such a nice change, being in his presence, without him shouting at her or giving her vile looks.

Lucinda froze. What was she doing? Anybody could walk in and find them like this! How would she explain herself?... She had to get off of him. Before he woke up! He was an enemy, after all... Lucinda hated Snape, more than anyone else in her life. So... why hadn't she moved yet and gotten away from him? No one acts this way with someone they despise... And yet... here she was. Lying limply against his chest...

"What has happened to me?" she asked herself.

"You... are in so much trouble," growled Snape.

x-x-x

"Two weeks worth of detention?" Aurora asked, after Lucinda had told her what happened. "Just for tripping him? You didn't even do it on purpose!"

"I know, I know," said Lucinda, sitting on her bed. "But he did hit his head pretty hard. I'm sure it must've hurt."

"Yeah, I hope it hurt," Aurora spat. Lucinda had failed to mention that Snape was actually out for a good ten minutes, before he finally came to. All Aurora knew was that they fell and Snape pushed her away, followed by getting a two-week detention streak.

"I really did deserve it," said Lucinda sadly. "I said such terrible things to him... I'm glad you didn't see it. I was right in his face about it and I don't know why. There was no reason for my behavior..."

Aurora shook her head, her silvery hair sparkling in the moonlight. "Of course there was. He was being just as insulting to you, so you let him have it! I say, good job!" And with that, she slid under her covers.

"Well," said Lucinda, sliding under her covers as well. "These next two weeks are going to be awful."

The two girls lay down against their pillows and tried to get some much-needed sleep. Aurora fell asleep within a few minutes, but Lucinda couldn't even shut her eyes. She stared up at the canopy to her four-poster and thought about Snape. He was really angry when he finally woke up. The look he had on his face was of such fury she'd never seen before. Now that she wasn't near him or looking at him, she felt differently. She no longer wanted to inhale his scent or press against his chest, but, instead, she felt slightly angry toward him again. In fact, she was mostly angry at herself for acting the way she did. He was nothing but a mean teacher who hated her for no reason... And with that thought in mind, Lucinda found that she could finally fall asleep.

x-x-x

Breakfast in the Great Hall the next morning was strange. Lucinda didn't feel like she got the hours of sleep she should have, and Clover and Gabe actually came in early. The four of them passed a plate of bacon back and forth and poured glasses of pumpkin juice for each other, while the owl post came flying overhead. Students had packages and envelopes dropped into their laps and Lucinda watched in amusement as one girl had a barn owl plop a letter into her porridge. The girl took it out, looking disgusted.

"Aw, man..." moaned Clover. "I'm so tired of studying Transfiguration."

He was reading the book Gabe had handed him in the library.

"It's good for you," said Gabe, not looking up from his breakfast. "You don't want to fail your seventh year, do you?"

Clover shook his head. His white mohawk waved gently.

Lucinda looked up at the staff table. Professor Snape wasn't there. She actually felt a little relieved. What would happen once she saw him again? As if right on cue, Lucinda felt someone approach her from behind.

Aurora's face, sitting across from her, changed quickly into shock and her mouth dropped open. Lucinda stiffened once she felt him press slightly against her back, as he leaned down close to her ear.

"Don't forget to take it this time, Miss Morgan," he whispered, so only she could hear.

Lucinda nodded subtly and he walked off. Clover and Gabe stared at her.

"What was that about?" asked Clover.

"Um-" she started, but Aurora cut her off.

"Snape's just being an asshole, like always... He was probably just reminding her about detention-"

"Detention?" interrupted Clover. "Again?"

"Um, yeah..." Lucinda said. "I got another two weeks of detention for mouthing off and tripping him."

"You tripped him?" he said, awestruck.

"It wasn't on purpose!" Lucinda defended. The other three nodded reassuringly.

"Oh, shit!" exclaimed Aurora. "I've only just remembered... We've got Potions first thing this morning!"

"What?" screeched Lucinda. "You have got to be joking!..."

"I wish I was," Aurora shook her head.

"Well," Lucinda sighed. "Let's do it, then." Then she added, "Bring it on, Professor Snape," as if declaring war.

x-x-x

"Who can tell me what the substance was that we created in yesterday's lesson?" Snape asked at the beginning of class. Lucinda knew the answer, but didn't dare raise her hand.

She looked around at everyone else, not surprised at all that no one had their hand up, either. Not a word was muttered…. Lucinda closed her eyes and prayed that someone would build up the courage and just answer the question. She could feel his gaze traveling around the room until it came to rest on her, and she opened her eyes. Two dark ones stared back at her, expectantly. Lucinda sighed and slowly put her hand up.

Professor Snape sneered at her. "Yes, I was expecting that," he said. "What's the answer, then, Miss Morgan?"

"Ahem. Um… It was a truth potion."

"Elaborate, please." He said, crossing his arms and leaning on his desk.

"Okay. Well… It isn't supposed to be consumed, but smelled. This certain kind of truth potion gives off a different aroma for everyone, depending on if they did it right or not."

"And if it is correctly mixed?"

"If it's done correctly," said Lucinda, not meeting his eyes. "It should turn a smoky color. Then you'll notice a distinct scent radiating from it."

"And tell me, Miss Morgan…" he said, now standing in front of her. "What is the… significance of this distinct scent?"

"U-um," she stammered, looking up at him. The corners of his mouth twitched. "You smell what you desire most… So-to-speak…"

Snape stared at her, unblinking; emotionless. "Exactly…" he said. Then he straightened up and turned away from her, looking at the rest of the class.

"Today we will be making a burn remedy. The steps are on the board… Make sure you follow these directions very carefully. I don't want to have to deal with any of you getting your skin melted off your bones. If this remedy isn't done correctly, it can be fatal if touched by your bare hands… For this reason, you will all be wearing your dragon-hide gloves. Any questions?"

Aurora raised her hand and Snape ignored her. "Begin," he snapped and walked back to his desk.

Everyone started with the lesson and Aurora whispered to Lucinda.

"Hey, what's the deal with you two? There is so much damned tension between you guys you could cut it with a knife."

"Nothing, he just hates me, so he's being mean."

Aurora looked at her quizzically. "I don't believe you," she said, her eyes narrowed.

Lucinda shrugged, "Then don't." Then she put on her dragon-hide gloves and mixed two of her ingredients together. She watched the liquid in her cauldron turn fiery red and start to bubble.

Lucinda sighed happily, "Amazing…"

Aurora looked into the cauldron. "What?"

"It's just so… perfect," she said, looking down at it tenderly.

Aurora shook her head. "You're absolutely mental, I swear…"

x-x-x

After Potions was over, Lucinda and the other two walked across the grounds to the green houses. There, they met up with Clover and the Herbology teacher, Professor Sprout.

Professor Sprout was a short, round witch with a pointed nose and large, kind eyes. She beckoned the students toward the last greenhouse in the row and they all gathered round her. Lucinda got as close as she could and leaned in. As Professor Sprout began giving background information on what they were studying, Lucinda found that she couldn't hear a word she was saying.

She strained her ears, but the only noise she heard were her own lungs breathing in and out. Lucinda watched the other students listening to Professor Sprout's wordless instructions. They looked a little bored, but some appeared to be mildly interested. Lucinda turned her attention to the edge of the Forbidden Forest, across the grounds. It was dark beyond the tree line. Leaves rustled. Twigs crunched. The wind blew. And Lucinda breathed.

She thought about her parents. What were they doing now? Then she suddenly got a picture in her mind of her parents sitting at the kitchen table. They sipped tea and stared at one another. Her mother said something that made her father nod and smile. He stretched his arm across the table and put his hand in hers. Then the thought was gone.

Lucinda smiled to herself and hoped her parents were enjoying their time alone together. Then she suddenly felt guilty for always being in the way of their intimacy. They were with her everyday, because of home schooling, but now they could make time for their relationship. Lucinda was glad she was at Hogwarts.

Then that thought struck her again. Why did they home school her? They were going to tell her, finally, but they didn't. If they didn't want their lives revolving around her education, alone, then why did they do it? Nothing was adding up. Lucinda was great at her magic. They knew that and, yet, they never let her go to Hogwarts until her last year.

Professor Sprout led the class into the greenhouse they were standing next to.

Perhaps Lucinda's parents knew something she obviously didn't. Maybe there was a very good reason for home schooling her and it was too complicated to understand when she was younger. Maybe I'm in danger! She thought. Then she shook the possibility away. No, she thought to herself. There's no way they'd let me come here if I was in danger.

The temperature was extremely humid inside the greenhouse and many of the students had shed the outer layer of their robes.

"What's troubling you, love?" asked Clover.

Lucinda looked up to see the three of them staring at her with concerned eyes.

"Oh," she said, a little embarrassed. "I was just thinking about my parents… I'm supposed to be getting a letter from them soon."

It was funny that Lucinda had thought about a letter from her parents, because as soon as they got to lunch, an owl arrived at their table for her. Lucinda opened the letter with anticipation and noticed at once that it was no more than a few sentences long.

Lucinda,

We tried many a times to write this letter, but have failed. It isn't something we can merely scribble onto parchment. Please forgive our lack of information, but we promise to tell you as soon as it's convenient. We love you,

Mama and Papa

Lucinda finished with a mumbled, "whatever" and gave the letter to Aurora to read.

"So, they still aren't going to tell you?" she said, after she too, finished.

"Apparently not," Lucinda answered, shrugging.

"That's what you call your parents?" Clover asked, indicating their signature on the letter.

Lucinda went a little pink, "Um, yeah… I grew up on a small farm with them and the names just sort of stuck."

"Ah, well," said Clover, filling his plate with salad. "The three of us are from the city. I'd like to see your little farm this summer, miss country girl." He winked at her.

"Of course," Lucinda laughed.

x-x-x

Their last lesson of the day was with Professor Binns, the only ghost teacher Hogwarts had. He taught History of Magic, the one class that didn't interest Lucinda at all. Students usually just slept through his mono-tone lectures or did homework for other classes. Lucinda and Aurora sat quietly and were actually wide awake. They pretended to listen to Professor Binns, while all the time they were writing back and forth to each other on parchment.

So… Do you like any cute boys yet?

Aurora wrote this sentence and passed the paper to Lucinda. Lucinda read it and wrote back:

No, not yet. What about you?

A minute later, Lucinda got the parchment back.

Well, there is this one boy. I've known him since my third year here. We've made small talk, but he doesn't really know who I am.

Lucinda found that hard to believe. How could anyone not know Aurora? She was strikingly beautiful and her silvery, white hair alone was enough to stop any guy in his tracks. Lucinda wrote back:

What's his name?

She watched Aurora's face go slightly red, as she scribbled the name with her quill. Then Lucinda took the parchment back and read it.

Adam Bailey

Lucinda stared at the name. She thought she might've heard it in the hallways at some point. It did sound familiar. Lucinda wrote on the parchment-

What House is he in?

-and got the answer back:

Ravenclaw.

Professor Binns was now pointing to a large map behind him and explaining the Great Wars between wizards and trolls. Lucinda half listened as she scratched with her quill:

Show him to me. I want to meet him!

There was a slight pause after Aurora read this. She seemed to be deciding whether or not it was a good idea. Then she wrote:

Yeah, okay.

As soon as History of Magic was over, Lucinda and Aurora went to the common room ("I have to get something," said Lucinda) before heading down to supper. After they climbed back out of the portrait hole, they proceeded down the stairs to the Great Hall. They turned around a corner, but then crashed into someone.

"Oh!" said a boy, now standing in front of them. "I'm sorry Aurora. I guess I should be more careful."

He had a very kind voice and his cheeks were getting redder by the second. Lucinda looked from him to Aurora. She was blushing furiously. They didn't seem to notice Lucinda standing there at all.

"Hello, there," she said, holding out her hand. "You must be Adam. My name is Lucinda Morgan."

He looked around, obviously noticing her finally, and shook her hand with a grin.

"You're the new girl. Are you finding all of your classes alright?"

"Yes…" Lucinda looked at a silver badge on his robes. It had a large "P" on it. "You're a Prefect!"

Adam held his chin a little higher and said, "Yep! My mum is really proud… She couldn't stop crying when it came with my Hogwarts letter a couple years ago."

Aurora giggled and looked away from him. Adam Bailey was of average height. He had dark, curly hair (much like her own) and dark blue eyes that sparkled like snow. Adam's face was bright and warm; made you want to kiss the apples of his cheeks. The most mesmerizing feature he possessed was his wide, pearly smile, complete with dimples and charm.

"Are you guys headed down to the Great Hall?" Adam was asking Aurora.

"Yeah, we were just about to go," Aurora said in a bubbly voice. "And you?"

"That's where I was going too… Mind if I walk you there?" he asked, blushing a deep scarlet. Aurora shook her head in response that said she didn't mind at all.

They turned around to head back toward the staircase, but Lucinda didn't move.

"What's wrong, Lucy?" said Aurora. "Aren't you coming to dinner?"

"No, I've just remembered… I have to serve my detention with Snape," Lucinda didn't bother hiding the acid in her voice. "Catch up with you later, 'kay?"

Aurora shrugged, "If you say so."

Lucinda said goodnight to the both of them and headed down a separate staircase, once they left. A few minutes later, she was making her way down the cold, stone, steps that led to Professor Snape's classroom. It was very dark and gloomy, despite the torches that lined the walls. Lucinda shivered a little and suddenly wished she'd taken her cloak with her. The fire light created ghoul like shadows on the stairs and caused her skin to look gray and dead.

Lucinda came to the bottom of the spiral staircase and started along a stone corridor. There was a bit of a draft and it seemed to be coming from nowhere. Now Lucinda wished she'd put on her stockings that morning. The cold air was creeping up her bare legs and so she pulled her robes tighter around them. A few minutes later, and she let out a sigh of relief, as she opened the door to Snape's classroom.


	5. Detention Effects

Lucinda was put straight to work cleaning out all of the cauldrons that the students had used that day. It was slow, tiring work, but she was grateful for something to do. She could have just as easily of cleaned them by magic, but Snape wouldn't have let her anyway. As Lucinda scrubbed away at the pewter, he sat at his desk, reading over the students' writing assignments on burn remedies. She heard him tut-tut a couple of times and guessed that some people must not have done a very good job. Lucinda thought she actually heard him tearing one of the papers up at one point.

He's so mean! Thought Lucinda, and she scrubbed at the cauldron a little harder than she needed to.

Once again, the sky outside had turned to ink. Even the classroom had gotten a bit darker, or maybe that was just her. The days were going to start getting colder as September continued to creep into the season. Lucinda couldn't wait. Autumn was her favorite time of year. The changing leaves, the crispness of the air, the smell of damp wood after cold rain… It was one of the few pleasures she had in life; spending a day walking in the woods. Of course, the Forbidden Forest was out of bounds to students, but Lucinda thought that maybe she could possibly get a chance to step inside it… Just a little ways…

"Did you take it?"

Lucinda was suddenly pulled out of her thoughts by Snape's voice.

"What?"

"The sucrosulin!" he snapped. "Have you taken it today?"

Lucinda felt a new wave of anger wash over her as they stared daggers at each other.

"No," she said tightly and took a tiny pill out of her pocket. She took the medicine (washing it down with a slurp from the sink at the back of the classroom; Snape watching her all the way) and then continued her work, trying her best to ignore his stares.

Snape waited a minute before saying, "What?... No snippy, little comment?" in a cold, sarcastic voice.

Lucinda wanted nothing more than to hit him right now, but she controlled herself and continued with cleaning the cauldrons. Twenty minutes passed in silence. Snape occasionally crinkled papers or rolled out a drawer, but no other sound could be heard, besides the continuous scrubbing of the cauldrons.

Lucinda checked her watch. It was almost nine-thirty. Alright, it's still early, she thought. I could possibly get out of here at a decent hour. She heard the wind pick up outside and slightly rattle the windows. Snape looked up for a brief moment and listened. Then he went back to his work.

When Lucinda was done with every cauldron in the classroom, she got up and walked to the students' tables, in front of Snape's desk, and sat down. Snape was writing what looked like a very long explanation on why that person's essay was so terrible. Lucinda watched his hand sliding swiftly across the parchment with every line he wrote. She suddenly had the urge to look at the paper and watch him write up close. How could someone so horrible write with such elegance…?

"So," said Lucinda after a while. "Do you have anything else you need me to do?"

Snape stopped writing instantly. As he slowly looked up at her with his menacing eyes, she wished she hadn't even asked.

"Actually…" he said, getting up. "I just need you to admit you were wrong."

"About what?" Lucinda asked, her anger bubbling up again.

"About everything you said to me last night!" he growled.

"Oh, but I'm not really the type to lie anymore, Professor," she said, mockingly.

Snape looked as though he would fling a chair across the room again. He came around his desk and stood in front of her table. Then he put his hands on it and leaned down close to her face. Lucinda retracted back a little, afraid of what was going to come next.

"You…" he said hatefully, through clenched teeth. "You don't know anything about me." His eyes were like fire, burning into her face and she looked away from him. She focused on his hands, instead, but they shook as they gripped the table top.

"Why…?" Lucinda said in a small voice. "Why do you hate me so much?"

Snape took his hands off the table and Lucinda thought maybe he was going to go back to his desk. Then she jumped, as he slammed his fists down in front of her and exploded, "I HATE EVERYONE!"

Snape's hands were shaking more than ever now; shaking with rage that she had caused.

Lucinda shot up from her seat and backed away from him, his eyes following her all the time. She continued to move away until she collided into a chair behind her and stumbled.

"Why do you hate everyone?" Lucinda asked with pleading eyes.

He was silent. Struggling internally about what to say back. "Because!..." was all he seemed to find lodged in his vocal cords. He stared into her face as if she would finish the sentence for him. He finally looked away, feeling like an idiot. "Why am I even saying any of this?" he continued, looking off at the back of the room. Snape's facial expression changed drastically from blinding rage to sudden bewildered confusion, his fists still pressed against the table top. "Why am I telling you any of this?"

Lucinda shrugged, even though it was obviously not a question meant for her.

"Look, this is how it works, Miss Morgan," he announced to her in a very articulate manner, still not really looking at her. "People don't like me, I don't like them, and we have a common interest of not liking each other. Follow me?"

He straightened back up and let his hands fall back to his sides, as he turned away from her, and walked to his desk again.

"Maybe if you were a bit nicer they wouldn't hate you!" Lucinda blurted, unable to contain herself. Snape had his back to her. He shook his head.

"You don't understand, Miss Morgan," he said, his voice full of repentance. "You're just a child."

"I am not a child!" she said defiantly. "I'll be eighteen soon!" But, Snape ignored her. Lucinda walked around the table.

"So," she said, reproachfully. "What don't I understand?"

Snape sighed. Then he turned around slowly, the hateful gleam back in his eyes.

"Being nice, or not, it doesn't make a difference!" he yelled, his face twisting back into its original, loathsome state. "It didn't then and it doesn't now!"

"'Then'…? What do you mean? When?"

"Never mind! It doesn't matter!" he spat and sat back down at his desk. Lucinda just stood there at a loss for words. What do I do now? She thought.

"You may leave now," Snape said, as if reading her mind. Lucinda nodded, but walked around behind his desk and bent down by him.

"You know…" she said quietly, looking intently at him. "I don't hate you… I did, but not anymore." She paused and waited until he looked at her. "I think," she continued. "That you've just been misjudged, one time too many."

Then, before she had realized what she was doing, Lucinda leaned in close and kissed his cheek. Snape froze. Lucinda didn't understand why her heart was beating so fast because of it. Her lips were only briefly on his skin, but it made her stomach twist. It was a reaction she hadn't expected from herself. Lucinda pulled away from him so quickly, it was like she'd been electrocuted. Snape put a hand on his cheek. He looked straight ahead and didn't say anything, a frown line appearing between his eyebrows. He quite possibly was in shock and didn't know how to react… but that was just the girl's mind talking.

"I-I…" Lucinda stammered.

Snape stared at his desk for a moment before he said, "You should head back to Gryffindor Tower now, Lucinda."

"O-okay," she replied quietly and walked to the door, her stomach doing flips all the while. When she reached the other side of the classroom, she stopped long enough to say, "Goodnight, Professor," and then left.

When Lucinda had shut the door behind her, she leaned against it for a moment, catching her breath and trying to slow down her racing heart. What was happening to her? She put her ear to the door and listened. Snape made no noise for the longest time. Then she heard a loud crash that sounded a lot like a chair being thrown against the wall.

x-x-x

"Lucinda!" called Aurora's voice somewhere. "Hey, Lucinda, wake up!"

Lucinda opened her eyes. Aurora was standing over her bed, her arms crossed.

"I was waiting for you in the common room last night. How late did you get back?"

Lucinda sat up and yawned. Then she remembered everything that happened between her and Snape the night before. She hadn't gone straight up to Gryffindor Tower, like he told her to. Her feet seemed to want to wander all over the castle. She was just lucky that nobody had caught her. Lucinda had walked into her dormitory well passed midnight and fell asleep instantly.

"Umm…" she said, getting slowly out of bed. "Last night, while I was with Professor Snape, I-I… I did something…"

Aurora looked at her quizzically. "What? Like, you mouthed off again and he gave you even more detention? Jeeze, he might as well just expel y—"

"No, that's not it!" Lucinda interrupted. "I… I don't know why I did it… I just- Umm… Well, just listen, okay?" and so she told Aurora everything that took place in the Potions classroom only hours before. This time, she didn't leave anything out. Aurora's mouth was open in shock throughout the entire story. When Lucinda had finished, Aurora looked as if she'd been told that someone had put poison in her pumpkin juice.

"W-wait a minute," she said; a dawned expression on her face. "Snape actually called you by your first name?"

Lucinda looked slightly taken aback.

"Yeah," she said. "So what?"

"He's never called a student by their first name…" Aurora said, her eyes screwed up in concentration.

"Well, never mind that," said Lucinda, suddenly frowning. "He's so… unhappy. Like, really unhappy!"

Aurora also frowned, as well. "Well, yeah… Of course he is! All the kids here hate him, after all… And I think McGonagall does too," she added thoughtfully.

Lucinda sighed and sat on the windowsill, staring at her feet.

"I just—" Lucinda's voice cracked and she cleared her throat. "I can't get him out of my mind now... He's so mean and yet I can't stop prying."

Aurora put an affectionate hand on her shoulder and said, "Look… Don't think about it anymore, okay? Breakfast is already half over. Let's go down to the Great Hall and eat, eh?"

Lucinda nodded, only half listening, and mumbled, "Yeah, okay."

On their way down to the Great Hall, Lucinda's stomach was twisting so much, she thought she was going to be sick. How was she going to face him now? Lucinda just hoped he didn't tell everyone what happened, not that he would. When the two girls reached the doors to the Great Hall, Lucinda stopped, just before Aurora opened them.

"What is it?" Aurora asked, looking back at her.

"It's nothing, really. Just…" she said, staring at her feet. "I just don't want to face seeing him yet… I'll meet you in class, okay?"

"But, Lucinda—!" started Aurora, but she was already running back up the marble stairs.

x-x-x

When it was time to go to Potions, Lucinda started wishing she'd just gone to breakfast and got it over with. Now that she was about to open the door to Professor Snape's classroom, she was having second thoughts. Lucinda didn't really think it was possible, but what if Snape did tell the whole class? Or worse, what if he told Professor Dumbledore?... No, he wouldn't do that… would he? Lucinda had her hand on the door knob, her insides twisting more than ever. She had to go in. She had to, but her feet wouldn't move.

"C'mon, Lucy! What are you waiting for?" said a voice behind her, and she was suddenly pushed into the room by multiple pairs of hands.

As the entire class filed in, Lucinda stepped out of the way and looked to see who had spoken to her: It was Aurora.

"What did you do that for?" hissed Lucinda. "I was still deciding on whether or not I was going to come in here!"

Aurora smiled sweetly and came closer to her. Then she whispered, so that no one else could hear, "You are not going to leave me in here alone with him, Lucinda Morgan!... He'll eat me alive, because you're not here!"

Lucinda snorted, "Actually, he'd probably just ignore you like he usually does."

Aurora looked almost insulted by this for a moment, but then she decided it was probably true and shrugged.

The girls took their seats, as did everyone else, and immediately noticed that someone was missing.

"Where's Gabe?" Lucinda whispered out of the corner of her mouth. They both looked around. Gabe wasn't anywhere in the room. "He was at breakfast, right?"

"Well, yeah. He was there, but…" Aurora trailed off, thinking.

"But, what?" Lucinda urged.

"But, when we left the Great Hall, him and Clover took off running… Or more like: Clover was dragging him off up the stairs somewhere…"

Lucinda thought about this. Were they ditching class? Now, she knew she should've gone to breakfast… She could've been skipping right now! Lucinda cursed herself for being afraid to face Snape.

"Alright, listen up!"

Lucinda was pulled, once again, out of her thoughts by Professor Snape's booming voice. She took a chance and looked up at him. To her relief, he wasn't looking at her. He was looking around the room and seemed to notice that Gabe wasn't there also.

"Where—?" he began, but just then, Gabe burst into the room; out of breath, blonde hair messed, face shining and red, and his clothes were hanging off of him; his robes clutched under his arm.

"I'm-I'm here!" he gasped, putting a hand to his chest.

Aurora and Lucinda just mouthed at him, wordlessly. Gabe stumbled over to them and flopped into the chair next to Lucinda. As Snape explained what they would be doing in class, Aurora gave Gabe a look that said, "What happened to you?"

Gabe, still trying to catch his breath, gave her dark look. Aurora gasped.

"You didn't!" she whispered in shock.

Gabe nodded, "We did…"

"But-but," Aurora stammered. "Right before class? You must be insane! What if someone had caught the two of you?"

"I know," said Gabe, looking at his hands, his brow furrowed. "I just… I haven't been that close to him in a long time…"

Lucinda blushed at the thought of Clover and Gabe being intimate with each other. They had a special kind of relationship, and Lucinda hoped that she'd also have that with someone some day. Why was it so hard to find true love? Did it always just hide from the people who deserved it the most? Or were they just not looking in the right places?

"Lucinda!" came that familiar, irritated voice.

Lucinda looked up and found Professor Snape (his arms crossed) staring at her, looking aggravated. Then she noticed that the rest of the class had their jaws dropped in shock of what Snape had called her.

Aurora whispered, in a sing-song voice, "He called you… Luc-in-da again…"

Snape seemed to pick up on what he had done and said quickly, "Miss Morgan!"

Lucinda swallowed, "Yes?"

"Pay attention! Five points from Gryffindor!"

"Wah-? I didn't do anything!" she said, appalled. He threw her a glare and she looked down. "Sorry, Professor," she muttered. "Um, please continue…"

Aurora made a gagging noise and Lucinda kicked her under the table. Snape continued with his discussion, on what they had on the agenda for the day, and Lucinda watched him. She watched his feet pacing back and forth, never letting his heels drag, and the way his black robes waved swiftly behind him with each step he took. Clumps of raven hair were hanging in his eyes and against his cheeks… Lucinda had such an impulse to wipe his hair away from his face, that she felt her legs tense.

Professor Snape stopped talking and went back to his desk. His explanation was over. Lucinda looked at his sad eyes, hidden beneath the curtain of black hair. What kind of troubled past did he have that gave his eyes such a look? They were cold; almost empty. Would he ever open up to her? Lucinda shook the thought away. Of course he wouldn't. He'd never tell her anything. She was just a "child" after all. She wanted to know him, though. Something about him drew her in. She couldn't help her curiosity…

And so, her curiosity grew when Potions was over and Snape told her to stay behind. The room emptied as Lucinda sat at her table, not moving.

This is it! She thought, as she walked to his desk. He's going to give me even more detention for what I did! Lucinda stepped to his side and awaited her fate, wringing her hands behind her back.

"Look," she said. "Before you give me more detention, can I just explain—?"

"I'm not going to give you more detention, Miss Morgan," he said calmly. "In fact," he continued, his eyes on the papers in front of him. "I'm going to suspend your previous detentions with me until further notice."


	6. Shadows and Moonlight

Small patches of light glittered down through the small classroom windows and illuminated the dust particles swirling around in the air. This sunlight made Lucinda's skin glow and look warm and fresh, her hair in dark puffs around her face, but the Professor kept his eyes on his desk. The girl standing at his side waited patiently in expectant silence, but he said nothing. Lucinda stared at him as she tried to comprehend what she'd just heard. He was suspending her detentions...? Suspending?

"W-what?" she sputtered. "But, why would you do that? What purpose is that going to serve?"

His silence only angered her further.

"Can you really not stand me that much?" she asked, agitated. "First you tell me I have two weeksworth of detention! Now you're telling me I'm just off the hook…? Why?"

"Shut up!" he snapped, now looking her in the eyes. "I can't think with your relentless chatter!"

Lucinda snapped her lips shut. If she was hurt by this, she didn't show it.

He couldn't tell her what he was thinking. He couldn't tell anyone what he was thinking. They were such fleeting thoughts that they hardly mattered at all. In fact, they didn't matter. Not in the least. Snape realized he was still staring at her and returned his gaze to the glass of water on his desk. This was insane…

Lucinda looked down at her feet. "You do hate me..." she said quietly.

Snape put his head in his hands and sighed deeply. "We've already been through this..." he shook his head slightly. "Don't be so self-absorbed, Miss Morgan. I never said I hated you."

Lucinda took out her wand and summoned a chair out of thin air. Then she sat down at the side of his desk. If Snape was surprised by this, he didn't show it. He merely continued to rest his head on his palms, rubbing a little at his eyes.

"So, what's the deal with you then?" she asked defensively, crossing her arms and legs. "What exactly have I done to make you hate- sorry- dislike me so much?"

The Potions master's fingers seemed to tighten over his face as she said this. "I never SAID I disliked you, either," he replied, trying to suppress the urge to throw something.

"Well, you sure have a funny way of showing it, Professor Snape…" Lucinda's voice was quiet. Snape said nothing. When his silence started to bother her again, she continued. "So…" she said, fidgeting with a piece of lint on her robes. "What exactly caused you to be like thi—"

"I think it's time for you to leave now, Miss Morgan," he said simply, and took his hands away from his face. "I have no intention of telling you about my personal life... Now, go."

Lucinda's nostrils flared a little as she let out an aggravated sigh. "Is it so terrible that I want to know more about you?" Her eyes flashed angrily, but Professor Snape acted as if he hadn't even heard her. He folded his arms over his chest and looked down, clearly wishing she wasn't there. A few strands of his hair were now threatening to catch in his eye. Lucinda forgot about suppressing her urges. She just reached over and carelessly swept them off of his face.

Snape caught her around the wrist.

"Sorry-" she said quickly, her fingertips barely touching his temple. He had her in a death grip, still as a statue.

"Don'tdo that," he snapped. His eyes were piercing through her with venom.

"I'm sorry!" she said a little panicked. "Now, will you let go of me?" As much as Lucinda wanted to stand her ground, she was still afraid of him. The pain in her wrist reflected the seriousness of what she'd just done. She really hadn't meant to do it in the first place. Her hand just kind of moved on its own, if that's even possible. Lucinda suddenly met his gaze. She held her breath. His dark eyes didn't seem quite so empty up close, but she had a hard time concentrating on them, anyway. He was staring so intently at her at that precise moment, so she cast her eyes further down his face… She studied the definitive curve of his nose and the shape of his lips. Lucinda's throat went dry and her cheeks flushed.

Snape loosened his grip on her wrist. She slowly pulled it away from him and into her lap, where she unconsciously rubbed it. She kept her eyes away from his face, her heartbeat a little too fast.

He sighed, as he watched her. "Did I—?"

"No," she said instantly, cutting him off. "No, I'm fine... I-I probably deserved it, anyway."

Snape's face fell into a shadow. It was like someone had just dumped a bucket of ice water on his head. What had caused her to make such an assumption? It wasn't as if he had a choice. What would someone think if they were to see a sight like that: her hand swooping up tenderly to wipe away a stray hair in his face…? It was the building blocks of a disaster waiting to happen. His eyes emptied and he swallowed again, looking away from her.

"That isn't it at all," he said, his voice raw. "I just can't—"

Snape raised his eyes and looked at her. He only just caught himself in time, as one of his hands reached out toward her shoulder. Then he whipped it back and placed it on his desk, Lucinda noticing nothing. How the hell do you comfort a student, anyway? He'd never done it before. Well, this was annoying… Snape bit his words down and stared straight ahead to the back of the classroom. Comforting her right now would be a second set of disastrous building blocks.

"Miss Morgan," he cleared his throat, his voice now in a business-like tone. "You may go now. I have nothing more to say."

"Yes, you do," she said firmly, leaning in. "You haven't told me why you're suspending my detentions."

"It doesn't matter. Now, leave."

Lucinda shot up from her seat in final desperation. "I will not!" she yelled. "First tell me why!"

"DAMN IT!" he bellowed, standing up (he towered over her and she had to tilt her head back to look at him). "You stupid girl! Why can't you just leave it alone?!" He suddenly grasped her by the shoulders and twirled her around to face away from him. A jolt went through his stomach. Then he gave her a gentle shove toward the classroom door. "GO," he commanded firmly. "I refuse to allow you to serve another detention with me."

"W-what?" Lucinda stumbled forward and twisted back around to look at him with a hardened stare. "What are you talking about?!" she shrieked. "You really can't tell me WHY?"

"Lucinda…" he began, seriously, closing his eyes. "Just…" he opened them again and pointed toward the door. "Just get the fuck out, already!" he finally yelled.

She winced at the harsh words that spilled from his mouth. As much as she really wished it didn't, her chin quivered. Why did he have to be so mean about it…? Lucinda couldn't hold her tears back; not after how he'd treated her. They ran down her cheeks and Snape groaned internally. He sighed and looked away, his gaze finding the glass of water on his desk. He reached down and picked it up, taking a sip. Lucinda watched him through blurred vision. She clenched her teeth down and Snape suddenly spat the water out, bringing his other hand to his mouth. It had burned him. The water was boiling hot. Snape turned and looked at Lucinda. Her face went red.

"I-I'm sorry, that was an accident!"

Snape looked at her in bewilderment and set the glass back down. "Alright, now it's definitely time to leave," he said shaking his head. "If you're going to start burning teachers left and right anytime they say something you don't want to hear, then you can just—"

"Hey, I said it was an accident!" Lucinda fumed. "You act like I did it on purp—"

"That's beside the point," he cut her off in turn. "It's time to go." The Potions master wrapped a hand around her upper arm and walked to the classroom door, pulling her along with him. He pushed her lightly out into the hallway, but before he could shut the door, she turned around and looked at him defiantly.

"Since you won't give me a reason for suspending my detentions, I'll be back tonight to serve one."

Snape scoffed at her. "Fine," he said carelessly and then shut the door in her face.

Lucinda stood there for a second longer. She stomped her foot once in agitation and then stormed off down the corridor.

x-x-x

"AAAEEEEEE!"

Every single Gryffindor in the common room jumped violently as Lucinda walked in and let out a glass-shattering scream. Aurora, who was sitting cross-legged on the rug in front of the fireplace, sprang to her feet.

"Who hates Snape?!" Lucinda bellowed crazily, looking around at all of the staring faces. "Anyone else hate him? Because I—" she clenched her hands and eyes shut. "—HATE HIM!"

Everyone was quiet and Lucinda didn't move. After a moment passed, she opened one eye to peek at the room. Nearly every person around her had their hand high in the air. Lucinda relaxed and straightened back up. "Ahaha…" she laughed lightly, her face going red. "Sorry about that… Just uh… Just got carried away, I guess… Haha… Ahem." She quickly turned and rushed up the girl's dormitory staircase, before she babbled anymore. Aurora followed after her. The rest of the Gryffindors went back to what they were doing.

"What the HELL was that about?" she asked once they were both alone in their room.

Lucinda sat on the side of her bed and stared out of the window. She hung her head and sighed. "I don't know. I was angry… That's all."

Aurora's face went expressionless. "Well, that's apparent... I meant why, Lucy."

Lucinda looked up at her friend. "He told me…" she stopped. It was too much to recount… and confusing. What was the point in telling her about the "suspended detentions" if she was just going to go back and serve one that night? "He called me stupid!" she said, instead.

Aurora dropped her mouth open in shock and clucked her tongue. "That dickhead! You're totally the smartest person he's ever had in his class!"

Lucinda nodded vigorously.

"Probably smarter than HIM!" Aurora continued. "You could, like… take his damn job!"

"Okay, okay," Lucinda laughed. "Calm down."

Aurora strutted back and forth in front of Lucinda, kicking her long, slender legs into the air, as she began chanting, "SMARTER-THAN-SNAPE! SMARTER-THAN-SNAPE!"

Lucinda fell to her back laughing. She covered her face with her hands.

Aurora suddenly froze in mid-strut and whipped around to face her friend.

"Feel better now?" Aurora asked, smiling warmly.

Lucinda wiped tears from her eyes. "Yes…" she replied, standing to embrace her. "Thank you, crazy lady."

Laughter filled the room once more and it wasn't silent again for a long while after.

x-x-x

Once the door was closed, Snape had pressed an ear against the wood and listened. The girl had stayed for only a moment longer before she left. When he was sure she was gone, he opened the door back up again and looked down the hall. It was deserted, dark, and cold, but there was no one there… thankfully.

"Shit…" he said to himself, then shut the door and walked back to his desk.

It started out as this little, itty, bitty problem, but now it seemed to be taking a turn into something so vile and destructive, that even he thought he might not survive it. For someone just looking in from the outside, it seemed so simple; silly even. Yet… Severus touched the glass on his desk. It was still warm to the touch, but not boiling hot anymore. Either way, something had to be done. If he could just get her to understand without really understanding his true intentions, everything would be peachy. He had only a few hours to figure it out and she'd be back, tap-tap-tappin' on his door…

x-x-x

Lucinda had fallen asleep. It was a wonder she could sleep at all, with the thoughts that'd been racing through her brain. She fell asleep, nonetheless. Aurora had been telling her stories of her past, both girls stretched out across their beds on their backs, and Lucinda eventually drifted off. Aurora didn't blame her. The girl seemed so damn tired all of the time, anyway. It was a tough life, being the smartest in Potions class and being hated at the same time. Everyone despised Snape, but if Potions was Lucinda's best and favorite subject, how would that make her feel? The thing she loved was turning against her in the form of her Professor. Did she really hate him, as well… or was she hurt rather than angry?

When Miss Morgan came to, it was well after dark. She sat upright so quickly, she couldn't even remember being asleep. The girl looked around and saw that no one else was in the dormitory anyway. But then there was a small movement and she saw that one of their roommates was in the room. She was in bed, across from her, completely silent. Lucinda wouldn't have noticed if the other girl hadn't shifted under her covers. It made her wonder how late it was if she was already in bed.

Lucinda got up and stretched, her robes were still on, along with her shoes. A slight panic ran through her as she wondered what time it was and whether or not she was already late for detention. In a strange way, part of her wasn't even stressed about it. Since Snape had told her she was off the hook, it was like she was making her own schedule now anyway. Who cared if she was late? Hopefully not Professor Snape…

The floorboards creaked a little as Lucinda made her way to the door.

"Have you seen Amph?"

Lucinda jumped so violently she fell into the door at a stumble. When she looked around, the girl who had been in the bed was suddenly sitting upright and looking at her. Her figure was still in shadow, so she couldn't see what she looked like, but her voice was clear and concerned.

"Who?" Lucinda asked, taking a step toward the shadowed figure.

The girl didn't move for a moment. Then her head turned from side to side, looking around. "Amphetia," she said sleepily and leaned back into her pillows. "She said she'd be up in a few."

Lucinda didn't know what to say. "I just woke up…" she replied dumbly. "I haven't seen anyone."

The girl didn't answer. Instead, she leaned back into her pillows more and then turned over, facing the wall. "She needs to get some sleep and stop this…" she said quietly and her response sounded definitive. Despite the obvious ending of the conversation, Lucinda spoke up once more.

"What's your name?"

The girl in the bed didn't say anything. Lucinda thought maybe she really had just been sleep-talking, but then the silhouette of her head inclined slightly.

"Nicalia," the girl said and then buried her head into the pillows without another word.

Lucinda left the room and hurried down to the Common Room. She only thought of the girl throughout the length of the staircase. By the time the fireplace light hit her face, she had only one thing on her mind: detention.

x-x-x

It was a lot later than she'd hoped or thought; nearly ten o'clock. Aurora had asked her not to go. "It would be pointless," she'd said. "He won't even be there anymore." Lucinda thought about it. Again, there was that part of her that agreed with her friend. She wouldn't get in trouble either way, since she technically didn't need to go… but then there was another part of her that said, go go go. What if tonight she learned about his past? What if instead of some horribly boring detention, Professor Snape decided to tell her about where he was born, what he studied in school, if he always wanted to be a teacher…

"Don't go," Aurora said again, in an offhand voice, not pressing. "If you caught him now, he'd probably be pissed off if he waited around for you."

"I can't just not go."

"It's your funeral," Aurora shrugged from the chair she was sitting in by the darkened window, not looking up at her.

Lucinda looked at her for a moment. "I'll be fine," she said finally and Aurora's lips pulled into a smirk, though she still did not deter from the book she was reading.

After saying a brief goodbye, Lucinda Morgan made her way out of the Gryffindor wing and out into the dark corridor halls. Once she was actually out there, she felt a little less confident about the whole situation. The darkness sure made things seem a lot less significant and real. There was also the problem of being out at such a late hour. She was pretty sure it was prohibited to all except staff and Prefects. Well, hopefully she didn't run into anyone important…

Some time passed. In it, Lucinda grew colder and more regretful. She started to feel that Aurora was right. She shouldn't have gone, at all. What was the point? Either Snape wasn't there and she'd have to make her way all the way back to her dormitory unnoticed or he was there and he was pissed at her for being so late. The more believable one being that she'd be taking a long trip back to her bed, having accomplished nothing.

Lucinda was just about to step off the last stair in the Entrance Hall, down to the dungeons, when the door to it opened. She flew back into the corner and spread herself against the wall, willing her body to blend in with it. Luckily, whoever walked through the door didn't see her. They left the dungeons and not only walked away at a surprisingly quick stride, but slammed the door behind them with such force it scared her.

What the hell is that about? She thought to herself. She was about to slip through the door and continue her journey down beneath the castle, but something made her stop. The way that person was gliding away so effortlessly made her think it was a ghost at first. I mean, they're creepy enough in the daytime, but at night it was just ridiculous. It made her skin crawl. This figure wasn't glowing like a ghost, though. It continued to disappear into the shadows, as it made its way up the Entrance Hall staircase. It wasn't until a sliver of moonlight shone down on his face that Lucinda realized that it was Professor Snape, himself.

Oh god, the girl thought to herself. What was she going to do? If she ran after him… No, that would make this situation even worse. Plus, what if he got freaked out with her just running up on him? He might hit her with a curse out of reflex. But, he was getting further away; almost to the top of the stairs. Soon he would be out of sight. There was a split second that Lucinda thought of just letting him go and walking back to her dormitory. There was also the second after that, that made her want to stop him and so she did. In a slight state of panic, Lucinda let out a tiny cough.

For a moment he didn't stop. The cough echoed from the corner where the girl resided, bounced up against the tall ceiling and then made its way back down, through the ears of the Potions Professor. Then he did stop, right foot on the very top stair.

Lucinda stiffened against the wall, wanting to disappear. It seemed like a good idea to stop him from walking away, but what was she supposed to do now? He stood there, very still; probably waiting for another cough or a footstep or a cleared throat… So, the Gryffindor coughed again (a little louder this time).

Snape snapped his head in her direction, pulling his wand out at the same time. Lucinda sucked in her breath, hoping that in the next moment he didn't use it on her. He still didn't seem to see her. She could make out his head turning slightly, back and forth, searching for the coughing culprit. She decided to take a chance.

"Um…" she said quietly and stepped forward.

Snape watched, hand clenched tightly around the wand, ready to strike if the situation called for it. Hogwarts was pretty well protected, but there were ways of getting in. It could be someone dangerous. Plus, there was the fact that not everyone who went to Hogwarts was a class "A" kind of person… Then he finally saw her, as she stepped forward. He saw the movement in the shadowy corner first and then her face was illuminated by the moonlight. She stopped just at the base of the staircase. He slowly lowered his wand.

"Um…" Lucinda said again. "S-Sorry I'm late."

It was a defining moment. At least, that's how she thought of it. There was something different hanging so heavy in the air, she didn't know whether to hold her breath or drown in it. The moonlight bathed them both in a fuzzy glow, eyes darkened by shadows. Snape didn't say anything. Lucinda didn't either for a moment. Then, without warning, the Potions Professor started down the stairs toward her, his movements swift and with purpose. Lucinda didn't know what to do or what would happen. A scolding was probably going to be in order. She braced herself for it.

When Snape reached the bottom of the staircase, he didn't say anything. He simply took her by the arm and pulled her. Lucinda stumbled after him as he led her back up the stairs. "How long have you been standing down there?" he whispered forcefully. He sounded irritated, mad even. Of course… Lucinda thought sadly. This really was a pointless trip.

"I just got here," she whispered back. They were already on the top landing.

Snape stopped there and let her arm go with a little shove. "Get back to your dormitory," he said.

"What is your problem?" she asked, defensively and pulled her robes closer around her.

"Miss Morgan," he said quietly, folding his arms and staring her down. She kept her body turned to the side, but her face tilted in his direction. "What possessed you to think that coming down here tonight was a good idea?"

She thought she would have something to say to this. After all, he was probably going to ask and he did. "I said I wanted to serve my detention," she whispered back, trying to sound confident, but her voice rose up at the end of the sentence and it sounded more like she were asking a question instead of making a sure statement.

Snape rolled his eyes. "It's nearly eleven," he reminded her, his voice shaking slightly with his growing agitation. "Why the hell would you come down here?"

"I-I already told you! I wanted to—hey!"

He'd taken her roughly by the arm again and continued to drag her up along the next flight of stairs. "Be quiet!" he hissed again, sounding more and more like a snake.

Which suited him perfectly, being a former Slytherin… Lucinda thought briefly, before she wrenched her arm out of his grasp. "Stop it!" she cried in hushed tones. "Where are we going?!"

"You are going back to your dormitory, you sneaky, little Gryffindor!" He replied, a little louder than he'd meant to. His voice echoed ever so slightly against the empty hall. He stood very still then and turned his head back and forth, listening. When no other sound was made, he turned back to the one behind him. "You really are a stupid girl, you know that?!" He whispered angrily. "Why did you come down here?"

"Well, why did you come up here?!" she retorted in an equally angry whisper. "I know it's against the rules for me to be wandering this late, but if I didn't show up, then you wouldn't have taken me seriously!"

From what she could see in the moonlight, Snape's face had softened a little. Then it went right back to its original, irritated state. "Why are you so late then, if you had planned to come all along?"

"What about my question?" she replied, stepping toward him. "You were waiting for me, weren't you? Why else would you still be here?"

"Like I care if a little girl wants to serve a pointless detention—"

"And you were leaving the dungeons," she continued, cutting him off. "Why would you be going upstairs at this time of night? Were you looking for me? Did you really wait all this time?"

Snape's face filled in with a well-hidden blush, one that Lucinda had to really look close at to decide whether or not it even was one. He seemed comically less mean like this and she couldn't help but laugh a little. She regretted it instantly, having just seen the chilling look on his face.

"Dear god, you are insane!" Snape raged, baring his teeth. "How dare you speak to me that way!"

Lucinda's eyes got wide and she stumbled back away from him. "I didn't mean anything by it—"

"Is someone up there?"

Lucinda and Snape both froze, as a small stream of light began to wave back and forth across the ceiling of the Entrance Hall. Someone had heard them. Lucinda looked back at Snape. He didn't look panicked. He almost looked as if he were contemplating whether or not to care at all. He had his face inclined toward the waving light, but he was looking at her from the side. His eyes shifted to the footsteps now coming up the stairs and then back at her again.

All she could do was shake her head, hoping that he'd take her motion to mean "Please don't give me away."

The Professor waited a beat, thinking it over. Then, before Lucinda could do anything, he took his wand out and said, "Lumos".

"No!" Lucinda whispered frantically, sinking back into the shadows as a bright light erupted from the tip of the wand.

"It's just me, Argus," Snape called down to the person that was halfway up the staircase. "I caught a student out of bed."

That asshole! Lucinda screamed in her head.

"Aha!" the caretaker exclaimed. "I knew it! I always know! Shall we do something about it?" The man named Argus seemed to be jumping out of his skin, he was so excited.

Lucinda could only think of the worst. She felt sick to her stomach. Not only was it a pointless visit, but Aurora had been right. This was her funeral. She felt her heart start to beat loudly in her ears and her eyes began to water.

"I already have," Snape said suddenly and glanced in her direction, mouth curling into a sneer. "She has a weeks' worth of detention to serve with me now."

There was a yelp of pleasure at that. "Great!" the caretaker cried. "Oh, that's perfect, Severus. Little brats need to learn that this is our school! They like to run around like they own the place, don't they?!"

"Indeed," the Potions Master nodded. "You may go now. I'll take it from here."

"Y-You sure you don't want me to come along?" Argus Filch asked, greedily. "We could take a detour to the torture chamber—"

"Filch, you know that's not allowed anymore," Snape replied, almost smirking (almost). "Though, I wish it was—trust me."

Lucinda watched him, appalled. This guy was demented. He was right about one thing: what the hell had possessed her to come down here?!

In the next few minutes, after Snape had to once again coax Filch to carry on up the stairs and past them, they were finally alone. Lucinda didn't say anything. She kept her arms folded across her chest and glared at her Professor.

"You turned me in, anyway!" she nearly yelled after a minute of silence.

"Hardly," he replied lazily and continued to walk down the corridor. "You wanted detention? Well, you got it."

"I… already… HAD DETENTION!" She really did yell this time and Snape spun around in an instant and clamped his hands over her mouth. Her eyes went as wide as the full moon that shone through the windows. Though she tried to pull his hands away with her own tiny ones, Snape kept them firmly in place.

"Listen here, you incessant, vile child," he growled in a deep, threatening whisper, holding her gaze. "You are about this close to seeing me lose my shit. I am your teacher—not your friend, not your father, not even a nice cousin—your teacher. Stop acting like a spoiled little brat, do your homework, study your books and stay the fuck away from me." Lucinda stumbled backward into the wall as he released her. Her lips tingled where his palm had touched them.

"You're a jerk," she choked out, quickly wiping away the few tears that had leaked down her cheeks.

"Yes, I am," he replied, face falling to an even deeper scowl. "Get back to your dormitory."

"Don't talk to me as if I'm an animal," she mumbled and pushed past him. He caught her arm with his right hand.

"Don't act like one, then," he said, squeezing slightly. "I will not tell you again. Don't wander these halls at night."

Lucinda didn't reply right away. He had been glaring so hatefully at her that even the tiniest change in his expression was easy to see. That's how she caught the wavering in his eyes at his last sentence. There was something behind them; something that his pupils said, as they dilated a fraction. She couldn't look away, because he hadn't said anything more. He hadn't released her. He continued to hold her gaze. It was only then that she realized he was waiting for her acknowledgement.

"I won't wander the halls at night," she said quietly and then shrugged out of his grasp again.

"Good," he said curtly and turned to head back in the opposite direction.

Lucinda continued to walk for only a few steps before she felt her anger bubble up. She really didn't even know why. Perhaps it was simply because he'd been so terrible to her and so insensitive that she suddenly wanted to spew profanity down the hall and into his face. "Professor?" she called, turning around.

Snape actually stopped, which she hadn't expected him to. He looked over his shoulder at her. "What is it now?"

"So, should I just skip your class from now on?" she asked, her voice building in confidence again. "Since I'm supposed to stay the fuck away from you?"

Snape walked back to her so quickly, he was there in less than three long strides. He grabbed up the front of her robes and pulled her in toward his face. "Don't…" he snarled, baring his teeth at her again. "…use language like that."

"You did—"

"It doesn't matter!" he spat. He was becoming livid. "I'll see you in detention tomorrow evening. Say another word and I'll cut your tongue out of that open trap of yours."

Lucinda didn't say another word.


	7. The X and Samael

"Man, he looks like shit."

Lucinda turned to look at her friend. They were sitting in Potions class, working silently on the day's lesson. Aurora kept glancing up at their Professor, who'd been strangely quiet throughout the entire period. He hadn't even taken a lap through the room to criticize everyone's work, as he was known to do every single time they were in there.

"And I can't believe he didn't wait up for you…" she whispered, mostly to herself. "He looks like he was up all night, anyway."

"Why would he?" Lucinda whispered back. She didn't know why she lied to Aurora about what happened. Again, it was just one of those things that needn't be told. She still had detention with him. Filch never saw her. What would be the point in telling her friend all of that? Instead, to explain why she was so late coming back if Snape wasn't even there, she had told her that she was almost caught. She had to "hide out" for a while until the coast was clear. Aurora accepted this without a word of interrogation. No doubt, she'd had her own fill of late night wanderings; possibly even caught on more than one occasion.

Aurora shrugged in response to Lucinda's inquest. "Well, if he hates you, I guess he wouldn't wait."

Lucinda sighed and looked up. Snape had apparently been staring at her, because he suddenly flicked his eyes from her to Aurora.

"Borealis!" he snapped. "Stop mumbling over there!"

"Ah!" Aurora exclaimed, nearly knocking her cauldron off of its burner. She grabbed it just before it went teetering off. "What the f—!"

"Ten points from Gryffindor for the use of profanity," he sneered.

"I didn't even say it!"

The room had been so quiet that everyone jumped at Snape's sudden outburst. One of the students even spilled something acidic all over the table, because you could hear the sizzling of it eating away at the wood.

The Potions Master rolled his eyes, "And ten more points from Miss Aberdeen for ruining another table."

The whole class groaned.

"Same old Snape…" Gabe whispered from the other side of Aurora. Luckily, their Professor didn't hear that retort.

The rest of the class period went by in silence. Lucinda thought Professor Snape would ask her to stay after to speak with her about what happened, but he did not. Even when she went back that night to serve her detention, he hardly said anything to her.

"Your job is the Aberdeen table in the second row over there," he said, barely giving her his full attention. He sat at his desk, writing up the next day's lesson.

"What am I supposed to do?" she asked, walking to the ruined table top.

"It needs to be refinished," he replied, flipping over the piece of parchment in his hand, studying what he'd written. "Without magic," he added, glancing up at her.

"Without—! How am I supposed to—?!"

"Well, what if there was no magic?" Snape retorted, placing his quill to the parchment again. "What would you do then?"

Lucinda stared at the table. Her face drew down into a painful frown. "If you've got magic, use it…" she mumbled.

Snape smirked, but the girl didn't see it.

x-x-x

Two hours passed and Lucinda was only halfway done with the table. She'd used wood filler that apparently Snape kept in the supply cupboard at the back of the room, just for occasions like this. Occasions that called for punishment… she thought bitterly.

"That's enough for tonight," Snape spoke up from his desk suddenly.

The girl looked up from the table, her hands darkened from the filler. "But, I'm not finished yet," she replied quickly. "I still have to sand this down and put a coat of gloss on it."

"That will take all night," he waved a hand at her, his eyes still glued to the work in front of him. "Come back tomorrow night."

Lucinda looked down at her hands and rubbed them together. "Okay…" she replied and began to put her tools away. It was no use arguing. She didn't want him to blow up again like he did the night before. She wanted to stay on his good side.

When she was ready to leave, she stopped in front of his desk. It took a good 45 seconds before he acknowledged she was there, but finally he did.

"I take it you're still standing there for a reason," he sighed, setting his quill down. "What is it?" He looked up at her with a bored expression.

"I… I just wanted to ask you…" she began, while she wrung her hands in front of her, nervously. She didn't look at him.

Snape's stomach started to twist. Oh god, what the hell was she about to ask him? "What is it?" he asked, raising his voice in agitation.

"Are-Are you still mad about last night?" she blurted.

When he didn't say anything right away, she looked up at him. He was staring at her, clearly annoyed and his face continued to draw down into a glower.

"You know, Miss Morgan," he said thoughtfully, yet his face was staring daggers at her. "If you hadn't said anything, I would have forgotten all about it. Thank you for reminding me."

"It was just a question—"

"Why did you arrive so late last night?" he enquired.

Lucinda closed her mouth. She could argue with him, but what was the point? She decided to just answer truthfully. "I fell asleep."

He watched her face, studying her chin to make sure it didn't quiver. Girls did that sometimes when they lied, like lying made them want to cry or something. It was ridiculous. Lucinda's chin didn't quiver, but… "I don't believe you," he said matter-of-factly.

The girl's eyes grew slightly larger. "I don't care whether or not you believe me," she snapped.

The Potions Master threw her a threatening glance. "Do not—"

"Right, right," she said, sighing and placing a hand to her forehead. "Don't speak to you that way. I'm sorry." She dropped her hand back to her side. "And I'm also sorry if you waited for me…" she added, sincerely. "…even if you won't tell me whether or not you did."

He didn't say anything. His eyes were back to staring at the top of his desk. In fact, he sat there silent for so long, Lucinda wondered if it was better for her to just leave. She picked up her bag. She'd brought it with her (full of her books, parchment and quills) incase he wanted her to study silently. "Goodnight, Sir," she said and then walked to the classroom door. The moment she opened it, Snape finally spoke.

"I was up late grading papers," he said suddenly behind her.

Lucinda turned around. He was still looking straight ahead, his hands clasped in front of him, elbows resting on the desk. "Oh…" she replied, since he'd gone silent again.

"I happened to remember that you might show up, so I waited a few minutes longer and that was it," he continued, voice steady, like he were reciting an article. "When you didn't show up, I went upstairs, because…" Snape paused. Because I knew you'd get into some kind of trouble, you stupid girl! He thought angrily. "Because if someone caught you," he began again, standing up and looking at her. "Then you would have received ridiculously more detention and I listen to your relentless ramblings enough as it is."

"Who says I would end up serving them with you?" she demanded, tapping her foot a little.

He walked to the open doorway where she stood. She looked up at him, waiting for his answer, but it never came. To her surprise, he placed his hand at the middle of her back and gave her a tiny shove out the door.

"See you tomorrow, Miss Priss," he said in mock merriment. "Oh and don't be late." He scoffed and then shut the door.

Lucinda stared at it, eyes darting back and forth in disbelief. "Yeah, you will see me tomorrow!" she yelled pathetically at him. "And every night for the rest of the week! And I'm going to talk... a LOT!"

Thankfully, she couldn't see him. He had his head buried in his desk, biting his lip and trying to force away the smile that kept clawing its way back up his throat. What a terrible situation. He didn't even mind her company. What was more; he really enjoyed pissing her off. It was easy to be malicious to any of the other stupid, little Gryffindors, but this one gave him too much pleasure when she mouthed off or stomped her foot or whatever else spoiled little girls did. He just had to be careful not to get too caught up in the joy. He could forget to be mean to her, after all…

x-x-x

"What is the difference between these two things?"

"Umm… They don't have the same… color?"

"Well, yes, sort of…" Lucinda replied, looking down at the two cards she was holding. "But they're so close to the same color that you must be careful which one you put in the cauldron."

Aurora grimaced at her, but stayed silent.

"Why?" Lucinda continued. "What happens if one of these things is put in right after the sparrow throat?"

"Uhh…" her friend replied, grimacing even more. "Sssomething… bad?"

Lucinda nodded and turned the card over, revealing a moving picture of a cauldron exploding.

"Shit," Aurora said breathlessly. "How am I ever going to do this?"

"You'll be fine," Lucinda said cheerfully and flipped the card back to its original position. Both cards had a photograph of a red plant on it and they looked identical. One was just a slight darker shade of crimson that the other. "Now," Lucinda said seriously. "Since the two are so alike in color, you can't merely look at them to decide which the correct ingredient to use is. What else can tell you the difference?"

"Oh my god, Lucy," Aurora flopped back into the grass with an aggravated sigh. "Just tell me already!"

They were under a low-hanging tree by the Black Lake. Aurora had asked Lucinda to quiz her for Snape's first upcoming exam, but all of the questions were irritating her. Why did Potions have to be so complicated?

Lucinda tried not to smile at her friend's impatience. "Okay," she said, squinting against the filtered sun above them. "You have to smell them. One of them gives off a minty aroma and the other is peppery. Can you guess which one goes 'KABOOM'?"

Aurora glared at her.

"Okay, okay," Lucinda said, unable to hide her grin. "It's surprisingly the mint one. Do NOT use the minty smelling one. It's called Dagala. The peppery one is Spracklen."

"Dagala—Spracklen—mint—pepper—Agh!" her white-haired friend cried out in despair. "It's too much! My brain! Agh!"

Lucinda let out a little of the laughter she'd been holding in. She couldn't help it. Aurora began to fake cry and did so as loud as she possibly could, becoming hysterical. Passing students looked over at them with alarmed faces. This made Lucinda laugh even harder, causing Aurora to turn her cries into laughter, as well.

"Rorie, you're annoying!" Someone called from somewhere in front of them.

Aurora stopped laughing and sat back up, gazing across the water. There was a boy standing in a small, row boat in the middle of the lake, staring in their direction. Lucinda couldn't make out his face. All she could see was his fiery hair. Rorie seemed to know him, though.

"Aw shut up, Michael!" she yelled back.

The boy laughed, bending over and holding his stomach.

"It wasn't that funny…" Aurora mumbled, glancing at her friend with wide eyes.

"Who is that?" Lucinda asked, as the boy began to dance with himself. "And… what's wrong with him?" She tried not to laugh, in case he was one of her friends, but it was extremely difficult. The guy seemed mental.

"Xavier Michael," she replied, speaking as if the name bewildered her. "Everyone calls him 'X'. He's a fifth year and I swear to you, Lucy, I have hardly spoken to him and he acts like we're the best of friends."

"But what's wrong with—Haha!" Lucinda let out another bark of laughter, as the boy named "X" nearly fell into the water.

"Woah woah!" he cried out, waving his arms to steady himself.

"What are you doing, man?" another student called from a few feet away. "The Giant Squid's gonna get you!"

The red-haired boy looked around him in a panic. "Holy shit, there's a squid in here?!"

Lucinda looked back at her friend with a grin. Aurora had her lips pressed tightly together, trying to keep a straight face.

"Oh my god, he's so weird…" she whispered to herself.

"Rorie-Rorie!" X called to her, waving his arms over his head. "I can't swim!"

"Then why are you on the lake?" Aurora called back, lazily and kept her eyes on Lucinda. The two girls stifled their bouts of laughter again.

"W-what if he really c… can't swim—" Lucinda tried to get it out, but she held her stomach as it shook.

"Pff!" Aurora waved a hand, dismissing the idea. "He can swim. I've seen him do it."

Lucinda looked left and right and saw that other students were gathering around the edge of the water. They put hands to their mouths, hiding their smiles. Some of them (mainly what looked like friends of his) laughed loudly and pointed. Then there was a sudden splash in the water and that was that. X had dove (or maybe he just fell) into the water.

Even though she seemed confident about it before, Aurora suddenly stood up, watching for Michael's face to surface again. Lucinda followed suit and straightened up beside her.

"Um…" Lucinda said quietly.

Aurora's eyes shifted from the boat to the growing ripples in the water. She kept her composure pretty well, but her eyes were worried. Lucinda watched her and the other students around began to lower their voices and stare. Before anyone could begin to worry too much, something broke the surface of the water.

"Whoo!" X gasped, as his mop of red hair plastered his forehead and eyes. "Oh man, this water is cold!"

The students around the edge of the Black Lake let out a boisterous cheer. Even Lucinda clapped a little, thankful that the boy was okay. Aurora was the only one who didn't even smile. She picked up her bag and slung it over her shoulder.

"I'm going for lunch," she said briskly and started back up to the castle.

"Ah- Okay," Lucinda replied and began gathering up the flash cards and packing them into her bag again. Lunch sounded good. Maybe Aurora would be less cranky and want to study a bit more. The girl then put her bag around her shoulder and turned back to the boy in the lake. He'd crawled into the boat again, but he was no longer goofing off. He sat and stared at her. At least, that's what she thought. Then she realized he was staring past her, at the castle, where she had a feeling his gaze was lingering on the retreating head of a white-haired girl.

x-x-x

Aurora had quick feet. It didn't help that her legs were about twice as long as Lucinda's. By the time she'd reached the steps up to the castle, Aurora was already seated in the Great Hall and filling her plate. Lucinda would have been there in the next thirty seconds, had the next few seconds happened at a different time. As the girl rounded the corner into the Great Hall, someone else was coming out. They only just missed her and Lucinda saw a flash of black hair as they ran past.

"Nica!" A girl's voice called.

Then Lucinda was hit with such force that she went sprawling backwards across the floor. There was a sickening crack as her head smacked the stone and then everything went dark and silent.

Only a few seconds passed, before she started to regain her consciousness, though she felt like it had been hours.

"Is she alive?! Oh my god, is she dead?!"

"She's not dead, Clover."

There was something cradling her head. She moved it a little, side to side.

"See?" a male's voice said. "She just moved." The voice wasn't familiar. She wondered if it was another teacher, but they sounded more like a student; young.

"All of you out of the way!" Now that sounded like a teacher; Professor McGonagall, to be exact. "The child could have a concussion!"

"I was cushioning her head, Professor," and so the voice spoke again.

"Thank you, Mr. Samael," McGonagall answered. Her voice was getting closer.

Lucinda tried to sit up. Her arms felt like they had a jelly jinx on them. "H-umm…" she managed to choke out.

"My butterfly!" Clover squealed from somewhere to her left. "She's awakening!"

Lucinda used everything she had and opened her eyes a fraction. Everything was covered by a cloudy film. Someone was leaning in very close to her face.

"Lucinda? Lucinda Morgan?" McGonagall snapped her fingers in front of her eyes. "Can you hear me, child? Can you see me?"

"Um… s—sort of," she managed to reply, though her words were slurred.

There was someone else in her line of vision. They looked directly over her, staring into her eyes. She tried to focus, but all she could make out was the curtain of black hair that hung in his eyes.

"S…"

"What, dear?" McGonagall tapped the girl's chin lightly. "What's that?"

"S…" Lucinda tried again, reaching a hand up toward the figure looking at her. "Snape?"

Everyone went silent for a second and then, "Did she just say 'Snape'?"

"Aw man!" someone said. "She can't get away from Potions even in her sleep!"

"Professor Snape?" Lucinda's teacher repeated back to her. "Miss Morgan, can you see Professor Snape—Oh, Merlin's beard, Severus, come over here."

"I have nothing to do with any of this," came the faraway voice of Snape. "Leave me out of it."

"Are you going to just stand up there and do nothing?"

"Lucinda?" There was that voice again. "Lucinda can you see me?"

The girl strained again to focus her eyes. There were two black ones staring back at her; young, bright and searching. Her vision came into full focus, then. It hadn't been Snape after all… These eyes belonged to someone she'd never seen before. He was pale, slim, glossy black eyebrows that matched his equally glossy, black, shoulder-length hair. This hair curled up under his chin and into his dark eyes as he stared down at her. She realized now that her head was in his lap. Before she could be embarrassed, the boy had moved and McGonagall was taking her head in her hands.

"Lucy?" McGonagall was saying a little gentler this time, trying to hold her gaze. "Lucinda, can you sit up?"

Lucinda pulled her elbows close to her body and tried to push up on them.

"There we go," her Professor said, kindly and slipped a hand under her back for support. "Sit up, up up…"

"Ah," Lucinda winced and brought a hand up to the back of her head. She felt for a bump. It was there, but it was surprisingly small. She looked around and, for the first time in those few minutes, got a good look at her surroundings. McGonagall was sitting there with her, of course. So was the boy with black hair. There was also a small crowd surrounding them. Clover and Aurora were in the midst of it, staring at her with frightened looks.

"Samael," McGonagall turned to the boy. "You're a Prefect. I need you to walk Miss Morgan to the Hospital Wing, please. That is…" she turned to the girl. "…if you can walk?"

Lucinda hesitated and then nodded.

"Will do, Professor," he answered cheerfully. "I'm your guy."

The one called "Samael" helped her to her feet, keeping a hand at the small of her back and the other clasped within hers, allowing her to place her full weight on him (which wasn't that much). "Easy there," Samael whispered from his wide-smiling mouth. Lucinda leaned into him in a daze. Everyone was staring at her, but she couldn't concentrate on much more than just getting to the Hopsital Wing without collapsing.

"What a bunch of jerks…" a girl's small voice piped up quietly from the on-lookers. "They knocked her over and just kept going…"

Her head was starting to really hurt. Lucinda squeezed a little tighter on her escort's arm. "What—" she began and then steadied her breathing, while her head pounded. "What was your name again?"

The raven-haired boy's mouth spread into a warm smile. "My name is Tristin," he replied coolly and started to lead her through the group of students and up the marble staircase. "Tristin Samael. I'm a Prefect."

"Is she going to be alright?" Aurora spoke quietly to Professor McGonagall. "She doesn't even seem to really know where she is…"

"I think she'll be fine," she replied, confidently. "She didn't ask who any of us were. She hasn't lost her memory."

"Where are we going?" Lucinda asked and she closed her eyes, because her vision began to swim again.

"I'm taking you to the Hospital Wing," the boy at her side replied, as they made their way up the second flight of stairs. "Don't worry—"

"No, you're not."

Everyone, including Professor McGonagall, the on-looking students and the caretaker who'd been hovering in the corner, looked up to see Severus Snape standing at the top of the stairs. Lucinda and Tristin both stopped walking and gazed up at him. He didn't look mad. He didn't look like anything. He didn't even look like he'd said anything at all… but he had.


	8. To The Hospital Wing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The title speaks for itself, but there are a few other things in there.

"I'm sorry, Professor?" Tristin replied in friendly curiosity.

The Potions Professor took a few steps down the staircase. Lucinda watched him, titillated, but more occupied with the bursts of stars in her vision. "You were in the middle of something, Samael," he continued. "Were you not?"

The boy who had a hold of Lucinda didn't reply right away, but then, "Yes, that's right," he said, almost embarrassed. "I was on my way down to the dungeons." He was saying it more to her, than to Snape.

"Yes, that is right," the Potion's Master remarked. Did Lucinda hear a hint of resentment in his voice? She might have, had she been paying attention. However, she was swaying slightly and looking off to the left of Snape's shoulder. "Don't think you can get out of Prefect duties…" he continued, narrowing his eyes at the boy. "…just because someone had a tumble. Finish the incident with Peeves."

Tristin looked at the girl inside his arm for a moment, but then nodded in agreement. "You're right, Professor," he said and then added, "Would you like to escort her, then?"

Snape looked from the girl and then back at Samael. "I have my own duties to attend to," he said, eyes flashing to the group of people at the bottom of the stairs and then past them. "Michael!" he called to a boy who'd just walked through the Entrance doors.

"What!" the boy blurted, terrified by the Professor's sudden interest in him. He was soaking wet. He wanted to hurry up to his dormitory to change and now everyone was looking at him. Normally, he wouldn't care, but right now he wasn't feeling very social.

"What happened to you?" Tristin asked, turning around and taking his arm away from Lucinda's side.

"Michael, take this student to the Hospital Wing," Snape said and walked the couple of steps down to where she was. "Have them check for a concussion."

"O..kay?" the red-haired boy said hesitantly and walked past the crowd in front of him. His eyes flicked to the silvery hair of a girl staring at him.

"Professor, I can take her." Aurora called up to her teacher. "She doesn't even know Michael."

"That's irrelevant," Snape sighed, waving his hand as if swatting a gnat. "You have my class next hour. You can't afford to miss it."

"Then Clover can—"

"Um…" her brother said behind her. "I actually have to go with McGonagall right now."

"Professor McGonagall," the stern witch said out of reflex. "Mr. Michael, please escort Miss Morgan upstairs."

X nodded and then continued his way up the staircase to the two standing there (Tristin was already to the bottom landing and was making his way through the dungeon's door). Xavier was only halfway to them when the girl suddenly fell backwards.

Snape had been watching her out of his peripheral vision. He knew something like this would happen the moment Samael let go of her and she no longer had someone to support her. He was afraid of touching her, though, so he'd stayed where he was. He'd just hoped that Michael would get up there faster. But, too late; she suddenly lost consciousness again and fell backwards, straight down the stairs.

Everyone gasped and within the next second they all sighed in unison. Professor Snape's hand shot out and grabbed the front of the girl's robes and snapped her body back toward him. He had to do it quickly; otherwise she would have taken him down with her. He caught her with both arms and she sagged lifelessly into him; complete deadweight.

"Holy shit!" Michael exclaimed. "Good catch!"

"Five points from Hufflepuff, Michael," Snape said quickly, as he tried to get a better hold on the girl. How could someone fall unconscious so quickly? Really, passing out, tripping him, spewing vile words at him, forgetting to take her medicine and dangerously wandering the halls at nights… She caused him nothing but trouble—!

That's when he felt it. It shot through him; a feeling like static, the moment his arms wrapped around her. It wasn't on the surface of the skin, like when you touch a metal door handle and get zapped or something of the like; it was deeper… It spiraled into the pit of his stomach and made its home there within seconds, Snape knowing nothing of what it actually was, and if they could only hear the battle that was then raging inside of him… There was something happening to his mind. He could feel it shifting, changing, and crackling into a different plane of existence. That was the only explanation for how fast his heart was beating.

He looked down at the girl with reproachful eyes. She was still sliding, because his grip on her was dwindling the longer he stared at her. Who the hell was this girl and why did she suddenly come here? For the first time in a very long while, Severus Snape felt a pang of fear.

Realizing that saving her just a few seconds ago just to have her tumble back down the stairs, was probably not a good way to end the day, the Potions Master tried to hike the girl higher up into his arms. It was no use. He looked ridiculous holding onto her the way he was. Even though he really wanted to drop her and leave, he hooked an arm under her thighs and picked her up cradle style. Her head lolled to the side and rested on his chest and he really did almost drop her right there.

Within just a few seconds Xavier was in front of Snape, but those seconds seemed to pass like an eternity. The boy held out his arms and Snape looked down at him with an expression that almost said "What the hell do you want?"

"Michael…" Snape said slowly, looking him up and down.

"Yes..?"

"You're wet," he replied, his voice sounding annoyed (with just an edge of exasperation). "More importantly, you're barely tall enough to pass as a Second Year."

X simply blinked at him, arms still outstretched, as if he were waiting for a hug from his Professor. Then he lowered his arms a little and said, "Do you not want me to take her?"

Snape paused. The girl in his arms breathed deep and he felt her lungs expand against him. "Can you?" he asked skeptically, hinting at the Hufflepuff's small frame.

"Yes," Xavier said instantly and then raised his arms back up to their original height.

Snape paused again and looked past the redhead and to the students below. "Are you all just going to stand there?" he snapped. "Get back to class if you have nothing better to do than to get in the way."

There was a sudden frantic shuffling of feet as everyone spread out and sprinted away in different directions. Aurora lingered only for a moment, sending one last worried glance Lucinda's way and then she too left, making her way downstairs, beneath the castle.

Snape then laid the unconscious girl in Michael's arms. The Hufflepuff took her from him easily, but the Potions Professor didn't let him get too far. The moment the boy took another step to walk up the stairs past him, Snape grabbed him by the shoulder.

Xavier froze.

"Take her straight there. No detours," Professor Snape said. He didn't need to add "or else". X could hear it in his voice. "Think you can handle that?"

The fire-haired boy nodded. "Yes," he said. "No detours. Got it."

"Good," Snape said and closed the conversation with that. He looked down at the girl again. How could she let herself get trampled like that; so clumsy, so careless and so stupid. She really was such a stupid girl. Without another word the Professor stepped around the other with ease and made his way down the stairs, leaving the entrance hall through the door to the dungeons.

Xavier watched him disappear behind the door before he looked down at the person in his arms. Lucinda Morgan… He had never spoken to her before. He'd seen her with Aurora a lot, though, so she must be worth talking to; especially since she was a new student. Who's a new student in their last year of schooling?

"Who is? Who? This girl!" X exclaimed quietly to himself and then fist pumped the air, causing Lucinda's body to jump slightly. Then he carried on down the hall.

x-x-x

Lucinda woke twice during their walk to Madam Pomfrey. She only managed to mumble out an incoherent: "Where are we?" the first time. Then, just as they were rounding the last corner before the Hospital Wing, he could have sworn she said very clearly, "Thank you, X", before her eyes closed again. Michael felt a warmth spread through his stomach. Well, shucks, he was just doing what he was told. No need to thank him, but okay.

Madam Pomfrey was not very happy to see them. She really never seemed happy to see any of the students in her medical wing. Fevers and colds were one thing. Those weren't technically anyone's fault. Broken bones and concussions were another matter; those usually resulted from carelessness and roughhousing. She clucked her tongue at Michael when he stepped into the long hall of a room with the limp girl in his arms.

"Mr. Michael, what have you done now?"

"It wasn't me!" he said defensively. "Honestly, I don't even know what happened. No one told me. They just dumped her on me."

"Don't be so insensitive," she replied sternly. "Lie her down over here." Madam Pomfrey pulled the sheets back from one of the beds and X did as she said.

"I'm pretty sure she got hit on the head or something," he said thoughtfully, peering down at the girl's dark, curly hair. "Professor Snape said to make sure you check for a concussion, so that kind of gave it away."

"Yes, yes," she replied, pushing the boy out of her way. "You may go back to class now. No use for you sticking around."

"Alright, PomPom!" X said impatiently, shrugging away from the woman. "I don't have time for her problems, anyway."

"Don't call me that," Madam Pomfrey warned, while she began examining the lump on the back of Lucinda's head. Then she said, mostly to herself, "I'll make sure to report back to Severus about this, then…"

X shrugged and stuck his hands in his pockets. "Whatever, I guess," he replied anyway and then headed for the door. "He's the one who was barking out orders. You'd think she was in Slytherin."

x-x-x

Gabriel poured a vile of Morning Mist into his cauldron and watched it for thirty seconds. It turned from a dim gold into a bright, glowing blue and then smoked lightly. He stared at it in amazement. Was this even possible? Did he get it right? He turned to look at Lucinda and ask for her opinion and approval, but of course she wasn't there. He'd only done it out of reflex. Instead, Aurora was looking back at him. Then she looked down at his cauldron.

"Woah, you did it!" she whispered, excited. "And Lucy isn't even here to help you."

"Yeah, imagine that…" he said, quietly and then proceeded to add another ingredient to the potion. "I'd like to know if she's alright…"

Aurora stared at him. Gabe usually didn't show too much of himself to anyone except her family. It was strange to see him take an interest in another person. It was strange to see him take an interest in much of anything, really. He was quiet, stone-faced and gentle…

"She's probably fine—" Aurora started to say, but then the classroom door opened and Madam Pomfrey walked in. The class looked up to see who it was, but then most of them went back to their work, uninterested in why she was there. Aurora and a few others, however, were curious and watched her.

Snape looked up from his desk the moment Poppy walked in. He looked surprised to see her. She walked swiftly to his desk and leaned down, whispering into his ear. The moment she began speaking, Snape shook his head and spoke back, putting a hand up. His lips moved, explaining something Aurora couldn't quite make out, but she thought she might've heard the words "not my responsibility". Madam Pomfrey waved a hand and Snape stopped talking. Her lips moved and her face was unyielding. He looked as if he wanted to say something, but he didn't. Perhaps he was offended that she'd interrupted him, but he was quiet as she leaned down once more and whispered something. His face was held there in a state of concentration as he listened. His expression didn't change much, as Poppy's words went through his ear and wrapped around his mind and, before long, she straightened back up and left the room, without so much as a goodbye. The Potion's Professor stared after her for a second, but then he lowered his eyes back to his desk.

Aurora, having watched all of this, felt a bit relieved. If Lucinda was in some kind of serious trouble, then Snape would have announced it to the class… right? Their conversation didn't seem that urgent… right? She looked over at Gabe and he looked back at her with his eyebrows raised. Aurora sighed and leaned back into her seat, moving her gaze back to her teacher. He was already on his feet and halfway to her table. The golden-eyed girl felt her stomach lurch.

"Miss Borealis," he said and stopped in front of her.

Her wide eyes traveled up and rested on his face. Was he annoyed? Was he angry? Was he sleepy? She couldn't tell. He simply looked at her with a universally, straight face. "Yes?" she replied hesitantly.

"Miss Morgan won't be coming back to your dormitory tonight."

Aurora opened her mouth in protest. "Is she alri—"

"I knew it!" someone cried out from the other side of the room, interrupting her. "She's dead, isn't she?!"

Snape whipped his head in the direction of the student's voice so quickly Aurora thought he might have broken his neck. "Mr. Shore," he snapped. "Five points—" he hesitated, having realized that he was about to take points from his own house. Surprisingly, he went ahead with it anyway: "Three points from Slytherin."

The Gryffindors looked around at each other with amazed expressions. Did they hear that right? It was hardly enough to cause an outrage from the students, but it did… to half of them, anyway. Every Slytherin in the room shot up from their seat and started in on the professor. Snape ignored their cries of barbarity and sat back at his desk.

"Shut up!" he yelled at the standing students. "If we lose any more points this year I'll make the rest of it a living hell for you!"

The room went deadly silent. The man was definitely in a worse mood now than when the class first started. No one spoke the rest of the hour and when it was over, Snape called Aurora to his desk as the remainder of them filed out.

The Potions Professor glared after each of them as they walked past him. When they were all gone, he looked up at the girl waiting on the other side of his desk. "Miss Morgan is not dead," he said shortly. "Madam Pomfrey wants to keep her overnight. There's no concussion. She'll be back tomorrow. That's all. Leave now."

"U-uh," Aurora sputtered out. "Okay…" The Gryffindor turned to go, but thought she better say something foolish before she left. You know, in case Snape wasn't mad enough as it was. "Why are you so angry?" she said before she could stop herself and she instantly sucked her breath back in and watched her professor's face go from a moon white to a deep crimson. In that moment, she felt like Lucinda Morgan had taken over her mind and body. Aurora could be snappish and vulgar, sometimes even sweet, but she definitely wasn't one to pry; especially not to a teacher. Yet, here she was. She'd been on his shit list enough and now she was signing up for treasurer.

"What?" he asked, threateningly quiet.

Aurora screamed at her feet to go, but they stuck to the stone floor like a magnet. She also willed her mouth to not say another word, but, alas, what kind of story would this be if they were all perfect students? This one was far from it…

"Shouldn't you be a little happier she didn't die?" the girl continued, voice steady and building in that "snappish" tone she was so fond of. "She isn't in your House, but she's still your student." Aurora's feet suddenly came unstuck and she stumbled to the side, staring at her Potions Professor in horror. He looked back at her, equally horrified, though only a small portion of it showed on his face.

"How dare—"

"Ahhoomygod, I didn't mean it," Aurora took several steps in reverse until her back hit the door. She reached a hand behind her and grasped the handle. "You go ahead and be mad all you want- I don't mind, really- I'm just gonna go- I'm sorry- Please don't take points away from me- pleasepleasepleaseplease—" She trailed off, as she slipped through the door and ran down the hall.

Snape stared at the spot where Miss Borealis had been. He was going to get mad, really mad, but the first signs of guilt began to surface in his heart and it inevitably overcame his feelings of anger. Severus put the tips of his fingers to his temples and closed his eyes. He wasn't angry that she lived. How stupid to think that of him? He didn't wish death on just anyone. That was reserved for the foulest of the human race. No, this anger that seemed to continue resurfacing each time he thought of the girl was something different. He wasn't upset that she would be alright. Moreover, he was upset that it relieved him so…

x-x-x

The first thing she noticed was the smothering heat; it engulfed her with such ferocity that for a moment she didn't breathe. There was this fear that if she opened her mouth and sucked in any air, her lungs wouldn't expand; that they would fill with something so putrid and lethal that suffocating and dying would be the better choice. So, she held her breath. Her lungs cramped up, silently crying out for her to release them and her chest began to tighten.

"Breathe, you stupid girl!"

There was a far off voice. It was angry. Lucinda peered around her, but all she could see was a foggy darkness. Another wave of heat surrounded her and she coughed, causing her to finally take a breath.

"There…" the voice said even softer.

A shape moved in front of her eyes and she winced. What was it? What was there? It was so hot… Lucinda whimpered faintly and put her arms out in front of her, trying to wave the shadow away. "N-No," she managed to say to the emptiness around her.

"Calm down," the voice said firmly and then something cool and soft touched her forehead for a moment.

Lucinda relaxed a little, but the shadows were still surrounding her. They swam back and forth in her vision, grinning at her with big, white teeth and eyeless faces.

"She's perfect," they croaked and Lucinda shied away from them.

"Leave me alone," she mumbled and put her hands out in front of her. The cold thing was against her forehead again.

"Such soft skin…" one of the shadows said, leaning closer to her. "Soft enough to touch…"

"Oh, but I want to taste," another said and she felt it draw near to her ear. A cold, damp mouth pressed against the bottom of her jaw and then trailed down along her neck. Lucinda shuddered out a gasp.

"S-stop—" she cried out and then felt an even colder tongue snake out and run along her throat, collarbone and then make its way down the center of her chest. "Stop!" Lucinda's body shivered and she shot an arm out towards the shadow. Her fist collided with something that felt much like a cheek or a chin, but the physicality of it seemed to wake her up to her surroundings.

"Shit!" the shadow cried out.

Lucinda's eyes flew open. It was very dark. All she could see were small silhouettes of beds and windows and curtains in the Hospital wing. That's right, she had fallen. Or was she struck? She couldn't remember now. Her head swam as she tried to look at the room from side to side and what she saw sitting there beside her bed was none other than…

"Professor Snape?"

The man stayed silent and had one hand covering his eyes.

"Oh my god, did I hit you?! I'm so sorry—!"

He put a hand up to silence her, while his other rubbed the side of his face. She could just barely make out his distinct features in the dim moonlight. She couldn't tell if he was mad, though.

"I-I thought you were someone else!" She blurted, sitting up. Then she realized the mistake in it and held the back of her head in anguish. "Oww…"

"Don't try to move yet, stupid girl," her professor said heatedly.

"There was something here!" she continued erratically, though she did settle back into her pillows. "Things… Things in front of me, talking to me… touch-touching me."

"I'm the only one here," he replied, looking at her quizzically. "It was just me you saw."

"But something cold touched here—" Lucinda placed her fingertips to her throat. Her skin was still damp.

"That was me, as well," Snape dropped his voice down slightly.

Lucinda watched him carefully, as he stood and then proceeded to lean over her bed.

"I-I-It was you?" she stammered, feeling her heart begin to speed up. "So, you said those things to me?" She looked up at her professor like a scared little rabbit caught by a snake. He had moved closer to her. His left hand was pressing deeper into the mattress, supporting his weight, while he continued to lean over her body.

"Said what things?" he asked quietly. His right hand began to draw up toward her face.

"I don't…" she replied weakly, because his face was so close to hers now that she could feel his breath. "I don't… remember…" Then she couldn't think of anything else, because Professor Snape's right hand was quickly moving up to her neck and showed no signs of slowing down.


	9. He's A Smooth Talker

Severus Snape waited in his sleeping quarters. They were conveniently just off the side of his office, tucked beneath a Slytherin drapery that hung on the west wall. He sat on the couch with his legs propped up and a torch light shining over his shoulder. There was a book in his hands and a glass of scotch on the floor beside him. The raven-haired man read through the page he was currently on and then took a sip from the glass. Setting it back down with a clink, he then proceeded to read the page over again… and again.

Perhaps he was just mercilessly trying to get the full effect of… He turned the book over and glanced at the cover: Nautical Natures of the Ninth Kind. Snape gave a sigh and tossed the leather-bound to the floor. What good was reading it when his eyes only saw and his brain didn't render? He picked the glass up and emptied it down his throat.

It's no use… he thought dejectedly, staring at the vacant glass in his hand. The girl kept floating back up into his mind.

Severus stood and stretched, then walked through a small doorway in the darkest corner of the room, where an even smaller bathroom was. He stepped to the sink and rinsed out the whiskey glass, placing it on the shelf to the right once he was done. Then he put both hands on each side of the sink and leaned in toward the mirror, hunching his shoulders. He looked into his own eyes and sighed loudly.

"This just won't do…" he said observably and then whipped around, his black cloak swirling about his feet. "It's decided then. I'll go."

And so he did.

A few short minutes later, although it was very late (nearly two o'clock in the morning, to be exact), the Potions Master had made his way up from the dungeons, through the castle and into the Hospital Wing.

x-x-x

"I don't… remember…" the girl beneath him mumbled out. She was looking at him like he was going to ravage her or something else ridiculously inappropriate.

Snape reached his hand toward Lucinda's neck and then picked up the damp cloth that was there beside her. He pulled back and held it in front of her face.

Lucinda looked down at what he was holding and a somewhat embarrassed expression molded into her face. "Oh…" she said simply.

"What did you think it was?" he barked and then smacked her chin with the cold cloth. "I was trying to lower your fever."

"But what did you say to me—"

"I hardly said anything to you," he sneered, straightening up and absentmindedly rubbing his lower back. "If you heard talking, then it was hallucinated, due to the severity of the fever."

The girl didn't speak at first. Then she sighed and said, "Thank you, Professor."

Ugh.

His heart sickeningly warmed at her words and he sat back into the chair at her bedside. They were silent for several minutes and Snape rubbed his temple with the heel of his hand. It was almost three-thirty in the morning. He really needed to get some sleep and now that her fever was down, he felt comfortable leaving. As he leaned forward to get out of the chair again her voice stopped him.

"Professor Snape?" she inquired quietly.

The man relaxed back into his seat and looked at her. "What is it?"

Lucinda looked down at the blanket over her lap. "You came here tonight for a reason, right?" she asked, glancing over at him through the curly tendrils of her chocolate hair. "You tried to lower my fever…" Snape blew the air out of his nose annoyingly. "So," she continued, "You must not dislike me that much."

The professor stood up from his seat abruptly and tossed the cloth that was still clenched in his hand at the girl. It hit her forehead and then tumbled to her lap. She blinked in shock.

"I don't dislike you," he said a little angrily.

Lucinda looked back at him cautiously, wondering whether or not he was going to blow up on her. Well, he only looked slightly annoyed, so that was a good sign. His nostrils were also not flaring, so that was another good sign. He even seemed to calm himself down as the seconds ticked by in silence. By second number twenty-eight, his face looked to be uncertain about something.

He opened his mouth to speak and then closed it again. His brow furrowed and he rubbed his forehead. A few moments later he had come to a decision. "Part of me even believes you were placed in the wrong House," he mumbled out finally.

Lucinda blinked at him. She didn't know what to say to something like that. Was she supposed to be offended or flattered? Regardless, she had no time to think, because then he spoke again.

"You're my best student," he said, nodding and looking to the floor. He was surprised by it; that much was clear in his voice. He let the end of the sentence trail off in expectance, but had said nothing more. The girl waited for him to finish, but instead he turned around.

"Get some sleep," he said over his shoulder as he walked away. "I can't have you unable to perform at least adequately in class."

"Oh—" the girl started, but he'd already left. "Okay…" Lucinda stared for a moment, wondering if any of that had really just happened. She let his words sink in and rolled them over in her brain. It wasn't a dream. He'd said she was his best student. He couldn't take that back now and she wasn't going to let him. Lucinda turned over, facing away from the Hospital Wing's entrance, and went back to sleep.

x-x-x

Somewhere else in the castle someone was patrolling the halls. He was tall, slender, with sleek black hair, bright eyes and a wide smile. He turned corners sharply with a swish of his robes, stepping on tip-toe as he did. He sauntered past sleeping portraits and held his glowing wand up at them. Some of them woke and cringed away from the bright light.

There was a faint breeze blowing through this corridor and the Slytherin Prefect stopped and put his arms out on either side of him, taking the deepest breath that he could. Ah, it smelled of chalk dust and aging wood.

"Oi, turn it off!" A portrait of an old wizard with a smooth face hissed at him. The wand in his left hand was illuminating the nearest picture frame and the one inside it was glaring back at him sleepily.

"Shut up," the young man said with a swipe of his wand. The tip of it ignited a tiny flame and he held it at the corner of the old wizard's frame. "Or you'll be forced to relocate." The Slytherin flashed the old man a wide grin.

The portrait ogled back at him. "S-stop that!" he blurted. "Stop it—you'll burn me!"

The man with the raven hair let out a sharp bark of laughter and snapped the wand back; the flame disintegrated. "Relax," he said silkily, laughing again. "I'm only joking. Go back to sleep, sir." Then he rapped the painting roughly with the back of his knuckles and continued down the dark corridor. He whistled merrily as he went.

Things in this school were sure getting interesting. Why, just a few minutes ago he'd seen Professor Snape leaving the Hospital Wing. In all honesty, the boy had been eavesdropping just a little. How sweet of his teacher to take such delicate care of the girl's fever. Snape had never taken a liking to a Gryffindor before. This was most peculiar, indeed, but most importantly it was terribly exciting! The young Slytherin nearly skipped with joy.

"Samael!" A thundering voice called behind him.

The boy turned around with a smile (he couldn't help it). "Good evening, Professor Snape," he cooed, swinging his arms as he walked to the man in the shadows. "You're up awfully late."

"I could say the same to you," Snape replied coldly. "Your patrolling duties ended approximately three hours ago."

"What can I say, sir?" Tristin shrugged awkwardly, lips pulling to one side in an equally awkward smirk. "I couldn't sleep knowing there might be students roaming the halls… besides me, of course."

Snape narrowed his eyes at the Slytherin Prefect, "I think it's about time you get back to the dungeons."

Samael bowed his head gently, "As you wish, Professor."

Snape rolled his eyes and stalked past the boy at a swift pace, not bothering to look back.

Tristin Samael turned and watched him go, the toothy smile still capturing his mouth. What a night, O' what a night it had been…

x-x-x

The next day was fairly normal. Lucinda was at breakfast and a lot of her Gryffindor family was surprised by it. They welcomed her with a quick cheer and filled her plate with food. Even X made it a point to walk past their table to pat her silently on the shoulder, before making his way to the Hufflepuff table. His appearance received a scoff from Aurora.

"Try-hard…" she muttered under her breath.

Lucinda was going to shoot her friend a glare, but then her eye caught Snape's at the staff table. His eyes rested long enough on the girl to receive a friendly wave from her. He subtly lifted two fingers away from the goblet he was holding, nodding slightly in her direction. Then he went back to his conversation with the Headmaster on his left.

Lucinda turned back to her friends and began tearing her toast into smaller pieces.

"What's got you smiling?" Aurora watched her with curiosity.

"Professor Snape doesn't hate me," the girl replied, hardly able to contain her joy. "I can actually go to my favorite class without the worry of being scolded or insulted."

"Oh yeah!" Aurora exclaimed suddenly, eyes shifting over to the Slytherin table for a second. "I forgot to tell you what happened…" Then she dropped her voice down and recapped the incident with Snape in Potions class.

"He took points away from his own House?" Lucinda whispered incredulously once she was finished.

Aurora nodded solemnly. "And you can bet Slytherin isn't going to blame anyone except you."

"Well, that was about rude," Gabe said from Lucinda's other side.

"I'm just trying to warn her, Gabriel," Aurora said loudly, leaning in front of the girl.

"You can warn her in a different manner."

"Well, that's just stupid! Lucy knows I'm just trying to help!"

Lucinda inclined away from the two, trying to stay out of it, but in doing so she bumped someone behind her. "I'm sorry—!" she said, turning around.

"That's quite alright, Lucy."

The voice was from a tall Slytherin with hair so black it almost had a blue sheen to it. It was also long, reaching just below his jawline. It was glossy and straight and it was the first thing Lucinda noticed.

Then she recognized his face. "Hey, you're—um…" she said folding her arms in thought, mouth falling open slightly. "…Tristin, right?"

"That's right," he grinned and pulled one of her hands out to shake it.

She shook back and then refolded her arms. "I remember now," she said, smiling warmly. "You were helping me to the Hospital Wing—Oh, but you had to do something."

"Ah, yes," he nodded, looking particularly thoughtful. "The Peeves issue…"

"'Peeves'?" Lucinda stared at him.

"He's the poltergeist—"

"Move it or lose it!" Clover was suddenly standing there and he'd shoved Tristin to the side a good two feet.

The Slytherin Prefect stayed on balance pretty well, sticking out his arms on either side for just a moment. Then he straightened back up again. "I see you're lively as ever, Borealis," he said stiffly, smoothing out his robes.

"Oh, come on, Samael," Clover laughed and slung an arm over his shoulder. "You know I'm just messing with you." Tristin smiled and smacked the silver-haired boy in the stomach.

Lucinda looked just in time to see Gabriel slowly rising to his feet and reaching for his wand. He had a look on his face that she'd never seen before. There was a fire concealed behind his eyes.

"Tristin, you better get outta here," Aurora suddenly spoke up. "The Slytherin table is staring daggers at us."

They all looked. She was right, nearly every Slytherin was glaring hatefully in their direction. Snape had also been staring, though he did so out of the corner of his eye and no one had noticed.

"I guess I better go, then," Tristin said with a sigh. "It seems the children need some consoling."

Lucinda laughed at his comment and they all said their goodbyes to him (though Gabe simply sat back down and continued eating quietly).

Aurora glanced over her shoulder once more before turning back to her own plate. "That's about the only Slytherin you'll ever meet who's not a complete jerk," she said through a bite of blueberry muffin. "The Sorting Hat must've gone haywire."

Lucinda smiled. It was an honest surprise to find out he was in Slytherin. She hoped to become friends with him. It was good to form allies with all of the Houses; Slytherin, especially. Though, it was going to be more difficult now if what Aurora was saying was true. Granting it hadn't been her fault, if Snape was favoring her because of her ability to perform well in his class, it definitely could end up pushing her a few steps back on the social ladder. If this was a normal circumstance she wouldn't have cared as much. Being as it was, this was her first, last and only year at Hogwarts. She didn't want anything to spoil it…

x-x-x

The next few days were rougher than Lucinda had expected. Potions class with Slytherin wasn't bad, because Professor Snape was there to watch them, but the hallways were always packed with ready mobs, waiting to trip her or knock her down a flight of steps. Free time out on the school grounds also had to be enjoyed with a constant reminder to look over her shoulder. The harassment really only lasted about a couple of weeks, though. Between Snape keeping an irate and watchful eye on his House and Tristin conveniently patrolling the halls where she usually walked, Lucinda was eventually left mostly alone by the Slytherin House. Plus, Halloween was coming up and everyone was anticipating it excitedly. Bullying was the last thing on their minds.

"They're having an All Hallows Eve Ball this year," Lucinda's new friendly acquaintance Tristin was telling her. They were standing just outside of the Great Hall. The girl stood with her hands in her robes' pockets and the boy faced away from her, pinning something to a board in the Entrance Hall.

"Really?" Lucinda asked, her eyes glossing over at the thought. "Do they usually have things like that?"

"Actually, no," the prefect replied, smoothing out the paper he'd finished attaching to the board. "This year they're really going to extremes with the fun."

"Marvelous…" she said breathlessly, staring off into some unknown world.

Tristin studied the paper to make sure it was straight and then smirked at her. "All little girls dream of going to the ball, don't they?" He teased.

Lucinda shifted her eyes to him. "Oh yes," she said, nodding seriously. Then she thought about it and added, "Except maybe Aurora… I can't imagine her getting doe-eyed over something like that."

Tristin laughed. "Agreed," he said.

"What's that?" she suddenly pointed at the flyer he'd pinned up.

"Hogsmeade weekend dates."

The chocolate eyes of the Gryffindor lit up even more. "Ohh," she cooed, clasping her hands together just under her chin. "Hogsmeade… This will be my very first time going there…" Her eyes found the unknown world again and her face went still as she imagined it.

Samael grinned wider, now displaying all of his white teeth. "Shall I show you around during the first weekend?" he asked, his voice running through her ears like a river of honey.

Lucinda looked up at the prefect, though her eyes didn't quite focus on him completely. "That would be acceptable," she replied a little dizzily. Then she shook her head and her eyes were bright again and full of attention. "So, you want to hang out with the rest of us then?" she continued. "I mean, I assumed I'd be going with Aurora and Clover and Gabe."

His face fell. Only a fraction, but she caught it.

"Um, well," he said, hesitantly. "I would love to… But Gabriel doesn't really…"

"He doesn't like you?" Lucinda offered.

"Harsh, Morgan—but pretty much," Tristin laughed, turning back to the stack of flyers he had sitting beside him on the floor. "I'm sorry if that makes you not want to be friends with me—"

"No!" Lucinda shouted, a little louder and more forcefully than she'd meant to. "I-I mean, no, it doesn't. I'd love to be friends with you, Tristin."

The young man turned back around with a warm smile. "I'm glad," he said softly.

Lucinda smiled back. What a year this was already and it had barely begun. She was making friends a lot better than expected. It made her heart swell and ache in a pleasant way.

"So," Lucinda said, keeping the smile on her face. "Now that we're friends… May I ask why Gabe doesn't like you?"

Tristin was about to answer her, but the next second his eyes went wide and her whole body was jerked backwards. She only went about a foot and then slammed into something behind her.

"Jeeze!" she cried out and turned her head to see what had caused the sudden lurch. She looked up into the face of her Potions Professor. It took her a minute to realize what had happened. Snape had a handful of the back of her robes in his fist and he'd jerked her back. For what reason, she didn't know. "What was that for?!" she fumed, but he wasn't looking at her. He was looking at the Slytherin Prefect across from her.

"You're late for my class, stupid girl!" he yelled, eyes locking with hers for a moment, before they rose back up to meet the boy's. "And I see you're simply standing here having a pleasant little chat!"

The color flooded from the girl's face. "Oh no…" Lucinda's eyes turned from shock to sudden devastation. "I'm late? Oh no…"

"I'm sorry, Professor," Tristin piped up. "It was my fault. I kept her."

"Of course it was your fault," their teacher replied, looking the boy up and down in disgust.

"I-I'm late?" Lucinda continued to stare up at him in horror. "Am I really late?"

"I'll see you in detention," Snape glared at Samael and then lightly pushed the girl in the direction of the dungeons, leaning down to her ear as they went. "Yes, you're late," he said quietly, holding onto her shoulders. "Don't let it happen again." Then they were out of sight and descending down under the castle.

Samael watched them disappear. "As you wish, Professor…" he whispered with a smirk.

x-x-x

"Why do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Get so angry at him," she stomped her foot in frustration. "He's in your House, Professor Snape. He's a prefect. You act like he's… like he's…"

"The scum of the earth?" Snape asked, politely.

"Sort of…" Lucinda trailed off, walking to the back of the classroom. "Did he do something to you?"

Class was over and she had stayed behind to help her professor clean up, plus she felt bad for being late in the first place and making him leave his lesson to come find her. It was very nice of him to do that and everyone would agree that Professor Snape was not the nicest person.

While she put leftover ingredients back in their bottles and into their rightful slot in the cabinet, Snape wiped the board clean and started writing up the next day's lesson.

"I have my reasons," he replied shortly, his back to the girl. He erased a word with the heel of his hand, thinking a moment, and then rewrote it. Maybe he shouldn't use such big words with his simple-minded students. They could hurt themselves… He glanced over his shoulder at the student that he knew was not simple-minded. She stood with her arms folded, leaning her back against the cabinet, eyes locked on him.

"What's that look for, Gryffindor girl?" he drawled, turning back to the board again. "Have a soft spot for the Slytherin boy?"

He heard her puff out a loud breath at his question. "I have a soft spot for a lot of people," she replied matter-of-factly. "Tristin isn't the only Slytherin I care for."

Severus stopped writing. He looked off to his left, toward his desk; the glass of water on it was still and ripple-free. He waited for her to go on, but she didn't. After a moment, he heard her walk away from the cabinet; then he looked back at the board again and continued writing silently.

Lucinda checked to make sure she hadn't missed any of the ingredients and, once she was sure they were all put away, started to pack up her things.

"Finished?" he asked, hearing her bag rustling.

Lucinda looked up at him. He still had his back to her. "Mhm," she mumbled, as she slipped her Potions book into the bag. All ready now, she slung the strap over her shoulder and straightened her skirt and robes. "Thanks for not taking points away from me for being late," she said sincerely.

"Mm," he said, still not looking at her, though his hand stopped writing.

"Well," she said, walking to the door. "See you at dinner." Then she left.

Snape paused long enough to listen to her walk up the winding stone steps that lead up and out of the dungeons, before he moved his hand. He finished writing the lesson and then he, too, left the classroom. It was a long walk up to the Great Hall as he thought of the things she'd said…


	10. Hogsmeade Day 1

The first Hogsmeade weekend was at the beginning of October. It was lovely, because the leaves had started to change to such vibrant reds and oranges that they made you gasp when you saw them. The day was crisp, slightly breezy and overcast. Lucinda and Aurora were in the Gryffindor common room, waiting on the boys to finish getting their scarves and jackets. There was a hum of chatter and clambering about, as students excitedly gathered their things and jangled their money. It was going to be a wonderful day… Lucinda could just feel it.

"Look at those pumpkins, Rorie!" Lucinda cried, staring out the window at a little hut by the edge of the Forbidden Forest.

Aurora looked over the girl's shoulder. "Oh they'll get much bigger than that," she said waving her hand. "Hagrid always grows the biggest pumpkins. He'll put some of them in the castle for Halloween."

"Hagrid…" Lucinda replied, watching as a large man with a bushy beard and hair came out of the little house. "He's the… gamekeeper?"

"Yep," her friend said, rubbing a smudge off the window glass. "Man, what is taking them so long? All they need is their coats."

Five minutes later, the two boys were finally downstairs. Upon Aurora asking what the delay was, Clover made a disgruntled face.

"I wanted our scarves to match," he pouted, crossing his arms. "Gabby insisted on wearing his Gryffindor one."

Lucinda looked at Gabe, who had a bright, red, checked scarf tied neatly at his neck. It matched exactly with the one Clover had loosely wrapped around his shoulders. The tall blonde must have followed her gaze, because then he smiled with his chin high in the air.

"But, then he finally gave in," Clover said brightly. Then he grabbed Gabriel's hand and bounded out of the room. "Let's go!"

"Stop acting like a child!" Aurora called, running after the two of them.

Lucinda made sure she had some coins in her pocket and then she, too, started to head out the portrait hole, but someone was climbing back through.

"Oh!" Lucinda exclaimed, taking a couple steps back.

It was a girl with black hair that waved all the way down past her shoulders in little ringlets. She looked barely old enough to even go to Hogwarts, as her head only reached Lucinda's chest. Her skin was so milky white it almost glowed in a pearlescent sort of way.

"I'm sorry," Lucinda said, immediately softening her voice at the sight of the child.

The little girl's blue, doll eyes looked up at her, shining with tears. "Where's my sister?"

Lucind looked behind her at the common room. There were still some students standing around, gathering jackets and things, filling pockets with coins, chatting with each other.

"Um…" Lucinda turned back to the girl. "What's your sister look like?"

"Like me!" she nearly sobbed.

"Um," Lucinda said again, feeling a little panicked. That's when she noticed that the girl's robes had the Ravenclaw crest on it. For a moment she wondered how the girl even knew the password to get into the Gryffindor tower or where it was, but then someone behind her spoke.

"Pan, stop it."

Lucinda turned around. A young woman stood there, pale skin, blue eyes and black hair, just like the little girl's, but this one's was straight, rather than curly.

"Nica!" the little girl pushed past Lucinda and glommed onto her sister's waist.

Lucinda stood there a moment watching them, trying to remember why she had the sudden sensation of having been in this moment before.

"You're not old enough to go, yet," the one called Nica bent down and spoke to her sister. The one called Pan cried harder.

Lucinda left, trying to shake away the strange feeling she had.

By the time she made it down to the entrance hall, the two girls were pushed from her mind. Tristin was waiting for her at the bottom of the stairs and he wore a peculiar expression on his face. He was smiling, but something wasn't completely genuine about it.

"Is something wrong—?"

"I won't be joining you in Hogsmeade today," he said abruptly and he wasn't able to conceal all of the agitation in his voice.

Lucinda was silent for an instant while she gathered her thoughts. "But why?" she asked, walking the final steps to stand directly in front of him. "Is it because of Gabe—?"

"I have my detention with Professor Snape to serve."

Lucinda was stunned into silence once more. "What?" she said after finding her voice. "I thought you served it ages ago."

Tristin shook his head. "He chose it for today," he replied, holding his hands up helplessly.

"Well that's—that's just mean!" the girl replied, exasperated. "He did that on purpose!"

The boy shrugged. "It's alright. Really—" he added quickly "—I can still go tomorrow."

"Well…" Lucinda said slowly, thinking. "Maybe this will work out. Today I can hang out with the others and tomorrow you and I can go together." She smiled uncertainly. "Then you don't have to feel awkward with Gabriel there."

Tristin actually laughed and it made Lucinda smile more confidently.

"Alright, it's a deal," he said and patted her shoulder, letting his hand linger there. "But, for the record, it wouldn't have been awkward… just inconvenient." He gave her arm a light squeeze and then turned away. "Have a nice time today, Lucy," he called over his shoulder and then he left the hall.

Lucinda sighed and held her face in a frown for a moment, staring at the spot where Tristin had just been. Before she could feel too bad, Aurora burst through the entrance doors.

"For the love of Hogsmeade itself, let's go!" she cried.

Clover could be seen bouncing up and down behind her, trying to see. "Lucy!" he called. "Gabby said he's not going with me to get ice cream! Tell him he has to!"

Gabe was even further behind them, standing with his hands in his pockets, staring off toward the Black Lake.

Lucinda smiled and left to join her friends.

"Hogsmeade, here we come!"

X-x-x

There was too much to see in just one day. That was why Lucinda was grateful for the whole weekend at Hogsmeade. They'd visited all of the busiest areas, like Zonko's Joke Shop, Honeydukes and The Three Broomsticks. Clover insisted they get ice cream, even though it was October ("Frozen treats are good any time of year!" he yelled to the sky in excitement), so here they were, licking at their ice cream cones and watching the younger students chase each other around a grove of maple trees. The wind blew the fallen red leaves around them in swirls and more came loose from the branches, adding to the magical sight. Lucinda couldn't help but open her mouth with a wide, amazed smile. Beautiful… she thought to herself as she finished the last of her treat. The smell of leaf mold was thick in the air and it was wonderful.

"Rorie, let's dance!" Clover suddenly hopped off the wooden fence they were all perched upon and put his arms up.

Aurora looked back at him in bewilderment. "Hell no," she said simply and continued to eat her ice cream.

Clover pouted. "But leaves are falling…" he hopped from foot to foot, impatiently. "I want to da-a-a-nce…"

"Clover Borealis, I am not going to dance with you!" his sister shouted through a large mouthful of waffle cone. "You wanted to eat ice cream and I'm still trying to do just—WAGH!"

Clover had yanked Aurora's empty hand up with his own ice-cream-free one and forced her into a waltzing position. "Hmph!" he puffed out his chest, letting a blob of frozen dessert drip onto the top of Aurora's shoulder.

"Ahh! What are you doing?!" she cried, trying to struggle away from him.

"And now, my most precious sister—" Clover cried out like a ringmaster in a circus. "We shall DANCE!" He began to prance around the clearing in the red maple trees, dragging her along like a lifeless doll. Both their ice creams tried futilely to hang on for dear life, but the dairy desserts went skyward as they spun in circles.

"Freaking—gargoyles—Merlin's—beard—!" Aurora sputtered out nonsense in her desperation, while her brother twirled her round and round. "Someone—help—me—!"

Lucinda was on her knees at this point, laughing so hard that she'd fallen off of the fence. Aurora gave in before long and her body became more like a ballerina and less like a puppet. She laughed and kicked her long legs out; her hair whipped around the fall air in a whirl of white and silver and Clover's mohawk bounced comically; the remainder of the ice cream cones lay lifeless on the ground.

The few younger kids that had been running around stopped and watched the dancing scene. After a moment, some of them began to dance around wildly, as well. They spun in circles or skipped; some grabbed handfuls of fallen leaves and threw them into the air. Lucinda sighed happily from her spot in the dirt and leaned back against one of the fence posts.

"She only acts like she's annoyed, you know…" Gabriel said to her left all of the sudden.

Lucinda looked up at him. He was looking right back at her with a rare, but soft smile. She grinned and turned her gaze back to the Dancing Borealis Twins. "I think I've started to figure that out now," she nodded, folding her hands in her lap. The two watched in silence for the next fifteen minutes, as Clover and Aurora danced themselves into a state of exhaustion. Lucinda had debated on whether or not to ask about Tristin, since no one was close enough to them now to hear. It was driving her just a bit mad, wondering what terrible thing could have happened to make Gabe act the way he did at breakfast a few weeks ago. However, the moment came and went and Lucinda lost her courage to ask. It was probably for the best, anyway…

By the time everyone walked back to the castle, a pleasant smell was wafting out of the open front doors. They'd arrived just in time for supper. Lucinda was in such a good mood, that she'd forgotten everything with Tristin and the detention. It wasn't until she walked into the Great Hall and caught sight of Professor Snape that she suddenly remembered what he did. Clover and Gabe were first, walking in line to their table, Lucinda was next and Aurora trailed behind her. Clover sat, Gabe sat and Lucinda's line of vision was opened up to the front of the Hall. She saw him sitting up there, eyes finding hers. He even looked as if he might wave at her. How could he be in such a good mood? He really took pleasure in making other's lives a living hell, especially to those of them who didn't deserve it. She hardened her stare at him and let the anger spill out of her eyes.

"You okay?" Aurora asked from her right side as she sat down.

"Snape will never change." She replied sourly, pouring herself a glass of milk. "He will always be a jerk."

"Lately you guys have been getting along really well," her friend searched her face and then glanced at the staff table. "He even awarded you points at our last lesson for that random fact about Mermaid scales."

"So what if he's nice to me?" Lucinda whispered at her. "He's still mean to other people!"

Aurora raised her eyebrows. "Believe it or not, but he was a lot meaner before."

Lucinda opened her mouth and stared off at the wall ahead of them. "He just—I can't—!" She let out a sound of frustration and bumped her fists down on the table top, rattling her plate.

Aurora was about to say something, but then Professor Dumbledore had stood. He spoke to all of them about the upcoming All Hallows Eve Ball and the speech received a pleasant applause from most of the hall (some of the boys looking around nervously). It was a good thing, too, because Lucinda was put back into a fantastic mood, eyes glittering over at the thought of it. She turned and looked at Aurora, her mouth smiling so wide it could have split her face in half.

"We get to wear gowns!" Lucinda bounced in her seat. "We get to dance!"

As she expected, Aurora had a less-than-enthusiastic reaction to this news. "Ugh, why does it have to be a dress…" she stared longingly into space, chin in her hand. "Though, I do love to dance…"

Lucinda continued to smile and chat merrily with everyone else for the rest of dinner. When it was over she practically skipped out of the Great Hall. Catching sight of the red hair of a certain Hufflepuff, she smacked him on the back as she ran past.

"Hey!" he called after her. "What's that for?"

"I'm excited!" she said over her shoulder. "We get to go to a ball!"

Xavier shook his head and watched the girl sway with herself into the entrance hall and up the marble stairs. The crazy girl was this excited for a dance? He watched Aurora join her friend and then hand-in-hand they both spun in circles, almost toppling over several of the others students trying to ascend the stairs; Beatrice Aberdeen was one of them.

"Oh my gosh—Sorry!" Lucinda pulled the sandy-haired girl to her feet. "I'm usually very good at dancing!" Several students laughed.

Beatrice thankfully laughed, as well. "It's okay—it was probably my fault," she mumbled and continued up the stairs with the others. "I'm always dropping things and tripping…"

Michael watched them leave the entrance hall and after a moment he thought of something. It was a something that might bring his ego down a bit, but if the results were what he hoped they'd be, it would be well worth it… After another pause, he ran up the stairs after the Morgan girl.

X-x-x

There was an unpleasant feeling spreading through his stomach. It was like a dark ball of tar was sitting inside him, settling and sinking into the acids. Then it began to dissolve and spread into his bloodstream, making the rest of his body feel sick and heavy. Such a stupid girl couldn't possibly have an effect like that on him… But she wasn't stupid. She was brilliant and kind and clumsy at times… and his stomach turned at the sight of her face. Not because seeing her made him sick, but because the look she shot him from all the way across the room made him pause and stare in confusion.

It was the dinner hour. Snape was at the staff table. Lucinda had just walked in with her little group of friends and, like usual, she found his face among the other teachers. He watched for her cheerful smile and wave, but it didn't come. Instead, she'd turned darkened eyes on him and a glare flew through the air and smacked him between the brows. Now what the hell was that look for? He thought to himself, as she sat down. She hadn't glared at him like that since her first week there. She also didn't look at him again for the rest of the meal. Only once did her eyes wander back up to the table he was at, but only because Albus had begun to speak.

When dinner was over, Lucinda had left before he could get down to her table. He watched her rush off, curls bouncing, clapping the Michael boy on the back as she ran past him. Well, her mood toward everyone else was obviously not tainted. So, what was the problem? Did he not favor her in his class? Even his pride didn't stop him from giving pathetic Gryffindor more points for her intelligence. That should count for something. She should appreciate his rare acts of kindness towards her.

It was a while before he came to a decision, but eventually his pride took another blunder and he went searching for her. It wasn't until about seven o'clock that Snape found her outside in the courtyard, standing with that same red-head from before.

X-x-x

"I feel so stupid…"

"You asked me and now you're going to deal with it, Xavier!" Lucinda had her arm wrapped around the boy's shoulders and the other was stretched out to her side, awkwardly. "Now take my hand."

X reluctantly did as she said. He was just an inch taller than her, standing at an impressive five feet, four inches. The boy grimaced and they began to move.

The courtyard was empty. Before long, the sun would be setting and they too would have to go back inside to join their respective houses in their common rooms, but before that, they had work to do. He couldn't believe he'd actually asked her for this. It was humiliating. Especially since anyone could come out there and see them.

"No, put your foot there," she said calmly, watching their feet.

Lucinda was happily teaching him to dance. She had a feeling why he was so concerned with it, but she didn't push the issue or ask questions. When he caught her on the second landing of the stairs, he'd asked her to help him with something and she'd followed without another word. Xavier was another person that she'd like to be friends with. He had taken her to the hospital wing when she'd fallen unconscious and if he needed a favor, she was going to help him in any way that she could.

"I will never learn this," he mumbled, staring at their feet going in completely opposite directions.

"It's only the first lesson, dummy," she replied, watching him chew at his lips.

The boy's face went a little pink and he looked up at her through his orange bangs. "You're going to continue teaching me after this?" he asked, stopping them both.

Lucinda dropped her hands back to her sides. "Well, yeah," she said, tightening the scarf that was around her neck. "You can't learn everything in one lesson. We'll meet here at the same time a few nights a week."

A chilling wind blew down from the castle and swirled a few loose leaves around them. "Thanks…" was all X said and then zipped his jacket up closer to his chin.

The courtyard was growing dimmer as the light faded from the sky and they could see lanterns flickering on through the windows of the castle. It was obviously time to retire to their dormitories. When they both turned to go, something made them stop. It was a dark-haired, pasty-skinned, glaring-something with a black cloak.

"Miss Morgan," it said, its voice quiet and steady. "Follow me, please."

Maybe it was seeing the breeze ruffling those dark locks of his or the yellow sky silhouetted behind him, but her previous anger toward her professor faltered for just a moment. He looked very different in the light of dusk. Lucinda didn't stare long. He'd just told her to follow him and inevitably her irritation bubbled back up again.

Lucinda looked from Professor Snape to Xavier. "We'll continue this another time, X." She said kindly to the boy and then turned her glaring eyes on the other man. "I haven't done anything wrong, you know," she snapped, but walked to him just the same.

Snape said nothing, turned around and walked away, Lucinda following behind.

X-x-x

"You're not even my Head of House!"

Severus watched the girl huff and puff around his office. It was only the second time she'd ever been down there. If she hadn't been in such a vile mood, she probably would have wandered the walls and asked him endless questions about the things that lined them. As it was, the girl stood at the door, tapping her foot every now and then, obviously wanting to leave.

"What does that have to do with anything?" he asked calmly.

"You can't just drag me away any time you please!" she said, looking away from him at the wall. "I'm in Gryffindor and nothing will change that!"

He had been angry when he first saw her with Michael. It was probably just pent up rage from being scowled at by one of the few students he was actually nice to, but he was angry at her, nonetheless. What gave her the right to act in such a way and then frolic in the courtyard with the damned Hufflepuff boy, like all her cares in the world were out the window and scattered to the October winds?

"Mm," Snape said in acknowledgement and then leaned his bottom against the front of his desk, arms and ankles crossed, staring at her.

However, by the time they arrived at his office, he was no longer angry. He was amused, possibly even gloatingly pleased that she'd followed without one word of resistance. If he wasn't careful, he'd be on a power trip.

"I have done nothing wrong to warrant your request of me here," she said in finality. "Say what you want, but if you think I'm being unreasonable—"

"If you're finished…" he said loudly, cutting her off, "…why you are so angry with me?"

Lucinda had her mouth open to argue, but at this last part she snapped her lips shut. She was still looking off to the side of the room, but now she lowered her eyes to the floor. The serpent on the green rug looked back up at her, accusing. When she finally raised her face up to look at him, she couldn't read his expression. It was calm, blank and not at all angry. It made her suspicious. "Why did you make Tristin serve his detention today?" she asked. Lucinda thought it would come out vile, but it didn't. Instead, she sounded hurt. This was probably why she got the reaction that she did, though the knowledge of why was beyond her.

The amount of change that took place in his eyes was extraordinary. They shifted several times from annoyance, lenience, exasperation, anger and back to annoyance. Finally he said irritably, "Is that all it is?"

"He could have served his detention long before now," Lucinda suddenly fumed. "What was the point in making him do it today?"

Snape pushed off from his desk and walked several steps towards her. "You're awfully concerned with it, Gryffindor Girl," he replied a little crosser than he'd meant. "If you had a minute date planned, that's not my problem."

The girl instantly went red in the face. "Th-this has nothing to do with me!" she shook her head, walking to the other side of the room. "It isn't fair that you made him stay behind!"

The Potions master watched her pace past him and then back up to the door again. So then why are you so flustered? He thought, irritably. She could be so oblivious sometimes… "Alright, fine," he said suddenly and the girl stopped and turned around to look at him. "I admit it," he sneered. "I made him serve it today."

Lucinda opened her mouth to reply but he apparently wasn't finished.

"And if I hadn't, then he would never have learned his lesson," he continued, voice growing louder. "True, he could have served it any other day, but taking away his first visit to Hogsmeade this year was a good way of getting through to him. I don't care if you like my methods. That's the wonderful thing about this situation, Lucinda—I don't give a damn what you 'approve' of, because I am the teacher and you are the student."

"But what lesson?!" She blurted, unable to stay quiet long. "Why did he need to learn it in the first place? He did nothing wrong—"

During these few sentences, Snape had walked the last several steps to the girl. "You were late for my class!" he hissed and grabbed a handful of her jacket (she recoiled away from him). "You've never been late to my class and that perfect attendance—save for the one day you were unconscious—is now tainted due to the carelessness of that idiot prefect!"

"I'm sorry," Lucinda covered her face with her hands to block some of his fury (she still felt bad about the incident). "I'm sorry, but it really wasn't his fault—"

"There is a reason he is a prefect, Miss Morgan," he shook her slightly, voice growing louder still. "I am his Head of House. He knew better than to lose track of time or whatever ludicrous excuse he had. The way Tristin Samael works is like a child! He does as he pleases—making others believe that it was simply an accident! The only way he learns his lesson is with depriving him of what he wants most and that was going with you to Hogsmeade today!"

Lucinda took her hands away from her face. "I highly doubt that's what he wanted most—"

"Stop being naïve!" he yelled.

Lucinda's eyes went wide and she jerked her shoulder out of his grasp. "I am naïve!" she yelled back. "And I am leaving now!"

She turned to go, but the door suddenly went click, as it locked. She whipped her head around and saw her professor with his wand raised. "You're not leaving yet," he said threateningly.

"Are you crazy?" she jeered and turned back toward the door, taking her wand out. "Yes, I am—"

Snape put a hand on the door and looked down at her. "Stop being angry with me," he said, voice softening suddenly.

Lucinda looked up at him and for the first time since they'd met he didn't hold even the slightest bit of sarcasm or resentment in his eyes. He wasn't looking at her sadly or hopefully or angrily. His eyebrows were raised slightly in expectance and he seemed so genuine that the girl couldn't help but relax her face and remove her scowl. "Why do you care if I'm angry?"

"I don't…" he said, hesitantly, though his face became a little more thoughtful, "…at least, not lingeringly angry."

She watched his eyes. They watched her, too. He didn't even blink, so she couldn't look away. Then a horrible feeling started to trickle up her spine. Lucinda shuddered and then shook her head. "Okay," she said finally and then pointed her wand at the door, unlocking it. "I'm not angry with you. Goodnight."

Severus lifted his hand from the door, allowing her to open it. "Good," he said curtly and then all of the previous sarcasm and disconnection was back in his demeanor. "Have a nice time in Hogsmeade tomorrow."

"Mm," she replied and left his office quickly. It was hard to concentrate on the walk back to Gryffindor tower, as her head was floating with thoughts of her professor. The shudder in her spine happened three more times as she went. It was normal for students to sometimes develop a feeling like this for their teachers… but this didn't feel like something miniscule or juvenile. It was different. It was swelling inside her and it was painful.

Lucinda clutched at her chest, as she climbed through the portrait hole, leading to the Gryffindor common room. It was deserted, except for a lump on one of the couches. Lucinda walked over and saw that it was Beatrice Aberdeen (the one she'd knocked over earlier and who also ruined the table in the Potions classroom). She pulled her jacket off and laid it over the lumpy girl's shoulders. Then she went up to her dormitory and went to sleep, though she did so difficultly.


	11. Hogsmeade Day 2

"Mornin' sunshine…"

Lucinda looked up from the porridge under her nose, which had been sinking lower and lower to the table as her eyelids drooped with lingering sleep. "Good morning, Aurora," she mumbled, straightening back up and rubbing her face.

The Borealis girl grabbed a sausage off the platter in the center of the table and took a bite. She chewed slowly while she stared at the girl next to her. "So, you had another late night, I see…"

Lucinda paused and then nodded, staring down at the bowl beneath her. She really didn't feel like eating yet. "I was hanging out with X," she said honestly.

Aurora sniffed, but didn't make a retort. "Oh," she said, taking a sip from her freshly poured glass of juice.

"Then Professor Snape made me follow him to his office to interrogate me."

Clover let out a cry of disgust as orange juice was sprayed into his face. He stared down at his striped sweater sadly. "Rorieee…" he whined, goggling at his sister across the table. Next to him, Gabe was almost smirking as he took a napkin to the boy's face, wiping off the sticky mess.

"What for?" Aurora turned to Lucinda with her voice lowered; completely ignoring the fact that she'd just spewed juice on her brother.

Lucinda tried not to laugh, but she couldn't help a smile from the look on Clover's glistening face. Then she looked at the girl next to her. "Okay, he didn't exactly interrogate me," she admitted.

Aurora waited for her to continue, but Lucinda turned and glanced up at the staff table. He was there and he had most definitely been staring at her. Upon her eyes meeting his, she raised a hand and sent a minor wave his way. He bowed his head slightly back to her. Lucinda's lips parted in a small smile as he continued conversing with Hagrid on his right. Everything was normal again. True, she didn't get much sleep. It took hours for her mind to quiet and her heart to slow its pace long enough to drift off… But upon waking, she felt much better. Tired and sleep-deprived, but better. The night before had been strange. She remembered the twisting in her stomach and the fluttering of the butterflies in her heart, but those had all quieted now. The feelings were still there somewhere, and were probably going to surface again, but for now they were buried and she felt normal.

"He noticed that I was mad at him," Lucinda continued, her eyes staying on the black-haired man a moment longer before she turned to her porridge and swallowed a spoonful. "I think it bothered him, so he made me stay there until I said I wasn't mad anymore. It was sort of ridiculous, actually…"

Aurora snorted. "It's not unusual for you to get mad at him," she replied and then mouthed a quick "I'm sorry" to Clover, who was still pouting about the juice on his sweater. "What made you mad?"

Lucinda's eyes flashed over to Gabe, but he was preoccupied with the toast on his plate. "He was mean to one of my friends," she said simply. "He made him stay behind yesterday and miss out on Hogsmeade."

Aurora looked wildly at the staff table. "Man that sucks…" she said quietly, watching their Potions teacher talking almost happily with Professor McGonagall. "He seems to be in a good mood, though."

"Of course he is," said a voice behind them.

The two girls turned around and met Tristin's smiling face. Lucinda's stomach did a tiny flip at seeing his dark eyes glinting at her. "It's a beautiful day, there are no classes to worry about," he continued, raising his hands palm up and glancing up and down the hall. "And he has a clear view of his favorite student." He placed a hand on her shoulder. "Why wouldn't he be in a good mood?"

Lucinda's face went pink.

"You get to come to Hogsmeade today, right?" she asked, feeling her shoulder getting hot under his palm.

"Only if your offer still stands," he raised one glossy, black eyebrow.

Clover shielded himself with an empty plate as Aurora sent another mouthful of juice his way.

"W-what?" she sputtered, looking between Lucinda and the Slytherin boy. "What offer?"

Lucinda laughed and Tristin gripped her shoulder gently, flashing his pearly whites.

"Lucy asked that I accompany her to Hogsmeade today," he replied happily. "That is—" he looked around at the table. "—if it's alright with her other friends?"

Aurora shrugged and, although Lucinda was worried what kind of reaction he would have, Gabriel shrugged, as well.

"Just as long as we can walk with her there," Aurora said, absentmindedly pushing her cup away, so as not to be inclined to take a sip at the wrong moment again. "I have something I want to talk to her about."

Lucinda's head snapped in her friend's direction at those words. The curling smirk on the silver-haired girl's perfect lips was barely visible, but Lucinda caught it.

Tristin's eyes closed at the slight bow of his head and then he said, "Perfectly fine, Miss Borealis—" then turned to Lucinda, "—and I'll meet you outside of Honeydukes at eleven o'clock, Miss Morgan."

At this point the skin on her shoulder under the boy's palm felt like it was on fire. Maybe it was just her anxiety about the night before and Snape's threatening voice and talk of Tristin's behaviors, but sitting there with the Slytherin's hand on her shoulder felt like she were doing something wrong. She shouldn't feel that way, but her professor's words were still fresh in her mind. He really got mad easily when it came to Tristin… Lucinda shifted uncomfortably and the boy dropped his hand back to his side.

Yards away, Severus's grip on his goblet loosened as he watched the boy walk back to his table. There was a pit of coals smoldering low in his stomach and lately they'd been getting fanned every time he saw the insolent fool talking to her. What possessed him to even give a shit, he didn't know, but this was becoming a regular occurrence… and it needed to stop. It was possible he merely had a fatherly, protective yearning for the girl, but in case it was more… he needed to just stop.

x-x-x

It turned out that what Aurora wanted to talk about was Adam Bailey (the tall, dark and handsome Ravenclaw boy she was crushing on so hard). Once there was word of a dance happening, although the Borealis girl didn't much care for dresses you couldn't move freely in and shoes you couldn't walk in, the thought of having a close and personal moment with Adam was enough to convince her of going… Plus, she did so love to dance.

The girls discussed songs and boys and whether or not the teachers might get hammered and make-out with one another (they laughed loudly at that last one). It could end up being a really good night, especially if Lucinda managed to find a date by the time the day of the Ball arrived… And it would be interesting to see the staff in dress robes and gowns. Then there was another thought: what would professor Snape be wearing—just his usual black? Maybe he would simply wear what he always did to teach in everyday? Or maybe he just wouldn't go to it, at all… He didn't seem the type to dance or even be seen at a Ball…

Eventually, she pushed the thoughts from her mind and focused on the day ahead. Tomorrow, lessons were starting back up and it was her last day to have fun. Although, she always had fun in all of her classes, regardless… By the time they reached Hogsmeade that day, it was only about 10:30 am, so Lucinda bid her friends farewell and decided to stop somewhere else before heading over to meet up with Tristin. There was something she needed to confirm…

She'd seen the shop yesterday and it made her do a double take. It was an apothecary, with a little wooden sign on the door that said "Jasper's". Under the name was a painted picture of a sprig of lavender, a dark blob that looked much like a bezoar and bottle of something red. People seemed to walk right by it without a second glance. True, maybe potion making wasn't the most exciting thing in the world, if all you cared about was Quidditch and Transfiguration and joke shops, but this place looked, for lack of a better word, awesome. Lucinda had been pulled away by her friends yesterday before she could really get a good look at it, but today she was free to gaze at its beauty. It was a fairly small place, covered in black brick and a dark, wood shingled roof, which seemed to be incredibly worn down and uneven. The little building sat wedged between the Hogs Head and a narrow alleyway.

No one watched her walk into Jasper's that day. The main reason being that the moment she reached a hand out for the door, there was a loud clap of thunder overhead and then the sky opened up. A blanket of freezing rain pounded down on passing pedestrians, students and teachers, and Lucinda wrenched on the handle before she too was drenched from the downpour, clambered inside and shut the door behind her.

The shop was small… and hot. Lucinda shed her cloak instantly and folded it over her arm, hugging it to her stomach. She made to look behind her and see if others had sought refuge in other buildings, but, regardless of the rain beating down, the window was too dingy to see out of. Years of smoke and incense had clouded the glass, along with spiny potted plants that sat in the sill and stretched their tendrils around the edges of the windowpane.

Lucinda turned around and took in the rest of the shop. It was pretty dim at first, but as the rain pounded against the sides of the building, little lanterns glowed brighter within the room. Jasper must have put a dimming charm on them… the girl thought to herself. Objects came into view as the place was lit up and Lucinda began to walk slowly around the perimeter of the cramped room. The smell of spices filled her senses; cinnamon being the most dominant of all. She closed her eyes briefly and breathed in, feeling the warm air smother her lungs and fill her with comfort. As she opened them again she had to duck to avoid a bundle of pennyroyal hanging from the low ceiling. Lots of things were hanging, actually. It made it impossible to see the entire store without having to weave in and out of the dried plants and rooster feet.

After a few minutes of wandering joyously through the ingredients lining the walls, the girl finally found what she'd been looking for.

"Aha, there you are…" Lucinda whispered and reached for a small, green bottle near the very top.

At that distinct moment, a lightning bolt ripped through the sky and thunder crashed above so violently that all of the glass bottles on the shelves rattled. Lucinda froze with her hand out-stretched and waited for the rumbling to cease, shuddering out of reflex. Thunder didn't necessarily scare her, but when it was so loud like that and she was alone, it gave her a bit of a chill up the spine. After a few more seconds, things seemed quieted down and her fingers finished their journey up the shelf and onto the green bottle. It was just barely out of her reach. Her fingertips kept grazing the side of it, as her hand waved back and forth, and her legs tried desperately to be longer than they were.

"If you can't reach it, you shouldn't be buying it."

Lucinda jumped in shock and suddenly her fingers collided with glass. To her horror, the green bottle teetered and then dropped right off the shelf. If she hadn't been so surprised by the very familiar voice, she probably would have shot him a glare over her shoulder. Being as it was, Professor Snape had entered the small shop without so much as a click from his heel on the stone floor. He opened the shop door, just as the thunder crashed. He walked silently up behind her and caught the falling vial just before it hit her in the forehead.

Lucinda turned her face slowly to the right and looked up into her potions professor's eyes, her fingers still outstretched above her head. He met her gaze, briefly, but in that moment she felt the same bubbling in her stomach that had plagued her the night before. Thought to be just a phase and long gone, it was back: the lightness in her head at the sight of him and the nervousness she felt with him being so close to her. She could smell the fresh rain on him and it made her press her lips together tightly.

"Thank you," she said, dropping her eyes to the wall. Then she quickly pulled the ingredient bottle out of his hand and ducked beneath his arm, before he could see the reddening in her cheeks.

Too close, she thought and placed a hand to her chest, as she walked to the opposite side of the room. That was too close…

Thankfully, he didn't seem to notice the girl's erratic behavior, as he merely continued to look at the shelf she'd been standing in front of. Lucinda heard bottles clinking gently and she looked over her shoulder at the man. Snape searched through the dusty vials, shifting things here and there, trying to see the ones in the very back. He put a hand through the front of his hair and ran his fingers all the way to the back of his head in concentration. Lucinda felt her throat go dry and she turned back around, eyes lingering on the chicken feet hanging across the room.

Another minute passed and a small sigh had escaped the man and traveled to the girl's ears. Lucinda looked once more over her shoulder at her professor. She'd been staring at a hanging bouquet of pennyroyal and absentmindedly rubbing the vial in her hands. His subtle sound of annoyance shook her from the clouding in her mind.

"What's wrong?" Lucinda asked and stepped around the hanging herbs to stand by his side, her embarrassment ebbing away.

Snape continued to scan the shelves and different shaped bottles. "What I need isn't here…" he murmured, more to himself than to her. Then he turned his attention to the girl. He glanced down at her hands and at the bottle clutched between them.

Lucinda took this to mean he wanted to see what she had. Obviously, he hadn't seen it. She'd snatched it away from him too quickly.

"Oh," Lucinda replied and held the little, green bottle out to him. "This wasn't what you were looking for, was it? It was the last one…"

Snape stared at the label quizzically for a long moment, before replying with a hesitant, "No," thought he took it from her anyway. "Why do you need this?" His voice held just a hint of command to it.

"For a potion," the girl replied honestly.

Her professor looked from the ingredient, back up to her face and then he hardened his stare.

"What potion? I never assigned anything with a—"

"My own," Lucinda said, cutting him off.

He looked even more suspicious then. "What kind of potion are you making with Kudu sap?"

Lucinda opened her mouth to tell him just what kind, but was interrupted by a rough voice from the corner of the room.

"Come for the venom, Severus?"

Lucinda's eyes shifted to the sound, while her whole body jumped with fright. Usually she wasn't one to scare so easily, but the man came out of nowhere, holding a lantern up to his face, causing deep shadows to run through his gaunt cheeks, just as a clap of ear-splitting thunder exploded overhead. It was all very perfect timing, besides that fact that she was already on edge.

"Jasper," Snape said and walked through the lavender sprigs and up to the counter. "Enjoying a nap in the supply room?"

The shop's owner sneered. At least, he tried to, but the wrinkle in his nose grew and then turned into a dreadful sneeze. "Oh, don't abuse me, Severus…" the man sniffed, his voice soft and crackling. "I'm trying to get over this everlasting cold."

The potions professor snorted and leaned his elbows on the counter, while Jasper set the lantern down between them. Without the deep shadows splayed across his face, this person really wasn't all that scary. At first Lucinda thought he was a sick old man, but now she saw that he was, in fact, a sick young man. Well, younger, anyway. He couldn't have been any older than 40.

Feeling suddenly inspired, Lucinda followed her professor to the counter and stood by him once more. The shop owner watched her as she approached and his clear, blue eyes came into view. They were full of intelligence and curiosity. His face was very thin and dark hair covered most of the lower half of his face. A few strands of that same dark hair hung in his face, but the rest of it seemed to be pulled back into a ponytail behind him. Only some of the hair at his temples was dusted with gray; the rest was black. She stared at him long enough to know that he was waiting for her to say something. They both anticipated an exchange of graces and said "hello" at the same time. Lucinda let go of a smile and Jasper returned it. Then Snape's hand was on her shoulder and all other thoughts in her mind spilled together.

"Jasper, this is my student, Lucinda Morgan."

"I'm not really his student, you know," the girl replied without thinking, staring at the shopkeeper with raised eyebrows. "I'm in Gryffindor and professor Snape is still bitter about it."

"Aha!" Jasper let out a coarse laugh of surprise, but quickly stifled it at the sight of the professor's face.

Lucinda felt her own face getting hot. What had made her say that? She could feel his grip tightening on her shoulder. She hugged her cloak closer to her stomach and dropped her gaze to the countertop.

"Hello, Lucinda Morgan," the shopkeeper said with a kind, but weak voice. "I'm Jasper. I don't get many students in here… Did you find what you were looking for?"

"Oh yes," Lucinda looked up at him and nodded. She tried to ignore the man beside her as he kept his right hand on her shoulder and his eyes glued to her face, but ignoring him was impossible. He still had the bottle in his hand. She looked from Jasper to her professor.

Snape dropped his eyes from the girl and looked down at the Kudu sap in his other hand. After a beat, he set it on the countertop. "I'll take care of this," he said, sliding it over to the other man. Jasper went to retrieve it, but Snape pulled it back slightly. "But first…" the professor continued. "Have you got my shipment in?"

Jasper looked slightly exasperated in his poor state, but nodded anyway. "I'll go fetch it. Hold on." Then he disappeared into the back from whence he came.

The potions master dropped his hand from the girl's shoulder and began rummaging in his pockets for money, while she watched him in subtle awe.

"I can pay for it, you know," Lucinda said, not knowing if she should be flattered or offended. "I-I have money."

Snape waved a hand at her, dismissing her sentence like a puff of smoke. "I'm already buying something. I'll get it. Besides," he added, looking down at her now, one eyebrow reaching for the ceiling. "I want to observe whatever it is you're making with the sap."

"Professor, I didn't plan on—"

"I know," he snipped. "You planned on doing some kind of experiment with it on your own and I'm not going to allow it."

Lucinda opened her mouth to argue, but closed it again. Was she actually in trouble? She hadn't thought about the fact that it might be against the rules to brew her own potions. At home she always had something cooking in her cauldron. Maybe that was something she would have to let go of for now. The thought of it was really rather depressing. How was she supposed to broaden her mind if she was confined to just making potions in potions class?

"Oh, what is that look for?" he asked, unable to completely hide his smirk. "You aren't in trouble. I just want to observe."

Lucinda's mind conjured up something verging on inappropriate and she hoped it didn't show in her face. "Are you that curious about it?" she asked, eyes shifting to the green bottle on the counter.

Snape followed her gaze. "Yes and no," he replied and then looked back at her. "Whatever you're doing with it, it could be dangerous. The sap on its own is surprisingly fatal… I want to make sure nothing goes wrong."

Was that concern she heard in his voice? She raised her eyes back up to meet his. She hadn't really looked at him directly since he'd arrived. Now she saw that his hair was damp from the downpour outside. A few black strands clung to his neck and if she stood perfectly still, she could see his throat move slightly with every pump of his heart.

Stop looking at him… Lucinda's head screamed at her. Stop looking at him and not saying anything.

Luckily, Jasper saved her with his reappearance in the doorway. He was carrying a fairly small box, but seemed to be struggling with it anyway.

"Are you alright?" Lucinda asked, turning away from her teacher to help the other man.

Jasper nodded, though the beads of sweat on his forehead said different. "I'm fine," he said breathlessly and then set the box on the countertop. "I'm just feeling a little weak lately."

"Maybe you should lie down…" Lucinda peered carefully at the sick shopkeeper.

He wiped his brow with the back of his hand. "Lying down is all I've been doing, miss," Jasper replied with a grimace.

"Well you obviously need some more of it, sir—"

"How much do I owe you, Jasper?" Snape cut in and Lucinda just stared at him. How rude! The man was sick and professor Snape obviously had very little concern about it. He could at least pretend to care.

While the two men exchanged money and ingredients, Lucinda put her cloak back on and tried again to look out the window. It was definitely still raining, though you couldn't tell that much through the dim glass, but it seemed to have let up enough to venture out again. Lucinda sighed and walked back to the shop counter. Professor Snape was securing the package under his arm and had a small, paper bag in his other hand. The girl reached for it, but he pulled it away from her.

"You're going to be making it in my classroom," he said, as he tucked the small bag into the inside of his black cloak. "I'll put it in my office for now."

Lucinda blew the air out of her nose in frustration. "You paid for it and you're also keeping it," she snapped. "Well, it's as if it isn't even mine."

"It's yours, Gryffindor girl," he said coolly, giving her a full smirk this time. "And speaking of Gryffindor, where are the rest of your little friends? I didn't think you went anywhere without them."

"They're around somewhere," Lucinda shrugged and stretched her neck up to fasten the button under her chin. "I'm hanging out with Tristin today."

She half expected him to blow up on her; not in a jealous rage or anything (like that would ever happen), but because it was obvious that Snape hated him, for whatever reason. But he didn't. He was quiet. His smirk did vanish the moment the words left her lips, though. At first, he looked like he might say something. She could see his jaw clench down and the muscle in his cheek flex, but no response came. He wiped the rain droplets off the back of his neck roughly and cleared his throat.

"Is that so?" he said simply.

She was surprised by her own disappointment in his answer…

They walked to the door together, Lucinda turning to wave goodbye to Jasper, and then stopped there. She looked sideways at her professor. "Is that alr—"

"Rescheduled your date, then?" he asked, looking straight ahead at the wooden door. There was an inflection in his voice, but it was so subtle that she wasn't sure it was even there; if she'd even heard it.

Lucinda stared at him out of the corner of her eye for a moment before answering with: "I guess you could say that, yes."

She waited, but all he said was, "Mm."

Maybe he was being more mature about the whole thing. After all, what reason could he have to dislike Tristin so much? And regardless, what did that matter if she was friends with him? What did that matter if she was more than friends with him? Nothing to Severus Snape. Nothing, at all.

"Well, thanks for paying for the Kudu sap, professor," Lucinda smiled, as she opened the door to the shop. "I really appreciate it—I do."

Snape nodded. "You're welcome. It was nothing."

"Nothing at all," Lucinda echoed, her smile falling slightly.

Snape knit his brow and stared at the drop in her demeanor. "Is there something wrong—?" is what he tried to ask, but she'd already bounded out into the street and the sprinkling rain.

"See you at dinner!" she called and waved and then she was gone, making her way toward a dark figure standing in the overhang of Honeydukes Sweet Shop. Snape knew who it was and he scowled. But he had no right to scowl, none at all. Let her be friends with the boy. Who cared? Not him… Just as long as things didn't go any further…

x-x-x

"So, what's your favorite color?"

Lucinda took a sip from her frothy mug of butterbeer and stared at the top of the table. What a normal question. That was easy. "Green," she replied, but kept her eyes away from him. Her thoughts kept drifting from Snape, to Xavier (they needed to have more dance lessons), to the Ball, back to Snape… The rain was still coming down, so they'd decided to grab a drink at the pub until it let up. They sat at a table in the very back of The Three Broomsticks; perfect for private conversations, but Tristin Samael seemed to be having a conversation with himself.

"Hmm…" he said, amusedly. "Your words say interested, but your voice says bored…"

Lucinda shook her head. "What?" she said quickly and looked up at him. "I'm sorry, Tristin. My mind was somewhere else."

"I know," he sighed. "Anything you want to talk about?"

She half-shrugged, half-shook her head. "I don't know," Lucinda took another sip and then set her mug down. "I guess I'm just thinking about… things—a lot of different things."

He was quiet for a moment, as he watched her. Then he slowly took a sip from his own mug. "You know, we've been friends for a little while now…" he said, running a slender finger around the steaming rim of his glass. "If you ever want to talk seriously about anything… I'll listen. Okay?"

Lucinda gave him a genuine smile. "Thank you, Tristin," she replied, suddenly feeling shy. "That means a lot to me. Really."

The boy smiled back. "I'm glad."

Neither spoke much as they finished their drinks, but that was fine. Lucinda quite enjoyed the calm and the silence. This was what being a Hogwarts student was all about; sitting with friends and just enjoying the company that they provided; soaking each other up. No need for serious talks or arguments or heated conversations. It was a lot easier being in Tristin's presence, rather than Snape's. True, there was a developing crush to factor into that friendship (did they even have a friendship?), but she was determined to push it from her mind and forget about it. Crushes never went anywhere, especially when they were on your teacher…

"Was it too hot?"

Lucinda looked up at her friend; her friend that she was on a sort of date with. "What?"

"The butterbeer," Tristin said, nodding at her empty mug. "Your face is a little red. Was it too hot to drink?"

The girl put both hands on her cheeks. "Oh no," she laughed. "If it wasn't red before, it's going to be now."

"Ahaha—aww," he simpered at her. "Come now, don't be embarrassed. The color looks good on you."

"Are you trying to make my face catch on fire?"

Tristin smirked and Lucinda felt a familiar tug in her stomach. He really was very cute. He had creamy, porcelain skin and lovely dark eyes and hair; not to mention that award-winning smile that graced his lips every chance it got. This was better. A crush on someone her own age was much better.

Tristin continued to laugh at her reddening face and the Gryffindor shook her head at him, placing a hand over her mouth to hide her grin.

It wasn't just better… it felt good. It was innocent flirting for now, but there was definitely the potential for something there… something real.


	12. Close Calls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter I mention N.E.W.T.s (Nastily Exhausting Wizarding Tests). When I first started this fanfic the last few Harry Potter books weren't out yet and I didn't have a firm grasp on what students experienced in their final year of schooling (or that they didn't even need to attend the final year, depending on what profession they intended on pursuing). Well, as I have come back to this story and started writing it again, I've realized that it is unlikely that some of the people in Lucinda's Potions class would actually be in there, due to the advanced curriculum Snape would be teaching to his students in their last year, preparing them for the N.E.W.T. I might even have some of this wrong. JK Rowling doesn't really talk about the tests too much in the books and it's also been a while since I've read the last few of them. I tried to do some research, but for the story's sake, let's just say this: It's true that Aurora and Gabriel dislike Potions and aren't that good in it. They do require Lucinda's help a lot of the time, and lord knows how they passed their O.W.L.s (ordinary wizarding levels) with high enough marks to get into the advanced class, but they seem to have gotten into it, regardless, along with a few others who seem slow on the uptake of potion making. I can only assume that the careers they have in mind for themselves require a N.E.W.T. in Potions and they somehow just squeaked by into the advanced class. Happy reading and I do hope you enjoy this enough to leave me a teeny tiny review.

October moved along very quickly. It was already the 29th. There were times that Lucinda feared her only year at Hogwarts would end before it had a chance to really blossom. You hear about muggles and how the students in that society hate school, skip school, slack off in school (although wizarding communities had their own share of slackers), but honestly how could you ever want to skip a class at Hogwarts? Lucinda had barely begun to scratch the surface on what it truly meant to be a witch and what her potential was and she couldn't imagine missing even one class session, let alone the entire day (besides, of course, the 24 hours that she was in the hospital wing). I guess that's why it astounded her so much that Aurora, Clover and Gabe would deliberately miss all of their classes.

Snape kept looking at her, like it was she who had skipped class. It wasn't her fault they decided to pick the one day he had a quiz. Oh yes, they all owled in sick and were going to be "in bed all day", surprisingly all three of them, but no one was fooled. It was just that none of the staff could really do anything about it. So, professor Snape was looking at Lucinda like he wanted to shake the truth out of her and give her detention for the lot of them. She could have joined them. They asked her to. She politely declined (which earned a scoff from Aurora) and left that morning for Potions class. He should be grateful she didn't skip; glad to see her, even. Or at least, it would just be nice to have him glad to see her at all.

Ever since the day inside the apothecary, Snape's demeanor around her had changed. It wasn't that he had started being mean to her again or anything; he just didn't really talk to her, at all, not unless it was relating to a potion. Lucinda knew it was best that way, but she still missed his usual acknowledgement toward her across the Great Hall at breakfast or in the hallway. She used to stay after class to help him clean up and to chat for a few minutes, but he'd stopped encouraging that, as well. As much as she had grown to like Tristin a lot in the last couple of weeks, he wasn't really interested in potions (and neither were any of her other friends). They had plenty of other things to talk about, but it would be nice to discuss the ingredient makeup of a paralysis potion sometime. Snape was the only one to do that with…

"Lucy, I can't do this without you," said a nervous whisper from the girl's right.

It was Beatrice Aberdeen. Without Aurora or Gabe in class, she had sat next to Lucinda at the start of the lesson. They'd become somewhat friends, as well, but Beatrice was one to disappear a lot. Mostly because, Lucinda found out, the poor girl was so terrified of everyone most of the time. She was extremely paranoid and often left in the middle of class due to a "bad feeling". This was also why she sometimes slept on the couch in the common room (like the night Lucinda found her there and placed her jacket over her shoulders). She said she would wake from a nightmare about someone climbing through her window or something sleeping under her bed. Honestly, her stories were creepy and made Lucinda uneasy. It was no wonder Beatrice was paranoid, having nightmares like that. It didn't help that she was clumsy, nervous and constantly exhausted.

Lucinda shook her head and looked down at her cauldron. Seeing it starting to turn black, she quickly shook a bottle of beetle eyes into her palm, pinched up a few and then sprinkled them into her potion. The liquid inside instantly started to lighten. Then she looked sideways at the yellow-haired girl and gave her a reassuring smile. Beatrice followed suit and saved her own potion.

The whole room was deadly quiet, save for the occasional clinking vial, chopping knife, or muffled cough. This exam was one of five of the most important ones they'd have all year and that didn't include the final at the end of the year that determined whether or not any of them passed their N.E.W.T. How could her friends be skipping on a day like this? It was no wonder Snape was in a bad mood. He'd have to take time out of his day to have them make up the test.

"Ten minutes left."

Lucinda looked away from her cauldron again to stare at the man at the front of the class. Professor Snape had said the words without looking up from the book on his desk. She was actually somewhat relieved he wasn't glaring at her anymore; although glaring was better than ignoring.

Right, right, she shook herself again. Only ten minutes left.

The potion was almost done and Beatrice made it this far, so Lucinda had confidence that she'd finish with full marks. The two girls took each of their sparrow throats out of their jars and placed them in the cauldrons. Two stirs. Then it was time for the Spracklen. Lucinda glanced at Beatrice and then down at her own sprig of red plant. Home free, home free, they were home free. Just one last thing… She picked up the piece of plant and brought it under her nose, breathing in deep.

Peppery. Perfect.

Lucinda placed it in her cauldron, stirred again and then took the potion off the heat. Finally, she turned to watch Aberdeen finish. The girl glanced nervously back at her, picked up her own sprig of red plant and smelled it. She was about to place it in her cauldron, when Lucinda went wide eyed. She could smell it from where she was. The mint was undeniable. It filled her senses and Lucinda shot a hand out and slapped the Dagala out of the girl's grasp.

Every head in the class turned to look at them, because not only did Lucinda startle Beatrice by slapping her hand, she also let out a loud "NO!" in the process.

"What's going on over there?" Snape had gotten to his feet and was making his way to their table. "Miss Morgan, what possessed you to interrupt someone else's potion—?"

"It was the wrong ingredient," she replied, staring at him, chest heaving, hands shaking.

"And?" he asked, looking skeptical of her sanity. "That is the point of an exam. Sometimes you put the wrong ingredient in if you haven't been paying attention. I can't correct the mistakes if someone doesn't first—"

"It was Dagala!" the girl nearly screamed.

Snape went a little paler than he already was and snapped his head in the direction of the Aberdeen girl. "How did you—?"

"She didn't," Lucinda interrupted him again and her voice shook. "She didn't professor. I was right there. She picked the Spracklen from the same plant as I did."

No one said anything. Professor Snape looked from one girl to the other. Lucinda kept her eyes locked on his, but Beatrice had hers drawn down to the table.

"Miss Aberdeen," he barked.

The girl jumped and snapped her head up to look at him. "Yes?"

"You will receive at most eighty percent on this exam."

"But the plants were switched!" Lucinda blurted, staring wildly at her professor. "That isn't fair—!"

"Regardless if that actually happened…" Snape replied, shifting his gaze slowly from Beatrice to Lucinda. "Miss Aberdeen should have recognized the difference between the two. For that, she gets points taken away."

"So, you really would have rather she just—"

"Class dismissed!" he yelled, though his eyes didn't move from hers. "Leave your cauldrons off the heat and go. I'll grade them as they are."

There were a few hisses from the Slytherins as they all filed out, but Lucinda didn't pay any attention. She stayed glued to the spot behind her table, waiting for the room to empty. Beatrice was the last one out, as she glanced imploringly behind her, then the dungeon door was shut and they were alone. Snape instantly broke eye contact with her and walked to the furthest table in the room to start examining the potions. He only got as far as the second cauldron before she was in front of him again, on the other side of the table.

"As I was saying, would you rather she just put it in there?" she fumed, hands gripping the table top. "Shouldn't this be some kind of exception?"

"Exception to what, Miss Morgan?" he asked, marking something on the paper in his hands and not looking at her.

"Exception to the grade!" Lucinda raged. "A traumatic event was narrowly missed today! We could have both died!"

"You think I don't realize that?" he snapped, clenching his teeth together and looking up at her. "You think I'm some asshole teacher who doesn't give a shit? I don't keep Dagala in my classroom. That means someone brought it in here."

"I didn't—"

"I wasn't insinuating that you did."

Lucinda didn't reply. He held her gaze a moment longer, before he looked back down at his paper and continued writing. A few minutes passed and the girl eventually sat down at the first table, even though her professor had long moved on to the fourth. She looked ahead at the front of the classroom; her arms stretched out in front of her and her back slouched in the chair. He was right, of course. Beatrice should have recognized that it was the wrong plant. It would be against the rules to give her full marks on a potion that wasn't finished, even though it very nearly was. If it wasn't for the Dagala, everything would have been fine…

Who was it? Who smuggled it in there… and why? It wasn't like it was an accident. This was planned…

"Lucinda."

The girl looked over at the sound of her professor's voice. He stood at the other side of the room, having finished that row of cauldrons. He was looking at her with what might have been a meaningful gaze.

"Mm?" she replied, eyebrows arching in curiosity.

"Have you taken your Sucrosulin today?"

Lucinda blinked at him. Strange. He hadn't asked her about that in a while. Did she look pale or something? She couldn't think of why else he would ask.

"Yes, professor, I have," she said, eyes still holding his regard. She waited, but he said nothing. "Why do you ask?"

Snape folded the piece of parchment in his hands, walked to his desk and then placed it in one of the drawers. Lucinda watched him as he then proceeded to walk back to the table she was at. She felt her heart lodge in her throat when his fingers closed over her own. "W-What—"

"Look," he said calmly and pulled her hand toward his face. "Your fingernails are blue."

Lucinda snapped her hand back like a spring, probably a little more forcefully than she needed to, for Snape's eyes went a little wide. "You noticed that?" she asked, examining the nails for herself. "Why would you even pay attention to something like that?" Her face was already starting to go red.

"Well, why not?" he snipped, his voice defensive. "You obviously needed someone to notice it, so as to remind you to go down to the Great Hall and eat something."

Lucinda looked up at him and narrowed her eyes. "Did it occur to you that my nails are blue, because it's cold in here?"

Professor Snape leaned down to meet her gaze at eyelevel. "Go eat something," he said with a jerk of his head toward the door.

"Why are you so angry?"

His face faltered and he tilted his head in confusion. "What do you mean?" he asked, eyes searching her expression. "I was under the impression that you understood my mood at this present time—"

"Cut it out!" she snapped, shrugging off his calm sentence (which was just serving to annoy her further). "I'm not talking about right now!"

Snape's eyes went wide again. "You have quite the attitude, Miss Morgan," he snarled and straightened back up. "You've cut me off several times in just the last half hour—"

"Because you won't listen to me."

It looked as if her professor was fighting back the urge to strangle her. He clenched his hands into fists for a second or two and then relaxed them again. "I'm listening," he mumbled through his clamped teeth and glared down at her.

"Look at me like that all you want," the girl said, her voice suddenly sounding hurt. "I'd rather that than have you ignoring me completely."

"I haven't—"

"You have," she cut him off for the possible sixth or seventh time that day. "And I'm sorry for not letting you speak, but I have things I need to say…" Lucinda swallowed difficultly and felt her palms starting to sweat. Snape didn't say anything. It might have been the fact that she'd apologized for interrupting him, but she currently had her eyes on the table, so his face could have looked like anything. She wasn't even sure why she suddenly had the need to say any of this to him, but now she couldn't stop… "You're angry with me," she continued slowly. "You've barely spoken to me in the last couple of weeks. Even when you didn't like me, you still spoke to me, if anything just to insult me… So, the only conclusion I can come up with for your lack of communication is that you're mad at me for something. I-I'm a pretty sociable person and I like to talk—" her voice caught and she used the opportunity to chance a glance at him. She was surprised to find him still looking at her. She thought he'd have cast his eyes to the floor or wall or ceiling by now. "I don't…" she pressed on, bravely keeping his gaze. "I don't like this feeling. Maybe I'm self-absorbed, but I don't want to feel like I'm not liked or wanted. Not long ago, you asked me to stop being angry with you… All I'm asking is for the same in return."

"I'm not angry with you," he said, eyes finally traveling away from her face to stare at the table top.

"I don't accept that," Lucinda replied matter-of-factly and moved her head into his line of vision again. He looked at her reluctantly and she felt her stomach twist sourly. "Because that means…" she continued after achieving his gaze again. "That you're ignoring me for some other reason."

"There is no reason."

"So you don't deny that you are, in fact, ignoring my presence most of the time?"

"I…" Merlin's beard, why the hell was she leaving him speechless?!

"Professor…" Lucinda said quietly. "Are we not friends?"

He said, "No," before he could stop himself. It was her turn to be speechless. She looked back at him, heart pounding in her chest, eyes shamefully watering.

"No?"

"No," he repeated, dropping his gaze to the floor as he turned away. "You can't be friends with a teacher."

He heard her chair scrape against the stone floor as she stood, but he continued on his way to his desk with his back to her.

"What a load of crap!" she exclaimed behind him. He could hear her voice growing louder as she followed after him. "At least for me—you were my friend before! I don't know what changed, but—" Actually, now her voice was fading. He turned around to look at her, only to see her retreating form headed for the door. "—I can take a hint. Fine, teachers aren't friends with students. Great. That's great—makes my life easier, actually!—"

"Lucinda, don't leave upset like this—"

"How can you stand there?" she turned around and pointed at him. "How can you just stand there and tell me that we aren't friends? That we can't be friends? And then you don't want me to be upset?!"

"No, I don't want you to be upset."

"You are unbelievable," she shook her head and tilted her face to the ceiling, hoping for something to fall down on him. "Look, do me a favor and at least just switch my potion with Aberdeen's, alright?"

She was looking at him then. He brought a hand up to rub the back of his neck and watched her reproachfully. "Why?"

"Are you kidding me?" she asked, looking positively livid and exasperated all rolled into one. He didn't like this look on her… "Beatrice will FAIL the class if you don't. She can't afford to have any points taken away. I, on the other hand, can."

"I'm not tainting your record for her—"

"TO HELL WITH MY GOD DAMNED RECORD!"

He was stunned into silence again. She was getting very good at making him shut up. What he didn't know was that she had never spoken to anyone that way in her life. She was respectable to a certain degree and somewhat outspoken, but not like this. This was downright crazed behavior towards a teacher. But he was more than that. She really did think of him as a friend, but apparently, she really was just another student to him.

"You want me to switch the grade?" he asked, voice steady and threatening.

"Yes," she said without hesitation. "Yes, just switch the grade."

Professor Snape walked to where she stood, just beside the classroom door. She had her hand on the doorknob, but dropped it as he approached.

"If you do this, there's going to be consequences."

"What kind of consequences and why?" she asked, hardening her stare at him, but clasping her shaking hands behind her.

"I refuse to do this if it means your grade will drop."

"Professor—"

"But, I'll do it if you make up the points through extra credit."

Lucinda narrowed her eyes. "What kind?"

Snape felt a warmth spread through his chest at her words. What kind, indeed… If he were to go off what flashed through his mind in that very instant, she'd have ran away screaming. What vile thoughts were these and where were they coming from? "Extra potion making, of course," he replied calmly. "In here—" he gestured behind him "—So, that I can observe. I still have your ingredient from Jasper and you were going to make the potion anyway. This should be the easiest extra credit you've ever done—"

"Why are you doing this to me?"

Snape looked back at her. She had her eyes drawn straight ahead, staring at a spot somewhere on his chest. He felt a small wave of guilt start to bubble up inside him. "Doing what?" he asked seriously.

"I can't keep up with you—I really can't," she replied, her voice growing with emotion. "I just want you to be honest with me, whether it be to tell me I'm just your student and nothing more or to finally admit that we're friends. I can't keep being jerked around like this. One minute I don't exist and the next minute you're concerned with whether or not I'm eating enough—Then you tell me we're not friends at all and the next you want me to spend extra time alone with you, making potions. What is all of this?"

What the hell was she doing? Did she know how all of that sounded? It sounded very, very bad! Any moment now, Snape was going to tell her to stop being childish and get the hell out of his sight. That would be the logical thing to do… But, although Lucinda thought her words were a mistake, they must have had some kind of effect on her teacher. Only a second more passed before she felt her professor's hand graze the underside of her jaw.

"I can assure you," the he said suddenly, his voice dropping to very little more than a whisper. "There is nothing that I'm doing on purpose to leave you so confused." He grasped her chin with his hand. He really expected her to slap him, but she didn't. She didn't even flinch. She just kept her face pointed straight ahead, though her eyes opened a little wider at his touch. When she made no motion to pull away, he tilted her jaw up so that their eyes met. "I'm sorry that I can't sort out my own thoughts before I turn them into actions."

Lucinda's heart jumped violently behind her chest. If she wasn't confused before, she was now. "So…" she spoke quietly, feeling her breath shallow from their close proximity. "Just stop then."

"Stop what?" he asked, still holding onto her face and staring at her so intently she thought her insides were going to catch fire. "Stop ignoring you? Stop insulting you? Stop caring about your academic standings? Or maybe stop showing an interest in you?" His words were slightly biting, which confused her more. He, on the other hand, had completely lost his fucking mind.

"Stop being inconsistent," she said only halfway confidently and then pulled her chin out from between his fingertips. Then she was gone without another word, leaving her professor standing there wishing he'd had a chance to redeem himself first…

x-x-x

It didn't work. Ignoring her just didn't work. It never did to begin with, really. He was fooling himself and for good reason. Things weren't just getting complicated; they already were. He couldn't even go two weeks and he was back to requesting her presence in his classroom alone; to talk to her and spend time with her and… make her do extra credit? Was this serious? And why, oh why, did he have to touch her? Red lights were flashing and the warning bells were sounding, but he could not stop. He had this unresisting urge anytime she was in front of him. The moment at Jasper's was the start of his mistakes. It was just a hand on a shoulder, nothing more—but it was more. To Severus, it was more. It was plain instinct, honestly, to give her a subtle touch when her attention was on another man. Snape cringed and leaned his forehead on the classroom door. As bad as this was, he was enjoying it. Was he that power-hungry and evil? How sick could he get?

He knew this was only going to get worse. He tried to stop it, but she kept coming back. She was even more resilient when he was doing his best to stay away from her. Ignoring her only made her fire burn brighter. Who knew what this did to her now… There was only one of two ways that this could go: She could end up hating him and then Severus was sure he'd be getting an earful from Albus if she ran to him about what happened, or… she could end up doing the complete opposite, which was possibly worse than her hating him. He should not have touched her. He should have let her leave and let it all diminish from there.

But… Severus thought and balled his hand into a fist.

He could still feel her smooth skin beneath his fingers. He wasn't sure what he would have done, had she not pulled away when she did…

"What will you do now?" he whispered to himself.

"Probably write naughty words on your board when you leave."

Snape jumped and looked wildly around the room until his eyes came to rest on a little man hovering cross-legged a few feet away from him in the air. "PEEVES!"


	13. The All Hallows Eve Ball (part 1)

"You should follow me."

Black eyes looked out from under long lashes and stared at her. They weren't sparkling, as they usually did. They were flat and dim like charcoal and kept hers locked in their unsettling gaze.

"Where to?" she felt herself saying, but she didn't mean to. She was only thinking it, but it came out as words. Lucinda ran a thumb up and down the side of the punch glass she was holding. She wanted to look behind her, but she couldn't, though she could hear voices coming from the Entrance Hall at her back.

"You should follow me," the dark-haired boy repeated and she thought his voice got a little louder.

"It's cold out here, Tristin," Lucinda whined and hugged her shawl tighter around her shoulders with her free hand. "Let's go back inside." But it wasn't cold. It was actually very hot outside. Beads of sweat formed on every inch of her skin, but she kept the shawl around her; smothering her.

"I need you—" he said softly and clasped a hand around her wrist, making her drop the glass "—to follow me."

The girl's heart skidded to a halt at his touch. She was sure there was going to be a bruise where his fingers were squeezing down on her, but that wasn't what made her want to cry out in alarm. It was the pools of black ink where Tristin's eyes use to be. The whites had been consumed by the darkness and now all that looked out from those heavenly lashes weren't eyes at all: they were empty holes in his head.

"W-w-what—" Lucinda didn't think to let go of her shawl and use her other hand to try and free herself. I guess in those kinds of situations you don't think and when you do, you think about the wrong thing. Lucinda thought about the glass she'd dropped in that moment. She hadn't heard it break on the front steps of the castle. In fact, she couldn't hear anything else anymore, at all; just the heavy breathing of the boy standing in front of her. Tristin's grip on her wrist was tightening, but it didn't hurt her, surprisingly. Regardless, she finally tried to pull her arm away from him (staring into those eye-sockets gave her enough incentive to get the hell out of there).

"Stay with me!" he screamed into her face, as she struggled within his clutches.

Lucinda tried to cry out again, but her throat closed up and nothing came out. Tristin made to grab her other wrist, but she was one step ahead of him and threw out her arm, dropping the shawl. Her shoulders were bare then, but she was still blistering hot. Her fist collided with Tristin's chest and she felt him stumble backward, down the steps. He pulled her with him.

"No!" she flailed as they tumbled onto the hard ground. This time it did hurt her. She felt her arm stinging where she'd fallen on it and her head suddenly started to throb. All the while, Tristin had now secured his grasp on both her wrists and was on top of her. "No! NO!" She screamed again, making her head ache more. She clenched her eyes shut and thrashed her arms as much as she possibly could to dislodge his hands from her. He shook her violently in retaliation.

"Stop it!" he yelled down at her. "Lucinda, stop it!"

His voice had grown deeper and, for some reason, that scared her more.

"No no…" she repeated, though this time her voice came out weak and slurred and tears ran down her temples and into her hair. She sniffled and with that came the smell of spices and burnt timber. Her head swam, even with her eyes shut and her body felt as if it were crawling inside itself.

"Open your eyes, stupid girl!"

She opened her eyes… but only because it sounded like professor Snape. And it was professor Snape. She could see stars winking at her in the sky beyond his head. Her eyes slithered around a bit and the stars behind him faded. His hands were still clasped around her wrists, but he didn't say anything. The sky turned cloudy and then faded away completely, being replaced by a low ceiling. Instantly things started to piece back together again.

"Snape…" she sobbed, unable to keep her tears in. What a horrible feeling. What was going on and what had happened? Severus didn't even seem bothered by the fact that she couldn't choke out a "professor" before his surname. The girl was obviously out of her mind.

"Calm down…" he said softly and let go of one of her wrists to wipe the sweat off her forehead.

Her heart was beating fast. Not because of the physical contact between them, but because of her panic and confusion. Where were they and what happened? She couldn't remember anything…

"Where am I—" she began, but at that moment she had one of the worst over-whelming feelings she'd ever experienced; a feeling of sickness. "Oh no—" was all she got out before she quickly flipped over, just as a stream of vomit burst from her esophagus. Hot and disgusting, it spread across the stone floor she only just realized she was lying on. Her only thought after that was: Oh god, oh god, please stop. Don't let him see me like this.

Severus instantly pulled her hair back from her face. Thankfully, the room was very dark and he couldn't see the foul stuff. Not that he couldn't handle it (considering the smell was enough to make anyone gag); it was just easier to deal with this if she wasn't embarrassed. But she was. The feeling didn't last, though. Vomiting didn't allow for one to be embarrassed for very long. Mere instinct took on after that and all Lucinda wanted was to stop feeling like her lungs were going to give out or her heart was going to beat out of her chest. Any moment now and she was going to die. She could feel it. The reaper was upon her.

"I'm going to kill your friends," she heard her professor grind out, over her shoulder. She breathed in and the sour smell was gone. Snape had cleared away the mess with a wave of his wand and a mutter of a spell, thankfully. She felt better after being sick, but worse at the same time. The guilt was all but consuming her at this point as she started to remember what had happened the night before…

21 HOURS EARLIER:

October 31st (8:09 a.m.)

Gryffindor Tower was alive with excitement. No one could keep calm; not even the boys. It was just a Ball, but—no, it was more than that. There was going to be dancing and music and food and laughter. If you had a date, then you had all the more reason to be excited. After all, it was those poor folks that would be sitting on the sidelines, lonely and yearning for a hand to grasp, as they watched you gliding by, dancing so carelessly with your partner.

It wasn't easy getting dates, not at all. Firstly, was the guy supposed to ask or was it the girl? They never mentioned any rules for this sort of thing. Thus, everyone was asking everyone. Aurora, to her complete and utter delight, was asked by Adam Bailey and Lucinda was asked by Tristin Samael. Her friends (and even some random students she'd never spoken to) were not surprised by this. He'd been showing her a lot more attention than they'd ever seen him show anyone. He was a nice enough guy, but he wasn't the type to have a girlfriend. He was always kind and single. He didn't actually ask Lucinda to the dance as his girlfriend, though. Honestly, it was barely a date. He practically explained it in a written document that it was not a request to go steady. It was probably to cover his own ass, in case she rejected him, but she accepted without question, anyway.

"Are we going to try the gowns on or what?"

Lucinda looked up from her potions book. "Hm?" They were sitting at their usual spot by the window. Normally, it would be a calm morning, with just a few conversations here and there, but today Aurora had to raise her voice quite a bit to be heard.

"I haven't seen your dress on you, Lucy," the blonde rolled her eyes. "And you haven't seen mine. We're supposed to let each other know if we look fat or ugly."

Lucinda rolled her eyes in return. "You will never look fat, nor ugly—ever—in your entire life."

"That is true," said another voice. It was Clover. He'd gotten out of bed surprisingly early that day, which he was not known to do. "Neither of us will really age," the tall boy continued and held a hand out in front of him, appearing to be reaching for nothing in particular, as if he were reciting poetry. "My dearest sister and I shall live young and beautiful… forever!"

"Clover, stop it," Aurora replied heatedly.

"I don't doubt it," Lucinda said from behind her textbook.

"And you shouldn't, my love," Clover said dramatically and then laid an arm across her shoulders. "Beauty and youth truly runs in our fam—OUCH!"

His sister had kicked him hard in the shin. "I said, stop it!" she hissed and then glanced at Lucinda. "Lucy, if you're not going to show me your dress, then let's go get breakfast already!"

Lucinda looked up from her book again and stared at her friend in surprise. "What's got you so upset?"

"You won't get your nose out of that thing!" she nearly yelled, eyes alight in golden flames.

The dark-haired girl glanced down at the potions book in her hands. It's true, she'd been reading it nonstop since her last encounter with her professor, but that was because it was the only that got him off her mind. It was funny, really, if you thought about it. Reading about potions should have reminded her of her potions professor, but it didn't. It distracted her in such a way that she could get through hours of time without his face popping up into her thoughts.

"You're only mad—because Snape threatened to fail you—" Clover piped up again, hopping on one leg. "You're reminded of it—every time you see that book—" He held his other leg in his hands, trying frantically to rub away the bruise that was undoubtedly forming under his pant leg.

"You really shouldn't have skipped Friday…" Lucinda said quietly, though she kept her eyes on the text in front of her.

"Well, I made up the test yesterday, didn't I?!"

"You probably wouldn't have at all, if Gabby hadn't dragged you there," Clover mumbled, still offended at his sister's small act of violence toward him.

"Don't bring me into this."

The three of them turned to see Gabriel climbing through the portrait hole. He tucked something into the bag that was slung over his shoulder as he walked into the room and then weaved around a group of first year girls dancing in a circle.

"Gabby, you're back!" Clover squealed and flung himself on the small boy. "Everything go as planned?"

The boy nodded and then looked at the girls sitting at the table.

Lucinda stared curiously at the two boys, wondering what they were scheming. Upon a glance at Aurora, however, she realized the girl was in on it as well, for her face had suddenly lit up into a brilliant smile.

"Hell yes!" was all she said and suddenly stood up to high-five her brother, the quarrels of siblinghood long forgotten. "This is going to be the best night ever!"

Lucinda was going to pry them for information, but didn't have the chance. They quickly left for the Great Hall after that to eat breakfast.

(9:21 a.m.)

"Bea—" Lucinda choked out. "Beatrice, you're—strangling me—"

"Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!"

After breakfast was over, the Aberdeen girl had found Lucinda by herself in the courtyard and attacked her with a bone-breaking hug. She knew what this was about…

"I don't deserve it, I really don't," the girl continued, though she finally ended the hug. "I-It was all my fault—in class, you know, I could have killed us—but you switched the potions. I can't believe he let you switch the potions—thank you—"

Lucinda felt her heart swell proudly. Snape had switched them, after all. She now had a new found appreciation for her teacher, though she still hadn't spoken to him since after class that day… Mostly, she was just too embarrassed. He'd been in the Great Hall for meals, but she'd kept her eyes on her food and her friends during those times.

"Don't mention it," Lucinda patted her shoulder and gave a smile. "It was the least I could do. It wasn't your fault someone slipped that ingredient into the classroom."

Beatrice nodded, but looked at the ground. Either of them could have been killed (both of them, really). And if it wasn't just a coincidence that the plant had ended up on their table, then that meant someone was out to get them; maybe only one of them or maybe both… who could tell? Lucinda didn't pretend to not be bothered by it. It did bother her. Especially since she didn't think she'd done anything to warrant that kind of hate from someone…

(11:30 a.m.)

"Lu-cin-da…"

"Oh dear Merlin you scared me!"

Xavier Michael raised an orange eyebrow at her, as he leaned his back against a pumpkin the size of a small house. "I scared you? Ha!" he cried triumphantly. "My life's work is complete!"

A soft wind blew curls of dark hair into Lucinda's face and she brushed them away hurriedly. "I didn't see you there!" she shivered and walked to wear he stood in the pumpkin patch. "And you didn't sound like you! It's all this wind out here…" She'd been on her way to take a walk around the Black Lake and release some of the tension from her mind when he'd startled her. X looked at her skeptically.

"Why are you walking out here alone?"

Lucinda turned her gaze behind her and saw her friends on the other side of the lake. "I'm not really alone," she mumbled, pointing at the small group. "See?" Clover could be seen doing something theatrical with his hands above his head, but she couldn't tell what exactly and the other two were sitting down in the grass facing each other. They were too far away to tell who was talking or what their expressions looked like, but Lucinda imagined that Aurora was either annoyed or bored, as she usually was.

"I'm not feeling good about tonight…"

Lucinda turned back to the redhead. He was facing away from her now. He had his wand out and pointed at the over-sized pumpkin. Seconds later, she watched as a small line started to sizzle right through the rind. That's when she noticed that there was a fresh design already started in the side of it, but he'd been blocking it from view as she was walking past.

"What aren't you feeling good about?" She walked to his side and watched him carving the pumpkin in his intricate way.

"She was asked already…" he replied, not looking at her and concentrating on a particularly delicate star. "…by that dimwitted Adam Bailey." As he finished the sentence, the star was turned into a large hole as he flicked his wand in frustration.

Lucinda watched his face carefully. "Well, so what?" she said bluntly. "Ever hear of 'cutting in'?"

X fell silent and carved three more stars. Lucinda waited a few minutes and just watched him, before speaking again. He was really very good at the designs. They were beautiful. Where had he learned to do something like that? And, besides that, who knew Xavier Michael had an artsy side to him? He was mostly just a goofball, as far as Lucinda could tell.

"So…" she said awkwardly. "What is all this? Do you always carve the pumpkins?"

"Yep," he said happily, his demeanor changing instantly. "Hagrid and I do. It used to be just him—before I came along—but in my first year I got into some trouble and we kind of got thrown together."

"Really?" Lucinda asked, eyes lighting up with interest. "What happened?"

"We'll save that conversation for another day."

"Oh, pah!" Lucinda pouted and flicked his ear.

"Ouch!" Xavier flinched away from her. "What's that for?! Give me some space! You're gonna make me mess this up!"

"Oh fine, whatever," she stuck her tongue out and turned away from him. "I'll leave you to it, then!" She began to walk away, but then a thought struck her and she looked over her shoulder at the carving boy. "Oh and by the way?" she called back to him. He turned and looked at her. "You can always ask me to dance, you know. I've already got someone I'm going with, but I'll still save a dance for you."

X seemed to consider it for a moment, tapping his chin comically. "Well, alright. We'll see." He said, shrugging. "But it'll have to be in a dark corner, because, you know… I have to watch my image."

Lucinda glared at him, but then rolled her eyes, before turning away again. "Whatever you say, X!" She called.

Xavier watched her walk several steps. He glanced down at his wand and then at the pumpkin. There were several more to do and the time of the Ball would be upon them before they knew it. "Hey Lucy!" he called, before he could stop himself.

She turned and looked at him. He could use some help and Hagrid was already inside with professors Flitwick and McGonagall, putting up decorations…

"You uh…" he hesitated, twirling his wand between two fingers, while his other hand was stuck in his jeans pocket. "You wanna learn how to do this?"

Lucinda positively beamed. "Really?" she called, excitedly.

X shrugged and looked somewhere off in the distance. "Yeah, I mean, whatever," he said nonchalantly. "S'up to you. You taught me to dance and what not. I guess I could teach you to do this."

Lucinda smiled large enough to earn an embarrassed coloring of the boy's cheeks and then she walked back to him again. A lonely stroll around the Black Lake could wait for another day…

(2:32 p.m.)

He'd cornered her in the library. Whatever had possessed her to go to the library on Halloween, she didn't know. Oh yes, it was because no one would be there on this particular day and so she would be free to finish her reading without interruption and take her Sucrosulin… but professor Snape was there. She tried to turn around before he saw her, but it was too late. He'd seen her and he was already halfway across the room, heading straight for her. She couldn't exactly turn around right after she'd walked in, so she resorted to turning down one of the aisles and pretended she hadn't seen him. For the shortest of seconds she thought he'd really meant to leave the library, since his footsteps did not immediately follow her.

"Ahh!"

But then she ran dead center into his chest. He'd come around the corner from the neighboring aisle and her book toppled onto the stone floor. There was an instant hiss from the librarian ("be quiet!) and then Lucinda was on her knees, scrambling to pick up the slips of paper she'd written on and that which were now scattered all over their feet. Severus followed her down to the floor and picked a few of the papers up.

"I-I can do it," she whispered and then looked up at him, but that was a mistake. The moment their eyes met, her face broke out into a red, blotchy blush.

Snape sighed in agitation at the look on her face. "Stop looking so nervous!" he muttered angrily. "That's all I need is for someone to think that I assaulted you or something!"

Lucinda snapped her eyes back down at the floor and finished gathering her pieces of paper. "I would never allow anyone to believe that," she muttered in turn.

"Well, I'm apologizing anyway."

The girl ceased her frantic shuffling of the papers and looked at him once more. "Apologizing?" she echoed.

"For touching you," he replied quietly and he did look sorry, but also very uncomfortable. Lucinda didn't reply. She watched him a moment, not knowing which reaction would be the most appropriate. "I didn't mean anything by it," he continued, looking at the bookshelf to her left and speaking as if he were trying to convince himself, rather than her. "I just didn't know how to make you… feel better. I'm not very experienced in comforting students and I—"

"It's okay," Lucinda whispered quickly, not wanting to hear another word. "I'm not upset. Everything's fine." Then she took the papers that were still held in his hand and stuck them within the pages of her textbook. "Are you going to the Ball?" she asked brightly, changing the subject as she stood from her crouched position. Snape followed suit and straightened back up.

"All of staff is required to be there…" he replied, searching her face carefully (she kept her eyes somewhere near his throat). "So, yes. I'll be there."

"Okay, then," she smiled and turned around, hugging her book to her chest. "I'll see you there!" Then she practically ran from the library.

He wasn't finished. There was more he'd wanted to say to her, but he'd obviously made a bigger mistake than was first thought. Was she really that freaked out about the brief moment his hand held her chin? It was nothing. Now she was probably going to run and cry to Minerva. The whole staff would think he was some pervert teacher and they'd sack him. Snape sighed and picked a single piece of paper up off the floor that the girl had missed. On it were several scrawled notes; some that probably only made sense to her. One thing stood out, though.

Boil for ten min, skip next step, add twice amount of mistletoe berries

She'd scratched out a few lines several times along the side, placed a question mark next to it and then wrote in the corner: ask professor Snape.

But then she'd scratched that out, too.

(6:48 p.m.)

"How long has she been in there?"

"For nearly fifteen minutes! Get her out!"

"Aurora? Come on, Rorie. Come out of there."

Lucinda was standing just outside of one of the bathroom stalls in the girl's lavatory on the first floor. Clover and Gabe were also in there, which would earn them both deducted points if they were caught by a teacher, but they didn't care, of course.

"I look like an idiot!" Aurora's irritated voice spoke from the other side of the stall. "I can't believe dresses are a requirement!"

"Rorie, you could never look like an idiot!" Her brother pleaded, tapping his fingers on the stall door. "Except right now! Hanging out in a bathroom is gross!"

"Shut up, you!" she hissed through the crack.

Lucinda tapped her foot. They were going to miss the beginning of the dance. She, herself, had a dress on that left her feeling very exposed, but that didn't stop her from putting it on and strutting her stuff. It helped that her gown was red and red looked the best on her.

"Adam is waiting out there for you," Lucinda said, exasperated. "And I think Tristin is out there, as well—I thought I heard his voice—Clover will you go check?"

The blonde boy skipped out of the bathroom. Twenty seconds later, he skipped back. "Yep, they're out there," he said loudly. "Adam said to take your time, Rorie. He must think you're in here putting on makeup or something—like that would ever happen—and Lucy, Tristin seems kind of eager to see you. Maybe you should go."

"I'm not going to just leave her in here," Lucinda replied in hushed tones.

"Oh fine!" Aurora's voice called again, echoing off the porcelain walls. "I'll come out already, but don't tell me I look great or anything. Just don't say anything at all."

The three of them exchanged a look and then watched the stall door with anticipation. A moment passed and then they saw two, white ballet slippers touch down on the floor. She should have known Aurora wouldn't be wearing high heels. She'd get annoyed with her sore feet an hour into the dance and end up throwing them at someone's head (probably Clover's). Lucinda had heels on; black ones that matched her black shawl. It was a nice contrast with the red dress.

Lucinda sucked in her breath when her friend opened the door and stepped out to meet them. She was in a white, long, flowing gown that draped over her body so gracefully that Lucinda wasn't even sure she was human for a moment. The dress bunched up on either shoulder with a lion broche on each side, pinning the fabric together. She looked like she'd just stepped out of ancient Greece.

"Oh wow, Rorie…" Clover breathed. "You told me not to compliment you, so I am in no way, shape or form going to mention the fact that you are bedazzling."

Gabe smiled at her, as well, a rare occurrence with him. Lucinda thought that maybe he really thought of her as a sister.

Even though she looked slightly uncomfortable, Aurora gave a shy smile. "Okay, no more," she said, running her hands up and down her bare arms. "I can't take you all looking at me like that and Lucinda, you should have—HOT DAMN!"

Lucinda jumped at her sudden outburst. "W-what?!" she cried.

Aurora stomped her foot in frustration. "Have you looked in the mirror, Lucy?!" she squealed and scuffled over to her. "Holy mother of Merlin, you look AMAZING!"

Lucinda pulled her shawl closer to her body. "Um, I kind of just thought I looked normal…"

"You look beautiful, Lucy."

It was Gabe who had said it, with a look on his face of pure tenderness. It was really very out of character for him to be smiling and getting so gooey all of the sudden. Lucinda blushed and glanced nervously at Clover. He seemed to have read her mind and smirked mischievously.

"Gabby started the party early."

"Clover," Gabriel warned. His smile had turned into a scowl.

Lucinda had never seen him with so many expressions at one time. It was bizarre. As for starting the party early, she never got an explanation about it, because the next second Aurora was pushing them all out of the bathroom and into the crowded hall. It was time for the dance.

(7:58 p.m.)

He was mad. It was so blatantly obvious and Lucinda wanted to walk over there and hit him. He was acting crazy. He kept watching the dancing couples and scrunching his face up into what could only be the biggest, most outlandish scoff she'd ever seen in her life. Honestly, she didn't know whether to hurt him or laugh at him. He just had such a face for humor that the moment he made any face other than a smile or bug-eyes, she wanted to die laughing.

"What are you smirking at?"

Lucinda turned to her date. He watched her with dark eyes that melted her from the inside out. "Just remembering something funny that X told me today," she replied casually and lifted her glass toward him. They were standing by the punch bowl table, taking a break from the crowd. Xavier Michael paraded around the edges of the room, like he was stalking prey, Clover and Gabe were dancing (yes, Gabe was dancing) and Aurora was standing near the band stage, talking to her own date and touching her face quite a bit. At least she seemed to be smiling…

"Have I mentioned tonight how absolutely…"—Tristin tried to search for the right words as he handed her back a filled glass of punch—"happy you look tonight?"

"Don't I always look happy?" Lucinda laughed and sipped from her cup.

"Well, most of the time…" he said thoughtfully and took a big gulp of his own drink. "You get melancholy sometimes, not gonna lie, Morgan."

Lucinda laughed again. "Oh everyone gets melancholy from time to time," she took a bigger gulp. "That's a terrible example."

They both laughed and stared out at the groups of students. Things were going well. It was the start of a very nice Halloween Ball, Lucinda thought. The only thing was she hadn't seen professor Snape yet. She would scan the room every once in a while, but for the first hour he was nowhere to be found. He'd said he was required to be there, hadn't he? She took another sip from her drink, but realized she'd already finished it.

"Man this stuff is good," she mumbled and set her glass down behind her on the table. "That was my third glass."

Tristin finished his own punch and then stared down at the empty glass. "Yeah…" he agreed, smacking his lips a couple times. "Really good…You know, it almost tastes like—"

But she never got to hear just what it tasted like, because someone had ran by her in a flash of red and black and she felt her arm being almost ripped from its socket.


	14. The All Hallows Eve Ball (pt. 2)

October 31st (8:07 p.m.)

"HEY!" she cried.

The only thing that kept her from hitting the back of that red head of his was the slight slip in his grip. His hands were sweaty and all she could think about was the fact that his hands were never sweaty, from all the times they'd danced. He continued to drag her all the way to the middle of the room, where the candles shown the brightest and where no one else seemed to be dancing. He stopped only when they'd entered the small open space.

"Xavier Michael!" she yelled and then wrenched her arm out of his grasp. "What the hell is wrong with you?!"

"Dance with me," he snapped and held his hands out.

"Why would I want to do that?" she snapped back, though she did so quietly. "You nearly ripped my arm off!"

"I'm sorry!" he replied irritated, though he also lowered his voice. "You said you'd dance with me tonight, so what's the problem?"

"How insensitive," Lucinda said and crossed her arms. "I realize that you have your own initiatives and priorities, but you could be a better friend."

Xavier slowly lowered the arms that he'd held out to her and looked away. His red hair was attractively messy and he ran a hand of slender fingers through it with a sigh. "I don't know how to be different than I am…" he said quietly, his eyes obviously finding the silver-haired girl in the distance. His freckles popped in the light of the candles overhead and the girl suddenly felt a pang of love for him.

"Don't try to be," Lucinda said with just a hint of exasperation.

X didn't say anything for a moment. The few dancing couples who'd stared at their short fight were preoccupied with their own affairs by now and she was thankful for that.

"Is your arm okay?" he asked unexpectedly, placing a hand on her shoulder briefly. She was going to snap at him again, but then she saw the sorry look on his face and thought better of it.

"It's alright," she said and rubbed her arm where he'd touched it. "Just don't let it happen again… and I mean it."

X nodded, but he looked uncomfortable. If Lucinda had looked behind her, she would have known why. She didn't have long to wait, however, to know the reason for the sudden abashed look he was throwing over her shoulder.

"Is everything alright here?"

The voice was polite, but it definitely had a dangerous edge to it. She really didn't expect it to be Tristin. She'd never witnessed him in a foul mood, but a foul mood was what he was in. It was bizarre to turn around and see him there with a mask of calm only halfway concealing his expression of restraint. It left her a little uneasy.

"Oh, Tristin," she said quickly and, for whatever reason, stepped in front of Xavier. "X had to speak with me. I'm sorry I left so abruptly."

Xavier stared at the back of her head in awe and glanced back and forth between her hair and the Slytherin's black eyes in front of her. Tristin did about the same; looking from her to the boy behind her. He seemed to be weighing the situation and none of them spoke for a long, tense moment. Eventually his face relaxed and he even graced them with a gentle smile. "Okay," he said and slipped an arm around her waist. "If you two are finished with your conversation, I'd like to have a quick dance with my date."

Lucinda blushed and X swallowed a nervous lump in his throat. "No problem, man," he nodded. "I'll catch up with you guys later on."

Lucinda allowed him to lead her away, but then turned to the Slytherin boy as they entered another area of the dance floor. "What was that about?" she whispered, his long hair brushing her lips as it swayed in a black curtain. "You looked kind of scary."

The Slytherin's smile grew wider. "Sorry about that…" he whispered back, looking embarrassed and she noticed a dimple that peeked out from the corner of his mouth. "I guess it took another guy whisking you away for me to realize that I um…" He stopped walking and spun her around and then into his arms where he held her there. "I think of you as more than a friend."

She was going to reply, in some kind of way (though she didn't know exactly how yet), but they started to dance after that and she didn't speak again for a long while. She was actually quite relieved, because at that particular moment Snape had entered her line of vision as they turned in unison and, for a moment, he was all she could think about. They played two slow songs in a row and Lucinda kept her head on Tristin's shoulder. She would have had her cheek against his, but she wasn't quite tall enough, though his lips did brush very near her forehead a few times.

x-x-x

(8:35 p.m.)

The room was dim with the glow of the candles overhead and the giant jack-o-lanterns in every corner. The whole room smelled of sugar, punch and the beginnings of a winter season to come. Snape stood by the Headmaster and… watched them? It was hard to tell in that light, but it seemed like he was watching them. The song that they were dancing to ended and Lucinda lifted her head from Tristin's shoulder. She felt a little dizzy. Obviously, too much spinning had transpired. It was also getting a little hot with all of the bodies in there, moving around, dancing and talking. Lucinda ran her tongue along the roof of her mouth.

"Thirsty…" she croaked out and then cleared her throat. "Mm—do you want to get a drink again?"

Tristin was much obliged. "Yes, please," he nodded and then led her to a nearby table. "I'll go get us some." Then he was off and Lucinda settled back into her chair. She tried not to look over her shoulder, but she couldn't help it. She pretended to brush curls out of her face, but then peeked behind her toward the group of Hogwarts staff. Professor Snape was still in the same spot, but he was absorbed in a conversation with, surprisingly, Xavier Michael. The Hufflepuff had a glass in his hand and he was looking down at it. His lips moved in what looked like a mumble. She saw her professor bend down toward him and turn his head. He looked like he was asking the boy to repeat himself, because then X looked up and his mouth moved again in a more animated way.

What? Snape's mouth said as she read his lips. Then he took the glass from the boy.

What happened next, she didn't know, because Tristin was back and he blocked the other two from view.

"Your drink, madam," he said smoothly and held the crimson liquid out to her.

"Thank you," she replied and took three big gulps instantly, thankful to finally quench the thirst she'd be succumbed to in the last few minutes.

"You're welcome," the boy smiled and sat down next to her. He placed his own cup between them on the table and then picked up a candy corn from the crystal centerpiece and plopped it in his mouth. "So, Morgan…" he said conversationally as he chewed slowly. "Got any brothers or sisters?"

Lucinda shook her head and smirked. "Only child," she replied and sipped at her drink.

Tristin's eyes sparkled at her, or maybe it was just the reflection of the candles in his dark hues. "That so?" he wondered aloud and took another sip from his punch. "I knew I liked you for a reason."

"Only one?" Lucinda teased and then fought off the urge to laugh out loud.

"Well, of course that's not the only reason…" he lowered his voice and leaned his face close to hers. "But I am an only child, as well, you see."

She watched his face looming closer and her face grew even warmer than it already was. "They say that children who grow up without brothers or sisters—" she whispered and then paused to sip her punch "—have behavioral disorders… Do you think that's true?"

Tristin didn't answer right away. He looked almost delighted by what she'd said. He held a half smile on his face and his eyes squinted at her slightly, almost in a way that said he was figuring out whether or not she was being serious.

Then he grinned wickedly.

"Absolutely."

Lucinda snorted into her drink, spraying punch all over herself. Thankfully, she was already wearing red and it didn't show up.

"Oh no," she pouted, setting the glass down behind her and then tried to rub her skin dry where the stickiness had landed.

"Ah-Ah—don't worry," he clucked reassuringly and then stood up. "I'll get a wet cloth."

"You don't have to do that," Lucinda grabbed the sleeve of his dress robes. "I can go take care of it in the ladies room—"

"Lucinda Morgan," he simpered. "You can depend on me tonight. I'll go get something. Be right back." Then he walked away, but not before adding a quick, "don't move" over his shoulder.

Lucinda settled back into her chair again. Tristin had left the room all-together, probably because there weren't any sinks in the Great Hall to get water out of. Then again, he could have just used magic… She pondered this a moment, before she didn't care either way anymore. Her fingers were sticky. Her arms kind of were, too. She glanced behind her. Snape wasn't over there anymore. A quick scan of the room and she found her friends, though. X had moved to the other side of the room and Lucinda watched with increasing horror as she realized Aurora was yelling at him. Thankfully, he seemed calm and stood there and let her yell. Clover and Gabe were just a few feet away laughing hysterically. Adam was standing just to the side of them, looking very uncomfortable.

Ugh… I can't watch this. Lucinda thought and turned around to face the table. She clasped her hands in front of her, but then pulled them apart again, feeling them stick together. Ick… she stared down at her red-speckled palms. She looked toward the doorway that led out into the entrance hall, but there was no sign of Tristin. She looked the other way, searching for anything wet; a cup of water, an ice cube, anything—

There was an ice-sculpture on the next table. It was a small one (just a little ice-wizard's hat) and it hadn't melted yet. It was probably bewitched to stay solid all night, though. She briefly wondered if this would pose a problem with what she planned to do next, but she was going to try it anyway. Lucinda got ready to stand, but then stopped. Her glass was still half full. She didn't want to leave it there unattended. You never know who could walk by and drop something in there… If someone would sneak Dagala into her potions class, she was sure they would put something in her drink, whoever it might have been… She picked the glass up and drained it down her throat. She smacked her lips after.

Delicious…

Then she stood, getting ready to walk to the ice, but not before she noticed Tristin's glass. He'd barely had a fourth of it and her stomach was already getting very full from all of the punch and how quickly she'd drank it, but he might end up with the same fate if she didn't drink it. Everyone was there tonight, along with the Dagala culprit, and they might try to poison her date, as well. She could tell him not to drink it and get a new cup, but how could she let it go to waste? It was too delightful… Plus, Tristin might laugh at her and drink it anyway. She couldn't let that happen…

x-x-x

(9:00 p.m.)

The sculpture was chilly and wonderful on her sticky hands. If anyone saw her they would surely laugh. She even laughed at herself. The image was ridiculous. She was over by a table, rubbing a hat-shaped chunk of ice, then rubbing her hands together and then running them over the ice again. It was very refreshing, though. Her body felt on fire. It was just so hot in there. Lucinda wrapped her hands around the base of the wizard's hat and then ran them all the way up to the tip, collecting as many droplets of melted ice as she could. Then she placed her cold and wet hands on the back of her neck.

"Ahh…" she sighed and closed her eyes, tipping her head back slightly. "That's better."

"What are you doing?"

Lucinda's eyes flew open, her fingers still laced behind her neck. She looked up into the face of Severus Snape.

"Uhhh…" she said dumbly.

He glanced from the sculpture and then back to the girl.

"I spilled my drink," she continued and brought her hands back in front of her. "My hands… they were sticky."

"You've got some on your face, as well," he said and reached a hand up, but stopped himself halfway.

Lucinda quickly rubbed at her mouth and cheeks. "Sorry," she mumbled.

"Why are you apologizing?"

She stared at him and chewed her bottom lip. In the end all she said was, "I don't know" with a shrug of her bare shoulders (her shawl had slipped to the crook of her elbows).

There was a silence that ensued. Lucinda glanced at the doorway again, but Tristin still wasn't there. He must have gotten stopped by someone. She looked back at her professor. Not knowing why, she suddenly had the urge to admit things to him; not in a crazed or boisterous way, but in a quiet, please-don't-tell-anyone kind of way. Maybe it was the candlelight and the music. Maybe it was because this was the first time she'd seen him in a casual setting. All she knew was that she wanted to tell him things; things that scared her and things that thrilled her; people she loved, places she'd seen in the world, nightmares that woke her in a frenzy of panic… He must have realized something was happening somewhere in her mind, because he stepped a little closer.

"What is it?" he asked, sounding strangely concerned. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Um," she blushed and the ice-sculpture behind her melted to a puddle on the table. "Do you want to dance?"

He glanced curiously over her shoulder at the melting ice, but then his eyes snapped back to her face at her words. He was speechless only for a moment as he felt a small wave of anger hit him. "What?" he asked, looking at her incredulously.

"Do you want to dance?" she asked again and felt her confidence rage up with a smile. "I mean… only if it's allowed."

"Regardless if it is or not, I shouldn't dance with—"

"Oh come on," she laughed and tugged on his hand. "There's nothing wrong with dancing."

He only allowed her to pull him a few steps behind her before he planted his feet and swung her back to him again. He caught her around both forearms and then stared into her face. "Are you feeling alright?" he asked suddenly.

Lucinda looked up into his now fully concerned face and let out a snorting laugh. She could not help it. He looked so funny. He was being so serious! They were at a dance! Wasn't she supposed to be happy and giddy? What was so wrong with that?!

"Oh, Severus, why do you have such a sour face?" she pouted and then squeezed her eyes shut in another bang of laughter (but this time it was silent, she was laughing so hard).

He felt his stomach do a flip and he let go of her instantly. Why did she say that? Why did she call him that? He quickly glanced around, but no one was looking at them. "Lucinda…" he whispered, his face growing even more serious. "How much of the punch have you had?"

Lucinda wiped a tear from her eye and breathed steadily a few times before she could keep the laughter back long enough to answer him. "I dunno," she shrugged. "It's really good. Did you have some? I think I had a couple of glasses. Oh no, that's not right—I had more than a couple. Why? Is there a limit? Because I think I drank half the bowl of it already—Pff-HAHA!"

Her head was really spinning now. But she didn't care! She felt good. She felt better than she had in, well… ever! She couldn't remember feeling this good. And now she really wanted Snape to know it, too. He should drink it with her. Everyone should have some. The whole world should live off of that stuff. She really thought she could.

"Come with me," he said and grabbed her upper arm. "You need to drink some water."

"No-no," she said suddenly, shaking her head. "I can't leave. Tristin told me not to move. Just stay and have a dance with me—"

"Tristin?" Snape replied, his face scrunching up in disgust. "Tristin? Is that who did this to you?"

"Did what?!" Lucinda suddenly boiled with rage at the way he said his name and tore her arm so quickly out of his grasp that she made herself stumble backwards. If it hadn't been for the person behind her, she would have fallen to the floor.

"You okay?" a blonde-haired boy with glasses asked kindly.

"Haha!" Lucinda covered her smiling chops. "Sorry, sorry!" she said and allowed him to steady her for a minute. She really was dizzy. She breathed a quick thank you and then started her walk back to her table. She was going to pass Snape right by, but he grabbed her arm again.

"I knew something like this would happen," Snape bared his teeth in anger. "Samael is no good for you!"

"How dare you!" Lucinda yelled.

Yes, she really did yell and Snape was too angry to even care that many students and some of the staff were now staring at them. He didn't let go of her and he didn't take his eyes off her.

"You think you can just tell me who I can and cannot date?!"

"I never did!" he spat back, though he didn't do so as loudly as she.

"You might as well have!" she continued her fit of fury. "You-you try to control everything and everyone and I'm sick of it. I'm a Gryffindor, you hear that? A GRY-FIN-DOR! I am not a Slytherin! But I can date a Slytherin if I want to! I-I, I… I…"

Lucinda was now looking past Snape to the other side of the Hall. Her face had been full of rage, but then it froze and diminished into something that might have resembled confusion. He followed her gaze and looked behind him. Staring through the open doors, out into the entrance hall, they could see Tristin Samael standing there talking with a girl with long, raven hair. The two were in a heated conversation, it looked like. The girl was obviously distressed and Lucinda thought she seemed very familiar. They watched her bring her hands up to her face, like she was wiping away tears. Tristin didn't seem fazed. He looked even angry. The girl yelled (though they couldn't hear what she said) and threw out an arm at the boy. Her fist hit him in the center of his chest, but he didn't move. He leaned closer to her, his arms out, almost like he was asking her to hit him again. She turned her face away from his and then pushed him. He only stumbled back a step, but then she was already gone, running out of the front doors.

"AMPH!" Tristin called and ran after her.

Lucinda didn't move. Her eyes stayed glued to the spot where the two had been. It seemed unreal. What just happened? And why did she know that name?

"Let's go," Snape said, tugging at her arm, obviously not thrown by what they'd just seen. "You need some water."

"No…" Lucinda growled in a low whisper and grabbed his fingers, prying them off of her. "What I need is for you to leave me alone."

Snape allowed her to pull his hand off, but he did not leave her alone. "You have had too much to drink," he growled back at her in an equally quiet and deadly voice. "The punch has been tainted."

Lucinda looked up at him and, although her eyes were glossing over, her gaze did not falter and she held him with hateful regard. Even she, at the time, did not know why she was so angry at her professor or more that it was herself that enraged her so. "Good," she whispered in such satisfaction that he feared someone else had entered her mind and taken over. This wasn't the Gryffindor girl, at all… He was so startled; she'd gotten a good fifteen feet away before he realized she was gone. He turned around and saw her heading straight for the punch table. Her hand was halfway to her mouth with a full glass of the poison by the time he reached her.

"Oh don't even think about it," she snapped at him as his hand reached for the cup. "I am an adult. I can make decisions for myself."

"Yes, but you are acting like a child!" he hissed and glanced at the nervous Fourth Year on the other side of her. The startled kid took one look at him and scooted off.

"Oh yes, that's me," Lucinda laughed bitterly and then gulped down her entire glass.

"Ah—!" Snape sputtered and held a hand out toward her, wanting to slap the cup from her grasp, but feeling completely helpless at the same time. "You—you really are so stupid!" he whispered as fiercely as he dared. He wished there weren't so many people around. He wished they were anywhere but there at that moment so he could talk some sense into her… or at least get a potion in her to lessen the clouding in her mind and judgment.

"PAH!" Lucinda gave another bitter laugh into his face and walked away from the table.

He didn't follow her this time. His rage didn't allow him to. He watched her sway through the crowd, dancing with random students on her way to her group of friends by the wall. Then he continued to watch her for the rest of the night, even though all he wanted was to get the hell out of there and set his classroom ablaze.

x-x-x

(10:59 p.m.)

She'd gone back to the table four more times. He couldn't do anything except wait it out. Throughout the night she'd become more and more belligerent, yet joyful. She danced with, not only every one of her friends, but possibly the entire Seventh Year class. Samael never came back. He was nowhere in sight and, although that didn't surprise Severus at all, being the piece of shit that he was, he felt the tiniest of empathy for the girl. It obviously upset her to see him running after another girl.

The only good that came out of this was that she seemed to have forgotten about Samael in her drunken stupor (which, mind you, wasn't really all that great of news). She danced and laughed and joked. No one else was in the state she was in, regardless of how much they had drank. He tasted the punch himself. It wasn't even that strong. He could barely notice the burn of firewhiskey on his tongue. Lucinda, however… was different. Perhaps she'd never drank before or maybe something with her blood sugar made her—

Snape nearly hit himself in the face. Of course, he thought in irritation. She's hypoglycemic!

If it was anyone else with this condition, they probably would have been fine. Being as it was, Lucinda's case was special… Having this much alcohol in her system might kill her. Especially since he hadn't seen her eat a damn thing this whole time, not to mention she hadn't stopped dancing. He was surprised she hadn't fainted already.

As if right on cue, he saw her composure change. She'd had her arms wrapped around the Borealis boy, showing him some strange stomping of her feet when her knees suddenly gave out. Clover caught her around the middle and, although she did not necessarily faint, she couldn't stand on her own either. Snape started in their direction, but the group was already walking in his. They passed by the punch table and then straight out into the entrance hall, Severus close on their heels.

"How much of that shit did you put in there, Clover?" Aurora was saying as they helped the girl toward the front doors.

"Yes, how much did you put in there?" They heard a cold voice say.

The group turned around: Clover, Gabriel, Aurora and even Adam. Xavier was making up the rear, right behind Snape.

Lucinda looked around at all of them with heavy-lidded eyes. "Wassa promlem?" she slurred and her body slumped further to the floor. Aurora and Clover held onto her tighter and then all of them started to feel a guilt at which they couldn't believe.

Snape stepped to the girl and put a hand out. "Come, Lucinda," he said softly, but his eyes stayed locked on the others behind her. He scowled at them and they didn't dare say a word back. They really were in the wrong this time, but they hadn't meant for anything to go this far.

Lucinda had been mad at him before, but she put her shaking hand in his, anyway. Then she stumbled into his grasp and swayed there on the spot, while he held her to him with both hands. His eyes were still on the other four.

"I don't want this to get bigger than it already is, so I'm not going to mention this to the Headmaster," he said quietly, but with obvious suppressed fury. "But you can bet that I am not going to forget this and in time your punishment will be served without question…"

Then Snape scooped the girl up into his arms, cradling her red-silken dress to his robes, just as she fainted. He didn't say anything more as he left with her, not even to the Hufflepuff boy he passed by. Xavier turned and watched them go. Then he turned back to the group. Aurora looked at him with a combination of anger, embarrassment and hurt. X said nothing and left up the marble staircase.

x-x-x

(11:40 p.m.)

"Lucinda? Lucinda!"

The girl opened her eyes a sliver. The first thing she noticed was the crackling of a fire not far off from her. She was leaned up against a stone wall with her butt planted on the carpeted floor. She noticed the silver serpent on the rug and knew she was in Snape's office. But she was tired. She closed her eyes again. She vaguely felt the needle he'd stuck in one of her arms, but nothing mattered right now; just sleep of some kind and she was intent on getting there. A few seconds past, however, and she suddenly felt just a bit more awake; still drunk, but less sleepy.

"Lucinda, you need to drink this."

She opened her eyes again and saw a glass under her nose. She looked up at the man holding it. He was kneeling down close to her, but man oh man did he have such a look of irritation on his face.

"It's just water," he continued, shaking the glass slightly and the edges threatened to slosh over. "I won't have your potion ready 'til the morning."

Lucinda took the glass from him and sipped it. Her tongue felt numb and she almost choked.

"Careful!" the potions professor snapped. "I'm already trying my best to keep you from alcohol poisoning. I don't also need you drowning in your cup of water!"

Lucinda threw the cup across the room with what strength she had left (which was a surprising amount) and it smashed on the far wall. Before Snape could yell, she'd burst into tears; great, big, fat rolling tears that only come with being intoxicated. She brought her hands to her face and covered every inch of it that she could. If he was mad before, he couldn't be now. She cried as though her very heart was breaking and her world was crumbling. Snape sat down on the rug and faced her. He watched her for only a few more minutes until he couldn't take it any longer. She was hyperventilating and her hands shook with the sobs. He told himself he'd stop touching her, but he thought maybe this was an exception.

Lucinda felt his hands wrap around her wrists. Before she even had her eyes open, he was pulling her forward. She might have stopped him, had she been sober, but she felt slightly out of her mind at this point. She allowed it. He pulled her all the way forward and into his arms.

"Don't cry," he said softly, after she had settled into his embrace. "Stop crying. It's alright."

And she did stop.

As surreal as it was, professor Snape had her in his lap, his arms wrapped tightly around her, as she balled herself into his chest. He stroked her hair a few times and said, "Don't cry" a few more. Eventually Lucinda calmed down enough to drink a new glass of water from him and then she fell asleep. Before he could feel too bad about the position they were in, he picked her up and carried her behind the drapery on his wall, into his sleeping quarters. He laid her on his bed and she subconsciously snuggled beneath the covers.

Snape brushed the hair off her forehead and looked at her. He really expected her to be knocked out instantly, but she opened her eyes a crack. She brought her hands up and wrapped them behind his neck and pulled him down. She didn't have much strength. He could have stopped her (it was only too easy) and she wouldn't have remembered in the morning anyway. He needn't worry of offending her. He could pull back from her and continue to the couch at the foot of the bed… but it was those thoughts that made him stay. She wouldn't remember it in the morning, anyway…

Lucinda pulled him toward her and she felt him hesitate slightly, but then give way. He leaned down and her arms finished their journey around his shoulders in an embrace. She hugged him and he let her. She pressed her cheek to his, feeling the breath that escaped him and ruffled the hair by her ear. She didn't move for several seconds. When she pulled back, the corner of her mouth grazed his. He froze again when she pressed her lips to his. It was brief and incoherent, but she'd done it. Then, as if nothing had happened, she flopped back into the pillow and was out like a light.

Snape stumbled back and sat shakily down on the couch. He licked his lips and stared at the girl's sleeping form.

I thought she was just going to hug me…


	15. The Morning After Surprise

"What is the last thing you remember?"

She didn't look at him. Partially, just because turning her head even slightly to the right made her head pound and her stomach start to[BACK](https://www.fanfiction.net/story/story_preview.php?storyid=3981434&chapter=15/#16337519) up into her throat. Then there was the little fact of her complete mortification on how she woke up. It was bad enough that she apparently made a fool of herself in front of everyone, but then her teacher had to take care of her like some drunken prom date (if prom even existed in their lives—which it didn't). To make matters worse, she'd vomited all over the floor; HIS floor, in his  _bedroom_ , but not before flailing in a dreaming stupor and falling off of  _his_  bed. So, what did she remember last? How was she supposed to decipher that? There were many things she remembered and they were all "last things", but they could have happened at any point in the night. After a moment, however, one thing did stand out beyond the rest.

"Tristin…" she said quietly and knit her brow.

Snape tensed beside her. A new wave of irritation washed over him and he gripped the arm of the couch a little too tightly, but he held his tongue.

"Seeing Tristin leave…" she[CONTINUED](https://www.fanfiction.net/story/story_preview.php?storyid=3981434&chapter=15/#19799223) suddenly "…after talking to a girl with black hair."

The potions professor watched her face cautiously. She kept her eyes forward, staring at the wall above his bed. Her gaze was slightly unfocused, as she was undoubtedly trying to put the pieces of the night back together in her mind. He had the urge to say vile things about the boy she was probably thinking about, but the slight expression of sadness on her left him feeling defeated.

"So…" the girl glanced down at the steaming cup in her hands and sniffed. "So did he ever come back?"

On second thought, maybe he didn't care.

"No, he didn't come back at all," Snape said a little meaner than he needed to. "Nor did he seem to give a damn that he was feeding you poison. He probably left because nothing and no one is more important to him than his own—"

He stopped, because Lucinda had raised her right hand between them. He would have been mad, but he saw her fingers shaking and her eyes had been squeezed shut.

"I know you hate him," Lucinda said with some difficulty (it seemed that even talking was having an effect on her throbbing headache). "But please don't voice it right now." She lowered her hand and replaced it on the cup in her lap.

"Fine, I won't." He snapped. Then he added, "Drink the potion already. You'll feel a lot better."

The girl looked down at the potion. It didn't smell very good. She was afraid that, even though she might feel better  _afterwards_ , she wouldn't be able to keep it down long enough to let it start working. That's all she needed: another vomit session in front of him.

"I'm afraid I'll get sick…" she whispered, feeling her cheeks flush.

"It doesn't matter. Drink it."

He was[STARTING](https://www.fanfiction.net/story/story_preview.php?storyid=3981434&chapter=15/#78504099) to get pretty annoyed… Well, more than usual while in her presence. If she would just listen to him, she'd feel better instantly and then maybe she'd stop shaking and shivering and putting a hand to her forehead every few minutes. But maybe he was just in a bad mood, because the girl's concern was obviously surrounding Samael Scum.

Snape heard a slight clearing of the throat and turned his attention on the girl again, only to find that she had drunk the entire contents of the cup. She looked like she might be sick just for a second, but then her face relaxed. The color came back to her cheeks, her shaking subsided and she even let out a contented sigh.

"Wow, you were right," she said finally looking over at him. "I  _do_  feel better."

"You should," he sneered. "I added a cheering potion to it."

She simply smiled and nodded her head. Then she placed the empty cup on the floor and pulled the blanket that was around her shoulders closer to her.

"I thought it would be easier to talk to you this way…" Snape[CONTINUED](https://www.fanfiction.net/story/story_preview.php?storyid=3981434&chapter=15/#97468245) slowly;  _cautiously_. "I know you remember seeing Samael leave. Do you remember what happened after that?"

Lucinda looked happily thoughtful, but then shrugged. "Not really," she said. "I think I remember dancing…"

"What about leaving the Great Hall?"

She scrunched up her forehead again. "Umm… No. I don't remember. But you took me after that, right?"

He looked at her. She still had a very contented look on her face. "Yes," he said and his reply came out a little quieter than he'd meant. "I didn't want to leave you in anyone else's care… Not with your hypoglycemia."

"Right," Lucinda nodded, "because no one else knows about it."

"Well, not just that," Snape said. "They probably would have just taken you up to your bed and let you sleep—not knowing you wouldn't have woken after that."

Even with the cheering potion, Lucinda frowned a little. "That's scary," she said, hugging the blanket closer.

"Yes, it is," he said almost angrily.

What would he have done? To come into class the[NEXT](https://www.fanfiction.net/story/story_preview.php?storyid=3981434&chapter=15/#30145644) morning and found her chair empty; a mortified silence lapping over the students; soft whispers from the Slytherins… Her voice that would never run through his ears again, her little hand that would never rise in the air again, her lips that would never move in a whisper, sip tea or brush against his again… Snape swallowed and felt heat rising to his face. He thought it might have just been his imagination; that perhaps what he'd  _thought_  had happened last night, hadn't really happened at all. But looking at her now, watching her lips purse together in thought, he realized that it couldn't have been a dream. He wasn't lucky enough for it to have been an innocent wandering of the mind. Instead, he had a whole world of problems to deal with now. That is, unless she didn't remember it, at all…

"Lucinda," Snape spoke up, looking strangely grave. "Do you remember coming down here to my office?"

"Hmm…" the girl thought and carried on with a half-smile, apparently oblivious to the serious situation. "I don't remember  _getting_ here… But I somewhat remember sitting by the fireplace—Oh I broke one of your glasses. Sorry." The girl gave him a side-glance/pout of embarrassment.

"It's fine," her professor shrugged it off and[CONTINUED](https://www.fanfiction.net/story/story_preview.php?storyid=3981434&chapter=15/#71580236) to try and hold her gaze seriously. "And going to bed; do you remember going to sleep?"

Lucinda shook her head[BACK](https://www.fanfiction.net/story/story_preview.php?storyid=3981434&chapter=15/#71816182) and forth instantly. Halfway through the third shake, however, her head[STARTED](https://www.fanfiction.net/story/story_preview.php?storyid=3981434&chapter=15/#71097453) to slow and then it stopped completely, as she got a far-away look in her eyes. She seemed to be staring right at him, but he could tell she was just remembering something.

"I've forgotten something…" she whispered ironically and then her eyes focused back on his face. "There's something I've forgotten…"

"You've forgotten lots of things," he replied, trying to sound[SUPPORTIVE](https://www.fanfiction.net/story/story_preview.php?storyid=3981434&chapter=15/#4285996), but the edge came out in his voice (the part of him that was terrified). "It's alright if you don't remember everything. There wasn't anything of importance you said or did, nothing embarrassing, nothing terribly scarring for your reputation—"

"Professor Snape."

"—you did yell a bit in the Great Hall, but I'm sure everyone just thought that I was being an asshole to you, because, well, I was. I don't believe anyone noticed you being carried from the Ball, either, so hopefully nothing is said about—"

"Professor Snape," she said louder this time and although she had drunk the cheering infused potion, her eyes were reddening with tears. He'd hated to imagine what she would have been like without it.

She didn't say anything else after that. She just stared at him, with the slight look of horror on her face. He felt his stomach bubbling. But was it because he was nervous to deal with this… or simply because it was that horrific of an action to have happened, that now she looked at him like she'd kissed her brother? Why was she staring at him like that? Did she remember or didn't she? Then he saw her bring her fingertips to her bottom lip, her face flushed red and, although she probably wished to look away, her eyes stayed locked on his.

_Ah,_   _there it is…_ He thought with a troubled sigh.  _She remembers…_

_Shit._

He was going to say something, anything; he wasn't sure what yet, but something to calm her down, because now she was no longer looking at him. She was staring at the floor at her bare feet that were placed upon the cool stone. Her high heels were at the foot of the bed where she'd kicked them off the night before. Lucinda's face grew hotter and hotter as she finally remembered exactly what she'd done. Her breath quickened and she let each puff out in rasps through her nose, trying desperately not to cry, nor to look at him, because the moment she did, she'd see the look on his face. She was sure he was thinking awful things, like how to tell the Headmaster that she wasn't fit for a dignified school like Hogwarts; how she was too rebellious, untrustworthy, promiscuous and whorish… She couldn't hear that from him. She'd rather leave and forget this ever happened, before he could speak a word.

Snape watched her intently as she suddenly stood, letting the blanket fall back to the couch. She stood in the dress she had on the night before. In his opinion, she still looked lovely; her hair was a little messy, but beyond that she looked sickeningly elegant with her shoulders bare. He sighed in frustration and looked away. What the hell had he turned into?

"I'm sorry," she said from his left.

He forgot his frustration and looked at her once more. She still stared straight ahead. "What for—"

"Please never speak this aloud to anyone," she continued, trying to sound professional, but it came out almost pleading. "I apologize for my actions—for  _all_  of my actions. It was very childish and I know I don't deserve for you to just forget it, but I am asking you as a friend… Please forget about this and never mention it again." Then she grabbed up her shoes and ran from the room, throwing the tapestry aside that lead back into his office. She only made it halfway to the door before the tears fell.

How could she have been so stupid? She'd kissed him. She'd bloody  _kissed_  him! And now she could never look him in the eye again. This was beyond horrifying; it was downright mind-shattering. How would she be able to go back to class every day and act like everything was fine? There was no coming back from this; no recovering. She was finally starting to build something stronger with him (something that somewhat resembled a friendship) and now she'd poured it down the drain. He would hate her. He would be disgusted by her. He wouldn't even want to be near her or look at her.

Lucinda let out a tiny sob that she quickly stifled with her shoe-carrying fist, and wrenched the office door open. Snape's hand shot out over her shoulder and slammed it back closed. It made her jump and she dropped her shoes. Then several more tears fell from her eyes and she covered them with her hands.

"Don't leave here upset." His voice was in front of her and sounded (much to her dread) angry.

"The cheering potion isn't working anymore," she barely got out, before another shuddering sob escaped her. How utterly terrible… How many times was she going to cry in front of him?

Then his hands were on her and she flinched, but he merely placed them on her shoulders. "It wasn't a very strong one," he said calmly and tugged her gently forward. "I couldn't have you loopy. You wouldn't have even been coherent, then."

She resisted slightly to his pull, because she suddenly chose that moment to remember the pathetic scene on the carpet the night before. His arms had completely enveloped her there on the green, serpent rug, while she sobbed into his chest. Oh it was a terrible memory. How could this have happened? And why did he put up with it? He said they weren't friends, but judging by the events that transpired in the previous 24 hours, she'd say he seemed to be acting like a pretty good friend, right about now. That's what his actions showed, anyway…

"Oh, I can't do this," Lucinda said quietly, shaking her head. She put her arms up between them and then parted his away and off of her shoulders. Then she wiped roughly under her eyes, trying to get rid of the itchy tears. "I'm fine, I'm fine," she continued and gave him a weak smile. "I don't even know why I'm so upset. I mean, nothing was technically said about what I did. For all I know, it didn't even happen—"

"It happened," Snape said before he could stop himself.

_Shut up, shut up, shut_ up! He screamed in his head. Oh what a fine thing to say; confirm that she  _did_  kiss him. He could have been through this thing and on with his life in the next few minutes, but instead he was pulling them both deeper into the sinking pit. He could have shrugged it off and feigned ignorance about the whole ordeal. She may have even been relieved about it… but perhaps that's why he couldn't keep his mouth shut.

"I was afraid of that," Lucinda mumbled and finished drying her eyes. Once she was out of his presence, she might start the flood again, but for now she was going to remain strong… or at least try to. "Well, like I said before—I would appreciate it if you'd look the other way on this one…" she continued, talking as if confidence was pouring from her veins, but it came out uncertain, regardless. "I know what I did was out of line, but I-I wasn't in complete control of my actions." She had her eyes glued to her shoes on the floor. "I know you basically told me we weren't friends, but I am  _your_  friend and I just wish you could find it in your heart to forget about this—"

"Enough." He said as gentle as he could muster, given the current situation.

Lucinda looked up at him. He'd taken a step closer to her again and just a moment after that he placed his hands back on her bare shoulders where they'd been. Lucinda's heart sped up, but she said nothing.

"You told me to stop being inconsistent…" he continued and gently dragged his thumbs over the skin they were resting on. "So, I'm stopping."

"What do you mean?" she asked quietly and her breath hitched as his hands slid up from her shoulders to her neck.

He was losing the battle with himself; the battle that started to rage on the night of her arrival at Hogwarts; the night that she found out he was her potions professor and her eyes lit up. He wouldn't admit it, but his heart swelled at the look on her face; the excitement and intelligence behind her eyes (and the kindness they also held). No one had looked at him like that in a very long time…

"I'm not going to lie anymore," he replied and his hands went to either side of her jaw, as he cupped her face.

Lucinda was surprised she could speak at all. He didn't look away from her even for a second. He wasn't blinking. His eyes were locked with hers and, although she knew those lips had been on hers and that it hadn't been his doing, she subconsciously wished he would do it now. "I-In what way have you been—"

"I  _am_  your friend," he said finally and the word sounded strange on his tongue. "And I cannot deny any longer that I do care for you…" He trailed off and gazed at her, looking as if he wanted to say more, but couldn't decide how. "Maybe I'm being too free with my mouth," he continued, eyes turning dark. "But, then again, so were you last night… in more ways than one."

Lucinda's skin turned a deep red under the professor's white hands and her eyes grew wider as she stared at him. She couldn't believe he'd said such a thing… He didn't flinch or bat a lash. If anything, his face seemed to be looming closer to hers.

"I'm sorry—" she tried to choke out, but one of his thumbs slid over her cheek and pressed against her lips.

"Don't apologize," he snapped. "I won't tell anyone, but stop apologizing. You did nothing wrong. If anything, I should have given you the medicine and water and taken you back to your room…" He took his thumb back off of her lips, but dragged it across them in the process and Lucinda shuddered. "But imagining you up there… Finding out that you didn't wake up the next morning…" His voice was actually growing with emotion. Lucinda hadn't heard him speak this way before. Did it really shake him up that much? It wasn't like they were life-long friends. She was just another student. He'd have many more of them after she left Hogwarts at the end of the year… That thought saddened her more than anything. Next year he'd have a whole new group of students. Then the year after that would be the same. Would he find another that loved potions as much as she did; one that would want to push past his hateful words and find a friendship there?

"Stop looking so damned depressed," Snape's irritated voice brought her back to reality. He'd let go of her abruptly and bent down to pick up her high heels.

_That's right_ , she thought.  _I'm still here. There's no point dwelling on things that haven't happened yet._

"Sorry," she mumbled and took the shoes from him. He gave her a look and she added, "What, I can't apologize for  _anything?_ " The slight smile that tugged at the corner of her lips apparently relaxed him. His tensed shoulders seemed to slump back down a little. She fidgeted under his silent gaze, though. "Um, so do you know what time it is?" she muttered, suddenly feeling very exposed in the calmed air, after so much tension.

Her professor moved to the side of the room where a chair sat with what looked like a neatly folded pile of black cloth. "It's eight-thirty," he said, not turning around.

"In the  _morning?_ " Lucinda blurted and immediately started looking around the room for some kind of confirmation. "But—But class starts at  _nine!_ "

Snape turned around and he had the pile of black cloth in his arms. "Yes, that's right.  _My_  class, to be more precise," he said and shoved the pile into her arms. "Here are your robes. Change in the bathroom—you may have time to shower if you believe you need to do so before attending class—" Lucinda's eyes went even wider than before "—and stop it with the looks. Just because you drunkenly grazed my lips doesn't mean I'm going to turn into a spying pervert."  _Though, I might use it for blackmail…_  he thought sinfully to himself.

"I-I would never think s-something like that—" She was stammering like an idiot. He'd actually said it. There was no denying it now and if ever there was any confusion, it was now rightfully cleared up. She'd kissed him and he'd recognized that she'd kissed him. Her face fell into a reddened state once again.

"Hurry up or you won't even have time to walk in alone," he snapped.

"What does that matter?" she asked honestly, feeling more like herself again.

"We can walk in together," he said slowly, his face as calm as the Black Lake. "But there may have been more than a few people who saw me carry you downstairs last night. They might… get the wrong idea."

"Okay!" Lucinda said loudly and stalked off behind the tapestry on the wall, not wanting the conversation to go any further than that. She didn't think her burning face could take the punishment any longer.

Snape smirked at her retreating form, though he had to wipe his face clean of amusement in the next second as her head peeked out from the drapery.

"How did you come by my robes?" she asked, intrigued once more.

Severus narrowed his eyes at her. " _Magic_ ," he said seriously.

She almost laughed, but rolled her eyes instead. Then she disappeared again and three seconds later he heard the bathroom door shut.

* * *

If Gabriel could ever not look like himself, it was definitely that morning in potions that he decided to do just that. When Lucinda walked into class that day, both Gabe and Aurora looked as if they'd seen a ghost. Thankfully, they were one of the first ones there and had a moment to reunite without causing a commotion.

"Good morning," Lucinda smiled cheerfully at them.

"And holy shit, here she is, back from the grave!" Aurora exclaimed and high-fived her friend as she sat beside her.

"I didn't  _die,_ " she replied, though she couldn't help smiling wider at the look on the blonde girl's face.

"Oh, we totally thought you did," Aurora nodded vigorously and then she lowered her voice to a soft whisper. "Snape didn't bring you back and we thought, you know… you might've died or something and he'd wait until this morning to tell us."

Lucinda looked at them incredulously. Gabe was looking back at her like he agreed with Aurora, but he was a little less expressive with his face than she. He also didn't say anything, but that was pretty normal for him.

"You guys, I'm fine," Lucinda pressed and pulled her cauldron out from under her chair and set it on the table. " _Seriously_ , I'm fine. Professor Snape gave me a potion and I feel a lot better now." She continued taking things out of her bag and set them next to her cauldron. When she felt her friends' gazes still on her, she turned and saw that they both had uneasy looks. "What?" Lucinda asked, feeling like there was something she'd missed.

"You didn't get in any trouble?" Aurora whispered fiercely, just as a group of Slytherins entered the room. The girl waited for them to pass before she continued. "Snape just gave you a potion to help you  _feel_  better? And you were gone all night! What happened? Where did he take you? For Merlin's sake, Lucinda, we thought he'd taken you to  _Dumbledore_  or something!"

"What? No," Lucinda scoffed and glanced at the board at the front of the class. Snape had written notes on it (probably sometime during the weekend) and she started to copy them down. "I mean, I don't remember some of the night, to be honest…" Her thoughts flashed to the kiss and then that's all she could think of. Aurora would be mortified if she knew. She'd have to really think about whether or not she should confide in her about it… Knowing Aurora, she'd probably throw up, hearing such a story. Oh god, speaking of that— "You'll probably find it amusing, though, that I  _did_  vomit all over his floor."

"Ugh!" Aurora clamped a hand to her mouth. "You  _did?_ —I never knew you were such a lightweight— wasn't he pissed about it?"

"Actually, no…" Lucinda[CONTINUED](https://www.fanfiction.net/story/story_preview.php?storyid=3981434&chapter=15/#67385568). "He really acted like he could care less about it."

"Man, talk about  _favoritism!_ " Aurora pouted and then she finally swiveled around in her chair to face forward. "I mean, if  _I_  threw up even in the same  _twenty_   _feet_  of him, he'd probably smack me in the[BACK](https://www.fanfiction.net/story/story_preview.php?storyid=3981434&chapter=15/#41472518) of the head and say, 'don't taint the school with your vile things! Clean it up and five points from Gryff—OW!" Aurora cried out. Lucinda turned to look at her. Aurora was clutching at the back of her head. Slowly, yet reluctantly, they both turned to see Snape behind her. His hand was raised in front of him.

" _Ten_  points from Gryffindor, Miss Borealis," Snape said coolly and shook his hand out, then placed it in his robe pocket. "And, although that was a highly delightful interpretation of me, you know the reason for the deduction. I don't think I need to remind you…"

Lucinda could physically see Aurora's throat tense up and then swallow slowly. The fair-haired girl couldn't even speak. She just nodded. Snape then looked at Lucinda. Her face got red instantly and she wished it wouldn't. Was this going to happen every time his eyes were on her now?

"Make sure you eat plenty today," he said simply and then walked away from them to the front of the classroom.

The rest of class went by in silence. Aurora was too terrified to speak and Gabriel only glanced sideways at the two of them a couple of times. He was usually this quiet, but the air about him was different. Instead of his trademark blank expression, he had a distant look etched on his delicate features; like something was troubling him. Lucinda found out just what that was around noon, when they all stopped in the common room to drop off their bags before lunch.

Lucinda stumbled backward into the table by the[WINDOW](https://www.fanfiction.net/story/story_preview.php?storyid=3981434&chapter=15/#34138305) as Gabe threw his arms around her neck in a fierce hug.

"Gabe—"

"I'm sorry…" he whispered into her neck. "The entire thing was my fault. I shouldn't have done it. I'm sorry—" He squeezed her tighter and buried his face deeper into her neckline. A second of silence passed as his chest heaved in a huge breath that expanded against her and then she felt him tremble as the breath was let out.

"Oh,  _Gabriel_ ," Lucinda stuck her bottom lip out and looked at Aurora over the boy's shoulder. "It's okay. It is, I swear."

Aurora simply rolled her eyes. She really was a hard-ass…

"Oh Gabe, stop it!" the Borealis girl said and then turned to her brother who was looking extremely guilty himself. "Clover, please take care of this."

Lucinda patted Gabe's back and then a sulking Clover shuffled over and pulled the boy off of her. "Come on, Gabby…" he mumbled. Gabriel allowed him to lead them up the stairs and to their dormitory room, but not before Lucinda caught a glimpse of the tears running down the boy's face. The two girls watched the boys leave and then they turned to look at each other.

"I'm sorry," they both said at once.

" _You're_  sorry?" Aurora spoke[NEXT](https://www.fanfiction.net/story/story_preview.php?storyid=3981434&chapter=15/#96286933), looking at her friend incredulously. "What have you got to be sorry for? We totally got you  _hammered!_ "

"Yeah, but I acted like an idiot—"

"Lucy," Aurora said seriously and placed a heavy hand on the girl's shoulder. "No one is responsible for their actions when they're drunk. Besides, you didn't act like an idiot. You were just very… excitable. And then sort of… limp." She cringed like she didn't want to say the word.

Lucinda laughed out loud and covered her face with a hand. "Oh gosh, I hope no one reminds me of this later…" she mumbled. "It was bad enough having so many people smile at me in the hallway. How many people did I dance with?"

"Everyone," Aurora waved a hand and then stretched. "I'm surprised Tristin left so early, though and didn't—what? What is it?"

Lucinda was looking at the floor. "No-no it's nothing," she said quietly, chewing her lip. "It's just that I'd forgotten about that 'til now. Earlier in the night I saw Tristin arguing with some girl out in the entrance hall and then he followed her outside… and then he never came back."

Aurora stared at her with a confused expression. Then she looked out the[WINDOW](https://www.fanfiction.net/story/story_preview.php?storyid=3981434&chapter=15/#43791423) over the Morgan girl's shoulder, obviously deep in thought. "Hmm…" she said, looking more wrapped up in her own ponderings than Lucinda had ever seen her. "Hmm…" she said again. "There's something here, Lucy… Did the girl have long, black hair?"

Lucinda's pulse increased. "Yes," she said instantly, wanting to know what Aurora knew.

Aurora put a finger up, as if to silence them both. She opened her beautiful mouth and then finally turned to look at her friend. "I believe what you saw was a family feud, Lucy."

The girl stared[BACK](https://www.fanfiction.net/story/story_preview.php?storyid=3981434&chapter=15/#98476240) at her in awe. "What?" Lucinda asked, feeling even more confused. "I thought Tristin didn't have any siblings."

"No, not a sibling," Aurora whispered, her finger still raised in the air, knowingly. "I believe you saw Amphetia Samael… Tristin's  _cousin_."

 


	16. Here Comes The Cliff

_There's something I've forgotten…_

The look on her face had given him a mixture of emotions. As ghastly as the situation was, he couldn't help the instinctive anger that flared up at the sight of her face. She had kissed  _him_. She had no right to be appalled. And was it really such a bad thing? Sure, he was her teacher, but he should have been the one in shock, not her. To be fair, he was at first, but then it seemed to sink in. Especially after he realized it had, in fact, not been his imagination. You would think something like that would have the complete opposite effect on him. Yes, you would  _think_ that… As it was, he felt very calm. A little troubled, but calm; perhaps even pleased—very, very, deep down… Maybe not even  _that_ deep down…

"Severus, is everything alright?"

Snape turned to see a pair of blue eyes watching him tentatively. He blinked his own dark ones back at them.

"Just fine, Headmaster…" the potions professor replied after a moment of thinking silently. "My mind seems to be… wandering lately."

Albus looked at the man curiously from over his goblet. "Well, go on," the Headmaster said pleasantly and then took a sip from his cup.

Severus looked ahead of him at the tables of students stretched out below. It was the lunch hour and he instantly[ scanned](https://www.fanfiction.net/docs/edit.php?docid=44146041#18943835) the Gryffindor table for  _her_  face. He'd already seen where she sat at the beginning of the meal, but she had since moved spots, so he had to find her again. She'd gone from her usual spot next to the Borealis twins, to the opposite end of the table where the Aberdeen girl was. Then on her way back to her original seat, Xavier Michael had stopped her.

The boy had grabbed her sleeve with a quick hand and leaned toward her, saying something. Lucinda stopped, inclined her ear, trying to hear him better, no doubt. Then after a brief pause, she abruptly plopped down next to him, though she faced in the opposite direction, with her feet in the aisle. She rested her elbows behind her on the table top as she spoke to him. A few minutes passed without much movement on either of their parts and then the girl suddenly threw her head back in a howling laugh. Snape could even hear it from where he sat. Strangely, he didn't feel any jealously. Was he surprised by that now? Oh lord…

"Severus?" Albus spoke again.

Snape turned and looked at him, mentally shaking himself. "Uh, yes—I'm sorry, Headmaster," he cleared his throat and took a sip from his own goblet. "It's nothing of importance. I just… No, it's nothing. My mind has run away with me again."

Dumbledore arched a bushy eyebrow, but said nothing.

Snape moved his food around his plate, not paying much attention to what it even was, hardly seeing it at all. Minerva McGonagall was sitting on his right side, speaking to Hagrid. He only caught a few bits of their entire conversation; words like: "stroll" and "lucky" and "midnight". The rest was blocked out, as he[ continued](https://www.fanfiction.net/docs/edit.php?docid=44146041#66622302) to glance up at the Gryffindor girl and the students she spoke with. Eventually his fist tightened around the fork in his hand as the inevitable happened. Tristin Samael was walking directly to her, just as she was making her way back to her table. Snape clenched his teeth down as Samael stopped the girl in the middle of the aisle and didn't let her pass. For one small moment Snape reached for his wand when the boy put his hands on her shoulders. He only stopped, because Lucinda instantly shrugged out of Samael's grasp. She said something to him; what it was, he didn't know, but it caused a few neighboring students to turn and look at them. Samael's lips moved in a reply and he reached for her again, but she tossed her hand in a dismissive gesture and then stormed right past him. Severus relaxed. She was pissed. Thank the gods.

"You know, Headmaster…" Snape said suddenly and casually pushed his plate away from him "…there  _is_  something I'd like to discuss with you."

"Oh?" Albus perked up and turned his full attention on the potions master.

"Yes," Snape nodded and then looked ahead at Lucinda as she sat down with her friends again. "But not here… May we go to your office?"

The Headmaster smiled, "Of course."

* * *

It had been a very informative day for Lucinda. The biggest shocker of all was the news about the Samael family (or more the shock that there  _was_  one). Aurora didn't know all of the details (because the Samaels seemed to keep their[ personal](https://www.fanfiction.net/docs/edit.php?docid=44146041#19443234) lives to themselves), but what she knew was this: Tristin had three cousins whom attended Hogwarts. Two of them were twins, Gryffindors and seventh years. One of them was a Ravenclaw second year. All three of them were sisters. The shock of the century was that the twins were Lucinda's other two roommates. Once Aurora revealed this bit of information, Lucinda smacked herself in the forehead.

"Of  _course!_ " she exclaimed, rolling her eyes to the common room ceiling. "'Nicalia' and 'Amphetia'—I  _knew_  I'd heard those names somewhere! How is it that I've been sleeping in the same room as them for two months and have only barely met  _one_  of them?"

Aurora explained that one, too. Apparently, Nica and Amph had always been ones to quietly slip off to bed very early every night and then get up before anyone else did in the morning. They were quiet, but not necessarily shy. Nica was straight-faced, unyielding and devoted to her schoolwork. Amph was… a little different. For one, she had green eyes that did not match her sister's blue ones, though the rest of their faces were perfectly identical, right down to their porcelain skin and sleek, black hair. Amphetia was also not as quiet and not as… disciplined as her sister. She even had a tendency to act out. At least, in the last year she'd been slightly rebellious.

When usually in bed by 8 with her sister, Amph had been crawling under her covers well after everyone else had fallen asleep. This was still a mystery to Aurora, however, and Nica rarely spoke of her sister's[ personal](https://www.fanfiction.net/docs/edit.php?docid=44146041#20159566) affairs (as was the family's way). But after the incident at the Ball, it seemed evident that Amph's strange behavior had something to do with her cousin Tristin…

"So, I'm guessing you haven't talked to him yet…"

Lucinda turned to her friend. They were just entering the Great Hall for lunch. Gabe had eventually come back down from his dormitory with Clover, his eyes dry again, but his face unusually set and they all walked in together.

"If you mean Tristin—" Lucinda said, as she sat down at one of the tables "—no, I haven't even seen him yet today." There was actually a part of her that was worried. What if  _no one_  had seen him? Was it possible that something serious could have happened to him?

"Well, he's looking at you," Aurora said from her left.

Lucinda's heart skipped a beat instantly, but she didn't turn around. Well, that settled things. Nothing had happened to him. She felt guilty for being disappointed, but seeing as he was perfectly fine, her resentment[ clouded](https://www.fanfiction.net/docs/edit.php?docid=44146041#32771078) any other emotion she currently felt for him.

"Oh well," Lucinda shrugged and poured a glass of milk for herself.

"Playing the cold-shoulder, eh…?" Aurora nodded at her with a grin. "Nice."

Lucinda shrugged again. Honestly, she was just hurt and didn't know how to react. Ignoring him was the only thing she'd be able to do. Confrontation was difficult. Things never turned out like they should when it came to facing people she cared about…

Lucinda paused with her glass of milk halfway raised to her mouth.

_Do I care about Tristin…?_

She thought about it seriously. She supposed she did. But even so, because of the events that transpired the night before, it wasn't Tristin that had her in a slight panic. It was…

"Snape's looking at you, too," Aurora mumbled through a bite of apple.

This time Lucinda did look, but her professor was just turning his head to speak to Dumbledore at the same moment. Aurora said he'd been looking. She couldn't tell now. But  _why did it matter, anyway?_

The girl sighed and dropped her eyes to stare down the length of the Gryffindor table. Everyone was in a pretty good mood, even though it was a Monday and there was still a whole 4 1/2 more days of classes before the weekend came again. Halloween must have put them all in a chipper state. The only one who didn't look to be in a good mood was Beatrice all the way down at the end of the Gryffindor table, but then again she seemed to always be in a constant state of distress. Suddenly feeling inspired, Lucinda excused herself from her group of friends and padded quickly down the aisle.

"Hi, Beatrice!" she said cheerfully once she was behind the girl. Lucinda was greeted by a[ cloud](https://www.fanfiction.net/docs/edit.php?docid=44146041#3716193) of sparks that erupted in front of her. The Aberdeen girl had been holding her wand in one hand as she took a bite of her sandwich. Having someone come up behind her must have sent a flurry of emotions straight through her and into the wand, thus causing it to spark.

"L-L-Lucy, oh my goodness—" Beatrice stammered and spit her bite of sandwich back on her plate.

"I'm sorry!" Lucinda frowned and instantly regretted bothering the girl.

"It's okay," Beatrice reassured, but Lucinda saw her fingers shake against the wand in her hand. "I-I just didn't see you there."

She only stood and talked for a few more minutes. It was just long enough to find out that Beatrice hadn't gone to the All Hallows Eve Ball (for, Lucinda could not remember seeing her there) and had instead stayed up in the common room and then eventually gone to bed at around nine o'clock. Beatrice didn't have much of a reason for not going; only that she had another one of her "bad feelings" and thought it best to stay away from the loud party.

As Lucinda was making her way back to Aurora and the boys, she was so determined not to look at the Slytherin table that she didn't even notice the Hufflepuff boy that was calling her name. She was forced to stop, however, when his hand grabbed hold of her sleeve.

"Hey!" he cried out at her.

"Sorry, X!" Lucinda cried back, apologizing for the second time in ten minutes.

The freckle-faced boy squinted at her and mumbled something under his breath.

"What was that?" Lucinda tilted her ear toward him.

"I said— _sit down right now, Morgan_ ," the Hufflepuff said through clenched teeth.

Lucinda looked at him with wide eyes. X had the shadow of a smile behind his mask of intensity and the girl's lips began to curl up into a smirk. Once she realized he wasn't actually mad, she sat.

"So," X said after a few moments passed with just the sounds of distant chatter and plates clattering against the table tops. "To what do I owe the pleasure of your company?"

"Um, Xavier…" Lucinda raised a brow at him. "You asked  _me_  to sit down."

"No, I didn't," he scoffed and then took a sip from his cup with his pinky raised. "A dignified man like me would never—"

"Actually, you  _didn't_  ask," Lucinda went on with a cluck from her tongue. "You  _told_  me to. How mean is that—?"

"You're crazy, Morgan," he waved her away with his hand. "Absolutely batty."

Lucinda grabbed his flippant hand and looked at him as seriously as she could. "I will  _bite_  them off,  _Michael_ ," she said with a threatening gaze.

" _Jeeze!_ " X snatched his hand away as quickly as she'd caught it. "You  _are_  a nutter! But all seriousness aside, Lou, I just wanted to see how you were."

" _Lou?_ " the girl questioned and the amusement was back in her voice. "What kind of a nickname is that?"

"It's a fantastic nickname."

"Am I a boy?"

"I sure as hell hope not," Xavier turned wide, terrified eyes on her. "Because you're a boy that looks  _fabulous_  in a dress."

Lucinda tossed her head back and let out a loud chime of laughter. How could Aurora be annoyed by this guy? He was hilarious! And that made her remember something else she hadn't asked about yet.

"Oh, how did it go with Rorie?" she said, lowering her voice. "Did you dance with her? Did she accept?"

"You didn't answer  _my_  question, Lou."

"Are you really going to keep calling me, that?" Lucinda asked, ready to lose her straight-faced composure again.

"Yes I am, Lou," he smiled down at his plate. Then his face turned rather somber and he looked at her. "Seriously, how are you?"

"Oh… Well, I don't know. I'm fine…" she mumbled, getting uncomfortable under his unwavering gaze. "What's with that look you're giving me? Did she dance with you or not? Because if we went through all of those lessons for nothing—"

"No, she didn't," Xavier replied with a bitter smile.

"That bi—"

"Because I never asked her to."

Lucinda looked at the fire-haired boy and her brows drew down. "What?" she said. "Well, why the hell  _not?!_ "

"Hush," he snipped and looked ahead at a group of Hufflepuff boys across the table. They were looking back at him with smirks. "Don't get any funny ideas!" he said, glaring. "She's not my type and nor is she yours."

Lucinda felt her face go red and she kept her back to the table with her feet in the aisle. She kept her lips set in a line so that she didn't laugh, but the corners of her mouth still fought to curl up into a smile.

"Anyway, Lou," X turned back to the girl with an over-exaggerated roll of the eyes. "I was  _going_  to ask her. Honestly. But something else came up and I… Well, I picked a fight with her instead."

" _What_  in the—what would come up?!" she looked at him incredulously. "We were at a Halloween Ball. There was literally nothing else you should have been—"

"They shouldn't have put alcohol in the drinks."

Lucinda felt her heart speed up and she looked back at the boy with shocked eyes that didn't leave his. "You knew about that—"

"I could taste it, Morgan," he said, as if he were having a conversation with a child. "As soon as Snape confirmed that he could taste it, as well, I went—"

"You told  _Snape?_ " Lucinda nearly screeched and she glanced over the boy's shoulder to look at said man, but Professor Snape was looking at his plate (or that's what it looked like). She turned her eyes back on Xavier.

"Well, I didn't exactly go and find him to tell him, it just sort of happened," X shrugged. "We both were getting punch and he asked me about the pumpkins Hagrid grew—you know, making sure he hadn't used magic to make them bigger—and, well, I thought the punch tasted funny. I can't drink alcohol, so the first thing I said was, 'damn, I hope there isn't alcohol in this,' you know, in a joking sort of way and then, of course, Snape confirmed it after he tasted it a bit—"

"Wait a minute, what?" Lucinda cut in. She was going to interrupt at the part about Hagrid, but then she did for a whole different reason. "You can't drink? How come?"

"I made a vow to never drink," he said quickly, as if this was something he'd explained many times in his life and to many people. "So, anyway, I knew you'd been drinking a lot of the punch and I had a pretty good idea who would have put that—"

"Shit!" Lucinda interrupted him with a hiss.

"What the hell is wrong with—"

"No-no-no, shh shhhh!" Lucinda whispered frantically and her whole body went rigid, as she stared at her feet, like there was a ghost behind her that she didn't want to look at. "I'm sorry, X. I just caught someone's eye that I didn't want to and now he's probably going to come over here—"

"What? Who?" Xavier glanced all over the place, turning his head in every direction. "Where is this guy who has you embarrassed? Shall I call him?"

"Oh. My. GOD. Please, stop—" Lucinda glanced nervously over her shoulder. Tristin had been at his spot at the Slytherin table. She'd gone the entire lunch period so far without chancing a glance that way, but being deep in conversation with Xavier, she must have forgotten. Her eyes trailed over the tables and, before she could do anything about it, they landed on a pair of black ones across the room. It only took that split second and she knew he'd seen her look. He wasn't there now, though and that made her panic more. "Oh no, I've got to get back to my table—" Lucinda said in a rush and scrambled up. "I'm sorry, X! Talk more later?"

"U-Uh, yeah I g—"

"Okay 'bye!"

She could make it. She could make it to her table without having to face him. His table was on the other side of the hall. He'd never catch her in time. He'd have to sprint across the whole room to get— _shit_.

 _I don't want to deal with this!_  Lucinda screamed in her head as the Slytherin boy made his way down the aisle. She didn't know how he got to her so fast, but there he was. Aurora was only about ten feet away, but Tristin was already passed her group of friends and almost to her. She tried to look casually around the room. Maybe she could still just walk passed him—

"Lucy," he spoke.

 _Well, there goes that plan,_ she thought bitterly and clenched her fists at her side. He was directly in front of her now and she couldn't pass him if she tried. He was blocking the way.

"Lucy, I'm sorry," he said slowly, without taking his eyes off of her. He spoke as if he thought she might explode.

"Oh, no problem," Lucinda shrugged a little and tried not to look at him as intently as he was doing. He looked exhausted. She fought down the bit of sympathy that started to push at the back of her mind.

"No, you don't understand," he said softly and placed his hands on her shoulders. "It was my fault. You must have felt so terrible when I didn't come back—"

Lucinda felt anger override her brain and she wrenched her shoulders away from him and out of his grasp. His eyes went wide, which looked strange on him (almost like a different person, but she ignored it).

"Don't speak to me like a child," she snapped and regretted it instantly, because some of the students next to them turned to look.

"Lucy…" Tristin said, his voice full of remorse. "I'm not trying to speak to you in any certain way." He reached for her again, but she put a hand up.

"Please, stop," she said quietly. "I need to go finish eating." Then she ducked around him and hurried back to her table, her heart thundering in her chest the whole way.

* * *

The rest of the day passed pretty normally. Lucinda didn't see Tristin in any of the halls (and she didn't have any classes with him to begin with, so that was a plus). After a while, though, she started to feel bad. She still didn't know what happened. He had run after his cousin Amph at The Ball and then never came back. She could ask the girl, but she'd never spoken to her before and that would not be a good way to start their first conversation…

"How is anyone supposed to understand this?"

Lucinda looked up from her Transfiguration book to gaze across the common room table at the silvery-haired girl in front of her. Aurora had her head in her hands, as she stared down at the potions book below her. Lucinda had already finished her potions homework, but Aurora seemed to be stuck on it.

"Here, let me see it," Lucinda said gently and held a hand out across the table.

Aurora pulled the book closer to her and looked sideways at her friend. "I can figure it out," she said with a pout. "Keep working on your own stuff."

"You literally  _just_  asked how anyone was supposed to understand it," Lucinda said and leaned over her own book to grab the one out of her friend's hands. "So, give it here."

"Well, if you insist," Aurora smiled suddenly and let her take it. "I will not complain."

"Yeah, yeah…" Lucinda mumbled and started looking over the work the girl had already done. She only got to the second question, before the portrait hole opened and none other than Professor McGonagall stepped through it. Everyone in the Gryffindor common room looked up and went silent. She didn't come in there very often, so when she did it was usually for a serious reason.

"Lucinda Morgan," her face was unreadable as she called to the girl. "The Headmaster would like to see you. Please, follow me."

Everyone's heads turned in unison to stare at the girl who was now shaking so badly, she didn't think she could stand. Dumbledore wanted to see her? Why? What had she done wrong? Was it about the alcohol? Had someone told? But, then again, maybe Professor Dumbledore already knew about it. Maybe he tasted it in the punch, himself. Professor Snape knew about the alcohol, maybe he told, after all—

Then a terrible thought crossed her mind: Professor Snape—the kiss—oh no… He'd told. He must have told. And once the thought had entered her mind, she couldn't shake it. All the way up to Dumbledore's office, her thoughts wouldn't leave the dreaded memory of her inappropriate actions. She felt like she was walking to her death. Snape said he wouldn't tell. He reassured her many times, but maybe it was all just for show. Maybe she honestly freaked him out enough to want her away from him and out of the school…

Professor McGonagall left her at the bottom of the steps to the Headmaster's office (after she'd spoken the password to open the door to the spiral staircase) and now Lucinda stood by herself, just outside Dumbledore's room, after having walked up those steps at an alarmingly slow rate. There was no sound coming from inside, except the faint ticking of perhaps a few clocks or something. For some reason, this calmed her a bit. Maybe no one was in there. Slowly, she raised her fist to the door and knocked. More silence ensued after, but just when Lucinda thought she might be home free, a pleasant voice called from the other side of the door.

"You may enter," said the voice.

Lucinda felt her stomach twist, but she did as she was told and opened the door. The first thing she laid her eyes on was not Dumbledore behind his desk, nor the strangely round room that made up his office,  _nor_  the interesting little things he had lining every shelf and on every surface. It was the pair of dark eyes that locked with hers as she stepped into the glow of the room.

"Good evening, Miss Morgan," Dumbledore said somewhere in front of her, but she did not speak. Her eyes were on the man sitting next to the fireplace and he looked back at her with an equally intense regard. "Professor Snape here was just telling me something rather interesting that happened..." the Headmaster continued. "Please, have a seat."

All of the blood left the girl's face and it took everything she had not to collapse right then and there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shit is about to get real. Have I already said that before? Well, anyway, I hope you enjoyed chapter 16. And if not, well damn, sorry. And if you haven't read it at all, you probably won't see this and so I have no regret in telling you you're a twat. So are you looking forward to chapter 17? No? Maybe I won't write it then… :) But we'll see.


	17. The Meeting Of HUH?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait! Just kidding. I realize I just update this, but I already had this chapter done. Haha. So oh well and enjoy! I did not proof read this. You have been WARNED.

Lucinda gripped the arm rests of her chair in a slow-developing panic. Her hands slid against the wood as her palms started to sweat. She was pretty certain her forehead was also shining with perspiration, but she hoped that neither Professor Snape nor Professor Dumbledore could notice. It would have been wise of her to be calmer and not act so nervous (in case she wasn't in trouble), but she couldn't[ help](https://www.fanfiction.net/docs/edit.php?docid=44155068#97081782) it. Although, for all she knew, this might not have been about the kiss. There could be a number of reasons why Dumbledore would call her to his office. She couldn't  _think_  of any right now (any that didn't result in her suspension or expulsion from the school), but maybe the Headmaster wanted to discuss her grades or… or something regarding the like.

 _If it wasn't for the fact that_ he _is also here…_  she thought and her eyes shifted from the Headmaster's smiling face to the silent potions teacher still sitting by the fireplace. They both stared[ back](https://www.fanfiction.net/docs/edit.php?docid=44155068#91871252) at her.

The fact that Snape was there confirmed every fear she could have: she was in trouble; regardless if it was for the kiss, the alcohol, spending the night in a professor's sleeping quarters (his  _bed,_  to be more precise), smashing a glass of water in said professor's office, or just being an all-around bitch to him at times. Snape could have told the Headmaster about any of these things. Either way, she knew she was screwed.

"Miss Morgan, do you know why I called you up here, this evening?"

Lucinda shifted her eyes again to steady themselves back on professor Dumbledore, but her head stayed still. She breathed as slowly as she could, hoping that when she spoke, her voice would be clear and calm. She swallowed once and couldn't help another quick glance at the dark-haired man to her right, before finally looking into the Headmaster's blue eyes.

"Well… no," she replied and was relieved that her voice didn't shake. Still, she felt that Dumbledore could see right through her, straight into her mind; that he could feel the blood pumping violently through her body and see the veins in her neck and wrists pulsating with terror. She took another deep breath and tried to look as if she was pleasantly curious, but it was a 50-50 shot at what her face  _really_  looked like. "Am… Am I in some kind of trouble?" she asked and her voice shook slightly this time, much to her further distress.

"Of course not," Dumbledore said gently and Lucinda felt she believed him for a moment. "However, I must tell you—before I go on—that I had to inform your parents about what happened."

Once again, the girl tried to remain calm, but that sentence put her over the edge. Her eyes flashed back to Snape again, accusing him mentally, hoping he'd give her some kind of[ confirmation](https://www.fanfiction.net/docs/edit.php?docid=44155068#67158542) that he did,  _in fact_ , rat-her-the-fuck-out. He watched her eyes grow wider with a mixture of anger and fear and suddenly something must have clicked in his brain. His intense stare suddenly faltered and he, too, looked a little perturbed. He sent her back a slightly wide-eyed look and a subtle shake of the head. Lucinda relaxed a little, but she was still terrified. Okay, so obviously he was telling her not to mention anything she shouldn't… But her parents had been informed… informed…

Informed about  _what?_

"Professor, what exactly are we talking about?" she asked, unable to keep all of the exasperation out of her voice. "I… I wasn't aware that anything had  _happened_."

"It wasn't her fault," Snape suddenly spoke up, though he did it quietly and finally took his eyes off of her to look over at his superior. "It was mine. Please, keep that in mind, Headmaster."

If she had been calmed down even in the slightest before, she now skipped over nervous and went right on to the verge of delirium. He'd given her a look like there was nothing to be worried about, but then he goes and says something like that.

_It wasn't her fault. It was mine._

Did he know how bad that sounded? She couldn't trust his expressions. There was only  _one thing_  they could be talking about at this point if it involved her potions professor. Snape was claiming fault in something that happened. It was serious enough that they'd  _owled her parents_ … It was definitely the kiss and the drunken sleep-over that occurred…

"No one is necessarily at fault, Severus," Dumbledore replied gently again, sensing the strong tension in the room. "I was not blaming the girl."

Why would he take the heat for her, anyway? There wasn't much talking your way out of something like this. She's the one who[ continued](https://www.fanfiction.net/docs/edit.php?docid=44155068#45825616) to drink the night before and then make a fool out of herself. She was the one who… who kissed him. It was her fault. To think otherwise would be stupid and pitying, and pity is  _not_  what she wanted from Severus Snape. She wanted to be held responsible for her own actions.

Lucinda gave a long sigh and cast her eyes down. This was it. Oh well. Being a Hogwarts student was nice while it lasted…

"Well…" Lucinda said suddenly in a defeated tone, shaking her head as she stared at her lap. "I think I can probably guess what this is about."

Snape shot her a look, but she didn't see it.

"I thought this would just be forgotten about, but…" she paused to swallow, as her throat had just gotten very tight, "but I guess I was falsely lead to believe that something this big could be swept under the rug—"

"Miss Morgan," came Snape's voice, in what he attempted to be as natural as he could. However, he didn't seem to know what to say after that and trailed off.

The girl looked up at the two men. Snape's eyes  _were_  wide now, mentally screaming at her to SHUT THE HELL UP, but she ignored him and kept her eyes on Dumbledore instead.

"I'm sorry, Headmaster," she said dejectedly and hoped he could see the sincerity in her eyes. "I know that I did something very wrong… But you have to understand that I was not in my right mind. I-I hardly even remember it. Professor Snape said that he wouldn't tell anyone—"

"MISS MORGAN," Snape said loudly.

Lucinda stopped talking instantly. There was a sense of urgency in his voice, even though it was subtle. Her eyes bore into him and Snape could see the situation overwhelming her. "You need to understand something." He[ continued](https://www.fanfiction.net/docs/edit.php?docid=44155068#70118143), and glanced at Dumbledore. "I had to tell the Headmaster. After all, he had to approve of me switching the grades."

Lucinda had started to open her mouth to protest halfway through, but his last sentence made her close it again. She stared[ back](https://www.fanfiction.net/docs/edit.php?docid=44155068#77356494) at her professor and saw him very subtly close his left eye in an unmistakable wink. She never even thought it possible for him to make such an out-of-character gesture.

"And he needed to know that someone had endangered the lives of my students—" Snape[ continued](https://www.fanfiction.net/docs/edit.php?docid=44155068#44953309), his face drawing back into its calmed state, "—when they slipped Dagala into my classroom."

The shock was evident on her face. Obviously, this was not what she had first anticipated happening. Luckily, Dumbledore took it a different way and stared back at her with what was probably a shade of pity.

"You must not blame yourself, Miss Morgan," said Dumbledore. "I truly am sorry for contacting your parents, but it was only a precautionary measure. Every parent has a right to know if their child has been in danger, even if the end result was not fatal or even just slightly so."

For the first time since Lucinda[ entered](https://www.fanfiction.net/docs/edit.php?docid=44155068#36639371) Dumbledore's office, her thoughts were wiped clean of everything pertaining to the kiss, the alcohol and her potions professor. Instead, she had a whole new reason to panic: she was an only child. She wasn't sure whether or not these two men had any siblings or if they knew exactly what it was that now had her mind in paralysis. If possible, her face drained of even more color; so much that it went from white to a sickening ash.

"You… you told my parents…" Lucinda spoke faintly. "You told them… I had been in danger…"

"It's alright, Miss Morgan," Dumbledore said in that same gentle tone. "I was very clear that, if not for your quick hand, half the classroom could have been blown to smithereens."

Lucinda groaned and brought her hands to her forehead. "Oh no, please tell me you didn't word it like that."

She couldn't be sure, but she thought she heard him chuckle. "No, not exactly like that," Dumbledore said with a smile in his voice. "But please… Don't worry, Lucinda. Your parents will understand."

The Gryffindor girl looked up at him with miserable eyes. "I can't[ help](https://www.fanfiction.net/docs/edit.php?docid=44155068#96486458) but worry," she said, shaking her head. "My parents are very over-protective. They'll want to know  _exactly_ how and why I came to be in danger and they'll want  _names._ "

"If they really won't see to reason, we will explain that we have some leads on who might have caused this situation in the first place," Snape put in.

Lucinda looked at him sadly. "Thank you, professor, but I can't imagine you guys have any idea who it could have been."

Dumbledore and Snape looked at each other and then back at her. "Well, actually," the Headmaster said brightly. "Severus has told me that you've been spending a lot of time with one of his students… Tristin Samael?"

Lucinda's eye twitched at the name and she fought back the urge to growl in frustration. Of course he would.  _Of course_  he would do this. When was he  _not_  blaming Tristin for ridiculous things? But why did he have to take it this far?! I mean, really,  _Tristin—_ the one behind the Dagala incident? Lucinda couldn't help it. She shot her professor a vile glare.

He smirked back at her and she decided that this look on him was much more out of character than the wink…

* * *

"You could have  _warned_  me about this meeting."

"I didn't want you to have time to think of an excuse for the boy."

"Like I even could," she snapped, walking quickly ahead of him (he caught up with her easily). "And may I ask why you would try to accuse him of something so terrible?"

"Why such a defensive tone, Gryffindor Girl?" he snapped back, though there was bitter amusement in his voice. "He leaves you to rot at the dance and, still, you're sticking up for him?"

Lucinda whipped around to face him. "That is  _none_  of your business," she spat.

He almost ran into her, but his reflexes had always been quite excellent and he managed to screech his feet to a halt just inches from her own. "Which part is none of my business?" he sneered. "That someone ditched you or that you've chosen to forgive him so quickly?"

"I haven't forgiven him!"

Snape's eyebrows drew up in surprise. "Oh?" he said sarcastically.

"No… Maybe…" she said, almost to herself, and wrung her hands in front of her. "I don't know. I didn't give him a chance to explain himself."

"Good," her teacher said curtly and then put a hand on her lower back and led her down the dark corridor.

She was surprised at herself. She didn't even flinch or move away from the guiding hand. "You don't have to take me all the way there," she said nervously, though she continued to walk with him and allow his hand to stay where it was.

"Are you kidding me?" he scoffed. "Yes, I'll just let you go by yourself when it's clear that  _someone_  has the intent to harm you— _severely,_ might I add."

"Right, right…" she said mostly to herself again. "I just wish my parents hadn't been told…"

"You were not injured, although it's obvious that you  _could_  have been," he replied, as they rounded a corner. "I'm sure you're worrying for nothing—"

"You don't know my parents," she said mournfully. "They're going to go nuts. If you were an only child, you'd understand. I am their one and only chance to do right as parents—"

"I  _am_  an only child."

Lucinda stopped just in front of the staircase that led to Gryffindor Tower and looked up at him. "I didn't know that," she raised her eyebrows in interest. "Were your parents over-protective, as well?"

Snape looked back at her pleasant expression and his lips pressed together in a thin line. "Not exactly," he said stiffly.

Lucinda's brows drew down. "Are you okay—"

"Accompany me this weekend."

She wasn't sure whether or not he was just trying to deflect the conversation away from his personal life or what, but she took the bait anyway (mostly because it caught her off-guard). "To where?" she asked after a beat.

"Hogsmeade," he replied and then walked up the stairs past her.

"But it's not a weekend for students to go—"

"I am aware of that," he cut her off as he turned around, only to find that she was still standing at the bottom of the steps. "I need to reacquire your ingredient."

Lucinda looked up at him, puzzled for a moment. Then realization dawned on her face. "What did you do with my Kudu sap?" she asked quickly and marched up the steps to him.

"I lost it," he said in a matter-of-fact tone, as if he lost dangerous ingredients all of the time.

The girl opened and closed her mouth several times before she finally settled on, "Do you know how expensive that stuff is?!"

"I am  _aware_ ," he growled back and finished his ascent on the staircase. "It is  _I_ , after all, who paid for it."

"Exactly!" she said disbelieving, trailing after him. "You would think all the more reason to be careful with it!"

"Are you coming with me, or not?" he barked.

Lucinda fell silent and thought about it, not that she needed to. It was an easy decision to make. She needed the sap for her experiment and she wasn't going to pass up an opportunity to go to Hogsmeade… especially with the one person she'd like to spend more time with (Merlin knows  _why_ ). She was going to say 'yes', but then another thought struck her.

"If we have designated dates for going to the village, then how am I supposed to accompany you?"

Snape looked at her blankly. "I'm a professor," he said. "You have my permission, as long as it's me who goes with you."

"But technically  _you_  don't need  _me_  to go…" she trailed off, looking at him curiously.

"Technically, no," he said a little tightly.

"So, why ask me to go with you? You don't need  _my_  permission—" Then she stopped short and rolled her eyes at herself. "—oh, duh—I need to pay for it."

"I had no intention of allowing you to pay."

She stared at him. They were standing just outside the entrance to Gryffindor Tower. The portrait of the Fat Lady had already asked for the password, but Lucinda ignored her. "Then… why take me with?" she asked again.

Snape let his eyes travel over her face before answering. "I am  _going_  to pay for it," he paused and watched her a moment longer. "But I thought you might like to come along. After all, it is your ingredient. You should get to over-see the transaction, unless you would like to decline. Either way, I'll go get it and we can start the experiment whenever you have time or are inclined to do so."

Lucinda stayed quiet for a few long seconds. He was being very nice to her (albeit, he was snapping on her just a few minutes ago). She wondered, briefly, if he might have some kind of ulterior motive, but that led her to remember his tenderness from the night before. His attitude towards her was starting to change, besides the fact that he actually admitted that he cared about her…

Once again, she was going to answer, but the Fat Lady was now irritated and let out a large huff at her. "Are you going to give me the password or  _not?_ " she fumed, crossing her plump arms.

"Alright, already!" Lucinda rolled her eyes. "Mandragora." The portrait swung forward and Snape could see inside to the darkened common room. "Well, I better go get some sleep," she mumbled and stepped to the opening. She paused with her hand on the portrait's frame and looked back at him. "I'll go," she smiled. "Thank you for inviting me… Goodnight, professor." Then she climbed through and a few seconds later Snape was staring back at the Fat Lady again.

He stood there ten more seconds too long, because the portrait let out another resentful huff.

"Aren't you the  _Slytherin_  Head of House?" she questioned annoyingly.

Snape glared at her and then turned back toward the staircase to head down to the dungeons.

"Piss off," he called over his shoulder.

* * *

The next day went by without an incident. Lucinda expected to get a Howler from her parents that very next morning at breakfast, or at least a concerned (if not angry) letter telling her to stop trying to get herself killed, but no such thing ever arrived in the post. She was relieved, of course, but it  _was_  peculiar. There was a time when they didn't even let her stay out in the yard past dark and that was only three years ago. Not hearing from them the first day was one thing, but when two more days past without a word, things seemed a bit off. They either never got the message, something terrible happened to them, or they simply weren't concerned. Lucinda  _highly_  doubted it was the latter.

"So, how long are you going to punish him?"

Lucinda looked up from her bowl of porridge to stare across the table at her friend. "What do you mean?"

Aurora looked pointedly over the girl's shoulder. " _Tristin_ ," she emphasized with a nod in the direction of their topic of discussion. "You still haven't spoken to him, have you?"

Lucinda gave a helpless shrug. "No…" she admitted, sulkily, "but not because I don't want to… He hasn't spoken to  _me_. It's like he tried to explain things the first day and since then he won't even  _look_  at me."

"You did snub him pretty hard, Morgan," Aurora looked at her with careless vexation. "He probably wants to let you cool off before he tries again."

"Yeah, I guess," she replied and glanced over her shoulder, not caring whether or not he caught her looking this time. Tristin wasn't looking at her, though; he was in conversation with another Slytherin student.

"Not to mention, there's a good chance he's been talked to about that little incident in Potions…" Aurora spoke again.

Lucinda unglued her eyes from the Slytherin table to look at her friend doubtfully. "You  _can't_ be serious."

"Well, I mean, you  _did_ say that Snape told Dumbledore that Tristin did it."

"He did  _not_ ," Lucinda defended, splaying a palm to the Great Hall ceiling. "I mean—professor Snape did not say that. He merely  _suggested_  that Tristin did it—which he  _didn't_ , by the way. And he only said it, because he hates Tristin and wants to get him into trouble any chance that he can."

"Yes," Aurora said seriously. "But that still means that Tristin has been accused of it and you can bet that he isn't in any big hurry to be seen with you now. For all he knows,  _you_  think it was him. I wouldn't want to face you, either."

Lucinda glanced behind her again. "Do you really think he feels that way…?" she said with a frown. The boy in question was still talking amongst his Slytherin comrades, paying no attention to the two Gryffindors who were staring at him across the hall.

"Well," Lucinda turned back around with a sigh. "Maybe  _I_  should be the one to talk to him. I still haven't found out what happened at the dance. You'd think I'd know by now, but no one else saw anything. Well… I have a good idea who did, but I don't want to talk to her. I don't even  _know_  her."

"Amph is a Gryffindor, Lucy," Aurora gave a weak smile. "She's one of us. Don't be afraid to just ask her straight out."

Lucinda shook her head and shoveled more porridge into her mouth, making it impossible to respond.

"Fine," the blonde girl clucked. "You have to talk to him then. I know you both have a free period this afternoon around two o'clock. Tell him to meet you somewhere to talk."

"This all sounds way too serious," Lucinda moaned.

Aurora laughed in response. "You sure don't like making waves, do you?"

Lucinda shook her head again. A few minutes passed in chewing silence and she spoke again after taking a sip of juice. "Where are the boys at?"

Aurora shook her head this time. "Over-sleeping, like usual. You'd think they'd be energetic on a Friday…"

* * *

Breakfast was nearly over by the time Clover and Gabe were on their way down to the Great Hall. Gabriel wasn't in as much of a rush, although he had to just about run to keep up with his boyfriend's long, hurried strides.

"Come on, Gabby, come  _on!_ " Clover whined as they flew down the last few staircases leading into the entrance hall.

"I don't know why you're worried," Gabriel spoke clearly, without needed to gasp for breath. "Your sister always brings you something when you miss breakfast."

"She'll bring me yucky things."

They hopped over the last few steps onto the landing before the last staircase.

"You shouldn't complain," Gabe said and they both hopped again, landing at the bottom of the marble staircase. "If you want something different, you should get up earlier."

They both stood in the entrance hall then to catch their breath (or more so that Clover could catch his, but Gabriel at least inhaled deeply a few times so that his companion didn't feel bad).

"You didn't… get up either…" Clover gasped and leaned on the boy's shoulder. "Come on, we still have to hurry."

They'd been standing just outside of the Great Hall. Clover had his back to the hall, facing the marble staircase and neither of them was really paying attention to someone who'd just walked through the front doors. Gabe saw them as they walked closer, but Clover was oblivious. That's why when he turned around at a sprint (intending to go into the Great Hall), he was startled to find that he'd smacked right into someone behind him.

"I'm sorry!" he cried, as the person he'd run into was now on the floor. He saw the dark, wavy hair and gasped. "Oh, Lucy! I didn't realize it was you!"

Gabriel stayed silent and looked, not at the girl on the floor, but at the man standing behind her. He was shorter than Clover, but taller than Gabe, relatively slim and had thick, brown hair on his head and cheeks. The man stooped over the girl instantly to help her up.

"Darling, please don't get trampled by students," he said with a sigh. "We've only just got here."

"Silly me," she mumbled and suddenly Clover knew it wasn't Lucinda. This was a woman (well, an older woman), by the sound of her voice. He saw now that she had a dark, red cloak on and the man standing behind her had on a dark, blue one. They had both just come in from outside; the two boys could smell the cold air on them.

"I am so sorry," Clover apologized again, stepping up to the lady after she'd been helped up. "I wasn't looking where I was going."

Again, Gabriel stayed silent and simply observed the couple in front of him. Something was about to happen. He could feel it. He'd never seen these two before. They couldn't be teachers, so there had to be a reason for them suddenly showing up, whoever they were. There was also a familiarity about this man and woman and he couldn't shake the eerie feeling away. Still, his face stayed calm and blank, but his eyes shifted back and forth, watching them.

The woman looked up at Clover and smiled warmly. "That's alright. I should know better than to pass behind a teenage boy. They've got too much new-found testosterone pumping through their veins, impulsively letting it out every chance they get." She laughed a lovely laugh that made the two boys smile reflexively. Gabe was surprised she brought it out of him so easily.

"Is there somewhere we need to take you?" Clover asked, eyeing the woman's face curiously. She seemed very familiar. He thought maybe he'd even seen her somewhere before. "Breakfast is just about over, so if you're looking for the Headmaster, he should be in there." He pointed toward the Great Hall.

"Ah, well—" the woman turned and looked at the closed doors, "—that's not  _exactly_  who we're looking for, but it's a start. There's a good chance our daughter is in there, anyway—"

She stopped talking, as the Great Hall doors had just opened a crack and the muffled sound of many student voices met their ears. They watched as a slender hand slid slowly through the opening and then wrapped around the doorframe. Whoever it was, was hesitating.

"I don't want them to go hungry all morning, Rorie." It was Lucinda's voice. She had come to the door, but then stopped and looked behind her at Aurora. The door was now open enough that they could see into the Great Hall and the back of that head was unmistakably little Lucy's. "No—Clover is not going to eat that. He hates plain toast," she continued to speak with her head turned to the side, not seeing the four people directly in front of her. "I can't believe that's all you would take to him. How mean of a sister are you—oh, whatever. I'm taking them  _good_  things to eat!" She finished this sentence as she turned around, walking the rest of the way through the doors, but then her feet screeched to a halt at the scene.

Clover jumped a foot as the sound of breaking glass echoed through the entrance hall and eggs and sausage were splattered all over the floor, along with orange juice and milk, which was quickly spreading about their feet. Lucinda had been balancing two plates of food in one hand (the glasses of juice and milk centered on each plate), but she quickly dropped all of it the moment she set eyes on the man and woman in front of her.

"Mother… Father…" she glanced quickly between the two of them. "What are you doing here?"

Clover's eyes went wide and Gabe closed his with a sigh.  _Of course_ , he thought.  _Lucy's parents… They're Lucy's parents._

"Sorry it took us so long to get here," Judi Morgan laughed in embarrassment. "Your father couldn't get work off 'til now…" She paused and smiled. "We've come to take you home."


	18. Out Of The Closet and Back In Again

It was a good thing Lucinda couldn't see anything. She wouldn't have been able to sit there like she did, had she seen the things currently crawling above her head. She wasn't exactly afraid of spiders, not to the point where she needed to call for someone to kill one (she could do that herself, though she tried desperately not to), but anyone would have at least a little bit of a problem with one crawling  _on_  them.

When she felt a tickle on her arm in the dark, she quickly swiped a hand over the spot and the tickle was gone. She had her wand on her. She could have easily said "lumos" and brightened her surroundings with a little light… but she didn't. It was too risky. The light would draw attention. Lucinda ignored the spider that was probably trying to crawl back up her and hugged her knees closer to her chest. It was cold and she shivered. The cobbled stone under her butt was a little damp and that made her even colder. It was quiet and still. Lucinda could only see one sliver of yellow light in the abyss of black around her and that was at her feet. Every once in a while the yellow strip would blink out of existence, but then, less than a second later, it was back. It happened every time someone walked by on the other side of the door. She held her breath on each occasion, until the footsteps faded away again.

She hadn't meant to hide. A panic like she never knew had brought her here to this broom cupboard. She'd had words with her mother; not very many of them, but it was enough to make her run. Her parents hadn't been angry with her. They said no biting words. They spoke calmly, but it was the context of their words that hurt her so deeply. They had come to take her home. Legally, the decision was  _hers_. She was of age in the eyes of the Ministry and did not have to go with them…  _However…_

Lucinda gripped her shins harder and pressed her forehead so forcibly into her knees that stars burst behind her eyelids.

_If I disobey them about this… they may never forgive me. They came all this way for me…_

Her father had taken off work to be there. They had no other children to fall back on. Yes, she was seventeen years old and an adult in the eyes of the law, but she was all her parents had. She didn't want them to be angry with her…

 _But…_  she thought mournfully and slid her hands up her legs to wrap them around her head tightly.  _I'm angry, too… How could they do this to me? I thought it was bad enough that they kept me from coming here my entire life, but taking me away now… after I've already had a taste of this place…_

It was worse. She'd made friends. She couldn't just leave. If she left now, her heart would surely split in two and half of it would always stay at Hogwarts.

_We made a mistake. We never should have let you come to this place._

Those were her mother's words and they cut deeper than any had ever been spoken to her. Lucinda pressed her palms to her ears, trying to force the thoughts away and choked back a sob at the same time. With her eyes closed and her ears blocked of sound, she couldn't notice that the little sliver of light at her feet had gone out completely.

* * *

He watched her stand up to leave. His eyes lingered on her retreating form. Breakfast wasn't over yet, but she'd piled food on two plates and headed to the doors with them. Snape couldn't help but smirk. She was a good girl to take someone else breakfast, as that was no doubt what she was doing. He was going to turn back to his own breakfast when he caught sight of the people just outside of the Great Hall. He saw them as Lucinda opened the doors. It didn't take long to realize something was wrong, because the girl dropped everything she was holding the moment she laid eyes on them. He only saw the woman in front of her smile and then the doors swung closed again and all of them were out of sight.

Then he was nervous. He couldn't see what was going on, on the other side of those doors, but Lucinda's reaction had been unsettling. It was possible she really was just startled, but if she wasn't—if there was something wrong… He could only sit there for a few more seconds and then his curiosity got the best of him. He excused himself from Professor Dumbledore's side and walked quickly through the tables of students. He had tunnel vision, as he tried desperately to see through the thick, oak doors to the people just on the other side of them (or so he hoped they were still just on the other side). There was something about the woman that he saw that was troubling him…

A few seconds later, he burst through the doors.

"—do this to me!"

The first thing he was met with was the disheartening cry of his student. Lucinda had not moved very far away from the Great Hall, so Snape had gently bumped into her back as he came through the doors. She didn't move, even though she did feel a presence there. She was too caught up in the situation in front of her.

"You already deprived me of the first six years here—you can't take me away  _now!_ "

"Darling, please understand. We have only your best interest at heart, here." A man spoke just in front of them.

"Papa, it was nothing. It was  _nothing_ ," Lucinda pleaded and Severus couldn't stop himself and placed a hand on her shoulder for comfort at the sound of distress in her voice. "Look at me. I'm fine. I'm not hurt."

"Yes, but you  _could_  have been hurt," the woman said with a forced smile (she looked so much like Lucinda that Snape knew instantly that these were her parents). "We don't want to wait for something like this to happen again. We're taking you home before anything else can occur."

"Then why let me come here?!" Lucinda cried. "If you were just going to take me away, why did you let me go?!"

"We made a mistake," her mother replied calmly. "We never should have let you come to this place."

Lucinda knit her brow. Her mother spoke as if Hogwarts was a terrible place. She was going to reply, but at that moment her professor squeezed her shoulder tightly and she finally noticed him there. She turned her head and looked up at him, but he was staring at her parents. She was greeted by a small surge of relief at his touch, even if it would be short-lived.

"Surely…" Snape spoke finally and Judi Morgan took her eyes off of her daughter to stare at the man who had a hand on her, "…there is a better way to speak to her about this. For instance, in the Headmaster's office… not in the middle of the hall where there are other ears listening who should not be." His eyes flashed to the two boys still standing off to the side quietly.

"Hey, we didn't mean to listen!" Clover sputtered, looking too shocked to say much more than that. Gabriel stood in silence, as usual, but his thin eyebrows were drawn down in concern.

"Who are  _you_?" Mrs. Morgan spoke and her tone made Lucinda fasten her eyes back on her again. She was looking at the man behind her.

"Professor Severus Snape," he spoke and his eyes were cold, as Lucinda shifted her gaze back and forth between him and her mother, "Your daughter's Potions Professor… and friend."

Lucinda subconsciously leaned back into him. She knew Clover and Gabriel were watching and how bizarre this must look to them; especially hearing Snape call her a friend. If she wasn't so torn up about what was about to happen, though, she might have been happy. Being as it was, her parents were taking her home and a friendship with Professor Snape didn't matter anymore…

"So,  _you_ are the professor that let this happen to her," Mrs. Morgan said angrily and Lucinda stared back at her in astonishment. "This was entirely your fault!" Her mother had never sounded this way before. What was more, this wasn't professor Snape's fault. How could she say that without knowing the situation or knowing anything about Snape, himself?

"Mother—" Lucinda began, but was cut off.

"I don't doubt that it was absolutely my fault," Snape said and Lucinda closed her mouth again, shocked to silence. His grip on her shoulder tightened more. "Nothing has gotten past me before and nothing ever will again. I won't allow it."

"But it did," Mrs. Morgan laughed bitterly. She was a small woman, but her anger seemed to be filling the hall and her husband stood just behind her looking slightly uncomfortable. "You can't tell me that it won't happen again. Can you see the future? Can you  _guarantee_ nothing else will happen again?"

"Can you?" Snape spat and he dropped his hand from the girl's shoulder and stepped in front of her. "Even if you take her from here, can  _you_  see into the future and guarantee her safety?"

Snape saw the flicker of something in the woman's eyes then. He couldn't decipher it. She hid it well. Mr. Morgan, however, was not so careful with his expressions. Snape saw his brown eyes widen as he stared at the back of his wife's head.

"That is no concern of yours, professor," Judi Morgan glared at the Potions Master. "She is  _my_  daughter."

"And she is my student," Snape's voice shook with anger, "my  _best_  student… and it is not up to you whether she goes or stays."

"It is absolutely up to me!"

"There's no way you have even the slightest clue what's best for her—not judging by what you've already done to her."

Mrs. Morgan drew back from the man an inch or two, but he continued.

"Do you know that she reminds anyone who will listen how happy and how grateful she is that she's finally at this school? You kept her from coming here for what I can only discern to be an idiotic reason, let her dip her toes in the pool of her peers and then completely rip her from existence here!"

Judi Morgan's face was red with anger. "How  _dare_  –!" she started, but their argument was interrupted by the Borealis boy.

"Guys!" Clover exclaimed over them. They all turned to look at him. "I-I don't mean to get involved with this or anything, but Lucy just took off."

Snape looked behind him where Lucinda was no longer standing and immediately started after the boy. "Why didn't you  _stop_  her?!" he yelled.

"Wha—I didn't want to interfere—"

"Idiot," Snape mumbled and looked around at the hall, as if she would just be standing in a corner. "Which way did she go?"

Clover seemed reluctant to answer. He glanced nervously back and forth between the livid teacher and the concerned parents. "She…" he said, finally settling on relieving some of the worry from Lucy's mother. "She went through there…" He pointed to a door to the side of the main staircase. It was the door that led down to the dungeons.

* * *

By the time Lucinda realized someone was standing on the other side of the door, it was too late. She slowly raised her head, just as the door opened and torchlight flooded into the broom cupboard. She still had her hands covering her ears and, much to the man's distress who was staring down at her, there were a few tears that had fallen from her eyes and wetted her flushed cheeks.

"Found you…" Professor Snape said softly.

Lucinda looked back at him pathetically; silently thankful it was just her professor. "Is anyone else with you…?" she asked quietly, dropping one hand from her ear and resting it on the top of her knees.

Snape shook his head. "No," he replied and crouched down so that they were at eye-level. "We split up to look for you. However, they'll probably be here in just a few minutes."

Lucinda groaned and slid the other hand from her ear to her eyes, cupping her forehead with her palm. She closed her eyes a moment and whispered, "How did you find me?"

"I had a feeling you might have gone to my office…" he spoke after a minute. He brought a hand up to her face and dragged a thumb under one of her eyes, wiping away the moisture there. "When I didn't find you, I thought you might have changed your route at the last minute, if you feared we would look for you there… So, I opened this door, because it was the next one down and here you are."

Lucinda opened her eyes and locked them with his. He was looking at her attentively and his hand was still on her cheek. He subconsciously moved his thumb over her skin again as she stared at him.

"I don't want to leave," Lucinda whispered after the silence stretched between them.

"You don't have to," he replied and his voice was a touch harsher. "They can't make you go with them."

"I don't want them to be mad at me."

"To hell with that," he snapped and then dropped his hand from her face. "They can't make you leave and they can't make you feel guilty about it, either. I won't let them."

"What can you do?" Lucinda rested her chin in her hand and looked at him helplessly. "This decision is mine, professor."

"Exactly," he said, folding his hands together as he rested his elbows on his knees. "As much as I think you should stay, the choice is yours and yours alone. I guess there's nothing I can do that you can't do yourself… But…"

When he didn't say anything after that, she looked at him a moment longer and then dropped her gaze. It would be so much easier if the decision didn't hurt someone else… Even though disappointing her parents use to be the absolute worst thing she could experience, something else had taken that title, as of late… and it was missing the man that was crouched in front of her. He must have seen the confliction in her expression, because he suddenly dropped forward onto his knees to lean closer to her, the action making her focus on his face again.

He paused, making sure that he had ahold of her gaze. Then he spoke, "I can't tell you what you should do. I can only tell you what I  _think_  you should do. If you stay here… I can be there for you when you need me," and Lucinda's lips parted slightly, as her head rose off of her hand a little. She was going to speak, but he wasn't finished. "I can help you," he continued, bringing his hands up to grasp her shoulders, in case she tried to look away from him again. "When your doubts have brought your mind down… I can build you up when those same doubts keep your head below the water's surface. I can help you, but only if you  _let_ me. Lucinda…" He wasn't sure why he was getting so desperate. There was a chance she was going to leave and not come back. If that didn't shake him up so badly, he'd probably shut the fuck up already, but he was afraid… afraid that… He couldn't even finish that thought. It wasn't that he was afraid of her leaving, more so that he was afraid what the world would bring once she was gone. Life could go on without a second glance behind him, or life could cease all-together… He didn't know which was worse. He didn't want to find out. He just wanted to get through the rest of this year and ignore the future for a while, because his was looking bleak.

"But what am I supposed to do?" Lucinda said, shaking him from his judgments.

Snape tightened his hands on her shoulders. "Stay with me," he said in a clear voice.

Lucinda was quiet again as she watched his face. His eyes watched her, in turn, unblinking, awaiting her answer (though, he never technically asked a question). And what kind of proposition was that? Whatever he was thinking, he was completely serious. There wasn't even a shadow of a smirk on his face.

"You belong here with me," he spoke again, when she still didn't say anything, "with your friends and with your talents… You belong at Hogwarts. Don't let anyone tell you different; not your parents, not even me."

Lucinda looked at him questioningly. "Would you really change your mind?" she asked, all-too aware that his hands on her shoulders still had not moved. "Would you really convince me to stay and then tell me I didn't belong here, somewhere else down the road?"

Snape thought about it. He could lie to her, but that would just bite him in the ass later. "Yes," he said, finally. Lucinda's face fell. "But," he continued and her eyebrows twitched up, "If I ever told you to leave… it would be for a reason. At this point, I don't have any such reason. I can't imagine why I ever would, but… Well, sometimes things happen…" He trailed off and stared down at her hands. They were shaking a little, resting there atop her knees. He moved his own hands down from her shoulders and laid them on top of hers, looking up at her again at the same time. "You need to take your sucrosulin."

"I already have," she replied in a small voice.

"Then you need to eat something," he said pointedly. "You're shaking more even as we sit here."

"With all due respect, professor Snape," Lucinda said quietly, barely moving her lips. "I wouldn't be shaking half as much if you kept your hands to yourself." The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them and before she could think them through. His reaction was not one that she was expecting, though. She thought he would get mad, considering her tone was just a little bit snappish (even though she hadn't meant it to be), but he didn't. To her dismay, he actually looked regretful.

He let go of her instantly and leaned back away from her. "Forgive me, Miss Morgan. I was out of line…" he hardened his stare at her. "In the future, please let me know from the beginning what your  _boundaries_  are."

 _And now he's pissed again…_  Lucinda thought helplessly. "You know I didn't mean it like that. Please don't be mad at me, Sev—" She clamped a hand over her mouth. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say that!" she blurted.

Snape stared back at her with wide eyes. "Were you about to call me 'Severus'?" the man asked with his face now completely devoid of irritation. He was back on his haunches again, elbows resting lazily across his knees.

The girl sighed exasperatedly into her hands as she covered her face. "I didn't mean to do it— _honestly_ ," she replied in muffled tones through her fingers. "It was an accident."

"You know," he whispered, raising a brow. "You called me 'Severus' at the Ball, as well. Care to explain that?" There was some amusement in his voice, but she merely took it as him being an ass.

"There's nothing to explain," she shook her head. "I think of you as my friend, rather than my teacher and it's just very difficult calling you 'professor' now…" She let the silence linger on after that. She hated to know what he was thinking of her at this moment. "I have a thing with names," she continued bravely, as Snape had still not said anything and she couldn't see his expression through her fingers. "I know you're a teacher and I should respect that professional part of our friendship, but… if we do, in fact,  _have_  a friendship, sometimes I'm going to slipup and call you by your first name… Besides…" she took her hands away from her face and looked at him. "It isn't fair that you can call me by mine, but I can't… call you… by…"

Lucinda could not continue to speak. Her potions professor was looking back at her with such tenderness in his eyes that she feared it wasn't him for a moment. It was completely out-of-character and off-putting… yet it warmed her inside to know that he was not mad anymore.

"What's with that look?" she mumbled, touching her face self-consciously and looking away from him. "Don't you think I'm embarrassed enough without you giving me such a strange look…?"

He thought she'd been unconsciously making fun of him by using that name before… Besides, she'd been drunk. It was also understandable that she'd let down those last few thin walls that she'd built up between them once she got a little booze in her. It was a slipup, as she said… but now she'd said it again (well, almost) and she was definitely not intoxicated…

"So…" Snape cleared his throat. "You would… like to… call me by my first name?"

Lucinda narrowed her eyes at him. He was being much too nice. It made her suspicious. "You're making fun of me…" she said slowly. "I can tell."

Snape shook his head. "I'm not. I realize that there are some flaws in our… relationship. In fact, it is, perhaps, a flaw within itself. I don't take back what I said before: you can't be friends with a teacher and before you make that face at me, let me rephrase."

Lucinda's face had fallen.

"You  _shouldn't_  be friends with a teacher," he said.

Lucinda still looked at him with a frown. "Why?" she asked quietly. "I thought we'd gotten past this."

"There are many reasons why," he said seriously. "One of them being that favoritism would be assumed and that can cause problems all by itself, if it hasn't already… It also makes it harder for me to keep up a professional front when I know that you are more than just my student. But as I have difficulty taking back anything that I say, I'll reiterate this to you, as well: I shouldn't be your friend, but I am." He paused and thought honestly about something before finally saying, "You can call me 'Severus'."

Lucinda had sat there quietly while he talked, but now she took a turn shaking her head. "No, no, I couldn't do that," she said in almost a panic, putting her hands out in front of her, as if to physically stop him from thinking such a thing. "It's too personal. I couldn't say it."

"You've already said it once and you almost did again," he scoffed. "Don't be so embarrassed. It's only a big deal if you make it one."

She dropped her hands back down on her knees with a  _slap_. "That's exactly what I'm trying  _not_  to do, is make it a big d—"

"SH!" Her potions professor snapped a finger up to his lips. His whole body had gone rigid and he turned his head to the side, listening. Lucinda kept her mouth closed and listened, as well. They didn't wait long, before a voice carried down the hall.

"How hard is it to find one girl? Shouldn't they have a quicker way to do this? Don't they have some way to track the students?"

It was coming from the staircase around the corner from them and it was drawing nearer. Snape glanced back at Lucinda. It was Mrs. Morgan's voice and he could tell by the panicked look on his student's face that she was not ready to face her mother. He only milked the moment for a second longer and then he'd made his decision.

Snape slid into the closet beside the girl and whipped the door shut behind him, locking it in the process (Lucinda had to throw her body all the way to the left to keep from getting crushed by her teacher). Then they were plunged into darkness, the only light coming from the crack below the door. Lucinda straightened back up and tried to be as still as she could. The side of her body was pressed against her professor's, their shoulders side-by-side, though even sitting down he was still slightly taller than her (not that she could tell that well, considering she could just barely make out the whites of his eyes in the dark cupboard).

"Don't say  _anything_ ," he turned to her and whispered. "They won't be able to get in here, but just be quiet and they'll never know you're here."

Lucinda held his gaze for a minute and then nodded (regardless if he could see the gesture or not). Then she hugged her knees to her chest again and sat silently, listening; waiting…

A moment passed and then they heard footsteps. They stopped just outside of the broom cupboard and this time someone else spoke.

"Maybe we should just leave her be, Judi." It was her father. "She was very upset… I've never seen her like that before, not since the day we told her she would be homeschooled…"

They were standing just a few feet away from where Snape and the girl sat. Lucinda was tensing up beside him. He could feel it in the shoulder that was pressed against his.

"Leave her be? You must be joking. After what happened?"

"Darling, she is an adult—"

"Joseph, she's never been on her own before. We let her come here for the first time and she's nearly killed."

"We can't protect her forever."

Lucinda shivered and it wasn't really because of the chilly floor they were sitting on. Snape took notice of it, though, and watched her from his peripheral vision (his eyes having adjusted somewhat to the darkness).

"We could have protected her when it  _mattered_ ," Mrs. Morgan said, lowering her voice so much that Lucinda had to strain her ears to catch everything. "I don't know why I let you talk me into allowing this. We should have kept her safe at  _home._  We only needed to keep her there for  _one_   _more year_ —"

"We never should have gone to that Seer," her father suddenly said in an angry whisper (one that Lucinda had never heard him use before).

"If we  _didn't_ , she would have died in her first year at Hogwarts!"

"You don't know that."

"Joseph, the prophecy said—"

"Shh!" her father hissed. "Judi, you promised! Not  _here!_ "

Snape felt the girl beside him tremble. He turned to look at her, expecting to see her face covered with her hands, but it wasn't. What he saw instead made him shiver unexpectedly. She was staring at the door, her lips were parted and her eyes were wide and fearful, more terrified than he'd ever seen them. She trembled again and then she didn't stop. Although his gaze was burning into the side of her face, she didn't turn to look at him. Even when he opened the side of his robes and wrapped them around her, pulling her tightly against him, her eyes never left the door in front of them. Snape kept her there with a firm arm and placed his other hand to his temple, continuing to listen to the girl's parents on the other side of the door. Who knew it would get this complicated…

"I wanted to tell her a long time ago—" the voice of her mother came through the door again, but Mr. Morgan interrupted once more.

"We'll tell her, but  _not now!_  We were wrong to try to tell her at the train station and it's a good thing we didn't. She would have had that hanging over her head all year."

"Yes, but maybe she would have been more careful, then."

"She wouldn't," said Mr. Morgan with a small laugh. "You know she wouldn't. How many times did we catch her trying to make all of those forbidden potions in her bedroom?"

"At least she was safer at home, with us. Now she's in this place and away from her family…"

"There's nothing we can do about it. She'll never leave now that she's been here."

Another moment passed and then her father spoke once more. "Let's go up to Dumbledore's office and wait for her to come out. She'll have to eventually."

"What are you going to tell her, Joseph?" Mrs. Morgan asked and their voices started to move away.

Mr. Morgan sighed. "You know what I'm going to tell her. I just hope you can accept it."

Then the voices and footsteps faded away completely and the two in the closet were left in silence once more.

Snape didn't want to be the first to move. Lucinda was probably very unstable at this point. Moving his arm away from her might set her off. He was also afraid she might run away again if he let go of her (or maybe he just wanted an excuse to keep his hands on her), so he kept his arm where it was. Then he chanced a glance at her. To his distress, she was still in the same state: staring at the door like it was telling her, her kitten had just died. He couldn't see her well enough to see the extent of what she was feeling, though. He didn't want to startle her, but…

"Lucinda…?" he whispered. She didn't flinch, but he felt her body relax slightly at the sound of his voice. That was good enough for him. "Lumos."

The cupboard was bathed in the cloudy, white glow of the professor's wand. That's when he was finally able to see the tears on her face… and he was angry. She'd cried too much since they'd met. She had a face for a smile, not this crying bullshit. Half the time it was because of him and, yes, he surprisingly felt guilty about that. This needed to stop.

"Lucinda," he said again. "Look at me."

This time she closed her eyes at his words and he knew she'd heard him. He watched as she tilted her head down and slowly shook it from side to side.

"Yes," he said firmly. He was going to grab her chin and make her look at him, but one hand was holding his wand and the other was on her shoulder. He settled for shaking her slightly. "Stop crying and  _look_  at me."

Lucinda's head sunk lower and she let out a strangled sob. Snape sighed. Maybe he was being too mean… Her head leaned slowly to the right and buried itself into his collar. Snape sighed deeper. Then he brought his hand up from her shoulder and curled it around her head, pressing her temple against his neck. She only cried for a few minutes and then tried to pull away from him.

"I'm sorry I keep doing this," her voice shook as she whispered and her hands wiped roughly at her cheeks. "You must think all I do is cry. I'm sure you're sick of dealing with me by now and I know you don't—need—to—be—" She kept trying to free herself from his grasp. He'd let go of her head as she leaned away from him, but his arm still held her in place around the shoulders. She glanced at the hand on her and then looked up at his unreadable face. "Let me go," she said, staring at him in the light of his wand.

He shook his head. "No."

"Why—?" she asked incredulously, as she struggled against his increasingly tighter grip.

"I don't want you to run again," he replied solemnly. "You've just heard some upsetting things and I know you're not going to be thinking clearly."

"I'm  _fine_ ," she growled, suddenly feeling her anger toward him surface. It peeved her that he would think so poorly of her judgment.

"You're not fine," he said in that same even tone. His face was only about six inches from hers and he held her gaze indefinitely.

She glared back at him for as long as she could, but the reflection of the wand light in his eyes made her heart flutter and she had to look away. "Okay," she said quietly. "I'm not 'fine' exactly… But I'm not emotionally unstable either… Just in a bit of shock…"

"You need to talk to your parents," he replied in an equally quiet voice. "I know you don't want to upset them, but they need to realize you're not going anywhere."

Lucinda looked back at him again and a sad smirk spread through her lips. "How are you so sure I would decide to stay?"

"Because, I'm letting you call me by my first name," he said too seriously.

She thought he was being funny, but then she remembered that professor Snape was hardly ever funny on purpose. "That's why I'm going to stay?" Lucinda raised her eyebrows, "So that I can call you 'Severus'?"

Both their stomachs twisted at her words, but Snape ignored it and said slowly, "Not in front of anyone, of course… My explanation would leave the other staff members with a face much like the one you're giving me now."

Lucinda lowered her eyebrows and cleared her throat. "Sorry," she mumbled.

A moment passed. Lucinda tried to keep her eyes hovering somewhere in the direction of the door. Eventually her professor spoke again.

"Come on," he said, nodding at the door she was pretending to look at. "Go talk to them."

The girl lowered her eyes to her lap for a second. She was going to be sitting in Dumbledore's office again, defending herself, trying to retell what she'd already explained once and justifying why she needed to stay at Hogwarts. The thought made her cringe. "Would you please go with me…?" she whispered finally.

Snape scoffed and pressed an ear to the door. "Of course I'm coming with," he said curtly, listening for anyone out in the hall. "That was never up for discussion."

Lucinda looked down at her lap again and smiled.

"I appreciate it…" she whispered and then after deciding to go ahead and say it, she added: "Thank you… Severus."

Snape's heart melted at the word. He may have just made a huge mistake…


	19. Not Necessarily Strictly Platonic

They'd been in there for fifteen minutes already. There was no reason why it should be taking this long. All she had to do was go in there and tell them what she wanted. The girl was brave enough to mouth off to him, so telling her parents exactly what she thought should have been an easy task. It was obvious they were good to her. They hadn't raised their voices to her once, as far as he could tell through the thick wood of the door. When he was in there with them they had also been very calm with her. It was only when he had begun to speak that Mrs. Morgan turned a hateful eye on him; like she was offended he'd even shown up there in Dumbledore's office, let alone walked in with her daughter, when she couldn't find the girl herself.

It took a half an hour to convince Mr. and Mrs. Morgan (or more so, just Mrs. Morgan) that it was a good thing that Lucinda had been in class that day; that what she did was heroic and if she'd not been at the school that year, there was a good chance that some of the students would now be dead. To Lucinda's surprise, the Headmaster chose that moment to tell her she'd been awarded twenty house points for her quick thinking and swift reflexes. Snape had a feeling that Albus was simply laying it on as thick as he could, so that Lucinda's parents would forget the danger she had been in.

"You look nervous, Severus."

Snape looked sideways at the man to his left. They both stood on either side of the office door with their backs against the stone wall. Dumbledore had his face turned directly at his subordinate and Snape fixed his eyes back on the wall in front of them; the spiral staircase loomed below them and its steps twisted out of sight.

"I am not nervous," he said soberly, though he was a little uncomfortable from the way his superior was staring so intently at him. It was as if the old man could see every thought in his head. Those blue eyes were kind and gentle, but look close enough and you would find an eeriness there, along with an overwhelming amount of intimidation. Dumbledore could be completely unyielding and unforgiving when he wanted to be. Snape learned that the hard way…

"Are you worried she will decide to leave?" Dumbledore asked the question with honest curiosity and that is the only reason the other man answered him with equal honesty.

"I suppose I am a bit…concerned," he replied, dropping his voice slightly.

"Because you care about her," the Headmaster stated. That earned him a glare from the raven-haired professor.

"I care for her future," Snape said tightly. That was technically true and perhaps even had a double meaning, but now was not the time to think any more on that matter.

To Severus's irritation, there was a smile in the Headmaster's voice when he said, "Ah, yes, as you should—as  _every_ professor should care about  _every_  student's future."

"What are you implying?" Snape said a little louder than he'd meant. Both men paused and glanced at the office door. It stayed shut and pretty much silent. After a moment, the dull rumble of voices continued on the other side of it.

"I was going to deny implying anything at all," Dumbledore whispered gently. "But, seeing as I, in fact,  _was_  implying, I'll simply state it now…"

Snape turned and looked at the man across the door from him. Dumbledore hardened his stare and Snape held that intimidating gaze easier than he ever had before. "Yes, Headmaster?"

"You have made many mistakes in the past…"

"I have, yes."

Snape didn't blink. Neither did the other man. What was this? Was Dumbledore really trying to start something right now that need not be started?

"And you realize that…" the old man continued, "…because of your 'questionable' past, I cannot simply stay out of anything in your life."

"I believe we already have an  _understanding_  about that particular subject—" Severus started angrily, but Albus put a hand up, though both had yet to blink or break the intense gaze.

"I'm not opening old wounds or badgering you. At least, that is not my intent."

"What is it then?" the potions professor snapped, taking a second to glance at the door again. "This isn't exactly the most paramount time to be giving me any kind of lecture or—"

"You have a weakness for a pretty face," Dumbledore said, stopping the other man mid-thought, though he kept his voice quiet, "Especially if it is paired with a genius mind."

Snape closed his mouth and did everything in his power to keep his face blank. Thankfully, he'd already had plenty of experience with this sort of thing; lying and deceiving. "Not trying to open up old wounds?" he asked tightly, giving his superior a grim smile. "It seems that you're intent on doing just that."

Dumbledore shook his head, eyes still glued to the other's face. "Some time has passed and… I've come to realize that you've had your punishment. You'll continue to live with that for the rest of your life. I don't need to help you continue to feel bad about what happened."

Snape finally broke the eye contact and shifted uncomfortably. This was not the place to be discussing such a thing. No place was good for it… except maybe Hell.

"We are more than colleagues, Severus," the Headmaster sighed. "We're friends. You have had some bad calls in the past and poor judge of character—"

"As have  _you!_ " Snape slipped in resentfully

"—but you have changed and I truly  _believe_  that," Dumbledore continued, talking over the man who now would not look at him. "You deal with your demons how you want. Hate yourself forever… but don't create new ones—new demons, new wounds."

"Have you completely lost your mind?" Snape asked incredulously, rounding on the man. "What are you getting at? Spit it out, because right now you're talking in those stupid, little riddles that you always do."

"Interesting choice of words," Dumbledore observed thoughtfully, holding the other's gaze once more.

"Oh stop it, Albus," Snape spat. "What piece of shit thing am I doing now to not meet your standards? You tell me to stop being so angry—with you, with everyone, with the Dark Lord, with MYSELF. You tell me to open up a little and accept the friendships and blessings that seldom come my way. I didn't want to listen to you. Maybe part of me just hated myself that much that I didn't think I  _deserved_  any kindness or forgiveness or, god-forbid, some derisory ounce of happiness! But the one moment I show any kind of  _inkling_ of having feelings of friendship toward another human being, you think that I'm committing myself and everyone else involved to a miserable life of freshly cut wounds and deceitful words!"

When Snape finished, he realized how loud his voice had gotten. The last sentence rang out around them, echoing off the stone walls of the stairwell. The potions professor was breathing heavy. His face was red and his teeth were clenched. His superior stared back, calmly watching him. Then they both realized how quiet it was in the office. Snape listened, strained his ears even, heart beating fast, mentally kicking himself for letting his emotions get the better of him. A moment passed, then another. Before they could become too concerned, the voices started up again on the other side of the door.

"I realize you're feeling attacked right now," Dumbledore continued after the tense silence stretched on. "I assure you, I am only trying to breathe a word of caution to you."

"And I tell you it is  _not_   _necessary_."

The two looked at each other; Snape holding his anger at bay (but only just barely) and Dumbledore watching him with scrutiny.

"I'm also not accusing you of anything," Professor Dumbledore said more quietly this time. "But I don't want to revisit this conversation in the future… at least, not in the near future."

"Forgive me, Headmaster," Snape challenged, "but you still haven't shed light on what exactly you're warning me about."

He was daring him to come out and just say it. Maybe it would make it real for him, then. Part of him wished he  _would_  just throw it out there and be done with it. Maybe by someone else exposing what it was that had his mind in a shroud, he could move past it. He could stop the disaster in its tracks. Then again, another part of him—a part that grew stronger and more resilient every day—never wanted the light to be shed on this; to live forever trapped between this world and the next, never quite getting there, but never having to go back to before this year started…

"Severus…" Dumbledore began seriously, but nothing more was said. The tension in the stairwell was disrupted by the door between them that suddenly opened.

"Professors…." Lucinda said quietly, as she stepped out of the Headmaster's office. Her parents followed her out and both professors stepped back so that all five of them could stand comfortably together on the landing.

"Is everything alright?" Dumbledore smiled at the stairwell's three new arrivals.

Lucinda smiled back, obviously comforted by the Headmaster's calm demeanor. "Yes, everything is alright, thank you," she said bowing her head slightly. "But I believe I owe you—both of you—" she glanced quickly at her potions professor "—an apology."

"You have nothing to—" Snape began, but closed his mouth at the pleading look Lucinda gave him.

"I'm sorry for causing a disruption," she continued, holding her head high and firm. "It was selfish and childish of me to run away and then to further waste the time of my parents and my educators by hiding. It won't happen again."

Snape stared at the girl in amazement, but she kept her eyes on the Headmaster.

"It's quite alright, Miss Morgan," Dumbledore said kindly and gave her shoulder a reassuring pat. "We only care for your safety and well-being. Right, Severus?" He glanced sideways at the potions master.

Snape looked at him. "Correct," he nodded and then looked at the girl. "Your safety is first and foremost our concern, Miss Morgan." Lucinda nodded back, but still did not look at him. Her eyes stayed looking straight ahead at the stairs that wound down behind them. "And seeing as your safety was… compromised…" Snape continued. "…it is my onlyconcern at the moment and so I must ask for  _your_  forgiveness." That last part made her eyes flicker to his.

"Professor, I already made it clear that you couldn't have done anything to prevent—"

"Of course I could have," he snapped angrily. Dumbledore cleared his throat loudly and Snape composed himself again before continuing. "I  _feel_  that there were precautions I could have taken, but I will take them now." Then he looked past Lucinda and spoke directly to her parents. "I won't pretend that I'm perfect. I have issues of my own to work on. I was out of line today and I'm sorry for that. You have every right to blame me for your daughter being in danger. I should have kept a closer eye on things in my own classroom… But believe me when I say that I will do everything I can to  _never_  let something like this happen again. I can't change the past, but I can assure the future. Lucinda is very important to… to this school. We all value her intelligence, perseverance and kindness…"

Once Snape finished speaking, the hall went quiet. Judi Morgan simply stared at the man who called himself her daughter's "friend" and tried to find some flicker of doubt in his eyes; some sign to show that he was deceiving them. Regrettably, she found nothing. He was simply as he was: a man who seemed sorry for what happened and possibly even angry that it had happened.

"We need to get going now," the woman said, suddenly looking away from the man. "Joseph can't miss any more work."

"And is the girl..?" Dumbledore trailed off expectantly.

Judi looked at her daughter and then said to Snape, rather than the Headmaster, "She's staying."

Snape felt relief such as he never knew he could possess wash over him. Lucinda turned around on the spot and threw her arms around her mother. Then her father, smiling tenderly, placed a hand to the girl's cheek and kissed her forehead.

"We'll see you at Christmas, my dear," he said and smiled again.

Mother and daughter eventually broke apart and Mr. Morgan took the opportunity to place his hands on his wife's shoulders and gently lead her through the small crowd and to the stairs. Mrs. Morgan started down them and Mr. Morgan paused to look back at his daughter. "Try not to get blown up, Lucy," he said seriously. "There's only so many cats we can get to replace you." Then he grinned and stomped down the stairs after his wife.

They all saw the appalled look on the woman's face before the couple disappeared around the curve in the wall and dropped out of sight. The last thing they heard was Mrs. Morgan say, " _Joseph!_ How could you  _say_  that?!" Then there was a soft crash of stone as the door at the bottom of the stairs slid closed and the hall was quiet again.

Dumbledore barely waited for the last echo to die away before he cried out, "Well, what an eventful day!"

Lucinda and Snape both jumped at his outburst. The latter opened his mouth to say something, but the Headmaster was already back inside his office.

"Make sure Miss Morgan is escorted safely to her next class or dormitory, Severus," Dumbledore said cheerfully. Then he fixed his colleague with an intense stare, before shutting the door between them.

Another moment passed and Lucinda let out a breath that she'd apparently been holding. Snape turned to look at her, but she was already descending the stairs behind him.

He caught up with her in two, long strides. " _You're_  in a hurry to get out of here," he said, as he placed a hand on her back, in case she stumbled.

"Yes," she mumbled with a blush. "This has been one of the worst days of my life…"

Snape frowned, but said nothing.

They left the spiral staircase together and continued down the next corridor. They walked on quickly for a few minutes in silence. Once they descended another set of stairs, Lucinda slowed her pace. Her teacher watched her out of the corner of his eye. Her steps became even slower until she eventually stopped walking altogether.

"Lucinda?" Snape asked cautiously.

She didn't look at him. She was staring at the floor, lost in thought. They were standing just outside of the Library and shuffling papers and quiet whispers could be heard coming from inside. Snape stepped around the girl to stand in front of her.

"Lucinda?" he said again, but this time he shook her shoulder a little. "What is it? Aren't you happy to still be here?"

She still didn't look at him, but it was obvious she'd heard him. She pressed her lips together tightly and then licked them. She opened her mouth slightly to speak, but then closed it again. Her eyes lingered on his chest and she could see it rise and fall with his breaths. She wondered if it was just her imagination or if his breathing was starting to quicken the longer she stood there in silence. His hand dropped from her shoulder and she took that moment to look up at him.

"What is it?" Snape repeated, his dark eyes searching her face.

"My mother hates you," she said.

Snape looked back at her blankly. She looked so shaken up.  _What for?_  He couldn't help it. He scoffed at her. "And? So what?" he said, raising his eyebrows. "You should be used to people hating me by now."

"My mother isn't  _people_. She's my  _mother_ ," Lucinda said in complete bewilderment. "She can't hate you. This is… this is terrible. Why does she  _hate_  you so much?"

"I'm not a very likable person," Snape replied off-hand and turned around to continue their walk. He went a few steps and looked behind him. She was following, but very slowly and was staring at him like he was the one telling  _her_  that her mother hated him. "Why does it matter? None of your little friends like me, either."

They turned down another corridor and Lucinda continued to follow after him silently and so slowly he could hardly take it.

"This… I don't know why…" she then started to mumble to herself. "…thought I wouldn't care… but she was so angry… never seen her like that… but why… and it really… really bothers me…"

"Lucinda, stop."

Snape had stopped in the middle of the dim corridor and grasped her arms. He had hold of her shoulders and she hadn't even realized it. She looked up and met his eyes.

"We're friends," Lucinda whispered. "You and I are friends. She's supposed to like my friends and she—"

"Damn it, Lucinda!" he cursed. "Come on!" He looked around them. No one was in sight, but still. They couldn't have a conversation like this in front of anyone. "Alright, come in here," he said and dragged her through a door to their right.

"Why does this not bother you?" Lucinda asked quietly as they entered the empty storage room. There was nothing in there except a few tables with white sheets thrown over them. "Am I stupid to be letting this get to me so badly?"

"Yes!"

Lucinda turned and looked at him, finally snapping out of the strange emotional trance she had been in. "You think I'm stupid?" she demanded, stomping her foot once.

He hadn't seen her do that in a while. He tried not to smirk. "Yes," he said calmly. "You're  _acting_  stupid. Why don't you cool it down, already? What is it about this that has you so worked up?"

"It's too hard to explain!" she snapped and turned back around. Then she crossed her arms and walked to the other side of the room to one of the clothed tables. "I can't help but think of the future and… and whether or not you'll still be in my life after I graduate," she said shakily and placed her palms on the table top, bracing herself. "And I don't mean anything by that. I just think about things like that, even just in passing… My parents are my whole life. They always have been. Since I've come to Hogwarts I've met new people and made some really good friends and they have also become special to me. My parents are no longer what make up my entire life. I've… I've made room in my heart for other people and I don't want anything to jeopardize those friendships… especially something as  _stupid_  as my mother not liking them."

"Not liking?" Snape answered sarcastically and his voice was directly behind her. "She hates me, remember?"

"Is this just a joke to you?" Lucinda said angrily and spun around, ready to throw a punch his way. She had her fist raised and everything, but he was already too close and caught her wrist. The other hand snaked around her back and drew her in close to his chest, causing her breath to hitch. "W-what are you—" she began, but his face leaned down close to hers and she shut up.

"I'm not one to joke," he said seriously and then he pulled her the rest of the way against him in an embrace. He shouldn't hug her like this, but he couldn't help it. He was just too relieved that she was staying and it wasn't like he'd never hugged her before. He'd done it a few times now…

Lucinda, on the other hand, was having some trouble with this particular moment. He'd caught her off guard with his sudden showing of affection… and her heart beat so erratically that she thought he'd have to thump her in the chest to get it to regulate again. He was much too close. He was holding onto her much too tight. His voice was much too deep. It vibrated through her whole torso. She felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand on end and her legs suddenly felt three times heavier than they ever had. They wobbled and she had to brace her hands against his back to keep from falling (not that she even could, since his grip on her was so tight). She hadn't meant to move against him in that way, just as he hadn't meant for his body to respond so enthusiastically. Some things you just can't help. The body wants what it wants and at that precise moment, it apparently wanted Lucinda.

"Oh my god…"

"Lucinda, wait—"

"What the hell were you trying to do?!" the girl cried over shoulder as she stomped across the room, heading for the door.

"I didn't mean to—"

"Is this what you wanted from me all along?" she spat, turning around just before reaching the door. "You let me believe that you actually valued a friendship with me when all along you—"

"Are you fucking kidding me?" he growled and backed her into the door, placing his hands against it on either side of her head. "I have one minute of weakness and you think that's all I want from you?  _I didn't mean to do it!_ "

"Body parts don't just  _move_  on their own!" she whispered angrily, still conscious of the fact that there could be someone out in the hall who could hear them.

"Well, actually, sometimes they do," he replied as calmly as he could, but he was breathing heavily. He didn't want her to leave like this. It was going to ruin everything and it had all happened so quickly. "Lucinda, look at me."

She had been. She'd been staring at his neck, where that usual vein pulsated and she could see it each time his heart pumped. She swallowed hard and trailed her eyes up to his face. His own eyes looked out at her from under a furrowed brow. He looked scared. She hadn't seen him look quite like this before.

"I'm sorry. Okay?" he breathed. "My body reacted. I'm human, god damn it. Some things I can't help."

"You shouldn't have been that close to me in the first place." She barely finished the sentence and her lip trembled and how she wished it wouldn't.

Snape's stomach twisted anxiously. He wished it wouldn't either. "I'm sorry… I'm sorry," he repeated, hearing his voice become almost pleading. What the hell was going  _on_  with him? Albus warns him to basically not fuck anything up and here he was doing just that merely minutes afterward! "Lucinda, look at me. Don't look away from me.  _Look at me._  I'm sorry. You're right I shouldn't have touched you. I shouldn't have gotten anywhere near you. We're friends and I'm sorry. I'm finally getting to the point where I want to be completely honest with myself and with you. You know I wouldn't do anything to mess that up and I… I'm—I'm fucking up right now. Holy shit—" Snape stumbled backward, putting some space between them.

Lucinda had  _never_  heard him like this. She'd never  _seen_  him like this. He was like a different person, not the wise, level-headed man she saw in class every day. This was a side she never even knew existed. It was too much. It was too much all at once. She just wanted to run—

"Lucinda, please say something," Snape whispered, trying his hardest not to get close to her again. "I don't know what else you want me to—"

"I… I need to go."

"Lucinda," Snape said in that same pleading voice he wished would just  _go away,_  already.

"Professor Snape, I've already been through enough today," she said, shaking her head at the floor. "And now trying to decipher all of this—trying to figure out what this means, right here, right now, the way you're acting…" She opened her mouth to continue, but couldn't decide how and closed it again. She finally said, "I just need to be away from you right now—"

"Lucinda, whatever you're thinking," Snape started again and took a step toward her. "Whatever you think this is—what you think is going on—it's not true. This doesn't change anything. We are  _friends_. Nothing has  _changed_."

Lucinda reached a hand behind her and grasped the door knob. "But everything's changed," she whispered. She paused, long enough to wonder if he felt as bad inside as she did. Then she mumbled, "I'll see you in class" and opened the door.

Snape walked the couple steps to her and slammed the door closed again. "I get that you're freaked out," he said slowly, his mouth right next to her ear. "But  _please_  understand that you only feel this way, because, before, you only thought of me as a platonic being."

That earned him a glare that he couldn't see, which she realized and that's why she suddenly shoved him away from her. "And what makes you so sure of that?" she asked defensively, as he stumbled back for the second time.

He looked back at her in shock and blurted, "Because you're not telling me any different!" He didn't mean to say it. It just came out. He was pissed and confused and feeling more and more helpless.

Lucinda looked at him with a combination of hurt and exasperation. "For Merlin's sake, Severus…" she said in frustration and grasped the handle behind her again. "What do you want from me? We've only just become  _friends_."

Then she left the room and slammed the door behind her.

Severus was left feeling worse off than he had in a very long time…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHAT JUST HAPPENED?? My imagination happened, that's what. And it's going to get me into trouble. Haha. I'm sorry if this chapter sucks and is just plain weird. I started out wanting this to go in a different direction, but Snape wasn't having any of that. This story friggin writes itself, I swear.


	20. A Little Too Much

She had to tell someone. She had to talk to  _someone_  about this. Her first thought was to go straight to Aurora, wherever she may be. That's when she realized that she didn't even know what time it was. Rorie could be in class somewhere. So much had happened that day already. If it wasn't quite noon, lunch would be starting. Well, crap, if it was lunchtime, then she would be running from Snape, only to be forced to face him again in the Great Hall. She couldn't. She had to put some distance between them. But even as she walked blindly through the corridors, lost in thought, she couldn't help but feel bad.

Their friendship (which had hardly begun) had just taken a huge step backward and she wasn't even sure why. She'd just gotten through saying how she would stop being childish and running away and here she was:  _running the hell away_. The look on his face had been too much. His  _words_  had been  _too much._  She felt her heart breaking all over again, because now she realized how she truly felt about him…

 _And it's a mistake,_  she thought, as she put a hand to her chest and slowed her steps.  _He's just a man after all. He doesn't want anything else from me. The friendship I thought we were forming was just a cover._

 _You're being an idiot,_  said another voice in her head and it was  _his_  voice.

Lucinda moved the hand that was on her chest and put it to her forehead. She tried to ignore the voice, but it spoke again.

 _I didn't mean anything by it,_ it said.  _You know that. You know the person I am. You're just afraid now that I only think of you as a piece of meat._

"That's not true," she mumbled to herself and squeezed her eyes shut.

_It scares you to know that I am more than a friend and teacher. I'm also a man—a man that might just have lecherous thoughts about you._

Lucinda slammed her back against the nearest wall and slid down it, onto the floor.  _That isn't what I'm afraid of;_  she thought miserably and cradled her forehead in her hands.

_Then what is it?_

_I'm not entirely sure,_ Lucinda shook her head, trying to clear it.  _It's a mixture of things. I'm afraid you don't respect me… And then I'm also afraid that you do, but that you might think of me as more than a friend._

Then the voice said,  _Why would that be so bad?_  And it was in her voice.

Lucinda sighed into her knees.  _It wouldn't happen. It wouldn't make any sense. It wouldn't be logical or morally right. He would have to be insane and that means he's either crazy or he_ does _only think of me in a lecherous way…_

 _But is it possible…_ she answered herself,  _that it really was just an accident?_

Lucinda didn't move. She tried not to even think or listen to that voice in her head, questioning everything. The smart thing would be to stay away from him; to not let these thoughts and these feelings to go any further. If there came a day that she finally opened her heart to him, in such a way that she knew she probably would, she didn't think she could handle the rejection. She could already hear him saying those hurtful words: " _I'm sorry I led you on, but you are just my student. I don't think we can even be friends now…"_  It was agonizing just thinking about it. When that day came, it would be ten times worse. She had to get over him  _now_ , before her heart had the chance to start loving him… She hoped it hadn't already.

* * *

"Hey, Lou… You  _do_  realize that the entire student body can see your panties, right?"

Lucinda's eyes flew open. She hadn't even remembered dozing off. With how fast her mind and heart had been racing, you wouldn't think it possible to fall asleep leaned up against a wall in an indiscriminate corridor, but she had. Her mind must have been totally exhausted… and now she was startled awake by a pair of green eyes staring into her own brown ones.

"Xavier…" Lucinda choked out and clutched at her throat. "I think you killed me."

"Not kill you— _never_ kill you," he smirked and his face tilted deliberately downward to stare at the exposed flesh of her upper thighs. "You shouldn't sit like that."

Lucinda gasped and snapped her legs shut, slamming them down and full-on kicking him straight between his own legs in the process.

"OOF!" The boy fell back and curled into himself with a mighty shudder. "O-h-h-h fff—" Tears pricked his eyes, as he glared up at her. "N-n-not cool at all…"

"Oh my god!" Lucinda scrambled forward and clutched at the boy's shoulder. "X! X, are you alright? I'm sorry! I didn't mean to kick you!"

"Ugh, I've been castrated!" Xavier moaned pathetically. "I've been dismembered! Disarticulated! Vasectomized! Kicked, kicked! I've been  _kicked!_ "

"Oh no-no-I'm sorry!" Lucinda's hands flew to her face and she couldn't help the flood of tears that burst from her eyes.

"Holy shit, Morgan!" the boy sat upright and stared at her in wonder. "A joke! It was a joke!" He was answered by a wail behind her fingers and more tears. Xavier looked around quickly, nervous about on-lookers. They'd think he did something terrible to her. Luckily, no one was currently in their corridor, but someone might show up before too long. He looked back at the hysterical girl and wondered briefly if he'd ever be able to make a joke in front of her again. "Lou, cut it out," he mumbled, glancing around every few seconds. "Someone will think I hit you."

Lucinda slowed her sobs long enough to choke out a response. "No… they… w-won't…" Then she continued to cry, but did so just a little quieter.

Xavier brought his knees up to his chest and hugged them while he looked at her. "Don't be so sure of that," he mumbled again, watching her carefully, praying she would continue to quiet herself. "I've been in fights before. It could happen." He was really just trying to distract her, but it seemed to work. Lucinda's face finally appeared from over the top of her hands—tear-stained and red, but less distraught and looking more and more concerned.

"You would hit me?" she asked quietly, not believing it even as she said it.

"Of course not," he said, eyes locked with hers and his strawberry brows drawn down. "I was only fooling. I'm not a monster like  _some_." His voice then grew bitter and he glanced down the halls. "Are you done crying? Because I think lunch is half over."

Lucinda shook her head instantly.

X lifted his eyebrows comically. "You want to keep crying?" he asked incredulously.

She shook her head again—this time slower. "I-I can't go to lunch."

"Why?" he wrinkled his nose at her. "Got some other plans?"

"I…" she began and her mind thought back to Severus. "I don't want to see someone there."

X looked at her pityingly. "Well, I don't want to be the one to tell you this, Lou, but you can't expect the entire student body to eat lunch anywhere else but the Great Hall."

That got a smile out of her. "No," she said, wiping roughly at the top of her cheeks. "No, that's not what I mean. There's someone who will be down there that I don't want to see."

"Tristin?" he asked instantly.

Lucinda looked at him in confusion. "What?" She shook her head again. "No, actually Tristin is someone I've been meaning to speak with."

"Ah," X nodded in understanding. "I see… Then who?"

"What?"

"Stop beating the bush, Lou. Who don't you want to see?"

"I think it's 'beating  _around_  the bush', X…" Lucinda tried to smirk, but his serious face made her look away from him. She swallowed with some difficulty and then spoke again. "I don't want to… It's… I can't talk to… I…" She tried to find the right words. Xavier wasn't exactly the person she had in mind to talk to about this. She wasn't even sure she wanted to talk to anyone about it. She could be blowing this whole thing way out of the water for no reason, but out of all of her friends… X was the only one she felt would not pass judgement on her. "Can I tell you something?" she suddenly whispered, locking eyes with him again.

X's eyebrows twitched downward at the nervous look on her face. "No," he said without thinking and Lucinda's face fell. "Sorry," he said quickly. "It was a reflex. Sorry. You were saying?"

"No, never mind," she said in a rush and stood up.

The boy's eyes followed her in his position on the floor. "Are you sure?" he asked, standing up to join her. "You seem really bothered about something."

Lucinda smoothed down her skirt and then ran her fingers through her hair, making sure it hadn't been flattened on one side during her nap against the wall. "I'm okay. I can figure it out myself. It's alright."

"Lou…" X warned and put a freckled hand on her shoulder. "You've got me curious now. If you're this upset about something… You were sleeping in the hall, which you haven't explained about yet and there's someone who has obviously upset you…" Something in his voice made Lucinda turn and look at him. He stared back at her with a hollow look to his face. "Did someone hurt you?" he asked quietly.

Lucinda couldn't help the shudder that passed through her. "No…" she trailed off, uncomfortable under his intense gaze. "Stop it, X. You're freaking me out."

His eyes fluttered closed and then opened wide. "Sorry!" he laughed. "The way you were acting made it seem like this was a domestic abuse case or something. I had to be sure I didn't need to, you know, kick someone's ass…"

Lucinda rolled her eyes and began to walk. "NO," she said firmly (Xavier trailed beside her). "Just how many fights have you been in?"

"None," he said casually, walking with his hands in his robe pockets. "I'm a pacifist."

Lucinda shot him a glare. "Liar," she mumbled and looked ahead of them again as they walked.

Xavier laughed. "That's mean," he squinted at her. "I don't lie."

"You lie every day," she replied with a hard nod of the head. "I'm sure of it."

"Joking is not lying."

"What!" Lucinda opened her mouth in shock. "Yes, it is. Stop trying to deflect the topic of discussion. How many fights have you been in?"

"None," he repeated as they went around a corner and started down a flight of stairs.

"None.  _None?_  You said you'd been in fights before."

Xavier smirked, but he kept his eyes straight ahead. "Who don't you want to see in the Great Hall?" he asked, ignoring her persistence.

Lucinda made an audible sound of frustration and picked up her speed, storming ahead of him in the next corridor. "I'm going to my dormitory!" she called over her shoulder.

"Suit yourself!" he called back with a laugh. "Hopefully you don't run into whoever you're avoiding!"

Lucinda threw a glare over her other shoulder and then walked as fast as she could—without full-on running—back to her room.

Xavier watched her disappear up the next set of stairs and he headed down in the opposite direction. "Girls…" he mumbled and shook his head, making his way down to some much-needed grub.

* * *

Lucinda had almost forgotten about her other friends. It seemed ages had passed already and the events from that morning had drifted from her mind. The only thing she seemed to be able to keep complete concentration on was her Potions book. She was trying to do some research, but being as it was a textbook meant for classroom use, it didn't exactly have the proper… advanced type of magic she was looking for. There were a few things she wanted to know, to find out—to  _test_ —but what she needed was probably in the restricted section in the library. She'd need to get a note from Snape—

"Ugh," Lucinda slumped forward onto the table.  _Don't think about him, don't think about him, don't think about him…_

She'd skipped his class. She had never deliberately skipped anything; not really, anyway—except maybe meals… She was making things worse. If it wasn't for the fact that she knew he wouldn't come looking for her (given the events that had transpired that day), she would have gone. It was selfish, childish, gutless and shameful of her, but she just needed a moment. That was it, just an evening to get her thoughts back in order. She had already missed half of her lessons for the day, anyway, so when lunch was due to be over and Potions was getting ready to start, she stayed where she was in the Gryffindor common room, unable to face her professor yet.

The afternoon carried on.

At two o'clock she remembered something. She might have zipped right past it in her one-track-potions mind, but Aurora reminded her. She reminded her, because suddenly there she was. The golden eyes of her friend were pinning her with such a fiery gaze that she nearly choked on her own tongue trying to form a complete sentence.

"R-Rorie—" Lucinda shot up from her seat as the silver hair flew through the common room, heading directly for her.

"YOU!" she raged, pointing a long finger at the girl holding a potions book up between them.

"ME!" Lucinda responded, backing away from the other one. "I'm sorry! Oh my god, I'm sorry I didn't go to class!"

Suddenly, the Borealis girl let out a squeal and jumped into the air. "YOU'RE STILL HERE!" she screamed in excitement. "Oh, thank Merlin!" Then she flung her arms around the still terrified girl in front of her. The potions book was smashed between them.

"Wh-why wouldn't I still be here?" she choked out, trying to breathe within the tight embrace.

Aurora pulled back and looked into her face sharply. "The last time I saw you, you were in some kind of predicament with your parents in the entrance hall," she said in exasperation, staring with wide eyes. "Add that to the way Clover and Gabe told it, I thought you were never coming back!"

Lucinda cringed. "What did they say?"

Aurora dropped her arms back down to her sides with a shrug. "Basically, that you didn't really get to explain yourself before Snape stepped in. By the way, what's up with that? You are  _seriously_  teacher's pet. It would be okay if he was a nice teacher, but he's like the spawn of—what? What is it? You and your looks, I swear…"

"I really wish you would stop insulting him," Lucinda said quietly and plopped back down into her chair.

Aurora stared down at her in shock for a moment before taking her place in the seat on the other side of the table. "So it's true…" she finally said, staring across the tabletop at her friend.

Lucinda's face shot up to stare at her, in turn. "What?" she asked quickly. "What's true?"

"Well, Gabe mentioned that…" Aurora paused and fought the urge to roll her eyes. "He said that Snape called himself… your friend?"

Lucinda let out a tiny breath. "He caught that, did he?" she said with a grimace. "I was wondering when it would come up… Yes, we're friends. At least, I think we are… After today, I don't know. I suppose I picked a fight. I said some biting words to him and—and questioned him and then I didn't let him hardly get a word in and then I ran off like I always do, god damn it." Lucinda trailed off in bitter resentment toward herself and stared out of the window.

"Woah," Aurora waved a hand in front of her. "Back up there, honey. What now? So… So let me get this straight. Your parents come to take you home. You refuse, they insist, Snape backs you up and tells off your mom—according to Gabe, anyway—calls you a friend, you're obviously still here and  _not_  home with your parents—which part of this led you to fight with him?"

Lucinda groaned and brought her hands up to cover her face. "I don't know what's what anymore," she whined.

"And then you skipped his class…" Aurora continued in a faint voice. "I knew something was up with him. He didn't say a word, not  _one word!_  Just walked in silently and sat at his desk."

"He didn't say anything at all?" Lucinda took her hands away from her face in interest. "He didn't ask where I was or anything?"

Aurora shook her head and stared out across the room, lost in her memory. "Lucy, he didn't even look up at the class  _once_. We all just carried on with writing the papers from yesterday. I gotta admit, it was nice not having to do a potion, or listen to him insult as many of the Gryffindors as he could, for a change, but it was weird."

"He didn't even wonder where I was…?" Lucinda said quietly to herself.

"The bell rang eventually and he still never moved," Aurora continued and snorted. "That's what made it so scary! I thought you were really gone and he had lost his beloved favorite student and was moping!"

"Yeah well… here I am," Lucinda said in disheartenment.

The silver-haired girl trailed her golden eyes back over to rest upon her friend's dejected expression. "Yes, you are," she whispered and her lips pulled into a wicked grin. "And as happy as I am about that, I am  _very_  curious as to why you weren't in class then…"

Lucinda slowly lifted her gaze to look into her friend's sparkling eyes. She wanted to find some kind of confirmation in them. Some notation that telling her would be a good idea, that Aurora wouldn't laugh or freak out or… or tell someone else. What she found in her eyes was what she expected to: excitement, curiosity, solace… and trust. She could trust Aurora, she could… couldn't she?

" _Well?_ " Aurora grinned. "Give me the goods, girl. What the hell is going on?"

Lucinda felt her stomach twist and her heart gather speed. "I… I'm going to tell you something…" she started, but dropped her eyes to the table. "Y-You can't… tell anyone… about this…" Her tongue felt like it was swelling up and she was losing her composure, making it nearly impossible to finish a single sentence. She chanced a look up. Aurora was looking back at her with an expression she did not expect. Her eyes were wide and attentive, but her mouth was still pulled to the side in an open-mouthed smirk.

"Go  _on_ ," she nodded slowly. "What is it? What happened? What's  _been_  happening? Because ever since The Ball, I've been getting the strangest feeling that you're keeping something from me—"

"I haven't!" Lucinda blurted. "At least, I haven't  _meant_  to keep anything from you. I-I just didn't think it pertinent to our friendship, because what was going on really wasn't— _isn't_ —anything at all. What I mean is there isn't anything going on, exactly; at least, not in the physical sense. Well, except for today, in a way. But before that it was all just going on in my head." She paused and looked back down at the table. Aurora's face had fallen just slightly as she spoke and she couldn't bear to look at her now and see the disgust in her eyes. "It was such a small thought that hardly held any significance at all, so I thought I ought to, you know, just ignore it and hope that it went away. But now, after everything that's happened today, I'm really,  _really_  starting to worry that all of these things I'm feeling aren't in my head at all and that there may be this very small chance that it might all be happening inside his mind, as well…"

Lucinda let the sentence hang there in the air and when Aurora hadn't said anything, she looked up at her. The Borealis girl was staring across the common room again, but this time she had her fist cupped under her chin in thought; her white eyebrows drawn down in concentration. "Hmm…" she said faintly after a moment. "Well, I only understood about half of that… But I think I understand what you're trying to tell me—"

"I kissed him."

Aurora's entire body froze. She slowly turned her head and dropped her fist away from her chin to stare at the girl across the table from her. She didn't say anything at first; just stared, eyes like saucers, body like a statue and Lucinda knew she couldn't take it back now. "What… What?  _What?_ " was all Aurora could say once she'd found her voice.

"It was an accident," Lucinda whispered instantly and then began to ramble. "I… It was the night of the Ball. I was drunk. I kissed him. I slept in his bed. He slept on the couch. He gave me medicine in the morning and tried to get me to remember. I think maybe he was afraid that I'd remember about the kiss, but then again, he didn't tell anyone. He didn't get mad. He talked to me. He was calm. I ran. And cried. A lot. All I ever do is cry in front of him now and I don't know what's wrong with me. He hugged me; said he cared about me. I was confused. I  _am_  confused. He said he's my friend. He wants to watch my potion-making. He asked me to go to Hogsmeade, because he lost my Kudu sap. I wonder about what he really thinks of me. What I am to him; if I'm really his friend or if I'm… He… He hugged me today. He hugged me and I… I reacted badly. I should have just hugged him back and been done with it, but he caught me off-guard and I tried to lean away from him, but I lost my footing. He… His body… When I was against him, he… Aurora, I'm sorry I never talked to you about this." Lucinda's voice shook uncontrollably toward the end and she couldn't go on. Then her chin quivered and fresh tears welled in her eyes, sliding slowly down her flushed cheeks. She put a shaking hand to her face and tried to cover the shameful things.

Aurora, who was in such a state of shock that she couldn't even speak, did not move. Her head was spinning. The whole common room was dipping sideways and turning from dark to light. She shook her head and focused her eyes on Lucinda again. Then she put a hand across the table and placed it on her shoulder. "Lucy…" she said in a deadpan. "Lucy… it's okay."

"I just unloaded on you and I'm sorry," her voice was muffled through her hands. "Just please don't say anything and please don't be mad at me. I can't handle it."

"Lucy, it's okay," she repeated. "It… It was definitely a lot to take in, but…" Aurora trailed off and finally seemed to come back to reality. "But Snape?  _Really?_ "

Lucinda's breath shuddered as she fought to gain control of her crying before it turned into a full-fledged sob-fest. "God damn it, I knew I shouldn't have said anything."

"Lucy, I'm not making fun of you," Aurora snapped, fully operational in her mind and tongue again. "This was a lot to take in. Just  _give_ me a minute."

"Give  _you_  a minute?" Lucinda snapped back, pulling her hands away from her face. "Why do you need a minute?  _I_  need a minute! I need a fucking  _week!_ "

"You don't need anything! Nothing has happened!"

Lucinda looked to the ceiling in exasperation and then shook her head, sliding back into her chair in misery. "I wanted to confide in you, Rorie…" she said quietly, head slumping down to stare at the potions book on the table between them. She ceased her crying and wiped the tears from her eyes. "I'm going mad trying to figure this all out on my own and I need you to help me… I need to know I can trust you."

"You can trust me," she nearly yelled it, voice verging on anger. "I just wish you'd said something sooner!"

"Would that have made any difference?" Lucinda asked quietly, still not looking at her.

" _Yes_ ," Aurora hissed. "I would have kept you away from him. I can't  _believe_  he's allowing his emotions to jeopardize the two of you!"

"It isn't him," Lucinda shook her head and looked at the girl seriously, panic evident in her eyes. "He's been nothing but nice—"

"Apparently a little  _too_  nice—"

"—He hasn't done anything! All he's done is spend time with me! It's me who's reading into it, when I shouldn't. I know from a teacher's standpoint, it's almost inappropriate, but from a friendship standpoint, he hasn't done anything to me that would be considered crossing the line. He's just… He's just hugged me a few times."

Aurora leaned forward and sunk her forehead into her hands. "This is crazy," she mumbled, "absolutely  _crazy_. He's the biggest asshole in the school—and a teacher, might I add—and you want to be friends with him. And you… you said you kissed him?" Aurora looked up in question.

Lucinda shifted in her chair. "Yeah, but I was drunk. I don't even think I meant anything by it."

Aurora's eyes widened in disbelief as she shook her head. "Usually kissing someone means something, but okay… And he didn't tell anyone about it?"

"I thought he had," Lucinda continued and her heart started to calm at Aurora's increasing interest. "When McGonagall came to get me to take me to the Headmaster that one night—"

"Okay," Aurora put a hand up between them again. "You're going to have to back up and I mean  _way_  up and start from the very beginning of all of this. I'm talking,  _wayyy_  before the All Hallows Eve Ball."

"O…kay…" Lucinda replied skeptically and glanced around the still-empty common room. "How much do you want to know?"

" _Everything_ ," she replied with the evil glint back in her eyes.

Lucinda swallowed the lump in her throat, took a breath and then did just that. She told Aurora everything.

* * *

"What did you do?"

Snape winced at her advances and tried as he could to get away from the wretched woman. She was so loud and nosy.

"I have done nothing."

"You must have done something," professor McGonagall continued pleasantly in the teacher's lounge. "You have that look on your face. Like you've definitely done something wrong, but you don't want to admit it."

"Dear Merlin, what the hell do you care?"

"Well, I don't," she shrugged and looked at him sideways. "But, you are fairly new here and Dumbledore told me to take you under my wing."

"Yeah, your horrifying wings of despair—"

"I don't think you need any help in the despair category."

"What do you want, McGonagall?" Snape quipped and took a sip from his glass of brandy. He was sitting in front of the fireplace and she stood by the table at the side of the room.

"Nothing, nothing…" she said breathlessly and concentrated on the glass of wine she was pouring. "I'm just enjoying the end of the week with a little minimal celebration and wondering how my colleagues are."

"Go ask Binns, then," he replied with a sneer. "He should be able to tell you how he is and how the rest of the ghost world is."

"You're being exceptionally rude," she motioned with her hand and swirled the glass of wine with her other. "This is why I'm so interested. What have you done today to make yourself so miserable? It's Friday. Let loose a little."

"I don't 'let loose' and nor should you," he said uncomfortably. "You consider yourself a dignified woman, do you not?"

Minerva actually laughed at him. "Yes, I suppose I do," she said with a smile and leaned back against the table. "But, then again, I also like to have fun once in a while. That includes pestering you."

"There's nothing that I've done," he said tightly, staring ahead of him at the flames. "Have your fun somewhere else."

Minerva snorted and swirled the glass of wine again. "Just making a little conversation, Severus," she replied and then drank the glass straight down. She set it atop the table with a sharp  _clink_  and then opened the lounge door. "Have a pleasant weekend. I'll be grading papers and finishing off an astoundingly delicious box of dark chocolates…" Then with a little hum, she left the room.

Snape stared at the spot where she'd just been and rolled his eyes. She was in an even better mood than usual. Strange…

He finished the brandy and set the glass down beside him on the floor. Then Lucinda floated into his mind and wouldn't go away. She actually skipped his class. What was more, he wasn't that surprised by it. After what happened, he'd be lucky if she kept it to herself.

 _No…_  his mind replied instantly.  _She wouldn't say anything. I know she wouldn't._

He had to talk with her again. Things couldn't be left as they were. It would start with just one skipped class, but then she might do it again. She might never smile and wave at him in the Great Hall again. He shouldn't have touched her. He shouldn't have hugged her. He should have left her alone. Now her school work was going to be affected and that  _really_ pissed him off…

* * *

There was a bit of him that was making him extraordinarily angry.

It wasn't just the words that were spewing from his mouth, but the fact that the plan he had congealed was not going as he had first anticipated. His humorless mouth spoke, but it was obviously the spell that spoke, not him, not really. Normally, it would make him laugh. It would make him gleeful and excited. Deranged. Bored. But now it made him weary. It made him cautious. It actually made him think about what was happening and what he was doing.

Lucinda was interested in a man.

She was interested in a man that was maybe interested in her, too. It was too much. It was crazy. It was fantastically exciting and not at all what he thought was going to happen. This was originally going to be an experiment, but it had turned into an unqualified need. This also made him happy. It was unplanned and absolutely necessary.

"What are you going to do?" The blonde boy spoke.

"I'm going to have fun," Tristin replied in an equally even tone. "That's all I ever planned to do was have fun and this isn't going to stop me now."

"She still thinks of you some…" the boy replied in a stiff voice. "It wouldn't take much to bring her back to where she began."

"I'm fine where it is," Tristin said angrily, but then he calmed himself. "Everything is exactly as it should be. Thank you for being the mediator."

The boy's blue eyes stared across the Slytherin canopy bed blankly. "Yes," he replied, the glassy hues not really seeing anything that was there. "She hasn't a clue what's going on…"

Tristin smiled broadly. "No, she does not," he said to himself, adding mentally,  _and neither do you_. "I can't wait until she does…"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not much Snape this time around. Sorry! I'm trying to get this story going and figured out. It's been years since I first created it. You'd think I'd be done by now, but of course I'm not. Not even close for this story. I hope there are people out there who actually like this. For you guys, I continue to write. Until next time :) And please excuse any spelling errors or all-around badly structured sentences.


	21. Inconsistent A-Hole

It had somewhat slipped her mind about Hogsmeade. He'd asked her to go with him (told her to, really) and she'd said she would. She never told him any different.

Well, it was Saturday. It was early on Saturday. Lucinda had woken just before 5am. Her sleep was ripped violently away from her in a horrifying dream. Sitting up with a breathy gasp, she'd nearly cried out, but it was almost impossible to make much of a sound with her voice anyway. Her nightmare had taken her words completely. The more she thought of it, however, the less and less she could remember. The darkness in the room pressed in around her; she could hear the other three girls breathing in their beds and her dream was pulling back and back into her pillow. The edges of it lingered there; fuzzy and crawling a bit, but it was nothing more than a prickling at the back of her neck now and a vision of wooly arms wrapping around her head, suffocating her.

Lucinda shivered and wiped the sweat from under her chin.

There was no one in the common room. She wasn't surprised, but it still disappointed her slightly when she'd walked down there a few minutes later. She wanted someone to talk to. She needed to be pulled all of the way out of her horrible nightmare. She couldn't remember it, but it was sitting there on her shoulders, heavy and sinking its claws deeper into her flesh. She passed the fireplace, glancing at it as she went. The coals were nearly out. Maybe that's why it was so cold in there… Lucinda wrapped her arms around herself and felt with her fingers the sweater she'd put on. Should she put a coat on? No, that would be ridiculous. A jumper was enough. She just needed something hot to eat. She continued her journey out of the common room and through the portrait hole.

She hadn't been thinking clearly, that was evident. If she had, she would have remembered that she never took her sucrosulin. It wouldn't have been that big of a deal just yet, but the day before she had skipped lunch and supper. She was, in a word, starving. Not just physically, but mentally, as well. The lack of glucose in her blood was already starting to eat away at her brain cells. That was probably why it was so difficult to remember her nightmare or remember to do regular things. At least she was smart enough to head to the Great Hall for breakfast. Would it be ready yet? Was she going to have to wait? She thought she might collapse already and she was only one corridor away from Gryffindor Tower.

The halls were dark and felt colder the longer she trudged on. Some of the portraits were waking and said good morning to her, but all she could do was nod at them.

She got all of the way down to the last turn before the main staircase and was stopped in her tracks. She heard a sudden explosion to her right. She turned and looked but saw nothing except a boy's lavatory door; seconds later, water began to stream out from under it. Lucinda stumbled to the puddle, not even bothering to keep from stepping in it. She splashed ahead and then straight through the door, intent on finding out what just happened. She wasn't in her right mind; otherwise, she might've hesitated at least a little.

Upon entering the flooded bathroom, Lucinda heard a wondrous cackling. Seeing no one in there, her eyes shifted skywards. There she saw what was unmistakably the school's poltergeist she'd heard so much about: Peeves. He was swooping around the room on his back with his hands behind his head, laughing gleefully like a child. Lucinda stumbled further into the room, dragging her feet and sloshing through the water. She leaned her back against the porcelain and felt her eyes flutter closed. Peeves let out another cackle and then a fresh burst of water came flooding towards her. He'd blown up another toilet and seemed so happy about it that Lucinda also felt happy for him (crazily happy for him). She let out a soft, amused laugh and looked up at him.

Peeves spun around in the air and laid eyes upon the girl. He looked startled and then he looked evilly delighted.

"What is this?" He crooned wickedly. "Little girly want a swirly? Shouldn't be in the gents' potty room, naughty girly with hair so curly!"

Lucinda laughed again. What had happened to her mind? That's right, it was being eaten away by fatigue.

"Is this amusing to you, as well, little girly?" he questioned, doing a somersault in the air and then "landing" a few inches in front of her.

"Yes," she nodded with her head against the wall. Her eyes stared at him, half-lidded, blurring in and out. "You are very funny, Sir Peeves."

The little man grinned as wide as his stretched face allowed. "Oh-h-h I like that name!" he cried in delight. "No one's called me 'SIR' before! Call me that from now on. Everyone call me that! Bwaha!"

In her mind, Lucinda put her hand up to her mouth to stifle another laugh, but in reality she simply stared at the floating man with a lazy smile. He stared back at her peculiarly.

"Has little girly been nipping on some crème sherry?" He whispered with wide eyes and his wider smile.

Lucinda's own smile faded and she shook her head. "Jus' tired," she replied and turned to head back out of the flooded bathroom. That's right, she was trying to go and get some food. "Jus' wan'ned say hi—" she called over her shoulder (slurred over her shoulder).

"HMMM!" Peeves hummed and swooped back in front of her again. "I think you are lying." He cackled and spun around her in circles. "You have naughty, little, lying eyes."

Lucinda giggled and continued sloshing through the water. "I do not…" she mumbled, bracing herself with a hand against the cold, tiled wall.

"Lying—you're lying!" he cried in merriment and then glided backwards while he faced her. "Should I go and get Snapey? He'll be delighted to know that his little pet is behaving badly while he isn't around—" Peeves wagged his translucent eyebrows at her and stuck his tongue between his teeth for a moment. "—I heard him muttering in his classroom yesterday, while he thought he was alone, you know."

Lucinda's ears perked up and she stopped wading through the rushing water. "What?" was all she could manage, though her eyes stayed slightly more focused on his now.

"Oh-h-h—Not telling! Not telling!" he teased and plugged up his ears comically. "I'm not telling. I am not telling and that's final—oh, alright, I'll tell! He said you skipped his class, so, you are a naughty Gryffindor after all—" He then grabbed her jaw with one hand and squeezed, so that her lips puckered out and she resembled a chipmunk. That made him laugh harder than ever. He stopped soon, though, because Lucinda's eyes closed again and this time they did not open. They were directly in the middle of the doorway, about to pass through it, when her face drooped into his hand, pressing her cheeks up in a bizarre way.

Peeves looked at the hand he still had clasped on her face and shook it from side to side ("Hey, curly girly, wake up!"), but Lucinda continued to slump sideways into the door frame. "Helloooo!" he yelled into her face, the humor slowly starting to ebb away from his gleeful voice. "Did the crème sherry send you to another dimension—hellooooo!" Peeves suddenly let go of her with a huff, tired of the non-responses he was getting. She crumpled on the ground like a lifeless doll and water started soaking into her sweater instantly. Peeves looked down at her, thinking, thinking, thinking… and then he thought possibly something might be wrong; maybe just a little bit. So, of course, he panicked.

"DEAD STUDENT! DEAD STUDENT IN THE BOYS POTTY ROOM!" He bellowed, flying through the air and heading for the Great Hall. "MURDERED MURDERED MURDERED! I DIDN'T DO IT! THE GIRL HAS BEEN MURDERED! COME QUICK, COME QUICK!"

x-x-x

It was 5 in the morning. Severus didn't sleep. Not even a little bit. He didn't expect her to speak to him or even look at him, but skip his class; on purpose? That would have been the logical thing to be upset over. The more he thought about it, however, the more he knew what was bothering him more than anything. She hadn't shown up in the Great Hall for lunch after she left him; still not that surprising, but a little upsetting. When she didn't arrive for dinner, he was going to send Miss Borealis with food for her, but he couldn't get up the nerve for it. Her friend would be suspicious. She'd ask questions. Or maybe she wouldn't… It was too late, anyway, because he never approached the girl. Now he was regretting it. He should have done it, anyway; at least for her safety. Her sugar would be extremely low by now. He hoped she at least had something in her room for her to eat; some emergency items, extra strength doses of sucrosulin, etc… He also hoped she remembered to take it…

His hopeful mind continued down to the Great Hall through the still-dark corridors. He would get there early and wait, to make sure he didn't miss her sneaking in. He would wait right at the entrance doors until she showed up. If breakfast ticked by for any longer than fifteen minutes and she still wasn't down there, he would go look for her. All of her stupid little friends had no idea of her condition and they wouldn't even question her behavior. They wouldn't worry too much if she said she wasn't hungry or just wanted to lie in bed a little longer. They'd leave her. They would leave her! She should have told at least one of them about her illness. All of this secrecy was idiotic.

Snape leaned his back against the wall and listened to the soft moaning of the front doors as a sharp wind gusted against them on the other side. He felt the draft slightly and caught the scent of pines on it. That made him feel calmer, yet saddened at the same time. Winter was coming. It would be there before he knew it. The potions professor closed his eyes and continued to wait.

A few minutes went by and then the sound of slow, tiny footsteps on the marble stairs roused him from his pre-meditation. He blinked and looked to the sound, expecting to see Lucinda descending down toward him, but it was just a Slytherin Prefect (thankfully not Samael). The girl looked exhausted. She stumbled down the stairs and then headed straight for the door to the dungeons. When she saw him, she stopped with her fingertips on the handle.

"Oh, professor," she said sleepily. "I just finished my shift, but I heard Peeves just around the corner up there—" she pointed a thumb behind her, up the stairs where she'd just come. "—and it sounded like he was tearing apart the boy's bathroom… Is it okay if someone else takes care of this one? He doesn't listen to us students, anyway…"

Snape rolled his eyes at her. "I'm busy right now, Miss Terry. Go find The Bloody Baron and ask him to do it."

The girl frowned. "But I don't know where he is… and I'm so tired— Can't I just go to bed? It's 5 in the morning, professor, I'm gonna die from lack of slee—"

"Shut up already and go then!" Snape spat and the girl didn't waste any more time and left. The irritated man headed past the door she'd just went through and then started jumping up the steps two at a time, hands in his robe pockets. Then he continued down the hall at a brisk pace, heavily intent on tearing Peeves a new one. Just as luck would have it, The Bloody Baron came around the corner at the same exact moment, drifting hauntingly along the corridor. Snape waved a hand at him.

"Glad I caught you," he said and motioned for him to follow. "Peeves is having a fit again. Please come and rein him in."

The Bloody Baron followed silently, hollow eyes staring out ahead of him. They saw the water spreading across the stone floor of the corridor before they saw the bathroom itself. A few seconds later and they heard the unmistakable crooning of Peeves.

"—send you to another dimension— hellooooo!"

Well, this was strange. Peeves was talking to someone. What was more, he seemed to be shaking that someone's face. Before he even saw her, Snape felt that it was her. He didn't know why, but it was something deep in his gut and it clenched in a sickening way when he suddenly saw the girl fall to the ground with a SPLASH!

Snape sprinted forward.

"DEAD STUDENT! DEAD STUDENT IN THE BOYS POTTY ROOM! MURDERED MURDERED MURDERED!"

The professor's mind did a complete 360 spin around the hall and then landed back on the girl's limp form. She couldn't really be dead. No way. There was no way. He ran and The Baron stayed right there with him, gliding toward the poltergeist that was now flying towards them in a hysterical panic.

"I DIDN'T DO IT! THE GIRL HAS BEEN MURDERED! COME QUICK, COME QUICK!"

"Shut him up!" Snape growled.

The Baron suddenly shot at Peeves with breakneck speed and clamped a blood-soiled hand over his mouth. The little, floating man froze and stared with terrified eyes at the hollow hues inches from his own. He let out a muffled whimper and then The Bloody Baron slowly pulled him down the hall and out of sight, his hand still in place over the poltergeist's quivering mouth.

Snape was by Lucinda's side less than a second later. He had to check first. Was she alive? He touched her shoulder and shook her a little harder than he really needed to in his own slight panic.

"Mm…" she barely choked out and then fell silent again.

That was enough for him. He gathered her up in his arms and hurried into the flooded bathroom, locking the door behind him. Then he simply sunk to his knees with her. Water spewed up high and showered down on them. Thankfully the water was clear, because this could have been much worse than it already was…

He worked very quickly and with fluidity. He'd worry about the bathroom later; right now he just needed to get some medicine in her… He first shed his outer robes, because they were weighing him down and getting in the way of everything he tried to do. Then he pulled Lucinda up against him, between his legs and let her back lay against his chest; he leaned his own back against the porcelain wall.

"Stay with me, Lucinda…" he mumbled in her ear, as he fumbled in his pocket for the needle and sucrosulin dose he kept there. He found it quickly and wasted no time in sticking her with it. Thank Merlin the door was locked. No one would understand why he needed to pull her wet pants partway down to inject her in the hip rather than the arm. They would think the worst. He already suspected that Albus was suspicious of him in some way. What a thing then to see him with the girl between his legs and him trying to pull her pants down? It would be the end of his life at Hogwarts. He couldn't use her arm, though. It was too dangerous. She was too thin, too fragile… Once the needle had emptied into her bloodstream completely, he placed it back into his pocket.

A moment passed and the color came back to Lucinda's face. Her lips were becoming less blue. She sighed and breathed deeply and evenly. Snape, unable to resist, wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her tightly against him. He leaned his head down and rested his forehead against the back of her neck where her hair clung to her skin and blew out a long, slow, shaky breath. Another moment passed and he felt fingertips graze his clenched knuckles.

"Professor..?" she whispered.

Snape released her and made to scoot back, but he was already against the wall and as far as he could go. "I'm sorry," he said gently. "I cannot move back any further. I'll have to move you if you want to be seated in a different manner."

The girl didn't say anything for a few long minutes. Her back was rigid and she shivered slightly, but she did not move. "I forgot to take my sucrosulin," she finally said and then turned her body some so that her back was now against his outstretched leg. She glanced sideways at him. "You had to save me again…"

"Yes," he said, teeth gritting down slightly. "You're making me very doubtful of whether or not you are still just a child who cannot take care of herself."

Lucinda smiled meekly and shrugged her slumped shoulders. "Guess so…"

Snape sighed agitatedly. "What, you agree? Come on, you need to eat some food." He braced his hands behind him on the wall and pushed up, but Lucinda slowly grabbed the front of his shirt and he stayed still.

"Professor, I…" she started and looked up at him.

He was already halfway raised up the wall. At the look on her face, he lowered back down with a soft plish in the water. "We can talk later," he said, softening his voice as he looked at her saddened expression. "I don't want to lose you now. You're not clear of danger yet. I'm sure you haven't eaten for nearly 24 hours… Besides, we're both going to get sick sitting here in this freezing water. I need to dry us off—"

"I understand," she cut in, nodding encouragingly. "Really, I do, but I just have to tell you, professor Snape…"

Snape felt the familiar jolt in his stomach and had to look away from her.

"I'm sorry… about yesterday," but it was he who said it, not her, "And about now, as well. I can't seem to stay a dignified man in your presence. I find myself childishly needing some type of physical contact with you, as much for my benefit, as yours."

"Severus…" She said quietly and he turned his gaze back to her again, unable to resist when she spoke his name. "I am the childish one. I overreacted and I am sorry. Please forgive me and please be my friend again."

The man tutted and leaned his head back, staring at her through half-closed eyes. "You're crazy if you think I would go through the embarrassment of pleading with you to then deny you as my companion."

Lucinda visibly blushed and then grimaced. "I guess I'm just so used to being the pursuer in this… friendship."

Snape paused and then put a hand to his forehead to wipe away the droplets of water there. "It only seems that way," he replied quietly. "Come on, let's go. I need to clean this place up before it draws any attention."

x-x-x

Snape was able to dry the two of them with a heating charm in combination with a wind charm in a matter of seconds. The bathroom took a little more effort, but with Lucinda's help (even though he'd told her to save her strength), they had the room back to normal in only a few minutes. It didn't even seem to take much effort on the girl's part. He'd noticed her strange ability with water before… He pondered on asking her about it soon, while they walked down the steps to the Great Hall.

She had to keep her hand hooked through one of his arms for support, but she knew once she sat down and ate something she wouldn't need any more help. She just needed to make it to her seat…

Snape looked down at her. He didn't even bother to steal a glance out of the corner of his eye. He stared at her, head turned fully to the side as they walked.

"What is it?" Lucinda mumbled sheepishly.

He looked at her for a beat longer and then turned his head away again. "It angers me…" he began and unconsciously clenched the arm he was holding out for her to lean on for support (Lucinda felt the muscle under her palm flex and she had to swallow very hard to ignore it). "It angers me that you would jeopardize your very health… just to avoid seeing me."

"Oh, Severus, I didn't mean to—"

A warm hand covered her mouth firmly. "Please…" Snape said and spoke quietly into her ear. "Do not use that name now. Anyone could hear you."

Lucinda nodded and he let go of her. They continued around the corner and then entered the Great Hall. Dawn was not yet there. A quick look at the ceiling showed a darkened violet sky with little flecks of stars still glimmering. Snape waved a hand over their heads and the gigantic room was illuminated by a sudden rush of lit torches. Lucinda felt another surge course through her stomach at being witness to his strength. She didn't really get to see him in action when it came to his magic. She had a feeling he was a lot stronger than he looked…

The hall was empty. Not even Dumbledore was up yet. Lucinda looked around as they walked. It was just them and the ghosts. Not another soul was around. It was actually a bit eerie.

So it is still too early for breakfast… She thought to herself.

They were already halfway across the room when Lucinda noticed that they'd passed her table.

"Professor—" she whispered, twisting around to look behind her. "You passed up Gryffindor. I really need to sit d—"

"There's no point in you sitting down there alone," he replied lazily. "You may join me at the staff table until the other staff members begin to arrive."

"I really don't like this—" she said quickly, turning around once again. Her legs gave out the moment she let go of her professor and he caught her before she hit the ground.

"Stop being stubborn!" he snapped and then scooped her up cradle-style, carrying her the rest of the way. If she'd had all of her strength, she might have fought him on it.. Or maybe she still would have let him. She wasn't positive. Though, she did whisper a quick, "This is embarrassing…" into his ear before he set her feet back down on the floor at the end of the staff table. She sat in the chair that was closest to her and Snape took the one next to her. They were quiet at first. Several silent moments slipped by and, although they were laced with tension, they were pleasant. Lucinda was just about to ask if there was some way to get something to eat before breakfast officially started when her plate suddenly filled with two pancakes, a mound of eggs, thick slices of sausages and two goblets in front of her filled with orange juice. She didn't even question it. She started eating immediately, aware that the man at her side didn't take his eyes off of her the entire time.

After one whole pancake was gone, half the eggs and bacon eaten and one large drink of orange juice later, Lucinda breathed a few calming breaths, wiped her mouth with her napkin and finally turned to meet her professor's gaze. He did not falter.

"Why are you staring at me?"

"You're not going to do this again," he said in a low voice.

Lucinda shuddered involuntarily. "It isn't that I meant to—"

"I don't just mean about the sucrosulin," he continued, voice descending still into a state of caution. "I'm talking about the eating habits… among other things."

"What is that supposed to mean—"

Snape put a finger to his lips. "Shut up," he whispered. "I don't care if I hurt your feelings if I know you'll be safe… even if it means making you hate me every day."

She was going to speak again, but he would have told her to shut up, regardless. She continued to eat and he continued to stare.

"I'm only watching you to make sure you eat," he said after a while and settled back into his chair, finally taking his eyes off of her face. "You've been frightening me lately… and that is incredibly significant coming from me."

Lucinda swallowed her last bite of pancake and said even more quietly, "I know."

"To which part?"

The girl took a long gulp from her juice and wiped her mouth again. "The 'coming from you' part," she replied with a long side-glance. "You haven't really been one to open up since I've met you… and you also don't strike me as someone who would be afraid of anything."

Severus leaned forward and rested his elbows on the table. The fake sky above them was beginning to lighten. It was changing to smoky lavender now. "You're right," he spoke to the near empty room, eyes still gazing skyward. "I am not afraid of much of anything…"

Lucinda didn't pick her fork up again. She watched her professor's profile in the fuzzy glow of early morning and felt herself smiling. "What are you afraid of?" she asked, the amusement not completely hidden from her voice.

The man said nothing. He turned a hardened stare on her and she cringed on the inside. "I'm afraid of walking into a room that I expect you to be in… and you're not in it."

It sounded almost childish, but Lucinda heard the words for what they were. He was pissed about her skipping his class; hurt even. Was it possible for Professor Snape to be hurt by such a thing? He was holding her gaze too intensely and eventually she had to look away. "Why would you be afraid of that?" she asked, uncomfortably.

He waited for her to look at him again. When she didn't, he turned to stare ahead at the rows of student tables below them. They would be filling up in the next hour. They would need to continue this conversation later, as well…

"Where did I find you this morning, Miss Morgan?" he asked sharply.

Lucinda looked at him in surprise. "Is there a reason you're calling me by my surname, professor?" She didn't mean to sound so bitter. It was one thing calling him by his first name, but he had almost always called her 'Lucinda'. She realized she didn't like it when he called her by her last name. That usually meant that he was angry with her…

Oh.

"You didn't answer the question, Miss Morgan," he said in the same sharp tone.

Lucinda pushed her plate away from her a little and then folded her arms across the top of the table. "I'm sorry," she replied with a shrug. "I was distracted last night. I didn't eat. I was on my way to do that this morning."

"This early?"

"Well, I hadn't meant to get up this early," she shrugged again. "I just woke up because… because…" Her mind drifted to that place it hadn't been able to find earlier; that locked away memory that stayed hidden while she was hungry and disoriented. Now it came back to her. She felt the fear and the sweat creep up her chair and tickle its way along her spine and around her throat, where it grasped her with a scratchy palm.

"Lucinda what's wrong?" Snape's voice cut through her memory like a wall of fire and she shook herself.

"I'm sorry—" she wiped her forehead (which had already begun to perspire) and took another sip of juice. "I just remembered why I was up so early. I'd had a nightmare. It… it was one of the worst ones I've had since I was a kid. I was somewhere really dark… cold… There was something else there with me and it was trying to hurt me. I remember smelling something awful… The most awful thing you could imagine."

Snape watched her cautiously. He didn't like the look on her face or the shudder in her breath.

"It wasn't like dirty garbage or anything rotting, like you would imagine a horrible smell to be…" she continued, suddenly unable to eat anything else (Snape was thankful she'd eaten nearly everything on her plate, though). "It was fouler—like in a more… inappropriate way. I don't know how else to describe it. It was bad. It was ugly and sickening. It was suffocating and smoldering and wrong…"

"Hey." Snape put a hand under her chin and made her look at him. "Calm down, Gryffindor Girl…" he said softly and drug a thumb across her bottom lip like he had done before. "It was a dream and nothing more. It can't hurt you now."

Lucinda closed her eyes in relief at his touch. She shouldn't allow herself to succumb to it, but it was nearly impossible when he did a complete 180 and turned into such a concerned, tender-hearted man.

"Thank you again for saving me," she replied, eyes still closed, soaking up every moment that his hand was on her face. Too soon he let go of her.

"Don't thank me again and I mean it," he said, sounding slightly irritated. "You can thank me by never putting me in that situation again."

"I know," she nodded and opened her eyes to look at him from under her lashes. "I'm glad it's you who does it, though… For some reason I'm not ashamed of my weakness in front of you. If it was anyone else… I'd probably die before I let them find out."

"That is exactly your problem!" he snapped. He had been swayed by the loving look she was giving him, but the words—the words! There were those foolish words again. How could someone so smart be so damn stupid?! "You're an idiot, you know that?" He really meant to keep that last part to himself. He was trying to stay on her good side, but what she said just… REALLY PISSED HIM OFF.

"Why are you being so mean?" she asked incredulously. "Are you bipolar or what? One minute you're stroking my god damn face in affection and the next you're calling me an idiot! And you wonder why I need reassurance that you still want to be my friend! No one—not even your best student, which is me, by the way—could ever figure you out!"

While he was still shocked to silence, Lucinda stood up from the table and walked around it before he had a chance to stop her. She was already halfway across the room (her strength obviously back) when Snape finally composed himself and bolted after her.

She heard his feet thundering behind her and she felt a flurry to take off running. It's kind of an instinct when you feel something running up behind you; you want to get away! So, out of reflex, Lucinda sprinted off to the side of the room and flew behind one of the tables, spinning around to face her attacker.

Snape slammed his palms down on the table top between them and caught his breath. "Why…" he gasped. "Why the hell are you running from me?!"

"I didn't mean to!" she snapped. "But I'm mad now, so please leave me alone!"

"Oh god damn it, little girl, come here!"

"No!" she shook her head like a real little girl. "Not until you learn to be consistent with how you treat me!"

"I am consistent!" he yelled. "I consistently tell you when you're being an idiot and I consistently show you affection when it's warranted!"

Lucinda stared at him, her jaw set and her eyes nearly bugging out with rage. "You know what?" she said with a shake in her voice. "You told me before that I shouldn't be friends with you because you're a teacher… But that was completely beside the point. I shouldn't be friends with you because you are an asshole!" She was screaming in her head to shut up even as her mouth was speaking, but nothing could have stopped her. Maybe it really just needed to be said, especially by her. Either way, it definitely had an impact on him, because he suddenly launched himself over the table to get to her.

Lucinda squealed and jumped back, but he already had his hands gripped around her upper arms. Before she could even do anything, he backed her into the stone wall. "Why would you say that to me?" he said through clenched teeth and shook her slightly.

"Why else?" she whispered, refusing to let him scare her. "It's true, isn't it? Does it upset you to hear me say it?" She let the last part come out with the anger that she felt.

Snape squeezed harder on her arms and stared into her face. "Yes," he finally said with obvious difficulty.

Lucinda's face softened. "And yet you won't change?" she whispered.

Snape held her gaze and eventually trailed his eyes down to her mouth and stared at her lips. He was certain she wasn't meaning to breathe so heavily, but she was. He tried to look back up to her eyes, but he couldn't. All he could think about was the flesh under his fingers and the breath that was spreading over his own lips. He felt his insides twisting uncontrollably and fought to keep his composure.

"Severus…?" she whispered.

The man groaned and shut his eyes. Then he leaned forward, closing the distance between them, and rested his forehead against hers. He heard her intake of breath, but tried to ignore it. Every little sound she made was just fueling his fire and he had to make it stop. He couldn't succumb to his feelings, as he knew now exactly how he really felt about her. The fighting also made it worse. He shamefully liked it when she yelled at him and he had to admit (at least to himself) that sometimes he pushed her into it; to get angry with him, call him names, try to strike him…

"Um…" she said, though she didn't try to struggle away from him. "Severus, are you okay—"

One of his hands instantly covered her mouth. Their noses were touching and at that moment he remembered the feeling of her lips on his. It was agony. He was going to do it. He was going to ruin everything. He already knew he was going to try to kiss her if he didn't get away from her in the next five seconds. And she wouldn't understand. She'd freak. She would run from him yet again and this time she wouldn't be back.

Then there were footsteps outside in the entrance hall and he was forced to break the spell he was being smothered by.

Snape tore away from her in a split second and not a moment later, he was already behind the staff table; Lucinda was left panting slightly, still on the wall. She'd heard the footsteps, too, but she didn't have a chance to readjust herself. She stared as the person came into the Great Hall.

"There you are," said Aurora.

Lucinda's heart skipped. She did not glance over at the staff table and hoped that her friend wouldn't either. It was inevitable, though. Aurora did look at the staff table, just as Snape was sitting at his place. The girl looked back at the other against the wall, her eyes closing to a skeptical sliver. "Lucy…" she said slowly. "What's going on here?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UGH ISN'T THIS FUGGIN GREAT? I am a fan of suspense, cliff-hangers and unspoken, smoldering feelings of desire. Can't you tell? So sorry for the wait on this one! Life has been crazy. Don't I always say that? I probably should… Truth is life isn't that crazy. I just can't do two things at once and lately I've been trying to do several things at once. Alas, I am caught up in my own affairs and neglect my fanfiction because of it. Shame on me! And shame on you guys for reading this crap! Just kidding. Mostly… I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I honestly am sorry that it isn't any better than this. If I wrote it to perfection (the way I want to), I would only get a chapter up once every… five years?! Srsly tho. If you like this, I love you. If you hate this, I love you, but might poison you like a desperate housewife. Ta-ta for now~!


	22. The Barrier Breaks

"Lucy… What's going on here?"

Aurora was looking back and forth between the two of them. Lucinda couldn't see how Severus looked, because she refused to turn her gaze that way. Honestly, she hoped he wasn't looking in their direction either, because Aurora was glaring at him with such a fierceness that she was sure he'd see right through her; he'd know that she'd told her… everything. Thankfully, nothing had really happened. He'd grabbed her in anger, but nothing more. Covered her mouth, but nothing more. Breathed against his hand that clothed her lips and nothing more… She pretended it meant nothing. He was like this with everyone… but he wasn't. That would be nuts.

"Are you okay?"

Lucinda looked back at her friend, who was now standing next to her, peering into her face. "I-I'm fine," she stammered. She composed herself and mentally shook her nerves out. "Sorry, I had a nightmare this morning and I… I guess I'm still a little shaken up." She looked over at the staff table, but Snape was looking off to the side of the room, his fingertips to his temple (a stance she'd seen on him many times while he was thinking). Lucinda sat down at Gryffindor table and her friend followed.

"A nightmare?" Aurora repeated, eyes not leaving her friend as she, too, sat down. "Why didn't you wake me?"

"I'm sorry, Rorie," Lucinda said quietly (a little uncomfortably). "I didn't want to bother you. It was really early."

"So you woke him instead?" she asked bitterly, jerking her head in the direction of the man.

"No," Lucinda said just as bitterly, but out of annoyance for her friend rather than her anger toward said professor. "He was already here. We talked and he somehow got me breakfast before it was time for it…" She trailed off and stared ahead, thinking, once again, about the kindness and compassion he'd shown her, despite the unstable end to their morning…

Aurora fidgeted, looking up at the front of the hall. "Well…" she said with agitation. "Why is he quiet now? What, just because I'm here, he can't speak to you anymore? If nothing is going on that shouldn't be, then he has nothing to hide—"

"Rorie, stop it!" Lucinda hissed and looked at her professor out of the corner of her eye. "You said you wouldn't say anything… He doesn't know I told you about… about everything. He'll never speak to me again."

"So?"

"Rorie, please."

The white-haired girl watched her friend's face. Then she smirked. She was only having fun. It wasn't like she'd actually say anything or tell anyone anything. After all, like they agreed last night, there was nothing to tell because there was nothing there. Aurora turned her eyes of golden fire back on their potions master. He was staring off, looking bored, absolutely careless. Was all of this some kind of stepping stone in his life or what?

"Hey professor!" she suddenly called across the hall and Lucinda jumped at the outburst. "Look, Lucy's here! Isn't that great that she's still going to school here? I thought she was a goner for sure—!"

"Rori-e-e-e," Lucinda whined. "Please, I am begging you. Stop this."

"I am not doing anything I said I wouldn't," the pretty blonde whispered and winked at her. "I'm only having a bit of fun now that I've got some dirt on him."

Lucinda groaned and hoped Snape would ignore the things she was yelling.

"Yes," she whispered back. "But you will never use the dirt on him so what's the p—"

"It is absolutely a treasure that she is still here, Miss Borealis."

The two girls stopped their whispering and turned to look at the man who had spoken. Snape now looked at them from across the hall and his eyes flashed in the light of the torches. "After all," he continued in a normal voice, but it carried perfectly across the room and into their ears. "I don't know how you would survive even a single day more without her in Potions. I was already tempted to fail you in your next exam. Perhaps Miss Morgan can whisper little instructions to you and I'll look the other way…"

Aurora's beautiful eyes were popping out of her head. Snape had definitely rendered her speechless.

"No? Well, come now, don't you want to pass the class?" Snape smirked wickedly and both girls shuddered. "You couldn't possibly make it through 'til the end of the year without her help… What's wrong? Nothing left to say to me this morning? Or have you really got nothing else left in that stupid, little head of yours—"

Lucinda shot up from her seat. "Stop it!" she yelled. "You can't help it, can you? You just have to make everyone as miserable as you are! Rorie doesn't deserve that!"

"TEN POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR!" he belted back, shooting up from his own seat (the force of which threw his chair back and crashed it to the floor).

Aurora froze in her seat, caught in the crossfire of their sudden screaming match.

"That's fine!" Lucinda raged. "Take all the points you want! It doesn't change the truth!"

"Remarkable!" He seethed sarcastically. "Ten more points! Want to go for an even forty for the morning?!"

"You can't just take points away from someone, because you don't like what they're saying!"

"Sure I can," he sneered and crossed his arms. "I can do whatever I want. Because I'm the professor and you're the student."

"Dear Merlin," Rorie whispered to the ceiling passionately. "Get me the fuck out of here."

"That is the most childish thing you have ever said to me," Lucinda shook her head with a bitter laugh. "Well, you're right, professor. I am the student and you are the teacher. That's it! I must obey and keep my mouth shut, is that right?"

"For the most part," he growled, nostrils flaring. "YES."

Lucinda opened her mouth, but, of course, no words came. He was appalling at this moment. He truly was. He was being vile on purpose. He just couldn't help putting up this mask of hate in front of Aurora. What was the point? Did he think that it would help anything or throw anyone off his trail of supposed friendship? And what was so bad about that? The more Lucinda thought about the absurdity of it all, the angrier she got.

"You…" she said, teeth clenched, voice uncommonly low. "You… I WISH YOU HADN'T BEEN THERE THIS MORNING!" Then she turned on her heel and fled the Great Hall.

Snape was right on her, ignoring the other girl as he passed her on his way out. Aurora watched them go and stayed where she was. She decided she didn't want to get in the middle of it. It was fun at first, but god damn they were both mental.

x-x-x

Snape had only a moment to scream at her that she had detention, before the girl disappeared up the marble staircase. He heard her yell back a snotty, "GOOD!" and then her footsteps faded away. He grumbled incoherently and then slammed his way through the doors to the dungeon and spent the rest of the morning in his office, pacing.

Lucinda headed to the library.

No one was in there, of course. Well, except for Madam Pince. She was just getting ready to put away several stacks of books when she looked up and saw Lucinda.

"Need something, Miss Morgan?"

She shook her head as she walked to the last aisle in the room. "No, I've had an early breakfast, so I thought I'd catch up on some of my studies. I missed the entire day of lessons yesterday…"

She heard the librarian tut behind her. "Kids these days will miss class for any reason. Might as well not mope around about it. Get your studies finished and don't miss anymore lessons. It's your last year here, is it not?"

"My only year here, ma'am," Lucinda said quietly and sat at the window. She could see the Black Lake from her seat. The sun had just come up and it was throwing golden light all over the place off the top of the water. It blinded her a little and she looked back down at the table. She had nothing in front of her. She hadn't brought any books, but luckily she was, you know, in a library. There was plenty to read here…

Madam Pince had quickly forgotten about her and was back to re-shelving some subjects in the Herbology section. Lucinda stood and walked the aisles. She'd never heard it so quiet in there before, library or not. There was always a whispering pair of voices, a sniffle or a cough, a book being dropped, a candy wrapper being crinkled… Now it was just her. The new sunshine coming in through the window glass was a deep red at first and cast the room and shelves in an eerie glow. Then, very quickly, the sun rose higher and gold filled the room and then pure white as it washed over everything that wasn't in shadow. Lucinda breathed deeply and took in the scent of all of the books and words around her. She ran her fingertips along their spines as she drifted by, trying to reclaim some sense of peace in her mind. That morning had really been one for the books… She glanced around her at said books and smirked to herself. Oh, she was only funny when no one else was around.

An hour and a half passed and with it Lucinda had read through the first several chapters of a potions book. This was one that seemed as basic as any of the others in the library, but she thought she'd give it a shot anyway. She paused and turned the book to look at the cover.

The Ocean Deep, The Forest Wide

"A look into the simplest, yet most sought after ingredients for experimentation."

It definitely had potential… The only problem was just that: a problem. She ran into it every time… This was something fairly new. She hoped someone would have already started some kind of experimenting with it, but so far none had been found. The only thing she had left was to try what her first instincts were telling her… and that was the Kudu sap.

Ah shit.

The damn Kudu sap. Why did he have to lose it? And now it was inevitably the day he'd asked her to go with him to Hogsmeade. Would he still want her along after that huge fiasco just an hour or so ago? Did she even want to go?

Lucinda plopped her chin in her hand and stared out the window at the school grounds. She saw the one they called "Hagrid" clamber out of his wooden hut and walk a yard or so forward. Then she saw him raise a great, meaty hand up and wave it enthusiastically. A second later and someone with flaming hair came into view, walking towards the gamekeeper. Lucinda had the distinct impression that it was probably Xavier Michael. She watched him sprint forward and do a great leap into the air, landing with a "high-five" against his companion's much bigger hand. Hagrid patted the boy's shoulder and then the two of them walked back toward the little hut. Lucinda thought they were going to go inside when Hagrid pulled on the handle, but then something large and grey came bolting out of the front door. She couldn't help but get excited watching the scene. X and Hagrid spent the next ten minutes chasing this grey blur around the vegetable patch outside of Hagrid's house and then clear over toward the beautiful Womping Willow tree. She giggled quietly to herself, watching the whole predicament, at the same time hoping desperately that none of them would get smacked by a tree branch as they went dipping in and out of the furious thing. They eventually caught the grey blob, but she still couldn't tell what it was. Then they entered Hagrid's hut and were gone from sight; the only indication that they were there was the little stream of smoke billowing up from the tiny, crooked chimney.

"Something amusing out there?"

Lucinda jumped and twisted her head around to look at the person who had spoken.

"Tristin!" she cried.

The boy stood there in an elegant, yet strong stance. He was just a couple feet away from her. Upon seeing the not-yet-angry look on her face, he approached the table. "Hey," he said, grinning with his hands in his pockets. "Is it alright for me to speak with you..?"

Lucinda nodded enthusiastically. "Of course!" she said with her own childish grin and then motioned at the seat across from her. "Please, sit down."

Tristin did just that and settled back into his chair. He didn't say anything at first, only looked at her. Then he said quietly, "So…" and ran a hand through his dark locks, scratching slightly at his scalp with his slender fingernails. "I uh… realize we haven't really spoken much lately."

"It's my fault," Lucinda blurted before he could say anything more and shook her head at her lap. "I never gave you a chance to explain yourself about the dance…"

"True, true…" he nodded, smiling at her in a sly way, yet playful at the same time.

Lucinda smiled back, suddenly unable to stay even remotely mad at him. "Oh don't agree and make me feel worse!" she cried and covered her face. "I feel so stupid for getting so upset."

Tristin shook his head in turn and leaned forward with his elbows on the table. "Don't feel stupid, Lucy," he said seriously. "I really thought I blew it. I mean, I would have been upset if it was the other way around. You know… if you had chased after some other guy and… never came back…"

A slight blush began to fill her cheeks and she was conscious of whether or not he noticed. "There's no one else I would have ran after…" she said quietly and then a thought struck her and she looked at him with interest. "Besides," she continued, conversationally. "It's not like you were being… um, romantic with anyone else. You were chasing after your cousin. I understand that. Family comes first—"

"You knew she was my cousin?" He asked, suddenly looking at her in a peculiar way.

Lucinda tried to decipher what it was she saw in his eyes, but she couldn't. "Well, honestly, no, I didn't know at the time…" she mumbled slightly, rubbing the back of her neck. "I thought you were interested in someone else… You know, had more pressing matters than to be at a silly dance with me—"

"Lucy," he said even more serious this time and even reached a hand across the table, but then withdrew it. "Nothing I ever do with you is 'silly'. And I'm not trying to treat you like… like a child."

"I didn't mean to say that before!" she slipped in, lowering her voice at the look on Madam Pince's face (although they were the only ones in the library at the time). "I was kind of… unapproachable at first about the dance and I'm sorry. You just caught me off guard and I reacted badly." She remembered thinking something very similar only a day before, but she pushed it from her mind.

"Ah, come on," Tristin said cheerfully, giving her a toothy grin. "Like I was trying to say before, I don't consider our time together childish or silly in the slightest. I hope you realize that. I know it's kind of sudden and we haven't known each other very long… but I honestly care a lot about you… You do realize that, don't you?"

Lucinda shifted uncomfortably and tried not to smile. She shouldn't feel giddy from him saying things like this to her, but she did. She simply shrugged her shoulders and tried not to meet his gaze, looking instead at the stone along the window pane.

"Well, I do," he said clearly and she could hear the smile in his voice. She looked up at him and the sunshine lighting up the side of his face made her gasp a little bit. She hoped again that he wouldn't notice. He really had a beautiful face and she found herself unable to look away from him after that.

"So!" he said, a little distracted. "I hope that we can possibly… move past this now? That is…" he glanced up at her and then back down at his hands across the table. "If… If you don't think that I tried to blow you up."

At first Lucinda just stared at him. Her stomach did a flip and she was extremely confused. Then, all at once, she remembered the incident in potions class with the Dagala and Snape's accusations against Tristin. Well, shit.

"No, no, no, no," she said quickly, waving her hands about in front of her to physically stop him from saying anything more. "No, I never thought that! I swear! Please, don't think that I would ever even consider that you could do such a thing."

Tristin looked at her and then away, shapely black eyebrows drawing down in concern. "Are you sure you… Are you sure you trust me? Because, lately, it seems like you've been avoiding me…"

"I have been wanting to talk to you, Tristin!" Lucinda suddenly cried, earning another sharp look from the librarian. "It's been a little unbearable—" she continued in a whisper. "—wondering whether or not you still wanted to speak to me."

Tristin suddenly pulled his mouth into a wondrous grin and leaned forward, across the table. "I always want to speak to you," he whispered even softer and held her gaze as long as she would allow it. She held it for 15 whole seconds and then she had to look away as another blush graced her delicate features.

"You liar," she whispered back with a smile.

The Slytherin Prefect reached a hand across the table, but he didn't take hers. He left it there only mere centimeters from her own and watched her. Eventually, she slid her hand forward a little until her knuckles just barely grazed the tips of his fingers. Mostly, she was just curious. A moment passed and he lifted two of those fingers to touch against hers. She felt the electricity and her heart sped up. As much as she wanted to enjoy this moment, out of nowhere, she felt something else stir in the bowels of her subconscious. It was a slight feeling of dread, anxiousness; it made her pull back. Tristin noticed it instantly.

"What's wrong, Lucy?" he asked, voice rising slightly to signify his concern.

Lucy swallowed and shook her head. "I had a nightmare last night, that's all," she answered with the same excuse she gave her friend only a couple of hours earlier. "I guess it really bothered me. I've been jumpy all morning."

Tristin pulled his own hand back and into his lap. He titled his head and looked at her quizzically. "Do you want to talk about it?"

She thought about it. For some reason, telling anyone else except Severus seemed a waste of time. She didn't feel right talking about it with another person just yet… or perhaps she just didn't want to relive it again so soon.

"No, that's alright," she replied with a half-hearted smile at him. "I kind of want to forget about it, honestly."

Tristin's wide mouth pulled into that bizarre smirk that made her heart flutter and said, "Well, that's alright… I'm always here if you have another one."

Lucinda mumbled a quick "thanks" and then stared out the window again. She could feel him watching her. It made her stomach do somersaults.

"So, what kind of plans do you have this weekend?" he asked after a while.

"Um, not a whole lot," she said, dragging her thumb across the tops of her fingers. "I'll probably catch up on some school work, do a few experimental potions, you know, the usual…"

"Ah," Tristin said, amused. "Perhaps take a walk with a friend?"

Lucinda's face grew to a deeper pink. "Perhaps…" she teased, still not looking up at him.

Tristin nodded, leaning back and folding his arms across his chest. "Well… if you would like to meet up with me…" He let his sentence trail off, wanting her to finish it or question him about it. He wanted her to be curious… to be eager.

Lucinda looked up. "You want to meet up?" she asked, eyebrows rising in pleasant interest. "When?"

Tristin Samael sighed and closed his eyes. I've got you now, little Gryffindor, he thought wickedly to himself. I've got you so easily now and it's laughable.

"Are you up to… breaking the rules?" he finally asked, looking at her from under his long lashes.

She felt her heart stop and without thinking she said, "Okay."

Now, what had made her say that so quickly? Who knew, but she'd already agreed. And she was excited, despite the fact the rule-breaking could get her expelled. When Tristin was near her, she only wanted to be near him. She didn't know when it had happened, but it did. Regardless of the trouble she could get in, she wanted to be there with him, whatever he was doing. Maybe this is what they meant when they said Slytherins were evil-doers. Well, if seduction was a form of evil (which, she was pretty sure it was), then they were right. Tristin was evil… because she definitely felt seduced.

And she didn't care.

x-x-x

It had been several hours. Breakfast had come and gone. He hadn't even eaten anything. He argued with the wretched girl and then sulked in his office. But she wasn't wretched. She was a bright light in his world of darkness. Every time he thought he might be pulling himself out of the depths of that darkness, he'd let go of her golden rope and allow himself to wallow once more in his own demented soul. He was still punishing himself. He knew that. He couldn't control it, though. He would probably never stop punishing himself… not fully, anyway. He could distract himself for a while… Was Lucinda a distraction?

He thought seriously about it. No, he concluded as he made his way upstairs. She is not a distraction. She is distracting. I have to find other things to distract myself from thinking of her…

She was definitely not the distraction. She was the whole point of needing it. When had she become significant? It was strange, he couldn't remember now… It might even have been the ride in the carriage with her, up to the castle for the first time. He had been mean to her that night, just because she was in Gryffindor… It really wasn't that surprising of a thing for him to be pissed off about, but she didn't deserve it. He just wanted her for himself. He'd seen the intelligence in her eyes and he'd wanted that intelligence around him. He wanted to soak it up, not that he needed it or anything… He simply wanted it.

Lucinda could end up being his equal counterpart in potions. He considered this many times. Spending time with her was… logical. They were of the same intelligence, were they not? Weren't they? Studying together and building their knowledge about magic together was a completely logical thing. Why shouldn't he pursue more time spent with her? More late nights crowded around a cauldron or a potions book of her choice. Perhaps even a dark arts book… He could teach her things no one else would…

"Hello, professor, you're looking well."

Snape glanced up and only just realized he'd been staring at the tiled floor as he walked. One of the portraits to his right was smiling at him. It was an older man. He thought he remembered him from his days as a student at the school, but he couldn't be sure. He'd tried to forget those days…

"Good morning, sir," Severus nodded gingerly and continued his journey to the library, where he hoped (no, he knew) that she would be.

"Any more problems with Peeves today?"

Snape slowed his steps and then stopped altogether, turning around to look at the portrait again. "What?" he asked a little too forcefully.

The portrait must have been used to this kind of snippy attitude from him, however, because he shrugged at the potions master. "Just wondering… You know he can't keep quiet. He's been screaming it up and down the halls for hours."

Snape sighed loudly in frustration and slumped his shoulders. "What has he been saying?" he asked quickly, walking the few steps back to the framed old man.

"THERE WAS A STUDENT MURDERED!" the man suddenly belted, though his face stayed perfectly calm and even smiled a little. "Apparently a student has been murdered and you covered it up, Professor Snape."

Severus grimaced at him. "Trust me, sir," he said deadly quiet. "The moment I murder a member of the Hogwarts family, I will not cover it up… and you'll know about it." Then he walked away without another word. The portrait watched him go with wide, terrified eyes.

Snape tried not to laugh. It wasn't like he was serious. He was just tired of the bullshit. Like he would kill anyone… There was only one person he would kill… Well, maybe a couple people if it really came down to it, but only one he would not hesitate to off if he had the chance… but that someone was gone now, for good. No use thinking about it anymore. And that lead him to his previous, guilty thoughts of not forgiving himself for his past mistakes. With those memories in his mind, he turned the last corner to the corridor the library resided on and almost stopped directly in his tracks again.

There she was. She was just leaving the library. He knew he'd find her here. What he didn't know was that she wouldn't be alone. There was the possibility that she was with one of her friends—there was always the possibility of that, but this… this was not good. This was not right. This was not fair. Why was he with her? Why did he have an arm draped so vulgarly across her shoulders? Why, why, WHY was she smiling up at him with dotingly, doughy eyes?

Severus tried to remain calm, but his anger was boiling off of him like thin pieces of paper curling up in a blazing fire. He needed to get control. He could be mad, but he could not show it. The moment he even shared an inkling of how he was feeling, he knew he'd hit him and he wouldn't stop. Lucinda didn't understand and that was really because he'd never told her: the reasoning behind his loathing of Tristin Samael. He hated him before, but now he had a completely different reason to hate him and that was because of the arm around the girl's shoulder. It was different when he saw them dancing at the Ball. Anyone could dance. It was irritating, but it could be very formal in its own way, but THIS… His greasy, little arm was touching her so casually and it was insulting. He wanted to rip that arm off. However, it was nothing to what happened next.

"Professor," Lucinda said in surprise, having only just noticed him after she finally tore her eyes away from the boy who was pressed against her side.

"Hello, Miss Morgan…" he said tightly, face unusually blank. "Mr. Samael…" He turned his threatening eyes on the boy.

Tristin looked back at him and tilted his head. "Well, hello there, Professor Snape!" he said cheerfully and then visibly tightened his grip on Lucinda's shoulder, closing one of his eyes in the process.

Did he wink? Did he just see the little fucker wink?!

"Having a pleasant morning?" Snape asked, his composure falling slightly. He had a feeling his eye might be twitching in his fury, but he hoped not. Lucinda was watching. What was worse, Samael Scum was watching and waiting for him to break. The little fucker knew somehow—he knew! He was displaying her in front of him on purpose!

"Oh yes, it's been a very pleasurable morning," Samael said in his silkiest voice. Lucinda couldn't see the look in his eyes, because all she could do was look at her professor. She knew he hated Tristin. Why would she continue standing there like that?

Snape's jaw clenched so tightly he thought his teeth might crack and he nearly let out a snarl. "That so," he stated instead, barely moving his lips. "Were you going somewhere?"

"Um—" Lucinda started, trying to find her voice, but was interrupted.

"Nowhere in particular," Tristin said with a smile and gripped her shoulder with that incessant hand again. "I was actually just saying goodbye to Lucy. We have plans later, though…" He slowly pulled his arm away from her and Snape felt relief start to wade around him… but it was short-lived. "I guess I'll see you then?" Samael added, looking down at her with a smirk. Lucinda was too afraid to look at him. Her eyes were locked with her teacher's, but she nodded a confirming "yes" at the Slytherin boy. If that wasn't the worst part of it, the boy suddenly leaned down, grasped her jaw and then placed a quick but soft kiss on her cheek.

Severus couldn't hold it in after that. A flurry of emotions rushed out of him at once and the windows to his right exploded into a million sharp fragments and showered across the stone floor. Lucinda yelped and covered her ears. Tristin didn't move a muscle. If anything, Snape thought he saw him smirk again. It was absolutely infuriating.

Before anyone could question him about the broken windows, however, Peeves zoomed past and screamed, "Oooo! Break-y noises! I so love those break-y noises!"

Lucinda watched him as he flew by and then shivered. Severus and Tristin both looked at her, but Tristin was the one to speak next.

"Oh, it's alright, Little Lucy," he cooed at her and rubbed her back, all the while his eyes had shifted back to the potions professor. "Peeves is just having another one of his… tantrums."

Snape's top lip twitched and he almost couldn't control his increasing rage any longer. Thankfully, with a quick goodbye to the both of them, Samael left the scene, brushing past the potions master with a saunter. It took everything he had (and he had a lot) not to throw his arm out and catch the boy around the throat and then choke the very last shuttering breath out of him. He wanted to see the vessels pop in his eyes; watch with pleasure as blood pooled in his nostrils and ran down his stupid, powder-white cheeks. He wanted to feel the last pump that his heart could beat as the utter life left him. He wanted to kill him. He truly wanted to kill him.

"P-Professor?" Lucinda's voice cut through the darkness that was consuming him once more and his eyes focused on hers. "Are… are you okay?"

"Why wouldn't I be okay?" he asked and his tone shocked even him. It was so dementedly cryptic that Lucinda took a step back from him. That's not what he wanted. He didn't want her to be afraid of him.

Stop looking at me like that! He yelled in his mind. Can't you see what the hell is going on right now?!

He realized fairly soon that he'd need to get ahold of himself, but he wasn't going to do that here. She kept looking at him with those wide eyes and glancing nervously at the shattered glass at her feet. It was no use. She was scared. And he needed to compose himself. He needed to leave. Snape gave a frustrated look to the broken windows and took his wand out to fix the damage. Still, he said nothing as the shards of glass flew back into place and the windows were intact again. He silently walked past her after that, but she grabbed his sleeve and he stopped. He closed his eyes and counted to three. He tried to make his face as blank as he could when he opened them again and looked down at her.

"Yes, Gryffindor Girl?" he questioned quietly.

"Where are you going?" she asked quickly and her eyes shifted back and forth, looking over his face to try and read what was going on in his head.

"I am going somewhere…" he said, trailing his eyes down to watch the hand that still had a hold of his cloak. "I am going somewhere not here." He knew he sounded idiotic, but for fucks sake, he could not think right now.

"I-I have detention with you," she stammered out. "When do you want me to serve it?"

He looked at her face again and his brow drew down in agitation. "Whenever. Never. I don't care," he spoke with a snip in his voice and then he quite roughly pulled his sleeve out from between her little fingers. He started to walk again and she followed.

"We were supposed to go to Hogsmeade today," she called to his back and he noticed the hint of panic in her voice. What the hell was her problem? Now she suddenly wanted to be on his good side? "You… asked me to go with you today, right?"

Snape stopped again, but he didn't turn around. He turned his head to the side a little and called back to her, "Not anymore."

Lucinda felt something new stir in her gut. She didn't know what it was, though. She just knew that she didn't want him to walk away. "Um—" she tried, as he started to leave the hall, yet again.

"Lucinda, take a damn hint and leave me alone!"

His words cut her and she whimpered.

Fuck.

He just wanted to get out of there already. He didn't want her to see him lose his patience any more than he already had. He'd shown her enough of his bad side and he'd made her cry enough to last him the rest of his life. He didn't need her doing it now. And he could feel it coming. If he looked behind him now, he would see her chin trembling.

"Professor…" he heard her say again, but less cautiously this time. "I… I need to get my Kudu sap."

Snape turned around and looked at her. "That all you're worried about?" he snapped.

She shook her head, her dark eyebrows knit in concentration as they looked at each other.

Snape put a hand out between them and then waved it toward himself. "Come here," he said quickly, acting as if he really didn't want her to come.

Lucinda walked tentatively forward until she was directly in front of him.

"You want to come to Hogsmeade with me," he stated, though it really was a question. She nodded again.

He then bent down close to her face. "Say it, then," he whispered smugly.

Lucinda looked at him sadly and he instantly felt bad about his behavior. She had done nothing wrong… Why was he pushing this? Seconds ago he wanted to get away from her. At least, he thought he did.

"I want to come to Hogsmeade with you… Severus," she whispered back.

He shivered a little, but he hid it well. That little bit of golden rope was dangling in front of his eyes again and he grasped it with all of his might. Then Lucinda flinched as his thumb dragged back and forth against the skin of her cheek, as if he were trying to rub away a smudge of dirt there. They both knew what he was really rubbing away and neither commented on the matter. Snape simply straightened back up and then smirked at her.

"Let's go then, Gryffindor Girl."

Lucinda followed him. The spell of Tristin started to ebb away even as they walked and the new spell took over; the one that would inevitably always take over the moment she was around him again; the one that would eventually ruin her life…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Real quick: I write this on my laptop and then I transfer it to my phone to upload it. If you ever notice that there are NO ITALICS, it's because somewhere in the transfer process, they disappear! And the italics are important. They signify certain thoughts and emphasis. It sucks that they don't transfer right.... Anyway, just keep that in mind while you're reading... If it seems like there should've been an italic there... There probably should have. lol. So, I didn't think I'd write a whole other chapter within a day… but I did. Are you happy? I'm happy. This chapter was delicious to write. And I can't wait for the next one. This weekend was just full of so much fanfiction. But it's back to work tomorrow. So, you may see me in the next week… or next two weeks? Either way, here's a couple chapters in just two days :) I can be good at updating when I want to be… Show me some love in the comment section~


	23. Sneaky Snake, Sneaky Snape

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello and welcome to chapter twenty-three! We are now further than I originally wrote for this fanfic, years ago. Who knows what could happen? I want to take a moment to thank everyone who has reviewed. I would also like to thank all of those who have continued to follow this story, but have not reviewed. Although I love to hear what all of you think about my story, I also just adore the fact that anyone follows it and reads it. You know who you are. And you know I love each and every one of you. Once again, thank you thank you thank you THANK YOU for coming along on this journey with me. I promise to continue to be here until the very end… Now on with the secrets…

It was early; earlier than he'd usually get up during the week, on a school day. It isn't that he _couldn't_ get up or wake up. If anything, sometimes he had to force himself to stay in bed just a little longer. The sun would not yet be on its way to rise over the castle and his eyes would snap open. He had his own silent alarm that sounded deep in his chest. He'd feel the flutter of anxiety there and it would shake him until his feet were on the floor and he'd stumbled to the wall to feel the cool stone beneath his palms and not the rough, splintering wood of his past. He was at Hogwarts. He was at school. Nothing was going to happen to him here. Nothing was going to go wrong. There was nothing to be afraid of. He was safe, he was safe…

Xavier Michael rolled to his side and then sat up in bed on this particular morning and remembered all of the things that he told himself he'd forget. It was nearly impossible and very improbable that he'd completely forget. Not enough time had passed. He needed more contact with people, more smiles, more jokes and laughs, more time spent with his friends… At least, that's what he kept telling himself; that all of the bad feelings would go away if he simply drowned them with good memories. But that's who he was: the epitome of an optimist when nothing in his life warranted an attitude so positive. He was a Hufflepuff. He was good all the way to his core; even when he didn't think so most of the time and even though he still didn't really see it. He was starting to, though. Hagrid helped him with that.

When that fateful day happened, Hagrid was there. He was the _only_ one who was there. Everyone else was too caught up in the rise of the Dark Lord and couldn't be bothered with him. And he wasn't being bitter or spiteful; he accepted it with a level of understanding and finality. Not to mention, he was used to it and really, _truly_ , he did not mind it. Everyone had their own worries and friends and loves and wants and needs. X had Hagrid… and he was his best friend. He saw him at his absolute worst and that was only a year ago when he was fourteen. There had been blood everywhere. He still found some of it in his ears for days afterward…

Xavier shook himself. He jumped up off his bed and physically shook himself all of the way from the tips of his fingers stretched over his head and then all the way down, bending over to touch his toes. He then did thirty jumping jacks and puffed the air out of his lungs in great comical rasps. _Not gonna think about it anymore,_ he said in his head. _Gonna start the day with some awesome freakin' breakfast and then go see Hagrid!_ _Frick yeah!_

By this time, one of his roommates had awoken because of his little morning ritual and threw a pillow at him. It smacked the red-headed boy in the back of the head and he tumbled over.

"Bwah!"

"Damn it, X—can't you go be weird somewhere else?" the pillow-thrower hissed through the dim light of dawn.

Xavier scrambled back onto his bed on all fours and hissed back, "You're just jealous of my odalisque physique! Maybe you could be like me if you didn't spend all night in the kitchen!"

The other boy leaned forward and his round face was illuminated by the first stream of sunshine coming through the tunnel that lead out of their dormitory.

"Hey, I was just helping them—um—clean up and—!" The boy stopped in mid-sentence, frowned and then flopped back onto his pillow, closing his eyes with a sigh. "Yeah, you're right. But at least go away so I can sleep longer."

X grinned. Then he picked the pillow up off the floor and threw it back at the already-snoozing boy. It landed on his face, but the boy continued to snore through the cotton confinements and X rolled his eyes and clambered through the passage out of their room.

He spent another hour running circles around the common room, watering the plants in all of the windows and stoking the fire in the round fireplace. When mostly everyone was awake and heading upstairs for breakfast, he zig-zagged in and out of people back to his dormitory to change and then he, too, went to breakfast. He took silent notice of the fact that Lucinda wasn't there and he imagined she was probably still avoiding whoever it was that had upset her, though he still didn't know who. He had a pretty good idea, however, when he also noticed that Professor Snape wasn't there. It wouldn't be that small of a coincidence if he hadn't also noticed for the past day that the professor would stay for half of the meal, looking very directly in the area where Lucinda usually sat and then would eventually get up quite abruptly and storm from the Hall. This time, however, neither was there at all.

Xavier looked to Lucinda's spot and at her friends. The three of them were there; Aurora, Clover and Gabe. None of them looked to be worried, though, so he figured Lou must be okay, wherever she was. He put the girl from his mind and continued eating.

Halfway through his breakfast, there was a flurry of feathers and wind as the post arrived in the beaks of several dozen owls. Without looking up, X reached out a hand with his palm facing the ceiling and only waited about six seconds before something light was plopped into it. He began to open the letter even as he was talking to a fellow Hufflepuff to his right and didn't look down at the paper until it was un-creased and he'd taken a sip of juice. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and scanned over the letter. He was used to this. Hagrid always sent him a note to come by the house after breakfast if there was no class and if Hagrid himself was not _at_ breakfast. This was usually because of duties that he had on the grounds and wanted Xavier's help with, or because of something he wanted to keep secret and _still_ wanted Xavier's help with. This note was neither, really, but all the same, it made his heart hammer in his chest.

_**He's here. Come as soon as you can.** _

— _ **Hagrid**_

X finished his meal and then joyfully flounced right out of the Great Hall, just as one of the other Hufflepuffs (the same one who hit him with a pillow that morning) called after him: "X, quit running like a girl!"

Xavier slowed and then exaggerated his last few hip swoops as much as he could. "But I _am_ a girl!" he cried in a falsetto and left the castle without another look back, but not before he heard the small eruption of laughter behind him.

* * *

"I can't believe you got a dog!" Xavier cried through the strong gust of wind that blew through the school grounds. He ran to his friend and then jumped high into the air to give the giant man a high-five. "This is _awesome!_ "

"He's still gettin' used ter me," Hagrid said with a chuckle and his little eyes creased with happiness, "So don' go riling him up! I jus' got 'im ter sleep!"

Xavier walked quickly ahead of his friend. "Oh man, I am _so_ gonna wake him up!"

" _Xavier_ …." Hagrid warned, but the humor was in his voice and he easily caught up with the boy. They walked the rest of the way to the hut together.

"Have you named him yet?"

"Not yet," he replied and put a hand on the door knob. "I was kinda hopin' you'd help me with that—" Hagrid tugged on the handle and before he'd even opened it a crack, something grey and furry went bolting past the two of them. "Oh no!" Hagrid cried, just as Xavier let out a yelp of surprise.

They both ran after the puppy.

"Oh shit, oh shit!" Xavier cried into the wind.

"Watch yer language!" Hagrid puffed behind him. "Jus' catch 'im!"

The Hufflepuff boy laughed and ran faster. "Oh man, Hagrid, he's totally going for the Womping Willow!"

"WHAT?!"

"Come on—" the boy puffed back. "We'll steer him back toward the gardens—"

The great blob of a puppy tripped on a dirt clump and then tumbled several times before he landed on his tummy. He sat up quickly, shook his whole body (the folds of his skin flapping away) and then took off again. He spun around and zipped right between Xavier's legs and tromped all through the gardens.

"We've got 'im!" Hagrid cried in excitement. "He's heading back toward the house—we've got 'im now!"

"I think you're right—" the redhead panted, trying his best to keep up with the energetic animal. "I think he's just having a bit of… of fun…" He paused to take a deep breath. "Look, he's stopping. He's—He's just standing there. He's… Ah crap, he's pissing on the butternuts!" The boy pumped his legs faster.

"Not the butternut squash!" Hagrid groaned, also picking up the pace. "Professor Sprout will have both our heads!"

"RAHHH!" Xavier screamed as he charged the now petrified puppy. "RAAHHH GET AWAY FROM THAT GARDEN!"

"Don'! You'll scare 'im!"

"Oh, he's fine—woah!"

The grey puppy now zoomed like a bullet between the two males chasing him and did not falter in his great leaps. Both of them screeched to a halt and whipped around to see where their third companion had taken off to.

"Hagrid, he's going for it," Xavier said seriously, staring with wide eyes. "He's just going for it! This is karma, I know it!"

Hagrid nodded, gulping for air. "Yep… Yep, he's goin' for it, alright."

"Ahh!" Xavier took off running again. "Whomping Willow! Get him away from the _Whomping Willowww!_ "

"Ah shit!" he heard Hagrid curse behind him, before he also muttered a quick, "Sorry."

"AHAHA!" Xavier laughed loudly, feeling happier than he ever had. "AHA—HAGRID SAID SHIT!"

"Shh!"

"Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit—OH SHIT!" Xavier cried with a grin towards the sunny sky of dawn.

Hagrid smiled, unable to scold the boy again… not when he was so positively happy.

* * *

"Why do you let yourself be manipulated by him?"

Lucinda looked up from her steaming cup. It was just a simple black tea. She chose it, because she was a little chilled from the wind outside and she didn't want anything sweet on her tongue after so much sugar at breakfast. He hadn't commented on it. He hadn't commented on anything, at all, the entire way there. They'd walked in silence. Lucinda didn't even know whether or not he noticed she was still there. He never once looked behind him. It wasn't until they were standing just outside of Jasper's Apothecary that he had turned to look down at her. All she'd done was shiver a little and he'd stopped with his hand on the shop door.

"You cold?" he asked her.

She looked at his face, but he was looking somewhere near her chin.

"Yes," she replied quietly and tucked her hands under her arms for good measure. She didn't think to grab a coat. She didn't want to ask him to wait for her to get one, because he was already on edge. He wasn't even going to bring her along to begin with…

"Come on," he said quietly and then led her to The Three Broomsticks.

Now he was looking at her like he never had before.

They were in the very back. She didn't even know this place went back that far. They were completely blocked off from anyone else in the pub. Lucinda had a feeling this was because he didn't want anyone getting the wrong idea, so he wanted to remain unseen. It was dark. No windows were back there. Snape was watching her sip gingerly at her tea, while he would rub a hand over his face every few moments and sigh quietly.

"What?"

He'd said something to her, but she must have heard him wrong. There's no way he would try picking a fight with her already. They hadn't exactly made up from that morning, but they were at least being civil with one another. Did not talking count as being civil? She thought so…

"You heard me," he replied in a low, quick voice. His eyes were intense, but not hateful. He didn't blink. He just looked at her.

Lucinda sighed and pushed her cup to the side so that she could fold her hands together over the table top between them. "I'm not being manipulated," she said, though she didn't look at him and her voice shook a little at the end.

Snape very blatantly scoffed at her.

"Why do you _care?_ " She snapped, looking him in the eye. "Isn't it normal for a girl my age to be interested in a boy at school? He hasn't done anything to make me think badly of him—"

"He's not the _one_ for you," the man replied, trying his best to keep his anger at a minimum.

Lucinda closed her mouth and watched her professor's face in frustration. He still was not speaking to her in a biting manner. He seemed simply… concerned. And that made her even more uncomfortable. "What does 'the one' have to do with this?"

Snape looked at her skeptically.

It was Lucinda's turn to scoff. "Really, Severus?" she whispered, knitting her brow together. "Do you honestly think I'm that unrestrained? You think I want to marry the first guy who peaks my interest?"

"Were you already thinking about marriage?" Snape mocked with a sneer.

Lucinda sighed again and cast her eyes to the table. "Yes, I am interested in him. Maybe I even want to date him," she paused, touching her fingertips together. "He's nice to me and funny and attractive. I have never really seen him angry. He seems to enjoy my company. He never makes me feel bad, save for the one misunderstanding between us... Why _shouldn't_ I be interested? That shouldn't make you hateme."

Snape's hand shot across the table and wrapped around one of her wrists. Lucinda's eyes went wide, as she slowly looked up at the other ones that stared back at her with animosity pouring from them.

"Not you…" he said so quietly that she almost didn't even hear it. His mouth was pulled back, exposing his teeth in a snarl as he held her gaze and added in a barely audible motion of his lips, " _Him_ …"

Lucinda felt the twinge in her wrist and realized he was squeezing harder. She took a deep breath and put her other hand over his. "You're hurting me," she said calmly.

He released her instantly, but when he tried to pull away she held his hand there between hers. Snape stared down at them and then trailed his eyes back up to her face. His anger from before was gone, but had now been replaced by what could only be discerned as apprehension. Lucinda looked at him in an unwavering way, trying to hold his gaze and keep him calm. She didn't know why it was so important to her. She just didn't like the angry side of him. She could take the arguing, the hurtful words, the snide remarks, even the silence, but the moment his voice lowered and shook with rage, she couldn't handle it. It made her shudder and want to turn away from him.

"I didn't mean to hurt you," he said gently and glanced down at their hands. "But we shouldn't appear to be in a more intimate stance than we really are."

"Aren't we?" Lucinda said back tentatively.

Snape looked up at her quizzically. "What are you—?"

"I didn't mean it like that. I'm sorry," she quickly cut him off and pulled her hands from his upturned palm.

He left his hand there for several seconds, watching her face blush. Then he brought it into his lap. He leaned back in his chair, never taking his eyes off her and chewed slightly at the inside of his cheek. "So, you wish to date him?" He finally asked, intent on not dropping the subject.

Lucinda seemed partly upset by this continued conversation, but she answered honestly. "Yeah, I guess, if he was interested in dating me…" she shrugged her shoulders and slid her cup of tea back in front of her.

Snape narrowed his eyes a little, but the girl was looking off toward the front of the pub. He had a feeling she deliberately didn't want to answer anything while looking him straight in the eye. "Is it such a carefree subject for you?"

Her fingers tapped at the cup inside her palm and she looked at him sideways. "Of course not…" she said slowly, with a pause. "But I'm trying not to set you off. I'm not stupid. I know that you hate him. I just still don't know _why_ and you expect me to follow anything that you say. Your word isn't law, professor. I have my own thoughts and feelings and I make my own decisions."

"That doesn't mean I can't warn you of impending doom," he sneered.

"Don't." Lucinda breathed, taking a sip of her tea. It was starting to get a little cold. She'd have to drink it faster… "I'm done with this," she continued, after she'd placed her cup back on the wooden table top. "I want to trust you—I want to trust all of my friends and you're making it very difficult. I can't base my judgements solely on the opinion of someone else. I need to see it for myself. I need to weigh the options in every aspect of my life… but I really do value your opinion over anyone else's, so…" She paused again and downed the rest of her tea.

"So..?" Snape leaned his head forward, encouraging her to finish her thought.

She fixed her stare back on his face and he held it easily. "So, I want to know your honest opinion," she replied, raising her eyebrows up faintly. "I want reasons, Severus. I would—I would like to know _why_ you hate him. Please tell me the truth."

The man across from her drew his eyes down to the table in concentration. She _did_ say 'please'… but it wasn't his call. There really wasn't much he could tell her; at all. "It's… confidential," he mumbled and then heard her click her tongue instantly.

"Really?" she said dryly, arching an eyebrow at him.

Severus looked at her seriously. He leaned forward and folded his forearms on top of the table in front of him, his hands cupping either of his elbows. "Really," he said firmly. "There are a select few things that I am not permitted to disclose to anyone; that includes you. However, I am still allowed to reveal my own personal grudges against him, even though it would also open doors of my past that I am, somewhat…" (His gaze turned to the table top again and then back up to her face), "… _reluctant_ to tell you."

Lucinda's stomach dropped. At the same time, her heart thumped gently in her throat. "And since you're taking the time to explain all of this…" she spoke carefully, making sure to keep her eyes locked with his, "does that mean you're going to go ahead and… tell me something?"

Snape didn't say anything for a moment. They both turned their heads when a large burst of laughter erupted at the front of the bar. It was someone's anniversary. Madam Rosmerta (the bar's owner) had bought a round of firewhiskey for their entire party. When Snape turned to look at the girl again, he saw that she still had her gaze fixated on the commotion. There was a small, lazy smile on her face. He let his own smile crease just the very corners of his mouth and then he wiped it away.

"Samael remembers me," he said.

Lucinda quickly looked at him again. There was pleasant confusion behind her eyes. "From where?" she asked.

"From _when_ ," he corrected softly.

Neither spoke then. The crowded bar hummed therapeutically around them and Lucinda reached a hand up to scratch the side of her face. "Um, what do you mean?" she asked with a nervous smile.

"Lucinda, do you know how old I am?"

He kept rendering her speechless. "No…" she replied reluctantly. She didn't know why she was so nervous. Maybe part of her was worrying that he'd tell her he was forty or something and she'd feel dirty for having thought of him in a… romantic way. Well, maybe not _dirty,_ exactly, but definitely bad.

"I am twenty-two years old."

Lucinda's eyebrows arched way up high on her forehead. "Oh!" she exclaimed (and the guilty part of her mind suddenly leaped for joy). " _Oh…_ Oh… Are—are you being completely serious?"

"Of course I am," he snapped. "Why are you so surprised?"

"Well, it's just that…" Lucinda mumbled, dragging her fingers across the back of her neck. "It's just… It's not that you _look_ much older than that, it's just that… Well, you _seem_ much older."

"In what way?" he growled in irritation.

"In a _good_ way…" the girl mumbled again and she couldn't help the pinkish color that rose in her cheeks.

Snape watched her skeptically. Good? _Good?_

"Your intelligence alone is compelling for someone who is only twenty-two," Lucinda continued bashfully and gave him a smile.

He tried not to smile back. He felt his ego swell enormously and it was a dangerous thing.

"Well, thank you for your flattery, Miss Morgan, but that was not the point," he said gently and bowed his head slightly at her.

Lucinda snorted and then covered the sound with her hand. "Sorry," she said through her fingers and then lowered them back to her lap. "So, what was the point? Besides the fact that now it doesn't seem quite so strange for us to be friends… It's actually kind of alarming. You're only a few years older than I am. I mean, if I had gone to Hogwarts throughout all my years I would have seen you graduate—"

Snape watched her freeze. The wheels turned in her head and at the same time the spokes in his heart spun in radical circles.

"You're… only five years older than me," she said in a faraway voice. "That means… you went to school with my friends."

"Correct."

Lucinda hardened her stare. "How is that possible? I haven't heard one person mention you from the past."

Snape then looked uncomfortable. There was no turning back now, but seeing her so absorbed in the stupid boy had made him irrational. He was speaking foolishly. He selfishly wanted her attention. "There was an arrangement made between the Headmaster and I…" he said, moving her cup to the outer edge of the table. "It was more his idea than mine, but he thought it would make things… easier this way." He paused; looked to the front of the bar again, intent on letting only her ears hear this. "Albus was afraid that my former classmates would be somewhat _uncomfortable_ to suddenly be under my teachings, when only a few short years prior to that, I was merely another face in the hall… Although, only fifth, sixth and seventh years would remember me- if any, at all."

"A memory charm," Lucinda said, suddenly realizing where he was getting at and being enthralled by the information. "You had memory charms placed on all of the students, didn't you?"

"Sharp as ever, Miss Morgan," the potions master nodded back, "but not all of them. It wasn't pertinent to do it to all of them. I did not have a very… heavy presence at the school. I was quiet. I did my work. I wasn't outspoken. For most of the students, they wouldn't remember me even if you held my class photo in front of their face."

"Do you _have_ a class photo?" she asked mischievously.

Snape pressed his lips together. "Probably somewhere," he said tightly and paused while Madam Rosmerta walked by and took the girl's empty cup. The woman's eyes lingered on the two of them for a moment, but then she went back to what she was doing.

"So..." Lucinda continued, deep in thought. "Where does Tristin come into this? You said he remembers you?"

"Yes."

"But he's never said anything…" she mumbled, tracing the tiny dip in her chin with her fingertip. "You said you didn't place the memory charm on all of them, so I guess he was one that you didn't bother with?"

"No, not exactly," Snape said even more tightly and he refrained from clenching his fist too much atop the table. "He _did_ have a charm placed on him."

"But you said—"

" _Obviously_ …" he said slowly and his voice lowered to the point that made her shiver, "…it didn't _work_."

Lucinda went quiet and let the new information roll around in her brain. She felt a little dizzy. What was all of this? She wanted to know more about him, but this was a lot to take in… And now he was getting angry with her again.

"You're the one who decided to tell me about this," she said grudgingly, unable to ignore the tone in his voice and to stop herself from going in that direction, as well. "So, the charm didn't work. So what? It doesn't seem that he's told anyone who you really are. I still fail to understand why his remembrance of you would cause you to hate him—"

"WHY are you so defensive over him?!" Snape suddenly barked, slamming his fist on the table at the same time. It's a good thing her cup was empty and vacant, otherwise it probably either would have spilled or shattered.

Lucinda couldn't help but jump at the outburst. She also cast her eyes to the side, away from his furious face. "Stop _yelling_ at me…" she ground out through her slightly clenched teeth. "He's my friend. I'm allowed to be defensive about him."

Snape clenched and unclenched his hand several times. Lucinda could see it out of the corner of her eye.

"Alright, fine," he said in a dangerously calm voice. "Go ahead and date him."

Lucinda leaned back in her chair and shifted her eyes back to the man; they burned with a fire. "Not that I needed your permission, but yes," she said quietly. "I think I might."

They stared at each other for a long time. The longer he said nothing, the faster Lucinda's heart was beating. She was pushing him. She was trying to get a reaction, but why? She kept asking herself that, even as his lips pressed into a thin line of resentment. She suddenly knew a secret about him that very few people had knowledge of. He was twenty-two years old. The sudden realization that he was really just a kid like her made her crazy with wonder. He could barely be considered a man. But, no, even as she was thinking it, she could see the wisdom in his eyes and hear it in his voice when he spoke. He was different. He was aged way beyond his years and maybe someday she would fully grasp the reasoning behind that progressive intelligence of his…

"If he hurts you…" The man across the table from her spoke up threateningly. He obviously was done trying to convince her to stay away from the boy. She didn't feel relieved. She didn't know what she felt.

The Gryffindor Girl smiled sadly. "You'll be the first to know about it," she said in what almost sounded like disappointment.

Snape decided not to let his mind venture into that interpretation and instead looked at her a moment longer, before he finally nodded once and scooted his chair back. "Come on, let's go," he said, trying to level out his voice to sound as normal as it could in the current situation. "Jasper likes to close up shop at random times and I want to catch him before he decides to flake out on us."

"Okay," Lucinda replied and stood up with him. Snape tried to offer her his cloak, but she declined and they walked together to the front of the pub. They passed the "happy couple" on their way to the door and she made eye contact with the wife. She was older and Lucinda took a moment to ponder which anniversary they were celebrating. The woman was taking a sip of her mug of beer and gave Lucinda a wink. Lucinda grinned.

"Now!" Shouted one of the men at the table. "Let us think back… to our MOST embarrassing moments for dear Lisette and Cole. Noww—GO!"

The woman called "Lisette" covered her face with her free hand and snorted into her fingers.

Anything else that happened after that, Lucinda had no idea, because then they were out the door and the group of people was out of sight. As student and teacher walked the few short minutes to the apothecary, Lucinda felt pangs of nostalgia in her chest. The wind blew, she shivered and Snape watched her from the side. Halfway there, the girl put her hands around his upper-arm for warmth and support and he let her stay like that the rest of the way to the shop, knowing all-too-well he shouldn't get used to it.


	24. Rule-Breaking

The door to the apothecary jangled shut and Snape and Lucinda were greeted with a shroud of perfumed warmth and a tingling of excitement. The room was empty, as it had been the first and only time she had been in there, and she took the opportunity of solitude to turn her attention to the man at her side. He was already heading straight for the shelf where he knew the Kudu sap to be and Lucinda followed.

"So, what exactly do you plan on doing?" she asked in a hushed tone.

"About what?" he murmured, reaching easily toward the top shelf for the little bottle of sap.

"About Tristin," she replied, though she did so with a little embarrassment showing through her voice. "You said if he ever hurts me… you'll do what?"

Snape's hand froze on the bottle and then his fingers slowly closed around it. He brought it down in front of his face, reading the label to confirm what it was, knowing that the girl's stares were burning into the side of his face. "If he hurts you," he stated, voice shaking slightly at the thought, "I will be terminated as a Hogwarts professor."

"Why would you—"

"Because I will kill him."

No one would have laughed at his statement, because what it was, was not a statement at all. It was a declaration; an inevitability—a promise… Lucinda shivered. His voice was low and cold and she watched his knuckles turn white, as they gripped the bottle of Kudu sap. She hoped it wouldn't break within his clutch.

"Stop it," she whispered and touched his arm, but before he could react to it she'd stepped away from him and walked to the front counter. "Mr. Jasper?" she called through the dark doorway.

"He's here," Snape said, walking up behind her. "He wouldn't have left the shop unlocked if not."

They both waited in silence. Every once in a while a strong, cold wind would push at the door and a small draft would find its way to their ankles. When Jasper still had not appeared, Snape walked around the counter.

"Jasper?" he took a turn calling through the doorway. Silence. "Hang on a minute. I'm going to go check—"

"I'm coming with you," Lucinda said quickly, following him behind the counter.

Snape glared down at her. "Stay here. I'll only be a moment."

"What if there's some crazy person back there?" she retorted, stomping her foot once. "What if they knock you out and then come for me?"

Snape looked at her incredulously. "Are you nuts?" he said with a look that confirmed it. "He's probably just asleep. Wait here—"

"I am coming with," she said firmly and that was that. He might have still protested, but she pushed past him and went through the doorway. Of course, she hadn't been back there before, so she didn't know where to go. She walked a couple of steps in the pressing darkness and then stopped short and Snape bumped into her.

" _Well?_ " He said in her ear. "I thought you were going."

"Well, I was going to, but I um…" she replied and then trailed off.

Snape put a hand on her shoulder. "Let me go first, Lucinda."

"Well, I can go—I just—"

"I said— _let me go first_."

His voice was quiet and he held something else there in it. Out of nowhere, the situation turned serious. Her professor felt something was wrong and she could hear it in his tone. It was scary. She took a step back, but tread on the man's foot behind her. It made her stumble. Severus put an arm around her waist and held her there.

"Be careful…" He whispered in her ear. His breath warmed the skin on her cheek.

"Severus, I want to go back," she replied in a hush. "I don't like this. Let's go back."

He tightened the arm that was around her. "It's alright. Just go to the front counter. I'll go on from here."

"But what if something happens to you?" She whispered back, placing a hand to his arm.

"Does that worry you?"

She turned around in his arm, chest pressed slightly against his torso. "Of course it does," she said in a hurt voice. "We're making progress in our friendship. I don't want that thrown away because of a tussle in the back of a shop."

"Are you trying to jinx the situation?" He raised a brow. "I'm not going to get into a fight."

"I'm just being cautious," Lucinda shrugged lightly and looked to the side. "You've become important to me."

Severus watched her blink slowly, not meeting his gaze. One of her hands was absentmindedly touching his chest and her other hand was pulling at her bottom lip. Why this, all of the sudden? Just a few minutes ago they were discussing her dating a little piece of shit and now she was standing so calmly against him, speaking sentimental words for only his ears to hear. She was so easily manipulated by her own emotions and apparently by physical contact with another person. Whether or not she was only like this with him was still under determination, but he could always drive the knife just a little deeper—for experimental purposes only, of course. He was a man of experimentation, after all. The human mind was complex. It should be figured out. For the purpose of discovery, really he should test her when he had the chance. "You flatter me, Gryffindor Girl…" he said softly and even in the dark of the hall he could see color rise to her cheeks, "…but now isn't the time for declarations of love."

The wide-eyed, flustered expression from her was worth it. Before her jumbled mind had a chance to respond, he had released her, side-stepped her and then walked into the darkness ahead. He smirked smugly to himself as he went, knowing that her mind would be consumed by what he'd said for the rest of the day. No, he couldn't have her, but he could at least make it increasingly difficult for her to fall in love with Samael Scum.

Lucinda stumbled back through the doorway and out into the shop's front. The word of her professor rang in her ears, just as—unbeknownst to her—was his intention. Why would he accuse her of such a thing? It paranoid her. Was she actually leading him to believe that she loved him? Lucinda walked to the counter and leaned her hands against the top of it. Her shoulders were hunched and her dark eyes stared straight through the glass top. She didn't want him to think of her as some ditzy girl with a crush. She wanted to appear sophisticated, like him. She wanted to be mysterious and sexy and smart… She wanted—Wait a minute, why was she even thinking these things? Lucinda blew a quick breath from her cheeks and walked around the counter and into the center of the shop.

_He's my professor_ , she thought to herself. _He is my friend and my teacher. Why am I even thinking about how I appear to him?_

_Well, because he is your_ teacher _and your_ friend, her brain said back to her. _It's a double whammy. You want his respect twice as much._

"Is respect what I want?" She asked the empty room. The room did not answer. It was silent, save for the subtle rattle of the door and windows when the wind blew. She stood there, thinking and contemplating her mentality and her intentions. It was quiet only for a moment longer and then she heard muffled voices. She held her breath and listened. It didn't sound like arguing or fighting, so she relaxed a little. It seemed that Severus had found Jasper and everything was fine. She decided to venture toward the voice of her professor.

Down the dark hallway, there was now a soft light glowing at the end of it. Lucinda headed that way.

"How is it that you let this happen again? Are you that terrible of a wizard?"

"Don't abuse me, Severus. It isn't as if I intended for something like this—"

"How are you still alive? Does your wand arm not work?"

"It works just fine. Perhaps not as well as yours, but I—"

Lucinda had reached the glowing of the room and was now standing in the doorway. Jasper had stopped talking abruptly as his eyes settled upon her figure. She held her arms, rubbing them slightly and looked from the man sitting on the floor, leaning against a stack of wooden crates, and the other man who was crouched next to him.

"Miss…" Jasper said and Lucinda was surprised to hear the slight inflection of angst in his raspy voice. She was also surprised to see dark circles under the man's clear, blue eyes. The hair on his face was longer and he was greyer than she remembered.

"What happened?" She asked, looking at her professor now. "What's happened 'again'?"

Severus straightened his legs and stood up, while he looked at her. "Jasper has been a careless bastard again, is what happened."

"I extremely resent that, Severus." The man on the floor replied lazily, but his eyes remained on the girl. "I am not careless. I am weak."

"Oh how amusing, Lucinda," Severus simpered down at him. "He admits it." Then he added to the man, "Maybe you should be placed in a home, you dimwit."

"Don't be so mean, Severus."

It was Lucinda who said it and both men stared at her; Snape in horror and Jasper with an uncharacteristically bright-eyed gleam.

"Miss Morgan—" Snape began and Jasper cut him off.

"The two of you are on a first name basis now?" He asked in pleasant curiosity.

Lucinda closed her lips tight and shifted her eyes to her professor, but he was shaking his head at the ceiling.

_Oops…_

"Actually…" she began and turned her attention back to the man still sitting against the wooden crates, "He's asked me not to call him that. I've heard it so much that it just slips out sometimes. Sorry," she added for good measure, with a glance at her professor. He looked back at her with a nod. "So, what really happened?" She continued, looking again between the two of them. "And why is this not the first time?"

The two men looked at each other and then back at her.

"I'm clumsy," Jasper confessed after a brief pause.

"He's an idiot." Snape retorted.

"My reaction time is slow sometimes."

"His reaction time doesn't even exist," Snape persisted. "He's an idiot."

"I simply didn't hear them, Severus…" Jasper persisted back.

"You are a sorry excuse for a wizard," the potions master glared down at him. "You know that, don't you?"

"Do either one of you care to explain any further?" Lucinda piped up.

Snape just continued to shake his head. Jasper glared up at the man and then turned his softened gaze on the Gryffindor Girl in his doorway. "Frankly speaking, Miss Morgan…" he said with a helpless shrug. "I have been robbed… again."

x-x-x

The glass in the windowpane shook as a strong gust of wind pushed against it. A second later there was a pitter-patter of raindrops, followed by a complete downpour. Xavier stared out the window at the storm that suddenly beat down on the house's roof. "Dang rain…" he muttered.

"The rain is good," said the large man across the table from him.

They were sitting in Hagrid's hut, drinking hot mugs of tea. A puppy snoozed noisily behind the boy on a lumpy looking bed. X looked over his shoulder at the small, gray creature.

"So a name… Hmm…" X thought out loud. "You usually name things so easily. Why do you need my help?"

"Don' ya want ter decide?" Hagrid replied, grinning. "Yah tol' me before that you never had a pet. I wanted you ter have the honors."

Xavier shrugged. "Well, that's alright," he mumbled again uncomfortably. "I'll get a pet at some point. I just… I just want to get things settled at home before I try to bring a new member of the family into the house."

Hagrid puffed his cheeks out as he sighed with a somber glance toward the rain beating against the hut's windows. "Don' think about that righ' now…" he breathed, running a meaty palm over his tangled beard. "Jus' pick a name."

X thumped his fist against the tabletop a couple of times as his mind wandered over a dozen memories. He knew Hagrid was uncomfortable talking about it. He shouldn't have brought it up. "Hmmm…" Xavier thought aloud again, while he pushed all negativity to the back of his mind. "Well, he needs a loyal name. He needs something strong, but frightening at the same time, because you have a dog, not a pussy… cat, that is—paha!"

" _Xavier…_ " Hagrid warned in his usual half-threatening, half-amused voice.

X laughed lightly and thumped absentmindedly at the table a few more times as he stared at his mug of tea. "Hmmm…" he continued his verbal thinking. "Have you ever heard of White Fang?"

Hagrid knit his bushy brows together and stared at the redhead. "Umm… No?"

"Well!" X laughed again. "That pup snoring behind me will probably never be anything like him, but… perhaps he can be part the wolf, if not half the wolf…"

Hagrid continued to look confused and Xavier continued to laugh. " _Fang_ , it is…" he replied with a shake of his head.

x-x-x

"The apothecary was robbed?"

"Yes," Lucinda nodded, taking a sip of pumpkin juice from her goblet. "But nothing looked out of order. I was so confused."

"I'm still confused about why you got to go to Hogsmeade while the rest of us were left here to rot," Aurora muttered, somewhat under her breath.

"I couldn't agree more, my dear sister," Clover said across the table from them with a pout. "I wish _I_ was teacher's pet…"

Lucinda rolled her eyes at her friends. "It isn't like I had a glorious outing or anything. Professor Snape was kind of unpleasant half of the time anyway…" She didn't mention how very pleasant he had been in the dark hallway, though. No one needed to know about that short conversation…

"Still…" Clover sighed dreamily, plopping his chin in his slender hand. "How was it having tea with the sexy professor Snape?"

Lucinda was in the middle of another sip of juice and choked violently on it. Aurora, on the other hand, was completely disgusted by what had just come out of her brother's mouth.

"Are you nuts?" she wailed. "Scary—yes. Horrible—yes. A self-centered, arrogant arse—YES. But, _sexy?_ "

Lucinda held her forehead in her hands and tried not to laugh at Aurora's obvious flabbergast.

"Too right you are!" Clover exclaimed with a raise of his glass toward the Great Hall's star-speckled ceiling. "Scary, horrible, self-centered, arrogant and sexy!"

"Oh Merlin, Clover—" Lucinda laughed and looked up at him. "Please, lower your voice. You're going to draw attention."

"I can't help it," he replied with a wink. "I've always loved the quiet, brooding type."

"Is that why you love Gabriel so much?" Lucinda teased. "Where is he anyway?"

"Yeah," Aurora joined in. "You guys never go anywhere without each other."

Clover's devious smile faltered and he glanced down at his plate. "That's not true…" he mumbled, pushing his fork around. "He does his own thing sometimes."

"Really?" Lucinda asked skeptically. "I could understand spending his free time wherever, but it's suppertime. He doesn't usually miss it, does he?"

Clover stopped pushing his fork and frowned. "Well, no…" he said quietly and his thin eyebrows drew together in concentration. "I think he's sick. He's been sleeping a lot more lately. I'm kind of worried, honestly."

Lucinda and Aurora looked at each other.

"Has he said anything?" Lucinda asked, leaning over the table a little. "Or have you noticed any other symptoms? Fever? Disorientation?"

Clover shrugged. "You know me…" he said with a wry smile. "I'm self-centered, myself. I don't usually notice if something's wrong with anyone else."

The three of them fell into uncomfortable silence (or maybe it was just Lucinda who was somewhat uncomfortable). Eventually Aurora turned the conversation back to their original topic.

"So, you said Jasper's was robbed, but nothing was messed up?"

Lucinda nodded enthusiastically, happy for the change in conversation. "Professor Snape and I found him back in his storage room. He'd been hit with a spell. I'm not sure what kind, but it had knocked him out pretty bad…" Lucinda paused and glanced up at the staff table, where Snape was watching her. She tried for a smile, but didn't have the heart for it and turned back to her friends. "When he told us he'd been robbed, I was really surprised, because it didn't seem like there had been a struggle; nothing was broken or turned over and—from what I could tell—the place hadn't been looted or anything…"

"So what did they take?" Aurora asked, confused.

Lucinda fell silent once more and stole another glance toward the staff table. Severus had told her not to say anything, but…

"It was Dagala." Lucinda whispered. She tried to ignore the man's incessant stares at the front of the hall; she felt guilty enough as it was…

"What?" Aurora hissed.

"The same stuff that almost blew you up?" Clover asked in hushed tones.

Lucinda nodded and swallowed tightly. "But that's not the most alarming part," she continued even more quietly and they all leaned in to listen intently. "Whoever did this must be angry that they didn't succeed in their first attempt…" She continued with a shake in her voice. "They stole the entire lot… It's enough to kill the whole school."

x-x-x

"Well, well… I was beginning to worry that you weren't going to show, Miss Morgan."

Lucinda's heart leapt up into her throat as she spun around on the spot. She was standing at the top of the staircase that led to the astronomy tower. She'd gotten a note shortly after supper from Tristin, reminding her of their meeting that night. It was the meeting that he'd mentioned would result in some rule-breaking, but which she had agreed to anyway. Once she left her bed in the middle of the night to wander the dark halls, though, she was having second thoughts. She almost ran into Filch twice and, horrifyingly enough, Professor Dumbledore at one point.

"Tristin!" Lucinda gasped quietly and clutched at the raggedly beating heart beneath her breast. "Dear Merlin, you scared me to death."

His white teeth glinted in the dark as he smiled wider than she'd ever seen. "Don't die on me now, Morgan," he teased and then motioned with his hand. "Shall we?"

"No one's going to be up here, right?" Lucinda whispered nervously, as she let the boy guide her with a hand on her lower back. "I know I agreed to rule-breaking, but I mean, how much trouble will we get in if we're caught?"

Tristin chuckled under his breath as they reached the door. "That's the thrill of it," he replied excitedly. "I have no idea!"

The cold, November air bit pleasantly at her cheeks as the door was opened. She had been prepared this time and wore her coat. Thick, white clouds of their breath curled around them as they let out their first sighs outside on the astronomy tower. Tristin shut the door quietly behind them and then they walked together to the center of the open space and tilted their faces toward the heavens.

"Oh man…" Lucinda breathed. "It's beautiful out here."

"Do you not take astronomy?" Tristin asked.

She shook her head. "I took it while I was homeschooled, but the sky at our house was never like this…"

They were both quiet as they stargazed for a few minutes. Lucinda counted two shooting stars in those short minutes and wished on both of them; one for Jasper and one for Gabe—both for them to get better.

"I brought snacks!" Tristin suddenly exclaimed quietly and pulled a small bag out from under his sherpa-lined coat. Lucinda then watched him pull a metal flagon from the bag. "Now watch…" he hushed dramatically, as he unscrewed the cap of the thermos. Then he poured something steaming and golden from it, into the lid. Butterscotch aromas filled her senses and dazzling light filled her eyes.

"Oh my gosh, this is awesome…" Lucinda laughed, taking the lid that he was now handing to her. "Did you make it glow like that?"

Tristin smiled in the light of the drink. "Yes, do you like it?"

Lucinda nodded and brought it up to her mouth, where she paused briefly and looked up at him. "There isn't alcohol in this, is there?"

Tristin shook his head. "Of course not. It's just butterbeer."

Lucinda gave an apologetic look and then took a sip. It wasn't the first time she had drunk something that glowed, but it was the first one that she could feel glowing all of the way down her throat. It tingled and made her heart flutter. "Whoo…" She breathed and steam rose from her mouth. "That is the strangest sensation."

"Look!" He nodded and pointed toward the center of her chest.

The girl looked down. Just barely visible beneath her coat, there was a faint yellow light. Tristin took the lid/cup from her hands, so that she could unzip the top half of her coat. When she peeled the material back, a soft radiance erupted straight from her chest. They both stared into the light that shined through the other side of her shirt. Lucinda was shocked enough as it was, but then the glow began to shrink until it was just a concentrated mass directly in the center of her sternum. It had shrunk down into the shape of a heart. It pulsated slightly and then it softly faded away.

"Tristin, that was amazing!" Lucinda said in wonder, turning her face up at him again. "How in the world did you do that?"

"I've been working on it for a little while…" he beamed, looking around bashfully. He tipped the thermos lid back and drank the bit of butterbeer still in it. Lucinda watched as a yellow glow came from beneath his coat, as well. Her grin grew bigger.

"You know, that would sell," Lucinda nodded approvingly. "You should look into making a profit."

Tristin screwed the lid back on as he glanced at her from under his long eyelashes. "You think?" He asked, but he actually didn't seem that interested in the idea. "I suppose I could… but I hadn't planned on making this for anyone else."

"Oh?" Lucinda asked quietly. Tristin set the thermos down on the stone and stepped closer to her.

"No," he shook his head and looked down at her. "I made it just for you… to finally show you how I feel."

"How you…" She trailed off. His face was drawing closer to hers. She felt his arms reach around her back and then she was being pulled against him.

"I really like you, Lucy." Tristin breathed against her mouth. "And I hope I haven't been misinterpreting the signs that you like me, too."

Their noses brushed against each other. Lucinda's breath hitched. "I do like you," she barely whispered out, before his lips closed over hers.

The night was calm and cold. It was surprising, because they'd had quite a downpour of rain earlier in the day, but now the sky was clear. The moon shone brightly overhead like a second sun. There wasn't a cloud in the sky. It was a complete contrast to how Lucinda's head was now feeling. She felt smothered and dizzy. The sky in her mind was clouding over. There was a rush of wind and rain inside of her as Tristin's mouth moved hungrily against hers. She could hardly breathe, let alone think. She'd been kissed by other boys before, but never like this. Tristin kissed her like his very life depended on it. She turned to putty in his arms and kissed him back, just as hungrily.

After a while, they broke apart and Tristin breathed heavily against her lips. Her breaths escaped her in little rasps, as well, as she looked into the dark orbs of his eyes. There was a split second that she remembered something from a dream she had, but it was drowned out the moment he spoke again.

"Be my girlfriend." He said and reached a hand up to stroke the side of her face.

Lucinda closed her eyes to his touch. This is what she wanted. Standing there in front of him, she could feel it. Everything was as it should be. "Okay," she said and her voice sounded far away to her.

Tristin grinned at her closed eyes and licked his bottom lip. "Good," he whispered and kissed her again.

x-x-x

When Lucinda wandered in a daze back to her dormitory, it was a wonder she didn't get caught out of bed. She wasn't as careful as she had been on the way to the astronomy tower. Call it luck, if you will, but she didn't meet another soul the entire way. And it was lucky, because she wasn't even walking quietly. She shuffled back to Gryffindor tower, quite carelessly, and that led her to walk straight into someone coming around the last corner. They both fell to the ground in a clamber of black robes and dark hair.

"Oh!" Lucinda exclaimed as her bottom hit the hard floor.

"Shit!" said the other person in front of her and then there was a quick, "Lumos!"

Light erupted in Lucinda's face. It blinded her briefly and then the features of another face came into view behind it. Bright green eyes like emeralds shined in the wand light and a rosebud mouth pressed into a thin, disturbed line.

"A-Amphetia?" Lucinda stammered out.

The raven-haired girl stared back at her in horror. "You!" Amph said. Her voice rang like bells.

"I-I'm sorry—" Lucinda scrambled to her feet. "I didn't mean to run into you."

"Where were you?" The girl hounded. "You weren't in your bed."

"Oh, I just… I went for a walk," Lucinda replied in a panic. _She noticed I wasn't in bed? Why did she notice that? She's never noticed before! This is the first time she's ever even spoken to me!_

Amphetia Samael slowly stood and her movements were fluid and graceful. She kept her wand pointed at Lucinda. "Now you listen to me, Lucy Morgan…" The girl said slowly and deathly low. "I will not have the wool pulled over my eyes. You will tell me where you went and who you were with."

Lucinda felt her cheeks flush with a new anger she hadn't felt before. "That's none of your business." She snapped and tried to walk past the girl, but she stepped in front of her again.

"If it is where _my cousin_ is concerned, then it _is_ my business," she spat.

Lucinda glared back at her. She was pretty, but she was definitely a bitch. What was her problem? Did she have some cousin complex and was in love with him or what? "Lower your wand… and let me pass." Lucinda whispered angrily. " _Now_."

"No." Amph said instantly.

"Let her pass, Amph," came another voice, but it was nearly identical to the other's .

A second light erupted in the hall and came toward them. Nicalia Samael's blue eyes came into view and stared at her sister in the second wand's light.

"Nica, she was with—"

"It does not matter," Nicalia said and her calm eyes never flickered in Lucinda's direction once. "Come to bed."

"I'm not going to stand here and let this happen!" Amph hissed into the identical face of her twin.

"Don't defy me," the other said, never raising the inflection in her voice, and grasped the girl's chin with her fingers. "You are becoming a disgrace to your ancestors. Do not meddle in these things."

"Nica…" Amph protested again, but she did so weakly. "That isn't us…"

"Not another word."

Nicalia took hold of Amphetia's upper arm and then pulled her down the hall. Lucinda was left in the dark, literally and figuratively.

What in the _hell_ had just happened?

By the time Lucinda climbed into bed a few minutes later, everything in her dormitory room was quiet. Three girls breathed lightly (aside from Aurora who was actually snoring quite loudly) and it was as if the twins had never been out of bed that night at all. Lucinda felt a little embarrassed. She didn't know why she'd gotten so angry and why the girl had been so angry with her… It left her feeling a little helpless and bullied… She didn't want anyone to be angry with her. This was not how she had pictured her first encounter with Amph to go…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **My husband and I discussing my fanfic today through text messages:**
> 
> Him: If she doesn't die first…
> 
> Me: Why would she die?!
> 
> Him: I don't know. Sniper?
> 
> Me: Omg cut it out. Maybe I will kill her off then. The main character dead!
> 
> Him: Zombie wizards. You could incorporate the cast of the Walking Dead.
> 
> Me: Ahahaha it will be a Harry Potter/Walking Dead crossover.
> 
> Him: And then your character gets with Carl. :-|
> 
> Me: Ew omg!
> 
> Him: Yeah. Pretty fuckin gross. But it'd be quite the plot twist.
> 
> **Forgive my absence, everyone. For the month of November I was participating in NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month). Google it! It is incredibly fun and a wonder for your imagination. As you can probably already guess, you try to write an entire novel in a month. Well, I did it! Sort of… And so I was busy for a while and didn't work on this fanfic. Now my head is somewhat clearer and I was able to jump back into this story again. However, I have to admit that it was a bit difficult. There's so much going on in my mind about this fanfic and it's jumbling my thoughts (Not to mention, I was still caught up in my novel's characters and it was so hard getting to know my fanfiction characters again!). I'm having trouble sorting everything out. So, even though it's a little unkempt, thanks for reading. I hope the story is still holding your interest. Until next time… :)**


	25. Potions & Pendants

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. Sorry for the delay in this chapter (in every chapter). This particular chapter happened during a death in my family. I have been distracted. I hope you enjoy it, regardless. I am not proofreading before posting, so I hope mistakes are few. I wanted to get this up in time for Christmas, but that didn't happen, so here is a New Year's present…

"Did you put the pennyroyal in yet?"

Lucinda looked up from her cauldron. Snape looked back at her, but it was over his shoulder. He was currently writing something on his chalkboard. Actually, he was writing down everything that she was doing. She knew that this was going to happen. It was only a matter of time before he figured out what she was trying to make. The finding out part wouldn't necessarily be bad, but she had a feeling he was going to be less than thrilled when he learned what her intentions with it were.

"No, not yet," she said and glanced through the page of the potions book that lay in front of her on the table. "I was thinking that it should go in after this heats for two extra minutes…" She paused and looked up at him. "Is that wrong?"

Snape turned back to the board and stared at it for a moment. Then he wrote something down and stared at it again. "I don't know yet…" he said, obviously deep in thought. "You said it needed to be crimson in hue, correct?"

Lucinda nodded and then said, "yes" once she realized his back was still to her. It was a Saturday afternoon. Several weeks had passed since the day they acquired ( _re_ -acquired) her Kudu sap at the apothecary and the two of them had begun the experiment. They were meeting up in his classroom every Saturday and Wednesday to work on the potion. "Okay, Sev, come on—help me out here," she said in agitation, watching the flame under the cauldron carefully and then glancing nervously at the blue liquid inside of it. "The two minutes are up. Should I put it in, or no?"

"Well, it isn't going to blow you up," he snapped. "Go ahead and do it… And don't call me that."

"Oh are we back to professor and student again?" She drawled sarcastically and then cringed when the pennyroyal sank down into the blue concoction. It didn't explode. She relaxed and stirred.

"We have always been professor and student," he snipped, walking up to the other side of the table. "But that is not my name. Do not call me by any nicknames."

"What's got your wand in a knot?" she hissed across the cauldron at him. "Forgive me for being so insensitive about your name." Her words said "I'm sorry", but her tone sounded much more like "fuck off". He didn't like it…

The potions master sneered. "I am perfectly fine," he said smoothly and his sneer increased in dislike. "But you don't seem to be fine."

"Because you asked to look over my potion making and all you've done is irritate me!"

"That is your own fault," he scoffed and stared down into the cauldron. "You expect me to be your best friend and to support you in all of your life choices, as if I am one of your little girlfriends. First and foremost, I am a Hogwarts teacher."

"Didn't you tell me before that you were my friend first and my teacher second?" Lucinda asked stubbornly, as her anger started to ebb away again. "I get a boyfriend and then you never want to talk to me anymore…"

"That is because you are never alone!" He growled through clenched teeth.

"Of course I am!" Lucinda said in exasperation. "And what does that matter? Can you not speak to me in his presence?"

"I would rather not, actually," Severus growled a little quieter this time and then turned around to lean his bottom against the edge of the table. "I may vomit if I'm forced to be anywhere near him."

"You are unbelievable." Lucinda ground out, barely containing the fury that crept up inside her again.

"Thank you." He replied in condescendence.

Lucinda clenched her fists tight and stared down into the potion. It was turning from a deep blue to a lighter blue. Flecks of green were beginning to wink up at her, mockingly. She smacked a hand down on the potions book and then flipped it closed with a sharp _snap_. "It's turning green again," she barked and then blew the flame out from under the cauldron. "The ruddy thing is heading in the complete opposite direction of the color spectrum. I'm done with this." Then she began packing up her things.

Snape turned around at the sound of her hand slamming down on the book and now he watched her movements as they became increasingly irate. After she'd packed her book, parchment and quills into her bag, she hoisted the cauldron up and began walking it unsteadily to the sink at the back of the classroom.

"We could have continued trying, you know…" Snape said behind her. He gathered the unused ingredients from the tabletop and then walked them to the cabinet beside the sink that the girl was washing the cauldron out at. "That one didn't turn out right, but there is no harm in starting a fresh one."

Lucinda shook her head as she wiped at the brass. "No, I told Tristin I would be meeting him at three o'clock anyway. I'll clean this up and I'll be on my way."

Snape didn't reply. He looked at her face and tried to decide whether or not she actually liked the boy. Sure, he'd seen them holding hands and on more than one occasion he'd seen the boy's filthy hands running up the back of her shirt as he nearly devoured her face with his tongue when they thought they were alone in the library, but that didn't mean they'd done anything else. That didn't mean that she actually liked it. That didn't mean that they were serious. That didn't mean that Samael had _won_ …

"Is everything… going okay?" Snape asked offhand. The ingredients were placed in their rightful spots and now he leaned his shoulder against the cabinet and stared at her.

Lucinda pulled the clean cauldron from the sink and set it on the table behind her. "Are you asking me honestly?" She said, watching his expression with skepticism in hers.

Snape shrugged and stuck his bottom lip out in thought. "I guess so."

Lucinda looked down and pivoted on the spot to put her hands behind her on the table and then she hopped up on it. Snape walked to her as her hands came forward to fold in her lap. He stood in front of her and her legs swung out gently between his planted feet. She watched his black shoes and then trailed her eyes up his black slacks, over his black cloak and into his black eyes.

"Is there something you wish to tell me?" He asked too seriously.

Lucinda shook her head and looked at her lap again. "Tristin is… great," she smiled slightly. "He's kind to me and he really seems to like me a lot…"

"But?" Snape said expectantly, because there was always a 'but'.

Lucinda looked up and laughed a little. "But I don't think I deserve it."

"What are you talking about?" He asked incredulously and stepped between her swinging legs. She stopped her motions abruptly. "In what way are you _undeserving_ of his affections? If anything, he is the one who doesn't deserve—"

"Oh, Severus, that's not what I mean," she shook her head again and smiled sadly. "I know I deserve it, but I just don't feel… worthy of his affections."

Snape narrowed his eyes at her. "That is the same thing."

"No it isn't," she wrinkled her nose up at him. "Aren't you supposed to be an educated man?"

Snape curled his index finger under her jaw and swiped it against her skin. "I must have missed that lesson, Gryffindor Girl," he said softly and flicked her chin lightly, before his hand dropped to his side again. "Just remember what I told you."

Lucinda sighed and leaned back on her palms. "Refresh my memory, sir." She raised her eyebrows and pursed her lips exaggeratedly. "What was it that you told me?"

"Yes, what was it that you told her, professor Snape?"

Both the student and the teacher turned their heads in the direction of the voice. Lucinda was too relaxed to jump and it was probably good that she didn't; it would have made her look like she'd been doing something wrong and she hadn't been. She had to remember that: she was doing nothing wrong.

"Tristin," she smiled and hopped back off of the table.

Severus moved out of her way and glared across the room at the Slytherin Prefect who stood in the classroom's doorway.

"Is your playdate with potions finished for the day, my love?" He asked, lips pulling to one side in a smirk.

"Yes, I was just saying goodbye to professor Snape."

Both men stared at each other as the girl between them gathered her things and slung her bag over her shoulder. "I'll see you at dinner!" she called behind her with a joyful wave and then walked quickly to the one waiting for her.

"How did it go?" Tristin asked, holding her chin in his fingers and stooping down to kiss her deeply.

Snape was bitterly happy to see that she broke the kiss sooner than the boy seemed to like. "Fine," Lucinda mumbled and they shuffled out of the room. "I still haven't got it right, but there's been progress…"

Snape watched the two of them leave. He fought the urge to return to that same person he had been at the beginning of the year. There was no need for tantrums or chair-throwing… He needed to be an adult about this. She was dating Tristin Samael. He had told her to go ahead and do it, albeit he had said it with resentment. Now he was just going to bide his time. He was going to be the friend that she needed. Samael was going to break her heart and he would be there to pick up the pieces…

Severus leaned over the table and pressed his forehead into the top of it, while his arms came up and wrapped around the back of his head. "I am the worst…" he groaned. It was an awful thing to think. He should stop him _before_ he hurt her, not wait until he did… What the hell was he doing? And what _could_ he do? She was a grown woman. She was a student at a school, but she was definitely a woman. She had her own intentions and she could take care of herself. He needed to stop treating her like a child. She was far from it…

* * *

There was only a few days left before Christmas break was to start. Nearly everyone was leaving for home. Dumbledore, of course, was staying. McGonagall was going home. Poppy Pomfrey was staying, along with most of the other teachers. Severus Snape was going home, which surprised Lucinda, because she couldn't imagine him in a homely setting. It was strange. It was also strange imagining Tristin _not_ going home, but he had, indeed, told her that he would be staying at Hogwarts. He didn't mention anything about home, though. Just as was the way of the Samael's, Lucinda heard nothing about the other members of their family; nothing about their parents or aunts or uncles. In fact, since the night outside Gryffindor Tower with the Samael twins, neither had so much as glanced her way. Honestly, it made her a little sad. She shared a room with the girls and she was dating a member of their family. You would think they would be a little more welcoming… Tristin didn't seem to mind, though. When his cousins' cold demeanor was brought up, he told her that it was better that way. Lucinda tried to trust him, but she couldn't help but feel bad about the whole ordeal. She wanted his family's blessing and it seemed they didn't like her from the get-go… Well, Amph didn't like her, anyway. Nica seemed very disinterested about everything… unless it was where her sisters were concerned…

Lucinda would be going home for Christmas break, much to Tristin's disappointment. He tried to convince her to stay (and she almost did), but she'd told her parents she would go home for Christmas and she couldn't back out now. Besides, she really did miss them. She was used to being with them every single day. This was the longest they had ever been apart (minus the one day that they arrived unexpectedly at the school). Aurora and Clover would be going home and they both made it a point to give Lucinda their address, in case she wanted to stop by for dinner some evening while they were on break. Though she highly doubted it was going to happen, Lucinda hoped her parents could be convinced of it.

Besides visiting home for Christmas, Lucinda's parents had sent her a letter explaining that they would be having some of the extended family there from the 23rd to the 26th. Lucinda smiled to herself at the thought, while she read through her potions book beside the Black Lake. Seeing her cousins and her eccentric Aunt Camille (as they no doubt would be there) put her back in a good mood. It would be a long two weeks away from her beloved school and all of her friends, but knowing that she'd be seeing more family made it better.

"You look demented, Lou."

Lucinda turned around. She expected to see Xavier standing in the grass behind her, but all she saw was the trunk of the tree that she was leaning her back against. She peered around the tree on both sides, but still nothing. Some students walked here and there in the distance of the grounds, but not very many (it was pretty cold out there, though there hadn't been any snow yet).

"X?" Lucinda called.

Then there was a giggle. It started quietly and then it grew the more she looked around frantically for the culprit. By now, he was laughing in great guffaws and Lucinda was reminded of Scut Farkus from a holiday movie that her parents made her watch every year.

"Up here, you fool!"

Lucinda looked up. Instead of looking upon the beady-eyed and metal-mouth of the antagonist from "A Christmas Story", she saw the green, almond-shaped hues and rose-tinted cheeks of Xavier Michael. His face was exuberant and his mouth pulled open wide in a bigger laugh than before.

"A-HA-HA!"

"X, what are you doing?" Lucinda called up to him and set her book to the side.

"The question is Lou, what are _you_ doing?"

The girl shuffled around on her knees to face the tree, so that she didn't have to crane her neck to look at the boy. He sat in the crook of one of the thick, bare branches; back leaning nicely against the upper trunk and one leg swung out beneath him, swaying back and forth.

"I'm just reading," Lucinda offered with a slight shrug.

Xavier shook his head and clucked his tongue. "Huh-uh." He shook a finger at her. "I'm talking about you and your reading _environment…_ Why are you sitting in the cold? Are you nuts?"

"I'm not nuts."

"You look nuts. You look like a girl who can't get enough potions and punishment."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Exactly what you think it means."

"I think you're nuts."

"You think my nuts, what?"

_Silence._

Lucinda's face went red and she plastered a hand to it. "Oh my god," she muffled out through the hand. "How could you say something like that?"

"Oh, look at Lou get red! I never knew you could get so embarrassed!"

"Stop it!"

"No, it is too much fun!" X called down, before he jumped to the ground beside her with a "tally-ho!"

" _Jeeze!_ You almost kicked me in the face!"

"Oh, my dear, sweet Lucinda," Xavier scrambled forward and held the sides of her face. "Tell me I didn't! Tell me! Oh, my sweet, sweet child. How could I have done such a thing? Tell me I am the rubbish in your trash bin! Tell me I—OW—HEY!"

Lucinda brought a fist up and then back down on the top of the red-head's skull.

"Haha!" Lucinda laughed at the boy while he fell back on his bottom in the brown grass and rubbed the crown of his head.

"Ahh… You didn't have to hit me so hard, you butt."

"Wah—don't call me a _butt!_ "

"But you are a butt. Jeeze…" He squinted an eye at her, but he had a smile on his face. "So, seriously then," he said, dropping his hand into his lap. "It's the middle of December and you're acting like it's summertime bake-fest out here by the lake. It's frackin' cold, man. What gives?"

"Are you that interested in my affairs?" She retorted, hardly concealing the smile in her voice or on her face.

" _Always_." He said with a waggle of his eyebrows.

Lucinda laughed again and turned around to lean her back on the tree, as she had been doing before. "You're right…" She nodded. "It is cold. But that is precisely why I'm out here."

"See, I knew it, Lou," Xavier laughed tenderly. "You are a masochist."

"I am not," she glanced sideways at him, before her eyes settled in front of her on the surface of the black water. "I don't really mind the cold, for one and for two… Well, as you can see, there aren't many people here who feel the same." She gestured behind her. "No one wants to be out here right now."

"Plus, a lot of them are still in class." He added in, thoughtfully.

"Yes, there is that—hey!" Lucinda snapped her head in his direction.

" _What?_ " He said back with a wide-eyed shrug.

"You're skipping class right now!"

"Who says?!" he retorted in an equally appalled tone.

Lucinda sat forward and looked at him seriously. "You think I don't know all of my friends' class schedules?"

"Are we friends now?" Xavier's wide grin pulled to the side.

"Of course we are…" Lucinda replied and—because there was still a small part of her that wasn't sure—she added, "I mean, unless you don't think that we are."

For a small moment, neither said anything and Lucinda was afraid that she'd been mistaken in their "friendship". Xavier looked to his left and out across the lake. He seemed to breathe in deep and then he looked at the girl in front of him again. He cracked another smile.

"Of course we are," he mimicked her words.

Lucinda smiled back, looked down in embarrassment briefly, and then said, "So, seriously, why are skipping class? You're going to get in trouble."

X shook his head distractedly. "I'm trying to avoid McGonagall."

Lucinda cocked her head to the side. "What for? Did you forget to do an assignment?"

"No… I know I don't look it, but I'm one of her best students. Transfiguration's pretty easy, in my opinion."

"Yes, but why are you avoiding her?" The girl persisted.

X shrugged quickly and said with a look toward the lake, "Oh, she's taking down names of students who are staying at school for Christmas break."

Lucinda waited for him to say something more, but he didn't. "And..?" She trailed off expectantly.

A wind came and ruffled the hair on the boy's forehead. His eyes were still staring out across the lake and Lucinda thought she saw his throat move as he swallowed. His blushed lips parted in a motion to answer her, but then he merely let out a faint sigh.

"If this is something you'd rather not talk about—"

"What?" Xavier turned his eyes on her again in confusion. "No, no, it's alright. I'm just spacing out."

"But, I'm guessing you don't want to tell McGonagall that you're…?"

"That I'm staying at Hogwarts." He shrugged again, with a grimace.

"There's nothing wrong with staying at Hogwarts," Lucinda replied with a gentle smile. "I would stay if I could, but I told my parents I'd go home."

"And I would go _home_ if I could, but I'm staying." He tried for another nonchalant shrug and a crooked smile, but Lucinda was watching him intently and didn't smile back. X dropped his gaze to his lap and then back up at her again.

"Still…" Lucinda said slowly. "I don't understand what this has to do with professor McGonagall."

"Well, it doesn't have anything to _do_ with her, exactly. I just don't want her knowing I'm staying."

"Why?"

"Because she'll ask why I'm not going home."

"She doesn't seem like the type to pry. Are you sure she'd even care about your reasons..? No offense."

"None taken," X smirked at her and leaned back on his hands; Lucinda watched them, wondering if his fingers were freezing from the cold ground. "I have gone home for Christmas break for every year I've been here. She'll find it strange that I'm not going this time… She'll want to know why, with that hardened gleam in her eyes… And I really just don't want to deal with her going and pestering PomPom about it."

" _P-PomPom?_ " Lucinda questioned with a laugh.

"Oh," X rolled his eyes. "Right. She doesn't like that name… Madam Pomfrey."

"Why would she…?"

"Well, I mean, it's not that bad of a nickname. She should know by now that I'm not going to stop calling her 'PomPom.'"

"No, I mean, why would professor McGonagall go to Madam Pomfrey about you?"

"Well, she's my aunt."

Lucinda tilted her head all of the way to the side and stared at the red-head boy. "Uhh… Seriously?"

Xavier shrugged again. "Why is that so hard to believe?"

"It's just a surprise, that's all," Lucinda shrugged back at him. "So… I still don't understand why it's a big deal that you're staying at Hogwarts for Christmas."

"Never mind," he shook his head and stood up. "Let's just say that I don't want to start any unnecessary fights."

"I thought you've never been in a fight?" Lucinda joked as she stood up with him.

"Weeell…" Xavier rubbed his chin in thought. "I might have been in one or two."

"How many fights have you been in, X?" Lucinda asked and leaned her shoulder against the tree. "Five? Fifteen?"

"None."

"None?"

"Not a one."

Lucinda narrowed her eyes. "I don't believe you."

"You and the rest of the world, Lou," said Xavier and then he looked up at the sky with a flat hand across his brow. "It looks like snow. You should come back inside soon."

"You should go tell McGonagall that you're staying at Hogwarts during break."

Xavier dropped his hand and narrowed his eyes this time. "Maybe I will, Lou. Maybe I will…"

A silence fell upon them and X became slightly uncomfortable. He rubbed his hands together and then stuck them in his coat pockets. "So you're going home for Christmas? Any major plans?"

Lucinda smiled and nodded. They walked together back to the castle, while she told him all about her home in the country and about the family that she was going to see during Christmas break. She didn't press him on the issue of his own home. Half the time, she didn't know whether or not he was joking, anyway. It was the same thing with the whole Madam Pomfrey thing. Who knew if that was true? Either way, Lucinda didn't care. He was kind to her and made fun of her and it never failed to put a smile on her face.

* * *

"Ahh!"

There was a crash, as glass met stone. "What's wrong?!" Snape spun around on the spot, completely ignoring the glass of water that had just slipped from his startled fingers and smashed on the floor.

"It's turning purple!" Lucinda squealed, bouncing up and down behind her table. "It's finally starting to head in the right direction! Thank Merlin!"

Snape squeezed a fist at his side and refrained from slamming it against his desk. "Don't scream like that."

"But I'm so excited!" She bounced again and Snape looked away from her chest, as it was making itself very prominent at every move that she made. It was another Saturday and she had muggle-type clothing on: a simple long-sleeved emerald green shirt. The neckline scooped down slightly, though and she wore a plain silver chain that reached just where the swell of her breasts began. Severus realized his eyes had wondered to the piece of jewelry again and he averted his eyes for the tenth time.

"So, the color is getting closer…" Snape observed to himself and began cleaning up the shattered glass and water from the floor. Lucinda hadn't even seemed to notice he'd dropped the thing. She mused over her potion with a happy grin on her face.

"The color is only half the battle, though," she mumbled and lowered the temperature of the flame under the cauldron. "I thought we might try the Kudu sap once it turns red."

"And you're sure this is something that you have thoroughly researched?" Snape asked, walking around her table to stand behind her and gaze down into the potion. "None of this seems familiar. What are you trying to accomplish with it?"

"Well, I don't know yet," she said gently. "That's why it's an experiment. Don't you want to be surprised?"

"Actually, I don't particularly _enjoy_ surprises."

Lucinda laughed distractedly and bent forward slightly, peering into the liquid. It was turning to a deeper purple. She didn't know if that was good or bad, yet… "So if I surprised you with a Christmas gift, you wouldn't be grateful?" She mumbled, watching the potion with a nervous breath.

"Are we to that point now, Miss Morgan?" He said quietly over her shoulder. "Exchanging gifts?"

"It's not a _point_ that we're at, professor," she replied coolly, but her voice still held a smidgeon of angst. "I give gifts to acquaintances, as well as friends."

"And what would your rotter of a boyfriend think of that?" He sneered, but she couldn't see his face anyway.

Lucinda shrugged, as she looked down into the dusky potion. "I don't know. I don't care."

"You don't _care?_ " He asked in honest surprise, when he was originally going to ask it mockingly. "What's gotten into you?"

"Urgh!" Lucinda slammed a hand down on the table. "I don't care about _this_ stupid thing! Look at it now! It's BLACK!"

"Well…" Snape leaned over her left shoulder and placed a hand on her right one. "At least it could be _any_ color now."

"Do you think this is funny?" Lucinda asked resentfully.

"Of course not," he said quietly and rubbed a thumb over her shoulder a couple of times. "I'm just trying to keep you light-hearted about this. It's not life or death. It's just an experiment. It's supposed to be pleasurable."

Lucinda's face began to get warm. He could have used a different word. Now she felt strange with his face so close to hers and his hand moving absentmindedly across her shoulders. She stared down into the failure of a potion and felt her professor's fingers move up to the back of her neck. She was about to ask him what he was doing, when she felt her necklace gently pull against her throat.

"You are about to dip this in the potion," Snape muttered.

"Oh," she replied and placed a hand against her throat to hold the chain there. "It's alright. It's not that important." She leaned away from the cauldron, but Snape was too close to her. She simply leaned into him instead. Snape didn't want another mishap like last time though and so he was the one to step away from her. He released his hold on her necklace and walked back toward the front of the room.

"Why is the chain not important?" Her teacher asked as he stared at his chalk board. "You wouldn't wear it if it wasn't important, would you?"

"I guess not…" Lucinda said, thinking about it. "It used to be important, anyway."

"Used to?" he asked without turning around. "How so?" Then he began to erase certain parts of the steps they'd taken with the potion that day.

"The chain isn't what was important. It was what was _on_ it."

Severus turned around and looked at her. She was still staring down into the cooling potion, but her hand was still holding onto the chain around her neck. "What was on it?"

Lucinda let a small breath out and looked up at him. "It doesn't matter. It was something my mother bought me, although she was reluctant to…"

"Well, now I am intrigued beyond my control, Gryffindor Girl." Snape said with some amusement and began to walk back to her table again. "What was she so disinclined to buy for you?"

Lucinda frowned. "It's kind of embarrassing."

"I'm certain it isn't," he said gently, standing with his back straight and his hands clasped behind his back. "Tell me the story."

The girl chewed her lips, but a small smile began to find its way to them. "Well, alright…" she said and then began the short tale. "So, we live in the country, away from most of civilization. The closest town isn't much to look at, but we'd travel there anyway, because I was fascinated by the broken fences and crumbling factories. My mother didn't like the place to begin with. She would have preferred not to visit, at all, but there was a shop that I couldn't get enough of. Now, Cokeworth doesn't look like the kind of place that would even have a shop, let alone one that would be _interesting_ , but it was! There were all of these different trinkets and things and beautiful jewels—" Lucinda stopped talking abruptly. Her professor was leaning forward with his fists clenched atop the table as he looked at her with apprehension… and the beginnings of anger. "What is it? What did I say?" Lucinda asked while her face fell.

"Did you say Cokeworth?" He said quietly.

"Y-Yes…" Lucinda mumbled and her face fell more at the look on his face. "What's wrong?"

"Are you..?" He began in disbelief, but then he shook himself and lifted his hands from the table. He rubbed his face and looked at her again, searching her face for something, but she didn't know what. "Are you just being flippant with me?"

"What are you _talking_ about?" She asked in irritation. "I'm trying to tell you a story that I'm embarrassed about and you're making it really difficult. Now I don't want to tell it to you at all!"

He watched her face for a moment longer as it grew more and more distraught. Then he decided that she was being honest and the guilt he always felt around her began to rear its ugly head. "Sorry," he finally mumbled and waved a hand at her. "I'm thinking of something else. My mistake. Continue."

"No, I don't want to now," she snapped and began packing up her things.

Severus sighed and braced his palms on the table as he looked down at her. "Do not be that way. I was distracted," he said soothingly, hoping she would give in. "Please, tell me the story. I want to hear it."

Lucinda stopped her motions and looked up at him. "Are you that interested?" She asked skeptically.

Severus leaned over the table, so that his face was close to hers. " _Exceedingly_ so…"

The blush that crept up her throat and disbursed across her face was more beautiful and more satisfying than any word she'd ever speak to Tristin Samael.

"Oh-h, okay…" she said and her hand went to the chain around her neck again.

Snape involuntarily looked down and caught a glimpse of the valley between her breasts and he felt his own face flush. He turned around abruptly and walked to his desk. "Alright, so tell me…" He said and hoped his voice would not betray him. "You visited a shop of trinkets in Cokeworth… What did you see there that you liked?"

"Oh yes!" She exclaimed behind him and Snape smiled to himself. "So, on occasions that I was being exceptionally good or sometimes on my birthday, we would visit Park's Shop in Cokeworth. Mother hated that place… She hated the whole town, actually. I think the broken buildings just depressed her, but they made me feel nostalgic for reasons I couldn't even fathom… Anyway, I'm getting off topic. So, on one special outing—and it was special, because it was my eleventh birthday—we went to the shop for a present of my choice, because that is where I wanted it from."

"You wanted a trinket?" Snape questioned, slightly bemused. He leaned back against the front of his desk to watch her speak.

"I just wanted a piece of that place," she continued with faraway eyes. "I wanted to have it with me, always… So, I looked around the shop, but nothing really caught my eye. I was feeling disappointed and kind of foolish about the whole trip. We were just going to leave, but then I saw something shimmering in the window. It reflected the light and I saw something sparkling in a mix of silver and green…"

"Go on…" Snape said, truly fascinated now. "What was it?"

"It was a pendant," she replied, but she looked down as she said it. "I know it resembled something dark, but I liked it… Mother's face drained of color. She was as white as a ghost and I felt so bad."

"What was it?" Snape asked again.

"It was a serpent made from emerald stones."

"What is so dark about that?" He asked with a scoff. "There is nothing dark about a serpent. It is just a symbol."

"Well, it wasn't the snake that had my mother so upset…" She said, becoming increasingly fidgety. "It was the… object that the snake was wrapped around."

Snape folded his arms over his chest and watched her nervous glances. "You have nothing to worry about," he said to her. "I will not judge you. Tell me."

"It was a skull…" She said slowly and locked eyes with him. He held her gaze and she didn't seem him react at all. There was just the slightest movement of his eyebrows and that was it. "It… resembled the Dark Mark, quite a bit… and I think it really threw her. She didn't want to buy it for me. I am not proud of it… but I begged for the pendant. I wanted it more than anything. I'm sure she was just afraid, what with the Dark Lord gaining strength in followers and everything… I mean, I had just turned eleven. I was undoubtedly going to be getting a letter from Hogwarts that following summer to start school and she probably thought I was going to end up in Slytherin—no offense intended on that, either—Part of me has always wondered if it was the pendants fault that caused my mother to keep me from Hogwarts. But, of course, we learned the truth about that. Well, _part_ of the truth, anyway…" She trailed off again and Snape watched her, his own ponderings forming in his mind.

"So, what happened to it?" He asked quietly.

Lucinda frowned and continued packing her things. It wasn't until she had taken the full cauldron to the back of the class and emptied it in the sink that she continued. "I had just received my first letter from Hogwarts. I was in the middle of celebrating and jumping for joy at the thought of advancing in my magic when my mother, in a sudden rage, told me that I was to be homeschooled. I'm not even going to sugar-coat it. I flipped out on her. I screamed at her. I told her I hated her. I even ran away. I tried to make it to Hogwarts, myself. It was the middle of summer and not even time for students to start arriving, but I told myself I would just go to the school to live and no one was going to stop me. It was unconventional, but I tried to do it. I got as far as Cokeworth and, let me tell you, that was quite a trek on foot. It took me several hours to get there, before my mother realized I was gone. It only took her a few minutes to find me, of course. It was such a spectacle in the middle of the street. I embarrassed her. I know I did. I cried and stomped and bellowed that she was the worst mother who ever lived and that she didn't deserve me as her child. I told her that I wished she wasn't my mother…" Lucinda had to stop talking. There was a sob threatening to choke her. She had to keep it in. She had her hands in the soapy water, the tap still running at a trickle and she breathed deeply, trying to keep her tears in. One escaped, though. It slid small and silent from the corner of her eye and trailed down her cheek close to her ear. That was when she felt a hand touch her face and wipe the tear away. She turned to see that her professor was now standing next to her, looking down at her in a new way. She never knew professor Snape could have so many different expressions when he looked at her…

"Sorry," Lucinda said with a laugh. "I didn't mean to get so emotional. It's just a sad story."

"She knows you didn't mean it," he said softly and ran his knuckles down her cheek. "Did she take the pendant from you?"

Lucinda smiled sadly as her professor's hand left her cheek. "Yes. She pulled it right from my neck. The chain broke and the pendant slipped off and fell in the dirt. I went to retrieve it and she grabbed it before I could."

"And she threw it…" He finished the story for her.

Lucinda nodded. "Yes, she threw it. And directly after that she took me back home…" She rinsed the cauldron and set it on the table behind her. "I only had it for about six months, but it's alright. I know my mother felt bad. She was really gentle with me for the next few days, but I was still distraught… We even searched for it together a few times on our visits back to the town, but nothing ever came of it. The pendant was gone. It either got trampled deep into the earth, or someone found it."

"I'm sorry that you never found it," he said and he really sounded so terribly sorry that it was as if he were the one who ripped the pendant from her neck and chucked it in the dirt.

Lucinda shrugged and picked up her bag. "It's alright. It's in the past. It's not like it was a family heirloom or something. It was just pretty. It would have been nice to keep it, but I can't change the past, so oh well. Let's change the subject, shall we?"

"Actually," Snape said, looking at the bit of sun peeking through the tiny windows, "it seems it's getting late. Dinner will be starting soon. You should go."

"Just me?" Lucinda questioned. "Are you not coming to dinner, as well?"

"Yes, but not yet," he answered and then started toward the classroom door. "I will see you later; possibly at the end of the supper hour… possibly not at all."

"Why? What's going on?" Lucinda followed behind him.

"It's nothing, Gryffindor Girl," he smiled down at her. "There is just something that I need to take care of. I will see you later tonight or tomorrow. Be sure to go and get something to eat, regardless."

"Okay…" she replied, wanting to question him further, but he was already making his way quickly down the hallway outside his classroom. Lucinda watched him go; his black cloak billowed out behind him in a great, dark wave. She didn't see him that night at dinner, though. He had said she might not... but it still left her thinking of him as Tristin sat down beside her at the Gryffindor Table.


	26. Goodbye Severus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The dreaded day has come. It is a day I knew was to eventually arrive, but I did not think it would be here so soon. Alan Rickman has passed away. I don't think I need to explain to you how deeply this has destroyed me. I'm finding it difficult to come back to this story, but, alas I came back and finished the chapter I had been working on. If you are reading this fanfic, then I can assume that you are also a fan of Alan's work and are sharing in my misery. Words cannot even describe the despair I feel as I wake each morning to remember that he is gone from this world. I can't change it. I can't go back. I can't do anything except carry on, as that is all anyone can do. I didn't know him and I think what hurts the most is now I will never know him. I will never meet him just once, as I had hoped someday I might. Once again, though, we cannot go back in time. There is no use living with regrets that were out of your control. We can only remember him and honor him with wonderful stories. I have no doubt that he probably would have laughed at this fanfic, rather than enjoyed it, but it's the best I can do, you know? All I can do is keep writing this story and hope there are readers out there who enjoy it and feel closer to Alan Rickman as they read it, even though my portrayal of him is my own and not exactly as he was in the books or the movies. I hope somewhere up there, Alan has wifi access and can see this. Either that or just please hear my thoughts and prayers, along with everyone else who is down here grieving over you. I doubt the pain will ever fully go away…
> 
> Anyway, allow me to somehow move on and discuss the chapter. After doing some research, I found out that it is insinuated that kids usually get their Hogwarts acceptance letter around their eleventh birthday. Here I was thinking that everyone got them the summer before they were supposed to go. So, for the story's sake, let's not focus too much on that detail. Lucinda's birthday is sometime in the winter and the fight with her mother in Cokeworth takes place somewhere in June. This is vital information and cannot be changed. Enjoy this chapter and that ones that will follow, because I will never let go of this story.

There was nowhere for him to go; nowhere for him to escape. He couldn't keep bothering the only friend he had. He felt like a burden on her anyway. She smiled and laughed as he spoke, but he knew she was a friend and nothing more. Lately, she'd been spending more and more time with that piece of shit _Potter_ , as well. It really didn't even make sense. James was so _full_ of himself. He was deliberately nasty to Lily and what did the girl go and do? She _befriended_ him! She took all of his teasing and arrogance and flashy personality and just accepted it! There was a bitterly savage part of him that _knew_ she was only that way, because the two of them were both Gryffindors. They stuck together like some segregated, oh-holier-than-thou. Those smug bastards walked around like they were rulers of the school. They looked _down_ on the Slytherins. All of them did. Well… all of them except Lily. Lily was kind and sweet to the core and it was only a matter of time before Severus messed it up.

The sixteen year old boy kicked at the dirt beneath his feet and trudged on, wishing with all his might he was allowed to do magic at home. He wanted to set the surrounding buildings on fire. There was no one in them anyway. He didn't necessarily want to hurt anyone; he just wanted to destroy something. He wanted to walk beneath the murky water that flowed to his left, down in the disgusting river. For a moment, he even thought seriously about it. It was below him, through the brush and the trash. Severus decided to walk down to the water's edge. Maybe he would make his decision once he was down there, staring at his hideous reflection in the brown water.

He was halfway down the slope, when there was a loud POP. It crackled through the air and he knew the sound well. It was someone apparating. That meant they were not a muggle. Severus couldn't help but feel an excitement stir in his stomach. Lily was the only other non-muggle in that town (that he'd noticed, anyway). They didn't know how to apparate yet (or, more so, they weren't _supposed_ to know how to apparate yet), so he also knew that this person was not Lily. It was a whole new magical person, there, in Cokeworth (in the dirtiest neighborhood, no less) and he wanted to see them. He instantly wanted to know why anyone else would come to such a mundane place if they had mystic blood running through them.

Severus crouched down and then slithered on his belly back up the slope again to stare over the top. He saw no one at first. After all, the popping sound was somewhat far off. It was like a car backfiring, if anyone else had heard it. Severus, however, knew that it was a witch or a wizard and he waited until they made themselves visible.

There was a moment that passed and then suddenly the silent street ahead was disrupted by the soft pattering of running feet. Severus saw red and it was the very first thing that made itself known. It was a small, jumping blur at first, but then it neared him. Immediately following this, he saw black, curling hair whip past him in another blur of blue jeans and a red blouse. She looked to be hardly old enough to be on her own, but maybe she was just short for her age. _She_ couldn't have apparated, could she? That would be obsurd. Still, he continued to watch, because now he wanted to know why the girl was running. Several moments later, however, before she could get very far away, there was another person who ran onto the street, following the little girl. Severus felt just the slightest inclination to run after them, to make sure nothing happened to the child, but he knew he shouldn't get involved. Instead he creeped along the river bank and tried to keep the two within eyesight.

"Stop it! Stop running!"

"Leave me alone!"

"Lu—Lucinda please… Please, stop!"

It was not hard to figure out that this was mother and daughter. They looked so much alike… Severus' previous inclination dissipated, as the mother obviously had concern in her voice, not anger. He wondered if he'd be able to keep up with the scene, though, because he kept tripping over the roots of trees in his scramble to not lose them. Luckily for him the mother caught up with the daughter in the next second and he was able to catch his breath. He lay down against the ground again and watched from the brush that surrounded him.

"Let go of me!"

"Lucinda, why did you do this?! Why did you leave on your own like this?!"

"I'm going to Hogwarts and you're not stopping me! You can't stop me!"

"You don't understand. You _can't_ go. The… The letter was a mistake."

"You're just jealous, because you wish you could go back!"

Severus clenched his fists as he watched. So they _were_ witches. At least, the mother was. The daughter was still under determination. What did this mean? Could someone get a Hogwarts letter by accident; by mistake? There was no way. Dumbledore wouldn't make a mistake like that. So, why was she not going? And what were they doing here in such a terrible place?

"We are going home."

"No! NO! Get—off—"

The girl's long, unruly curls bounced as she tried to struggle away from the woman. It looked like she'd had her hair pulled up into a ponytail hours ago, but now her hair had fallen. She must have been traveling for some time. There was a smudge of dirt under her delicate chin and sweat that shined on her temples. Her fury was building and he could almost feel it through the smoggy air. It was like water beginning to boil, more and more violently. He thought he could even hear it.

"Stop it!" The woman screamed and then shook the girl. "STOP IT, LUCINDA! You are _never_ going there, so stop this!"

The girl finally pushed away from the woman and took a step back.

"I HATE YOU!" she screamed and there was a small explosion behind Severus. He turned around to see that a whirl pool had formed in the center of the dirty river. He didn't ponder it too long, though, because the child continued to scream through the street. "You are not my mother! I am not your daughter! You don't _deserve_ me as a daughter! How could someone do this to their own flesh and blood?! That is the reason I don't believe that you're my mother! In fact, I wish that you _weren't!_ I wish I lived with someone else! I wish I was the daughter of a successful witch, instead of you who doesn't care about me at all! I hate you! I HATE YOU—!"

Severus tried not to move as he saw the woman throw an arm out toward the girl. He thought she was going to choke her when she grabbed for her neck, but then he saw something silver reflect in the June sun above. It was a chain around the girl's neck. Her mother grabbed it and yanked. There was the faintest pop as the chain audibly broke. The little girl screamed and crouched down on the ground, but the mother obviously snatched up whatever was there before the girl could.

"No!" the girl cried in panic. "Please, give it back! Please!"

"This isn't fitting for my daughter. You will never get this back and you will _never_ go to that school!"

It wasn't the chain that flew through the air and glimmered against the sky. It was something else. It was an object and Severus realized it was something that was _on_ the chain. The mother still clasped the chain in her hand and he saw it swinging limply between her fingers. The little girl had dropped to her knees and wailed. Her hands covered her face and her sobs wracked the quiet street in misery.

"You threw it… You threw my pendant… Mama—"

"We're going home."

"M-Mama… How… c-could you—"

Severus held his breath. There hadn't been a scene like this in Cokeworth before. This town was as muggle-ridden as it got. It was dull and dirty and pathetic. The air was hard to breathe sometimes. It was just so hard to _breathe_ sometimes… But, right then, in that moment, Severus thought that perhaps it was the little girl who was having trouble breathing. She hiccupped and sobbed. She fell to the side, grinding her pretty, red blouse in the pale dirt. Her dark hair came loose from her ponytail the rest of the way and rubbed into the dirt, as well. She wrapped her hands around her head and the cries of misery from her were almost too much to take.

"Come on, my darling…" the woman spoke softly and knelt beside the crying child. "Let's go home."

The girl lay limp and didn't even fight her mother as the woman scooped her up in her arms. She cradled her daughter against her chest and then in a POP they disapparated. Severus still watched the place where they had been, perhaps waiting for them to show up again, but they didn't. He didn't even know you could apparate or disapparate with another person who couldn't… Maybe they would learn about that later on at school…

Oh, school.

Severus straightened up from his spot by the riverbank and looked around him. That girl might have gone to Hogwarts that coming year, but apparently she wasn't… It was strange. Severus thought about it for a while. He searched the grass and the sticks and eventually found the pendant that the woman had thrown. It looked like something a Slytherin would wear. She could have been in his house… Severus shook his head and his greasy black hair fell in his eyes. He stuck the pendant in his pocket and walked back home. For some reason, he knew he would never see the little girl again. He kept the silver and emerald treasure and forgot about her, knowing that it was logical to do so.

* * *

Snape woke with a shuddering gasp. It was strange to open his eyes and stare upon the low ceiling of his parent's house looking back at him. For a moment, he thought he was still in his dream. He expected to see the ceiling of his room at Hogwarts, but all he saw was the cobweb-covered, warped wood of his childhood home. He still technically lived there, but only in the summertime. It was not summer, though. It was the week before Christmas. The sky outside was clouded over and, because of that, the light inside the house was so dim it could have been dusk. Snape sat up on his bed and rubbed the back of his neck. Something scratched him and he brought his hand in front of his face. The pendant from his dream peered out from between his fingers. He'd held onto it while he slept. The emeralds glimmered up at him in what little light came through the dingy curtain in his bedroom. What time was it, though? What day was it? How long had he been out and why?

He looked to the side of the bed and there sat a half-bottle of brandy, which had been full the night before. _Oh right,_ he thought. _That's why._ He hadn't planned to drink himself into unconsciousness, but the memories came flooding back to him the moment he retrieved the pendant from beneath the floor of his old bedroom (which was now his study). He held it in his hand and he suddenly felt so god damned foolish. He had forgotten her, just as he had deliberately done. It was easy enough to do. He'd only seen her for a few minutes and then never again… Not until he was a teacher at Hogwarts and she was the new student in her Seventh year; the same one whom he had wished would be in his house, but wasn't. He couldn't put two and two together, not until she'd told her story the day before. He had forgotten her name. He had forgotten her fight with her mother in the street. He had forgotten about the little girl who was forced to never go to Hogwarts.

So many things were finally making sense; the whirl pool in the water behind him that day. She could control water, even when she wasn't meaning to. Her mother said the letter was a mistake, much like the moment this year when she said something very similar to her daughter again.

_We made a mistake. We never should have let you come to this place._

Hadn't he faced a sudden longing to protect the girl once they met? Though, he did fight those same feelings again and again. Still, he later fought to keep her at Hogwarts… He had been very passionate about it. It was important to him, but why? Why had he not seen it? Why had he not remembered her? Why had he been so adamant to forget her forever?

Severus stood and stretched and walked from the room, down the stairs and into the small sitting room. The grandfather clock to the side of the cold fireplace told him it was nearly seven-thirty in the morning. He only had a short time to get back to Hogwarts before breakfast started and Lucinda saw that he was still not there. He didn't come back the night before in time for supper. In all honesty, he was on his second glass of brandy by then, listening to the radio and staring at the pendant in his hand. He eventually drank too much and then fell asleep, which resulted in his very over-active brain replaying a scene from his childhood that he hadn't thought of in six years… Merlin, had it really only been a few years since… everything?

* * *

"Lucy, come on!"

Lucinda looked up from her bag that she was rummaging through. "Oh! Hang on a sec—" she mumbled and finished repositioning the bottles in her bag so that the zipper would close. She probably didn't need to bring all of those ingredients (seeing as she probably still had plenty in her room at home), but she brought it all anyway.

They were all in the entrance hall, saying goodbye to teachers and friends, wishing everyone a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. There were only a few minutes left before the train left for Kings Cross Station and then she wouldn't be back for a couple of weeks. She was excited, but saddened at the same time. She was really going to miss all of her friends and the school and the daily meals with everyone… her boyfriend… the library, the Gryffindor common room, the astronomy tower, the Black Lake… But most of all, she was going to miss professor Snape. She had been spending so much free-time with him lately and they were having really good conversation (for the most part, anyway). Just like with her other friends, every moment spent with him made her feel like she was progressing in her life. She felt herself growing and enjoying just being alive and at Hogwarts. It was only a little time away from all of that, but it saddened her just the same. It might have only been because Severus had still not shown up… He never made it to dinner the night before and he hadn't been at breakfast that morning, either. Now everyone was leaving to catch the train. She wasn't going to get to say goodbye…

Aurora stood a few paces ahead of Lucinda with her brother in the front doorway and they both waved for her to hurry.

"I'm coming, I'm coming!" Lucinda called and walked quickly to catch up with them. Other students passed in and out of the doors, some running to say goodbye to a teacher and others hurrying to fetch wands they'd left in their dormitories. Lucinda jostled past them and reached her friends. They were all just starting down the steps outside, when Lucinda was gruffly pulled back and two strong arms wrapped around her from behind, causing her to drop her bag. Lucinda's eyes went wide in fear, but Aurora rolled her own golden ones after looking over the girl's shoulder. Then she continued on with Clover (the latter looking just a little less peppy than usual). The Borealis twins left for the carriages on their own.

"Tristin," Lucinda gasped as she turned around in the boy's arms. "Are you trying to give me a heart attack?"

"If that's the only way I'm going to give you one, then yes." He said shortly.

Lucinda arched an eyebrow at his obviously negative demeanor. "What's wrong?" She asked, reaching a hand up to touch his cheek. "You're not normally like this. You're usually really happy…"

Tristin's pale face fell a little and he looked down. "I'm sorry. I'm just going to miss you so much. I was hoping we could spend our first Christmas together, you know?"

"You know I told my parents I'd go home. It's only for a couple of weeks."

The glossy eyebrows of the boy drew together in sadness. "Just don't find someone else during break."

Lucinda looked at him with stagger. "You're joking, right?" She laughed. "The only people I'm going to be seeing are my cousins and stuff… and _maybe_ Aurora's family for a night, but we'll see."

"If you say so…" He muttered with a shrug.

Lucinda smiled and leaned up to kiss him. He had been pouting a little, but her lips seemed to wake him up from his depression and he turned right back into the seducing Slytherin he had been before. One of his hands twisted in her hair and his tongue invaded her mouth to force itself against her own. While their lips moved in unison with one another, Tristin's unoccupied hand traveled the length of the girls back and down to her bottom. His fingers stretched open wide, gathering a handful of one butt cheek and then squeezed. Before thoughts could be formed, he used his new grip on her to pull her body tightly against him. His pelvis pressed against hers and she felt what was unmistakably his arousal. Lucinda broke the kiss and gasped. "T-Tristin—" she stammered in an uneven breath.

"Oh, say my name again," he moaned quietly against her mouth.

"Tristin, please," she whispered back, putting her hands against his chest to push on him slightly. "Someone will see."

"That's what I want," he replied evilly and there was a darkness that flashed in his bright eyes.

Her stomach did a flip. She couldn't tell if it was from excitement or anxiousness. "Why would you want—" Lucinda began to say, but she was interrupted by a voice behind her at the bottom of the steps.

"There is probably a time and a place for such a display of affection, but it is definitely not the front steps of the castle, Samael."

Lucinda felt her throat go dry at the sound. She didn't want to turn around. She was embarrassed beyond words, especially since (to her absolute horror) Tristin still had his hand on her ass. She even thought she felt him squeeze it again after the voice spoke.

"Oh, come now, professor," Tristin replied, staring over the girl's shoulder. "I'm not going to see my love for two whole weeks and I want to get my feel-ups in while I can."

Lucinda pushed against the boy's chest hard and he stumbled back. "You're the worst." She ground out angrily and bent down to snatch up her bag. "I'm going now. I'll see you soon."

A hand wrapped around her wrist and pulled her back up again. "Don't be that way, my love," Tristin cooed, holding her in his arms again. "I was only joking. You know that, don't you?" He stared down into her eyes, noses touching; hand stroking lightly on the side of her face.

Lucinda sighed uncomfortably. Any moment now Severus was going to rip them apart, or say something awful or take points from Gryffindor or… would he take points from Slytherin? She was about to struggle away from the boy again when she needn't worry at all. Snape had already stalked passed them up the steps and was walking through the front doors. He didn't glance at her, at all. His demeanor was careless and crisp, as it always was. He didn't care anymore that she was dating Tristin?

"Professor Snape!" Lucinda called without thinking. The man stopped dead in his tracks and Tristin's grip on her tightened painfully. She ignored it and continued to stare at the back of Severus's head. She hadn't meant to sound so panicked. She didn't want anyone getting the wrong idea, but seeing the man walk away from her without so much as a goodbye glance or a wave of his hand was forming something so detestable in her that the words spilled from her mouth without a thought of consequence. It was obvious that Tristin was not happy with what she had just done; especially when she pulled her gaze away from her professor to look at the boy in the face. "I'm sorry, Tristin, I still need to ask a couple of questions about the potion I'm working on before the train leaves. I'll see you soon, though." In the corner of her eye, she saw Snape turn around to look at them.

"Write to me," Tristin said stiffly, but he wasn't looking at her. He was looking away. She was sad to see that there was some hurt in his eyes and she hoped she was wrong.

"I will," she smiled and kissed him again. It was brief and he kissed her back greedily, but he did not look at her again as he turned and left. Lucinda felt something stir in her chest as Tristin and Severus crossed paths at the top of the steps. They turned and looked directly at each other as they passed. There was a slight pause, but there was an undeniable glare that was exchanged between the both of them. Lucinda had never seen Tristin make such a face at his superior before. There was something changing. It was something that she didn't even know existed in the first place. All she knew was that something was changing and the feelings in her chest wouldn't go away.

Nothing was said between the two men. They straightened their gazes in front of them again; Tristin went inside and Snape finished his descent on the stairs until he stood in front of the girl. He looked her face over. The traces of anger were gone from his eyes and now he simply stared at her. "What is it, Lucinda?" he asked quietly, but he still wasn't looking her in the eye; he was trailing his eyes up along her forehead and then drifting them back down to stare at her nose or her mouth or chin; she didn't know.

"I hate to make you follow me, but I don't want to miss the train," she said apologetically. "Do you mind walking with me, while we talk?"

Her professor nodded gently. "Come then," he said in that same quiet voice. He held a hand out for her to grab and she took it. Fingers clasped tightly against his as she allowed him to lead her down the steps. Once at the bottom, she let go, but he thought her fingertips dragged just slightly and in just such a way against his palm that it must have meant something. However, he shook the thought away instantly and swallowed his pride.

"What is it about your potion that you have questions about?" he asked as they walked. "You know I have just as much, if not less, knowledge on whatever you're experimenting with."

"I know…" she replied quietly. "I really just wanted to have a moment to talk with you… Where have you been?"

Severus looked down briefly and then returned his wanderings to the path in front of them. The carriages were at the end of the declining hill they were on, just at the edge of the Forbidden Forest. He put his hands in his pockets beneath his cloak and breathed out, watching the steam spread out in a cloud ahead of them. "I had some business to attend to."

"Could it not have waited until the Holiday?" she asked. "What kind of business was it?"

"I guess it could have waited…" he replied and ignored the second question. "I am not as disciplined as I thought I was."

Lucinda let a sigh escape her to turn into another cloud of fog in front of them. She was too comfortable. She should have felt nervous walking so casually with her professor, but she didn't. She peacefully enjoyed it. "So, you're going home for Christmas?"

Snape looked down at her. Their eyes met for the first time that day and he suddenly felt compelled to spill everything to her. "I was going to…" He trailed off, while his eyes did their own trailing over her face again. "But I am not certain, yet. I do not particularly enjoy being there."

"Oh…" Lucinda replied and returned her gaze to the carriages ahead. She could just make out Clover and Aurora climbing into one. She hitched the bag on her arm a little higher, holding the strap at her shoulder.

"Why don't you let me carry that?"

Snape had stopped and was holding his palm out. The girl stopped as well, looking sideways at the man. "I can do it."

"So can I," he replied with a sneer. "It's only to the carriage. That's where I'll leave you."

Lucinda felt a hard ball of angst form at the base of her throat. "You're not coming to the train? Aren't you going home?"

"I told you I wasn't certain I was going yet," he said offhand and reached for the bag on her shoulder. "It's a terrible place. I'm better suited for Hogwarts. Besides, I would simply apparate. When is the last time you saw a teacher on the Hogwarts Express?"

Lucinda shrugged off the bag and he took it from her, slinging it over his own shoulder. "Never, I guess…" she mumbled and walked forward again. Snape followed.

They hiked on in silence for the next few minutes and Lucinda's anxiety built. She didn't know where it was coming from. She just kept getting a sick feeling in her stomach, like something bad was going to happen. She and Severus were becoming good friends and this was going to be the first time they parted. It was giving her a first-hand experience at what it was going to be like when she graduated and left Hogwarts for good. She would move on with her life and Severus would be there, at the school, teaching new students. The dreaded thoughts had arisen again and were tormenting her. She had to stop thinking about it and just live in the present. If they were friends now, surely they would still be friends after she left Hogwarts…

"You know, Xavier isn't going home either," Lucinda said, trying to distract herself. "He was really vague about it. He said this is the first year he'll stay at Hogwarts during the holidays."

"Mm." Snape acknowledged. They were drawing closer to the carriages. He had to say something to her; now or never.

"Do you know his parents or grandparents? Or who he lives with?"

Snape regarded her with a questioning eye. "Why do you ask?"

"Well, it was just strange," she shrugged and looked ahead. "He pretty much said that he wanted to go home, but couldn't. He said he didn't want to cause any 'unnecessary fights'. How am I supposed to hear something like that and not wonder what's going on?"

"It's best to leave it alone."

Lucinda turned a hardened eye on the man at her side. "Why?" she asked quickly. "What do you know?"

"I know more than most at Hogwarts, but it is not something that should be brought up around your friend."

"How can I bring something up that I know nothing about?" she asked with a laugh.

Severus stopped walking and turned to face her. Lucinda stopped, as well, and turned a little. He looked down at her with a stern expression and she was instantly reminded of professor McGonagall.

"What?" she asked, beginning to feel guilty under his gaze.

"Do not say anything to him." Snape said seriously; _too_ seriously.

Lucinda replied instantly with an "okay".

Then he turned and continued toward the carriages, which were close enough now to see the frost still lingering on the dark wood. Lucinda followed in silence, yet again, except now she felt worse than ever.

Neither had said anything, still, once the girl had climbed into one of the carriages. Snape leaned halfway in to toss her bag on the seat in front of her and his cloak brushed across her shoulder. Lucinda smelled cinnamon and she bit her lip, as her mind tried to remember the scent. "Severus," she said in a rush and grabbed the retreating arm that was still halfway inside the compartment. Snape stopped and leaned back in.

"You're going to be late," he warned gently and slowly pulled his arm from her. Her fingers slid against the black cloth until they reached his hand and there she held fast again.

"Wait—" she said with a rise in her voice. Her hands clasped against his tightly and her eyes wandered over his face; she tried to study every feature etched into it. "Wait, please, Severus."

"Gryffindor Girl, what has gotten into you?" he asked softly and brought his other hand forward to lay over hers. "You have fear in your voice and I'm startled by it. What is it?"

"I have a bad feeling," she admitted, eyes moving frantically back and forth over his face. "I just have a bad feeling. Please, write to me while I'm gone. Please, stay in contact with me."

Severus took a turn searching her face. Her eyes were creased with a terror she'd never shown before and, hell, it was kind of scaring him, too. Could she possibly have some Seer blood in her? Was she predicting his imminent death over Christmas break? Or was it her own? "Lucinda…" Snape began and then decided to climb into the carriage with her for a moment. He pushed her bag close to the compartment wall and then sat down across from her. She still had ahold of one of his hands and he replaced his other one on top of hers again. He squeezed gently and looked into the dark eyes that stared back at him with worry. "Lucinda, what are you afraid of?"

The girl's lips trembled slightly as she parted them. "Never seeing you again…" she whispered.

Snape looked down at their hands. She didn't act this way with Samael when they said their goodbyes. She was dating the little prick and she hardly gave him a second glance as he walked away. Snape tried not to let his ego swell, but swell it did. It was painful watching the wretched boy grope her right in front of him, but touching in such a way did not always mean love. It did not mean she even liked him all that much. In fact, she seemed to be quite upset he'd even done it. Yes, this was looking good. She was having her moment of testing the Samael swamp waters and did she like it? No, it didn't seem that way, did it? She seemed pretty indifferent about the boy most of the time, but was she now sitting there, clinging so desperately to yours truly? Yes, she was… and it was invigorating.

"You will see me again, Lucinda," Snape said with a smirk and brought a hand away from hers to cup the side of her face. "You act as if this is goodbye. It is not."

"How do I know that for sure?" she asked quietly. "I mean, the Dagala culprit is still at-large. Nothing has happened yet and I get a terrible feeling that now is when they're going to show themselves."

"Now, you're just being paranoid. No one is going to poison you in your own home."

"I'm not talking about me!" she snapped. "What if they meant to hurt you all along? It was your classroom, after all. What if something happens while I'm not—"

Snape slid his hand up from her jaw and over her mouth. "Shh, stop it," he whispered and leaned in close to her face. "You're being irrational and you are about to be late for the train. Do you think that I am a helpless man? You have no idea what I am capable of. Don't fear for my life. Fear for your own."

Lucinda's brow drew down and she pursed her lips slightly. This caused Severus to feel the movement of her mouth against his palm and goosebumps rose on the back of his neck and across his shoulders.

"Lucinda, I—" Snape swallowed roughly and tried to continue, though he kept his hand over her mouth. This was probably because he didn't want her to interrupt him and stop him from what he was about to say. "I need to tell you something."

She held her breath and the palm against her lips started to sweat. "Mmf?" she muffled through it.

"I need you to know something about me…" he continued. "If this friendship that we have is ever going to… grow, then I need you to know some things about me. I need you to hear about things that I have done. You deserve to know the kind of man that you're so inclined to be around, because perhaps if you really _knew_ these things, then you might not be so… so unyielding about getting close to me."

Lucinda let go of his other hand and brought her own up to the one that covered her mouth.

"I have been a very bad person in my past," he continued again and Lucinda grabbed ahold of his fingers and tried to peel them back. "I have done things that would make your mother not only hate me, but despise me with a burning revulsion. I also fear that you, too, will feel that way."

When Lucinda couldn't pry the hand away, she did the only other thing she could think of and bit down on it.

"Shit!" Snape exclaimed and pulled his hand away from the clamping teeth. "What was that for?!" He shook his fingers out to ease the pain, but the look in her eyes was more painful than the bite. "What?" he said again.

Lucinda leaned forward and sunk her face into his neck, wrapping her arms around his back, beneath his cloak. "I will never feel that way about you." She mumbled against him. "Why would you put that in my head right now?"

Her hair smelled like the cold and with just a hint of orchids. "Lucinda…" is all he said and put his arms around her. Despite his original statement, the moment was gone and he told her nothing. They said their goodbyes and that was it. They both promised to write and Lucinda's face turned to a rosy red when he placed a chaste kiss to her forehead before departing the carriage. Another moment passed and she was bumping along the path on her own, heading for Hogsmeade Station and the Hogwarts Express.


	27. Christmas Letters

She'd been having a wonderful dream. It was the first pleasant one she'd had since the first night she arrived back home, three days ago. Since then, she'd been waking in a pool of her own sweat, crying out for no one in particular. It unnerved her parents; her mother especially, but she told them that it was her sudden change in sleeping arrangements, stress from school and her disruption in routine. Lucinda knew what was really wrong, though… She was still getting her feelings of dread late into the night as she slept. She was afraid something was coming, something was happening. It was as if the Dark Lord was coming back or something… It had a dark feeling like that.

There was a soft tapping and Lucinda opened her eyes. She'd been dreaming that her potion had been a success and that she and Severus were celebrating. He'd picked her up in his arms and spun her around the classroom. He didn't even stop her as she drank it and they both just smiled. Everything went perfectly. Then there was a tapping and she was pulled from her dream. Lucinda leaned up and looked over her shoulder at her bedroom window where something dark was hunched on the sill on the other side of the frosted glass. It tapped again and Lucinda flung the covers back. She stumbled over to the window and opened it, letting in a blast of early morning air.

"C-c-cold." She mumbled and took a step back to allow the large barn owl to swoop in. It circled the room once and then seemed to spot her mail-station and glided down to perch on the small platform. Lucinda shut the window and then walked over to the creature. It had a letter in its beak and Lucinda took it from it and then went back to her bed to wrap herself in her covers again. As she opened the letter, the owl drank from the water dish she had out and nibbled at the dried bits of meat in the metal pan.

"Oh, it's from Aurora!" Lucinda said, looking up at the bird. It clicked its beak and then continued its nibbling. Lucinda smiled and opened the letter.

_Hello Lucy!_

_I figured I'd get right down to it and ask how your holiday is and whether or not you have mentioned to your parents about coming to our house for a couple of days. I know, right? I am being so over-bearing. I just know that Christmas Break doesn't last that long and I want you to meet my family. Anyway, so we didn't really get to talk much on the train about what's been going on with you and… you know who. And if you're wondering which "you know who" I'm talking about, then that is precisely my point! Clover was with us the entire train ride, so it wasn't like I could really bring anything up in front of him. So, spill it. What's going on with you? I'm happy you got a boyfriend and all and Tristin seems really smitten with you, but you've started to act a little differently. Given, I haven't known you that long and I don't know how you act when you have a boyfriend, but still! Late nights in the potions classroom with professor Snape? I thought it was nothing before, but now even Tristin (who never gets angry at anyone, might I add) has started to get a biting tongue when it comes to our beloved professor, and we all know it's because he's jealous of the time you two spend together. I thought, well he has no reason to be jealous. They're teacher and student and—dare I say it?—friends. But, something happened on your way to the Hogwarts Express. I knew Snape walked you to your carriage, because you allowed me that much information, but then nothing. You hardly said a word. WHAT IS GOING ON? Don't leave me in the dark, girl. You've become my best friend and I want to know what's happening in that lovely mind of yours. My love life basically doesn't exist right now (what with Adam hardly even trying to hold my hand) and yours is so obviously adamant and flourishing. I NEED to hear the juicy details._

_Send me back a reply with the post-owl. He's just a loan from the post office, until our little Patchy gets over his cold. Love you dearly and desperately awaiting your letter with baited, romantic breath. Haha!_

_Aurora Borealis_

Lucinda folded the letter back up and returned it to its envelope. She set it beside her and stared across her bedroom with a contemplative sigh. Seeing as she didn't know what exactly was going on with her either, Lucinda didn't know how to respond to the letter. There were only two days before Christmas, though, so she figured she might as well send a reply as soon as possible. Lucinda got back up, untangling herself from the warm blankets again, and walked to her desk for parchment and a quill. The barn owl watched her movements until she was settled on her bed again; then it continued to snooze (as it had started to), knowing that it better get its naps in where it could.

_Dear Rorie,_

Lucinda began her letter back to her friend.

_I regret to tell you that I have no such romantic news… Not really, anyway. I also don't feel comfortable writing this on parchment for anyone to read, so forgive my vagueness. I had a strange conversation with the aforementioned man. I also had an awkward encounter with Tristin beforehand. I can't believe how upset he is that I've gone home for Christmas. I haven't got a letter from him yet, but I am sure he will send one… He told me not to "find someone else" while on break. I mean, is that insane or what? We've only been dating a few weeks and it's like he doesn't trust me. Have I really given him any reason not to? I realize that my professor and I have something more than just a "student-teacher" relationship, but it isn't like we're feeling each other up during our private lessons._

Lucinda paused and stared at that last sentence. She bit her bottom lip and felt butterflies begin to take flight in her stomach. She really only wrote it out of curiosity. She _was_ going mad. If Severus ever read something like that, he'd cut their ties instantly. She could never cross the line with him. She would admit that the feelings that she thought were just those pesky little crushes that girls got on their male teachers, were becoming something so much more. She had trouble concentrating on much of anything else most days when he wasn't around and when he _was_ around… she fell into such a serene state that life before him seemed colorless and bland. The moments that they were alone were ones that she found herself cherishing much more than any others she'd had during her time at Hogwarts so far. He was getting to the point where he wanted to _tell_ her things and she had begun to do the same. He was also different than the man she first met. He was becoming more kind, even to the other students and it made her chest swell with affection and pride and she…. she…

"Oh my god…" Lucinda said softly to herself as she stared at her half-finished letter. How did this happen? How could she have _let_ this happen? She was falling for him. No. This couldn't happen; not to her. She wanted a normal year at Hogwarts. She wanted a normal relationship, not some one-sided, bullshit crush; not to mention, she already had a completely devoted boyfriend who was totally sexy and cunning and smart. Lucinda crumpled the parchment up and then lit it on fire. As the letter smoldered in the trash bin, she started a new one.

_Rorie,_

_My holiday has been pretty uneventful so far. I'm sorry, but I don't have any "juicy details" to enclose in this letter. Nothing has happened. I've just been feeling down lately, I guess because I had to leave Hogwarts. You know how much I love it there. Tristin said his goodbyes to me in a very… physical way and Professor Snape walked up behind me as it was going on. He had no reaction, so you see? You are paranoid for nothing. Nothing is going on. Tristin apparently is worried I am going to "find someone else" over break. I told him that would NOT happen. He's pretty upset that I didn't stay at Hogwarts for Christmas break. By the way, didn't you tell me before that Gabe was going to go with you guys? It didn't go unnoticed by me that it was just the three of us on the train and Clover didn't say one word the whole ride. So now tell ME what's going on. As for Snape, he walked me to my carriage and said he wanted to tell me something about himself, but he never did. I told him to write and that I was worried I wouldn't see him again. I know. What was I thinking, right? Why would I say that… Rorie, I am afraid I am a bigger fool than I first thought. There are things I'd like to talk to you about, but I need to say it in person over some eggnog or something. I know you wanted me over at your place at some point, but I've already tried bringing it up to mother and she's… so freaking reluctant, I just don't see it happening. Don't be upset, though, because she won't be against you coming here (she just wants me in her sights every day of break). We'll be having a New Year's Eve thing, so if you wanted to bring your family, you could. Please think about it. Then I'll let you into the sufferings of my heart. Haha (back)._

_I await your reply,_

_Lucinda_

* * *

There was a grunt from under her foot as Lucinda stumbled through the living room. She fell over onto piles of blankets and the little lumps beneath them squirmed.

"Oh fumkins—" groaned one of the lumps.

"What?" said another one in a threatening voice.

"I said FUMKINS!"

"That's close enough to the F-bomb, Gordon. Get over here—"

"Wussat?" mumbled another lump across the room. "Do I hear'sm swearin'?"

"I feel another body on me," came a voice directly under Lucinda. "I hope it's Lucy, 'cause if it's Uncle Joe, this is gonna be _real_ awkward."

"It's me," Lucinda laughed. "Is that you, Lina?"

"Lucy!" the girl beneath her cried. "How's it goin'? You mind getting off of me?"

Both girls laughed and Lucinda made her way gingerly through the bodies on her living room floor and then flipped the overhead light on. She was greeted with several hands covering their faces with a groan.

"Up and at 'em, my extended family!" The girl cried. "When did you all get here?"

The girl called "Lina" sat up and rubbed her face. "Late last night," she said with a yawn. "Probably close to one in the morning." She had dark hair like Lucinda's and a lot of the same curls, but this one's curls were bushy and unruly. It worked for her small face, though. She looked like an exotic lion with bright green eyes.

"Oh, I see you've finally got them up."

Lucinda turned around and saw her dad standing there. He grinned at her and then the group of people still covering their faces with blankets and hands. "Well, sort of…" he corrected with a little shrug. "How about some breakfast guys? Let's go—!" Then he walked from the room again. No one moved. Someone even started snoring again. Lucinda rolled her eyes and Lina stood up from her bed on the floor.

"Okay, so breakfast and then… shopping?" Lina asked, eyes sparkling.

"Sure thing, cuz," Lucinda smiled. "Got something in mind?"

Lina walked past her in plaid pajamas and smirked. "Take me somewhere my mother would disapprove of." She said mischievously and carried on down the hall to the kitchen.

"I heard that," came a mumble from one of the blankets.

* * *

"Ow, ow my feet—Lucy slow down."

Lucinda turned around to stare at her cousin in the face. Then she very pointedly looked down at the girl's feet. "I told you not to wear those shoes. Didn't I tell you not to wear them?"

"Well, yes," the girl grumbled and she, too, glanced down at the high-heeled fur boots that she had on. "But I wanted to look cute…"

"For who?" Lucinda spun around slowly in the middle of the street they were on. A dog barked somewhere far off and the cold wind blew dead leaves around them. The sky was a murky color and cast everything around them in a more depressing light than usual in that town. "Who around _here_ are you trying to look cute for?"

Lina pouted and shrugged with her nose in the air. "Anyone. The homeless. Who cares?"

Lucinda laughed and linked arms with her cousin, as they continued to walk (a little slower this time). "You are too much sometimes, Lina," she said with a contented smile and sigh at the decrepit buildings that sagged on either side of the street. "I told you where we were coming and you said alright. Did you not?"

"Yes, I know," she pouted more. "I just thought we would see _someone_."

"What does that matter?" Lucinda asked, as they started down a different road in Cokeworth. "Didn't you like that creepy guy on his front porch?"

"Wasn't he dead?"

"He might've been," Lucinda grinned. She couldn't believe how morbid the two of them could be together without batting a lash. It was so much fun, though.

"What were you wanting to get again? Did you ever even tell me?"

"No, not exactly, because I'm not sure."

"Haven't you bought anyone's gifts?" Lina questioned as she peered in the windows of the buildings they passed. "You're doing this kind of late, aren't you?"

"No, no I have…" she replied thoughtfully. "I already have gifts for my friends and my… ahem—my boyfriend, but I still haven't found something for my professor."

"Wait, what?" Lina turned and looked at her. "You have a boyfriend? When did _this_ happen?"

Lucinda blushed. "A couple of weeks ago or a few weeks or something, I don't know…"

"What do you _mean_ you don't know?" Lina smiled widely with her mouth open. "Holy crap, Lucinda, you have a _boyfriend!_ "

"I've had boyfriends before…" she replied in embarrassment. "It's not like it's bizarre or anything."

"Yeah, but do you remember how those others turned out? Jeeze, that one guy tried to set you on fire when he found out you were a witch—"

"That was different."

"And remember Anthony? Wooo man, he was a looker, but he was a _faker_."

"That was different, too…" Lucinda said more quietly and stared at the street signs that they passed.

"I don't know, Lucy," Lina said conversationally. "There was also Matt, who seemed totally normal and then he ended up being, what… the leader of that weird cult, right?"

"It was a phase."

"The cult or your choice in men?"

Lucinda sighed and stopped at the corner of Cobble and Crane. "Okay, I get it," Lucinda said grudgingly. "I've made some mistakes in the past when it comes to guys… But it's different now."

"So?" Lina persisted and the cold wind blew her hair into her face. She brushed it aside in frustration. "So what's this new boyfriend like then?"

Lucinda turned down Crane and the girls continued on their way, arms linked. "He's great. He's smart and kind and we have great conversations sometimes."

"Sometimes?"

Lucinda looked sideways at her. "Well, we used to have better conversations when we were just friends. Now we just seem to make out a lot of the time."

"What's wrong with that?" Lina waggled her eyebrows. "Sounds yummy to me."

"Oh it is," Lucinda humored her with a small smile. "But beyond the kisses and the feel-ups, our conversations aren't really there anymore… and he's started to get really jealous of my time with my other friend."

"Is your other friend a guy?"

Lucinda pulled her hat further down with her free hand. "Yes."

"Interesante…" Lina mumbled in Spanish. "Do you spend a lot of _time_ with this other guy?"

"Well, yeah; he's my professor," the Gryffindor Girl replied offhand and then stopped in front of a small shop with dirty windows. It didn't look like anyone was inside.

"Is this the same professor that you're now shopping for?"

Lucinda stepped forward with her hands cupped above her eyes to try and see through the glass. "Yes."

"Interesante…"

"What's so interesting about it?" Lucinda snapped, now walking to the shop's door to see if it was open. It was. She pulled on the handle and went in, Lina close on her heels.

"Nothing, nothing…" the girl replied as they entered the stuffy shop. Upon further inspection, the two girls spotted the shop keeper snoozing lazily in a chair behind the counter. "Is this professor of yours… attractive?" Lina continued, though she did so at a quieter level.

"He's… I don't know," Lucinda snapped again (quietly). "I don't think about it."

"Sure you do," Lina persisted and began scanning the walls for something sparkly. "Even if you haven't thought about it before, think about it now. Is he attractive?"

"Why are you asking me all of this?" Lucinda hissed from her spot on the other side of the shop.

"Because instead of saying 'yes' or 'no', you said… 'I don't know.'"

Lucinda turned around and looked her cousin in her green eyes. She closed her own brown ones and sighed to the ceiling, before turning her full attention back on the other girl. "Yes, okay?" she said in defeat. "I think he's attractive."

"Is he young?" the other girl asked, without missing a beat.

"Yes," Lucinda replied again (and she could do so with complete confidence, because he was, in fact, only five years older than she).

"Is he a psycho?"

"What? No."

"So what's the problem?" Lina asked with a shrug and then turned back around to look at the wall of rusting jewelry.

"Well, there—there isn't any problem!"

"So, go for the prof instead."

" _Lina!_ " Lucinda squealed in shock. "What are you _talking_ about?"

"Are you little girls going to _buy_ something?"

Both of them turned to stare at the chubby man who was now standing at the counter, albeit a little groggily.

"Hi, Chester," Lucinda said with a warning glance at her cousin. Then she walked forward. "I was just doing some last minute Christmas shopping."

"Lucinda Morgan?" The man turned his head sideways and bits of stringy hair fell over half of his face. "I didn't recognize you. You're growing up… nicely."

"Yeah, it's been a couple of years since I've stopped by," Lucinda laughed and leaned on the counter. "Forgive my absence. Last year was insane with school work and this year I've been at Hogwarts!"

"You're a regular customer here?" Lina mumbled out of the corner of her mouth.

"That so?" The man asked with beady eyes that flashed with a rush of excitement. "Is it just as we imagined?"

"Even more so," Lucinda whispered, ignoring her cousin's skeptical glances. "It is even _more_ so. You would have loved it, Chester."

"Well…." The man named Chester looked at the girl for a long time and then he rubbed his hands together. "Well!" he said again. "What can I get for you today? Any special requests?"

Lucinda looked around the shop once; even though she already knew what she'd wanted wasn't there. It was a small shop, so it didn't take long to do a once-over and find what you were looking for. Lucinda, however, didn't see anything remotely close to it. "I _had_ been looking for something… or, well, I was hoping you might have another one or something like it."

Chester pointed two pudgy index fingers at her. "The pendant."

"Yes!" She replied in excitement matching his. "I _knew_ you would remember it. So you have another one?"

"Nope." He shook his head.

Lucinda's face fell. "Oh, but I just thought… Because you seemed so happy—"

"Actually, I _did_ have another one," he said, but he continued to look over the top of her head, as if lost in thought. "Someone just bought it, though. It was the strangest thing, because I know I didn't have another one of those babies, but then there it was. He walked in, meandered around the stock and then laid the pendant on the counter. I mean, I wasn't going to object. I must have had one stuffed in one of those old jewelry boxes or something. But, anyway, yeah it's gone now. Sorry, Lucy."

Lucinda cast her eyes down to the countertop. "It's alright," she said with a soft sigh. "It wasn't going to be for me, though. I really wanted to give it to someone else…"

"This professor of yours?"

Lucinda's eyes went wide and she glanced at Lina, who put her hands up in defense. "Yes, Chester…" she replied reluctantly. "He's my friend. He's important to me."

"Sorry, doll," he said and gave her a yellowed grin. "Anything else?"

Lucinda looked behind her at the shop once more. "I… I don't know," she mumbled and scratched at her forehead. "I guess I'll look around some more and… try to find something."

* * *

_December 24_ _th_ _, 1982 (from Aurora)_

_Dear Lucy,_

_We are going to talk until our throats are raw and raspy! Was that too much? Anyway, your letter really threw me for a loop. There's definitely some things we need to discuss and I can tell you're feeling… confused? Depressed? Either way, I don't want to add to that despair, so I swear I won't be my usual grumpy self when it comes to your friendship with Snape and your relationship with Tristin. I want you to confide in me and that means sometimes hearing things that I'd rather not and being supportive, although I'm not necessarily saying that, that is the case now. I won't be able to make a proper "analysis" of this situation until we've talked. And talk, we shall! On New Year's Eve. I will see you then; along with my brothers and parents. I hope you're ready for the Borealis Squad. It's your fault for inviting us… See you soon._

_Aurora Borealis_

_P.S. Gabriel is another subject that will have to wait until we are in person. Clover still hasn't said much since we've been home…_

* * *

_December 25_ _th_ _, 1982 (from Lucinda)_

_Dear Rorie… Happy Christmas!_

_Just a quick note to say I love you and I can't wait to see you and here is a bottle of the best love potion out there. Oh, I'm just kidding. It's technically not a love potion, but it should nudge Adam in the right direction if you drink it before you see him. Plus, I made it, so drink at your own discretion. Just kidding, again. You know I'm good. It's safe… I also put in here a box of Turkish Delight for Clover that my cousin made (and insisted I send to everyone), but I think it's a good thing, because halfway through her recipe I poured in a cheering potion… We also didn't tell anyone. Hopefully this gets everyone through the holiday blues (if they need it). Once again, I can't wait for you to be here._

_Travel safely,_

_Lucinda_

* * *

_December 25_ _th_ _ , 1982 (from Tristin) _

_My Love,_

_First and foremost, I am sorry that I have not written until now. You have been on my mind every single day. I've been staying busy here at Hogwarts, though. I had more work to catch up on than I thought. You've been distracting me from my duties lately… in a pleasant way, but it is good to get some things done. I hope you are well. I hope that you miss me, because I miss you. Is your holiday going well? It is quiet here, save for the occasional burst of crackers. Speaking of which, I have a New Year surprise for you. In the meantime, please miss me. Please long to be near me again. I long to be near you… Happy Christmas and I hope you enjoy the thermos of butter beer. It's my "special" blend._

_Thinking of you,_

_Tristin_

* * *

_December 25_ _th_ _ , 1982 (from Aurora) _

_HAPPY CHRISTMAS LUCY!_

_I'm trying to write this with Chortle looking over my shoulder and it's difficult! If he's reading this, then take a hint! Get outta my face, bro! Haha. Regardless, just a quick kiss I blow to you on the cold December wind and a scarf that I knitted completely on my own (but possibly with a TEEENSY bit of magic)._

_See you in about a week,_

_Aurora Borealis_

* * *

_December 25_ _th_ _ , 1982 (from Lucinda) _

_Tristin,_

_Happy Christmas and I'm so glad to hear from you. I do miss you. I think of you, always. I'm happy to find that the butter beer is still steaming. I'm going to save it for later in the week, when I'm really missing you a lot. I have a feeling you put an extra "charm" on it to keep it warm. I appreciate it. It's cold outside! My break has been good so far. We've had family at our place for the past day and they leave tomorrow. A few days really isn't long enough, at all. Speaking of family, my cousin made some Turkish Delight. I hope you like it. Just to warn you, it has a cheering potion in it. I'm not sure why I would need to warn you, though. Everyone could use a cheering potion now and again… Don't you think? I also hope you like the picture. There aren't many of me in existence and I had this one made especially for you. See, I'm blowing you a kiss in it. Miss me always, because I always miss you._

_Looking forward to my New Year surprise,_

_Lucinda_

* * *

_December 25_ _th_ _ , 1982 (from Lucinda) _

_Severus,_

_I had hoped I would hear from you by now… You said you would write. Please, don't make me worry. I still don't know whether or not you went home for Christmas and I don't have that address, so I don't know where to send this letter…_ _And if that's the case, what the hell am I writing this for?_

_Severus,_

_I haven't heard from you, but that's alright. I know you're a busy man. Happy Christmas, by the way. I said I would send you a gift and that's what I intend to do, so… I hope this gets to you?_ _What the fuck am I doing_ _..._

_Severus,_

_Happy Christmas! I hope your holiday has been well so far. Mine has been just fine. I've been visiting with family. I love seeing my cousins and aunts and uncles. Are you visiting any family this holiday season? We've been cooking, nonstop. My cousin Lina made Turkish Delight (infused with a cheering potion) and I'm sending a bit of that your way, as well (upon her request). I honestly feel like a jerk, because that's all I'm sending you, besides this letter. I tried to find you something, but it didn't work out. I had something in mind and… it_ _just didn't work out_ _? Someone else bought it. I don't know what I'm saying. I don't know why I'm writing to you._ _I don't even know where you are._

_Professor Snape,_

_You're an asshole for doing this to me. You had to know you were doing this to me._

_Sincerely,_

_Your stupid fucking idiot student._

_Severus,_

_I hope the end of the year is finding you well. I have had a wonderful holiday so far. How are things back at the castle, as I assume that is where you_

"How many of those things are you going to write and then burn?"

Lucinda looked up from the parchment on her desk and threw a glance over her shoulder. Her cousin Lina sat there, flipping through a magazine, but she wasn't looking up. A pile of discarded letters lay smoldering in a heap in the trash bin. Lucinda tried not to sound guilty as she answered, "I just don't know what to say."

"Don't say anything at all, then," she replied lazily and flipped another page. "Ugh, David Bowie is like a god. Look at him in those spandex. He's coming out with a new album next year and I can't freaking wait."

"Who?" Lucinda mumbled as she tried to write again.

"Man, you witches need to get educated," Lina grumbled. "You're missing a whole world of culture by ignoring muggles."

"We do not _ignore_ them," Lucinda challenged. "Am I ignoring you?"

"Right now you are," the green eyed girl challenged back. "I'm telling you, don't try to write to him at all. You really _will_ seem like a girl with a crush on her teacher. Just leave it alone and see if he writes."

"He's not going to."

"How do you know?"

"I don't know," Lucinda mumbled again and then lit another one of the letters on fire and tossed it in the bin. "I just get the feeling that I'm not going to hear from him."

"And so what?" Lina closed the magazine and tossed it on the floor. "Let him have it when you get back to school, then."

Lucinda leaned her elbow on the desk and stared at the other girl. "Scold my professor?" she asked with an amused smirk.

Lina shrugged and grinned. "If I know you, you probably already do it."

Lucinda paused for a couple of seconds, mostly for effect, and then replied with, "Yeah, I kind of do."

"See?" Lina said and walked to the window. "You would probably benefit better if you let him stew in his—HOLY SHIT!"

"Stew in his holy shit?" Lucinda turned around to follow where her cousin went.

"There's something sitting on your window!"

Lucinda bolted from the chair and joined the other girl's side.

"It's big," Lina said.

"It doesn't… look like an owl, though…" Lucinda murmured back.

There was a black mass on the other side of the frosted glass. It hadn't made a move. It sat and seemed to stare right into the room at the two girls. Lucinda bent down and peered through the window the best that she could. "Hello?" she whispered.

_Tap-tap._

Lucinda straitened back up and stared again. Both girls turned and gave the other a wide-eyed look.

_Tap-tap-tap._

Lucinda bent forward and pulled the window open. She expected something to swoop in instantly, but it didn't. It was still sitting there on the window's ledge. Its black eyes looked up at her; its head cocked back and forth in a sharp motion.

"It's a crow…" Lina said.

The large, black bird turned its piercing gaze on the girl who spoke and let out a long, "CCCUURRRRR!"

"It's a raven," Lucinda corrected. "But, what is it doing here?" That's when she noticed the tiny package that was fastened to one of its legs. It was bringing her mail… maybe, but it still was just sitting there on the sill. It hadn't moved a muscle. "Um…" Lucinda continued tentatively. "Come in?"

The raven hopped off of the window ledge and onto the carpeted floor. Then it continued to stare up at her. Lucinda felt completely exposed by the unnerving eyes of the creature; they watched her every move. "Would you… like to… perch for a while?" She tried again, motioning toward the mail-station in the corner of the room. The raven cocked its head again, looked from the girl to the other girl and then to the station. Then it spread its wings and took flight; its expansive wings beat the air in the bedroom three times and then it landed on the platform. Lucinda watched it closely for something more to happen, but it was still again. She looked back at her cousin. "Can you get that window?" She asked and then walked to the black creature.

The raven held its foot out to her as she approached, but it never took its eyes off of her. "You don't have to stare at me like that," she whispered to the bird, as she untied the tiny brown box. "Is this your first time delivering something?"

"CUURRAARRRRUUU!"

" _Christ_ that's startling!" Lina cried behind her. Then there was a _snap_ as the window was closed.

Lucinda smirked as she finished retrieving the package and then took two steps away from the bird. "You can have a drink or a nibble of that food, if you want," she muttered, while undoing the string that held the box closed. She had a feeling, but she didn't want to get her hopes up. She _shouldn't_ get her hopes up. Maybe the bird was lost and this wasn't even her mail… Oh well, too late now. Lucinda's stomach did a flip as she lifted the miniature flap on the miniscule box, but then she simply stared at it. She stared for so long without saying anything that Lina stomped her foot impatiently (oh if only Severus could see where she got it from).

"Well, what is it?" the girl asked in agitation. "Why do you look like that?"

Lucinda's hands shook, as she took a small piece of paper from inside the box. Her eyes scanned over it quickly and then seemed to un-focus and stare right through it. Her eyebrows scrunched together and she looked from the box to the paper and to the box again. Her hands shook more. For fear of dropping the thing, she set it on her desk and then slowly backed away from it. The note was still clenched in her palm.

"Lucy?" Lina asked quietly. "What's wrong?"

Lucinda felt her chin quiver and the burn in her nose. She tried to keep it in, but the harder you try not to do something, the more forcefully your body gives in. She put the note-clenched fist to her forehead and closed her eyes, just as the first tears fell.

"Lucinda!" Lina jumped back off of the bed and put her hands on either side of the girl's face. "What happened? What did you get?"

Lucinda tried to keep her face hidden with her fists, but she couldn't keep the sob in that fought to escape her. "It's… It's a bottle of… K-Kudu sap—"

Lina stared wildly at the raven beside them, as if it would explain what the hell was going on, but all it did was churrr softly a couple of times and continue drinking from the water dish. _Kudu sap, Kudu sap… what the hell_ is _that?_ Lina thought frantically. How could something like that get her so upset? More importantly… who the hell sent it to her?

* * *

"I am only warning you one more time, Severus… Stop whatever it is that you're doing or _thinking_ of doing. You are going to hurt her. You are going to get yourself hurt. You have a way of complicating things that are better off left alone."

"Once again, Headmaster, I don't know _what_ you are talking about!"

Albus stared long and hard at the potions professor. They stood in Severus's living room in Cokeworth and the Headmaster had shown up without warning on Christmas Eve.

"You _did_ intend to send her a sentimental gift, did you not?"

"What does that matter?" Snape asked in agitation. "A gift is a gift. That is all."

The old man pointed his wand at the black-cloaked professor. "You are blinded by your heart's desire, Severus," he said in a quiet voice. "You act irrationally when that happens."

"I don't."

"You DO!" The Headmaster yelled and Snape cowered slightly. "Have you forgotten the events of last year?!"

"This… This is different," he said, shaking his head. "This has nothing to do with that."

"Of course it has nothing to do with it," Albus laughed bitterly. "But you are still acting on feelings of the heart alone. Your jealousy and your resentment will always cloud your judgement."

"My mind is _perfectly_ clear," Snape seethed. "That is why I act the way that I do. No one else seems to care that she is dancing with the devil."

"That is your next mistake. You are allowing your bitter feelings for a former classmate to undermine your ability to be a teacher."

"First and foremost, I AM HER FRIEND!"

Albus pressed his lips together tightly and ran a hand down his long, white beard. He arched his bushy eyebrows very faintly and then turned away from the furious man. "Maybe you shouldn't be anymore, Severus…" Then he left the house without another word.

* * *

_Miss Morgan,_

_Forgive me, but I never lost your Kudu sap. I simply wanted more time with you. I have been an idiot and I always will be, but now I must stop this. You may continue the experiments on your own time._

_Professor Snape_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really know how to kill a mood, don't I? Did I trick you guys? I'm so sorry! I got all of the way to the very end of this chapter and all of a sudden my mind kept going, "What are you doing? That's not how this goes." And I said, it isn't? "No no, you can't let this go the way Lucinda wants it to. You can't allow Severus to be happy yet." After all, he's done terrible things in his past and he really should be a better teacher… Haha. This is far from the end, so don't worry.


	28. Worthless Piece of Shit

"I didn't realize you felt so strongly about him…"

She shouldn't have. She should have known he was going to do this when they started getting too close. In a way, she did know; she just didn't think about it. She didn't _want_ to think about it. She wanted so desperately to be friends with him and it took so long to get to that point, but now… Now he was renouncing their friendship with some tiny slip of paper and a bottle of Kudu sap.

"Let's not talk about it, Lina," Lucinda said, as they sat on top of the fence and looked out at the expanse of trees and rolling hills around them. "I feel so stupid for getting caught up in my feelings."

"You can't help it," Lina offered, giving her back a couple of pats. "It sounds like he cares a lot about you. At least, a lot more than any other guy has before. He's saved you from death multiple times, which I will not mention to your mother, so don't worry…. He seems like this great guy, even though he's your teacher and all. I mean, people at my school end up marrying their teachers after they graduate all the time. I honestly don't see a problem with you getting closer with him, regardless if he's your professor. This is your last year. You are of age. It isn't like you're a fifteen year old and he's 30. You're five years apart!"

"That doesn't seem to matter."

"Of course it does. He's just being an idiot."

" _I_ am being the idiot."

Lina sighed and leaned her head on the wooden post that sat between them. "You are not…" she said quietly.

"Besides…" Lucinda continued with a look to her hands atop her knees. "I don't even know if he truly thinks of me that way…"

It was the morning after Christmas and they were all to have one last meal together before all of her extended family left for home again. Lucinda didn't reply to Snape's note. In fact, she almost lit it on fire to join it with all of the letters she had tried to write to him, but in the end… she couldn't. She kept the crumpled note and put it in her desk drawer. The raven had not left yet. It still sat perched in her room, eyeballing her, no matter where she sat. She left the window open, but came back to find it still there late on Christmas evening. She lay in bed that night with her bedside lamp on and the window shut (because it was too cold to leave it open), rereading the potions professor's note. She was just getting heavy eyes when the raven let out one of its "CUURRRR" calls and her eyes snapped open wide. She sat up and glared over at the thing. "Oh, _now_ you want to leave?" she said snottily. "Fine then, just go already!" Lucinda threw the blankets off of her, reached under her pillow and found the wand there. In a flick of her wrist, the window was thrown open with such force she heard a shameful crunch. _Great_ , she thought. _Now I broke the damn window._

"CUURR CURRRRR!"

"Go!" she said, launching herself from the bed and pointing toward the open window. "Why are you still here?!"

"CURRRAARRUU!" It screamed, flapping its wings twice, but it didn't move.

"Whatever," Lucinda grumbled and turned to pull the window back down. She forgot about the broken glass and it shattered with the movement. "Ouch!" she hissed as one of the shards sliced into her palm. She stumbled back and onto her bed, holding her wrist in the process. The cut went from the tip of her index finger, all of the way down to the base of her palm. One more inch and it probably would have severed an artery… "Shit, shit!" she whispered and looked around the room for something, but the raven had suddenly taken flight. It flew in circles around her room and called.

"CURRR CURRR CURRR CURRR!"

"Shut up!" she said frantically, afraid it would wake her whole family downstairs. "Go back where you came from! Go back to Severus! Tell him I got his note and to leave me alone! _Both_ of you leave me alone!"

The raven, very abruptly, swooped down right in front of her and she almost squealed, but she kept it in. It opened its massive claws and grabbed some of the glass off of the floor and then flew right through the broken window, out into the chilly, Christmas night. Lucinda stared in shock for several seconds, perhaps waiting for it to swoop back in, but it never did. She only heard it calling on the wind for a distance and then it was gone. She looked down at her palm and saw the blood pooling across it. What a terrible fucking day…

She wrapped her hand as best as she could and then cleaned the mess of glass up with her wand. When the pieces fitted back into the window frame, however, there was a large piece still missing toward the bottom. It was the one she'd cut herself on. It was the one the blasted bird flew off with.

* * *

"Pass the beef! I need beef!"

"Don't be so rude, Gordon…"

"Shut up, you ho!"

SMACK.

The boy was flattened face first into his mashed potatoes by his mother Camille. "Do not speak to your sister that way," she said calmly and continued to eat her own food.

"Bwahh," the boy grumbled and rubbed his nose free of the potato particles. "Her friends call her that."

Lina sniggered. "It's true," she said. "They do."

"Lucinda, you've got the candied carrots next to you, don't you?" Judi Morgan said two places down from her. "Could you pass them this way, please?"

"Sure," Lucinda said over the chatter of the table. She grabbed the bowl and reached over Lina's plate.

"Darling, what happened to your hand?" her mother exclaimed. She took the bowl from her, set it down, and then grabbed the girl's wrist.

"Ow, mother—"

"Guys, I'm trying to eat here." Lina muttered, leaning away from the arm stretched over her lap.

"Lucinda, there's blood all over this."

"Blood on what?!" cried one of her other younger cousins from the end of the table. "Blehhh!" He spit out the piece of bread he had in his mouth.

"Bradley!"

"Mother, it was an accident!" Lucinda snapped and pulled her arm free of the woman's grasp. "That bloody bird was making such a racket and I didn't want everyone to wake up. I broke my window trying to get it open—" (it was half true) "—and I cut my hand on the glass."

"You should have told me about it."

"I can handle it. It's just a little cut."

"You're still bleeding!"

"Blehhh!" Bradley dropped another mouthful of food onto his plate.

"Oh for Heaven's sake, Brad, would you stop?"

"I just need to make some salve."

"Lucy girl, you always have to make everything yourself," her father smiled across the table at her. "We could always just go buy some. I think we might even still have some tucked away in the basement."

"No, no it's okay," Lucinda smiled back. "I have an awesome recipe and I can make it in just thirty minutes. It's alright."

"Do you want to be a potions master, too, like your professor?" Aunt Camille asked. She had a mane of unruly, black hair like her daughter's and a cunning face, complete with bright red lipstick.

"Oh…" Lucinda poked at her plate with her fork. "Well, I don't know… I consider myself pretty close to a potions master already. I don't think I'd want to teach it, though. I'd prefer to own an apothecary or something like that, you know, making my own potions and selling them."

Camille nodded and winked at her. "You do whatever you want, darling."

"You do whatever is _safe_ ," her mother chimed in.

"Do whatever is _fun!_ " Lina whispered next to her.

Lucinda rolled her eyes and continued eating.

* * *

The fated moment happened while they were cleaning up from their early lunch. There was a knock at the door. No one seemed to think anything of it, though. Aunt Camille threw a casual "Get the door, Lina," but the girl said instantly " _I'm_ not getting it, I don't even live here!"

"Well, then your brother can get it."

"No, I'm asleep right now," called the boy named Gordon from the floor in front of the living room couch.

"Has anyone seen my toothbrush?" called one of her uncles, as he hurried past Lucinda.

"I don't have time for this! The train leaves in forty minutes!" came another voice from the hall and more feet rushed past. Everyone was trying to pack and get ready to leave.

"Lucinda, please go and get the door," her mother called from the kitchen sink, just as another few pounding knocks came splintering through the front door. "Jeeze, they're going to take the whole house down."

Lucinda left the room and walked down the hall. The knocks came again and they didn't stop after that. Lucinda called through the wood, as she turned the knob. "Alright, already! Hold on a second! Do you think any of us can get to the door that fast?! Don't you think some… some… of… of us…" She'd opened the door. She'd looked upon the one with the beating fist. His face was flushed red and the breaths escaping him came out rapid and grated.

"Professor Snape?"

His eyes found hers; then they looked over her whole face and then up and down her body. Before she could stop him, he stepped over the threshold and threw his arms around her.

"Professor—" She muffled into his shoulder. His embrace was tight and crushing. She smelled the cinnamon on his clothes and her heart threatened to beat from her chest. She almost succumbed to the touch. She almost hugged him back, but she stopped herself. Instead, she wedged her hands up between them and pushed against his chest until he let go of her. In actuality, she kind of shoved him. He stumbled back and stared at the angry features now beginning to surface on her face.

"Lucinda, are you alright?"

"Of _course_ I'm not alright!" she yelled and then, because she wanted to so badly, she shoved him a second time and he stumbled back through the doorway, giving her enough chance to slam the door shut.

"Lucinda!" she heard him call from the other side, but she was already turned around and running up the stairs to her bedroom. She slammed her door behind her and spun around, crossed her arms and then sunk down onto her bed. _What an idiot,_ she fumed to herself. _Why did he come here? He's such an idiot!_ Moments later, voices were heard downstairs and she knew that he'd been let back inside. Lucinda briefly wondered which one of her family members had done the deed, but then all thoughts were consumed by the man just below her in the house. She stared across the room at her desk where his note was inside the drawer. She clenched her fists as she thought of his words. This led her to wince, because of the cut on her hand, so she untucked her arms and stared at the wound, which was now seeping blood through the cloth again.

"Great…" she murmured and stood from the bed. _I might as well get the potion going for the salve…_

She had just set up her cauldron and had her bottles of ingredients lain out before her on her desk, when someone knocked at the bedroom door.

"Go _away_ , please," she drawled and started flipping through one of her potions books.

"I want to speak with you."

Lucinda heard his voice and she shivered. He had that edge to his words when he was on the verge of screaming at her. Well, she wasn't dealing with that now, no way.

"I'd rather not speak with _you,_ " she persisted venomously. "I thought I told that bird of yours to relay the message of: _leave me alone!_ " She uncorked a bottle of pale liquid and poured it into the caldron.

"It isn't as if he can _speak_ to me, you stupid girl!"

Lucinda left her cauldron, strode across the room in three large steps and opened the door. Snape looked angry, but relieved that she'd acknowledged him. She smiled unpleasantly and splayed her arm out toward her room. "Come in, then, professor," she said in a calm voice.

Snape said, "thank you" tightly and then walked a couple paces past her. He looked toward her cauldron as she shut the door behind him. "Are you in the middle of something?" He asked and turned around, where he was met with a stinging slap across his right cheek. There might have been a small part of him that was expecting it, somewhat, because he took the hit and didn't even cry out from it.

"You're lucky that was my left hand," she seethed. "If I could have hit you with my right, I _would_ have."

Snape was over his initial shock within seconds and then his hands were on her. Lucinda gasped as his fingers closed over her upper arms and he backed her into the nearest wall. Her shoulder blades bumped against the picture frames there and they fell to the floor.

"Severus, stop it!" she whispered angrily.

"Do not hit me again," he ground out, almost pressing his nose to hers. "You're not the only one who is angry."

"You have no _reason_ to be!" Lucinda fumed and shook her arms back and forth to free herself, but Snape held them tighter and pressed his hips against hers to hold her in place.

"I simply wanted to speak with you," he said, as his lips twitched. Footsteps could be heard coming up the stairs behind him and he quickly whispered an angry, " _Colloportus!_ " The bedroom door locked and Lucinda's eyes went wide.

Then a knock came. "Lucinda?" her father's voice called.

"Dad, please just give me a minute," Lucinda called back, but she kept her eyes on the man who held onto her. When her lips moved, they just barely grazed his and she had to turn her head to keep it from happening. "We need to discuss some things. I'll be out in a minute."

There was a pause and then her father said, "Well, if you say so…" and his footsteps were heard descending the stairs again.

Lucinda turned back to stare at her professor, but he hadn't moved an inch and so her nose was barely pressed to his again. "Get the _fuck_ off of me," she whispered and this time she allowed her lips to brush his as she spoke. If he wanted to be this inappropriate with her, then fine. She could play that game, too.

"Do not speak that way," he whispered back and not nearly as much venom was prominent in his voice anymore. "I was worried about you."

Lucinda rolled her eyes and pushed against him. "Oh please," she said and finally was able to get away from him (mostly because he let her). "You sure weren't worried when you sent me that _heartless_ message."

"It wasn't heartless!" He snapped and grabbed her right wrist. "What happened here?" He asked, looking down at the bloody bandage wrapped around her palm and middle finger.

"It was an accident, because of that damn bird." She said and pulled her arm free again. "I'm not going to ask you again, Severus. Why are you here?"

"An accident." He stately skeptically and glanced at the hand again, but he did not try to touch her. His eyes trailed back up to her face and he studied it carefully. She was watching him reproachfully. There was definitely a lot of anger in her demeanor… but what he picked up on the most was the utter betrayal in her eyes. This is what he hadn't wanted to see. He should have realized that she was okay. He shouldn't have gone there. Now it all meant nothing. "Rudolfo came back with the glass and the blood on it," he said finally and ran a hand through his hair. "I thought… Well, I just thought that you… might have…"

"What… you thought I tried to…" Lucinda said quietly. "Dear _Merlin_ , Severus, like I would kill myself. You're not _that_ full of yourself, are you?"

Snape threw her a deadly glare, before pacing to the window and stopping in front of it. He noticed the piece of glass missing from the setting and bit back another remark. What _was_ he doing here? "Can we chalk it up to being overly cautious?"

"Sure," Lucinda said grudgingly and walked back over to her desk to continue making the salve.

Snape turned and watched her for a moment and then he stepped up behind her. "Give me your hand, please."

"No, professor, I have a potion I'm working on," she said distractedly, without turning around. "It will be better than whatever you're going to do."

He fought the urge to sigh again and simply watched over her shoulder as she worked. It was the first time since he'd arrived that he actually noticed the green shirt that she had on. It was déjà vu all over again, as she leaned over her cauldron and her hair fell over her shoulder. He saw the scoop neck of her shirt and then the glimmer of the chain there on her skin. It hung in a gentle sway of silver and threatened to dip into the potion she had started. Snape brought a hand to the nape of her neck and the moment his fingertips touched the skin there, he felt her stiffen. "You have a bad habit of letting this fall in the cauldron," he said softly and then pulled up slightly on the chain.

Lucinda put a hand to her throat to hold the chain there. She straightened up a little, but continued to stare at the wall in front of her. She could just make out her professor's reflection in the glass of one of her picture frames. He was looking down at her sadly; tenderly… Lucinda gripped the chain tightly. _You have no right to look at me that way,_ she thought irritably. _You made your decision. You don't want to be anything to me anymore._ Lucinda pulled forward in a sharp motion and the necklace snapped. Snape couldn't help the small gasp that left him, as she then tossed the silver chain to the floor. "There," she said shortly. "It's not a problem anymore."

Snape didn't say anything right away. All he could do was stare down at the piece of jewelry on the floor and then at the back of the girl's dark head. She tucked a tendril of her hair behind her ear and continued working on the potion, while Snape felt the weight of the pendant crushing his chest in the breast pocket of his robes. "Lucinda…" he said gently.

"So, you see that I am fine now," she muttered, measuring out a fine green powder and then emptying it into the cauldron. "Why are you still here?"

"Lucinda," he said again and this time there was some hurt to his voice. "Please."

"Please, what, professor?" She asked, still without turning around. "You spoke your peace in the note. I get it. You're referring back to your original statement: students can't be friends with teachers. It's fine. I understand."

"Please, turn around and look at me."

Lucinda sighed in audible frustration and braced her good hand on the desk. "No." She said firmly. "I'm not going to play this game with you. We've been back and forth all year and I'm not going to do it anymore."

"I agree," he said quietly. "That's why it is important that you listen to me now."

"Damn it, I don't _want_ to listen to you!" She said a little louder and thumped her fist on the desk. "You can't keep doing this to me. I won't listen to another word. We are student and professor. That is it. Nothing else."

"Does it really upset you that much?" he asked and tried to put a hand to her shoulder but she shrugged it off. He kept his hands to himself after that.

"I don't know, Severus…" she said slowly, shaking her head. "I'm losing someone that means much more to me than he even realizes," she looked over her shoulder at him and his brow drew together as he saw the dampness beneath her eyes. "I'd say I'm pretty upset."

Snape cringed and looked away from her. How was he going to get through this? Yes, he'd been a coward and he _had_ sent her a cold and short message, but it wasn't heartless. He'd tried to be as subtle as he could in his wording.

Lucinda turned around the rest of the way and looked up at him, daring him to suddenly tell her that he didn't mean it. If he dared, she would really be done with him. She would not live a life befriending someone who told her he didn't want her anymore every other day.

"I'm sorry, Lucinda…" he whispered and made to put his arms around her, but she stopped them quickly and side-stepped him. She let out a small sob and walked to her bed to sit down on it and Snape was right behind her. Lucinda put her uninjured hand to her forehead and sniffled several times, trying to keep the tears at bay. She managed to be quiet about it, but they still flowed freely. Snape couldn't do anything for her. All he could do was kneel in front of her with his own head in his hands and wait for it to stop. Is this what Albus meant by not hurting her? It seemed that this hurt her the most.

"Get out of here," Lucinda said weakly. "Just get out of here and please don't come back."

Snape looked up, but she still had her face covered. He clenched his teeth and cursed his entire existence. "Fine," he replied and then stood up. "I will leave you for now, but don't think that this is the end of us seeing each other. There's still potions class—"

"No," Lucinda shook her head, finally moving her hand to look at him. "No, Severus, I am dropping potions."

"What are you talking about?"

"Do you think I can just sit there in class with you, knowing that you've completely cut your ties with me?"

"That doesn't matter!" He snapped. "Don't be an idiot and damage your academic standing because of me!"

"My school work?" Lucinda laughed humorlessly. "My entire _life_ is ruined because of you."

"Lucinda, stop it," he said forcefully and knelt in front of her again. "Why would you say these things to me? Do you think it's _easy_ for me to do this? You don't think I _want_ to keep being in your life? For Merlin's sake, you're the only one who makes me _feel_ anything anymore!"

"Then why are you doing this?" She asked and held her palms upward on top of her knees. "If I really mean that much to you, then why do you suddenly want nothing to do with me?"

Snape scooted forward more and put his hands on either side of her atop the mattress. "I want _everything_ to do with you," he said despairingly and tried not to slide his hands together, so that they met her outer thighs. He wanted nothing more than to embrace her. He wanted her to squeeze the breath out of him and press her cheek to his chest… "That's why I must cut our ties, damn it, because I'm going to put us both in a situation that neither of us will survive."

Lucinda wiped under her eyes roughly with her left hand and raised her eyebrows at him. "By just being friends?" she asked incredulously.

Snape stared at her beautiful face and then he looked down, as he shook his head. "No," he said quietly, not knowing whether or not he, himself, was going to survive the next sentence, "by being more than friends."

If he expected her to say anything at all right away, she did not. Lucinda stared at his face that still was not looking at her and swallowed the lump that had just formed in her throat. "What?" she asked shakily. "But we _are_ just friends."

"We were, yes," he said and then turned his hardened gaze on her, "but not anymore."

"I don't understand."

"Lucinda," Snape said almost pleadingly. "I can no longer be your friend, when what I want is much more than you can give."

Lucinda threw out an arm and it hit his shoulder, making it jerk sideways.

"Lucinda, please—"

Another blow landed in the center of his chest, but now he was ready for it and he continued to lean forward, towards her.

"Stay away from me."

"Lucinda, allow me this one moment of truth—"

"You're such an asshole," she said, as her tears started to fall again. "I told you not to keep doing this to me and now… now you've—"

"I've told you how I really feel."

"No, you haven't!" she cried and put her left hand out to stop his advances. "This is some bullshit excuse to continue messing with my head!"

"I'm not one to play games, Lucinda!" he yelled, and then suddenly made a motion with his hand toward the door. She thought he was doing another charm to re-lock it, but then she recognized it to be a room silencing charm. How powerful was he, that he didn't even need his wand for so many spells?

Knowing that the room had been silenced, Lucinda suddenly threw out a hand and slapped him a second time. This time he let out an audible profanity and held the side of his face. He glared at her, but she glared back. In the end he dropped his hand and leaned forward. "Go ahead," he snarled. "Hit me all you want. It isn't going to change anything."

Lucinda bit her bottom lip and looked away from him. "I want you to leave."

" _Gladly_ ," Snape said angrily. "I just needed to give you something."

"You already did," she replied bitterly and stared off toward the door.

"That was my confession," he said, ignoring her remark. Then he stood up once more in front of her and took the pendant from his robe pocket. He reached down with his free hand and opened the girl's uninjured fingers. "This is my goodbye," he said and started to place the pendant in her palm, but she pulled her hand back.

"Don't!" she snapped. "I don't want you to give me anything ever again. You've done nothing but hurt me."

"That was not my intention," he said and his voice softened again. He gripped the pendant in his hand. "As I have already said, I am trying to spare the both of us."

"Severus, you aren't doing anything except making a mistake!"

Snape placed a hand to his forehead and turned towards the door. "I have been going over it and over it. There is always the possibility that I am making a mistake, but I will make a terrible mistake no matter which way I look at it."

"You aren't making any sense," Lucinda pleaded. "You wanted to speak to me, yet you're talking in circles. You said you want more from me than I can give… How-how do you know that I can't?" She didn't mean to stammer. She was trying to sound confident, but she was shaking.

Snape didn't look back at her. He dropped his hand from his forehead and stared at the door. "This thing that's been going on between us…" He stated slowly.

"Yes," Lucinda replied, trying to show him that she was mature enough to discuss anything. "Yes, please explain that to me…"

Snape looked at the pendant in his hand. He knew she couldn't see it where she sat on her bed. He ran a thumb over the emeralds and rolled it in his palm. "I have felt… strongly about you," he continued quietly. "And I knew what I was doing. That's the worst part. I acted in complete selfishness and I believe I am still acting on that emotion alone."

"What do you mean?"

"I knew you had something verging on a crush for me…" he spoke even more softly; Lucinda made a sound of protest, but it was weak. She fell silent again. "I wasn't sure, but the more time I spent with you, the more prominent your feelings for me became. I found myself drawing those bits of affection out of you every chance that I got and I'm sorry."

"Why are you apologizing?" she asked behind him, but her voice was so blank he couldn't tell what she was feeling at the moment.

Snape turned around to look at her. "I'm enabling you," he said with a grimace. "It is natural to develop feelings for your teacher. It happens and then it goes away. I was mistakenly trying to drag it out. I was trying to make it worse than it was. I was making you feel like I felt the same—"

"You're speaking as if it's a tragedy, Severus," Lucinda said and stood from her bed. "You act like I'm just another girl in your class. You act as if you don't feel differently about me than any of your other students." She said this as she walked back to her cauldron to nurse it back to its proper state (it had been on the heat too long). As she worked, Snape walked back to her side again.

"No," he said and bent around her to pick up the chain from the floor; then he set it on her desk. "I have already said how I feel about you."

Lucinda shook her head. "No," she echoed back at him. "You haven't."

"What do you want me to say?"

Lucinda added a white powder to the potion, stirred it and then extinguished the flame underneath it. "I want you to stop talking around this," she said harshly and turned to face him directly. She crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes at him. "No more long explanations. No more vague confessions of… whatever you were confessing. What is it that you want from—"

"I want _you_ ," he said and didn't break their eye contact. Lucinda swallowed again. "In the most literal sense, I physically want you and I can't stop. That's why we can't be friends. I thought I could control myself, but obviously that hasn't been the case. No matter what, I always end up touching you when I shouldn't."

"But you haven't done anything inappropriate," Lucinda protested quietly.

Her face was a lot blanker than Snape thought it should have been. He'd just dropped something huge and heavy on her. Why was she reacting this way? Why wasn't she getting angry? He needed her to get angry with him… "It may not seem that way, but I have. I have been manipulating your budding feelings for me and trying to pull them out of you prematurely." At first, he was really just confessing how he really felt, but now he needed to turn this thing around. He needed to take it further… He needed to make her understand.

"What is this?" Lucinda asked, obviously genuinely confused, but he thought he saw the glimmer of doubt in her eyes. "Why are you saying things like this? Do you even know me at all?"

"I know that you aren't ready for someone like me."

She stared at him, silently. Her delicate features pulled down into a shadow of what they once were when he first arrived. Even with her crying and yelling at him and striking him, it was all still her. This new look on her face was not her. He tried to ignore the gradual expression of horror that was starting at the corners of her eyes and running down to the corners of her mouth.

"When did I… When did I ever say I wanted you?" She asked quietly. Her jaw hardly moved as she spoke, but her voice was shaking dangerously.

Fuck fuck fuck. What was he doing? Was this the only way? It seemed insane to him now. He was going to leave it at the note and that was it, but then he came here and started saying things that he shouldn't have. He had to backtrack. He'd already admitted too much to her. Now he had to make her believe it was all a show. Dumbledore was whispering in his ear: " _Don't allow her to fall in love with you_ ". He'd never said it, but it's what he'd meant with the look on his face and the gleam in his eyes. What Albus didn't take into consideration, though, was that Snape was possibly the one falling in love with _her._ The old man didn't understand that… or maybe he just didn't care about his happiness at this point. The student comes before the professor, after all… That's the way it was supposed to go, right? So, for the sake of her eternal happiness, he would deny her this short moment of it. She would forget eventually, anyway. Her life had more important things to pursue than a growing friendship with the likes of him…

"You didn't have to say it," he said with a scoff (and he was surprised he could fake it so easily). He was a deceitful man, after all, but it was far too easy to lie to the one person he never wanted to lie to again. He couldn't stand himself. As his demeanor changed, so did hers; he could see himself in her eyes. He could see the monster reflected. "I'm not an idiot, Miss Morgan. I know how you feel about me. Adolescent crushes are the easiest to pick up on—"

"If you think for one second that I—"

"—and I'll admit that I enjoyed it," he continued, ignoring her attempts to redeem herself. "I thought I was going to be bored this year, but you've clearly made things very interesting. I would like to continue this dance with you, because perhaps I might get something out of it, but, alas, I am a professor and you are my student and I'd rather not be fired in my second year of teaching."

There.

That did it. He saw her chin quiver once, but then it stopped. He held her gaze and the room fell silent. Lucinda's lips parted slowly and her eyes hardened like cold ice.

"Is this a joke?" She asked quietly; slowly.

Snape bit down and set his jaw straight. "Nope," he said with an unpleasant sneer. "It's the truth. I've been using you for my own selfish desires. I couldn't care less about the things you have to say or what you actually think of me or…" he jeered, "what you think about _us_."

"Severus—"

"Miss Morgan, do not use my first name. I can no longer put a smile on when you do it. It's abhorrent—"

"You're lying!" She suddenly threw her arms out and shoved him. He caught her wrists before she could pull her hands back again and held them to his chest. No, she wasn't upset enough. Not nearly enough…

"Or you could call me Severus when I have you in my bed later—" Snape said wickedly and leaned in close to her face.

Lucinda's eyes went wide and she pulled away from him, but he didn't allow her to go anywhere. He snapped her body back to him again and held her against his chest; her arms trapped between them and his own arms wrapped tightly around her shoulders and back.

"Seeing as you're so inclined to believe I want anything more than this, I will oblige you if you want," he purred against her lips. "I won't tell, if you don't. Or perhaps… I won't have to worry about you saying anything, anyway. After all, you've struck me several times today. That's enough for blackmail, not to mention the lovely _kiss_ you grazed my lips with on another occasion that I could tell the Headmaster about—"

She'd had enough. It was evident. Lucinda's face had finally morphed all of the way into something that didn't belong on her features. She struggled to turn her head and lean away from the man that was trying desperately to connect his mouth with hers. He could feel her body trembling. If she hadn't been shaking so much, Lucinda would have noticed how much Snape's arms shook, as well, as he held her. She would have felt the reluctance in his grasp and the disruption in his beating heart. However, her professor had finally succeeded in what he had originally wanted: to make her hate him.

The door behind him crashed open. It flew with such force that splinters of wood from the frame flew through the air and the doorknob whipped around and slammed into the owl perch—in turn, throwing the object from the table and across the room. Snape turned around with his eyes widening, expecting to see her father in the doorway, but he wasn't. No one was there. Not a soul. He turned his head back around to look at the girl in his loosening grip.

"Get _… OUT_ ," she hissed through her clenched teeth. Her lips barely moved and she didn't look at him. Her brow was knit, as she stared off toward the busted door. It was her; _she_ had been the one to slam into the room. The anger built up inside her had released the locking charm (and probably the silencing charm) with such strength that it broke the whole door down. Snape watched a muscle working in her jaw. Her hands were balled into fists against his chest and he felt them press into him as she drew herself away. He let her this time. He knew the deed was done. He had completely humiliated himself and her, but now she would give up on their friendship. She wouldn't try to get close to him again. He was still afraid she would leave potions class, though, and he didn't want that, no matter what. She still needed to excel in her studies. He hoped that she would get over this quickly and carry on—

Snape realized too late that he still hadn't moved away from her (though his grip on her was barely there anymore). Lucinda shoved him hard and he went stumbling back into her bed, losing his balance. He flopped down on it, bracing his hands against the top of the mattress. He looked up at her, unable to keep all of the shock off his face.

"Lu—Miss Morgan—"

"I told you…" she said in a low voice so unlike her own, "to get the _fuck_ out of here. I expect you to do it now."

Snape calmed himself from the inside and let it travel the distance to his face. He wiped the shock from his eyes and pushed out a careless glance at the window and then the door. "You're right," he said conversationally. "I should probably go before you destroy something else because of me. It's most unbecoming of a young lady, by the way. Maybe you should act more li—"

"You think I care anything about what you have to say?" She asked quietly, nearly scoffing at him a little. She crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow. "Forgive me, professor. I had a moment of weakness over the likes of you. I thought you wanted the friendship as much as I did, but I-I…" she paused and shook her head, "No. Never mind. I don't need to explain anything to you."

Snape stood, just as a pair of feet were heard coming up the stairs outside of the room. He brushed himself off and it was at this moment that he realized the pendant was no longer in his hand—of _course_ it wasn't; he'd forgotten about it in his flurry to upset her. He'd dropped it without even realizing it. Shit… He glanced nonchalantly at the floor and thankfully saw it just behind the girl, nestled within the fibers of the light colored carpet that her bare feet stood on. He stared too long at those feet. Her toes were small and pink. She'd painted the nails green recently… Shit. He'd lost his chance to grab the pendant. The footsteps outside of the room stopped in the doorway and he turned to look at them.

"What's going _on_ up here?"

It was her mother. She had a winter cloak of dark purple on that she was fastening under her chin. The woman stared between the two of them, eyes slightly larger than normal and then stepped over the doorway.

Snape glanced at Lucinda and to his uncomfortable surprise, the young girl (young _woman_ ) was still staring at him. She hadn't made one motion to even acknowledge that her mother had stepped into the room or even spoken. Lucinda's gaze was hardened and—not quite angry, but miffed. He could only imagine what was actually going through her mind.

She took another step toward him, ignoring the woman to her side. "Leave," she said as calmly as she could, though her voice shook at the end. "I will continue to do my school work to the best of my academic ability and I will enjoy the time I have left with my friends and my boyfriend at Hogwarts. I will not bother you again, so please leave now." She finally dropped her gaze at the last word. Her mother, on the other hand, snapped her head in her daughter's direction the moment the word "boyfriend" left her lips.

"I will see you back at school," Snape replied (unable to keep his voice completely devoid of emotion) and turned away from her. He glanced once more at the pendant behind her as he walked to the doorway. He passed Lucinda's mother without so much as an acknowledgement toward her.

"What—" Mrs. Morgan began, as she watched the man leave. Then she turned back to her daughter. "Lucinda, what's going on?"

Lucinda didn't answer. She was still staring at the floor, where her professor's feet had just been planted. He'd been wearing his usual black shoes, shined to a glossy finish. She was almost able to see herself in the reflection of the leather, as she stared at them, not wanting to meet his gaze. She never wanted to look at him again. She never wanted to speak to him again. She never wanted to… She never… wanted to…

" _Lucinda!_ " Mrs. Morgan tried again—louder this time. The woman glanced nervously at her daughter and then around her room and back out of the doorway. Voices could be heard downstairs. The front door opened. There was a crack like a whip as the professor disapparated off of the front porch. Judi sighed in frustration and turned back to the girl. "Lucinda, if you don't tell me what—" She stopped speaking instantly, though, because her daughter had her hands covering her face. Judi stepped forward just as Lucinda let out a quivering breath. "Darling…" She said in a quiet and threatening voice. "What has he done?"

Lucinda shook her head and her shoulders shuddered. "He—" she choked out. "I thought he… I thought he c-cared about me—" That was all she could get out. Her thoughts and her voice were broken up by the eruption of cries that started from her chest and then wouldn't stop. She ignored her bleeding hand and the mother who kept asking her what else happened and slumped onto her bed. She lay down slowly and she stayed there. Judi Morgan paused a moment longer, taking in the situation; weighing it… thinking it over… then—

"JOSEPH!"

* * *

"So… that's how you handled it? Interesting, interesting. I thought maybe you were a bigger man than that. Don't you think it was kind of a low blow? Don't you think you took it too far? Do you realize what this has done?"

Severus put a hand to his forehead and took another large gulp from his glass of amber liquid.

"She's never going to forgive you. Even if some time passes—years, even—and down the road you want to confess everything to her… even if she _believes_ you, she'll _never_ forgive you. What the hell was the point?"

_I can't do anything for her._

"Didn't you think of the future, at all?"

_I have nothing to offer anyone._

"Didn't you see the look on her face? Didn't you see the complete devastation in her eyes? And you call this 'doing the right thing'. It is a load of _bullshit_. You're a fucking coward and a prick—no, not just a prick; you are the fucking _epitome_ of an asshole. You are the very definition of the word, you worthless piece of shit."

The ice in his glass sloshed around in the whiskey as he tipped the glass back all the way and drained it. He swallowed down the burning liquid and then licked his lips with an unsatisfied grimace.

"Didn't you see the look on her face?" Severus said to himself and to the empty room in his home. The wind outside smashed against the window behind his chair and rattled the glass. "Didn't you feel your future slip away from you in that instant…?"

Snape stared at the empty glass in his hand. He had another week or so before school started back up again. He had that time to gather himself. He had that time to get over her and get on with his life… if he even made it to the start of the year. However, he was determined to see just how much booze his body could take until it gave up on him. He had a week. Then life would continue… He had a week to get it all out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to say, first and foremost, THANK YOU FOR YOUR WONDERFUL REVIEWS. Do you know how much it drives me to keep writing and to write faster? It helps, it really does. I'm so sorry this chapter took so long. I had been trying to keep a steady, weekly-type pace, but that kind of didn't happen this time. I have been very distracted. Wanna know WHY? So, I kind of found out that I'm pregnant. Today I heard the baby's heartbeat for the first time. For the past month or so I haven't felt like it was real… Well, it's definitely real now. Life is crazy. I've been married for a year and now I'm having a baby. LIFE IS CRAZY. But that isn't stopping me from writing fanfiction. No way. I think it's even pushing me to write more. Not sure why. Anyway, once again, thanks for your support through the journey of my Lucinda Morgan story. This tale is so important to me and all of you are so important to me. I know this chapter was kind of a downer, so hopefully you'll be happier with the next one, but… I don't know exactly what's going to happen yet. Bad author! I'm so mean… See you in (hopefully) a week or two!


	29. New Year's Eve is Coming

" _I thought you'd never call me_ …"

There still wasn't any snow. It was strange. Lucinda couldn't remember the last Christmas she had with no snow. Hell, it hadn't even snowed _once_ yet. It was cold and windy; the clouds were steely and dark, but not one fleck of the white stuff had shown itself. It was a pity, really… because she had been looking forward to at least that one thing to cheer her up. After everything that happened a few days prior to her moment in the kitchen with the telephone under her chin, she needed _something_ to cheer her up.

"I've been kind of… distracted."

" _Well, that's evident_ ," the girl on the other end of the line spoke with a scoff, " _but your mother won't tell me anything. I've called every day for the past four days. I never got to say goodbye to you before we left_..."

"I know, Lina. I'm sorry."

" _Well? WELL?_ "

"Well, what?" Lucinda mumbled dejectedly and stared out of the window above the sink. "My mom hasn't told you anything, because I haven't told her anything, either."

" _Nothing? Nothing at all?_ "

"Well, all I told her was that professor Snape was my friend and now he's not."

" _What?_ "

"Lina, I don't want to talk about this. Especially over the phone."

" _Well, jeeze, if I decided to write snail mail to you, like the rest of the wizarding world, I would've had to wait_ even longer! _Come on, just give me_ something _._ "

Lucinda glanced behind her and then peeked her head down the hall outside the kitchen. "Okay, look," she said a little softer into the receiver. "I don't know what to believe anymore. He came here saying how he was sorry and all this other crap and that he was going to cut off all friendship and whatnot with me—"

" _Bastard!_ "

"—but then he suddenly turned into this raging lunatic and told me the complete opposite; about how he basically only wanted me for… for, like, my body or something."

" _What?!_ "

"Please don't say anything," she said nervously and glanced down the hall again. "I'm still trying to wrap my head around this. I don't believe him. I can't. There's just no way. He's… He's just not like that. I don't know why he…"

" _You sure he wasn't just messing around?_ "

"You didn't see his face, Lina," Lucinda said seriously. "Even though he would never say those things to me, he was so convincing. I-I feel like he really is this lecherous man who just wants to… touch me or something."

" _But he's just a boy._ "

The line went silent. "What?" Lucinda said in a slightly offhand voice. Something was prickling at the back of her neck at her cousin's words.

" _He's_ not _a man, Lucy. He's a boy. He's only twenty-two. I mean, I know you're used to this mature_ man _or whatever, but don't forget how young he is. He may not have experience with this kind of thing._ "

"Well, I-I know that, but he… he still acted completely inappropriately with me—"

" _I know,_ " Lina said matter-of-factly, " _but guys are horndogs._ "

"You _know_ that isn't an excuse."

" _I know_ ," Lina echoed, " _but I don't know anything about this guy. I only saw him for a second. And I can understand why you would get blindsided by his sophistication and all that jazz, because he's got that air about him—even I could tell that right away—but the way a man really is, is usually buried way deep down._ "

"Seriously, don't even make me laugh right now," Lucinda said with an irritated roll of her eyes. "He doesn't deserve any excuses."

" _I'm not telling you to forgive him_ ," Lina raised her voice a little. " _I'm just making sure you're looking at this from all angles. You don't want to make a mistake thinking of him as a thiry-five year old, because I think that's the way you've been seeing hi—_ "

"How the hell do you know whether or not I think that way?" Lucinda snapped and the water pooled in the bottom of a bowl in the sink began to shiver.

" _Because I got one look at the guy and thought the same thing!_ " The muggle girl said in astounded exasperation. " _I get it. I do. He's got some age on him—mentally, at least—but as I said before, he is just a_ kid!"

"He's not a child."

" _I didn't say a child, dumbass_ ," Lina snapped back. " _I said he is a kid; just like we're kids. Just like everyone who hasn't fully matured is a kid._ "

Lucinda scoffed to herself. "Your mother has been rubbing off on you."

" _Maybe_ ," came the girl's smug response, " _but I'm just speakin' the truff._ "

"I wouldn't exactly say _that_ , but you do have a p—"

Lucinda stopped talking and her ears perked up. She thought she'd heard the _POP_ of an apparition outside and then steps on the porch. Without another word to her cousin, she darted back to the cradle on the wall and slammed the phone back into its place. Three seconds later and she was already up the stairs and pulling her bedroom door open to slam herself back into the confinements of the space alone. The door had been fixed right away, but ever since then she hadn't set one foot downstairs; at least, she hadn't done so in front of her parents. She'd cried on her bed for the first day and didn't move. Once the door had been fixed, Lucinda kept it locked and didn't come back out. Her parents knocked on it twice a day, but she ignored them.

"You're going to kill yourself if you don't eat, Lucinda," her mother would call through the door.

"Sweetheart, you're not like other people," her father's gentle voice pleaded with her. "I hope to everything that you're at least taking your sucrosulin. Allow my mind that much relief, please."

He waited for her to answer and she eventually did. Lucinda was taking her medicine. She wasn't trying to kill herself. That would be stupid. She was simply mourning; what exactly she was mourning, she wasn't sure. Her professor was obviously not the person she first thought him to be. She guessed perhaps that's what she was crying over so much; the man that he _used_ to be; the friend that she had lost and who had never been there in the first place. That was the worst part: he never existed in the first place. She had been completely deceived. Immature kid or not, it didn't give him the excuse. He was physically only twenty-two years old, but mentally and emotionally… it was obvious that he was far beyond his years; he made that blatantly clear. He wanted nothing to do with her, except… except…

"URGH!" Lucinda picked the Kudu sap up off her desk and held it above her head, getting ready to chuck it across the room. She stopped, though, and brought her hand back down to stare at the little vile.

He had convinced her to go back to Hogsmeade with him to get this, even though he'd never lost the first bottle. He admitted that he'd wanted more "time" with her and that's why he'd done it; that's why he'd lied. What the hell was that about? If he wanted nothing from her except a feel-up or some bullshit, he would have tried to make a move. He never did. He acted violently when it came to her and Tristin, but he never said, "I want your body for myself and no one else is allowed to touch it." He never said anything like that, did he? He never once tried to touch her inappropriately. The most he'd ever done was hug her. He would lead her down a hall with his palm against the small of her back, but he never once tried to lower that hand. He treated her with respect when it came to that kind of thing. The only time things got out of hand is when she worked on his very last nerve. It was obvious, wasn't it? Everything had been fine until Christmas break. What had happened? What had changed? He either was just very good at hiding his lecherous intentions for a very long time, or he was a despicable, irrational, self-centered LIAR.

Lucinda moved to her bedroom door and pressed her ear against it. She heard her parents make their way down the hall and past the stairs.

"We're back, Lucinda!" Her father called up to her, but then the two of them continued into the kitchen.

She heard bags rustling and cabinets opening. They had just gotten back from the market. Lucinda's stomach rumbled softly as she thought about food. She looked down at her shaking hands and sighed. She had been sneaking food in the middle of the night or after her parents had left the house. It wasn't as if her parents weren't trying to feed her. They tried a few times a day to get her to eat something, but she always said no. They probably thought she was really dying there in the solitude of her bedroom. It made her chest tight with guilt, but her sadness was overwhelming that part of her heart. She didn't want to see them. She was ashamed and embarrassed for making such a big fuss about her professor in front of the whole family. She'd finally convinced her parents that Severus—no, professor Snape—was her friend, before he'd come to the house and ruined everything. Now what was she supposed to say? _Just kidding! He actually just wants to bend me over his desk and pound me into the top of it_ … Lucinda shivered and walked to her bed to sit on the edge of it. She rubbed her forehead and sighed again.

As completely wrong and contradicting as it was, that thought caused a warmth to spread from the bottom of her stomach to the soles of her feet. _No, no…_ she thought to herself and held her head in her hands. _It may sound exciting, but it's heartbreaking. That's all he wants. He'd take you and then he'd throw you away._

That's right. He was not her teacher anymore; he was just a man who thought of her unsuitably. She would finish school. She would not speak with him outside of class. Hell, she wouldn't even speak in his class, if she could help it—or… maybe that's what he wanted. Maybe he _expected_ her to act reserved and broken now. Well, okay, fine. She would go back to school exactly as she originally was, then. She would continue with school at the top of her classes. She would be cheerful and talkative and kind. This wasn't going to change her. So what if he said those things to her? That didn't bother her anymore, nope. Not anymore… Now she was going to be Lucinda again. She would show him up in his own classroom and complete her assignments with ease and precision. She would spend time with her boyfriend (and never mention this whole ordeal to him) and have fun with her friends.

Lucinda lifted her head from her hands and smiled a little to herself. She was not going to let this break her. Plenty of guys had broken her heart before. She got over it. She always did. Obviously, there was still no one out there yet who could handle her. Maybe Tristin was the one to take on that honor. After all, she hadn't given the relationship much room to grow yet. She had been very nonchalant about it thus far. Besides, he was a very lustrous kisser. When he whispered things in her ear, she felt her skin rise in gooseflesh. Lucinda breathed deeply and stood from her bed. Alright, she was feeling a little better. It was time to finally go downstairs and face her parents…

* * *

"You're certain she's alright?"

"Judi, she never goes days without eating," Mr. Morgan raised his eyebrows with skepticism as he handed the woman the bags of party crackers. "She would be dead by now."

" _Joseph!_ " Mrs. Morgan hissed. "You have the worst sense of humor!"

"I was just being honest," he shrugged and took more things out of the bags to set them on the counter. "She's probably been sneaking food."

"You think she would?" Judi asked, unsure.

"You _know_ she would," said Joseph and he smiled at his wife. "She's a fighter and she's not dumb. She wouldn't allow herself to starve… on purpose, anyway. You worry too much."

"Of course I worry." Judi said and Joseph regretted the hurt he heard in the woman's voice.

The man abruptly dropped the bags he was holding on the floor and then turned to his wife. "My love," he said softly and brought his hands up to cup her powdery cheeks, "Do not fret. Everything is alright. Our Lucinda fought for us to be her parents. The doctors said it was impossible, yet here she is. She is our miracle baby and I would not let her go so easily."

"Joseph—"

"I love you, Judith," he whispered and kissed her. "I don't want you to forget that. And Lucy loves you, too. So, please, do not forget it."

"Of course I won't," she said back just as softly and hugged her husband tightly. "I just want to see her happy again…"

Joseph Morgan petted the top of her head and chuckled. "Well, I don't know what happened exactly," he said and his chest vibrated against her cheek, "but I know when a man is being horrible on purpose."

Judi looked up at him and a lock of her hair fell over one eye. "What do you mean? Did you hear anything that he said?"

Her husband reached up and tucked the clump of hair behind her ear affectionately. "I could tell there was a change in him since the time he first got here that day," he said and watched his wife's face. "I, uh… heard a slap."

" _What—?!_ " she began, but he put a hand up.

"It was Lucinda. She'd slapped him," he continued. "I don't know what happened, but that man upset her. After all of the talking up she did about him, it really surprised me. And believe me, I was worried he was going to retaliate, so that's why I went the rest of the way up the stairs and knocked, but I could tell when she answered that she was handling things…"

"Joseph, this is insane."

He shrugged again, "Not really. Lucinda holds her ground. And if she hits someone, they obviously deserved it… The only thing is… Well, like I said, she talked all about this new friendship she was forming with him. She was so excited about it, because they both could talk on the same level about potions and things like that. It broadened her abilities and I truly believe that."

"So, they had a good friendship," Judi shrugged back. "Regardless of all that; what is going on _now?_ "

"It's the only detail Lucinda would give us, remember?" He raised his brown eyebrows. "He told her they weren't friends anymore. Isn't it obvious? It's because he's getting too close to her. He's a man in an authoritative position. He can't be seen getting so close to a student."

"Are you suggesting he wants—?"

"No, of course not," Joseph said, letting go of the woman finally and picked the bags back up off the floor, "I simply think he's covering his own ass. It can't look good, him hanging around a student, especially with those one-on-one potions with her that she told us about."

"Which I did _not_ like, by the way," Judi crossed her arms and looked up at the ceiling.

"Oh, it was harmless," he replied with a _tsk_. "She was furthering her studies and it sounded like he had her best interests at heart."

"And now?"

Joseph paused as he took more things out of the bags for tomorrow's New Year's Eve party. "Well, now he _still_ has her best interests at heart," he replied, though he did so with a little doubt in the back of his throat.

"Lucinda doesn't see it that way," Judi said softly and helped her husband with the rest of the bags. "She only sees it as betrayal."

Joseph nodded. "I know… and I'm afraid that professor Snape's good intentions are backfiring."

Judi sighed angrily. "And that's why this can't continue…"

* * *

There was nowhere for him to go. There was no one for him to run to and to console him. If ever there was a moment that he felt like a small child, it was this one. He was back in his horrible childhood, walking the dirty streets of the terrible wasteland that was to be called "his home". He felt the cold rocks crunch under his shoes and the bitter wind whipped his face and stung his eyes. This would be his fate; he knew that now. He was destined to walk these streets, day after day, reflecting upon all of the hideous deeds he'd committed and of the ones he had yet to ensure. He was the lowest of scum. He wished he didn't have such a negative view on his own life, because it was very easy to assume that the world would not change a bit if he were no longer in it. He would never ascertain if it would, before he offed himself, either. He would discover later, in his death, if it had any effect on anyone. If at some point there was just the inkling of hope that _one_ person would mourn his death, that person was now out of the picture; that person hated him.

Snape continued his journey through the dingy streets, but he eventually turned back and went home again. He was an idiot for going out in the cold with just a jacket. Lucinda would laugh if she saw him in it, but he couldn't walk muggle streets with his cloak on. It would draw too much attention. As Snape thought of the girl, he fisted a hand in his charcoal hair. He couldn't think of her anymore. He only had a few days left to get over this. If he didn't start trying to get the look on her face out of his head, then he wouldn't be ready to do so come the beginning of class again. He'd drank enough the past few days to drop a horse, but it had not killed him. He was only a little disappointed by that.

His home was quiet when he got back, which was strange… because Rudolfo wasn't calling, like he usually did when he opened the front door. The blasted bird usually flew straight at him, CURRR-ing and trying to grab at things that he carried or (if he carried nothing at all) at his hair, desperately trying to loosen the strands. He was a terrible bird, but he couldn't get rid of him and he _sometimes_ proved useful.

 _Except for that ridiculous misunderstanding with Lucinda_ , he thought bitterly and then shook his head. "Miss Morgan, Miss Morgan," he chanted lightly to himself and shrugged off his jacket and hung it on the hook beside the door. "I have to get use to saying that even by myself…"

Snape looked around the living room. "Rudolfo?" he called and then waited. There was no answer. He started to step into the kitchen, but then he heard a thump from upstairs. His body went still like a statue, as he listened for a second thump, just to make sure that he'd actually heard it. When nothing happened, he relaxed and breathed out, content with the thought that it was the old house settling. He was just getting into the cabinet to look for another bottle of brandy when he heard the second thump. This one was louder and his hand froze on the bottle of booze. His ears strained to hear something more. Was there someone in there with him? Did someone break in?

_Or perhaps it's that foolish bird, caught in the blinds again…_

It was a possibility, but then why was he staying silent? Rudolfo was never silent. He was loud when he shouldn't be. If he was in distress, normally he would be loud enough to wake the whole neighborhood… and that is the reason Snape rushed up the stairs, his wand at the ready. If someone was in his house, he was going to make sure that they just made a _very_ grave mistake…

When he rounded the corner into his bedroom he expected to see someone standing there, sifting through his wardrobe and drawers, the place in disarray, and things broken and littered throughout the floor. What he didn't expect to find was Rudolfo the culprit for the noise. What was even more astonishing was the much larger bird that currently had the raven in a vice grip. One large talon-encrusted foot was wrapped firmly around Rudolfo's beak and the other foot was pinning him to the floor. When Snape entered the room a pair of beady black eyes pierced into him and a second pair of yellow ones regarded him cautiously. It was one of the biggest owls he'd ever seen; a great grey owl. It watched him without moving a muscle. Rudolfo flailed his wings helplessly.

Snape finally relaxed again and stepped into the room. "Alright, let him go," he said to the large bird. "I know he's annoying, but you can't keep him down there all day."

The owl watched him a bit longer. It's large, lamp-like eyes shifted to his shoes and then back up to his face. It was an incredible imitation of a human "once-over" and Snape raised an eyebrow.

"Yes, this is my house and that is _my_ bird," he sneered. "Please, release him."

The striped owl spread its enormous wings in an instant and then took flight, tossing the black thing in its talons at the man. Snape caught him in a flurry of feathers and claws, where Rudolfo then proceeded to climb up his shoulder and cling to the back of his shirt. He peered around his master's curtain of hair at the owl and let out a warning, "CURRRRRAAARRRR!"

Snape winced and puffed his cheeks in agitation. "Okay, what is it that you want, owl?" He said, but the creature was already holding out its foot. It stood on the top of his dresser. Snape stepped forward, but the moment he got closer to the thing, Rudolfo wasn't having it; he took flight and left the room, calling in anger all the way down the stairs. Snape ignored him and continued to the owl on his dresser and the small rolled piece of paper on its leg. He expected the bird to flinch or move or strike—something—but it didn't. It stayed still as he untied the note from its ankle.

When the paper was free, he unrolled it and immediately did not recognize the handwriting. It was short and to the point and he knew exactly who it was from before he ever saw the name at the bottom of the note.

_I don't care about your intentions._

_I don't care about you worries or concerns or what you think is right._

_My daughter is distressed to the point that she will not eat._

_We both know that she is not like other people._

_Come back here and fix this before it's too late._

_Judith Morgan_

Snape looked up from the note, ready to send a response, but the owl was already gone. Shit. Go back there? Was she crazy? After all of that—she was nuts. He couldn't go back there now! But… _Oh, Lucinda, you said you wouldn't do this,_ he thought miserably and crumpled the note in his fist. She had looked at him like he was losing his mind when he suggested she might have tried to kill herself. She was right and he believed her; she would never try to kill herself… on purpose. She knew she had to eat, so why do this? Was it just to get back at him?

 _You're not_ that _full of yourself, are you?_

Her words echoed in his head. Okay, so maybe she wasn't doing it to get back at him. Then why? Was it possible she was in that much distress? She sure didn't look very distressed when he left… She looked angry. She was _frighteningly_ angry. He hadn't seen her that mad before. He needed her to keep that anger, not revert back to sadness. If that's what she had done… If she had dared to make him believe that she was angry, when in reality she was just trying to cover her sadness… Oh, that really pissed him off; not at her, of course… just at the situation. He'd never gotten into a mess like this before. He was being summoned by the girl's _mother,_ of all people. It was ludicrous. The woman hated him, yet, she was the one calling upon him to "fix" things. How could he fix them? He royally fucked everything to the point of no refuge.

Snape looked towards the open window at the end of his bed. That's the last time he leaves it open for Rudolfo to go out while he's gone…

* * *

"RORIE!"

"LUCY!"

"CLOVER!"

"LITTLE PLUM!"

"MR. AND MRS. BOREALIS!"

"LUCINDA MORGAN!"

"AHH AND IT'S LITTLE CHORTLE!"

"Yes, here I am: a thing of beauty."

Everyone burst out laughing on the front porch. Aurora lunged forward and wrapped her arms around her friend's neck. "Omigosh, Lucy, I missed seeing your wonderful face and I can't wait to stay up all night with you."

Lucinda hugged her back and agreed that, yes, they were definitely staying up all night; no doubt about it (because there was _so_ much they needed to talk about). "Well, let's not keep you all on the porch, come in!" She led them on a short tour of the house (or at least tried to), but her parents pulled the other parents into the kitchen the moment they got near.

"Thank you for having us for the New Year," Mrs. Borealis said kindly and stepped through the doorway into the kitchen, her husband following.

"Oh, it's our pleasure to have you here," Mr. Morgan replied and then lowered his voice (although, Lucinda and the other three could still hear what was said). "Our little Lucy has needed some cheering up, to be honest."

"That so?" Mr. Borealis asked, intrigued. "Something going on here?"

"Oh, it's a long story," Mrs. Morgan laughed a gentle laugh. "Would you like a drink?"

Clover whispered to the group out in the hall, "Our parents are going to get hammered tonight…"

"Well, as long as they don't start putting their watches in a fishbowl, I think we'll be alright."

The three older children turned to look at the ten year old. Chortle looked sideways at them and shrugged. Lucinda tried not to laugh out loud. He was so cute. He had silvery white hair, just like his siblings and mother and the golden eyes to match. He did not have perfect, unblemished skin like them, though. There was a spattering of brown freckles across his nose and under his eyes. In combination with his messy hair (even though it was blonde), Lucinda was reminded of her Hufflepuff friend back at Hogwarts. It made her suddenly miss him desperately and she couldn't wait to get back to school to see how his holiday went. Better yet, she hadn't sent him a letter even _once_. What kind of friend was she? He had made it pretty clear that he didn't want to stay at Hogwarts over the holiday. He was probably having a terrible time and could have used a friendly letter from a companion…

"Lucy?" Aurora questioned quietly. "You okay?"

"Huh? Yeah, sorry, I was totally spacing."

"You're not a space cadet like my sis, are ya?" Chortle questioned, raising a perfect eyebrow.

Lucinda grinned and reached down to hold the child's chin between her fingers. "I was just distracted by your beauty," she said, crinkling her eyes with a laugh.

Chortle grinned back. "Oh, that's understandable."

"Please, do _not_ encourage it," Aurora mumbled and then started up the steps. "Clover does it enough… Now are we going to your room, or what?"

Lucinda waved the other two with her as she started up the stairs, as well, but Clover put a hand up. "Nah, you girls go," he smiled warmly. "I know how it is. You need your giggle-time."

Both Lucinda and Aurora rolled their eyes. "Yeah, okay, dude," Aurora said and finished her ascent on the staircase.

"Well, we'll catch up with you later then, okay?" Lucinda smiled back at him. "We're going to have a _blast_ tonight."

"I look forward," Clover bowed slightly. Lucinda's chest tightened. He was different and she wished she knew why… but Aurora was about to tell her that.

* * *

"Wait, what?"

"They broke up."

"But-but-but—" Lucinda sputtered, feeling completely bewildered. "What do you _mean_ they broke up? Clover and Gabe can't—they… they can't. They just can't. They were so great with each other and they—"

"I know," Aurora nodded and lowered her voice. "It's insane, but that's that. They're done with."

"How did I not know about this before we left for the Hogwarts Express?"

"You've been kind of distracted with your school work and _extra_ school work and your boyfriend—"

"You're telling me I didn't notice that they broke up?"

Aurora folded her legs and sat on them atop the mattress. "Well, they only broke up the day we were leaving," she reassured. "I only knew, because I witnessed it." She shuddered. "I've never seen Gabriel look so angry."

"He was mad that they were breaking up?" Lucinda offered helplessly.

Aurora shook her head slowly and stared at the other girl. "Nope," she said, putting a lot of emphasis on the "p". "He was the one to break things off. Clover didn't even see it coming. It was horrible to watch. I was about to intervene, but Gabriel left abruptly, after he told him that he was going to get his dormitory room changed while we were all gone for holiday."

"That's… That doesn't even sound like Gabe…"

"I know," Aurora said with wide eyes and a vigorous nod. "I _know_. That's what's so bizarre about it. I'll admit that Gabe's been kind of distant lately, but I never expected him to go all postal on his own boyfriend and then proceed to _break up with him_."

Lucinda shook her head and stared at the covers on her bed. "What changed his mind? What changed _him?_ "

"I don't know…" she said slowly, "but if that's how he feels about my brother, then… well, good riddance, the fuckin' prick!"

Lucinda smiled sadly, because Aurora's face did not show true anger. In fact, she was certain that the girl felt almost as miserable and betrayed as Clover did…

"Well," Lucinda said with a half-hearted laugh. "If we're on the subject of fucking pricks, I should fill you in on what's happened to me."

Aurora's eyes narrowed into two mischievous slits. "What?"

Lucinda leaned back against the wall and began her tale; her infamous encounter with professor Snape (including the note he'd sent her)… and she left absolutely _nothing_ out.

* * *

"HAPPY NEW YEAR!"

"Chortle, it is not the New Year, yet," Aurora said with a laugh. "You still have a few hours."

"Oh, I know that," he said smugly and pulled on another cracker. It popped and "Auld Lang Syne" began to play. "But I'll fall asleep before midnight."

"We'll keep you awake, little brother," Clover smiled gently and leaned an elbow on the table with his cheek resting on his fist. "Don't you want to try to stay up this time?"

Chortle frowned in concentration, looking much like a fish in the mouth and then shrugged. "Eh," he said.

Aurora snorted, "Well, you are quite the optimist, there."

They sat and played games for a long time. Aurora knew everything that had happened between her and Snape, but Lucinda assured her that she was okay now. She was going to get over it and she already was. What was most important right now was keeping Clover in a good mood. He needed it, even though he wasn't letting his sadness show. The strange part about Clover was that he acted too kindly when he was really distressed. If he was really okay, he'd be jumping and dancing all over the place. He'd be making jokes and discussing the beauty of him and his siblings… So, the two girls vowed to go back downstairs and keep the cheerful attitudes up all night, for his sake. After all, how you spend New Year's Eve reflects how you'll spend the rest of the year… and Lucinda really wanted the rest of their year to be full of happiness.

"Oh you guys, come quick!" came a voice from the front room. It was Mrs. Borealis.

"Oh, yes, hurry—come in here!" called Mrs. Morgan. "Come look out the window!"

There was an hour left before midnight and with the rush of excitement of a New Year approaching, the four kids bolted from their seats and ran to the window where their parents were standing. With the glow from the front porch light it was easy to see the white flakes coming down. Lucinda gasped in glee and clutched onto Aurora's arm. Chortle pushed through all of their bodies and pressed his nose to the cold glass. Even Clover's eyes were lit up in joy.

_Snow._

Oh, it was snowing. It was snowing! Finally! Lucinda smiled so big she thought she might burst with happiness. This is what she needed. This is what was going to ring in her New Year with hope and joy and love. Everything felt perfect in that moment. They all stared for a long few minutes and then the parents began to step back again.

"Well," Mr. Morgan sighed. "What a great end to the year. Round of drinks all?"

"You are speaking my language, my friend," Mr. Borealis smiled and clapped the man on the shoulder. "You've got any of that Turkish delight left, too?"

"Oh lord, he's going to giddy himself to death," Mrs. Borealis said to the other woman and followed after the two men.

When the parents were gone, Lucinda put her arms around each waist of the Borealis twins. "Well, guys," she said happily. "There's no one else I'd rather be with right now. Thank you so much for coming here."

"No problem," Aurora grinned, still staring out at the snow, "besides, now you've finally been able to meet Chortle and can see how _nuts_ he is!"

"Haha," Clover laughed and Lucinda felt it through her fingertips. It made her smile bigger. "Speaking of Chortle, he still hasn't moved an inch. Come on, bro, you're gonna get frost bite on your nose." He stretched a leg out and tapped the boy in the back with his foot, but the boy didn't move.

"Chortle?" Aurora said a little louder. "Are you… Ah crap. You are, aren't you?"

"What?" Lucinda asked, looking at the two of them in puzzlement. "What's wrong with him?"

Clover stepped away from the two girls and reached his hands forward to place them on his brother's shoulders. He pulled on him and the boy fell back, limp in his arms. "Only an hour left," Clover said with another laugh, "and he's fallen asleep."

"Ah, no, come on, Chortle!" Aurora cried, stepping away from the other girl, as well. "Wake up, ya bloomin' idiot!"

"Rorie, don't sh-shake him so hard—" Clover pitched over and laughed harder.

Lucinda decided to back up slowly as the scene went on. She thought she'd let the three siblings have a moment alone (and hopefully allow them the opportunity to wake their brother without her ogling at them) and went out of the room and down the hall. She had one thought on her mind and that was the wonderful white stuff that was falling outside. Lucinda took her cloak down from the rack by the door and slipped it on. She tied the string under her chin and then opened the front door. She was met with a blast of chilly air; not exceedingly cold, but chilly enough to warrant a sweater and a coat. She closed the door behind her and stepped slowly to the top of the stairs to look out on the dark lawn, now beginning to pepper under the fall of the clusters of white crystals. She breathed in deep and smelled the cold. She felt winter on her face and it was amazing. Her breath expelled from her in a cloud, fogging her vision for a moment, and then it dissipated again.

She stepped out further, walking down the steps, until she was on the front lawn, looking out at the dark horizon. You couldn't really see a thing out there at any time of year, since there were no street lamps or other houses for miles. With snow falling, though, it was even harder to see anything. It didn't matter, though. It was beautiful. Lucinda leaned her head back and stared straight up into the falling snow. She tried to watch as long as she could, but eventually some of it would fall too close to her eyes and she had to close them. Then she just stood and listened. You could very faintly hear the snow fall. It pattered around her on the ground, but when it fell upon her face or in her hair, she could hear it even better. It made her so happy. She was so content. Nothing could mess this moment up. Not even if some howling wolf came charging at her. Not even if sirens went off. Not even if they suddenly let off some exploding fireworks off the roof! It was perfect. She had no fear, no sadness and no worries. She was ending her year on this planet and starting a new one in scarcely an hour. She was the happiest girl alive. Nothing could mess this up. _Nothing_.

"Lucinda?"

Her eyes shot open.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Can someone say… CLIFFHANGER? Oh, it's so juicy good, man! Anyway, thanks for reading. I really wanted to get back on track with updating every Sunday, so I wrote like a maniac today to get this next chapter up. And _since_ I wrote like a maniac, might I remind you that I have probably left some spelling mistakes. If you found none, then… damn I got lucky! Let me know how you're liking it. 'Til next time…**


	30. The Turning Point

He was only inches from her. When Lucinda opened her eyes and lowered her head back down, she was met with the gaze of her professor. She didn't think she'd see him again until school started back up. She had planned to have herself ready for the encounter. She was relying on those last few days to breathe deeply and think logically and to forget him. She was going to concentrate on her own well-being, not to mention get Clover in a better mood. All of that was flying out the window now. Days had passed (five, to be exact) since the embarrassing scene in her bedroom, but she wasn't ready for this. She'd only just come downstairs the night before to have dinner with her parents and then she went back to her room again. When the Borealis family arrived the next day (THIS day), it was the first time she'd let her parents see her smile. She was letting the thoughts sink in and then dissipate... Now it was all shit.

"What are you doing here?" she asked and she was pleased to hear that her voice did not sound timid, nervous or anything of the like. She thankfully sounded offended that he'd show his face at her home again.

"Miss Morgan," he began, but then stopped. Thankfully, she hadn't noticed the slip of the word that started with an "L" and ended with an "A". She was looking at him quite ghastly, actually—which was perfectly fine, as long as she wasn't crying or starving herself... "Miss Morgan," he began again and straightened his posture, while the girl took a step back from him. "For your information, I was in—" he was going to say "invited", but in the last second he thought better of it. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to say that her mother (once again, of all people) had asked him to come; _told_ him to come, really.

"You were _what_." Lucinda spat and took another two steps back. The heels of her feet were nearly to the bottom steps of the porch.

Snape recovered quickly, "I was in the neighborhood."

She simply stared at him.

Okay so that wasn't the best cover. In fact, the girl looked perhaps even more stricken. This was not going well... He was supposed to fix things. Why he even bothered, he couldn't figure out.

"I don't _care_ if you were in the neighborhood," Lucinda ground out and took another step back, her foot grazing the first step. "I told you to leave and never come back and here you are!"

"I have a very good reason for coming back—"

"You're a bloody liar and I won't hear another word you have to say!" She yelled and stepped once more away from him, but of course there was nowhere further for her to go and she tripped backwards. "Ah!"

"Lucinda—!"

She was nearly thrown back all of the way, but Snape reached out to grab her. His hands wrapped around her wrists and held her upper body suspended an inch above the steps. Regrettably, Lucinda didn't see it as him trying to help her. He stared down into her face that was beyond livid and his own looked back at her in an "oh shit" stance. There was no way around it, though. Lucinda's face dropped to a glower and then her knee came up without warning, crushing whatever resided between the man's legs. His hands squeezed a little tighter to her wrists involuntarily, his eyes bugged out of his head, his mouth dropped open and she saw him shudder. Then he released her and fell back into the fresh snow. He curled unto himself and Lucinda heard the unmistakable, "Oh ffffuuucckkk…"

Lucinda didn't move for a moment; she just watched the man shiver quietly on the ground as the snow continued to fall on top of him. His black hair covered all of his face except for the bottom of his jaw. She could see his teeth clenched and she listened to him hiss a breath out every few seconds. As much as it should have made her feel some ounce of sympathy for him, her loathing of the man clouded the rest of her judgment. She wasn't sorry one bit. In fact, she couldn't help voicing that thought right to him.

"I'm not sorry I did it."

Snape took several large gasps of breath and replied with a strangled, " _OB-viously_ …"

Having been dropped that final inch onto the steps, Lucinda settled back onto her spot on the porch stairs and continued to watch the man roll onto his back. His hair fell away from his face, but a few strands still stuck across one eye. Snape's chest rose and fell, as he continued to calm himself and ignore the pain coursing through his entire body. He couldn't believe she'd kneed him in the crotch. God damn that hurt…

"You still haven't said what you're doing here…" she said loudly.

Snape closed his eyes tightly. "I'm here to… to talk to you."

"How many times are you going to do this?!" Lucinda's voice echoed through the front yard, disappearing over the trees in the distance. "I think your last visit said everything you needed to! What more is there?!"

He fell silent and opened his eyes. He could still change this. He could still back track. The only thing was he'd back-tracked so many times already that he no longer knew where the lines were crossed and in which direction he was meant to go. "I just want you to know how I really feel."

Lucinda crossed her arms and ankles and scoffed at him with distaste. "You are a despicable human being," she said quietly, though her voice carried the distance to his ears. It was quiet enough out there that it was easy to hear the soft breaths that blew out through her nose. The snow was coming down harder and it nearly covered the ground already. It created somewhat of a muffle to the rest of the world. That sat together in this moment that no one else was a part of. No one else existed. A week ago, it would have felt special… Now it just felt suffocating.

"I know." He replied in resignation.

They were quiet again and Lucinda couldn't stand it anymore. The longer she stared at him, the more it hurt. She couldn't see any reason for him to speak to her. He'd spoken his peace and she had more than spoken hers… several times. What more did he want: to tell her how he really _felt?_ It was such bullshit, it physically made her sick. She would rather leave him there in the snow and the wind of the winter night, than to sit through another degrading speech. He was the lowest of the low. There was nowhere to progress from this moment. To do that would mean forgiving him and she never would. She would never, ever forgive him for saying the things that he said to her; for making her feel like the worthless one. He was scum, scum, SCUM!

Lucinda felt her anger boiling up and she didn't want to say another word to him. Before she regretted making a spectacle of the night, she stood up and looked down at him one last time.

"Don't take the rest of the holiday away from me," she said and this time her voice sounded tired, rather than angry. "Please, professor Snape. I don't want you here. I've made that transparently clear to you many times and I really wish you would stop this. I want you to look deep down in that empty chest of yours and see if there is still a bit of your heart hiding inside. Ask it what it wants from me. Ask it why it suddenly felt so inclined to rip mine apart—"

"That wasn't my intent—"

"It's never anyone's intention to break someone else's heart, is it?" Lucinda said with a small laugh and turned around, walking the rest of the way up the steps. "I expect you to be gone in the next few minutes, please. I would like to come back out here at midnight and I'd rather not see you during that time."

She was heading for the door. Snape was still gazing skyward, splayed out on his back. He heard faint merriment and music from inside the house as the girl opened the door. He hadn't seen her smile or heard her laugh since before she left for the Hogwarts Express over a week and a half ago. In fact, he'd never seen her as she was right at this moment. What the hell was he doing? He was making her miserable. It was obvious that Albus was wrong. He couldn't see how this was helping anything. He couldn't do it anymore. He only wanted to see her smile again…

"Lucinda, wait."

He didn't hear the door close. It was still standing ajar. The laughter and chatter continued from within. Snape finally turned his head to look at her. She still had her back to him, but she had definitely stopped her retreat. She was waiting, just as he had told her to. He felt his pride bubble up and it made him feel like an ass all over again.

"You have one more word to say to me," she said softly, but he heard her, "and then I'm going inside and you are leaving."

Snape sat up and stared at the back of her dark, tousled hair. It was more than he deserved. "I lied." He said.

Lucinda's hand gripped tighter on the doorknob, but she still didn't close it. She straightened her back and put her free hand on her waist. "About what?" she replied coolly.

"Come back here and talk to me and I will tell you," he countered and started to get back up. He put his hands to the ground, bracing himself and then pushed himself up to a standing position. However, just as he was raising his head to look at her, he only saw a glimpse of her shoulder as she went inside and shut the door. Okay, so she wasn't kidding. She was only giving him one more thing to say to her and he'd already blown his chance. Great. Just fucking perfect.

 _Well_ , he thought—not quite optimistically, but resignedly. _She already hates me. There's nowhere left to go, but up._

So, he did. He went up the steps of the porch and to the front door. He paused in front of it and stared at the white-painted wood. He heard a song playing in the background, bumping softly against the outer walls. He didn't recognize it very well and he assumed it was muggle music. Peculiar family for Lucinda being a pure blood… Although, what did it mean to be a pure blood, anyway? Did anyone take into consideration the history of the person's family? Snape pressed his lips together and tried not to think too much about his own family history…

" _Every time you call my name,_

_I heat up like a burnin' flame…_

_Burnin' flame, full of desire;_

_Kiss me, baby, let the fire get higherrr—_

_Abra-Abra-cadabra…_

_I wanna reach out and grab ya—_ "

Snape listened to the song and glanced toward the window to his left. He could see inside the house easily and it wasn't long before he caught a glimpse of Lucinda walking past and someone's arm reached out and wrapped around her waist. He wasn't in the right position to see who it was, but her face broke out in a grin and she laughed, leaning into the figure. They were much taller than her. He saw another arm wrap around her waist on the other side and the person in front of her enclosed her in an embrace. The arms were most-definitely male and Snape couldn't help the surge of jealousy that coursed through him. The man pulled her up against him and then took her hands in his. He spun her around once and she stumbled. She laughed again. Snape clenched his fists. So, she _was_ alright. It was only when she was around yours truly that she got a sour attitude. Given, he deserved it; _more_ than deserved it, but he still selfishly wanted her attention. Even now, after the whole mess, he wanted her attention, even if it was simply to yell at him or hit him… especially to hit him, actually. He craved to have her hands on him again. He wanted her to beat every last sin from his conscience. She was the only one he'd allow to do it, to witness it—

The door opened before he could move or react to it. Someone was coming outside. They were a couple of someones and they were laughing hysterically. They floundered out of the house and onto the porch, nearly running directly into the man standing out there in the black cloak.

"Clover has had too much happy drink tonight—"

"—his face—h-his f-face was so funny—"

"Yeah and he just started— _professor Snape?_!"

Snape stumbled back against the porch railing and stared into the golden eyes of Aurora. He glanced down at the young blonde boy under her arm and then back up to her face again. The boy watched him with a raised eyebrow.

"Hello—"

"Professor?" the boy questioned. "You're one of the professors? What are you doing out here?"

"Hey, I'll ask the questions here," Aurora barked down at him and then turned on the professor. "What are you doing out here?"

Snape opened his mouth and couldn't help the glance he trailed over toward the window where Lucinda was still visible through the glass. Aurora followed his gaze and nodded slowly. He started to shake his head at her obvious assumption, but it was futile. Why else would he be there at Lucinda's house? It was to see her, obviously.

"I wanted to speak with Miss Morgan," he said and scratched at his scalp in irritation. "I want to have a civil conversation with her, but she is being extremely… _difficult_."

Aurora watched him with skepticism. Her eyes narrowed and she glanced down at her brother, before turning a glare on her professor. "I think if she's being difficult, then she must have a very good reason for it."

The dark-haired man pressed his lips together tighter. "Yes," he mumbled. "Let's say she does. Please, convince her to come back out here."

The white-haired girl rolled her eyes dramatically and turned around abruptly. "Nope," she quipped. "You can take care of that all on your own. Come on, Chort."

Chortle stared at the man a moment longer and then he, too, followed his sister back over the threshold of the doorway to go inside.

"How am I supposed to convince her to speak to me when she's in there?" Snape blurted incredulously.

Aurora didn't turn back around. "Be my guest," she called and raised her palms skyward, leaving the door open behind her.

When the two had left his sight and he was still left alone in the doorway, he began to get antsy; there was more music coming through the house and he heard more laughter. He thought he heard Lucinda's laughter. What was he doing? Why was he bothering if she was obviously okay; happy, even? Honestly, _what_ was he doing…

" _Shadows on the hills;_

_Sketch the trees and the daffodils;_

_Catch the breeze and the winter chills,_

_In colors on the snowy linen land."_

As the music changed, so did the atmosphere inside. The laughter didn't completely die, but it definitely softened; he no longer heard Lucinda's mirth, anyway. As ridiculous as it was, Snape took that moment to enter the house, keeping it in his head that she was not happy if he couldn't see her smiling or hear her giggling.

" _Colors changing hue,_

_Morning fields of amber grain,_

_Weathered faces lined in pain,_

_Are soothed beneath the artist's loving hand…_ "

"Oh this is one of her favorite songs," he heard Lucinda's mother say from the kitchen as he headed down the hall.

"I've never heard it," spoke a man. Snape didn't recognize him. He kept walking.

"It's a muggle song," the woman spoke quietly. "She knows a few of them, because of her cousins… and because of me, of course. Don McLean is a legend."

" _Now I understand_

_What you tried to say… to me,_

_And how you suffered for your sanity,_

_And how you tried to set them free._

_They would not listen,_

_They did not know how…_

_Perhaps they'll listen now._ "

He'd reached the living room and stood there in the doorway. He looked toward the window where he'd seen her and there she was. She was in the arms of the man he'd seen holding her; he was still holding her now. They swayed gently and Lucinda had her cheek pressed to his chest, eyes closed and curling hair lying halfway across her face. The man who held her was Clover. Snape leaned against the frame and folded his arms, watching the two of them. Then he was just watching her. As they slowly drifted in a circle, he caught glimpses of her face. Her lips moved and sang with the music.

" _For they could not love you,_

_But still your love was true._

_And when no hope was left inside_

_On that starry, starry night,_

_You took your life, as lovers often do,_

_But I could have told you, Vincent…_

_This world was never meant for one as beautiful as you._ "

"Is she crying?"

Snape turned and saw Aurora standing beside him. He looked back at the girl in question. "Is she?" he questioned back quietly.

"She always cries during this song," her father said a few feet away.

The potions professor looked over at the pair of parents standing around the kitchen island, drinks in hand and faces red. They all smiled over at the dancing couple by the window. He expected one of them to turn and look at him, to ask him what he was doing there, but no one did any of that. They acknowledged him as much as they would a passing pedestrian on the street; a comment here or there, but that was it. Even Mrs. Morgan was not giving him a second glance. Perhaps she already knew he was going to show up and she didn't care anything past that.

"What are you doing in here?"

_Okay, never mind._

But it wasn't Lucinda's mother who said it; it was Lucinda, herself. Snape turned back to look at her again. The song had ended and she and Clover were staring at him. Actually, now everyone was looking at him. He didn't take a glance of the room or anything, but he could feel them all watching and everything was quiet. He tried not to feel embarrassed, but part of him was. He felt humiliated this entire time. He was practically there to grovel; not in front of anyone else, of course, but still… He kept his eyes on the girl and she stared back at him with distaste. He wished she wouldn't look at him in such a way. He never wanted her to look that way…

"I told you I wanted to speak with you," Snape replied evenly, unfolding his arms to stick them in his pockets.

"And I told you how I felt about that," Lucinda countered, wiping the heel of her hand under her eyes, diminishing the tears that still stuck there. "I want you to leave."

"I'm not leaving until you—"

"Lucinda, go and speak with him."

They both snapped their heads in the direction of the kitchen. Mrs. Morgan was the one who spoke.

"Mother, how can you take his—"

"I'm not taking sides," she threw her hands up in surrender. "I just want you to patch this up."

Lucinda had already lost her patience with him… and her mother. She took a look at both of them and then she stormed forward, intent on leaving the room. The only problem was _he_ was in the only doorway out of there. She ignored this and walked right past him. She felt her stomach twist as her arm brushed briefly against the sleeve of his cloak. Snape didn't look at her or stop her. She imagined he might if they were alone, but not in front of everyone else.

Snape flicked his eyes over to the girl's mother, waiting for her to give him the okay to go after her. The woman rolled a hand at him in a "well, go on then" gesture. He wasted no time. He went after her.

"Lucinda—"

"Seriously, what is it with you?!" she whipped around on the stairs and yelled down at him. "Why can't you just follow through with anything?! It's like I'm still your new student and you're giving me detention and then taking it away again and then telling me we can't be friends and then following me around and asking me to go places with you! I don't _understand you!_ "

"Come outside and _talk_ to me!" he belted back.

"No," she shook her head and turned back around on the staircase. "Take a hint and _fuck off_."

A second passed and then Lucinda was jerked backward. She fell into his outstretched arms and, before she could struggle out of his grasp again, he held her tightly against him. No one was in the hall with them, or else he probably wouldn't have done it.

"Get your hands off of—"

"Shut up."

Snape ignored her protests and grabbed her coat off the wall, the front door flung open on its own accord and then he stomped out onto the porch with her, shutting the door again behind him. She continued to fight him and he gladly obliged and dropped her. She scrambled back up and was seconds away from slapping him, but he held her wrists and looked down into her face.

"There will be plenty of time for that," he growled and then pushed her arms away and she stumbled back slightly. "Put this on," he tossed the coat at her. She caught it and glared at him. "Oh, look at me like that all you want, miss priss. We are _having_ this discussion."

"There is nothing to discuss," she spat, but she began pulling her arms into the sleeves of the coat.

"You never allowed me to finish my explanation."

"Is that what you call this?" she scoffed and turned away from him to stare out over the porch railing. "You just want to _explain_ yourself, right? For your own benefit? You want to clear up your conscience?"

He stepped up to the railing, as well, and turned directly at her, burning his gaze into the right side of her face. She continued to look straight ahead and crossed her arms.

"I want to fix this," he said softly.

"For what, professor?" she asked coolly.

Snape breathed out slowly and gently grabbed a handful of her sleeve. "I don't know what I'm doing anymore… But more than anything, I want you to be happy."

"Is that right?" she said, unbelieving of it. She fought the urge to roll her eyes right in front of him.

"That's right," he said and pulled a little on her coat. "Tell me what I can do to make you happy again."

Lucinda paused and watched the snow coming down. It was falling in streams now and the ground was blanketed with it. "You know what would make me happy?" she said quietly and there was even a small smile that was growing on her lips. Then she turned and looked at him. "I would like it… if you would never speak to me again."

Snape couldn't help it. His eyebrows drew together in distress as he looked down at her. They were close enough to embrace. They were close enough that he could lean forward a few inches and kiss her forehead. He could reach up and drag a thumb over her lips or down one of her temples. He could cup her face. He could tell her that he loved her… He did none of that. Instead, he loosened his grip on her coat, glancing down a moment and then back up at her. "Is that what you really want?" he whispered.

Lucinda's chin quivered a little and she bit her bottom lip to try and keep it from happening. She turned away from him again and breathed deeply before she let out a small laugh. "Is it what I want?" she repeated, glancing up at the sky, "…no. It isn't what I want, but… I think it's what will make me happy in the long run. Because if I make myself believe that you care about me and then I find out that you… that you just want—"

"It isn't true." he snapped and gripped her coat again, shaking her once. "That is what I lied about, Lucinda, so please don't bring it up again. That is not what I want from you."

Her eyes found his again, as she stared at him in confusion. "Then why would you say—"

"I was trying to get you to hate me."

Lucinda turned to look at him straight on. Snape never let go of her sleeve; as she turned, he pulled her just a little closer to him.

"Why…" Lucinda began and looked at him curiously, "Severus, why would you do such a thing?"

"If I'm going to be completely honest," he said back, still pulling slightly on her, "it all stemmed from a conversation I had with someone… someone who didn't approve of the time I had been spending with you."

"Who—"

"I cannot tell you who and it really doesn't matter," he pulled her even closer and the front of his cloak was now touching the front of her coat, "because they were right. I have been spending inappropriate amounts of time with you."

"Are we seriously going over that again?" Lucinda asked in exasperation and pulled back slightly.

"We never went over it, because you were hysterical."

"I wasn't."

"You _were_ , Gryffindor Girl…"

Lucinda pulled back more and turned her face. "Don't call me that," she said quietly, "I can't hear you say that anymore."

Snape pulled on her harder and her body slowly sunk back towards his again. "Nothing has changed," he said softly and leaned against the front of her. "My affection for you has only deepened… and not in a shameless way."

Lucinda looked up at him and saw the tenderness in his eyes. She tried to find the devil behind them. She tried to see the emptiness in them, but all she saw was warmth. Why did he have to change her mind so easily? "I—I'm sorry," she mumbled and looked down. "I don't want to do this with you right now."

"I realize how selfish I've been," he said, ignoring her objections and one of his arms began to snake around her back. She let it, but she was tensing up. "I want to stop allowing any kind of contact between us, but…" he paused and waited for her to look up at him again, "but if you would allow me this one last embrace, I will never ask for it again."

"Are you asking for it now?" Lucinda breathed, glancing down at his lips.

His other arm finished its journey around her back and he pulled her against him. "More than anything…" he said dejectedly.

Lucinda's stomach twisted ruefully and she closed her eyes. Oh well. She couldn't help but be blind-sided by him. He held too much power over her. She didn't know what it was. Lina was right, though: he was just a boy in the aura of a man. He was still a kid in some ways… But he seemed sincere. She had to believe him. He said that he wanted her to be happy, but she, too, longed for his happiness. If he wanted to hug her, she would let him. If he wanted her happiness, he would have it. She would give him what he wanted and in exchange, she would get what she deeply wanted, as well. "You may hold me… for a moment," Lucinda said, hesitating slightly; her eyes still closed. She leaned forward until she felt her head connect softly with his clothed chest. Snape seemed to hesitate, as well, but then his arms encircled her fully and he squeezed her tightly to him. She felt him sigh lightly, more than she heard it, and then she turned her face to press her ear against the spot where his heart would be. She heard it thumping. She expected it to pick up speed at their interaction, but it didn't; it stayed steady and strong. There was no wind and the snow continued to fall heavy on the grounds around the house.

"Am I putting you at risk?" she suddenly asked.

Snape tensed slightly, but then he relaxed and brought a hand up to stroke the back of her head. He squeezed her just a little tighter. "What makes you say that?"

"Well, you wanted to stop our friendship for a reason… unless that was a lie, too."

He continued to pet her and his chest rumbled against her ear as he spoke. "No… I really did want to cut contact with you," he said (and he felt her tense up, in turn), "but I guess that is also a lie. I didn't _want_ to do it. I had to."

"I'm having déjà vu…" Lucinda mumbled.

"I'll say it again, Lucinda," he continued sincerely, "I did it, because I was getting too close to you. Right now—doing what I'm doing—I should be reprimanded for my actions."

"So, I _am_ putting you at risk," Lucinda trailed off and then continued, "because others will get the wrong idea?"

"I don't want to use such a…" Snape trailed off, as well, thinking, "… _distasteful_ form of words, but 'it is not you, it is me'. I am putting us both at risk with my actions. And before you protest anymore, you cannot deny that I have put myself in a less-than-professional position more than once with you."

Lucinda fell silent and then eventually pulled away from him. She was too embarrassed to look up at whatever his face was doing at that moment, so she kept her eyes cast to the porch floorboards until they were a good distance away from each other; before she finally allowed herself to see his face again. She crossed her arms (from the cold more than anything) and leaned her hip against the porch railing, watching him carefully.

"So…" she said in a pondering voice, "this is the last time we're going to be together like this?"

Snape cast his eyes to the floor and copied her movements, leaning his hip against the railing. When he looked up at her again, he brought a hand to his mouth and smoothed down the dark hairs on his face. He repositioned his hands in his pockets again and stared at her. "Yes," he said, unwavering.

Lucinda chewed her lip a bit, but then nodded. "Okay," she said back. "I understand. As long as I know it's not what you really want…" she let the sentence linger, waiting for him to correct her.

"I assure you, it isn't." he said with so much seriousness that Lucinda instantly wanted to wrap her arms around him again.

"And am I to understand…" she paused again, thinking, staring off at the snow still falling, "…that this won't last forever?"

He replied almost before she'd finished speaking. "No."

Another pause and another glance at the floor. "Which part are you saying 'no' to?"

Snape almost rolled his eyes; _almost_. "It isn't going to last forever," he spoke gently, stepping closer to her again. "I care too much about you. I couldn't just throw this away."

Lucinda laughed lightly, "You care that much about our friendship?"

Snape breathed out slowly and kept their eye contact. "No, I care about _you_ that much. I'd honestly say damn the friendship, but I don't want to overstep my boundaries."

"What is _that_ supposed to mean?" she asked and raised a brow.

"It means exactly what you think it means," he snipped, "The day you graduate from Hogwarts is the day I take you out to dinner."

"Take me?" Lucinda repeated with another laugh. "Don't you mean _ask_ me?"

"No," he shook his head, but still his eyes were on her, "I say exactly what I mean."

Lucinda's smile faltered, as she realized he was being serious. "Is this a joke?" she asked quietly.

"What did I just say?"

Lucinda's face grew hot and she knew that the blush was creeping up her throat to make itself known on her cheeks. "W-well, I know you don't usually joke about anything, really, but I—I didn't think you were serious when you said… that you…"

"What?" he asked with a light shrug of his shoulders and another glance over the white ground, "that I have feelings for you—feelings that go deeper than a common friendship?"

Lucinda swallowed tightly and then nodded. "Yes."

Snape breathed out heavily through his nose and ran a hand through his hair. He probably wouldn't have said all of that if he'd been completely sober. What an idiot, he was… He'd only had a couple of drinks at home, but they'd loosened his tongue with a burning revenge. "My hands are tied, Lucinda," he said, turning deadly serious again. "I can't do anything about the way I feel for you yet, but when the time comes, I will let my feelings be known… and I don't care who is there to witness it."

"Severus—" Lucinda started shakenly, but she was cut off by an eruption of music from inside.

" _Should auld acquaintance be forgot_

_And never brought to mind?_

_Should auld acquaintance be forgot,_

_And days of Auld Lang Syne…_

_For Auld Lang Syne, my dear._

_For Auld Lang Syne._

_We'll tak a cup o' kindness yet,_

_For days of Auld Lang Syne._ "

Lucinda's face suddenly lit up as she looked toward the house. You could hear everyone inside singing along with the melancholy tune, but they did it joyously. The girl began to smile and Snape felt his own happiness bubbling up as he looked at her exuberant face.

" _We twa hae run about the braes,_

_And pou'd the gowan's fine…_

_But we've wander'd many a weary fit,_

_Since days of Auld Lang Syne_."

"Is this the old Scottish version?" Snape asked.

Lucinda smiled gently and nodded, turning her attention to the professor again. "Yes, it is. Do you know it?"

"Of course I do," he visibly rolled his eyes this time. "Everyone knows this song."

"I love this song…" Lucinda said breathlessly and turned to stare out over the railing once more, leaning her forearms across it. "I guess midnight is only a few minutes away, because that's when my mom puts this song on…"

Snape reached in his pocket, extracting a watch that he normally didn't carry with him (but had decided to do so on this one occasion, because of the importance of the day) and studied it for a second. Then he replaced it in the pocket and said crisply, "Four more minutes."

" _Really_ …" Lucinda breathed again, still smiling gently and watched the earth drowning in snowflakes. "I can't believe this year is about to be over. You know," she suddenly said and looked to the side at him. "They say how you spend New Year's Eve is symbolically how you'll spend the rest of the year."

Snape peaked an eyebrow and then leaned beside her on the railing, watching the snow pile up by the steps. "Oh, is that right?" he asked, amused and nearly completely content for this last moment with her.

"Yes," Lucinda nodded. She fell silent for a minute, but then she turned to look at the man who stood so close to her now that she could see the dark rings around his pupils. "Can I confess something?" she asked deftly.

Snape felt his stomach do a bit of a twist, but he kept his face straight. "Yes?" he prompted.

Lucinda looked down at the hand that he had resting on the porch railing. "There's no one I'd rather spend these last few minutes with…" she said, barely above a whisper. She knew her face grew even darker in complexion at the words, but she didn't care. This was the only time she'd allow it.

"Is that right?" Snape repeated, but this time his voice came out a little thicker. He cleared his throat. "What about your little boyfriend?" he asked quietly.

She didn't look at him. She kept her eyes on his hand and simply shook her head very slowly and only a little; he wasn't even sure he'd seen her do it. Snape felt something stir in his stomach even more. She wouldn't look at him. Her face was redder than he'd ever seen it and blushes could not be ignored. Then Snape's ears perked up. The song in the house was ending and he knew that midnight was upon them. The end of the year had come.

"Lucinda—" He started, but she looked up at him with, not a happy expression, but a sad one. He was confused and was going to ask her what it was now, but she spoke and he shut up.

"I let you hug me," she said and her eyes flickered over his face, while her eyebrows drew down in some kind of hidden grief. "I would think that you would let me do the same."

"Of course I would," he said almost instantly, but she shook her head again.

"It's midnight Severus…" she said slowly and her words hung in the still air. "I would like to finish this year with a tradition that I've always followed…"

His stomach was on fire. His throat felt about as tight as if he'd been a snake swallowing a rat whole. As she spoke, all he could see was the porch light reflected in her eyes; the eyes that were now looking at him so deeply that he was afraid she was reading his mind. She didn't blink or look away. She had one thing on her mind and nothing was going to deter her from it. Her lips parted and so did his. "Lucinda, what do you—" he began, but stopped when he saw her hands leave the railing and start their ascent toward him.

"I promise, it is just this once," she said quietly and raised her hands to his face. She hesitated, just before their skin met, but Severus leaned forward just a fraction to complete the contact. Her fingertips touched his cheeks and his eyes fluttered shut for just a moment. He opened them again and stared at her fiercely.

"Lucinda, what are you doing?" he asked, meaning to sound calm, but his voice came out harsh and urgent.

"I want to have a New Year's kiss, Severus," she said, leaning into him. "I've done this every year." She thought he was going to pull away, but he didn't. She felt the skin beneath her hands tremble slightly and his breathing quickened, but he didn't try to stop her. His eyes shifted frantically over her face as it loomed closer. He kept waiting for something to interrupt this moment, because something always did and always would, but nothing happened. No one came out of the house. Everyone could still be heard gallivanting around the living room, clapping and laughing loudly, reigning in the New Year. He could smell some kind of perfume she'd put on earlier and it wrapped around his mind. What could he do? What could anyone do? His eyes closed, because she was so close now that if he kept them open, he'd have gone cross-eyed. He felt her breath across his lips and then he had no time to contemplate anything, because her lips were already there. They were pressing to his. He didn't know what to do; what was appropriate. Was he supposed to kiss her back? Was he supposed to continue it; deepen it? Should he pull her closer? What the hell was everyone else going to say if they walked in on this? There would be no explaining it! After a moment, though, none of that mattered. Lucinda's mouth was on his. Lucinda's breath was mingling with his. Her hands were on his face and having her touch him like this was making him weaker than he'd ever been.

Her lips moved against his and he moved against them back, finally succumbing to the kiss. The butterflies that had lain stagnant in the pit of his stomach finally erupted in a flurry of black wings and anxiety, but it was so good. He was just about to reach forward to pull her closer and deepen the kiss, when she pulled back from him. His eyes flew open, wanting to see why she was ending it so soon, but he was met with her embarrassed, but gentle smile. He stared down at her as realization dawned in his eyes, though she didn't notice it, of course.

"Thanks…" she whispered. "I'm sorry if this was completely inappropriate of me to do, but… Well, you said that this was the last time we'd be together like this." She paused and still he said nothing. He was silenced by the kiss. He couldn't speak. What had she done to him? "It's tradition to kiss someone at midnight during New Year's Eve," she continued, though she mumbled it. "Sometimes I'm just with a friend for New Year's and we'll kiss just for the moment and it's not a big deal, so I thought… I thought this would be oka—"

He kissed her again. He couldn't concentrate on a damn word she was saying and he pulled her to him tightly, wrapping one arm around her lower back, while his free hand reached up and fisted in the back of her hair. Lucinda's breath hitched against his mouth, but she didn't pull away from him. Snape's mouth moved feverishly against hers, wanting to take it as deep as he could. He wanted to taste the back of her tongue. He wanted to feel the burning hot confinements of her throat… and she didn't deny him. She let him. He felt her hands reach within his cloak and clutch at the sides of his shirt; her lips pressing as hard against his as they could. Snape thought he was teetering on the edge of reality and nirvana when the inevitable happened: the interruption came.

"Lucy?"

Both lips froze. Both eyes snapped opened. Lucinda pulled away from her professor in a split second, but it didn't matter, because the damage was done. They both looked to the bottom of the porch steps, because that is where the voice came from. It was not her mother or her father or one of her friends, coming out of the house to find them. It was not a neighbor or an uncle come back to retrieve his missing toothbrush. It was the boy. It was the boy who was not supposed to be there and he was looking up at them with such a look of betrayal that nothing was ever going to be the same again.

"T-Tristin—" Lucinda nearly let out a sob, but she was in too much shock. She stared with laughably large eyes, but nothing was funny. She felt that she would never laugh again. Tristin Samael was standing in the falling snow at the base of the porch steps, staring from her to Snape with such a look… such a look that she…

"Samael…" Snape ground out and Lucinda was appalled to hear the venom in his voice. Of all the times he could be an ass about her boyfriend, now was not the time.

"Tristin I-I—" she started, but the Slytherin prefect was already halfway up the stairs. He was no longer looking at her. Without so much as a second to figure out what to do, Lucinda watched in horror as Tristin threw a fist and connected it with their professor's jaw. The blow landed so forcefully that Snape stumbled back, dazed. He brought a hand up, dragging it across his mouth and stared down at the blood on his palm. He looked up at the Slytherin boy and glared.

He spat red from his lips and said with a scoff, "Come on then, you son of a bitch—" and then Snape lunged for him.

Lucinda screamed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First things first: Did I subtly mention that Snape has facial hair? Because he does! Some of the time… If you've read the books, you'll know that he actually does have a goatee of some sort. But that is also in his older years… He's very young in this and I'd like to imagine that sometimes he has a little goatee… and sometimes he shaves it. Haha. And on to the big kiss scene… OMG! I hope I didn't disappoint. I assume Tristin is disappointed. I'm terrible. Anyway, things will just get crazier at this point. It's fun, isn't it? By the way, the songs used in this are actually from that year or older and are as follows:
> 
> "Abracadabra" by The Steve Miller Band
> 
> "Vincent" by Don McLean
> 
> "Auld Lang Syne" isn't actually by anyone in particular, because it's so old and a lot of people have covered it, but this version that played at the end of the chapter is meant to sound like the one sung by Dougie MacLean. You can find it on youtube if you type in "Auld Lang Syne (with lyrics) No Privacy" ("no privacy" is the person who uploaded it).
> 
> I suggest you guys take a listen to all of the songs, so that you know what everyone else was hearing at the party :)
> 
> Alright, well, I am currently hours from home in a little hotel room by myself (because my roomie hasn't shown up yet for some reason?) for a seminar for work. I am not looking forward to it tomorrow. Sorry I didn't get this up within a week. Weekly updates are quite hard sometimes! Thank you for your continued support and I'll see you in the next chapter.


	31. Bathroom Revelations

She could still feel his lips on hers. She could distinctly remember the very smell of his skin and the taste of the tongue that was unmistakably in her mouth, mingling with her own. She'd tasted a hint of something… something that was inexperienced to her own taste buds, but quite familiar to her nose. It was whiskey or… It was bourbon maybe. She thought it was probably bourbon; that was a favorite of her fathers and she'd smelled it many times. She also knew that boldness came with intoxication. Although he hadn't _seemed_ intoxicated, that could be the only reason for his actions. She'd done nothing. Albeit, yes, she'd kissed him, but she made it very clear that it was just that once and she'd only done it because it was tradition. She hadn't meant to start something… had she? But she hadn't meant to kiss him back either. She hadn't meant to let herself be pulled under by his touch or the urgency of his movements. He didn't hold her like he was drunk. He didn't speak to her as if he was lusting after her. He'd sounded genuine the whole time… so why would he suddenly—?

"In deep thought, are you?"

Lucinda was pulled out of her self-torture and looked to the floor where Aurora was lying on her back, wand in hand, levitating a book a few feet above her head.

"How can you expect me _not_ tobe?" Lucinda grumbled and leaned back into her pillows. "You saw what happened. This night turned into a night _mare_."

"I actually thought it was pretty exciting," the blonde girl smirked smugly, flicking her wand to turn the page of the book. "I never imagined we'd all walk out there and find Tristin and Snape rolling around like a bunch of rabid dogs."

"It's not funny, Rorie," Lucinda said seriously, "he almost killed him."

"I really doubt Snape would have killed someone, let alone a _student_."

"His hands were wrapped around his _throat_ ," Lucinda hissed. "Tristin was turning purple! I-I didn't know what to do."

"So you stunned him," Aurora observed thoughtfully. "Although, I don't think Snape's going to be very happy about that when he wakes up."

"I didn't mean to hit him that hard with the spell…" Lucinda said quietly and the color drained from her cheeks. "I was afraid that he'd really kill him. I've never seen him so angry and… I've never seen Tristin that angry, either."

"Well, what do you expect?" Aurora said, suddenly sitting up and the hovering book landed next to her with a hard thump. "He walked in on you _kissing another guy!_ "

"SHH! Shhhh—Rorie, please-please- _please_ be quiet," Lucinda whispered frantically.

"I'm just saying," Aurora answered with a shrug and leaned back on her hands. "I would have wanted to hit someone, too. What kind of reaction did you expect?"

"I just didn't expect him to be there, at all!" she hissed again.

Aurora scoffed. "Yeah, okay, because _that_ makes it alright. You're mad that you got _caught?_ "

Lucinda put a hand to her forehead and rubbed at the flesh. "That is _not_ it and you know it," she growled. "I told you the whole story. I know I shouldn't have kissed him, but I only meant it as a… as a celebratory action."

"You honestly believe that?" the girl asked lazily.

Lucinda took her hand away and stared at the bedroom door. "No…" she said after a while. "I wanted to kiss him and I wanted the excuse to do it. It was just a quick kiss. I told him that it was only going to happen once." She paused and glanced at her friend on the floor. "It escalated quickly, but I wasn't the one to initiate it. I was content with that one kiss—almost like a farewell of some kind, but… things just escalated so quickly after he kissed _me_."

"I can't believe how much the two of you have absolutely lost your minds." Aurora stood and stretched. "You better hope Tristin doesn't go back to Hogwarts and tell _everyone_ about this."

That thought had crossed her mind. He'd left very abruptly and still incredibly angry just an hour before this very moment. Tristin, although grateful that Lucinda had seemed to somehow "take his side" and Stupefy their professor right off the front porch, he didn't stick around. He'd caught his breath and, probably not wanting to talk in front of all of the people looking at them, he'd left. He'd disapparated. He'd given Lucinda a last look of treachery and he'd crackled through the air and was gone.

Now her professor was downstairs on the couch, sleeping off the spell that'd knocked him unconscious and everyone else was in their beds, probably falling asleep at that very moment. Clover and Chortle were on the floor in the living room and their parents were in the spare bedroom; Rorie, of course, was staying in Lucinda's room with her. She tried not to think about Severus waking up and trampling all over the boys on the floor, because he didn't know where he was.

"Alright, I'm tired," Aurora staggered over to the bed. "Let's go to sleep."

Lucinda was silent as she tossed the few books atop of her blankets onto the floor and then crawled under her comforter. The other girl got the light and then crawled in beside her friend. Both girls were silent for a long time, but then Aurora spoke in a whisper.

"I know I act like it doesn't bother me…" she said and then paused. "But it does. And not just because he's an asshole and I think you deserve better."

"What is it, then?" Lucinda whispered back and she surprised herself by sounding so concerned.

"I don't want you to get hurt, Lucy," she said with another long pause. "Whether it be that Snape breaks your heart—as it seems he's already been doing plenty of it—or that Tristin does. We don't know what's going to happen now. He could tell someone. Your whole year could be ruined because of this—"

"I don't want to think about it," Lucinda interrupted with a miserable groan. "I don't want to think about any of it." She turned over toward the wall and faced away from the other girl. "I'll think about it in the morning, but not now. Goodnight, Rorie."

The white-haired girl knit her silver brows together in the darkness and patted her friend's shoulder lightly. "Alright," she said. "Goodnight, Lucy."

* * *

_I don't feel well. There's a smell—it's filling my senses and it's making me sick. What is it, what is it? Nothing feels right. Everything is wrong. The feeling of cold stone under my hands and face is wrong and the burning sensation at my back is wrong. Is someone speaking? Is someone cackling? I can't tell anymore. All sounds and time have blurred together. I don't know where I am. I don't know how I got here. All I can see is blackness and shapes. I try to breathe in, but I choke on the air and hold my breath. My lungs expand with the pressure, but I'd rather die right here. There is nothing left for me to live for. Everything has gone. Everyone has gone. My fragile life was destined to end anyway. I will not stop it from happening now. I am ready for it. I welcome death with open arms…_

* * *

Lucinda sat upright with a gasp, clutching at her throat. She held her breath for another second, before she realized she was no longer in her dream. She gulped air and let the breaths out as slowly as she could. After a moment, she sat still and listened, waiting for Aurora to wake up beside her, but she didn't. She was fast asleep (snoring, actually). Lucinda felt her hands shake and her mouth was dry like sand. She gently slipped from the bed and left the room as quietly as possible.

As she headed downstairs for a drink of water, she noticed that the house was pitch black. It was definitely still well into the night, but not quite late enough for the new day's light to start coming in. She guessed it was only about three or four in the morning. With a shuddering sigh, Lucinda headed for the bathroom. It was only when she was almost directly outside of it, that she realized there was someone in there. She saw light under the door, heard the toilet flush and then saw a shadow come near the door. Before she could even move, light was already pouring out and illuminating her in the hallway. She shielded her eyes and then Snape's face came into view.

"What are you doing up?" he whispered.

Lucinda lowered her hand. "Nightmare," she mumbled and stepped forward, trying not to make eye contact with him. "I just needed a drink and to use the loo."

He stepped forward and to the side to let her pass, but just as she reached his side, she stopped; so he stopped, too. They turned to look at each other and Lucinda glanced down at the cloak he had on. They'd left him on the couch as he was, but she figured once he woke up he'd have taken it off to be more comfortable. That is, unless he wasn't staying…

"Are you leaving?" she asked, not bothering to "beat the bush", as X would say.

Snape looked down at her, the expression on his face almost unreadable. "Yes," he said simply, but he stayed where he was and didn't finish his retreat from the hallway. He only looked at her; waiting. Lucinda looked his face over and cringed on the inside at the cut above his eyebrow and the dark bruise that was forming under the skin on his cheek. She looked away and sighed.

"Before you go," she said, staring into the bathroom, "let me do something about the injuries on your face."

"I'm fine," he said instantly. She thought he even sounded a little defensive, but for Merlin's sake, it wasn't like she was trying to baby him.

"Everything is going to change after you leave, Severus," she spoke quietly, still keeping her eyes on the tiled floor. "I don't know what's going to happen, but I doubt that everything's just going to go back to normal, regardless if Tristin says something or not."

"I'm sorry," he suddenly turned to her and spoke with shame in his voice. "Lucinda, know that I am truly sorry. I didn't mean—"

She nearly screamed, because she didn't want to hear any of it. She barely held back the biting words she wanted to spit, but all that came out was a scoff and then she walked the final couple of steps into the bathroom. Snape followed her with his eyes and his whole body, turning it to face her again, just as she turned around, as well.

"I'm upsetting you—" he started, but Lucinda rolled her eyes in anger and sat down on the edge of the bathtub, staring daggers at him.

"Just get in here and shut the door," she snapped. "I don't have a lot to say and I'd like to say it so you can leave again."

The man in the doorway rubbed his hands down his face and rubbed his eyes.

_Okay._

This was a bad idea. The whole trip was a bad idea. Nothing he did was making anything better and he had tried several different approaches. Perhaps the approach he _should_ have taken was an indifferent one. Maybe he should have simply acted like her professor and that was it; not a friend, not a lover, not a lecherous man; none of that. He should have… He should have… Damn it, what the hell was the _right_ thing to do?!

"What is it you would like to say?" he asked quietly, walking forward. He came into the bright room, softly closing the door behind him. Now that they were truly alone, he looked down at the girl who, not but a few hours earlier, had been in his arms, giving in to his affections. She looked as if she was getting ready to say everything that she wanted to, but in the end she just stood back up and started opening the cabinets above the sink. She said nothing, as she pulled a jar from one of the shelves. Snape just watched her, feeling his guilt consuming him the longer she stayed silent. At the same time, his breath was quickening from their close proximity. They were still two feet away from each other, but after what happened between them on the porch… he wasn't sure he'd ever be able to be near her again; not without wanting to hold her again and kiss her again.

"Here," she said and she reached toward his face. "This will help fade the bruise in a day." He wanted the contact again. He didn't stop her advances. He stood still as she slowly rubbed a salve into the flesh of his cheek. As she did so, she stepped closer, getting a better angle and held his chin with her other hand. She didn't look at him; she only stared at the skin that she was tending to. He stared at her, though. He didn't take his eyes off of her. He looked at her mouth, slightly open in her concentration. He smelled her skin and her shampoo; the freshly laundered shirt that concealed her naked chest.

"What do you want to say?" he tried again, but this time he spoke a little harshly. "Say it. I want to hear it."

Lucinda's hand slowed in the circular motions she was doing and then simply rested her hand on his cheek. Then her eyes gradually moved up to look him in his black ones. "What happened last night…" she said softly and lowered her eyes again. He instantly put his hands under her jaw and tilted it to connect their gazes again. "It shouldn't have happened," she finished her thought. Her eyes shifted back and forth over his face a couple of times nervously; he kept his gaze unwavering.

"But it did," he said. "You can't change that."

"You shouldn't have kissed me," she said, brow scrunching together in concentration.

"And you shouldn't have kissed _me_ ," he challenged. His hands slid further back along her jawline and just the tips of his fingers inched to the nape of her neck. "You cannot blame all of this on me."

"I'm not," Lucinda closed her eyes and shook her head a little. She dropped the hand that was on his face. "I'm blaming myself. I know I shouldn't have done it. It was meant to be something casual—"

"Nothing between us is casual," he said and closed the distance between them, pulling her into a full embrace. She pushed back on him instantly.

"Please, Severus, stop," she whispered. "What is this? What is going on? I… I have a boyfriend and you're still—"

"Boyfriend?" he growled. "You're telling me you're still going to continue seeing him?"

"Of course!" she said in shock, "especially after what happened."

"Are you fucking kidding me?" he spat and let go of her. "Now you're going to stay with him out of _pity?_ "

She stomped her foot and pushed him in the shoulders. "It isn't out of pity, you jerk!" she whispered angrily. "He's my boyfriend. I'm going to clear this up with him and let him know that it meant nothing!"

Snape's lip drew up in his trademark snarl. "Nothing?" he repeated, voice shaking. "Do you kiss all of your friends like that? Should I have already known that you were such a promiscuous little—"

_SLAP!_

Lucinda's hand stung, but not as much as Snape's face. Now there was a bright red mark on his left cheek to match the discoloration on his right. He wasted no time in recovering, though. He already had her in a death hold around her wrists. She struggled to get away from him, but he pushed her into the wall and held her there.

" _Do not hit me again!_ " he hissed.

"Fuck you!" she hissed back and pushed against him. "Everything is ruined because of you!"

"That makes two of us then!" he growled.

"You're the teacher," she countered with her own growl. "You should have known better."

"I find it hilarious that you think so."

"Asshole!" she shoved at him again.

"Bitch!" he snapped, still holding her wrists, but his face drained of color instantly.

Lucinda's chin trembled and she looked away from him. He let go of her and put his hands on either side of her on the wall, hanging his head in shame.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "Lucinda, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it."

"It's fine," she said with a quiver in her voice. "I am a bitch. I'm a hypocritical, cheating bitch—"

"No," he said breathlessly and shook his head. "No, you're not. Please, forgive me."

Lucinda said nothing. She'd rather leave things as they were; unresolved and unhappy. Then she wouldn't be so inclined to continue this ridiculous charade with him. She could build her hatred back up for him and forget any of this happened. Because now… it was going to be too hard to return to Hogwarts as professor and student.

Snape slipped his hands between her back and the wall and encircled her with his arms, his head leaning down to rest defeated upon her shoulder. "I know I'm supposed to be the responsible one," he said against her. "I know I've been making mistake after mistake, but I am certain of my feelings for you and I can't stand it."

Lucinda's anger started to melt away as he held her, but she didn't make a motion to hug him back. She stood there and just breathed. She had to get ahold of the situation. Everything was turning into a complete mess. "How long have you felt this way about me?" she asked quietly, still not returning his embrace. She left her arms to hang limply on either side of his that wrapped around her torso.

"Always," he said, squeezing her. "I have always felt this way, but I kept my emotions at bay, because nothing had happened between us."

She stayed quiet and still. She thought he might let go of her at some point, since she wasn't responding, but he didn't. He continued to hold onto her tightly. If she didn't send him on his way soon, she wasn't going to be able to. "You need to leave, Severus," she decided to voice. "Go home and forget that any of this happened."

He squeezed her tighter and it almost made Lucinda cry out in anguish. He wasn't hurting her with the embrace, but her heart was also being squeezed in the process. It wasn't going to be able to take much more. It was breaking; she could feel it. She was so terrified of what was going to happen when she got back to school. Tristin was most likely going to say something and then Severus was going to be fired. There was no doubt of it. If not that, then he was going to stay silent about it and Lucinda was still going to be left with the unbearable guilt of what she had done. She didn't want to go back, at all. She wanted to run from her shameful actions…

"I'm sorry that I pushed so much in the beginning," Lucinda whispered, trying not to let her voice shake anymore. "I'm sorry that I didn't just back off like you wanted me to. If I'd just focused on my school work and not pursuing a friendship with you, none of this would have happened."

Snape finally lifted his head to look at her. Their eyes met and Snape glanced down her face. "You think none of this would have happened?" he asked severely, but kept his voice down. "Do you think the fact that you hung around me was what made me attracted to you? What, because you were just there and I had nothing better to do?"

She shrugged a little and stared into his eyes. She glanced quickly at his lips and hated herself for it. She didn't want him to think that she was thinking about them; or how they tasted or how they felt on hers…

"How do you know it's not true?" she asked softly.

Snape brought his hand up to stroke a few hairs away from her face. "Because of what I already told you," he said back just as softly and ran his hand down the side of her face. "I have always felt this way. Your constant attention toward me simply brought it out sooner."

"I don't know how to move forward from this," she whispered and leaned into his touch. "Please, tell me what to do. I don't know what to do."

His thumb came down to drift slowly across her lips. "Do nothing," he said, barely above a whisper. "Regardless of what happens when we get back to Hogwarts, it doesn't change anything."

"It changes _everything_ ," Lucinda said incredulously. "Why would you think nothing would change?"

"How I feel about you isn't going to change," he corrected and dragged his thumb across her lips again.

Lucinda felt her affection building painfully in her chest and she couldn't hold it in; she gently kissed the thumb as it passed over her mouth. Snape froze, staring at her, and Lucinda's breath hitched under his intense gaze. She felt him exhale heavily and the warmth spread across her face. At first he didn't move a muscle; he just continued to watch her with such intensity, that she didn't have a clue what he was going to do next. Then he looked down at her mouth and back up at her face. He advanced slowly, eyes still unblinking, watching her with anticipation. She stayed where she was. She glanced down his face and didn't stop him from descending upon her. He was moving so slowly, she easily could have pushed him away, but she stayed still. Only her eyes moved to watch his lips and then his face.

"Severus…" she whispered and the words went directly into his mouth as it opened and met hers. He pressed forward all of the way, until they were completely joined and not a single breath could escape either of them. He was painstakingly slow with his movements. It took him a full five more seconds before he finally parted her lips with his to fully kiss her. Perhaps he was giving her every chance to deny him, but then perhaps he was only savoring it for as long as he could. She couldn't tell. She could hardly keep herself standing, because her knees suddenly wanted to buckle beneath her. His hand came up to grasp her chin and then his mouth moved against hers again in that same agonizingly measured motion. She felt the heat radiating from his body to her front as he pressed against her and with one massaging gyration from his tongue against her own, she let out a tiny moan.

His composure was lost after that. He had never elicited such a sound from her before (and morally, he shouldn't have), but it was the most delicious thing he'd ever heard. What was more, he also felt it against his mouth and it made a tremor run through him. He gave up the restrained advances and wrapped both of his fists in her hair, dipping his tongue deeper into her mouth. It caused her to moan again and he almost couldn't stand it. She wasn't stopping him. Why wasn't she stopping him? He couldn't stop _himself_ ; not when she continued to make those noises and press herself so tightly against him. His mouth worked on hers in a passionate display of barely suppressed lust for several more minutes and she still hadn't pulled away from him. As much as he didn't want it to end, he knew it had to. He needed to leave her. They also couldn't afford to be caught by anyone else in such a stance.

Reluctantly, he pulled away from her. He was breathing a little heavily, but not nearly as much as she was. Her eyes were slightly glazed over and he felt a surge of empowerment with just a bit of guilt. He really did have some kind of control over her and it was going to his head. He shook himself and stepped back, leaning against the sink behind him. He let out a deep breath and put a hand to his forehead. There was a thin layer of dampness beneath his palm and he couldn't believe she'd started to make him sweat already. He took his hand away, bracing it on the counter behind him and stared at her. She steadied her breathing and stared back at him. Her dark, curling hair was messy with sleep and it made her all the more appealing. He had to leave. NOW.

"You're leaving," she said, before he had a chance to say so.

He swallowed and smoothed down the back of his head. "Yes," he said, still a little breathless, and looked at the bathroom door. "I need to go before anyone else wakes up and tries to ask me any questions about us… because, at this point, I would not be able to lie."

"This is goodbye, isn't it?" she asked, walking to him again.

He looked at the door again and then at her. Then he nodded. "For now."

Lucinda held her arms and chewed her lip. "I understand," she said. "So I guess I'll see you at school."

Snape dragged his knuckles down her cheek and almost smiled at her. "Of course," he said, gently, "just as long as I never see you with Samael again."

Lucinda let out an impatient sigh and looked away from him.

"What?" he prompted in agitation. "Is that an unreasonable request? Are you telling me you're _still_ going to continue to be with him after my tongue was nearly down your throat just now?"

Lucinda blushed deeper than she ever thought possible and Snape's mind cried out in joyous triumph. _That's what I thought_ … he smirked to himself. His smirk faded, though, as he remembered that this was the last time he'd be able to be like this with her… At least until school was done with. He stooped down and kissed her once more. It was quick and didn't last nearly long enough, but it held everything in it that he couldn't yet say to her. He held her face a moment longer, then, and just looked at her. Lucinda tried not to let her emotions take over, but it was so difficult. She was getting that same panicked feeling she'd had inside the carriage on the way to the Hogwarts Express. She thought that this wasn't just goodbye, but the _last_ goodbye. Snape saw the look in her eyes and he smiled gently.

"Don't look so afraid, Gryffindor Girl," he whispered and placed his forehead against hers, closing his eyes. "When the time comes, nothing will keep us apart, although…" he paused and leaned away from her. "I realize that you must have been kissing me back for a reason, but you still haven't said exactly how you feel about me…"

Lucinda was silent again as they stared at each other. "I-I don't…" she stammered, trying to find her voice. He was right. She had been reacting to his touch and his lips, but… she hadn't officially said anything about how she really felt about him. And now that he was prompting her to do so, she suddenly couldn't speak.

"O…kay," he said slowly as he watched her still stunned face and let go of her. "I may have gotten ahead of myself… Perhaps we can just discuss it at the end of the year." His face was exceedingly casual, but his voice was full of uncertainty.

"Um," Lucinda tried again and her throat closed up. She had a million things running through her mind: Tristin, kissing her professor (several times), her parents (what would they _think?!_ ), her friends, her professors, Dumbledore… How could anything good come from this, even if she graduated? "We'll see…" she finally said, hating herself for the 100th time. Was that what she really wanted to say? Not at all. She wanted to say: _Severus, I'm yours now, at the end of the year, two years from now, ten years from now…_ _It doesn't matter how much time goes by._ Instead, she was playing his feelings off like she was only slightly interested. Everything was going so horribly and complicatedly wrong.

Snape definitely looked… less than enthused by her answer. In fact, he'd run a hand through his hair in agitation, as he was prone to do while he was around her. He looked to the bathroom door again and spoke once more. "Alright, I understand," he whispered. "I'll get out of your hair."

"Well, it's not that you're in my h—" she started, but he already opened the bathroom door.

Severus peered out into the hall, listening. A moment passed and they could hear snoring coming from upstairs and down the hall. He looked over his shoulder at her and, unable to keep their eye-contact, he looked forward again. "Alright, I'll see you in class," he muttered quietly and stepped out of the doorway. Lucinda still didn't say anything. She watched him walk all of the way down the hall and her lips stayed sealed. Part of her thought she might run after him. To say one last goodbye, but her feet were planted and she simply watched him leave. He disappeared into the darkness as he neared the door, but he never opened it. She kept waiting for the front door to creep open, but it stayed shut. It wasn't until several quiet minutes passed, that she realized he was already gone. He'd disappeared like smoke… and it left her feeling emptier than ever.

* * *

"Sooo… I'll see you in a couple of days?"

Lucinda nodded automatically. She couldn't even think clearly. Her mind was crippled.

"Okay, well, I'll see ya then?" Aurora tried again, waving her hand in the girl's face.

Lucinda looked up and smiled apologetically. "Sorry, Rorie," she murmured. "I had a rough night."

"I can see that," she said, crossing her arms, standing in the middle of the bedroom. "I also saw that Snape was gone this morning."

"Yeah," Lucinda scratched at her neck nervously. "We kind of had a run-in outside the bathroom and then we ended up talking…" she swallowed painfully and then muttered, "and then not talking."

"What is _that_ supposed to mean?" Aurora raised a perfect eyebrow and stomped her foot (obviously, Lucinda was rubbing off on her).

Lucinda stared guiltily at the floor. "W-we kissed again."

"WHAT?!" she yelled and it nearly shook the house.

Lucinda covered her face with her hands and sighed loudly. "Gawd, I don't know why I let it happen," she wailed miserably. "I'm just complicating things _more._ "

"Not to mention, you have just _deliberately_ cheated on Tristin," the girl snapped.

"It's more compound than that…" Lucinda whispered despairingly. "I don't plan to continue this with Tristin. And I think after last night, he's probably done with me anyway… and when I'm around Severus… I'm completely under his spell. I can't explain it, Rorie. Something has happened to me. We just share one kiss and all hell breaks loose. I know it meant more to me than what I originally said, but I didn't mean for it to create a domino effect and possibly ruin the rest of my school year… maybe more than that."

"Okay, you know what?" Aurora said, barely containing her frustration. "I am not even going to touch on this subject anymore. I am leaving and I will see you at school."

"Please, don't be mad at me," Lucinda whimpered, staring up at her friend from her position on the bed. "I confided in only you about this and so you're the only one I can talk to about it. Please, Rorie. I need you."

The girl standing in the middle of the room rolled her eyes and looked away from the other one. "Yeah, sure," she muttered. "I'm watching you falling down a slippery slope, but sure. I'll be there to catch you at the very bottom."

"Harsh," Lucinda sniffed and chewed at her lips (she was going to end up eating them before long). "But thank you, even if it is only at the last minute that you catch me."

Aurora let out a quick sigh and tapped her foot. "Alright, now we've really got to go, so stop getting all mushy on me," she snapped, but she let her lips give a tiny smirk. "And keep me informed, because if you think hell has already broken loose—" she walked to the door and opened it, "—I think you're in for a surprise once you get back to Hogwarts."

Lucinda gulped and then she was left alone in her bedroom, contemplating dropping out of school for the first time.

* * *

"Hurry _up_ , Rorie!" Clover called, as they all headed for the portkey just down the road.

Aurora walked with her bag thrown over her shoulder, but something was bothering her foot. "Hang on a minute," she ground out and then stopped altogether. "There's—there's something on the bottom of my shoe. I keep feeling it every time I take step."

Her family waited while she tossed her bag into the snow and then pulled her foot up to peer at the underside of her boot. Something silver glinted at her in the late morning sun and, unable to resist something shiny, she instantly pried it out of the grooves of her sole and held it up. Emeralds shined back at her and reflected a prism of greens over her face. "Cool…" she whispered.

"What is it?" Chortle asked, squinting against the sunlight. "Something cool?"

Aurora nodded with a grin and pocketed the pendant. "Something cool," she repeated and picked her bag back up.

* * *

The last couple days of Christmas break flew by much too quickly. It was already time to head back to Hogwarts. Lucinda's stomach was in so many knots, she thought she'd need a medic before she even set foot on the train. Her hands shook no matter what she did; no matter if she took her medicine and ate plenty of food, she trembled from head-to-toe. Her parents watched her peculiarly as they walked with her through Kings Cross Station. They met with Aurora's family there, but still the girl was silent. She said a brief goodbye to her parents and then she boarded the train with her friends. When they found a compartment, the three of them sat down and Lucinda stared out the window. Clover and Aurora talked for a while, leaving the other girl alone, but soon Clover wanted to use the bathroom and left the compartment.

"Hey, you gonna be okay?" Aurora asked once they were alone.

Lucinda sat on her shaking hands and continued to look out of the window. "I'm trying not to lose it, I really am."

"There's nothing to do about it now, Lucy," Aurora said quietly. "If someone really does find out, then… well, just deny it. That's all you can do."

It was a ridiculous plan, but it still made her feel a little better. "Do you think they'd believe me over Tristin?" she asked just as quietly, not believing it.

" _If_ he even says anything…" Aurora pondered confidently. "I think it is very plausible that Tristin could only be saying such things, because he's jealous of the time you spend with your professor."

Lucinda arched a brow. " _Really?_ " she widened her eyes in further disbelief. "Tristin is a model student, isn't he? He hasn't really been in trouble before."

Aurora shrugged. "He's still a Slytherin. You can't trust a Slytherin."

" _Snape_ is a Slytherin," Lucinda gathered ludicrously.

"Exactly," Aurora sniffed and looked out the window, as well. "You can't trust him either."

"Whose side are you on?"

"Yours," Aurora said indefinitely and smirked at her sideways. "I am always on your side, no matter what."

Lucinda smiled at her lap and flexed her fingers under her thighs. "Thanks, Rorie…" she mumbled.

Thankfully, it was a long train ride that Sunday. It gave them all plenty of time to spend one last day hanging out together. The sun arched high over the blinding, snow-covered fields around them and eventually began to set. They talked, they laughed and just as Lucinda was starting to feel okay again, the lights in the sky from the castle started to come into view. Her heart thudded in her chest at an increasing rate and her hands went back to shaking. Now _real_ hell was bound to break loose… and she had no idea how she was going to survive it.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this one SO quickly, so I hope it doesn't suck! Because it sucks to suck… It's Sunday, so yeah I wanted to get back on my usual writing schedule. My husband and I just had our first sonogram and saw the baby! You can check out my Instagram if you want and see it. My name is the same on there: "gravityfair". It kind of exposes me as a real person, no longer a mystery! But oh well. See you next week!


	32. Pains of the Heart

It was just dinner time when they got to Hogwarts that night. Students bustled in a buzz of excitement to be back at school. It wasn't nearly as crowded outside or as loud as the start of the year, but everyone still seemed to be in good spirits as they made their way to the oak double doors of the castle. Lucinda was paranoid. She thought for sure that she was going to see others staring at her, whispering and pointing, but the most anyone did was give a hug here and there or a frantic wave of hello.

"Have a nice holiday?!" they'd call over their shoulders as they were swept away by the current of students.

"My grandma almost choked on a turkey bone!" another said to her as they entered into the great hall.

No one was giving her secretive or flabbergasted looks. Everyone looked genuinely happy to see her. Everyone looked happy to see _everyone_. It was surreal. It was as if nothing had happened over her break. She wanted to see if Tristin would give her dirty looks when she walked in, but she didn't dare look at his table. Everything seemed to be going alright. She was afraid if she made eye-contact with him, it would suddenly push him to blurt it out in front of the whole school. She didn't dare look up at the staff table, either. She was able to chance it, only because she was walking and staring straight ahead, but once she sat down she kept herself turned toward her plate and that was it. She talked with her friends and laughed when it was warranted, but she had a knot in her stomach the entire time. She saw a glimpse of Snape before she sat down, but he was talking with Dumbledore, so that was one less thing to twist her stomach over. However, she knew she couldn't afford to relax or lower her guard just yet. Something was going to happen. It was definitely going to happen.

Minutes passed and the headmaster stood and spoke to the hall, welcoming everyone back from Christmas break. Lucinda took the chance and stared up at the staff table. Snape was looking directly at her. She shifted her eyes to watch Dumbledore, but they were sitting right next to each other and it was hard to ignore his stares. Her mind started to run wild: did it look like she was looking at the headmaster or the _potions_ master? Was Tristin watching her watching them? Did he think she was just ogling at their professor? Before long, she couldn't take it any longer and had to look down at her plate again. She had to get out of there. She didn't think she could even make it through half of the meal. She'd hardly eaten anything, as it was. She looked at her plate, trying to take bites here and there, but everything tasted the same. It all gurgled in her stomach, as the acids churned and bubbled. Was she going to be sick or was this her own guilt consuming her and wanting to spew a confession to Tristin? Either way, she felt that she had to leave or something very, very bad was going to happen.

"Lucy, you okay?" Clover said across from her.

Lucinda looked up at him, unable to even change her expression. It was only then that she finally realized that Gabriel was not at their table. Memories came flooding back to her and she remembered Clover and Gabe's break up (as told by Aurora). Her guilt consumed her more after that…

"I'm just… not feeling well," she answered and she knew it was believable, because she could feel how flushed her face was and she felt a bead of sweat starting to form at her temple. She swallowed and she could feel every contour of her tongue sliding against the back of her throat. It made her feel even sicker. None of this was good…

"Lucy, maybe you should just go lie down," Aurora stared over at her with concern. "Classes start back up in the morning and you should probably get as much rest as you can."

The girl shook her head. "No, I—I don't want to draw attention to myself," she mumbled, hoping Aurora would get the hint.

Aurora did. She glanced behind them and Lucinda wished she wouldn't. He was definitely going to see her looking and say something. Oh god, he was going to say something. She really was going to be sick—

"Lucy, he's not even over there," Aurora whispered in her ear. "Just get out of here."

It was all she needed. She didn't think she could decide something so quickly, but one word of "okay" from Rorie sealed her fate: she was leaving. She was getting out of there and she would speak with Tristin when they could be alone. Lucinda gave her friend a small nod and then she got up from the table. A split second later, however, she was shoved back down into her seat by someone's hand on her shoulder. She looked to her right and there he was, already climbing into the seat next to her.

"T-Tristin—" Lucinda couldn't help but stammer out. So, he'd already been out of his seat by the time Rorie had looked for him. He was probably already half to their table. Now he was going to do it. Oh god, he was going to say something in front of everyone. She couldn't even run!

"Don't leave so soon, my love," he grinned sideways at her and then slipped an arm around her back, pulling her closer to him.

Lucinda froze up and glanced at Aurora on her other side. The other girl was just staring between the two with wide eyes, but she was quick to cover her shock. Aurora suddenly smiled and said, "Tristin! What's good, man?"

Lucinda felt her fingers shake as a vibration of chuckles came pounding into her side.

"I'm very good, Aurora," he said happily. "I'm glad all of you are back. It's been dreadfully boring here without you."

"Hey, what happened at Lucy's place?" Clover suddenly asked. "We heard some noise and then we come out there and found you… you know, fighting with, um…"

Lucinda's breathing nearly stopped. This was it. This was the perfect moment for Tristin to spill what he saw and _why_ he got in a fight with Snape. She didn't know what to do. Without even thinking about it, she reached under the table and put a trembling hand on Tristin's knee. A second later, he squeezed her shoulder lightly and his smile didn't falter.

"Oh that—haha—" Tristin put his free hand to his forehead. "Jeeze, I honestly thought I was gonna get back to school and they'd have my bags already packed, ready to kick me out of here."

"Did you really start the fight?" Aurora whispered, obviously joining in on the questioning (as if she didn't already know exactly what happened…).

Tristin paused and then ran his fingers up and down Lucinda's arm. "I did," he nodded solemnly. "I'm not proud of it and I thought for sure I'd be called up to the headmaster's office, but so far I haven't… I still could be, though."

"What the heck happened?" Clover asked, lowering his voice a little more. "Was he provoking you? I mean, I know you've never really gotten along with him—which is _weird_ , because you're a Slytherin—but you've always taken his slander with a smile and a laugh. How did he finally get to you?"

Another pause ensued. Tristin continued to slowly stroke Lucinda's arm and her face continued to deepen in color. She was aware of who might be looking at them and her stomach twisted so much she thought her plate was about to be covered in partially digested potatoes. She held her sickness in and tried to breathe through her nose, while Tristin gave a small sigh and then spoke again.

"I really don't want to repeat it," he said and his voice lowered to the point of whispering. "Not while my girlfriend is sitting right here…"

Lucinda looked at him after that. Girlfriend? He was still calling her his girlfriend? But more importantly, he was definitely talking about what she thought he was talking about. What was worse, he'd already buttered them up and heightened their curiosity about the whole ordeal. Clover was never going to let him leave until he knew what happened on the porch. She was done for and she could do absolutely nothing about it. She was frozen there; frozen to Tristin's warm side, as he touched her arm affectionately.

"Is it that bad?" Clover persisted with saucer-like eyes. "Is it embarrassing or what?"

"I guess you could say embarrassing, humiliating…" Tristin pondered, squeezing Lucinda again. She squeezed slightly on his knee, not knowing what else she could do to stop this from happening. "But I think what I would call it, more than anything—" he continued, voice dropping again to a rumble, "—is _disrespectful_."

_Oh fuck._

That was it. The world was going dark. She could just see everyone's faces when they found out she was the school slut, sleeping with students hither and thither and giving her body over to the professors at a seconds glance. This would be the very thing to ruin her life. What was clouding her thoughts even more, though, was that Severus was going to be in a bigger pot of boiling water than she. He was going to lose his job and he would be shunned. He'd never get another position anywhere else and it was all her fault. Why couldn't she have just kept her lips to herself, regardless if it was meant to be "innocent" or not?

"Disrespectful?" Clover's eyes got even wider and he glanced back and forth between the two of them. Lucinda thought she heard Aurora gasp, but that could have been her playing the part…

"I don't usually intervene in such a violent way," Tristin continued seriously and Clover leaned in to listen, "but he was asking for it that night. I had to defend my Lucy's honor." Everyone was silent, although Lucinda hoped someone would stop him, since she couldn't. "I thought it was strange that professor Snape was at her house to begin with," he said and started to drag his nails along her upper arm again, "but when I asked him what he was doing there, he suddenly turned into a completely different person. He started saying all of these… terrible things about Lucinda."

"What?" Clover and Aurora both asked at the same time and it was the first time Lucinda remembered that they were twins. She only thought about it for a split second, because what Tristin just said was a blatant lie. Just what exactly was he doing?

"Lucy, I'm sorry that I'm repeating this now," Tristin whispered against her temple and then looked across the table at Clover. "I was angry to begin with once I heard him say that she was proving to no longer be of use to him in the classroom, but then he went on to say things that were much worse." He held her even tighter to him and Lucinda held her breath. What he just said was a lie… but she couldn't stop him; he wasn't telling them about the kiss—and that's all she cared about at that moment. "He told me that she would never be a proper lover for anyone, either," he continued on in his low whisper and even Aurora couldn't help but lean in and listen deftly. "The bastard said that she'd open her mouth to everyone—that she'd prey on anyone's weak heart and that I was pathetic for wanting to be with someone like her."

Clover looked just about sick to his stomach and Lucinda didn't dare turn and see what Aurora's face was doing. She was afraid to see what her own face was doing. She could understand him making up some story to cover the fact that he'd walked in on her… her in the position that she was in, but this was insane. Was this really the story that he wanted to come up with? It was as if he was punishing her without the others knowing; like he was trying to make her feel even worse than she already did… and it worked. It was as if he was thinking those thoughts about her, rather than him truly trying to paint professor Snape in that light. She couldn't blame him, but then again, she could. She was upset, too. She had no right to be, but she wanted him to know that. She wanted him to know that she didn't take any of it lightly. She _wasn't_ a promiscuous little—

"That's awful," Clover shook his head in disbelief. "What a horrible thing to say. I can see why you couldn't control yourself."

Tristin laughed a little bitterly and finally let go of Lucinda. "Yeah, well, like I said… he had it coming," he admitted, folding his hands in front of him on the table. "Lucy's my girlfriend. I couldn't just stand there and do nothing. Now I must wait and face the consequences."

 _You're not the same person…_ Lucinda thought, while she watched the boy at her side. _You're different somehow._ It wasn't just because of her. The way he was carrying himself had changed. She had to look away from him almost immediately. The longer they sat there and spoke softly around her, the more she knew how much she didn't want to be with him. She didn't belong with him. They weren't meant to be together. She wasn't meant to be with Severus, either. At this point, she felt it would be safer to just stay single for the rest of her life.

Dinner passed and she couldn't wait to get out of there—only Tristin had made it very clear before anyone could get up that he wanted to speak privately with her before she went to bed. What could she do? She agreed; or more so, she nodded her head a little (she hadn't really been speaking at all since he showed up at their table). They all walked out together, but Tristin and Lucinda veered off to the side of the staircase when they got out there. Aurora threw a meaningful glance over her shoulder, but Lucinda had her eyes pointed at the floor and didn't see it. She didn't see anyone as they came out of the great hall; not even Gabriel, who gave her his own meaningful glance; or Xavier who didn't look at anyone as he left the great hall, as Lucinda was probably the only one at that point who would have noticed something was wrong.

Snape left the great hall towards the end of the flow of students, but of course Lucinda didn't pay any attention to him, either. If she had, she'd have seen the tiny smirk that curled up from the depths of his soul and splayed itself across his lips; she'd have seen the hollow glare that Tristin returned Snape's smirk with. She would have been horrified, because he was making everything worse, but she was looking down, so she saw nothing. When the entrance hall was quiet again, Lucinda finally tried her luck and looked up at the boy. She was relieved to see he was smiling down at her tenderly. Her relief was short lived, though, because it occurred to her that there was no reason for him to be smiling and, therefore, something was definitely wrong.

"Lucy, my love," he said quietly.

"It meant nothing," she whispered instantly, before he could say anything else. "Please believe me, Tristin, it really meant nothing. I-It was midnight and it was just a kiss of tradition—"

"Okay." He interjected politely.

Lucinda closed her mouth again and stared at him in hesitant confusion. "Um…" she paused and rubbed her fingers absentmindedly on her jeans. "Is that all you have to say about it?"

The Slytherin prefect regarded her with a hand on his chin. "Hmm…" he said, thinking. "Yep. That's it."

She paused again and watched him carefully, waiting for the moment that he was going to blow up. "Tristin…" she said with a little warning to her voice, "…what about that story you made up?"

He then scrunched his eyebrows up in such a way and stared above her head in such deep thought, that she was certain he had already forgotten what he'd said during dinner. "Story?" he repeated, glancing around them, as if to find it. "What story?"

"Tristin…" Lucinda warned again, feeling her throat going a little dry.

"I don't remember telling stories, Lucy," he said, nearly laughing, but his face was as solid as a smooth stone. "Don't you remember what happened?"

She hesitated again and then asked tentatively, "Don't you?"

Tristin's grin widened and a bed of white teeth shone out of his mouth as he stepped closer to her. She could smell faint sweat lingering on his skin and she swallowed. Then his hand came up around to the back of her head and he ran his fingers through her hair, massaging gently at her scalp. "Of course I remember," he whispered, brushing the tip of his nose against hers. "How could I forget it? How could I possibly get that image out of my _head?_ " He ended his sentence with a sudden tightening of his fist and Lucinda gasped from the sharp pain that shot through her neck as it was jerked backward.

"T-Tristin—" she gasped again, putting her own hands over his in an attempt to stop any further pain.

"T-T-Tristin…" He stuttered back at her cruelly and Lucinda finally saw in his eyes what Severus always seemed to see. "It isn't going to happen again, is that correct?"

"What—Tristin, why are you—ouch!"

"You didn't answer the question, my love," he said calmly, tightening his fist more and pulling back on her dark hair, "So, please, go on. You will not betray me again, _correct?_ "

Lucinda gritted her teeth and slowly glared at him. "I won't have the opportunity to," she whispered bravely, though he voice shook uncontrollably, "I don't think we should see each other anymore."

He was already shaking his head with a soft smile while she spoke. "Oh, that's just not an option," he said, letting go of the fistful of hair and bringing his hand in front to stroke the side of her face. "You are currently the only thing amusing me at the moment and if I lose you, then I just might… end up doing something… regrettable."

Her gaze hardened more as she tried to lean away from his touch. "Like what?" she whispered incredulously, "Hurt me? Because if you think that I'm afraid of—"

"Oh yes," he nodded eagerly, smile turning sinister. "I will hurt you in the best way possible and that is through _him_."

"What are you talking abou—"

"Don't act as naïve as you are," he spat and grasped her chin so that she couldn't pull her face away from his. "If you so much as _speak_ to him outside of class, I will not hesitate to completely obliterate his social standing here—not to mention, I will let everyone else know how much of a _slut_ you have been and the shame will follow you well beyond your school days."

Of all the times that she needed to be able to say something back, she couldn't. She was horrified and felt just as betrayed. Who was this? This wasn't the kind boy that she met at the beginning of the year. This was a monster… and he terrified her. She would be lying if she said she wasn't afraid of him, but that's not what made her decide to stay with him. Not even the thought of everyone chanting "slut" at her was enough to make her stay with him… It was the thought of Severus losing his job; of him packing his things, as the school watched, engrossed in the gossip-filled moment; of him blaming her for everything for the rest of her life…

"Okay," she said resignedly, feeling her freedom crumble into oblivion. "Okay, whatever you want, Tristin…" she paused and placed a hand to his chest, just to show that she was serious. "I'll do whatever you want. Just don't tell anyone what happened… please."

Tristin put his other hand over hers, holding it there against him as he sighed. "You have no idea how happy that makes me," he said softly and then closed the distance between them, pressing his lips against hers. With nothing else to do but allow it, she kissed him back. He seemed satisfied with it, especially when she allowed him even further access as his tongue slithered like a snake against her teeth. Inside her mind, though, she fought the disgusted urge to bite down.

* * *

Severus lay there in his bed, staring up at the ceiling. He imagined that Lucinda slept just above him; floors and floors above him. He shouldn't have left them alone. He remembered the chilling look the boy gave him, but he couldn't help but smile in triumph. It was wrong of him to do; he knew it might have complicated things… angered the piece of filth further… but he couldn't help it. He'd won. Lucinda willingly gave into his kisses several times. She wouldn't do that if it didn't mean something. Even though she hesitated at his proposal and didn't necessarily answer him at all, he knew there was something between them. She wanted him, too. It was obvious. Why else would she—unless, she was only reacting to his seductive touch—and if that were the case that was fine, too. Loving kisses led to love itself. He would wait for her. He would pursue her until she wanted him back.

If their… "relationship" over the break was found out, then so be it. He didn't care anymore. Who wanted or needed that job? Not him. He only wanted Lucinda; _needed_ Lucinda. He would face anything to be with her, now that he tasted what that life could be and what it could mean. He couldn't let it go. He couldn't forget about it. He was drowning in thoughts of her already and he still had the rest of the school year to go before he could act on any of it.

He fell asleep easily that night, knowing that he would see her again in the morning. He would see her at meal times and in potions class. They would pass each other in the halls and he would nod at her, while she blessed him with a knowing smile. They could no longer have a friendship in front of others, but that was alright. It was all going to be worth it in the end, because at that point he was going to have her. They would be together… Always.

* * *

Madam Pomfrey was just turning in for bed when there was a soft creak of a door behind her. At first, she wanted to sigh in frustration, not because she was so bothered by the students, but because she'd been so enjoying the lack of broken bones in her Hospital Wing lately and all she needed was for one of them to come flouncing in there, brandishing a gaping wound with a proud grin. So careless! She had enough to worry about, being the way her holiday had gone. She needed one more good night's sleep before facing the day in the morning. Now was not the time for an emergency, as selfish as that sounded. She started feeling bad the moment she began to think it, however. If there was a student in need, she would of course come to their aid. She wanted them to be safe; she wanted _all_ of them to be safe _._ So, although her infirmary was currently _empty,_ she would fill a bed if need be. So, she turned around with a smile, before she could finish her journey into her office. Her face fell slightly, once she saw the green eyes watching her in the darkness.

"Mr. Michael?" she said in surprise.

The door creaked open wider, as the boy stepped slowly inside. He had on thin, cotton lounging pants and a t-shirt. Madam Pomfrey looked him up and down, before she stepped forward, folding her arms. "Yes, boy, what is it? Broken something already, have you?"

X walked forward slowly, twisting his freckled hands in front of him, watching the woman. "No… Yes," he said, changing his answer while his voice cracked. He cleared his throat and continued his slow shuffle across the dark room, toward the nearest bed. "I-I thought I might stay here tonight and… and sleep it off."

"Mr. Michael," Poppy huffed. "You can't sleep off a broken bone."

The redhead didn't falter in his steps, but he did slow down even more. When he reached one of the mattresses, his back was to the woman. He ran a finger over the brass bedframe absentmindedly and looked out of the window that sat behind it. "It isn't a bone…" he said, watching the shadows that were cast from the moon onto the grounds below. Then, without another word, he slowly climbed into the bed and pulled the covers over his shoulder, facing away from her.

Madam Pomfrey didn't say anything. She didn't know what she would say even if she could. She waited a moment longer, before she turned around and started back to her office again, but his voice stopped her.

"Do you hate me?"

She turned around instantly, mouth open in shock at his words, but he still had his back to her. A quiet moment passed and she heard his breathing shudder.

"Mr. Michael—" she began and took a step back to the bed.

"It's alright," he said gently into the pillow. "You have every right to. I hate me… You know, I hate me, too."

Madam Pomfrey put a hand to her forehead and held her emotions at bay, doing so easily, because she was always very good at it. She walked the last couple of feet to the bed and then continued around it to face the boy. He stared straight through her stomach and didn't look up at her face. "I don't hate you," she said and straightened the wrinkles in the blanket, because she couldn't help it. "Get some sleep and no more talk of such things."

"I can't sleep, you know?" he said, looking at her finally, his eyes slightly wide. "My bed is too warm. It's suffocating. I thought it would be chillier here…"

"Mr. Michael," Poppy said patiently. "It is the middle of winter. You do not _need_ to be 'chillier'."

"I need it," he nodded into the pillow and went back to staring through her stomach. "I need to be cold. I want to feel cold."

"Mr. Michael—" she began, but then sighed in agitation. She should have expected this. She couldn't distance herself from him anymore; not after everything that'd happened… "Xavier…" she tried again and crouched down to fold her arms on top of the mattress, "Would you like me to give you something so you'll sleep tonight?"

The boy stared at her and the moon through the window shone in his eyes. "No," he said after a moment. "I want to feel all of this."

Poppy brought a hand to her forehead again and rubbed at it gently. With another sigh (except this one was out of defeat) she straightened up slightly and then crawled on top of the covers to lie on her back next to him. He scooted back slightly to make room for her, but he didn't say anything. He just stared at her shiny shoes at the foot of the bed. Neither said anything for a very long time. Eventually, X turned onto his back, as well, and placed his hands behind his head. He stared up at the high ceiling of the dark infirmary and thought of only one thing.

It was hard to breathe. It was hard to imagine that his life was real, that he was real and that what had happened, had _really_ happened. It was impossible. It was too much to handle. After last year, he thought the worst of it was over, but that wasn't the case. He never fathomed that something… something like _this_ would happen. He never thought he would end up being that person who…

X wiped an arm over the corner of his eye before the tear could fall and then replaced his hand back behind his head. However, by the time he was settled again and staring up at the shadowy ceiling, his nose burned and he felt another teardrop shivering at the corner of his other eye. He brought his arm around and wiped at that one, too, but another was already creeping out of the other corner. He felt it dampen his temple and then turn cold against his skin. More fell and he continued to wipe at them, mostly silently.

"It wasn't your fault," Madam Pomfrey said.

X froze with his hands on his cheeks, still looking up at the ceiling. His tears didn't stop; they dripped down across his speckled skin and pooled at the dip in his neck and his chin quivered uncontrollably.

"It wasn't your fault," she repeated, more firmly. "You cannot blame yourself for their mistakes, please, Xavier… None of this has been your fault."

Xavier covered his face with his hands and let his anguish out. He stifled his cries as much as he could with his hands, but he couldn't stay completely quiet. His broken sobs echoed on the walls and Madam Pomfrey put her arms around him.

"There, there now," she whispered, patting at the side of his head, "We'll figure this out, poor child. There, there now…"

Xavier eventually slept, but it wasn't until Madam Pomfrey convinced him to drink a dreamless sleep potion. When he was good and breathing deeply, she finally headed into her office and then into her own bed chambers. She dressed in her nightgown, washed her face, filled a glass of water to take with her and then she set it on her bedside table. She sat in bed and put lotion on her hands and face. She smoothed down her cheeks and stared at the glass of water beside her. She could see her own refection in the glass, looking back at her sadly. Her crystal, blue eyes watched herself and then she remembered those eyes from years ago; she remembered the way they once squinted at the sun and laughed and the pain in her heart was finally released. She covered her own face and wept.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait! This one is shorter than what the usual has been lately, but I just had to stop here. There is so much torment on the horizon and it's totally overwhelming me. We've finally started to get to the more serious chapters and, instead of putting a warning up in the beginning of each explicit chapter (and explicit does not always mean sexual, mind you), I'm warning you now. Things are going to get explicit and some of it might be hard to read, so read on from here at your own discretion. Until next time…


	33. The Crash

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well... Hello, there. It's me. I'm not dead. I'm dead tired, though. As you may or may not know, I was pregnant the last time I updated this story. Obviously, I no longer am, seeing as it's been well over a year since I updated. Actually, my son (Tobias) is nearing his first birthday (September 2nd). Now I hope you'll understand why I've been so busy. It was mostly being a new mom and dealing with the stress of it. I still don't know quite what I'm doing. My health has declined, but just in the sense that I've gained a ton of weight. Haha. But also, my mental health hasn't been the best (and as I said before, mostly due to the stress of being a new mother). I have worked on this chapter on and off for the past year, but I only ever got as far as the first couple paragraphs. It's rough. It's less than what I would like it to be, but I needed to get back into the swing of this, no matter what. So, even though I'm not 100% happy with the end result of this chapter, I'm hoping it will fuel me forward in continuing this with more ease. I can't think about it too much, or else I will never finish writing it. I always want it to be more than what I am mentally capable of, so allow me to give myself a break and hopefully give some of you a little happiness. So, here it is. I have updated.
> 
> ALSO IMPORTANT: Just a quick note that I got Snape's age wrong. I don't know how I did it, but I guess I was too eager to write and didn't research well enough. Severus is actually 22, not 20. It's not much of a difference, but it still matters (as I want to be as accurate as possible). I already went back and fixed the previous chapters (hopefully I found all of the mentions of his age). He's still young. Just not quite that young. haha
> 
> ONE MORE THING AND THEN BE MY GUEST AND READ THE CHAPTER: I have a youtube channel if anyone wants to keep up to date on my life, in between the story updates... Just search Gravityfair on there. Search it as one word, or else you'll get a bunch of videos of fair rides. Hahaha

If there had been any doubt in his mind about her, he might not have pushed so hard. If she had rejected him even a little bit, he might have just backed off. After all, they had agreed to come back to school as nothing more than teacher and student. It was for the best, given what had transpired over the Holiday. He could understand why she had done what she had. They were supposed to be as least suspicious as possible, but still... She wasn't supposed to be carrying on the charade with Samael... but she was.

It had been an entire agonizing week since classes started back up and she hadn't so much as looked at him twice. She didn't seem upset. She didn't seem overly cheerful. She didn't seem anything at all. She was as normal as she could possibly be, which he didn't understand, because she was still seeing that _piece of SHIT!_

Severus' stick of chalk snapped in his hand and he looked down at it, the pieces crumbling to dust in his palm. He had been staring at her, much to his annoyance. It was a weakness that he was trying to get a grasp on. Just as he was trying to get a grasp on her _apparent_ weakness... because it obviously wasn't for yours truly. Honestly, how _could_ she go on seeing him?!

He looked up at her again. She was just as he'd left her: pulling milkweed silks from their pods, ever so delicately, and tossing them into her cauldron. She stooped slightly to her right and mouthed something to the Borealis girl and then they both giggled. He restrained himself from lashing out and taking a hundred points from the stupid, little Gryffindor House. Instead, he breathed deeply in through his flared nostrils and let it out quietly into his hand, resting his chin there on the edge of his palm. He could smell the chalk. He closed his eyes and focused on that.

He had watched them the very next day, walking together; the day after they had all returned from their Christmas break. It was the only moment her eyes had locked with his for longer than a second. Lucinda's gaze had trailed up his front and rested on his face. Then her eyes softened and were in sync with his. She hadn't meant to do it, because she looked away instantly, but in that instant, he knew what she was... She was afraid. Samael looked at him, too. He looked with his knowing eyes and an arch of his glossy eyebrow. In all of a few moments, Severus knew what was happening. Samael put his arm around her shoulders as they passed and his smug expression verged on sinful. Severus was about to pull her away from him while they were still in arm's reach, but he stopped. He stopped, because she was looking over her shoulder at him. It was a subtle look and never reached his eyes (soon, she was never going to look him in the eye again). Her gaze lingered near his mouth, maybe. Her eyebrow arched up in the same way that Samael's did; that pitying, abhorrent look of dismissal. With that single look, Severus questioned everything... absolutely everything.

Lucinda was not that good of an actress... was she?

Every ounce of fear that he had gotten from her in the first look, was now obliterated by the utter preposterousness in her second one. None of it made sense... but Severus knew of one thing, absolutely... Samael did this.

"Oh, I'm sorry," said a silky voice. "Am I interrupting?"

As if to show emphasis on the situation at hand, there he was. Severus' body snapped to attention and he stared over at the boy standing in his classroom doorway. Samael looked back at him with a smile.

"Actually, yes-" Severus began to say with vehemence, but there was a sudden fumbling and then a screeching, as Lucinda pushed her chair back. Without so much as a word to anyone, she suddenly packed up her things and headed for the door, leaving her cauldron still smoking slightly on its flame.

"Lucy, your potion-!" Aurora stood and called after her, but she was already out the door, followed by the Slytherin boy.

Snape was also on his feet, he realized. Aurora and Severus turned and looked at one another.

"She just-" Aurora started again, but then glanced at the room of students watching her. "I'll... I'll finish her potion for her."

"Leave it." Severus was at their table in a flash and then he picked the cauldron up by its handle. He walked swiftly to the back of the classroom and tossed it into the sink, cauldron and all. Everyone flinched as stone slammed against stone and the unfinished potion splashed and sizzled in the drain. "Would anyone else like to fail this class?!" He belted as he made his way back to his desk. "If not, I suggest you stop ogling and _get back to work!_ "

Everyone did as they were told; everyone except for two students.

Aurora sat back down and stared at their professor. It wasn't like she could really do the potion that well on her own, anyway... The girl sighed sadly and snuffed out the flame under her cauldron, feeling guilty that Lucy was going to lose the grade when she didn't deserve to. Why was she like this all of the sudden..? Aurora glanced over at Gabe, who was on the other side of the room. He was the other one who hadn't moved to continue his potion. He was staring at the classroom door. He chewed at his lip and then looked down at the table top. _What's going on with everyone?_ Aurora thought helplessly.

* * *

"-urge you to remember that this is not just any school year for the students. For some, they are only just coming to terms with what happened last year. Voldemort may be gone, but he has left a lasting effect on thousands, including some of our students."

"I've been encouraging them to come talk to me, if they wish," Professor McGonagall chimed in with an out-of-character gentleness.

"Thank you, Minerva," Professor Dumbledore smiled from behind his desk, the rest of his peers looking back at him from across it. "But that brings me to some... unpleasant news." He glanced at Madam Pomfrey, but she had her eyes set on the parchment in front of her.

"Oh no, what has happened now?" Professor Sprout asked nervously. "I don't think I can bare more bad news. Not after last year."

"That is precisely what we must discuss." He said soberly and glanced at Severus, but the potions professor was staring distractedly at his shoes.

"Forgive me, but which travesty are we discussing?" Professor Flitwick's squeaky voice said from the back. "The- um- incident with the- um- Potters?"

Everyone fell silent and Dumbledore flicked his eyes over Snape again and this time saw the man's eyes come back into focus and look up at him. "Actually, no." Dumbledore said, still watching Snape. Then he looked around at the rest of the staff in his office and continued. "I am referring to the Michael incident."

"Michael?" Someone else questioned.

"More specifically," the Headmaster continued, "the Beauford Michael incident."

Silence ensued once more, as everyone remembered. Severus in particular remembered the incident probably more than anyone else... He hadn't thought about it again, though, as he was too wrapped up in his own emotional turmoil over Lily Potter at that time. It was Severus whom had gone to get the boy over Christmas break last year and witnessed... what had happened. Which really, he didn't understand Dumbledore's reasoning behind the request, because Poppy was the boy's aunt. She should have gone to get him. Maybe he thought the sensitive subject matter at the Michael House would be too much for her to take. Severus had also been on his way to Hogwarts during that time to begin his teaching career, anyway, and Xavier Michael was just a short detour to Warwickshire... Either way, thinking about it again briefly put his own troubles out of his mind.

Severus glanced over at Madam Pomfrey, as did everyone else. Beauford Michael was her brother-in-law... and he was Xavier Michael's father.

"Albus, what is this about?" Professor Snape asked (a little more heatedly than he'd meant to). "What happened now?" Poppy was being too quiet for his taste and there was a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, especially when he saw no color rising to her cheeks. On the contrary, she was as pale as wood ash.

The Headmaster glanced once more at the woman in question, but she kept scribbling away distractedly on the piece of parchment in her lap. Albus sighed softly and closed his eyes with a subtle nod. "I'm afraid something terrible has happened... again."

"Oh no..." Someone said from the back. It was Hagrid.

"This is a very delicate situation, my dear friends," the Headmaster continued, "so I must insist that you treat it as such. Xavier is... special."

"I-Is this the same kind of situation?" Another voice piped up timidly. "Did Mr. Michael really... again-"

"How dare you even think such a thing?"

This time it was Madam Pomfrey who said it and everyone stared at her in awe. She had been so quiet. They knew that it was her family they were discussing, but she was very closed off about her personal life. Everyone knew that.

"No one was accusing him, Poppy," McGonagall said gently. "We know Xavier was here at the castle over the break."

"Yes," Poppy nodded, eyes strangely large, staring around the room. "He was here. He was here with us. Not _there_."

The room went silent for a beat and looked at each other solemnly. Then Albus spoke again.

"It wasn't a matter of homicide," he said softly, tentatively... "It was a... Well, I'm afraid it was a matter of taking one's life."

Hagrid let out a sound of panic and protest, but the headmaster held up a hand and Madam Pomfrey looked away and out of the window behind him.

"No, no... Xavier is fine, Hagrid," Albus continued and his eyes seemed to gleam with unshed tears of sadness. "It was his mother."

The whole room let out subtle gasps and a few whispers. It didn't last very long, though. Dumbledore's raised hand silenced them again.

Snape tightened his grip on the arm of his chair and looked sideways at his colleague from the Hospital Wing, but she was staring at her parchment again. What the hell happened? Poppy's sister-? Xavier Michael's mother-? She had... killed herself?

"How... How could something like this happen?" Professor Sprout asked in bewilderment.

Albus opened his mouth to speak, but Madam Pomfrey beat him to it. "Because she was a selfish bitch!"

"Poppy..." Albus warned sadly.

"Oh, Albus, please don't step around me so lightly! Polly made her decision! She chose to be with that bastard over her own child! That... That sweet boy... and he hasn't got a-a mother or a f-father now-" She couldn't go on. She was beginning to cry and, in turn, Hagrid was already sobbing in the back. Poppy wiped her face and stood, turning toward him. "Dearest man, stop that blubbering," she said through her own tears and began to make her way between the other teachers and staff to get to him. "X needs you right now."

"But h-he hasn't c-come ter see me-" Hagrid sputtered out through his spit and enormous tears. "I wondered if summin was wrong-"

"Come on now," she wiped at her eyes again, as she stepped to the front of the monstrous man. "You're going to get everyone worked up. Let's go, let's go..."

Hagrid nodded and then they left the office together, quite abruptly, but appropriately. Everyone else watched them go and then turned to look at the Headmaster again. Snape was pretty sure Poppy's sudden interest in comforting Hagrid mostly stemmed from her urgency to get away from everyone's prying and pitying eyes. He couldn't blame her. Her sister had just killed herself- and over Christmas break, no less. She must have been going through a flurry of emotions (most of which seemed to be anger). He also couldn't blame her there. Suicide was the most selfish act of them all...

"Albus..." Professor McGonagall said quietly, yet still keeping her voice fairly level. "Did she leave a note?"

If it was possible for Albus Dumbledore to look anymore full of regret, Snape thought he may waste away because of it. He looked as if he may not even be able to say it...

"Unfortunately, yes," he said with just the tiniest hint of anger, as well, "And it is for that reason that we must take care to be very gentle with the boy and not let this bit of information slip."

"What did it say?" Snape suddenly barked out.

Albus turned his eyes on the man, blinking slowly, keeping his cool. "'I cannot live with what he did'... That is what she wrote... _That_ is how she felt about her son."

Snape clucked his tongue in distaste and looked away from the Headmaster.

_Bitch..._

"And Xavier _must not_ find out."

 _Of course not_ , Severus thought to himself. _Mr. Michael would be stupid enough to believe it was actually his fault, not to mention there's no telling how he would react... Although..._ Snape sighed, trying not to think too hard on the matter, _he probably already knows why she did it..._

"One more thing before you all go back to your duties for the day," Albus spoke, bringing them all back down to Earth.

"If it's more bad news, I'd just prefer not to hear it, thank you," said professor Trelawny, quite unforgivingly.

Everyone sheepishly nodded in agreement.

"No, no," Albus smiled and then looked at the Potions professor. "It is only bad news for one."

Snape looked back at him with slightly wider eyes.

"Happy Birthday, Severus."

* * *

Lately, there wasn't a moment Lucinda wasn't with Tristin. She slept in her own bed, in her own dormitory, but she ate with him in the Great Hall (sometimes even at the Slytherin table, if he so wished it), she was walked to her classes by him (or some might say she was "escorted") and he even took her into the Slytherin common room during her free time in the evenings. He was a Prefect, so no one else in the House questioned this. The only time she wasn't with him was during his own lessons (and hers). There were times he picked her up early from Potions, but that was the only exception he made and Lucinda knew this was simply for aggravating Severus and also to keep her from speaking to the man at the end of lessons (although, she wouldn't have anyway). The boy had been very watchful of her; _skeptical_ , you might say. It was for good reason, seeing as he'd caught her in a full-on, lip-locked, make-out session with their professor over Christmas break. She couldn't blame him for being controlling of her now. At least... that's what she kept telling herself.

This was the only way she was going to get through the rest of the school year without completely losing her mind. She had to fool herself and everyone else into thinking that everything was normal and fine; that she was happily dating Tristin Samael and that he was as kind and charming as ever. She thought it would be hard, but it wasn't... Because he made it easy.

He didn't harm her again after the brief hair-yanking incident outside the Great Hall. For the most part, he was back to the way he'd always been. It was deceiving. Especially since he now rarely let her out of his sight and it was because of this that she was so thoroughly perplexed as to why he suddenly allowed her to leave his side.

Tristin told her that he had some matters to take care of on this particular day and that he'd see her that evening. He left her where they'd been standing, one turn away from the Library Hall. He kissed her nose with the tenderness of a blowing leaf and threw her one last wink and then he was making his way down the hallway, away from her. Now she stood on the stairs, debating on what to do. It could be a trick, but he seemed honest and genuine about needing to tend to something. Lucinda decided to take the chance and carry on about her day as if things really were normal. This could be her only chance to _really_ talk to Aurora. They hadn't had much conversation in the last week, because classes kept them from speaking freely about certain things and then the Borealis girl was always in bed by the time Lucinda got there (as was mostly everyone in Gryffindor tower at midnight). Maybe this could be her moment to explain things. Maybe Rorie would offer her some comforting words, or at least make light of the situation somehow...

But Aurora wasn't in Gryffindor tower when she got there. Lucinda sat down on her bed in disappointment and stared at her open trunk below the window. She hadn't been as orderly as she usually was with her clothes and potions supplies. They were bunched in piles that spilled out and onto the floor. The longer she stared at the mess, the more she thought about perhaps just tidying up in this rare instance of freedom. Maybe Aurora would show up later...

So, she began to fold her clothes and put her bottles of ingredients back in their rightful compartments and pouches. She was only a few minutes in when she shook out a shirt and something small and dark came tumbling out of it. She squeaked in alarm and flinched away from what she thought might be a spider, until she heard it hit the floorboards with a resounding _thwack_. _Not a spider,_ she thought gratefully, with a hand to her chest. She didn't really have a genuine fear of the tiny, hairy creatures, but she preferred not to have them flying at her.

Lucinda crouched down to retrieve the object, as it was now rolling past her feet, but her hand stopped short, as did her breath. Her eyes slowed to a crawl, mimicking the movements of the little, green bottle, as it settled just inches from her fingertips. It was the Kudu sap. Instantly, her thoughts turned from Aurora, to her potions professor... At no point had she actually forgotten about him. He was still there, in the back of her mind. He had to be, or else, why was she doing all of this? But she _had_ kept her thoughts of him at bay. It was hard enough in Potions with him. She had to focus on her work and distract herself with the tasks of each lesson in order to feel okay. When he wasn't around, Tristin was ironically her distraction. But now she was alone with her thoughts of him. The green bottle stared back at her, longingly.

She hadn't worked on the experiment since before Christmas break. Lucinda, of course, was no longer seeing Snape outside of the classroom (that was decided between the two of them, regardless of Tristin's wishes now), so the experiment had also ceased. What she wouldn't give to now have the distraction and contentment of working on a potion... But doing it in her dormitory was out of the question. If it was possible, she would have liked to simply keep working on the experiment herself in Snape's classroom. He had extra ingredients there (not to mention, a sink, additional supplies and emergency items). Would it be so bad if she went there while he wasn't? Maybe Tristin would even agree to it, as long as no contact was made with their professor...

Lucinda was on her feet again before she had a chance to change her mind, her Kudu sap in tow. As she made her way back downstairs, her heart began to thump a little louder in her chest. She was just going to take a peak. If he wasn't there, she'd do a little potion-brewing and then leave. If he was there, then she'd obviously turn heel and go back to her dormitory. It couldn't hurt to check. She needed this. She was nothing if she wasn't experimenting... So, she went.

* * *

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Aurora, love..." Tristin said calmly, almost pityingly.

"You and I both know what I saw on that porch. You really think I would hit a teacher over something they _said?"_

"I don't know what you would do," Aurora said even more calmly, though her palms started to slip with sweat against the book she was holding. "And I don't know what Lucy would do. She's living her own life and I'm living mine."

The Slytherin Prefect sighed gently and folded his hands in front of him on the table top across from the girl. She continued to look down at the pages of her book, ignoring him.

"Look, I know I've been a real ass lately," Tristin said quietly and Aurora finally glanced up at him. "But it's only because I'm so hurt by what happened..."

The silver-haired girl set her book down and glanced around the library, before leaning into the table more. "Tristin, Lucy is one of my best friends," she said in a whisper. "Because of that, I can't confirm nor deny anything, but I can listen. That's all I ever seem to do these days, anyway..." she added in a mumble.

Tristin watched her carefully. "I'm sorry I've been keeping her from you."

Aurora picked her book back up and shrugged. "She's been keeping herself from me."

"I just wanted to prove a point."

"Really?" She said condescendingly. "To whom?"

"To the both of them"

"I don't know what you're-"

"Talking about?" Tristin finished for her, smirking slightly. "Yes, I know, I know. Don't worry. I won't make you admit anything."

"Like you could, anyway." She said under her breath.

"Roriiie..." he sang, tapping his fingers on top of the table. "I'm not the enemy. You know that, don't you?"

Aurora was silent. No, he wasn't the enemy... But she didn't think he was the ally either. She wasn't sure what he was, anymore. He still seemed the same, but he _was_ controlling Lucinda's every move.

As if he read her mind, he then said, "I'm not going to keep making her stay away from everyone... besides Snape, anyway."

The girl looked up once more. "Why are you telling me all of this?" She asked honestly (maybe even a little exasperated). "If she wants to talk to me, she can. She doesn't need your permission."

"I know she doesn't need it..." he replied with a careless shrug. "But she does _want_ it."

"Are you so sure?" Aurora didn't know why she kept challenging him. Did she _want_ him to go blabbing to Dumbledore about this? Maybe a small part of her did. Maybe she was just that angry that Lucinda would be so stupid as to: one, cheat on her boyfriend and two, have a _fucking affair with her professor!_

"I'm pretty sure..." He replied, though he did so with a slight frown. In fact, his face seemed to turn further and further from a smile as they sat there.

Aurora shifted in her seat and then finally closed her book, setting it aside. "Of course, she does," she eventually said softly and folded her hands in front of her. "That's evident, since she's been hanging on your every move lately."

Tristin shook his head slightly. "That's just her guilt," he admitted bitterly. "She doesn't actually want to be with me."

Even though he'd been so controlling of her in the last week, Aurora still thought he was a better match for Lucinda than Snape. She wanted to trust her friend, but, honestly, her judgement thus far had been less than favorable. Aurora's own guilt bubbled up in her throat like acid, but she swallowed it back down. Forget what Lucy said. She didn't always know what was best. Right now, the best thing was for her to stay away from professor Snape. Being with Tristin would be better for her.

"Don't give up on her just yet," the girl found herself saying.

Tristin looked up from his lap and his eyes flashed. "Are you giving me your _blessing_ , Miss Borealis?"

Aurora shifted uncomfortably and laced her fingers together, staring down at them. "Just..." she said, even more uncomfortably. "Just keep her away from him."

He could have kissed her. He could have scooped her up in his arms and squeezed her 'til the life left her. Oh joyous day, the bitch of all bitches was on his side! And he didn't even have to _try! She already hated the hook-nosed wanker!_ Tristin had to breathe slowly to keep from laughing out loud. The corners of his mouth threatened to pull upwards in a deep grin and he fought to compose himself. He wasn't sure if whatever face he was making in the process was weirding the girl out, but she suddenly started to pack up her things, keeping her eyes on the floor.

"I've gotta get going now." She said in a rush, all the while the red hot guilt was boiling like lava in her stomach.

Tristin didn't even respond. He simply leaned back in his chair, folding his arms dreamily across his chest. He watched her scramble to put her book back in her bag and, in the process, something slipped out from inside her robes and clattered on the floor. The boy tilted his head curiously, a small smile involuntarily on his face. The smile went away instantly, though, the moment his eyes traveled to the silver and emeralds staring up at him from the floor. His eyes widened. His breath hitched. His arms came loose from their fold and swung limply on either side of his chair.

By this time, Aurora had bent over to pick the pendant back up, but she stopped with her slender fingers inches from it when she saw the look on his face.

"What?" She asked nervously.

"Where did you get that?" He blurted, instantly losing his composure and contented smile.

Aurora finished picking up the pendant and held it cupped in both hands. "This?" She nodded at the object in question.

"Yes, yes _that,"_ he said quickly, standing up. "Where did you get that? Why do you have it?"

The golden eyes of the girl shifted from the wide, dark ones in front of her, down to the snake of emeralds in her hands. Realization began to dawn...

* * *

A winter wind blew all the way through the castle, down into the dungeons and against the Potions classroom door. Lucinda felt it brush against her ankles and she shivered, not to mention, the slight rattle from the door made her jump. She looked up from her smoking cauldron and stared at the now unmoving door. She waited and listened, but there wasn't another sound. Perhaps all of this anxiety wasn't worth it...

Severus hadn't been in the classroom. Thank goodness. But he _had_ locked the door. She hadn't thought about this, before heading down there. And it wasn't as easy as a simple "Alohomora" to unlock it. No, he had also put a spoken password on the entrance. Luckily, she knew the one phrase no one else would think to try... "Gryffindor Girl". The door unlocked. She went inside and her sadness over her professor loomed ever darker.

Now she was nearly finished experimenting, because the fear of him showing up was too much to bare. Her heart rattled away in her throat and she could hardly concentrate anyway. She shouldn't have bothered. It was a pointless risk. She would feel better if she could ask his permission first and then she'd be sure he wouldn't randomly show up and risk getting her into trouble with Tristin (and actually, she should have talked to Tristin about it first). Merlin's Beard, what the hell was she thinking?

With her mind made up _again,_ she began to pack up her things. She took her ruined potion to the sink and poured it out. It hissed and sizzled down the drain. Lucinda stood there longer than she needed to. She sighed and turned the water on, rinsing out her cauldron and squeezing her eyes shut to fight back the tears stinging them. _Come on, get ahold of yourself,_ she thought, mentally shaking herself. _It isn't all that bad. There's just half a year left._ She didn't need the experiments. She could finish the year doing her school work and that's it. The Kudu sap experiment was nothing more than a deeply buried ruse to be near her professor, anyway. She had to realize that. Did she really think coming to his classroom was a good idea? And that she hadn't actually been _disappointed_ that he wasn't there? Stupid. She was so _stupid!_

Lucinda pulled the cauldron from the sink and set it on the floor. Then she rinsed the sink again for good measure, while she shook her head. _Stop it, stop it._ She was never going to do this again. It was a mistake. Everything felt wrong, anyway. When she shut the water off, she paused a moment. Lucinda leaned forward and sniffed. There were fumes or something coming up from the drain. They smelled earthy and pungent and sort of sweet. Sort of like... cinnamon. She didn't remember the potion smelling that way, but maybe she hadn't realized it til now. Maybe the residue from someone else's potion in the drains had reacted with hers and caused the sudden aroma. Either way, it made her heart pick up speed again, as it smelled just like-

"What are you doing in here?"

Goosebumps erupted across every inch of her like electricity and she jumped violently, smacking the top of her head on the faucet (as she'd still been bent over the sink). Lucinda brought her hands up to her throbbing head as she turned around, but her vision went black. She swayed and arms reached out to steady her.

"Are you alright?" said his voice. "Lucinda?"

The girl blinked and shook her head, placing a hand out to hold onto the nearest table. "Oh-h-h man, that hurt," she said breathlessly, feeling the pain coursing through her whole face. "I-I'm sorry. I was just leaving."

"Were you... working on a potion?" She heard him ask and there was no denying who the voice belonged to. _Great..._

Lucinda felt his hands still on her, keeping her upright. She shook them off and blinked again and this time her vision began to clear. His face started to come into view. Before she was able to see the look in his eyes, she turned away from him. "I'm alright, professor," she mumbled quickly and bent down to gather up the cauldron. "I was just doing a little potion brewing in here, because it's too dangerous to do it in my dormitory. I'm sorry I came in without permission-"

"It's alright," he said too quickly. "You can use the room whenever you'd like."

Lucinda bit back a smile and put her book from the table into the clean cauldron, along with her other ingredients and kept her gaze pointed in the general direction of the floor. She could see him out of the corner of her eye, though. He stood only a foot away from her. She could smell him. She tried to breathe through her mouth, while she attempted to walk past him. "Thank you," she responded to his offer and dipped her head down as she went around him as quickly as possible, trying not to trip on the way, "but I won't be back."

She made it as far as the front row of tables and Snape suddenly threw himself between her and the classroom door. She didn't know how he'd gotten there so fast. It's like he appeared there out of nowhere. She stumbled back a step and involuntarily looked him in the eye. He tried to hold her gaze and she struggled to leave it. Lucinda tore her eyes away from his and settled them on a brightly colored package she'd only just realized was under one of his arms. The sudden absurdity of it released her briefly from her composure and she parted her lips in a questioning stance... then she went ahead and questioned.

"What's that?" She asked in curious innocence and Snape felt his heart squeeze at the beautiful tone.

"Nothing," he mumbled, hitching it tighter into his armpit.

"It doesn't look like nothing," she tilted her head, thoughtfully.

"It's a gift from Dumbledore," he said quickly and tapped his foot in agitation. "Why won't you look at me?"

Lucinda was silent. She continued to stare at the colorful wrapping paper and the flourish of a bow on top. Then, to Severus' relief and astonishment, she looked at him again.

"Is it your birthday?" She asked, hardly containing the smile in her voice.

The potions master sighed in annoyance and tossed the dreadful package toward his desk without watching where it was going. It landed neatly in the center of it with a solid _thump._ "Perhaps it is," he snapped, but his eyes never left hers. "What are you doing?"

Lucinda looked confused and then glanced down at the cauldron hanging from her arm. "I told you I was just-"

"Damn it, Lucinda," he barked, but he did so a little quieter, glancing behind him in the process (although there was nothing he could see through his closed classroom door). "I'm talking about with that bastard of a student! _Why_ are you still seeing him?!"

The pleasant curiosity left her dark eyes and she looked away from him again. "That's none of your business-"

"For _Merlin's sake!_ " He snapped again and tried to reach for her, but she backed away from him.

"Please, let me leave," she said quietly. "I need to get back to my dormitory."

"Stop this nonsense!"

"We agreed we wouldn't even be friends when we came back," she whispered, shoulders drawn up in a defensive stance.

"What does that have to do with you dating Samael?!" he thundered, unable to contain his fury.

Lucinda opened her mouth to tell him to lower his voice, but instead was met with a deafening crash from above that nearly shook her off her feet. Snape threw his arms over her out of reflex and Lucinda let go of her cauldron to cover her head. She screamed as the walls, ceiling and floor vibrated with a violent tremor, while Snape flicked his wand at his desk and it slid across the room, over the top of them, shielding them from anything that might fall. They stayed crouched under the desk until everything was silent again and then Snape slowly raised himself off of her.

"Are you alright?" He asked her for the second time that day.

Lucinda stared back at him, wide-eyed, but she nodded. "I'm fine," she said shakily. "Was that an earthquake?"

Snape shook his head and peered out from beneath the desk. "No," he said, dark eyebrows knit together in concentration. "I don't know _what_ that was..."

* * *

Tristin whistled as he walked. This was just too good. His luck couldn't be _that_ perfect. There was just no way. This was _fate; a_ bsolutely and completely... and Lucy was going to see that, too. Hell, she might even agree to anything with this. Tristin felt in his pocket for the pendant. Oh it felt cool and exciting to the touch. How many times had he watched pathetic and scrawny Severus Snape stroking and ogling at it in the Slytherin common room for the short time that they were classmates? He could never forget that pendant. He'd seen it nearly everyday, for two years. He might have only been eleven or twelve at the time, but he remembered.

So, I guess you could understand his shock upon overhearing Lucinda's whopper of a story about a pendant that she'd lost when _she_ was eleven; one that she described in exactly the way Severus' pendant had looked and (would you believe it!) she had also lost it the _exact same year_ that Snape acquired it. How interesting! How peculiar! How frick-frackin, lip-smackin AMAZING! Oh, the joy. Oh, the _redemption;_ the luck, the _revenge!_ He had everything now. He couldn't lose. It truly wasn't fair... to anyone else, that is. It was quite fair on his side of the field. Everything was fair on _his_ side...

It was quite easy convincing Aurora to hand it over to him, too. In all honesty, he hardly had to lift a finger. He didn't even have to say, "could I have that?" She already assumed it was his! HAHA! How _could_ it be any easier?!

Tristin skipped once and couldn't help the toothy grin on his face as he flounced down the hall.

Aurora had found it outside of Lucinda's, but he _knew_ Lucinda didn't have another one, because she would have been wearing it then. And who else had been at her house? Oh, just a certain professor who happened to have a pendant _identical_ to hers!

 _Or should I say..._ her _pendant! Haha!_ Tristin sang it around and around in his head. He was flying high. He thought he might burst straight through the ceiling and float into the sky. _Oh, utter perfection. Oh, blessed pendant. Oh, poor, poor professor Snape! HAHA!_

Tristin turned another corner and almost ran directly into a girl with long, black hair. "Oh!" he exclaimed, though his face was still frozen in a lunatic grin. "Dearest cousin, Amph!"

The girl composed herself and turned hardened eyes on the exuberant boy. "What are you so happy about?" she asked dryly, eyes narrowing.

"I can't tell you!" he laughed. "It's a _secret..."_ He suddenly added in a whisper and a wink.

Amphetia's eyes widened and hardened more. "What have you d-" she began to say, but she was cut off by a loud crash that came from nowhere in particular. She let out a yelp and stared wildly around as the hallway walls shook and the portraits shuddered around them. Before either one of them could comment on what just happened, someone crashed between the two of them, running at a frightening speed.

"MOVE!" the girl yelled as she passed.

It was Aurora... and she didn't stop running until she was out of sight.


	34. Pensieve

It was the first moment he'd gotten her alone...

Severus had spent the last week trying several times to speak with her, but she always left his class early or wandered off out of the Great Hall with Samael Scum during meals before he had a chance to. If it was under any other circumstance, he would have stopped it immediately. Hell, even if it was just him who would've caught hell over someone finding out about them, he would have intervened... but he didn't want anything happening to her. That's what made the situation so frustrating: if that vile Slytherin Prefect opened his mouth and told anyone what he saw on New Year's Eve, Lucinda would be the one having to pay the price. Snape could handle it. He'd been through much worse, but Lucinda... Lucinda would not survive it. So, when she left his class those few times, he did nothing. He watched the disgusting way the boy put his arm around her shoulders every chance he got and he didn't say a word. But now he could... Now they were alone.

He was more than surprised to see her in his classroom, especially during a free period, much less to find her working on a potion. He briefly wondered if she was trying to make up the ones that she'd ruined because of her sudden disappearances, but he quickly realized that was not it. He glanced at the table behind her, as she bent over the sink, rinsing it. The ingredients were unmistakably for her experimental potion. He recognized the pennyroyal and the bottle of Kudu sap. This also led him to wonder if she'd tried to use it yet and at what effect it had, had on the concoction... Realizing she was alone, at last, and that it might not be for long, Severus quickly walked up behind her while the running water masked his footsteps.

The events that transpired afterward were not exactly how he thought their first meeting alone would go...

He startled her, she hit her head and then he touched her again for the first time since New Year's Day. Everything came flooding back as he gripped her shoulders, trying to keep her steady as she swayed. She tried to leave quickly. He stopped her. He yelled, no longer able to pretend none of this bothered him. He had to know why- _why_ she was still going to be with that insolent boy. And she might have told him. He might have heard the truth, the _real truth_ from her in the next moment, had it not been for the crash.

They were sheltered under his desk and everything had gone quiet again.

"Are you alright?" he asked her, briefly searching her face, checking for cuts or bruises of any kind, even though he knew he'd thrown himself over her before anything could have possibly hit her. Honestly, nothing seemed to fall, except maybe a few bits of dust and plaster from the ceiling.

Lucinda stared at him with wide eyes. "I'm fine... Was that an earthquake?"

He would have been pleased that she was actually looking at him and speaking to him, but right now they had more important things to worry about. "No," he replied and stared out from beneath the desk. "I don't know _what_ that was..."

Lucinda started to get out from her crouched position first, but Snape held his arm out across the opening to stop her.

"Wait." He said.

Lucinda looked at him sideways. "What if it happens again?"

"That is precisely why I don't want you to move yet," he said quietly and dropped his arm back down. There wasn't a look he couldn't decipher at this distance. They were too close together. Their shins touched as they sat with their legs pulled up, knees under their chins, facing each other. Lucinda continued to hesitate and Snape saw the weary look on her delicate features, as she stared just to the left of him. It wasn't because of the crash from above... it was because she didn't want to be near him. He could see it in that bit of hesitation and the anxiety in her eyes. "You're not that great of an actress, are you?" He suddenly asked aloud the question that he'd only thought to himself.

Lucinda snapped her eyes back up to his face. She expected his eyebrows to be raised in curiosity, but they weren't. They were drawn together in what could only be described as absolute regret and hurt. "I..." she began and wrinkled her nose in disgust at herself, but continued anyway, casting her eyes away from his again. "I want to be with Tristin."

Snape closed his own eyes and slowly leaned his head back against the underside of the desk. He breathed in deep and sighed just as much, bringing a hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose. "Do not lie to me," he said.

Lucinda wished he wouldn't sound so hurt. It would be better if he were angry... It would make this easier. "Professor Snape..." she said quietly and kept her voice from wavering in the slightest. "I know we shared a moment together at my home... but..." She _wasn't_ that great of an actress, but all she had to be was good enough. "But, I've made my decision," she continued gently. "I care about you, but... but I care about Tristin... more."

Another moment passed and Snape hadn't moved or responded. He couldn't believe it. He _refused_ to believe it. So he told her as such.

"I don't believe you," he said, sounding more tired than anything else.

"That's fine if you don't believe me," she continued in her soft and understanding voice. "I just ask that you respect my decision and leave me be about it, please..." Her sentence lingered there. Lucinda eventually trailed her eyes back up to his face, because he hadn't responded. She fought to keep her composure as she saw the look in his darkened hues.

"I won't believe it," he said barely above a whisper and his voice shook slightly. "You look me right in the eye and tell me that you are choosing Tristin Samael and that we will _never_ have a future together..."

There was only so much she could lie. There was only so far she could take it, because if she committed to that statement, then there was the chance he really wouldn't want her in the future. There was a chance he would actually forget about her and move on. Did she really want to protect his integrity more than her own happiness... and possibly more than his?

"I already told you what I wanted," she settled on saying and was horrified that she could hear the obvious doubt in her own voice.

Snape's face didn't change in the slightest. He wanted a definitive answer from her. "Say it then," he seethed through clenched teeth, holding her gaze with a smoldering resolution.

She guiltily felt a twinge of relief at his growing agitation and it gave her that last little push she needed to complete this manifestation of uncertainty within him. "Severus..." Lucinda said back to him, pulling every ounce of honesty from her veins that she could and showing it plainly on her face for him to see and scrutinize, "...I want-" _to leave_ "-Tristin. I care about you-" _more than you'll ever know_ "-but I've come to realize that I love..." Lucinda paused and swallowed the lump forming in her throat. Snape watched her carefully, but he also seemed to be holding his breath. "I realize now that I... I love-" _you_ "-Tristin." She was going to say something more than that, but thought better of it. This should be fine; no need to complicate things further with anymore explanation. _Besides..._ Lucinda thought with a painful spasm from her chest. _It looks as if you've believed me now, anyway..._

Snape _had_ been holding his breath and he continued to hold it even after she stopped talking. She had done what he asked: she never looked away from him (even now, she was still watching him) and she had told him exactly what he didn't want to hear... but she did so with an honest voice. Well, that was that. Snape let his breath back out, slow and steady. The rejection had come. At least she looked sorry about it. If he was still just a kid, he might have been more hurt about it, but he was a grown man and he would act as such. He was the first to break their eye contact as he looked out from under the desk once more, making sure nothing else moved around the classroom.

"Alright," he said and abruptly began to get out from under the desk.

Lucinda felt relief and disappointment all at once, but she went ahead and shifted her legs as much as she could to allow him to move past her. As he bent forward to brace his hands on the cold floor, his face came close to hers. And he really was just going to ignore it and stand up, but she'd spoken the moment their cheeks nearly touched.

"Are you really not mad?" she asked tentatively and he froze.

His arms shook slightly with the weight of him, but he stayed like that. He didn't want to look at her. He could keep his cool if they had even a few inches between them, but the moment he allowed himself to be this close to her is when he would lose his sobriety. He had to continue his ascent to his feet. "No, I am not mad," he said quickly and braced against the floor, once more, shifting one foot underneath him for leverage. He pushed up, but was instantly pulled back down again by her hand in his shirt front. He had to quickly press one hand on the wall of the desk behind her head to keep from toppling over on her. He could feel the waving ends of her hair tickling his fingers.

"Then please give me the same respect and look me in the eye when you say it," she said.

Snape sighed in frustration. Why was she doing this? No, he wasn't mad. He was very, _very_ fucking disappointed in her idiotic decision. But what could he do? He pulled back far enough to do as she asked. In doing it, they were nearly nose to nose. He tried pulling back further than that, but the top of his head bumped softly against the underside of the desk. His arm shook next to her head, but she didn't seem fazed. She was just watching him, waiting for his response.

Snape let the air out of his nose in another great sigh of agitation and Lucinda felt the warmth of it spread over her chin and throat. "If you're really not mad..." she started, glancing down the length of his nose to his lips and back up to his eyes.

"I am _not mad._ " He reiterated firmly and tried desperately to ignore where her eyes had traveled. "I just absolutely _hate_ this," he continued, feeling that angry edge come back into his voice. "I hate everything about this. I won't pretend that your decision doesn't affect me and I won't pretend to be understanding about it. I _won't."_

Lucinda opened her mouth to answer, but couldn't. What could she say? She couldn't blame him for how he felt. Lucinda turned her face away from him and sighed. "Alright," she echoed his word.

"And there's a part of me that-no matter what you say," he suddenly continued, "I will never believe your words."

Lucinda turned her head straight again to look at him, but he must have moved a fraction closer, because the tip of her nose grazed his. She breathed in slowly and held it.

He should have ignored her and continued on his way. He did this on purpose. Somewhere inside him, he knew he wasn't strong enough to not touch her at this close proximity.

"You have to back up," she whispered.

He felt her proclamation warm his lips. "I can't..." he confessed deftly and pressed further against her. "Because your lips can lie," he said brushing his against hers, "but your kiss cannot."

Because she had nowhere to go, Lucinda put her hands up between them and pushed against his chest. "Shouldn't we be finding out what that loud crash was?" She asked, trying to redirect his thoughts.

"That can wait," he said offhand and continued to try and connect his lips with hers.

"Are you really trying to force this on me?" She suddenly asked, voice cracking slightly.

Snape stopped his advances instantly and stared into her eyes. _Fuck._ She actually looked a little scared. He only wanted to kiss her once more. She'd never be able to fool him in a kiss. He knew what they had the moment her lips touched his and it wasn't even that first kiss on her porch... It was the kiss on his bed when she was drunk. He felt it then. He ignored it, because... well... she was _drunk._

"I'm sorry," he sighed in defeat and pulled back, putting that inch between them again. "I would never do such a thing. And I could never ask you to, just to prove a point."

"What, that you've read into some kiss?" Lucinda asked with her brows raised in pity.

_Wait a minute... pity?_

Snape hardened his stare again. "I didn't read into anything," he snapped and looked her face up and down.

"I responded to your touch, professor Snape," Lucinda stated boldly, "not you."

"Why are you saying that?" He asked in such a way that sounded like he thought she was truly crazy. "You know damn well that isn't true."

"It is," she continued, her hands still pressing on his chest, although he couldn't get any further away from her. "It was new and unexpected. _Anyone_ would have responded that way."

"You are so far in denial- nothing I say will make a difference, right?" He asked in disbelief.

Lucinda shook her head and kept her gaze unchanged.

Snape waited a moment longer and then he abruptly grasped her chin with the hand he didn't have braced on the desk wall behind her. "Then forgive me for this."

Lucinda gasped and squeezed her eyes and lips tightly shut, before he had a chance to descend upon her.

"L-Lucinda-" he stammered and shook her chin a little. "Just... let me..." he said, struggling to close the distance between them.

She pushed harder against his chest and mumbled through her lips, "Hm-m!"

Snape lost his patience. "If-If you don't let me do this, then you're just proving to me that you're afraid the kiss will mean something!"

Then Lucinda lost her own patience. "A kiss like this could never mean something, whether I wanted it or not!"

That was good enough for him. He was a piece of shit anyway. He used her moment of hesitation and kissed her, full on and open-mouthed. And he was right. She kissed him back almost instantly. Her hands stopped their refusal of him and dropped back to her sides. Then her lips moved in unison with his. _Thank Merlin,_ Severus thought. _This proves it. She doesn't love him. She loves m-_

Snape suddenly stopped. At first he thought it was his own body just completely disregarding his brain and trying to act on its own to correct the situation, but then he realized he couldn't move at all. Movements had ceased altogether and they didn't start again. He was paralyzed. With growing horror, Snape realized that Lucinda's hand was raised beside him and within it, she had her wand pointed at him.

Lucinda slowly pulled her chin out of his petrified grasp with a wince. Before she ducked under his arm, she gave him an apologetic look. "I wasn't lying," She whispered. "I care very much about you, but my choice is _Tristin._ Please don't do this again. I can't bare to see you like this." Then she untangled herself from beneath him and crawled out from under the desk.

Snape could do nothing, but stare at the spot where she once was. He couldn't turn his head to watch her go. He crouched there like an idiot, because she'd jinxed him. He listened to her pick her cauldron back up and walk to the classroom door. He wanted to stop her. He wanted to scream at her. He listened to her leave and then shut the door behind her and then (only then) did she release him from the petrified stance he was in.

Snape suddenly slumped forward and slammed his fist into the wood of the desk. _"Fuck!_ " He exclaimed in anger. What was it? Was it the age thing? Was it the teacher/student thing? He already told her he wouldn't pursue her until she wasn't his student anymore.

Snape put a hand to his forehead.

Well, he'd just fucked that up right then and there. He'd already tried to kiss her and she'd tried everything to stop him. She even had to resort to using her _wand_ on him... What kind of human being was he? He wasn't one at all. His actions were inexcusable. He tried to weasel a confession out of her and it didn't work. Didn't that mean she honestly didn't want to be with him? Even in the bathroom at her house, she had hesitated. She never said yes. She never said "Yes, let's be together after I graduate." As far as he was concerned, she had never once even told him that she _liked_ him! She cared for him? _Cared for him?_ That was his answer, right there! As a dear friend is wont to do, she _cared_ for him... but that did not mean she _wanted_ him. It was Lily all over again. Had he no shame? Did he not do a bit of growing up in the last few years?

The potions master finally left the under-confinements of his desk and straightened up to his feet. He moved things back to how they were and picked the present up off of the floor, as it had flown through the air upon moving the desk earlier. He sat down in his chair, placing the gift in front of him. Then he was still and silent for a while, consumed by his own guilty thoughts.

She was right, of course. He could not do this again. If he didn't stop soon, this really would end up like Lily. He would lose his chance at her affections, but worst of all, he would end up losing his best friend. He didn't want Lucinda to grow to hate him; to resent him. It was killing him to know that she didn't choose him, but a worse fate would be losing her completely; to have her believe him to be an evil man and nothing more. This was the last straw. He never wanted her to look at him that way again. Damned his pride and his hatred for Samael. He would not let this ruin them. If he was able to (and he had a feeling it would be very difficult, after everything that had happened) he would tell Lucinda that enough was enough and that he gave in. He just wanted her to be happy and to not completely cease contact with him...

But even as he thought it, he mentally backed up again.

No, no, no. He must do nothing at all. If he really wanted to show Lucinda that he understood her wishes, he needed to back off; keep an eye on her, but back off completely. He didn't trust Samael. He truly was scum, but... so far, he hadn't seemed to harm her in any way. He was a manipulative bastard and untrustworthy, but he always treated the girl kindly as far as Snape could see. It physically made him want to vomit thinking even a single kind thought about the Slytherin prefect, so he decided to stop thinking about him altogether. He didn't think Lucinda should be with him, but it was what she wanted. Snape would just have to sit back and watch... and wait.

He let out a breath of annoyance and looked down at the package in front of him. Albus usually didn't buy him something so formally wrapped. Maybe it was expensive... He tore the paper off and underneath was nothing more than a plain, brown, cardboard box. He was weary only for a moment, because the Headmaster was very mischievous sometimes and often his sense of humor was... questionable. Deciding that the old man wasn't likely to give him anything that would harm him, Severus opened the box and looked inside.

After a moment of simply staring at the thing, he said aloud to himself, "Oh."

Maybe Dumbledore's intentions for the potions master were spot on, after all. All previous plans of what he was going to do about Lucinda were suddenly solved by one simple thing.

" _Pensieve..._ " He whispered.

* * *

_Well that was unexpected._ Thought Aurora, as she watched Tristin Samael leave the library. The pendant had been his all along. It was obvious, once she saw the look on his face. He was a Slytherin, after all. That pendant didn't belong in the hands of a Gryffindor, given what it was... She thought it was best it was gone.

Aurora hiked her bag higher up on her shoulder and glanced out the window, before turning to leave the library. However, she spun back around and pressed her hands and nose to the glass after realizing she couldn't have seen what she thought she'd just seen. The girl's golden eyes sparkled with fear upon recognizing the back of someone's orange head dipping out of sight.

"What?" she said to herself, as her eyes scanned over the hardened surface of the Black Lake below. Had she really seen him? Was this just a trick of the mind? Frost on the window and a beam of sunlight? What was it? Because it couldn't have been him. The whole lake was frozen over. There weren't any ripples anywhere and the spot she'd _thought_ she'd seen him was... was... "Oh no..." she said. Then Aurora fled the library as fast as she could.

The crash came not long after that, but she didn't stop running. She just prayed that someone had somehow already gotten there before her.

* * *

"What's going on?"

Lucinda had reached the entrance hall to find it filled with students talking animatedly and staring out of the oak front doors. They all had wide eyes and shook their heads.

"Someone drowned," said a 6th year girl to her right. "Pretty sure they're dead..."

" _What?_ " Lucinda gasped and tried to push through the crowd to see out the doors, as well. "Who is it?" She stared around at anyone who would listen. "Can you guys see anything?"

"Aurora Borealis is out there!" Someone else yelled and Lucinda's heart sped up.

"No-!" she said disbelieving and struggled frantically to push through the rest of the students. "Move-move-move!" She cried and broke through the edge of the crowd and into the chilling air outside. She didn't even think twice about it. She ran in just her school robes. No coat, no scarf, no boots. Her sneakers slid against the icy snow as she sprinted across the grounds; her cauldron of potion ingredients lay forgotten and strewn about behind her. Aurora hadn't been in the dormitory. She should have gone to look for her. She should have been a better friend and looked for her. Now... Now what if she...

A few people came into view ahead, just on the outer edge of the Black Lake. Lucinda instantly recognized Hagrid's huge form, but he blocked whoever else was in front of him. Lucinda kept running. She saw feet lying in the snow and she saw Madam Pomfrey on her knees beside them. She was about to yell out in panic, but then the silver hair of her friend appeared there beside the Hospital Wing nurse. Aurora was sitting upright. She was fine. Relief like no other coursed through the Gryffindor Girl. Lucinda was almost to them when she heard Aurora suddenly sob.

"I-It's too late! He was in there too long!"

Lucinda's strides slowed as she made her way around the other side of Hagrid and that's when she saw-

"X!" Aurora cried with her hands on his face. "Wake up, wake up!"

Lucinda stared down in horror at the boy. He was completely blue and unmoving and his fiery hair was plastered to his forehead, covering one of his closed eyes. Hagrid wailed next to her and Madam Pomfrey had her wand out, pointed at Xavier's water-logged chest.

"Oh my god..." Lucinda said shakily, now disbelieving that this was happening to a different friend of hers.

Aurora looked up at her. "Lucy-" she choked and fresh tears poured down her perfectly creamy cheeks. "I tried to save him. I tried, but I didn't know h-how-"

"Stop it!" Madam Pomfrey snapped, suddenly, still concentrating on her wand and the Hufflepuff's chest. "He isn't gone! I can save him!"

Aurora didn't seem to hear her, as she just continued to cry and hold the boy's face. All Lucinda could do was watch in horror. More guilt filled up inside her, as she thought about her "gift" with water manipulation. She couldn't control it. If she could control it, she could probably help to get the water out of his lungs. Knowing her, she'd end up boiling it inside of him and kill him faster. The boy stayed still and no breath escaped him. As dread began to sink in, Lucinda looked away, as tears pricked her eyes. _This can't happen_ , she thought erratically, staring out across the Black Lake, which had a huge hole now in the surface. Whoever blasted into the ice must have done so with incredible strength if it shook the whole school (as she now realized the explosion came from here).

"It's too late... It's just too late." She heard Aurora continuing to chant softly to herself between sobs.

Lucinda listened to their cries and watched as the exterior of the lake shuddered. Then she saw a monstrous tentacle lift out of the water and come back down to smack hard onto the surface. It sent a deafening crack through the air, rumbling the ground beneath them. It also caused Poppy Pomfrey's wand hand to accidentally jerk upwards. They all watched, terrified, as Xavier's limp body arched and a spout of water erupted from between his lips. Then the boy was suddenly coughing and Aurora quickly pulled on one of his shoulders to tilt him onto his side.

"X!" she cried in excitement and relief.

"Agh-" Xavier groaned and coughed more, as dingy lake water dribbled from his chin.

Lucinda and Hagrid joined the others in kneeling next to the Hufflepuff boy, with the giant of a man transitioning his wails of anguish into cries of joy. Lucinda wiped at her own eyes and smiled in relief. "Xavier!" she exclaimed and patted on his back along with Aurora, making sure all of the water was out. "Are you alright?"

Aurora wiped the wet hair from his forehead and stared closely at his face. "Yes," she said. "I-I think he's alright. X? Are you okay?"

Xavier Michael cracked an eye open and stared into the golden irises of the Borealis girl. His lips parted in confusion, but before long he sighed.

"Well, shit..." he said. "Must be my lucky day in Heaven if they've got you here."

Everyone laughed loudly, overcome with the joy of Xavier already being... well, _Xavier_. Everyone except Madam Pomfrey, that is. She had flopped back into the snow upon seeing that he was alright and now stared up into the sky that was orange and grey with the approaching hour of dusk. She sent many silent prayers up into the atmosphere; prayers that were thankful and grateful, but also prayers that begged for a break from these incessant heart-attack-worthy events. The boy was now all she had left and she swore to whatever god was up there that she would take care of him from now on. She would stop the distancing. She would be kind to him. She would laugh and talk with him and she would never leave him like his mother did...

* * *

Aurora walked with Madam Pomfrey and Hagrid to take X to the Hospital Wing, much to the boy's annoyance.

"I'm fine, PomPom-" Xavier said, trying to shrug off all their helping hands, "-lay off, already!"

He, of course, went with them, but Lucinda had a feeling it was only because Aurora was devoting so much of her attention to him. The boy could hardly contain his smile even _while_ he complained.

Lucinda would have liked to go with them, but she ran into Tristin on their way back into the castle and she thought it best not to push her luck with him. The two of them left the entrance hall together and he even carried her cauldron for her (after she'd retrieved it and its contents from the snow). As expected, he commented on it.

"I kind of wanted to continue experimenting with that one potion I'd been working on before..." she said slowly, wondering how he was going to respond.

To her surprise, he looked ahead of them thoughtfully and then nodded. "Sure, sure," he said and gave the cauldron a little swing around his wrist. "As long as you no longer do it in the potions classroom."

Lucinda chewed her lip, debating on whether or not to press the issue or even continue discussing it. She decided to push a _little_ further... "Right, I totally understand," she said and glanced sideways at him. He was smiling at her. It was a little unnerving, but she continued, "I mean, I would rather _not_ do it there, but-um... Well, it's just more convenient to do it where I have a sink and all the extra supplies and ingredients and instruments I could possibly need..." She trailed off and mentally kicked herself. She should have waited and brought it up while they were being intimate, instead. Maybe then he would obviously be in a fantastic mood and possibly be more forgiving.

"Hmm..." he narrowed his black eyes at her. "I don't like it, Morgan. You just want to be near Snape."

Lucinda instantly shook her head. "No. I promise you, it is just for the room. He will not be in there when I am."

Tristin stopped walking abruptly and stooped down to stare her in the face. "What are you trying to pull, here?" He asked, voice instantly turning to venom. "Did you _discuss_ this with him or something? If you were going to ask my permission, then why were you already walking around with this-" (he jangled the cauldron noisily in her face) "-and why does it seem like you've already made up your mind?"

She shouldn't have said anything. _Why_ had she even tried to work on a potion without consulting him first? Now he was getting pissed off. He had just started to trust her enough to leave her alone for a little while and she'd gone and ruined it!

"Tristin," Lucinda said quietly and glanced up and down the hall. It seemed everyone was still downstairs, gossiping about what happened in the Black Lake. "Can we talk privately?"

He continued to glare down at her, but he led them across the hall, into an empty classroom. It was dark and didn't seem to be in use anymore. It reminded her of when she and Severus had been in a room similar and the heated conversation that followed...

"I will not lie to you," she said softly and made sure to keep his gaze. She hoped his face would soften (even a little), but it did not. "I went to his classroom to work on my potion. I told myself that if he was there, I would leave-without question. He was _not_ there, so I stayed and worked on the experiment."

"Mhm," he smiled nastily at her and her stomach churned. "And did he show UP?"

The girl fell silent and then decided on honesty again. "Yes-" Lucinda flinched violently, as Tristin raised a hand toward her. He held back, though, so Lucinda carried on quickly, before the blow came. "But I tried to leave instantly. I did. I was cold toward him. I told him I didn't want him. I told him that I chose you. I did. I did- please believe me."

Tristin lowered his hand slightly and tilted his head, as if listening for something. "You chose me?" He asked. "You told him that?"

Lucinda nodded.

A silent moment passed and then Tristin's wide smile shone through the darkness at her. She felt the sickness in her stomach start up again at the sight, but she pushed past it and thought of Snape's face, instead. In fact, she thought of nothing but the kiss that she'd desperately wanted from him and that she'd not been able to finish. The butterflies in her stomach began to do battle with the nervous acids and she closed her eyes. Lucinda kept that image in her mind: Severus' lips pressed to hers; his breath, his tongue, his voice, his scent... All of those thoughts kept the butterflies in flight and she used the opportunity to step closer to Tristin and release them into him, instead.

The Slytherin prefect was obviously surprised by her sudden affections, because he didn't respond right away. But once her tongue licked along his bottom lip, he dropped the cauldron he'd been holding and fisted his hands in the back of her robes, returning the kiss with hungry enthusiasm. This was the first time she'd willingly kissed him without coaxing on his part (at least, since they'd been back from Christmas break) and he wasn't going to pass up the warmth and dampness of her mouth.

"Mm," he moaned through her lips and pressed himself harder against her.

The girl tried not to listen. She could pretend all she wanted, but he was not Severus. Eventually, after several minutes of frantic kisses, Tristin had backed her up into one of the tables and lifted her onto the edge of it. Lucinda's eyes flew open, as he slid in between her thighs, pushing himself under her skirt. Her hands came up between them instantly and she pulled her mouth from his.

"Wait-!"

Tristin hardly heard her. He moved his mouth and tongue along her jawline, instead, and continued down her neck, while his hands slid up her thighs. His breaths were heavy and his touch was somewhat desperate.

Lucinda pushed harder on his chest. "Wait, wait, wait-" she tried again.

Tristin leaned back and looked at her. "What's wrong? It's not like we haven't-"

"I know," she said and was relieved to see that he was pulling away from her. "But I'm just really distracted about earlier."

"What, with _Snape?_ And besides, you're the one who started this-"

"No _not_ with professor Snape," Lucinda said, forcing herself not to roll her eyes. "I'm talking about X almost _dying_ a few minutes ago."

Tristin finally released her and stared over the top of her head in thought. "Oh, yes," he nodded. "That did happen."

"Yes," Lucinda nodded back and straightened her skirt again. "Can we continue this later? Besides..." she added, touching her stomach. "I'm kind of starving. Do you want to head down to dinner soon?"

Tristin smiled. "Of course, my love," he responded pleasantly and held his hands out to help her back down from the table. "We will _definitely_ continue this later."

Lucinda, once again, tried to ignore the barely concealed malice in his voice. A few minutes later (after they stopped at Gryffindor tower for her to drop off her potions ingredients) they were making their way downstairs to supper.

* * *

Snape stared at the little bottles in front of him. There were several staring back. The liquid inside of them shimmered in translucent swirls and he picked one up, examining it. He knew what they were... but why? And why so many? Snape rolled the vial in his palm. It was warm. He looked back up at the line of them on his office shelf. They sat behind his desk in the locking cabinet. There was a note attached to said shelf, just below them. It only said two words...

_don't look_

And what was more peculiar... it was written in his hand.

 _Peculiar indeed..._ the potions professor thought to himself, as he put the bottle back in its place and closed the cabinet, locking it. There was only one person in his life that he trusted absolutely and completely and that was himself. If there were things he didn't want himself to look at, then that was fine. He wasn't the curious or prying type. Those kinds of things got him into trouble. Whatever it was, he didn't care. He decided to forget about the bottles, so he did right then and there.

He left his office and locked that, too. He walked along the dark corridors and shook off the feeling that he needed to do something. There was nothing he needed to do. Lessons were done for the day. Papers were graded. His birthday was nearly over, thank Merlin. There was nothing left, but to go to supper; maybe enjoy a nice glass of cognac before bed. A few minutes later and he'd left the dungeons and made his way into the Great Hall for supper.

He passed several students who greeted him and he waved a hand dismissively at them. _Cheerful little brats..._ He thought and continued between the House tables, heading for his place next to the Headmaster up front. Albus smiled at him from across the room with crinkly eyes. Snape put a hand up in greeting. He was almost there, but a student was getting out of her seat and stumbled into him.

"Oh!" She said surprised and turned around. "I'm sorry-!"

"Watch where you're going," he snapped at the girl. She had dark curls that lined her face and dark eyes to match. He recognized her from one of his classes. She sat with the Borealis girl. "Miss Morgan, was it?" He sneered. "Don't go trampling around without looking where you're going." He glanced down at the lion crest on her robes and ignored the wide look she was giving him ( _scared little brats- all of them!_ ). "Five points from Gryffindor," he drawled and then walked swiftly around her, his black cloak whipping around her ankles as he passed.

As he sat down in his seat, the Headmaster turned to him. "Having a good Birthday so far?"

"Please don't remind me of it, Headmaster," he said stiffly and poured pumpkin juice into his goblet. "I am not vain. You know I hate my birthday."

"But it's the only day you can _justifiably_ be vain," Albus laughed and clinked his own goblet against the potion professor's. "Should I not have given you a gift?"

The professor thought a moment. "No, that's alright," he said and took a sip of juice. "I never imagined you'd get me a Pensieve. How much did that cost you?"

"Oho! That is my little secret," Albus put a slender finger to the side of his crooked nose. "That is the joy of gift-giving."

"Whatever you say, Headmaster," Snape mumbled and began cutting up the piece of meat on his plate.

Across the room, a girl sat and watched him. He saw her glance up several times while he ate. He knit his brows together in skepticism at her strange behavior. It's like she'd never gotten points taken away from her before.

Snape scoffed ( _spoiled little Gryffindors)_ and looked away from her, turning to speak to the Headmaster again.

"What was the loud crash I heard earlier?" He asked.

He did not look at the girl again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope the chapters are enjoyable. See you soon~


	35. A Shrug Is Worth A Thousand Words

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! New chapter. Shit's gettin' craaaazy. I wrote this pretty quickly, so sorry in advance for spelling and punctuation mistakes (if there are any, which I wouldn't be surprised) and all-around bad writing. Hopefully, you enjoy regardless, because I do so love writing this. Until next time~

"You have _got_ to be kidding me."

"Do I _ever_ kid?" Xavier asked with the most serious eyes, Lucinda almost believed him.

"Only every moment that I've met you," she replied, after realizing him being serious was a joke in itself. She raised a brow skeptically. "So you just decided to waltz across the frozen lake- literally, mind you- and not expect to, _at some point,_ fall through?"

"It seemed pretty solid." X shrugged.

"That still doesn't answer the question as to _why_ you did it..."

They were in the Great Hall for breakfast. She only meant to sit for a moment. The girl had been thankful for the distraction, after the bizarre evening she'd had. It really came as no surprise that X only stayed in the Hospital Wing for the night and that was it. He was at breakfast the very next morning like nothing had happened... Lucinda looked away from the now silent boy and stared at her shoes in the aisle, her elbows resting on the table behind her.

"I was being reckless." Xavier said quietly.

Lucinda looked up from her shoes and glanced his face over, but he had his eyes on his plate. He only looked up briefly to assure that the other Hufflepuffs at his table weren't paying attention and then his gaze was back on the untouched food on his plate.

"Well..." Her dark eyes continued to scrutinize his face. "That's nothing new."

He was silent for a beat longer and then abruptly shrugged again with a laugh, "Yeah, I guess you're right."

Lucinda tried to suppress the sadness that was bubbling up inside her at the slightly empty look on his face. This was the first real moment they'd spoken since before Christmas break. What had she missed? What happened at Hogwarts while she was gone?

The Gryffindor Girl raised her head up to look across the hall to the Slytherin table. Tristin sat staring at her. Lucinda had no reaction to this, because it was expected and she was used to it by now. He smiled at her. She smiled back out of reflex and her insides burned with fire. He had _also_ been at the castle over the break. Could this have something to do with him? Did he do something to X?

Lucinda turned her face back to the redhead next to her. "Did something..." she paused, unsure how to go on. "Did something happen at the school while we were gone?"

X pushed his fork around his plate and raised his eyebrows at the eggs beneath him. "Hell no," he mumbled. "Boring as ever."

Lucinda chewed her lip and glanced up at the staff table this time, but Snape wasn't looking at her, which was also expected. "So, everything is fine?" She pressed, still watching her potions professor eating his breakfast expressionless and stiff-backed.

"Yep, everything is a ripe peach right now." Xavier twirled his fork in his hand and shot her a half smile.

"And the reckless ice-walking?" The girl leaned in with a whisper. "The drowning?"

Xavier's face fell a little, but he ended it with another shrug and went back to pushing the eggs around his plate. "I just wanted to take a walk." He said with a sigh. "I... I was feeling flushed. I just wanted to cool off and I thought, you know, what better way to do that than the frozen Black Lake?"

"So you actually wanted to go _in_ the lake-"

"Of course not!" X snapped a little too forcefully and the surrounding Hufflepuffs turned to stare at the two of them. The fire-haired boy crossed his arms and stared back. "Quit it. Eat your breakfast." They all shrugged in unison and continued eating.

"I don't get it then," Lucinda said softly and stared down at the Hufflepuff's full plate. "Why would you be _that_ reckless-"

"I was upset!" He snapped again, but he did so quietly this time. "I wasn't thinking. I wanted to get out of here. I wanted to take a walk and I just wanted to get _out_ of here!"

"For good? For just a little while?" She asked after a moment, voice shaking a bit with uncertainty. "But why? What happ-"

"Nothing."

"Why are you lying to me?"

"I'm not. I'm just saying-" He started, obviously getting flustered, but Lucinda cut him off again.

"Something happened. I can see it in your face. What is it that you don't want me to know?"

"For Merlin's sake, Lou!" Xavier hissed and banged his fist on the table. "Lay off! Okay? There was... there was just an incident, is all."

Lucinda ignored the group of Hufflepuffs that started to stare at them again and couldn't help the curious look she threw at the Slytherin table. Tristin still watched her, but now he watched her without a smile. Suppressing the bile building in her throat and the speeding in her veins, she pressed a little further. "An incident?" She breathed, frustrated with her voice for already giving away the panic she was beginning to feel. "Did you- um... Was it like an altercation or something?"

X finally looked at her and he did so with an expression full of bewilderment. "What, like a fight? You think I had a row with someone?"

Lucinda shrugged helplessly and then tapped her fingers distractedly on the table.

The boy rolled his eyes. "I'm a pacifist, Lou." He said dryly. "We've been through this."

She laughed nervously. "I kind of thought you were joking about that."

"Nope." He said sharply and set down his fork, giving up the breakfast/plate dance altogether. "I was serious. I don't fight."

Lucinda hung her head slightly and turned halfway toward him. "Have you always been a pacifist?" She asked conversationally (but cautiously).

The Hufflepuff boy frowned and gave another one of those wonderful shrugs. "For the most part." He replied and then pushed his plate away, making room to fold his arms across the table.

Another moment passed.

"And the least part?" Lucinda whispered.

X stared at the freckles on the backs of his hands. There were a lot of them. He opened his mouth, but then hesitated and closed it again. After that, he simply shrugged once more, but this one was very subtle.

Lucinda watched him carefully. She hadn't been a good friend. She'd been too caught up in her own ridiculously dramatic life and completely forgot to be a good friend... to anyone. Xavier was going through something; something he didn't seem to want to tell her. He seemed on the brink of... of what? Something unpleasant, she presumed...

"How many fights have you been in?" Lucinda decided to ask, barely above a whisper.

X was silent. He was silent so long, that Lucinda was afraid she'd really overstepped her boundaries and he was pissed. She was about to apologize, but she closed her mouth again once she saw the finger he had raised in the air: his index finger. At first she thought he was giving her a warning of some sort, but then he spoke.

"One," he said quietly. "Just one."

Before she could even try to respond, the boy was out of his seat and making his way out of the Great Hall at a fast pace.

"X!" Lucinda stood and made to follow him, but Tristin, in all of his glory, was already in front of her. He simply shook his head with a look of finality on his face and she stopped in her tracks. She gave him an apologetic look and graced the Great Hall with one more delicate shrug from her shoulders. Tristin smiled and put an arm around her.

As they walked back to the Slytherin table, Lucinda watched as Xavier Michael's ginger head disappeared through the double doors to the entrance hall and then he was gone. They passed by Clover and Aurora as they went and the twins stared at her in curiosity and... what else was it? Clover looked a bit sad. But then again, he had also just been staring at a blonde boy at the other end of the table. Aurora was just staring at Lucinda. They still hadn't had a chance to speak; not really anyway. Rorie had spent the rest of the evening the night before at X's bedside and Lucinda hadn't got back from the Slytherin common room (as that's where she'd gone after supper) until well after most Gryffindors had gone to bed. Then she'd woken early because her blood sugar had dropped and she came down to breakfast only to find Xavier already there. She sat and talked with him as students filled the hall after them. She'd only just realized she still hadn't eaten. She rubbed at her stomach as Tristin led her to his table.

They sat and ate in mostly silence and Lucinda was somewhat relieved when he engaged someone else on his other side in conversation. As the two Slytherins spoke, Lucinda watched the staff table in her peripheral vision. When she had the opportunity, she would casually take a full look, but there was no need- he was not watching her. He was not sulking. He wasn't happily chatting away. He was nothing. He ate from his plate. He drank from his goblet. He gently wiped his mouth every once in a while with a napkin. McGonagall would lean over and say something and it would receive a one word answer from him. Dumbledore would smile and speak to him and he would speak back, but he did not smile. He would nod and close his eyes. He would smooth his tight, black sleeves down and swirl the liquid in his cup. He would even glance up at the enchanted ceiling every now and then, but never (not _once_ ) did he look at her.

* * *

"You have all been too careless. You've gotten lazy. _Soft._ I would expect such arrogance and negligence from Gryffindors, seeing as they think too highly of themselves to be bothered with the simplest of tasks, but I expected much more perseverance from my own House. Tell me now, have they rubbed off on you? In your honest and small-brained opinion, did you really think you would get away with completing your essays-dare I even use the word 'complete'-in such a lackluster way?"

Snape lectured them as he paced back and forth in front of the class. Everyone watched him in silent astonishment. He hadn't spoken so badly of their work in months, and he also hadn't spoken so outwardly against Gryffindor since the beginning of the school year. He was the coldest teacher they had, so no one thought much on it and simply looked down in shame, but still... it was strange.

Lucinda watched him more than anyone, but she tried not to. She was supposed to be heading in the direction of normality for the remainder of the school year, but it was difficult, because professor Snape was being very... calm. She'd seen him upset (several times); she'd seen him livid and sometimes even a little depressed. She'd even seen him smile on occasion. More than once, he'd spoken very gently to her. She'd seen him very quiet. She'd seen him sarcastic and fiery, but now... he was like a different person.

_You're not that great of an actor, are you?_

The remnants of his words swirled around in her head like a black fog. She'd hurt him terribly. That was evident. Her words had cut him deep enough to make sure he wouldn't pursue her again. Lucinda knew she shouldn't, but she felt selfishly disappointed by his behavior. Was it that easy for him to move on? Wasn't he even just a little bit upset? Did he ever even really like her that much or- for Merlin's sake- did he even miss the friendship they once had; or was it, just maybe, that he _was_ that great of an actor? It was possible. It was very possible. She simply had to keep that wedged deep in the back of her subconscious: that this was all an act, for the sake of both of them.

"Stare any harder and the whole class is going to think something's going on with you two."

Lucinda tore her eyes away from the now-sitting potions professor and looked at the girl who'd just spoken. Aurora. Her friend; the one she'd been so desperate to have a real conversation with. The one she wanted to ask for advice about Tristin. She was the only one Lucinda could talk to about it, because she was the only one who knew about _everything..._ And right now the girl was looking at her with obvious irritation. _Great_...

"I don't mean to stare," Lucinda whispered, trying to move her lips as least as possible. "I was just... thinking."

"Whatever..." Aurora mumbled and went back to the parchment in front of her. Snape was making them rewrite their latest essays on the differences between every type of nightshade used for potion making and what each does when mixed with a confidence serum.

"By the way," Lucinda said, after realizing Aurora wasn't going to say anything more. "I wanted to talk to you. Are you busy tonight after supper?"

Her friend's hand paused in writing and then her golden eyes looked over at her. "Talk about what?"

"Jeeze, Rorie..." Lucinda said dejectedly and stared down at the table. "Are you pissed at me or something? I just want to talk to my friend."

The Borealis girl seemed to think a moment before replying back with a slightly less irritable, "Sorry." Then she added in a softer whisper, "I'm free tonight... You won't be with Tristin?"

"No," she said back with a half smile, unable to hide her relief. "He actually said he felt bad for being so controlling of me and told me to spend more time with my friends, not that I really needed his permission..."

"Yeah, well, you should probably stay on his good side, considering what you did to him-"

" _Rorie!"_ Lucinda stared at her friend in bewilderment. "Why I are you acting this way? You know exactly what happ-"

"Miss Morgan."

Lucinda's face drained of color instantly. She looked up, expecting to see Snape's angry eyes boring into her, but they weren't. They were pointed at a pile of ingredients on his desk. He seemed as though he hadn't even said her name just now, but he most certainly had.

"Miss... Borealis," he then said, between pinches of some kind of white powder that he was dividing into several jars in front of him. He finished what he was doing, tightened the lid on the jar of substance, pulled a drawer out on his desk, took a piece of cloth from inside, wiped his fingers meticulously on it, set the cloth aside and then-only then-did he finally look up at the two girls who had stayed frozen in their seats, watching him.

"I thought I had made myself perfectly clear about the severity of the present circumstance," he said calmly, though his voice didn't hold even the slightest hint of kindness or understanding. "I also thought that seventh years, such as yourselves, would have learned by now to take your academic standing more seriously and if you cannot do so, I would be more than happy to remove you from my advanced class..." He paused to smile ruefullly. "Perminately." Then he went back to the ingredients on his desk. A moment passed and Snape added one more thing, "I think ten points from each of you should suffice. Now get back to your essays, if you can manage it."

Neither girl said a word. They both looked down at their essays and fervently continued writing. They didn't look at each other and they didn't part their lips to make a single sound for the rest of their time in there. No one dared to say a word either. The rest of the period ticked by in near silence (save for the scratching of quills and furious rustling of parchment) and, right on time, the moment before the bell rang, the potions classroom door opened and in stepped Tristin Samael.

Snape looked up from his desk and stared at the boy, analyzing him almost. He tilted his head slightly, looking the Slytherin up and down. The potions professor set down the quill that had been resting between his fingers and turned his full attention on the one in his doorway.

"May we help you with something, Samael?" He asked toneless.

The boy's face seemed to light up from his words and he even smiled. "Well, I'm here to pick Lucy up from her class, of course, professor Snape," he said cheerfully.

Snape's expression didn't change. His eyes shifted over the class in front of him until he saw the girl in question, as she was now the only one staring toward the doorway. His eyes came to rest on the boy again. "Class is not over yet," he said simply and then picked his quill back up.

Tristin opened his mouth to say different, but then a bell resounded around them. The boy's lips pulled wider, into a laughable grin and he pointed toward the ceiling. "Well, looky there," he chirped. "Class _is_ over."

Snape set his quill down once more and looked at the class, ignoring the cheerful boy standing off to his right. "Turn your essays in now, regardless of completion. You had more than enough time to fix what should have been."

Everyone sprang to their feet and packed up. Then they formed a line at his desk. Lucinda was one of the first to get up there, because she wanted to leave as soon as possible, but professor Snape had different plans. The moment the girl held her essay out to him, he set it to the side of the stack in front of him and jerked his head at her. "Stand at that wall, Miss Morgan."

Lucinda's eyes went wide and she stared over at Tristin, unsure of what to do and afraid of what was happening. The boy was looking at Snape peculiarly and then met the girl's eyes. Then he nodded once. Lucinda hugged her bag close to her stomach and quickly walked to the wall behind her teacher and then flattened her back against it. As she stood and waited for the rest of the class to disperse, she tried desperately to stay calm. This was what she was afraid of... It really was all an act and now he was going to do something drastic. She couldn't imagine what he was going to say to Tristin, or to her...

When everyone was gone, Snape straightened the stack of essays and put them in his desk drawer. Then he reached over and took Lucinda's in his hands and stared at it. As he continued to read, he put a slender finger up and curled it toward himself. "You may step forward now," he said curtly.

Once more, Lucinda glanced nervously at her boyfriend, but he was staring at their potions professor with a raised brow. She slowly walked forward until she was standing next to the man and then she turned toward him, her back now to the other one.

"Did I do something wro-" she began, but he raised a hand in silence at her and she pressed her lips together again.

"You seem to be very popular today," he said distractedly, as his eyes read through her essay at a rapid pace. "I would like to see if that arrogance translates to parchment."

She didn't say anything. She couldn't. She wasn't even offended, because she was so completely flabbergasted at what was happening.

He only needed another minute and he'd apparently read through the entire thing and then he finally looked up at her, setting the essay down slowly. His black eyes stared at her like he'd never fully looked at her before. He watched her like this was the first time they'd met...

"I-Is my essay okay?" She stammered, trying to take her eyes away from his, but they were locked within his gaze.

He stared for five seconds longer and then he said abruptly, "No."

Lucinda's brow scrunched together and she forgot about everything else outside of her school work for just a moment. "What's wrong with it?" She asked, finally using a voice louder than a mumble.

Snape continued to look at her, as he placed a finger on the parchment and then slid the digit down until it rested on a term within her essay. "Here."

Lucinda glanced down.

__

_Bittersweet Nightshade_

Her eyes snapped up to his again. "What about it?"

"It shouldn't be in there," he sneered. "It doesn't even have any magical properties."

"In all due respect, professor, I'm going to have to disagree."

Snape took his hand away and hardened his stare on her. "Excuse me?"

"Did you even read my explanation?" She asked, a little exasperated. She shouldn't push the issue, but she couldn't help it. Potions was her best subject. She wasn't wrong.

"There was no need," he scoffed and picked the parchment back up. "I already know it is as mundane as any... other... Hmm..." He continued to read until he was officially finished with the whole essay and then he looked at her again. "Where did you learn this?"

Lucinda was starting to feel uncomfortable. She'd stood too long speaking with him. Any moment and Tristin was going to do what Tristin did best: make an irrefutable threat. She quickly shrugged and took just a tiny step back, trying to show the boy behind her that she wanted to leave. "Experiments."

Snape set the parchment down and turned his body fully toward her, folding his hands together. "Whose?" He asked.

"Mine," Lucinda said a little more confidently.

"Do you perform _many_ of these experiments; with ingredients in which others more experienced than yourself have not even attempted?"

Lucinda's thin eyebrows drew down in skepticism. "You already know that I do."

"That is a bold accusation, Miss Morgan," he suddenly turned very cold eyes on her, "and you would be wise to remember that I am not above taking further points for your snark." There was a snort from the classroom doorway and Snape leaned to the side to see around the girl. "Something amusing, Mr. Samael?" He asked with narrowed eyes.

Tristin pinched his nose closed, as his shoulders trembled with unabashed laughter, but he kept his mouth and eyes shut, trying to suppress it. He shook his head back and forth in response to the professor's allegation and stayed silent (mostly because if he didn't, a fit of laughter was sure to burst forth).

Snape clucked his tongue in annoyance at the boy and straightened again to look at the girl. His face fell just a fraction. Her eyes were brimming with tears that were seconds from release. She stared at the parchment on his desk and had her bottom lip clenched tightly between her teeth; so tightly that the skin there was turning white. Her jaw quivered and her nostrils flared. For Heaven's sake, the girl was going to start bawling over this!

Snape clucked his tongue again and looked away from her. "Please, compose yourself, Miss Morgan," he spoke with unmistakable distaste. "You will not get points taken away... But next time you feel the need to project your own opinions onto a specific piece of work that I've assigned, discuss it with me first. Do not assume I will accept it beforehand, with only your word to back it up. I want evidence and documented experimental trials performed first. Do I make myself clear?"

Lucinda breathed out a shaky breath and wiped under her eyes. "Exceedingly so..." she said quietly.

"Good." He snipped and then waved her away. "You may go."

She obliged enthusiastically and quickly walked away from the man, meeting her absolutely exuberant boyfriend at the door. This seemed like a nightmare; a bad dream. What was going on? It was like she was in a parallel universe. And it seemed that whatever was happening, it made Tristin nearly hysterical with glee. He really was the prickly thorn bush in her life...

After the classroom was empty, Snape picked the Morgan girl's essay back up and read it again. Then he read it a third time. He tapped his fingers rhythmically on top of his desk and swiveled a little in his chair. He thought about the girl. How intriguing she was, if she was telling the truth... Snape finally put quill to parchment and assigned her a grade.

_110 points_

_Full Marks and Plus_

Then he set his quill down and leaned back in his chair, staring at the girl's name at the top of the paper. _Lucinda Morgan..._ If McGonagall knew he'd given one of her students full marks and _then some,_ she'd never let him live it down. For some reason, he couldn't help it, because the essay really was perfect. If he wanted to be mean, he could have docked points for the Bittersweet Nightshade, because she didn't have proof, but... what she had written was proof enough (though he wouldn't say it). What a shame she wasn't in Slytherin...

* * *

"Oh this is too good. I should have known he would be this selfish-" Tristin was racked by another rumble of laughter. He cackled away and watched Lucinda's distraught face.

"What did you do?" Lucinda asked, unable to keep her composure. They stood in the last hallway before Gryffindor Tower.

"It's not what _I_ did, my love," Tristin tucked his fist under his chin and grinned at her. "You must have had _quite_ the conversation with our dear potions professor if he's gone and magicked you out of his head."

"What are you talking about?" She tried sounding confident, but the doubt was showing through and Tristin grinned wider.

"You know what," he simpered at her. "It's alright. You think whatever you want, because it doesn't matter anymore anyway. In fact, you can even resume your potion experiment in his classroom. I give you my full blessing."

"Tristin..." Lucinda warned, but her voice gave her away completely. "Why would you be okay with that?"

The boy nearly bounced up and down with excitement. "Because he probably won't let you anyway!" He wiped tears from his eyes and giggled again. "And even if he did... H-He doesn't even-" (he held his stomach and laughed at her) "-doesn't even know who you are-"

"Of course he does!" Lucinda snapped. "You just saw him talking to me!"

"Pff!" Tristin dismissed her with a flap of his hand. "Yeah, he knows you're his student, but that's it. You could see it in his face! Oh _Merlin_ , this is so good..." He turned away from her and continued down the hall, chuckling and mumbling to himself as he went.

Lucinda wanted to get away from him, but she was still afraid of the information he had on her. She still didn't want the whole school finding out what happened between her and her professor... even if he seemed to be acting strange. She hoped what Tristin was saying wasn't true, but actions spoke louder than words- and based on how Snape was acting _and_ his words, the assumptions seemed to be true. It was as if Snape... didn't remember her.

Did he really do that to himself? _Could_ he have? Lucinda couldn't believe it, but the more she thought about how her professor had acted towards her, the more the truth was evident to her... Severus had forgotten about her... possibly on purpose.

* * *

It had started to snow. Lucinda watched it fall from the window of her dormitory. Supper had just finished and she was waiting for Aurora to show up, so they could finally talk. She'd skipped supper altogether, because she didn't want to face being in the same room as Snape yet. She couldn't think about his face and the unfamiliar look in his eyes. There might be some serious backlash for it from her beloved boyfriend, but she just needed a few minutes to herself.

The sun was down and the sky was a dark charcoal. The windows below her illuminated the snow on the ground, stories beneath her. Lucinda watched for a while. The snow was peaceful. It fell in large, heavy flakes. Some of it clung to the bottom of the window and Lucinda watched it begin to accumulate there on the sill. She put her fingertips to the glass and then waved them a little. The snow just on the other side began to swirl lazily in circles. She played a little, not really paying too much attention to what she was doing, but after a while she saw something white glowing in the distance. It was just a pinprick of light, but it was flickering just at the edge of the Forbidden Forest. There was no rhythm to it, it just shimmered slightly like a star in the night sky. After a moment, she caught a glimpse of the outline of something next to the light. Lucinda realized it was a person and the glowing was coming from their wand. They were heading into the trees. Eventually the light went too deep and it disappeared, along with the person it was attached to. Lucinda wondered briefly if this person was a student or a faculty member or neither, but then the dormitory door opened and she forgot about the scene below.

"You starving yourself to death now or something?"

Lucinda turned around just in time to catch an orange being tossed to her by Aurora.

"No," she said with a grimace and looked at the fruit in her hand. "But thanks. I only had a couple of sweets in my bag. Not really food, you know what I mean?"

Aurora nodded and then looked the girl up and down. "So why weren't you at supper?" She asked, stepping further into the room and shutting the dormitory door behind her. "Avoiding your boyfriend?"

"Actually," Lucinda said, slumping down onto her bed, "I was avoiding professor Snape."

Aurora tried to decipher what was going through the girl's head by the look on her face, from across the room, but she couldn't. She walked to the other side of Lucinda's bed and sat down on it, still watching the girl. "He trying to get in your pants?"

Lucinda glared at her, but Aurora didn't have a joking look in her eye; she was simply glaring back. Lucy sighed in irritation and stared ahead out of the window again. "No," she said forcefully. "Why the hell would he?"

"I dunno," Aurora said sarcastically. "Maybe because he's already tried to before."

"Do you want to hear what I have to say or not?" Lucinda snapped, turning hateful eyes on the other girl. Aurora looked at her just as hatefully and Lucinda felt heartbroken instantly by it. "Please, Rorie," she suddenly said in a cracked voice, face softening. "I can't go on like this. I know you hate him. I know you don't approve of the things that have happened, but this isn't about that anymore. You said you would be there to catch me if I fell... figuratively speaking, of course," she added quietly.

"Well, what is it?" Aurora asked irritably, but her face was softening, too.

"I think that Snape did something terrible..." And then she retold the events from earlier that day; the way he acted, the way it seemed that he was talking to her for the first time... the things Tristin had said to make her believe it was true.

Aurora screwed her face up in concentration once her friend had finished. "Well, I _did_ think he was acting very strangely..." she said, pondering aloud.

"So, do you think Tristin is right?" Lucinda whispered, although no one else was in the dormitory with them. "Did Snape really... delete me from his memories?"

Aurora shrugged. "Probably," she said and leaned back on her hands. "That seems to be the responsible thing to do."

"But..." Lucinda stared at her friend, wanting her to also think this was wrong. "But how could he? We were friends. How could he forget about me so easily?"

"Lucy, do you hear yourself?" Aurora looked at her, exasperated. "He finally seems to do the right thing and you're complaining about it? I thought this was what you wanted, anyway. The two of you were supposed to come back to school as nothing more than teacher and student."

"I know, but this is extreme," Lucinda said worriedly. "What if it's perminate? I-I don't want to lose him-"

"You are with TRISTIN!" Aurora cried in disbelief. "Are you really sitting here-after everything-telling me you're still hung up on your fucking _teacher?_ Why can't you just be happy with the great guy that you have?"

It was Lucinda's turn to stare at her in disbelief. "W-What?" She stammered and felt her stomach do its usual twist of disgust. "Great guy? Are you kidding me?"

"Don't act like you have any right to judge," Aurora's golden eyes burned like yellow fire. "If he's been controlling, it's only because of what you did."

"Rorie, why are you defending him?" Lucinda almost laughed at the absurdity of it all. "You have no idea what kind of person he is."

"I know that he's at least your age and not your god damned professor."

"For the last time, that's not even what this is about!" Lucinda screeched. "Tristin is terrible! Absolutely psychotic-"

"Oh, Merlin's beard-" Aurora stood up from the bed and rolled her eyes. "Snape has brainwashed you."

"No, he hasn't," Lucinda stood up, as well. "This is what I've been trying to tell you. Tristin isn't the kind of person we thought he was. He's really, _really_ mean!"

"Maybe you're just sensitive," the blonde girl countered snottily.

"H-How could you not believe me?" Lucinda said, honestly lost for words. "I mean, Gabriel doesn't like him, either. Is it so hard to believe that he isn't-"

"Gabe isn't even our _friend_ anymore, Lucy!"

Lucinda just stared at her. She really couldn't believe all of the things coming out of her mouth. She was leaving her speechless. "So, you write people out of your life just because they break up with someone?"

"He _didn't_ break up with someone," Aurora fumed. "He broke up with _my brother!"_

"Yeah and what if I break up with Tristin?" Lucinda fumed back. "Are you gonna write me off, too?"

"Maybe I already have!"

Lucinda was silenced again by her words and this time she really didn't know what to say to her. She was hurt. Aurora even seemed a little shocked by what her own mouth had just said, but she didn't say anything more. Lucinda still held the orange in her hand and now she clenched her fingers tightly around it until it burst within her palm. She threw the remnants of pulp and peel to the side and stalked past the silver-haired girl.

"Lucy, wait-" Aurora tried, but the girl kept going. "I didn't mean it-"

When Lucinda opened the dormitory door, she nearly ran into a girl coming through the other side.

"Gargoyles!" The girl exclaimed in surprise and put a lithe hand to her chest. "Oh, its you..." the girl sniffed and shifted her green eyes to look over Lucy's shoulder into the room. "Is-is Nica not in here?" She suddenly asked in surprise.

"No, she's not," Lucinda mumbled and pushed past Amphetia, leaving the dormitories to go to the common room without so much as a second glance. Aurora called after her as she went, but Lucinda didn't return.

* * *

Tristin held the cold pendant in his palm. He turned it over and over again with his fingers and he watched the green emeralds glisten in the light of the fire at his feet. He crossed his ankles and leaned back, sinking deeper into the couch, as he held the piece of jewelry out over his head. He turned it this way and that and rubbed a thumb over the ridges of the silver skull, humming to himself as he did so.

He never really had much plan to begin with, but now things kept changing. They kept getting better; more exciting; more interesting (even without his little helper anymore). He smiled and sighed, placing the pendant back in his inside breast pocket. There were so many more ways to fuck with him now. Snape might have thought he was helping the situation, but oh how wrong he was. This was just going to wonderfully complicate things further and he had no idea how badly.

Tristin stood and stretched and yawned. Bed time. He needed his energy to carry out is "somewhat plans". There were situations he needed to manipulate. There were people he needed to push. And there wasn't time to waste. Everyday should be lived with enjoyment and he was going to enjoy life to its fullest.

* * *

Lucinda stayed in the common room until everyone went to bed. Aurora never came back down. She didn't really expect her to. Rorie was too stubborn. She would only try to reconcile once and then give up. It was in her nature. Amph came back down right away (obviously after making sure her sister Nicalia really wasn't in their room) and left Gryffindor Tower. She didn't come back at all.

Lucinda laid down on the couch in front of the hearth for a while, long enough to make sure Aurora would be asleep before she went up to her bed. It was childish, but her words had stung and she was pissed. How could Rorie be so cold-hearted?

The Gryffindor Girl eventually nodded off by accident and then she was woken in the middle of the night by a pair of voices. She shifted groggily and, upon cracking an eye open, saw that the room was only lit by the dim embers smoldering in the fireplace. She couldn't see the girls' faces, whispering by the window, but she recognized their voices. It was Amph and Nica. They were back. And by the sound of it, Amphetia was pissed...


	36. Midnight Ghosts Are Out

Lucinda made sure she didn't move a muscle. She didn't want to startle the girls (obviously), but honestly, she was too curious to ignore what they were saying. She hadn't witnessed the two of them interacting, save for the very brief moment outside Gryffindor Tower the night Tristin asked her to be his girlfriend. They were always looking for one another, it seemed...

"You're always telling _me_ to stay out of trouble and then you go and do something like this?" One of the girls was saying (and although the girls' voices were nearly identical, there were some very distinguishing factors and it was easy for Lucinda to determine who was speaking).

"This was a very different situation," Nicalia replied calmly.

"How?" Amph audibly scoffed. "You scold me for leaving at all hours of the night and interfering in the lives of others, yet you were doing just that-"

"I absolutely was not," the other replied toneless. "I was doing just the opposite, in fact."

"Seeking their council and prophecies is not interfering?"

"Of course it isn't," Nica scoffed in turn, yet when she did it, there was slight condescension in her voice. "All I did was confirm what we already know, which is nothing that's going on has anything to do with us."

"But something _is_ happening?" Amphetia pressed.

Her sister was silent then for a moment. "We must not interfere," she finally said quietly, but there was still a small part of her voice that sounded unsure of her words. Lucinda heard the inflection and held her breath, trying desperately to listen to anything the girls might give away about their cousin, for that is the only thing she could think that they'd be discussing.

"Nica, we are _not_ part of their herd!" The other girl suddenly hissed in fury. "Stop this! Stop pretending!"

"Just because you have been domesticated, doesn't mean I have or ever will."

If there had been any sleep left in Lucinda's eyes, it now left her. She clung to the cushion beneath her, trying to steady her shaking hands. What was this about a herd? A... A _herd?_

"If you took the time to go see them, tell me what they said." Amph demanded in a whisper.

"I will not. You can't be trusted."

"I am your _sister_ " She exclaimed, bewildered. "You act as if you don't care about me!"

"On the contrary, _sister_ ," Nicalia said coolly. "It is because I care so deeply for you and my family that I will not disclose a word of their prophecies to you."

"Why?"

"Because you wouldn't be able to help yourself," Nica said in matter-of-fact tones.

Amph didn't reply right away. Lucinda didn't know if it was because she agreed or because she was so appalled at her sister's resistance and blatant honesty. "How can you call yourself a Gryffindor?" She finally asked and Lucinda was surprised to hear hurt in her voice. "You're a coward-"

"I _don't_ call myself a Gryffindor," Nica said in a low and slow voice that shook slightly. "It is this school and the people in it that have labeled me as such. I had no say in the matter."

"Of course you did. You could have chosen to be in Ravenclaw or _Slytherin,_ for that matter, since you seem to fit right in with Tristin."

Nicalia was silent after that for so long that Lucinda couldn't help but move her head slightly to look over at them better. The two girls stood staring at each other, but Nica had her back to the couch that Lucinda was on. Eventually she spoke, and when she did, her voice came out choked and bitter. "You were sorted first," she said, pointing a finger at her sister. "I would have chosen any House that you were in. To think it had anything to do with my ambitions or personality would be foolish. I am your sister. That is all. And that is all I have to say tonight-" (Then she suddenly turned and walked away from Amphetia) "-I'm going to bed."

Amph mouthed wordlessly at her retreating form for a moment, but then quickly followed after her. "That's all you have to say? That's all?"

Lucinda heard her badgering the girl as they went up the spiral stairs to their dormitory and then their voices faded and the common room was quiet once more.

The Gryffindor Girl waited a few more moments in the crackling silence and then she slowly sat up and stared into the fire (or lack there of) in front of her. Her hands still shook, so she clasped them together and stuck them between her knees. Yes, what they were saying was very peculiar and Lucinda didn't like the somewhat panic that seemed to have taken root in Amphetia's mind, but anything she heard shouldn't have made her tremble as she was. It was only when she suddenly felt her stomach growl that Lucinda realized she never ate supper (except for a couple of chocolates she'd had stashed in her trunk). She briefly thought of the orange that was probably lying in smithereens on her dormitory floor right now and felt her shame creep up on her. Given, it wouldn't have helped her situation much, but Rorie had been kind enough to bring her something and she'd gone and fought with her.

Lucinda shook her head dismissively and her eyes unfocused, as she stared at the embers in the hearth. It was Aurora's fault they fought, not hers. Aurora was the one who would not listen. She defended Tristin like he was her best friend or something. So what if Tristin was her own age? That didn't make him better than Severus. It just made him a very young asshole, rather than an older one.

Lucinda's stomach growled again and she felt bile resting in her esophagus. _Ugh..._ She _was_ hungry (obviously she was). She needed to get something in her, but it was the middle of the night... She could never be foolish like this again. She'd spent her whole life with this sickness and it was about damn time she stopped being careless with her health. She could literally _die_ if she didn't continue taking her Sucrosulin everyday and make sure she ate plenty throughout the day.

It was probably a bad idea to go searching for the kitchens right now, but if she didn't eat something, things could turn out for the worse; as in, she could be worrying about hospitalization rather than detention. So, with a sigh of defeat, Lucinda stood up and left Gryffindor Tower.

* * *

It took longer than she thought it would to find the kitchens. She'd heard rumors about where they were, so she headed in that direction (which was in the dungeons). She knew it had something to do with the entrance to the Hufflepuff common room (although she didn't know where that was either) and obviously it had to be somewhere directly below the Great Hall. At least, she thought it did...

She also didn't know what time it was. She thought it was very late into the night, but there were a heck of a lot of people out and about for it being well after midnight, so she came to the conclusion that it _wasn't_ that late. She had to duck into the shadows several times to avoid professor McGonagall, Peeves, Argus Filch, Peeves _again_ , and no less than _three_ different Prefects. The castle obviously didn't want her getting anything to eat this night... It was her own fault, but still... The longer she wandered through the chilly dungeons, the colder and shakier she got. Honestly, she was chilled to the bone. If it wasn't for her winter robes, she'd probably be frozen directly to the corridor floor.

Lucinda had passed by the potions classroom once and then by Snape's office, where she boldly stood outside and listened briefly. She heard no sound, as she pressed a hand to the door, as if she might feel the vibrations of his footsteps somehow. A light shown from within and lit her shoes with a dark, orange glow and she also watched it for a moment for any movement of a shadow, but there was none. Then she heard footsteps down the corridor behind her and she ducked into the broom cupboard to her left.

Standing quietly in the dark there left her feeling full of sorrow and confusion. It was the same closet that she'd hid from her parents in; the one Severus had found her in. It was their first moment of true friendship and the memories felt like a bitter poison to her now. Lucinda held her breath as the footsteps out in the hall drew nearer and then passed her by. She let her breath out in a small sigh and sunk her forehead to the door; she closed her eyes. She felt so idiotic for coming out in the dark of night to find food, but she ignored those shameful feelings, because this time she really had no choice. It was either this, or risk not being able to make it to breakfast...

The girl stood for a few more moments, making sure the footsteps didn't come back again and then she opened her eyes and stared at the sliver of light at her feet. It stayed uninterrupted and unwavering. Having felt a small surge of relief and encouragement from the silence in the corridor beyond, Lucinda slowly opened the cupboard door a crack and peeked out. She could see Snape's office from where she stood and a new wave of panic set in when she saw the light beneath his door stutter. It blinked out and back on as someone inside the room walked past the door and their shadow trailed behind them. Not wasting anymore time, Lucinda flung herself from her hiding spot, only to turn back around and shut the door with such gentleness that it pained her with the time that it took. Then there was a soft _click_ , the broom cupboard was undisturbed once more, and Lucinda fled the corridor.

It was actually lucky for her that she was delayed, because she arrived in the next hall (after another flight of stairs down) just in time to watch as someone was approaching a large painting. This was important, because this was the painting she'd heard about: the painting of the fruit. She'd heard it had to do with the entrance to the kitchens, but she still didn't know _how_ to get in.

As the student approached (because it was obvious it was a student), Lucinda stepped back behind the bend in the wall and watched from the shadows. Then she nearly laughed out loud when she recognized the freckled face of her Hufflepuff friend. Xavier stood, facing the painting and he had quite a look of agitation on his face. Lucinda momentarily wondered if he also didn't know how to get in, but then he quite pointedly touched the painting and a moment later he was opening the frame like a door. It revealed an entranceway and he quickly went inside. The painting closed behind him, as if on a hinge, and the girl stayed where she was, continuing to watch. She hardly had enough time to contemplate following in after him, when the painting opened once more and this time _two_ students arrived in the hallway.

"I was just having a snack - a _snack!_ " A portly boy cried (his hands full of dinner rolls) and X dragged him along with one arm looped around his soft midsection.

"It's nearly midnight." X said simply and pulled the boy easily behind him. Even though X was dragging him, Lucinda noticed that the other boy gave up pretty quickly in his struggle to get away and just lay limp in his friend's grasp. Just before they were out of sight, she saw him take a bite from one of the rolls.

Lucinda stifled a laugh. She was pleasantly surprised by Xavier's strength - compared to how small his frame seemed. She only thought about it for a second, though, because her shaking was getting worse and her hunger drove her forward.

When she stepped in front of the tall painting of fruit she wasn't sure what to do, besides touch it. She glanced back and forth down the corridor, made sure no one was coming, and then put a hand on the painting, unsure. Nothing happened. _Okay, so that's not all I have to do..._ Lucinda thought, helplessly. _What else? Is there a certain spot I have to touch?_ She tried to remember the exact position Xavier was in when he put a hand to the canvas. She tried putting her hand there, directly over a green pear. It seemed to be the right spot, but still - the painting did nothing. "Oh, _come on!_ " Lucinda whispered, nostrils flared, and flailed her hand a little in her agitation. Somehow, by the gods, yes, it worked. The pear beneath her fingers suddenly wiggled, then it giggled, and then it abruptly morphed into a green doorknob, ready to be opened. Lucinda blew the air out of her cheeks, slow and steady and only a little shake to it. _Thank Merlin..._ She thought, grasping the handle. Now it was just a matter of what she was going to find on the other side...

Upon entering the kitchen, the first thing she was met with was a pleasant engulfment of warmth and it was instant relief for her frozen appendages. The sound of splashing water and banging pans was the first thing that met her ears. She smelled wood smoke and spices and baking bread. Then, as she stepped further into the large room, her eyes were greeted by a hundred other ones - large and bright and shining in her direction.

The place was buzzing with house elves.

When she first stepped inside, they all looked at her with curiosity, some gave quick bows or curtsies - smiling with rags in their hands - and then they all continued with their duties. Some were taking plates and cups and other dishes from four large tables identical to the ones upstairs in the Great Hall and others were at the sinks at one end of the room. Others were busy chopping and kneading and stirring, already getting ready for breakfast the next day.

Lucinda's eyes traveled the length of the huge room and settled on the biggest fireplace her eyes had ever seen, positioned at the opposite end of the kitchen. She gravitated toward it instantly, like a moth to the flame. Her body ached all over and she wanted to warm herself by the fire, so she headed that way. The house elves that she passed would stop what they were doing to greet her and bow. She nodded pleasantly back at them, truly happy that they seemed to enjoy her company, rather than be annoyed with her for intruding. It seemed they were used to this kind of thing...

By the time Lucinda had situated herself on a stool that sat beside the fireplace, three different house elves approached her all at once to offer her cups of tea, saucers stacked with biscuits and scones, a hankerchief, and a bowl of some kind of potatoes and stew meat. Lucinda said thank you several times over again and gladly accepted the food. The house elves didn't linger, either, and she was also glad for that (no need for awkward standing about). They skipped away, tending to their duties, once more.

Lucinda was on her third biscuit before her mind began to clear a little bit and allowed her to wonder about the elves. They knew she was in there for some nourishment without her having to even ask first. Either they had very good intuition about these kinds of things, or that really was the only thing students came in here for. Either way, she was warm, she was being fed and it was positively pleasant, sitting there - ankles crossed under her, steaming cup of tea between her hands. The fire heated her face intensely and she soaked up every ounce.

A few noisy minutes passed; noisy because the clattering and splashing and sizzling never ceased, as the house elves did their duties, never missing a beat. Lucinda didn't mind it, though. It made it more difficult for her mind to wander. She watched the flames of the fire in a trance, nibbling her meat and potatoes and sipping her tea. She didn't think about anything for a while. Her shaking subsided completely and the ice in her blood melted and flowed once more. After about twenty minutes, she'd finished everything the house elves had given her to eat, drained her tea cup and wiped her mouth and chin with the handkerchief they'd provided. Lucinda sat contentedly for just a few minutes longer than she needed to, relishing in the heat and nowhere near ready to brave the frozen corridors again, but eventually she did stand. She stretched and rubbed her face, suddenly aware of how sleepy she was and gathered up her dishes. Halfway to the sinks on the other side of the room, she was intercepted by a positively beaming house elf and he cheerfully took her things. Lucinda thanked them all again and headed for the door. They curtsied and bowed some more, following her a little, until she was out of the entrance and the painting had swung back into place behind her, serparating them once again.

Out in the hall, Lucinda sighed contentedly - stuck her hands in her robe pockets and began her journey back to Gryffindor Tower. She felt accomplished. It was a wonder how simply nourishing her body could give her such a feeling...

* * *

The candlelight flickered as Severus walked past it. He paced; just a little. He wasn't in deep thought - he just couldn't sleep. He contemplated patrolling the halls a bit to pass the time and perhaps tire his mind, but he almost instantly decided against it - he'd rather not deal with any problems tonight, should any arise. No, it was best to try and exhaust himself within his own bedchamber. So, he got up and headed into his office.

Snape paused briefly at the cabinet that held the collection of glass vials. He stared at it for a moment, decided to unlock it and then did so. Then he scanned over the little bottles, wondering what was inside them. He read over the note attached to the shelf again and sighed in irritation.

_don't look_

"Couldn't you have given me something _more_ than that?" He asked himself and then reluctantly locked up the cabinet once more.

After deciding exactly what he needed to put these thoughts to rest and get his body back to sleep, Severus walked to a small shelf on the opposite side of the room and started searching for a light blue bottle. It took only a moment to find, because it was taller than most of the other bottles it sat next to. He picked it up with a sigh of contentment, but his relief soon diminished as he felt the lightness of the bottle. It was empty. _Well, there goes my sleeping draught idea..._ He relished, bitterly. He could brew up another one, but that would take some time and he'd just be kept up longer. For a moment he thought maybe the potion making itself would put him to sleep well enough, but he knew better - he was too disciplined for that.

Back into his sleeping quarters, he went. He poured himself a very tall glass of port and settled into the sofa at the foot of his bed. He swirled the dark liquid in the glass and stared off at the back wall, eyes unfocusing. Sleep would come. It had to eventually. Perhaps drinking a little would get him there faster... _But these blasted thoughts!_ He thought in bewilderment. They hadn't ceased. What was most disturbing was the fact that they had no substance to them. They were feelings more than they were true thoughts, but the feelings were what kept him up. The twisting in his gut, the pulling at his subconscious, the clouding in his mind... Booze was not going to keep these thoughts from surfacing. He needed something else.

Snape looked down and saw that his prayers were answered. A book. _Ah yes,_ he pondered with a smirk. _Good old-fashioned reading._ He could always bore himself to sleep. That could work. Especially since he'd read this one before.

Snape picked the book up and looked at the cover. _Nautical Natures of the Ninth Kind._ Yes. This would work. He opened the book at the beginning, but it fell open to a place he'd bookmarked a few pages in. So he'd already been reading this again, anyway... Funny that he couldn't recall it.

He glanced over the page that stared up at him, but something else caught his eye. It was the bookmark he'd used. He always utilized whatever scrap of parchment he had handy, but this one was different. It had been scribbled on. Snape picked the paper up and examined it above his head, holding it out against the torchlight. None of it was in his handwriting, but... but it had his name on it.

_ask Professor Snape_

It was written in tiny letters in one of the corners, almost like the person who wrote it hadn't _wanted_ to write it. Which was made more apparent, because they'd scratched it out afterwards. There were a lot of things written and then scratched out - little notes and question marks. It was obvious it was something to do with his class, because these were potions ingredients, but he didn't recognize the combination of things the student had written. Was it a student?

Snape turned the paper sideways and read a darkened line, as if they'd traced over the letters more than once.

_Boil for ten min, skip next step, add twice amount of mistletoe berries_

He furrowed his brow, thinking. It had to be a student. No teacher would write these incoherent notes... They wouldn't hesitate to ask him a question, either. This was a student who was obviously afraid of him. Still... It made him curious... again. Because, why did he have it? Why had he deliberately kept it? Had he originally planned to seek the student out to offer his guidance with whatever they were questioning?

Snape shook his head again and leaned his head back against the wall. No. He would never do something so out-of-character. He might have answered their inquiries, but he would have waited for them to come to him... So why keep the paper?

The potions master sighed and stood up, hand still clenched around the paper, and tossed the book behind him onto the sofa. His curiosity got the best of him. He'd held onto this insignificant scrap of parchment for a reason and that led him to believe that he knew whose hand had written on it. He glanced accusingly over at the cabinet of vials as he passed them and then crouched behind his desk. He pulled one of the drawers out and began to sift through.

He took rolls of parchment out, unrolled them, held them side-by-side with the scrap, grunted in dismissal and continued on with the next. He did this until he came to one that seemed to be a match. The handwriting was identical, but one bit of writing was not enough to convince him. He decided to compare it with additional pieces from his classroom. So, he shoved the papers into his breast pocket and left his office.

* * *

It was bound to happen. She'd already narrowly missed running into him twice this night and it was bound to happen now that she was almost home free. She could hear him giggling inside the potions classroom. Lucinda had only just gotten past Snape's office and was almost to his classroom when she heard Peeves wreaking havoc inside. Or, at least, she thought he might be. He sounded way too exuberant to simply be drifting by in leisure. She would have already gone past, but she was afraid he was going to see her. She couldn't continue standing there, though. She had to try. So, she stepped as quietly as she possibly could and-

"Student out of _bed?_ "

Lucinda froze, having only just made it to the doorway. He'd seen her, of course. She turned with a sigh and a slump of her shoulders. "Hello, Sir Peeves," she curtsied slightly and looked up at him floating around in the potions classroom rafters.

"Oh-ho-ho-ho!" He trilled and zoomed down to her level with a look of glee. "Are you a ghostie now, too?"

Lucinda tilted her head to the side. "No," she said, feeling slightly put off by his assumption. "I'm alive."

"Could have fooled _me,_ " he grinned wickedly at her. "You looked _awfully_ dead to Peevesie."

"When?" She asked without thinking.

Peeves giggled and shook out his shoulders. "Oh little, curly girly, it isn't looking good, is it? You know what they say." He waggled his eyebrows at her and folded his legs beneath him in the air.

"What do they say?" She asked without thinking again.

He grinned evilly. "Dead folks can't remember what it was that killed them. You sure you're alive?"

It was ridiculous. She knew that. She wasn't dead. She couldn't be. She'd just been talking to the house elves and hours before that she'd been talking to Aurora. Either way, it still made her skin crawl and she shivered a little, hugging herself involuntarily. "I am most definitely alive," she said meekly and turned to leave, but Peeves said something that made her stop in her tracks.

"But not for long, I'd say!" He cackled and zoomed back up toward the rafters.

"What-" she began, but a voice behind her made her jump.

"I think he was trying to delay you."

Lucinda knew who it was before she even turned around, so she took her time in doing so. She closed her eyes in complete defeat. This night had gone from bad to worse and now she was going to pay for her midnight excursion. Lucinda finally turned around and opened her eyes.

"Professor Snape..." She said quietly.

"You _must..._ be joking..." He said slowly, his voice slightly groggy sounding - she wondered if he'd actually been asleep, even though she'd seen his light on. "Do you have any idea how much trouble you're in? What are you doing down here at this hour?"

It was strange how comforted she felt at the first signs of anger in his tone. For a moment, she could pretend that he still knew who she was. "I-I can explain about that."

"Yes," he snapped. "You will. Step into my classroom - now."

Lucinda did what she was told and ignored the maniacal beating of her heart. Peeves was already gone with another burst of laughter trailing behind him. The torches in the classroom lit themselves in a puff of steam as Snape walked past each of them and the girl's stomach flipped in turn. She walked tentatively behind him.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled at his back. "I wasn't trying to get into mischief. I swear it. I wouldn't have done it if it wasn't absolutely necessary."

"Necessary?" He scoffed without turning around. He reached his desk and then sat down in his chair with sharp precision.

"Yes, my blood sugar w-was dropping and I didn't have anything in my dormitory-"

"And?" He raised a brow condescendingly at her. "What of it? You decided to go to the kitchens and have a little snack? Do you know how strictly against the rules that is? Could it not have waited until morning-"

" _No,_ " she said so forcefully that Snape looked back at her quizzically.

"Do you have special privileges or something?"

"I'm... I'm hypoglycemic." She muttered with distaste and looked away from the man. This was so humiliating...

"Oh yes," Snape suddenly said with understanding, looking her up and down (though the air of him never changed from that of slight annoyance). "You're the student with that condition."

Lucinda nodded once and still looked away from him. The firelight from the torches cast elongated shadows into the corners of the room and she shivered again, imagining them swallowing her up.

"I'm sure you're quite aware of your own situation..." He stated slowly. "You should have made sure to eat at dinner. Why didn't you?"

The girl stayed silent. She was trying not to start crying in front of him again, because being forced together with her professor like this was a bitter reminder of how things were now. It was like starting all over again... but perhaps that wasn't such a bad thing. She tried to focus on that - the idea that they could start over. "It doesn't matter," she admitted finally with a soft sigh. "Can't you just take points from me already or give me detention? I would like to go to bed."

When he didn't answer, Lucinda turned her eyes on him again. She wasn't expecting him to be staring at her so fixedly, but he was. He also held a small piece of parchment between his thumb and index finger while he watched her. He looked from her to the paper and then back again. "I won't give you detention, albeit I should... if you tell me what this means."

Lucinda's own eyes shifted to the paper. Then, slowly, she stepped close enough to him to reach forward and pinch a corner of the parchment between her fingers. He didn't let go right away. He locked eyes with her, while they both held onto the paper. He was watching for a waver in her gaze, the dilation of her pupils - anything to alert him of her deceit... but he saw nothing except caution in her eyes. Caution and... the beginnings of a sadness that seemed to be increasing by the day.

Lucinda pulled slightly and Snape let the paper slide from his fingers. Then he crossed one leg over the other and folded his hands atop them, watching her.

The girl looked down at the parchment and recognized her handwriting instantly. She was so surprised by it, that she couldn't even hide her astonishment. "Where..." she said quietly, almost to herself. "Where did you get this?"

"So it is yours."

Lucinda swallowed something scratchy in her throat and then nodded. "Yes," she replied with more reluctance. "This is mine... Where did you get it?"

"What does it mean?" He asked again, ignoring her question.

Lucinda read the different things she'd written, turning the paper over and then back again. It hardly meant anything. She wrote on a lot of bits of parchment whenever she was thinking about potions and an idea struck her. This particular one... was also meaningless. It was just for a lip-plumping serum. It didn't really matter. It was just another one of her experiments. The fact that Snape seemed so curious about it made her almost want to laugh. How ridiculous... "It's meaningless," she said at last, holding it back out to him. "Just some meaningless notes."

Snape didn't make a move to take the parchment back. He glanced at it quickly and then stared at her again, eyes shifting over her face rapidly before they finally settled. "It has my name on it," he snapped a little defensively. "It must have been important enough that you wished to ask me about it."

"I'm sorry, professor-" (she shook the note at him just a little) "-but, as you can see, I've scratched that out."

He paused again, eyes trailing over her face. "What changed your mind?" He already knew what, but he wanted her to say it. He wanted confirmation of her fear of him, for no real reason except to prove that they were all the same...

Lucinda sighed in frustration and dropped her hand back to her side, squeezing the paper into a fist. "No offense or anything, but I just didn't want to talk to you at the time."

He was about to smile in smug satisfaction at the thought that his assumptions had been correct, but the end of her sentence made him backtrack. He looked once more at the note now barely visible in her tightly wound fist and then settled his gaze on her face again. "At the time?" He questioned and Lucinda thought she heard surprise in his voice. "So, you feel differently now?"

This time Lucinda audibly scoffed at the thought of it. Her fear of getting caught was well and gone now that she had, indeed, been caught and her mouth ran away with her. "I don't feel differently now, no." She could tell he was surprised now. She caught him so off guard with her words that he didn't even bother trying to hide his astonishment. The wide look he gave her was enough to make her realize she'd spoken more rudely than she'd meant to.

Snape leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms over his torso, regarding the girl with a slow glare. "Are you that afraid of me?" His voice was menacing, but there was just the slightest softness towards the end of his question and, for that, Lucinda abandoned her apathetic stance. She looked at him with... well, sympathy.

"No, professor Snape," she said gently, trying to look deep enough into his eyes that he would somehow remember her. "I am not at all afraid of you."

Her Potions professor fell silent. His glare diminished just as slowly as it had come and he eventually cleared his throat and leaned forward, placing his folded hands atop his desk. "Well, go on then," he snipped. "What would you like to ask me?"

Lucinda couldn't help the small sigh that escaped her. Did he realize how insane he sounded? It was the middle of the night and he wished to discuss a simple potion recipe with her _right now?_ Yes, she was caught out of bed and should not leave until she was dismissed by him, but this was crazy. She wasn't going to be manipulated by his enormous ego. She wasn't falling for it.

"Nothing." She said and clasped her hands behind her back, straightening her shoulders (the piece of parchment was sandwiched between her palms).

The potions master paused - nostrils flaring - and the glare was back. "Either tell me what ailed you on that bit of parchment," he growled, "or you will receive detention."

The girl looked back at him in disbelief. It was happening all over again. How was this possible? He acted as if he had no memory of her, but then he also acted in just the same way he used to when they first met. He was roping her into detention. He was dangling the ultimatum over her head with no shame. He was acting _selfishly_ , like always!

Lucinda suddenly brought the parchment back in front of her in a fit of fury and tore it to pieces as fast as she could. Then, quite carelessly, she tossed the bits into the air between them. As paper fluttered down around them like false snow, Snape didn't move. He didn't show the slightest motion at her outburst at all, even while the girl in front of him blew each breath out of her in huffs. She was extremely agitated and he weighed the situation carefully, before delicately reaching forward and brushing a few of the bits of white from his desk. This angered her further and she tried to hide it by not saying another word.

Snape looked calmly up at her, but she saw a muscle working in his cheek. "No need for _temper tantrums_." He spat with deliberate emphasis on his "t's".

Lucinda's face grew dark in the torchlight and Snape couldn't tell if it was a blush of embarrassment or rage... Maybe it was both. Either way, he wasn't standing for it. If she didn't want his help, fine, but he was not going to sit there and allow a student - a little _Gryffindor_ student - to be so coarse with him on the very rare occasion that he was willing to be helpful to them. What an ungrateful little brat...

"You may go," he waved her away with a sour look and leaned back in his chair to face away from her. "And you have detention," he added with grim satisfaction. "Congratulations - I assume that's what you wanted."

Lucinda closed her eyes and sighed, long and loud. "Great." She mumbled and turned away from him.

"What's wrong little, Gryffindor girl?" He mocked her nastily. "You _wanted_ detention, didn't you?"

Something prickled at the back of Lucinda's mind and she slowly turned to look at him again.

He sneered back at her.

"What?" She muttered, eyes slightly wide. "What did you call me?"

"Hmm?" He leaned an ear toward her, eyebrows arching up in vague interest. "What was that?"

"Why did you call me that?" She asked, voice growing louder, as she stared back at him with vigilance.

Snape watched her - half curious and half... reproachful. "What do you mean? I called you a Gryffindor. That _is_ what you are."

Lucinda just shook her head a little in bewilderment. She was going mad, if she wasn't already. She continued to stare at her professor distractedly, trying not to let the moment overwhelm her. She slowly backed away from him and his eyes followed her with increasing apprehension.

"Miss Morgan?" He suddenly said with curiosity, but she was already to the door. He stood up just as she sprinted from the classroom. He stared at the spot where she just was and felt a twisting in his mind like he'd never experienced before. It was along the same feeling that plagued him as of late, but this time it felt as though he'd come face to face with the monster, when before it was only its shadow he'd been seeing. Her behavior was too strange to ignore. He couldn't ignore it. He _couldn't_ ignore her. Regardless of what he didn't want himself to know... because it just became imminently clear that this girl had something to do with the collection of memories sitting locked away in his office.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A quick reminder. When it comes to positioning of rooms, classrooms, points of interest, etc... I try to be as accurate as possible, in combination with the movies and books. If you find inaccuracies, like where Snape's office and classroom actually are in accordance with the kitchens... just ignore it. Haha. I don't even know what I'm doing.


	37. A Budding & Horrific Affection

There were probably several points Lucinda could make for the argument of not telling Tristin what happened in the potions classroom that night, but when it came down to it, he was going to find out. At least, she knew she couldn't keep the _whole_ story from him. She'd foolishly gotten dentention for her stupidity - _that_ much her boyfriend was going to need to know about. She couldn't tell him that she'd been in his classroom in the middle of the night, for obvious reasons - one of them being, most importantly, that she didn't want him knowing she'd been going into a hypoglycemic coma. So, what would she tell him? Why did she get dentention?

"You tore up your notes and threw them in his face?"

So, she went with the truth, more or less.

"I didn't want to talk to him," Lucinda replied, buttering a thick slice of bread at the Slytherin table in the Great Hall. "I've been keeping my word to you. I wasn't going to have a conversation with him if it wasn't about his class, specifically."

Tristin stared at her a minute, chewing slowly, eyes slightly narrowed... but then he shrugged and took a sip from his goblet. "I already told you I'm not being strict anymore," he waved a hand at her. "He doesn't remember you, so there's no point. If you keep getting snippy with him and having fits like that, you're just going to push him further away." Then he added with a grin. "So, I guess that's good news for me."

Lucinda shoved the bread into her mouth so she didn't have to respond. In all honestly, she felt relieved. Tristin had slowly been becoming more and more like his previous self and Lucinda felt like the naive parts of her were flaring up and accepting it. She was starting to believe his kindness like she had before. No, he was nowhere near the beautiful boy inside and out that she knew before Christmas break, but parts of that boy were beginning to shine through again. He could have been a lot meaner about her explanation. He could have asked for more details, like when this declaration of detention took place... but he didn't. He didn't push it and, although he seemed to be amused at professor Snape's "forgetfulness", he was being fairly nice about it. If Lucinda hadn't already witnessed the monster that resided within him, she might have been duped, but thankfully he'd already shown her his true colors... And that was his mistake.

"So, when did this happen?"

Lucinda was swallowing a mouthful of pumpkin juice when he asked this and she choked on it. She coughed and sputtered and Tristin patted her back, looking a bit alarmed.

"Sorry-" Lucinda coughed more and cleared her throat, cheeks going slightly red. "Went down the wrong pipe."

"Mm..." The boy acknowledged with another careful look at the side of her pink face. Then he waited a moment before asking her again, "When did he give you detention?"

Lucinda looked at him, face blank. "T-today," she finally stammered out. "In class. Before lunch."

It was absolutely false. She hadn't spoken to Snape _at all_ in class. He must have been pissed at her from the night before, because he completely ignored her and stayed silent for most of the period. In fact, the whole class seemed to be unusually quiet, but Lucinda was pretty sure it was only because she'd been used to Aurora's voice in her ear during class. They hadn't spoken yet and Lucinda was still hurt by their conversation the night before, so she sat on the other side of the room. She realized too late that the table she'd sat at was the same one Gabe now occupied, but when he entered class he gave her a somewhat startled look (and she, him) and then abruptly hurried to the next table. No one else ended up sitting with Lucinda and she did her potions work alone. Class came to a close, she put her potion on Snape's desk and he never looked at her once. She left class and met Tristin at the doorway. They walked to the Great Hall together and now here they were: at lunch.

"Mm..." Tristin acknowledged again, but this time he stared at her unwavering. "When do you have to serve it?"

"I... I'm not sure.." she said quietly and glanced up at the subject of their discussion at the staff table. The man looked away from her as her eyes reached his and Lucinda felt her heart hammer a little harder in her chest. He'd been looking at her. Why had he been looking at her? "He hasn't told me yet," she continued and placed her attention on her plate instead. "He'll probably do what he did in the past and... I don't know, tell me to stay after class or something and serve it then."

Tristin watched her. Then he watched their potions professor. He sunk his chin into his fist and rested it there, musing over the situation; over _her_ ; over the other man. Things were getting so interesting and this time he hadn't lifted a finger. Now it was time to come full circle. It was time to completely throw her for a loop.

"Well..." the boy finally said and smirked at her. "Don't be so stubborn next time he wants to hear about your extracurricular potions. Tell him about it and be done with it. _Humor_ him, I guess you'd say..."

Lucinda stared at him like he'd just told her to make out with Severus and to let him watch. What he said was ludicrous. He couldn't mean it. He wouldn't let her just... speak so informally to her professor all of a sudden. What exactly was his motive?

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Tristin laughed and placed his hand over hers on the bench between them. Lucinda wasn't expecting it and jumped. "Hey, hey calm down," he whispered and laced his fingers within hers, holding her hand tightly against his. "I'm not messing with you - honest."

"Sorry," Lucinda apologized again and put her free hand to her forehead. "I'm just jumpy, I guess. Not sure why..." Of course she knew why. Tristin was up to something. He was a ticking-time-bomb. Any moment and his kind facade was going to crumble and he was going to lash out violently. She couldn't be manipulated by him. She had to keep him as the monster that he was in her mind. She couldn't forget the things he'd said to her and the things he'd done...

"Can I kiss you?" Tristin whispered suddenly.

Lucinda stared at him again with that look of slight bewilderment. Why did he ask? There had already been several times in the last couple weeks that he simply leaned in and kissed her whenever he wanted. Whatever this was - whatever kind of _test_ he was trying to put her through - it wasn't going to work. She wasn't going to fall into his trap and get into trouble with him. So, she said, "Of course you can. You know that."

Tristin's eyes shifted over her face for a moment, but then he smiled. "I'm glad," he said and leaned in close to her, but he didn't kiss her. He only went halfway.

Lucinda's heart jumped back into life as she watched him watching her. His black eyes trailed over her face again, but this time slower. They came to rest on her lips and he licked his, eyes moving back up to look into hers. Lucinda glanced down at his lips, as well, out of reflex at his close proximity. She couldn't be sure, but she had a pretty good idea that this was natural behavior for anyone who got too close: your eyes natural went to their mouth.

"Will you kiss me?" He whispered even softer and glanced at her lips, once more, except this time his eyes stayed on them. He leaned just a fraction closer. Lucinda felt herself instantly gravitate toward him. It was like second nature. The want and the need was automatic and she suddenly felt the urge to fulfill his wish. She leaned closer to him and felt his breath across her face. Then they were two inches apart... one inch apart... Tristin lifted a hand to her jaw and slid it to the nape of her neck and then their noses touched. He tilted his head just a little, lips brushing first across the corner of her mouth and then he fully covered her mouth with his. Lucinda's eyes closed at the contact and then her lips parted, succumbing to the kiss.

The next second, the whole table erupted in a teasing, "woooooo!" and Lucinda broke away from him to cover her face in embarrassment. The surrounding Slytherins clapped and laughed at her and she quietly went back to her plate and continued eating without another word. Tristin, on the other hand, looked pointedly up at the staff table where he met the other man's black eyes. Both stared at one another. Snape's look was fairly blank, but it _was_ peculiar that he would continue to stare him down. Tristin couldn't help the self-satisfied smirk that grew on his lips and all the while, Snape just stared at him with no reaction...

* * *

There was something between them. It was blatantly obvious when she acted the way that she did around him. Whether it was that they had grown close, something serious had happened, something... dare he say inappropriate? Perhaps he had witnessed something he wanted to forget about... Maybe to protect her or himself or someone else... Maybe she had nothing to do with the memories at all. There was no way to know without either asking her or finally looking at the memories. Severus opted for neither.

He ignored her. That was the safe thing to do. If he had been idiotic enough to get involved with a student, _no matter the context,_ he wasn't going to backtrack and screw it up by getting involved with her again. That is... until the moment in the Great Hall.

He'd been watching her from afar, starting in the potions classroom, because he found it strange that she wasn't sitting with the Borealis girl. Normally he wouldn't notice or care, but since the girl was so fresh in his mind, he couldn't _help_ but notice. Then the Gabriel boy pointedly refused to sit with her. She was curiously quiet and even seemed to be a little upset by the way her brow knit together every so often, yet her potion was perfect once he looked it over at the end of class.

His wondering about her reached its peak during lunch. She was at the Slytherin table. Snape knew, or at least he assumed, that she was probably dating Samael, but he'd rarely seen a Gryffindor at the Slytherin table; perhaps never. It made sense that couples would want to sit together, but it was crazy to imagine a Gryffindor dating a Slytherin... especially one as twisted and vile as _Samael..._

Maybe that's why the potions master was staring at her so fixedly. He was lost in thought as to why this seemingly gentle and smart girl was interested in such a loathsome piece of shit. She had to know that he was one. I mean, the guy unashamedly laughed at her while she was being reprimanded for her potions essay. Something was off. Something wasn't right...

Once again, he normally wouldn't care - and perhaps he didn't exactly care now - but this girl held some kind of importance in his mind (important enough to keep something as stupid as a scrap of potion notes) and for that, he found that he didn't _like_ that she was dating Samael Scum...

Then came the kiss.

Again, the shameful feelings flared up: his anger. Was it anger? Perhaps it was disgust. That could be it. He was disgusted at seeing Samael kiss _anyone._ Snape chewed the inside of his cheek and looked at one of the surrounding female Slytherins. He imagined the boy kissing her instead.

Disgusting... it was definitely disgusting... but he felt no anger. He experimented with a few more random girls in his mind (even though it was starting to make him feel like a creep) and the outcome was the same. Disgusted, yes. Angry? No... It was only when he was kissing Lucinda Morgan that he felt his face grow hot and his throat began to tighten with anxiety.

Luckily for Snape, he rarely showed how he was feeling on the outside. His face was little more than blank as the Slytherin prefect looked up at the staff table. Was he looking at him? Was he deliberately trying to stare him down and was that a - a _smirk?_ Severus gripped his fork and clenched his teeth. What in the literal _fuck_ was going on..?

Lunch ended and Severus watched the girl leave with the boy. The students filed out and he sat, thinking. His anger didn't end. It continued to grow, slowly. He left the Great Hall and made his way downstairs to his office. He locked the door behind him, marched to the cabinet behind his desk, unlocked that, stared at the little vials of memories and felt the infuriation rising in his blood.

_don't look_

_I will look if I want to!_ Severus thought heatedly and snatched one of the bottles off of the shelf. He pulled open the drawer below that revealed his yet-to-be-used Pensieve, waved his wand over it and the liquid inside clouded over. He held the little bottle over top the basin, hand shaking slightly. He pulled the tiny cork out. He tipped the bottle. The liquid inside shimmered at the edge, ready to spill into the Pensieve below, but Severus kept his hand still then. The breath leaving him was ragged and broken, as he stared at the milky substance clinging to the rim of the vial. His hand shook more and finally he re-corked the bottle with a shuddering sigh. This was not that way...

However, when he went to put the bottle back in its place, one single drop from the memory slid from the crack between the cork and the neck of the bottle and fell, landing in the Pensieve's water below with a gentle " _poit"._

The honorable part of Severus turned around instantly, not wanting to see whatever might manifest on the water's surface. His heart was beating faster than usual, mostly because he had no idea what might show itself; what he might learn from one little drop of a memory...

Unexpectedly - although he should have expected it - Severus suddenly heard a voice behind him. It was quiet, spoken softly.

" _Professor..._ " It echoed slightly in the room and it was _her_ voice, as he somewhat expected it would be. He held his breath as the voice continued behind him and he felt helpless to stop it. " _Are we not friends?_ "

His heart thundered so violently behind his ribcage, he thought his vision might start to swim. Then he heard his own voice answer the girl's.

" _No."_ He said and Severus couldn't help it - he turned around in that instant and stared into the basin. What he saw was the girl staring back at him, chocolate eyes full of hurt and betrayal. He put his hand to his forehead, sliding his fingers back into his hair and fisting a handful of it in distress at what he was seeing. The girl's lips seemed to move in slow motion as she responded again.

" _No?_ " She questioned in disbelief and he was feeling the moment all over again, watching her eyes begin to tear up. He remembered the moment, but nothing outside of it. He already knew what he was going to say next...

" _No, you can't be friends with a teacher."_

"No, you can't be friends with a teacher."

He spoke in unison with his past self. Before the girl could respond, the memory dissolved and then it was gone. The Pensieve was fairly still and quiet, once more. The clouded liquid swirled around and he watched it, finally letting his breath out.

He was right. He shouldn't have looked. Because now he had been teased. He regained one single moment from this mystery and not being able to remember anything else was infuriating, especially since he knew what he was feeling for this girl during that single moment...

A budding and horrific affection.

* * *

"Will you just talk to me?"

"Why should I?" Lucinda said to the girl following behind her. The rest of the day had passed in silence between the two girls, even though they had other classes together. Lucinda sat somewhere else in each of those classes and Aurora was left giving her side glances, but Lucy kept her eyes on the professor or her work. She sat with Tristin during breakfast and lunch in the Great Hall and now they were headed for supper, where Lucinda planned to sit with him again.

"I didn't mean it when I said I was writing you off!" Aurora called ahead of her. "I was just trying to be hurtful and it was wrong. Come on, Lucy, just talk to me!"

Lucinda spun around on the spot as they arrived at the top of the marble staircase in the entrance hall. "Okay, what do you want to talk about?" She said in mock interest, raising her eyebrows up. "You want to tell me who I should be dating and who I should be talking to?"

"I didn't mean to make it sound that-"

"What, you didn't mean to treat me like your _child?_ " Lucinda cut her off with a sarcastic retort. "Gee, I didn't realize that I had _two_ over-bearing mothers-"

"I'm trying to be your _friend!_ " The silver-haired girl screeched. "Stop acting so self-important!"

Lucinda's lips pressed together in a tight, thin line and she shook her head. "How can you say you want to be my friend?" She asked quietly, voice falling from its previous level. "You won't listen to me-"

"I _have_ been listening to you. You've just been talking nonsense about-"

"-I'm dating Tristin, Rorie. That's what you wanted right?" Lucinda asked, voice now falling to a whisper, although no one was on the stairs to hear them. "Regardless of what I want or how I feel... What kind of friend is _that?_ "

"Lucy..."

"I'm going to supper-" the girl turned around and her dark curls bounded down the stairs. "Give Clover my best. I'll be sitting with my _boyfriend."_

Aurora's pride, once again, did not allow her to chase after the girl. She watched her go and meet the aforementioned boyfriend at the entrance to the Great Hall and go inside. Then she slowly made her way down the marble staircase on her own. When she got to the bottom, a door opened to her left and Xavier Michael came out of it, followed by Madam Pomfrey. They both had their winter cloaks on. She didn't mean to pause and stare, but the boy caught her eye anyway. He looked particularly pale this evening, but he smiled at her anyway and she thought she even saw him wink.

"How are you feeling?" Aurora asked stiffly, ignoring the suggestive gesture and stepped closer to the two.

"Why?" X grinned, fastening a button under his chin. "You worried about me?"

"Hardly." Aurora sniffed and looked away from him, crossing her arms.

"Well, regardless," the red-head replied and continued forward toward the double doors to the outside. "I'm fine. No need to worry your perfect, little head."

The girl rolled her eyes and watched the two walk away. "Where are you going?" She called.

X looked over his shoulder as he reached for the door handle. "Got some business to attend to."

"Like?" Aurora pressed, though she did so in an offhand manner, slowly making her way to the Great Hall.

Xavier opened the door and Madam Pomfrey walked out. Then the boy turned and looked at the girl watching him. "Like a funeral." He said.

Aurora's white eyebrows drew down, but she didn't say anything and he didn't either. He gave her a weak smile and a small wave and then he left, shutting the door behind him. Students passed her and headed into the Great Hall, but she just stared at the front door for a minute longer.

"A... funeral?" She repeated to herself.

* * *

"You're very quiet."

Lucinda looked up from her bowl of chicken soup. It was one of the Slytherins who usually sat at Tristin's table who'd spoken. How very strange... "Am I not always quiet?" She asked. She saw her boyfriend look up, as well, in her peripheral vision.

"Sometimes you speak." The boy answered blankly and then went back to his own soup. He didn't say anything more. He had a dark complexion and even darker circles under his brown eyes. Lucinda thought he might have plain brown hair to match, but his head was shaved, so it was too hard to tell.

Tristin narrowed his eyes a little, but then he turned his attention back on his girlfriend. "You _are_ very quiet," he observed. "Did something happen?"

Lucinda shrugged. "Just got in a fight with Rorie, is all."

"You're bothered by it, obviously..." Tristin scoffed, but not unkindly. "What was the fight about?"

Lucinda fell silent and the boy instantly knew the fight was about him. He said nothing on it, though. "It doesn't matter," she said finally. "She's being selfish, so we're not friends right now."

"Whaa?" Tristin laughed, disbelieving. "You two? Not friends?"

"That's what I said," Lucinda proclaimed dryly. "And it's going to stay that way until she can learn to trust me."

Tristin audibly sighed and rested his chin in his palm, staring at her. "I'm so glad you're confiding in me," he stated happily.

"Who else do I have to talk to now?" Lucinda said before she could stop herself.

Tristin fell silent and Lucinda didn't even care anymore. Aurora didn't believe or trust her, Severus no longer spoke to her either (and there was the little detail of him having forgot her completely), X was preoccupied with whatever was going on in his life, and Gabe was keeping the snub going like usual. Everything had gone wrong. Her time at Hogwarts was turning into the worst time of her life. She was happy that Tristin was at least being nice to her now, but who knew how long it was going to last? And no matter how nice he was, it wasn't going to make her want to be with him. What was there to do? She was going to continue being with him until she could finally get away from him after they graduated. Hogwarts was no longer cherished in her mind; it was just a place to house her sadness and mistakes and eventually she'd be able to leave it all behind. She was going to continue to do her work and get as many perfect marks as she could and then, after all of this was behind her, she was going to build her life around the experiments that she loved. She just had to remember that this was temporary. It wasn't going to last forever...

"Are you finished eating?"

Lucinda lifted her eyes from her bowl and raised them just to the table top. She couldn't have heard what she thought she heard: _his_ voice. Why would he approach her all of the sudden? She lifted her eyes all of the way. Professor Snape stood just behind the bald Slytherin boy. He was staring at her.

"Um..." she said, glancing down at her nearly empty bowl and then to Tristin next to her, then back up to their professor. "I-I guess so?"

Tristin glanced between the two of them, but he didn't comment.

"Then, please, come with me." Snape said.

There was no emotion behind his words. Lucinda swallowed tightly and her heart started its ascent into her throat. "Why?" She asked, glancing at Tristin again.

"To serve your detention - is there a reason you keep looking at him?" He suddenly asked with just a little bite to his voice.

Lucinda stared straight ahead and swallowed again. It was very difficult to do, as she felt her tongue swelling up. "I don't know, I just-"

"Do you need his permission or something?" The man continued on, voice growing a little more with irritation. The girl felt herself shut down.

Tristin - to Lucinda's surprise - actually laughed. "Of course she doesn't need my permission," he said and reached over to squeeze her hand. "Lucy can do whatever she wants. Well-" he added, "as long as it's within her rights without breaking school rules, of course, _professor-_ "

"Thank you for that, Samael," Snape drawled in obvious annoyance at the boy. "I had no idea. Now, maybe just keep your comments to yourself next time."

"Sorry, professor Snape," he laughed again and let go of the girl's hand. "I'll be as quiet as a mouse from here on out."

Snape looked away from him in disgust and stared at the girl on the other side of the table again. "Miss Morgan..." he said, voice shaking just in the slightest, "...is there any particular reason you have not yet stood up or is it that you wish to receive another detention? Perhaps points taken away?"

Lucinda still didn't look at him, but she did finally stand. She looked at Tristin again, but his focus was back on his food. When she slowly walked past him, he said cheerfully, "see ya tomorrow, Lucy!" and she continued on, content that it seemed to be okay.

Snape quickly walked through the aisle on the other side of the table and then stood in the entrance hall, waiting for the girl to catch up. Even when she finally arrived, she didn't look up at him. She stared somewhere near his black boots. If he was waiting for her acknowledgement, he didn't show it or let it be known. He quietly turned and headed through the door to the dungeons and Lucinda followed slowly behind.

Once they were a flight of stairs down, Snape walked a little slower, but he still stayed ahead of her. He listened to her shuffling footsteps as they went and his agitation and confusion grew until they arrived at his classroom. Snape went to the cabinet at the back of the room once inside and then turned around to look at the girl. She stepped into the center of the room, but then she was still and didn't say anything. She waited. Snape waited.

"Come _here..._ " he said when he couldn't deal with her unresponsiveness anymore.

Lucinda silently obeyed and walked to him. Her eyes stayed on the floor.

"Well..." Snape said angrily, unable to hide his feelings, at all, at the moment. "I didn't peg you for being disrespectful, but it seems that I was wrong."

Lucinda knit her brow and raised her eyes to chest level.

" _Look at me._ " Snape ground out.

She raised her eyes to his mouth and couldn't seem to go any higher than that. She had to keep her composure. She had to keep in all of what she was feeling inside. This man didn't know her. It would be like unloading on a stranger. And because of that fact, Lucinda felt her eyes beginning to water. Through blurred vision, she saw the man's lips press tightly together.

"Are you that upset about the detention?" He asked and Lucinda, at last, brought her eyes up to his. He watched her intensely, but he didn't look as angry as he sounded.

Lucinda shook her head and one of the built up tears fell from the corner of her eye.

Snape's eyebrows drew together. "You should not have this much sadness."

"How would you know?" She whispered and a tear fell from the other eye.

Snape wanted to shake her. What was wrong with her? What had he done to her that she had begun to cry so often in front of him now? "I guess I wouldn't," he admitted tightly and then opened the cabinet next to him. "Take whatever you need and work quietly." Then he walked past her.

Lucinda stared at the now exposed shelves in front of her and wiped her cheeks with her fingerstips. She sniffed and then looked over her shoulder at the man's retreating form. "What do you want me to do?" She asked, as he sat at his desk.

Severus looked up at her and then his voice was softer as he replied, "Whatever you'd like..." Then he added in a mumble, "Just don't blow us up."

A few minutes later Lucinda had taken a cauldron and several ingredients from the cabinet and made her way to the front of the classroom to sit down at the table across from her professor's desk. She could have chosen one further from him, but she didn't want to. Even though it wasn't the same as it used to be, his presence brought her comfort - even if it _was_ laced with sadness.

Nearly thirty minutes passed in comfortable silence (save for the bubbling from the cauldron and Snape's quill scratching away at parchment) and Lucinda's mood had shifted completely. Her heart settled down and so did her mind. Potion making was truly therapeutic for her. She measured out her ingredients and stirred them in, feeling herself smile slightly when the concoction began to turn purple. Then she added castor beans and left it to simmer, once more.

"Enjoying yourself?" Snape asked after a few more minutes went by.

Lucinda looked up and her face fell out of reflex. "S-Sorry," she stammered and looked back down at her work. "I wasn't meaning to."

"Don't apologize," he snapped and Lucinda looked up again at his biting tone. "The purpose of you being here was for your enjoyment."

Lucinda stared at him in confusion. "What?"

"Did you not hear me?"

"No, I heard you, but..." Lucinda glanced at her potion and then back up to the black eyes watching her. "I'm serving a detention. Why would I... be happy about that?"

Snape looked to the ceiling and then at her cauldron and motioned toward it. "I let you make whatever you wanted, did I not?"

Lucinda nodded slowly. "Most people wouldn't call that enjoyable, though..." She stated, eyebrows raised.

The potions professor locked eyes with her and neither blinked. "But you _do_ enjoy it." He stated back.

Lucinda paused and then nodded again, even slower. "I do."

"So what is the problem, then?" Snape finally looked down with a grunt and picked his quill back up.

Lucinda's confusion grew and she turned her attention back to her potion, adding wormwood to it, as it had now turned orange. "The problem is that you have no reason to want my happiness..." she mumbled while she put pinches of the ingredient into the cauldron until it began to turn yellow.

"You've been upset..."

Lucinda was surprised he responded and it caused her to look at him again, as she waved her wand over the now finished potion. Her surprise increased upon seeing that he was looking at her, as well. She watched him with an unwavering gaze and then asked, "What does that matter?"

Snape thought about his next words, but found no reason to lie. Her unhappiness affected him. It was true now and it seemed to be true in the past. He chewed the inside of his cheek, but then spoke anyway. "I don't particularly like it when you're upset." He said, still keeping her regard.

Lucinda's brow drew down in that confused stance, but now there was the shadow of something more in her eyes. "But..." she said quietly. " _Why_..?"

Snape stood, still watching her. He walked forward until he was in front of her table and her head tilted up to keep their eye contact. He clenched and unclenched his jaw, remembering the snippet of memory he'd witnessed and the look on her face then. "I don't know," he admitted and then looked into her cauldron. "Is that..?" He trailed off.

"Euphoria." Lucinda followed his line of vision. "I thought it was appropriate, but I may have made it a little strong in my enthusiasm."

Snape bent down and sniffed the potion. "Hm," he mused and took the clear flask that she'd set beside her ingredients and dipped it into the sunshine colored liquid. Once it filled, he then proceeded to bring it back up to eye level and scrutinize it closely inside the glass. "Strong or not..." He continued quietly (mostly to himself). "It's... surprisingly perfect."

"Would you like to share it?"

Snape's eyes snapped back to the girl's. She smiled a very small smile at him and he felt his guts twist up into knots. "Share it?"

"You didn't seem to be in the best mood either," she observed and began putting her left-over ingredients back in their bottles. "I thought maybe you could use a pick-me-up."

Snape thought again about his next words and decided to ask something he'd been wondering about. He watched her face closely, as he asked in little more than a whisper: "Are we friends?"

Lucinda's hands froze in their movements and then she slowly raised her head to meet his gaze. Her lips parted in subtle astonishment at his words. Did he really just say what she thought he said? Was he drunk? Did he remember her somehow? "Um... not really." She decided to answer. "Why would you ask me that?"

The potions master twisted the glass flask between his fingers and watched her, as if he were now scrutinizing her. "Because you act too comfortably around me when your guard is down." He declared.

Lucinda made the mistake of looking away from him then and her face said it all. He had his answer. They were close. All he did was show her a little kindness and she came out of her shell. They had some type of intimate relationship. As for _how_ intimate, he didn't know. He also wasn't sure whether or not to push the issue. Without knowing any details, there was no way to know how far was too far. Then there was the most important issue of all: _he_ had taken his own memories and stored them away. _He_ had told himself not to look at them. He wouldn't have done something so drastic if he didn't have a definitive reason to.

So, then it came down to this: should he drag this girl into his own problem, when it wasn't clear yet whether or not she _was_ a part of the problem?

"Professor Snape..." Lucinda said.

Severus was taken from his thoughts and brought back to reality and the girl who sat before him. She still wasn't looking at him. "Yes?" He said.

"C-Can I have my flask back?"

Snape looked down at the object in his hand and sighed. "Yes, of course," he said and held it out to her.

Lucinda grasped the glass between her fingers, but Snape didn't let go, so she was forced to look at him to find out why... And he was staring at her with a troubled expression.

"Professor?"

_Professor... are we not friends?_

He saw her glistening eyes in his mind; the pain that they held... because of him. The memory was haunting him. The very real feelings he'd felt in that minuscule memory were tearing at his subconscious. He thought he could keep quiet, but it was too difficult. Something was still pushing at the back of his mind. It was pushing him to not let go - for the love of Merlin, _don't let go._

Lucinda tugged a little on the flask and Snape let it slide from his fingers. Then something connected in the back of his mind and his hand automatically reached back out in a flash and grasped her wrist to still the retreating hand. Lucinda's eyes widened on him in alarm.

"What are you-"

"What is it that you mean to me?" Snape cut her off suddenly, voice peculiarly urgent and accusing.

To say Lucinda's heart was going to beat out of her chest was an understatement. Her professor's grip on her was firm and warm, but it was definitely not something she expected him to do. He'd caught her as far off guard as he possibly could. "W-What?" She stammered out and her voice shook uncontrollably. "What are you talking about?"

"Do not... lie... to me." He said slowly and deftly, his own eyes slightly wide. "What do you mean to me?"

"How am I supposed to know that?" Lucinda asked incredulously and ripped her arm from his grasp. The flask tumbled from her hand and smashed beneath the table. The girl instantly brought a hand up to hold her forehead and then she sighed long and loud. "Great..." She mumbled and then got out of her seat to crouch down and clean up the mess. Before she'd even had a chance to reach out and pick up a shard, Snape was crouched on the other side of the table, wand out and the next second the flask was intact again. Lucinda stared at the golden liquid inside of it and then looked up at her potions professor. The crash must have brought him back to some kind of saner state, because he no longer looked at her with so much intensity. Lucinda sighed lightly this time and dropped her hand back down to the floor - as it had still been outstretched, ready to pick up the broken glass. He held the flask out to her, saying nothing and she regarded it a moment before fixing him with a hard stare. "Keep it." She snapped. "I'm not drinking Eu-FLOOR-ia."

Snape's composure was lost after that. He looked at her strangely for just a moment and then something incredible happened. He laughed. He actually laughed. It bursted forth from him as if some unknown being had possessed him. When was the last time he'd laughed? He couldn't even recall... Lucinda stared back at him with such a look that he was afraid he'd frightened her. Then, slowly, something else incredible happened... Lucinda suddenly covered her face with her hands and then snorted into her fingers.

This made Severus laugh harder and he fought to regain his composure by biting down on one of his knuckles.

They both laughed together for the first time and all the while, Snape had no idea that this truly was the first time. It was something so small and possibly meaningless, but it meant everything to Lucinda and Snape didn't know it. This moment of happiness was a tease to make her even more miserable and to remind her of what she had lost. It was too much for her to take.

Lucinda's giggling slowed and then stopped all-together and Severus followed suit, becoming silent as he watched her still covering her face. Her hands shook and her shoulders trembled and then, unexpectedly, she let out a tiny sob that she tried to muffle by nearly suffocating herself with her palms.

Snape's face sunk into confusion and he leaned forward, eyes shifting frantically over her huddled form. "Lucinda?" He questioned and he knew he'd made the mistake of calling her by her first name, because then her crying escalated. Snape gaped at her in alarm, unsure of what to do. He set the flask aside that was still in his hand and then flexed his fingers in front of him nervously, debating on whether or not to touch her. He decided to try. He cautiously placed a hand on her shoulder. "Miss Morgan?" He tried again.

Lucinda slowed her crying enough to wipe her face a little and then she stared at him. Her lips trembled and her eyes still continued to leak, but she opened her mouth and spoke. "What do I mean to you?" She questioned back at him and her voice broke. "Nothing." She continued with a shortness to her words. "I don't mean a _thing_ to you."

Severus opened his mouth to respond, but the girl abruptly stood up and paced quickly to the class room door. He stood and followed her, while his mind was watching all of this and screaming "what the FUCK are you doing?!"

"Wait-" Snape said.

"Please, don't follow me," Lucinda pleaded and turned around. "Please... I'm sorry I'm leaving my mess and I'm walking out on my detention or whatever, but please..." She dipped her head down in a subtle bow. "Please, just let me leave."

Snape stretched his arms out in front of him, palms up, and shook his head at her. "What is going on?" He asked, his voice genuinely bewildered. "Miss Morgan, you need to tell what all of this is about. I'm trying to help you-"

"No..." She shook her head and looked at him with exhaustion beginning to creep into her features. "You're trying to help _you._ That's what you've always done. You're selfish and everything you've done thus far has always been for your benifit or your happiness. You've never once thought of what I wanted. You didn't think about how all of this would affect _me._ You didn't consult me before you took away _our_ memories-"

Snape's eyes went wider than ever and he took a step toward her, mouth going slack and eyebrows drawing together in seriousness.

"What? _What?_ " He hissed out and Lucinda covered her mouth. "What are you talking about?" He urged. "What do you know?"

Lucinda closed her eyes and shook her head, mouth still covered. She eventually dropped her hand back down and opened her eyes to look at him apologetically. "I don't know," she whispered. "Honestly, I don't know what you did... But I'm guessing it's because you wanted to forget about me."

"But _why?_ " He pushed, taking several more steps to stand directly in front of her. "Why would I do it?"

Lucinda shrugged helplessly. "I guess it was easier that way."

"Easier for what?"

The girl wiped the tears still clinging to her cheeks and just shook her head again. "That's your problem to deal with... or not deal with."

"What do you know?" He asked again, fully convinced that she knew what had happened and why he'd removed his memories.

Lucinda's eyes shifted over his crazed face and she gave him another apologetic look. "Why don't you ask yourself that?" She said with finality in her voice and ending their conversation. Then she quickly said goodnight and hurried out of the classroom.

Snape let her and didn't try to follow again. He was glued to that spot on the floor, unable to process anything that had just happened. It didn't seem real. He would never act the way he did with a student. It was beyond ridiculous and verged on being preposterous.

He eventually left his classroom to retire to his office, where he sat and stared at the collection of vials behind his desk; the collection of memories of Lucinda Morgan; the collection of unknown feelings and possible heartbreak. He couldn't look at them.

He couldn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Damn, Lucinda does nothing but cry nowadays. Didn't she recently say she wasn't going to cry anymore? I can't remember. Hahaha. I know this chapter was insane. Honestly, none of it would have happened if Snape hadn't seen that teeny tiny bit of memory. It was because it gave him an insight into how he felt during the memory and he couldn't ignore a feeling that he knew he'd genuinely had.


	38. The Conversation

"Have fun serving your detention?"

Lucinda looked up from her porridge. A pair of brown eyes looked back at her from under dark, bushy eyebrows.

"Why would I?" The girl asked and regarded him with just a slight hint of suspicion. "Are detentions supposed to be fun?"

The boy rubbed a hand up and over the back of his shaved head and his blank gaze didn't change. "Do you always answer questions with more questions?" He asked back, but then promptly continued eating his breakfast without waiting for her answer.

Lucinda stared at his bald head and felt a little put off.

"Ignore him." Came the voice of her boyfriend next to her. "He's not a friend."

Lucinda looked at Tristin, expecting to see him with a glare in his eyes, but his black hues were staring off across the Great Hall at nothing in particular. If anything, he looked rather pleasantly bored... almost conversational. Lucinda stole another glance at the Slytherin they were discussing, but the boy continued to eat, unfazed. "Not a friend?" Lucinda whispered from the corner of her mouth at her boyfriend.

Tristin sipped his pumpkin juice and shifted his full attention on her. "So, how was the detention?" He asked with a sympathetic smile, ignoring her own question, and Lucinda frowned slightly. "I swear I'm not taking the Mickey, love-" (he laughed lightly and winked) "-I genuinely want to know how it was."

The girl took a moment to look up at the staff table and saw her potions professor in conversation with the Headmaster. He was the same as always. His face was calm and he spoke with only the subtlest of movements from his lips. Back straight and expression cool, the man seemed ridiculously without troubles. You wouldn't know such a gut-wrenching conversation had taken place between her and this man just the night before...

"It was fine, I guess," she finally answered with a lift of her eyebrows. "It could have gone better. Professor Snape was..." Lucinda twirled her spoon in her porridge, "...sort of unpleasant."

Tristin simpered at her slightly, but she didn't see it. He put a warm hand on her shoulder and squeezed. "Brush it off, Morgan. Snape is tough on you, because you're so brilliant."

Lucinda's eyes snapped to Tristin's face. She didn't even try to conceal her disbelief at his words. "What's with you?" She whispered and the boy across the table from her listened just a little harder. "You're acting weird."

Tristin dropped his hand from her shoulder, but his eyes didn't leave hers. He looked regretful as he chewed the inside of his cheek. "Have I been so terrible of a boyfriend that you now find it suspicious when I'm concerned for you?"

Lucinda didn't answer. She tried to see the deception in his eyes, but she couldn't. He was acting genuine... but that was just it, wasn't it? He was _acting_ genuine... but was he _being_ genuine? Either way, she took too long to respond, because the Slytherin prefect gave a sigh and looked down at the table.

"Never mind," he mumbled and picked up his spoon. "Forget I asked."

Lucinda stared at him a little dumbfounded. Was he pouting? Did she actually make him feel bad? Everyone in her life had completely lost their minds. They were all acting crazy. How was she supposed to respond to the things he was saying, when just last week he'd been so violent with her..?

The two sat in silence for the rest of breakfast and then left together when it was nearly over. Upon passing into the entrance hall, they stopped because there were two people just on the other side of the door talking. It was Clover and Gabe. The boys seemed to be in a heated discussion, though they were speaking fairly quietly. Regardless, Lucinda was able to make out some of the conversation before Gabriel saw them and closed his mouth mid-sentence.

"I don't understand why you did this in the first place." Clover was saying in hushed tones with his back to them. "You act like you still want to be with me, so why are you doing this?"

"It was a mistake." Gabe said back with a pained look. "I wasn't thinking straight when we-" And then he saw them. His eyes met Lucinda's first and he was a bit startled, but then they shifted to the boy at her side and Gabriel's face contorted into fury within a split second. At first, she thought- for whatever ridiculous reason- that he was pissed at _her_ for standing there with Tristin, but then he suddenly turned cold eyes on Clover and she was beyond confused. The boy's usually angelic face expressed in the most vile voice Lucinda had ever heard: "JUST GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!"

Lucinda's eyes grew wide, though she didn't see the boy beside her and the stiff expression on his face. Gabe was like a completely different person. His features were knotted into deep lines of resentment and vehemence and it was all pointed at Clover. _Clover!_ Gentle, sassy and innocent _Clover Borealis._ Lucinda couldn't believe her ears or eyes.

"Gabe-" Lucinda found herself starting to say (she was going to snap at him; ask him what the hell his problem was), but the boy quickly turned and rushed up the marble staircase away from them.

"Don't come near me again!" He yelled behind him, but he kept his neat, blonde head down as he ascended the staircase and left the entrance hall. Lucinda merely gaped after him. Once again, this was just additional confirmation- that she really didn't need- that everyone had lost their bloody minds.

"Clover, are you alright?" Lucinda asked to the tall boy's back, once she'd gotten over her initial shock of the horrid scene. Tristin was silent at her side and she turned to look at him, gauging his reaction to all of this. He was gazing up the stairs with a sharpness to his eyes, but a moment later he looked down at her, blinking away the rigidity and his black hues returned to their relaxed state. Then he looked at Clover.

"Borealis, you good, mate?" He asked sharply.

Clover ran his hand through the silver locks of his deflated mohawk and Lucinda noticed how his fingers shook. He turned away from them and mumbled "I'm fine-", hurrying past to get into the Great Hall.

Lucinda moved out of the way, watching worriedly as his pale face disappeared through the doors. She caught a glimpse of his red-rimmed eyes and her stomach twisted sadly. The girl sighed a little in frustration and looked up at her boyfriend, once more. "What the hell is going on?" She muttered. Tristin looked at her, his expression unreadable. He didn't answer her. He just returned his attention to the top of the stairs, where the short, blonde boy had disappeared. He stared for a long moment. Then, strangely, his smooth eyebrows raised up slightly and he pursed his lips in what could only be discerned as...

_Fascination_.

* * *

When Lucinda walked into Potions, she once again sat on her own. There was a part of her that longed to badger Rorie about how her brother was doing, but there was no way she was going to speak to her now; not after the conversation they'd had the day before. So, she sat alone.

Gabe came in after Lucinda and thankfully sat at the table two down from her in the only other empty seat (besides the one next to her). She didn't really want to be forced to associate with him after the display in the entrance hall during breakfast. Shamefully, she thought maybe Aurora had been right about him. Maybe it was somewhat understandable that she wrote him off if she'd witnessed him treating her brother that way. If Lucinda had any siblings, she assumed she would be very protective over their happiness, as well. Then again, she didn't have siblings. Who knew? Perhaps she would act very differently...

"Today we will be discussing Everlasting Elixirs..." Snape's distinct voice rang out around the room and everyone was quiet as they watched him. Lucinda swallowed tightly and tried to forget about the detention she'd just been serving in that very classroom hours before. "Last year you learned of their names, their components, their purposes and their side-effects..." The man continued his lecture and stared around at them fiercely, weighing each breath and pausing every few seconds. "Now you will be brewing one. You will have one month to perfect it. And before you start to relax-" he added with a knowning glance toward a few particular students, "-this will be a _new_ creation, one of your choice and imagination. You will not have a partner and you will not discuss your elixirs amongst yourselves. These will be revealed at the end of the month. Get creative, but for Merlin's sake, please do not _kill_ anyone..." Then he paused and waved a hand over the chalk board beside him, where a list of bullet points suddenly appeared in his handwriting. "And follow these guidelines."

After finishing up his instructions, Snape walked back to his desk and sat down. Books were thrown open instantly and suddenly there was a flurry of tinkering bottles, scratching quills, low mutters, frustrated sighs and quick feet scampering back and forth from the advanced reference books in the cabinet, to their tables. Lucinda stared a moment at the board, her heart beginning to flutter excitedly. She sucked her bottom lip in between her teeth and tapped her fingertips against her tabletop, thinking...

All other thoughts left her briefly in the light of a new project. Her eyes practically sparkled with anticipation and Snape stole a glance her way. She wasn't looking at him. She was staring off in front of her at the board. If she didn't have such a delighted gleam in her eye, he would have thought she was frozen with fear, not knowing what to do. As it was, he could tell that the wheels in her brain were turning fast and thoughts and ideas were firing off at a rapid pace. Snape pressed his lips together and fought his sudden urge to curl his mouth up in a smirk of satisfaction.

Lucinda lifted her bag to the table and began sifting through it, pulling a text book out, along with two different smaller books, rolls of parchment that were filled to the edges with her writings and a few scraps of paper. She laid it all out in front of her and breathed deeply, lips trembling slightly. If the guidelines for creating an Everlasting Elixir were true and absolute, then she new exactly what she was going to make and it made her beyond ecstatic. She could hardly concentrate on what to do first, because her mind was speeding away too quickly, already steps and steps ahead of her hands. She needed to calm herself and think things through first. She'd made mistakes in the past with her eagerness. Before anything could be done, before she even put a single ingredient on her board to chop or uncorked a single vial, she needed to do the _most_ important thing... research.

Research... and calculations.

* * *

The class period ticked by and mostly everyone was still scratching their heads in agitation and worry. Some had an idea, but most left class without being any closer to what they were going to do for the project. Lucinda had spent half the period flipping through her notes and books and staring up at the board guidelines. Slowly, she pieced it together in her mind and by the second half of class she was scribbling away on a fresh roll of parchment. Her quill moved furiously and her eyes snapped up to the chalkboard every once in a while. She would pause, bite gently at her bottom lip, mull it over again in her mind, check her notes and then continue to write. She was so absorbed and motivated that she didn't even notice the bell had rung and the entire class had left. She only looked up when she was forced to... because her quill had stopped moving - or more so her hand wouldn't move.

Because someone else's hand was holding it still against the parchment.

Lucinda trailed her eyes up the arm and then rested them on the hardened face of her professor. Her pulse quickened and reawakened from its serene state. Before she even had a chance to inquire about the contact between them, Snape let go of her. Her mouth opened slowly and just a little, getting ready to ask what was wrong, but he spoke first.

"I called your name several times, Miss Morgan," he said with just a partial bite to his tone, as he placed his hands in his robes pockets. "Class is over."

Lucinda's eyebrows jumped up in surprise and she turned her head to the empty classroom. "Oh!" She said and snapped into action, standing from her seat and packing her items back into her bag. "I'm sorry, I guess I was a little engrossed in my work-" Something suddenly occurred to her and she whipped her head over to the classroom door. It remained open and empty, and her stomach did a flip. "Where is Tristin?" She found herself saying, mostly out of reflex and to herself.

"Were you expecting him?" Snape questioned anyway, keeping his voice steady and without too much concern. He knew she was expecting him. He'd been getting her from class everyday.

Lucinda looked at him for a beat and then down at the table of notes still there. "Well, yeah..." She mumbled offhand, chewing gently at her lip. "I... I should wait here until he comes." She didn't know why he wouldn't be there to get her, but she also was too weary to change their supposed routine. Lucinda slowly sat back down in her chair.

Severus clenched his jaw in the slightest and took a breath through his nose and out again. His lips parted and his voice warned of a possible faulty performance at the subtle scratchiness when he cleared his throat. He had to get it together...

"By all means, stay as long as you'd like, if you don't have an additional class to attend..." He said slowly. "But since you're here, I would like to speak with you about what happened last night."

The thumping in Lucinda's chest increased and her fingers shook against the tabletop. She brought her hands underneath and clasped them together to quiet them. "I... I wasn't sure if you were going to even acknowledge it, honestly." The girl glanced up nervously at the man.

He regarded her carefully. "Quite frankly, this will be the last time I'll acknowledge such a thing." He said bluntly and gave another sigh before continuing. "First and foremost, please accept my apology for the way that I acted... the things that I said and the... physicality of my approach."

Lucinda locked eyes on his face, completely speechless. "Oh..." was all she seemed able to say. Then, seeing the uncomfortable look on the man's face, she mentally shook herself and shrugged a little. "It's-its alright. You can't be blamed, really. You're missing all of your memories of me-"

" _That_ is precisely what will not be brought up again." Severus said snappishly and Lucinda closed her mouth, drawing her brow down.

"I'm sorry?" The girl questioned quietly after a breath of silence passed between them.

The potions master's jaw muscle worked a little before he answered. "I won't deny that I do, indeed, have a collection of memories of you."

Lucinda didn't reply. She wanted to know what he had to say. This was possibly the most important conversation they were ever going to have. At least... that's the way it felt. The air in the room had turned cold and strange and the man in front of her was giving her one of the sternest looks he'd ever had. Lucinda swallowed difficultly and listened to him.

"There was a brief moment that I was going to look at them," Snape continued. "My curiosity got the better part of my judgement and your behavior only served to further that curiosity. In my moment of weakness I was going to look at what I know are our memories... but I couldn't."

Lucinda was already beginning to nod. She'd closed her eyes briefly in some kind of understanding and she nodded, though her mouth was pressed into a thin line.

"I wasn't lying when I said I don't like it when you're upset." He continued with an uncomfortable glance toward the floor and then back up to her face. "Truly, Miss Morgan, I don't. I can't deny the affection I know is there or _was_ there..." He paused and Lucinda opened her eyes to look at him, holding her breath. "But I can absolutely ignore it."

The girl's eyebrows raised slightly. This was nothing new. It was like he was saying all of this to her all over again. They had planned to come back from Christmas break as if nothing happened between them. Albeit, things didn't quite work out that simply, because of Tristin, but even-so... Everything he was saying was a version of something he'd said before. It somewhat didn't phase her.

"I won't be looking at the memories." He said.

Lucinda took a minute, but eventually she lifted her shoulders ever so slightly in a minuscule shrug. "I expected you to say that." She admitted with a weak smile. "I know you don't remember, but you've said something like this be-"

"I won't be looking at the memories..." The man stated again, interrupting her. " _E_ _ver_."

Lucinda's face froze and then fell a fraction. "What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean." He snapped and this time there was some venom in his voice.

Lucinda's face fell more. " _Why?_ " She said incredulously, raising her voice a step. There was a balloon of panic that was beginning to grow within her chest. She could feel it inflating and stretching against her esophagus.

"I may not know the details of our relationship or what the extent of those details were, but I can already tell that it was inappropriate." Snape's face continued to harden and darken as he spoke to her and Lucinda's began to match his.

"Really." The girl said tightly with a shadow of sarcasm, crossing her arms. "You came to that conclusion, did you-"

"Do _not..._ test me, child." Snape's voice shook with suppressed animosity. "I am endlessly aware of what is at stake for the both of us. I removed my memories of you for a reason. _I_ did it. No one else had a hand in my decision - _that,_ I am sure of. That is why I have a crystal clear conscience when it comes to never looking at those memories again. It will do nothing but cause trouble and I think you know that."

"You don't know _anything!_ " She had lost her composure. The balloon had filled to its bursting and burst, it did. The back of her throat was coated in the noxious words that ran down her tongue on a wave of anxiety and hysteria. "You say you're never going to look at them again? Are you _kidding_ me?"

"Calm down, Miss Morgan." He said firmly, his eyes still glued to her flushed face. "You are embarrassing yourself and you're just proving to me that I made the right decision."

His cool demeanor sent her over the edge. "What harm would it do to look at them at a later time?" Lucinda stood up and questioned erratically. "I'm not saying to look at them _now,_ but at some point _look at them!_ "

"I will not."

"I'm saying months from now!"

"What difference would that make?" Snape shook his head, gazing at her with skepticism.

Lucinda shook her head back, returning his gaze with disbelief. This couldn't be happening. If he didn't remember her, then what was this all for? What was she doing? The girl's brown eyes started to gloss over with emotion and the angry, panicked look that was previously on her features softened and was replaced with the sadness that the man so wished to be rid of. "All the difference in the world, Severus..." Lucinda said quietly.

Snape didn't even flinch and that's what really sealed it for her. He was serious. He didn't know her. He didn't care. She was just another troublesome student to him.

"Call me that again and I will take points from your House." He snapped and his voice was irritated and callous.

Lucinda shrunk back from him, taking a step behind her. Her face drew down in destruction and embarrassment, with her chin giving a small quaver. Then she finally broke their eye contact, before he had a chance to get pissed at her for crying. She stared at her notes on the table. She'd been so excited just a few minutes ago. She was on the cusp of something that she'd been trying to figure out all year. Maybe this was the only thing that was going to bring her that kind of happiness anymore...

"So, that's it, then..." She said flatly and looked up at him again. His eyes were the same - hard and unyielding - but Lucinda's eyes had shifted to lifeless, flat orbs staring back at him. "This is what you really want, is it? To forget that I ever existed?"

"No, Miss Morgan..." he said slowly, keeping her dead gaze easily. "To forget that _we_ existed."

The room went quiet around them. There was a part of her that had prepared herself for this, but that part was not significant enough to stop the feelings of hopelessness that now took root inside her. She really, truly believed that they were going to be together. Even if it was years from now, she thought it all would work out in the end. But then he removed his memories and she had a brief moment of true panic when she thought it might be permanent. She was still worried, but then he said he _had_ his memories. He just said he wouldn't _look_ at them. They were something he could get back. There was a glimmer of hope in her dull eyes then. It was small, but it was there. Lucinda looked at him again, expectantly. "You might change your mind." She said in a whisper.

Snape shook his head slowly. "Stop holding on, Miss Morgan. You're making it very apparent why I removed my memories in the first place."

"Well you'll never know, then, will you?" The confidence in her voice was starting to come back. "It's all speculation. You don't have a _clue_ what we've been through together. The conversations we've had. The time we've spent together-"

"Enough of this." Snape barked, pulling his hands from his pockets and balling them into fists at his sides. "I don't _want_ to know."

"You might later. Years from now, even-"

"Listen to me, you stupid girl!" He snapped. "I will _never_ look at those memories! Get it through your overly-imaginative head and get over it! I will never look at them! I am going to destroy them!"

Another silence settled over them. Lucinda knit her brow and a small frown started to tug the corners of her mouth down. Snape watched it, face shamefully heated and flushed red. He kept his fists clenched, because he was afraid if he relaxed them, they would shake uncontrollably. He'd witnessed this look in her eyes before - just _once_ before... in the only bit of memory he'd seen. He really hated this look on her. He hated the way it made him feel.

"De...destroy them?" Lucinda hesitated. "You... you wouldn't do that. You absolutely would do th-"

"I've already started to." He said and squeezed harder against his fingers.

"You're lying!"

"I have only a few left to get rid of and then this will be done with. Then you can leave me alone."

The panic was bubbling up again. It was boiling her insides and squeezing painfully against her heart. She felt like she couldn't breathe. In reality, she was breathing very fast and spasmodically. Snape tried to ignore it.

"Calm down." He said harshly, but Lucinda looked away from him.

Puffs of air blew out her flared nostrils and she stared down at her potions notes and books on the table. Suddenly she began shoving her things into her bag again. She needed to distract herself from this nonsense. Her hands shook and her breath expelled in great rasps, but she grabbed her papers in fistfuls and crammed them into the bag. "Fine." She mumbled and her voice trembled. "That's fine. I'm used to your selfishness. I'm used to you hurting me-" She jammed the last book into her bag and then swung it over her shoulder. "I'm used to your inconsistencies and you only thinking of yourself!"

"Calm _down."_ He tried again, but now _he_ was getting agitated. "I told you that this was the best for both of us, didn't I?"

"How?" Lucinda snapped, smacking her hand down on the table and glaring at him from across it. "It's easy for you, because you don't _know -_ you don't have the memories holding you back or weighing you down! Of course you think it's for the best, when _you_ don't have to deal with it! Instead, I'm left to deal with it on my own!"

"Then learn to control your emotions." He seethed, barely getting the sentence out without yelling it. "If you can't deal with something as trivial as this, then you'll have no chance in the real world."

"Oh, you fucking hypocrite-" She threw up her hands and pivoted on the spot, walking away from him.

Snape felt his blood boil and strode along the table next to her, cutting her off at the end and throwing himself between her and the door. "Excuse me?" He hissed, eyes going a little wider.

"You heard me." She said quietly, gripping the strap to her bag tighter in her hands. "You're a bloody _hypocrite!_ You talk all this nonsense about controlling your emotions and _getting over it_ , when you - yourself - couldn't even do that! You couldn't handle the memory of me, so you snuffed it out! What does that say about _you?!_ "

She had him! She completely had him there! Snape's fists tremored at his sides, as he watched her with fury. "I-I-" He stammered, his face red with rage.

"Lucky you!" Lucinda continued angrily, but her eyes deceived her with a few tears that welled up there. "You get to live your life careless and concern-free, taking what you want from others and then you simply forget them! If you truly want what's best for everyone, why don't you take my memories, too?!"

Snape shook his head instantly. "I can't do that."

"Sure you can." The girl's tone suddenly turned condescending. "The all-powerful Severus Snape can't remove my memories? Come now, that _can't_ be true-"

"I am warning you, Miss Morgan..." Snape breathed, jaw quaking with ferocity. "I am exceptionally skilled at controlling my temper, but you are testing my patience."

"Then just take my memories and this will be over with-"

"I cannot and will not even attempt it."

Lucinda's grip loosened on the strap and her face smoothed out a little from its angry stance. "Please..." she pleaded quietly. "Please, just take them."

Snape swallowed a lump in his throat and his eyes softened just a fraction. "I'm sorry," he said, trying very hard not to sound so harsh. "I really am, Miss Morgan... but I can't."

Her eyes let slip a tear and the girl brushed it away with her free hand. _Okay_ , she thought. _Okay, this is okay. I am okay. I am going to be okay..._ She sniffed loudly and breathed as steadily as she could and then nodded once. Alright. This was it. It was time for her to stand on her own two feet. The significance of her friendship with professor Snape was no more. She'd only known him a few months. He just turned out to be nothing more than a passing soul in her life - that was evident when she looked in his eyes and saw a completely different person. He had to have known he might decide to never look at his memories of her again; that he might decide to _destroy_ them. If he was willing to take that risk and possibly even expect that outcome, he truly didn't care for her anymore. He didn't care what happened to her or her happiness. He didn't care. He was done. Hell, he was done before anything had even begun. This was his decision and there was no changing it. She'd lost him. The only lasting comfort she had now was that he was still here. She could still see him and talk to him as her professor. Maybe one day he would seek out a _new_ friendship with her, even if all of their previous memories were gone forever. But for now... she had to treat this like the end. She had to let go. She had to think of it as forever. Any kind of friendship or relationship with Severus Snape was completely gone and she was never going to have one again.

"Miss Morgan..." Snape spoke cautiously, watching her frozen face. Her gaze had drifted off to the floor and she hadn't moved or spoken for several minutes. "Miss Morgan, do we have an understanding?"

Lucinda slowly raised her eyes to look at him. Their gazes locked, but Snape no longer saw the desperation in her eyes. He saw acceptance. In all honesty, he wasn't completely positive that he felt okay about it. But it was definitely for the best. He was sure of it. They would move on from this ridiculous charade. They would move past this and Severus' life would return to normal.

The girl's chin tilted up lightly and then back down again in a small nod. Her eyes remained dry after that. They sat flat and lifeless in her face once more when she looked at him. After a moment, she dropped her gaze again and then walked past her potions professor.

"One more thing, Miss Morgan." She heard the man say behind her.

Lucinda paused and turned around to look at him.

_Dead eyes again_... He thought and chewed his cheek uncomfortably, but spoke anyway. "I know that it's none of my business, nor my place to say so..." he spoke slowly, ever so tentatively and curiously. Lucinda listened, expressionless. "Tristin Samael..." he continued with an air of forewarning. "I don't think it would be in your best interest to continue seeing him. He is not a very... honorable person."

The light in Lucinda's eyes flickered into life for just a second and her eyebrows rose up in acknowledgment, but then it faded again. She looked at her professor's unconcerned face and hiked the bag up on her shoulder more. "You're right, professor Snape..." She said blankly and turned away, walking to the classroom doorway. Then she looked over her shoulder at him. "It is none of your business." Then she looked to the floor a moment, turned, and then she left.

When he was alone again, Snape finally unclenched his fists. His fingers ached from the intensity of holding such a stance for so long and they trembled as he held them out in front of himself. He stared down at the crescent moon markings on his palms where his fingernails had sunk into his flesh. His hands trembled more.

He had lied.

_He had lied, absolutely._

The memories were untouched. None of them had been destroyed and he didn't plan on destroying them either. But he did not plan to look at them - that much was true. He also could have taken her memories from her. It wasn't as though he was incapable of doing it... but in doing so would have revealed the memories he'd already been rid of. He couldn't risk looking at them, just to allow the girl her own relief. Yes, she was also right about that. He _was_ selfish. He _was_ a hypocrite.

He was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How's everyone doing? Sorry for the shorter than usual chapter. There was no good place to stop after this scene. I kind of felt that it needed to end here. I hope you're enjoying the story to some extent. Don't be afraid to drop a comment or review. It really motivates me and lets me know I'm not just writing this for myself. :P


	39. Jasper's Bound

They didn't speak again. As the days passed, Lucinda fully realized that it was the end. It was time for her to continue on with her life and to stop letting this small bit of hope hold her back and keep her from her dreams. Her time at Hogwarts was supposed to be precious to her and enjoyable. Tristin was back to normal - so normal, that she could hardly remember him being any different. It was as if the events over Christmas break never happened. The only difference now was her friendship with Aurora... They still hadn't reconciled; mostly now, because Rorie was beyond done with her. Weeks had passed. They never spoke. It became routine. Life was quiet, dull and regular. She hadn't spoken to any of her other friends, either. Once some days had passed, Lucinda didn't have the will to try and talk to anyone else. She felt numb... So, she threw herself into her work, instead.

Every potions lesson was spent with her bent over her notes. She'd slowly begun to practice with ingredients, but there was never enough time during each period to work on it as much as she wanted to. Admittedly, she might have been getting a little obsessed with the elixir, but it was easy to do. It gave her joy. It was the _only_ thing that gave her joy, anymore... besides Tristin. He was actually being very kind to her. It was a nice change. He no longer made it a point to pick her up from her classes and he wasn't overbearing. He talked to her gently, made jokes and laughed with her. He kissed her tenderly and threw out his arm to steady her when she stumbled sometimes in the hall or while they walked on the Castle grounds. He was back to the perfect and charming boy that he used to be... and this time she didn't question it. However, she didn't really acknowledge it, either.

She concentrated harder on her potions.

Snape had not spoken to her outside of a comment here and there while she worked in class. Sometimes he would ask her a more in-depth question about her potion, but then again, he did that to many of the students in the class. Things were _normal..._ so Lucinda had no problem asking her professor if she could use the Potions classroom in her spare time. He only went so far as to ask what it was for and when she said it was to progress her Everlasting Elixir, he let her. He didn't question further. Class would end and she would stay and he would usually leave. Then he would come back after she left to lock up the classroom. Sometimes he would stay because he was working on the next day's lessons or grading papers, but he rarely spoke. Once in a while, Lucinda would ask his opinion on a particular factor of her potion that she was stumped on and he would answer, albeit he would do it in a very short manner and usually with no real engagement at all. It no longer bothered her. She accepted it. She moved on. And the days moved on...

There was another Hogsmeade weekend coming up and Lucinda was thankful for it, because she needed to replenish many of her ingredients. Most importantly, she needed to get more powdered moonstone. She'd been using so much of it, because it was the main ingredient in her elixir (as was the case in most Everlasting Elixirs). She didn't use as much of her other ingredients for obvious reasons: one- she wasn't sure yet if the item was pertinent in making the potion work, and two- the potion would fail before she had a chance to add anything else. In all honesty, she probably could have gotten away with using the potions classroom supply of powdered moonstone, but she felt bad. She had _seriously_ used a lot of it and that stuff wasn't cheap. She didn't want to use up professor Snape's supply and force him to go buy more... so she planned to go and get her own.

"You're not going to Hogsmeade with me?" Lucinda questioned her boyfriend the day they were supposed to be walking over. It was the beginning of February and winter was on its last - _but_ _strongest_ \- leg. Lucinda was standing in the entrance hall, adjusting the ear flaps on her wool hat, when Tristin walked up behind her and squeezed her around the middle. She didn't flinch. She knew it was him.

"Nah," Tristin answered her with a shrug. "I haven't been feeling well. I was awake all night hacking up a lung, honestly."

"That's not good." Lucinda frowned, pulling her gloves on. "Go and get some rest. I'll pick you up some soup from the pub."

"Aw, you don't have to do that, Morgan." He smiled. Then his face turned a little more serious when he added: "Just be careful. There's supposed to be a snow storm moving in."

"Yeah, I just looked out the door-" she glanced over at said door and frowned more, "-and it's already coming down pretty hard."

"You sure you still want to go?" He asked with his eyebrows raised.

The girl brandished a small bag hanging from her hip under her cloak. "I have _got_ to get this thing filled up with ingredients."

The boy shrugged again. "Suit yourself." He said with a slight pout.

"Alright, well I'll be off then-" she leaned forward to hug him and he turned his face away from her as they embraced.

"Sorry-" he mumbled "-don't wanna get you sick."

Lucinda kept her frown and walked away from him, staring over her shoulder. "Feel better, okay?" She called and opened the oak front doors.

Tristin put a hand up in farewell (his other hand stuck in the front of his jeans pocket) and smiled at her. "Be safe."

* * *

The wind was brutal on the walk to Hogsmeade. Lucinda kept her head bowed and her wand out, using a shielding charm to somewhat block the splatter of cold snow on her face. Regardless, she couldn't really see. Once in a while she'd almost stumble into someone, but she couldn't make out who they were or hear their voices. She continued on like this, trudging through the snowdrifts, until she finally (and thankfully) arrived in Hogsmeade. The village houses and shops blocked a lot of the wind, so it was easier to navigate the streets than on the pathway there. Lucinda dropped her hood and looked around, cupping her hands above her eyes to see through the falling snow. She located the Three Broomsticks and headed that way. She originally was going to get her ingredients from Jasper's and then pick up Tristin's soup on the way back, but she was afraid the storm would hit before she had a chance to. So, she went for the soup first.

Lucinda sighed as she entered the cozy pub and pulled her gloves off, sticking them in her pockets. It was a relief to finally be out of the snow and it seemed many people had the same idea as she did (although the Three Broomsticks was always pretty busy). Nearly every table and chair was occupied and Lucinda weaved in and out of people and the chatter, as she made her way to the bar front. Who knew so many people would venture the storm, just to hang out at an inn? She would have possibly sat down and stayed awhile (maybe warmed herself up!), but there really were far too many people. She settled to simply stand at the bar for a warm cup of tea, while she waited for the soup.

"Hello, Madam Rosmerta," Lucinda smiled gently at the woman behind the bar. "A cup of tea and a serving of bone broth to go, please."

Madam Rosmerta looked a little ragged, holding a tray of firewhiskey in her arms, but she smiled back. "It'll be just a moment, love. I've got to take these to me mates upstairs and I'll be back." Then she balanced the tray with one hand and reached behind her. A moment later, she swung a teapot around the curve of her hip and set it in front of Lucinda on the bar. "Help yourself." She said and then took a cup from under the counter, setting it next to the kettle. "Then I'll get right on that soup."

"And! Um-" Lucinda said quickly, with a sheepish smile. "Do you have any charmed tankards to keep it warm?"

Rosmerta grinned widely. "Of course." She said and then left.

Lucinda simply stood and watched the steam rising from the kettle for a few moments before finally picking up its handle and pouring herself a cup of the tea. She wrapped her hands around the fragile glass and let it warm her fingers. Gobs of wet snow still clung to her cloak and she had a brief worry of it dripping all over the floor and causing a mess. Then again, there were so many people in there taking shelter from the storm, there was bound to be puddles everywhere. Lucinda looked around at all of these different people, while she brought the cup to her lips, blowing gently across the surface of the dark liquid.

There were a lot of students. Some Hogwarts staff occupied a couple of the tables and about half the room seemed to be locals, but the rest were students. They conversed happily, huddled by the fireplace or sat way back in the smoky corners of the pub. She recognized many faces, but none of them were her friends. _Or..._ Lucinda thought, awkwardly. _I guess they wouldn't exactly call me a friend anymore..._ There wasn't anyone there that she would outwardly talk to. She was definitely flying solo on this particular trip to Hogsmeade and - although she'd recently been somewhat numb to the ideas of friendship - the solitude felt much stronger now that she was away from Tristin. Perhaps she deserved it, anyway...

Lucinda returned her attention to her tea. She leaned her elbows on the counter and brought the cup to her lips, sipping gingerly. Then she closed her eyes and tuned out the dull roar of voices, letting the hot beverage coat the inside of her mouth and then slide down her throat. A moment passed and in that moment Lucinda half-heartedly felt around in the corners of her brain, realizing something instantly. She recognized the off kilter way her heart beat and the fuzziness in her mind. She was lonely and overwhelmed all at the same time. There was an imbalance within her and she knew it. Lucinda breathed in the scent of herbs beneath her nose and exhaled slowly.

"Fancy meeting you here."

The girl opened her eyes and looked to her right. A pair of green eyes stared back at her. The first thing she noticed was the absence of the emerald shimmer that used to glint at her within those green pools. Regardless, he had a small smirk on his face.

"Hi, Xavier." Lucinda said and gave him her own small smile.

The boy leaned an elbow on the bar, facing her. "How's it going, Lou?" He asked, though she noticed he didn't completely hold her gaze. He dropped his eyes to the teapot between them as his sentence came to a close.

Lucinda looked away from him to sip her tea again. "Fine, I guess." She mumbled, before putting the rim to her lips. She drank and the redhead watched her.

"You've been quite distant." He stated with some accusation in his voice and the girl glanced at him quickly.

"I-I haven't meant to be-"

"You're not very good at lying, either," X rolled his eyes and then wrinkling his freckled nose, adding, "I thought we were supposed to be friends."

Lucinda sipped again and then turned to look at him. "You're still my friend?" She couldn't help asking, staring at him transparently hopeful.

X hardened his gaze on her. "Why wouldn't I be?" He grumbled slightly. "Just because you've stopped talking to me and everyone else, doesn't mean I'm going to abandon you. Even though it's clear that all you care about now is your precious _boyfriend_."

" _Xavier!_ " Lucinda exclaimed quietly, staring at him incredulously. "Why would you say that?"

"Well it's true, isn't it?" He shrugged uncomittedly. "You used to rag me all the time and now you couldn't even be bothered to ask me how I'm doing. Do you _know_ how I'm doing?"

"Well the last time we talked you left in the middle of our conversation."

"So I get upset _once_ and you figure I'm not worth it anymore?"

Lucinda chewed her lips and drew her brow down in distress. "Of course not," she said quietly and kept his gaze. "I've just been..." She trailed off, not knowing what to say. What _had_ she been? Distant, yes, that was true... But why? Was this really all because her professor refused to acknowledge her outside of class anymore? "I don't know." She finally said. Then she set her cup down and turned fully toward him, resting her own elbow on the bar. "So, how are you?" She asked sincerely.

Xavier's hard gaze only softened a fraction. "I'm shit." He said and for some reason, the way that he said it, Lucinda didn't know whether or not he was directing that at how he felt... or how he was feeling about himself.

"Why?" Lucinda pressed in a whisper, stepping closer to him. "What happened?"

X shrugged again, looking away and over the top of her head. It was at that moment that Lucinda realized the boy had grown another inch or so in the last few months. It seemed just yesterday that they had danced in the courtyard together, when he stood only an inch taller than her. His freckles were flatter against his skin in the dusky light of the pub and his full lips twitched ever so slightly as they parted in their response. Lucinda waited for his explanation, but such a thing never came. X closed his mouth again and then shook his head, with a look toward the bar. "Nothing." He said.

Lucinda's hands twisted together in front of her and she swallowed the lump in her throat. "It isn't nothing..." she replied, very quietly (almost timidly). "Something happened. What is it?"

He shook his head again. "Doesn't matter."

Lucinda opened her mouth to protest, but Madam Rosmerta came back at that moment, carrying a large tankard between her hands and Lucinda smiled at her out of reflex.

"Here you are, m'dear!" The woman said, reaching across the bar to hand it to her.

"Thank you so much." Lucinda grasped the tankard and slid it toward herself. "What do I owe you?"

"Three sickles ten, please."

"So, um-" Lucinda mumbled, as she dug in her pouch for the coins. "Xavier, have you spoken to Rorie lately?"

The redhead leaned his back against the bar and crossed his arms over his chest. "Why would I?" He shrugged.

"I... I thought you guys were friends?" She questioned self-consciously, handing over the newly found coins to Madam Rosmerta. The woman pocketed the change and then left them alone again. "At least, it seemed like she'd been talking to you more recently."

X grunted. "Yeah, that's nothing. She just feels sorry for me."

"What?" Lucinda stared at him, confused.

"Well, come on." He unfolded his arms to raise his palms skyward. "She's always been annoyed by me and now all of a sudden she starts taking an interest after I almost die?"

Lucinda set the tankard aside and then picked her teacup back up to sip from it. "That isn't fair, X. Maybe she got scared."

"Of course she got scared." Xavier said instantly. "Watching someone die is a burden on the soul. I'm sure she's relieved that she didn't have to deal with something like that-"

"And I'm sure that's _not_ how she feels." Lucinda suddenly shot him a hard look over the top of her cup. "Rorie wouldn't feel burdened by your death. Are you kidding me?"

Xavier didn't answer. He stared straight ahead and across the room, his strawberry eyebrows drawn down defensively. Then he simply dipped his shoulders up and down in another shrug.

Lucinda sighed exasperatedly and sipped her tea. "Don't speak that way..." She said quietly after she swallowed. "It's obvious Rorie cares about you. She's just too proud to come out and say it."

X stayed quiet, but his eyebrows at least seemed to ease up a bit. He sighed after a moment and looked over at the girl still sipping on her tea. She had a distressed look in her eyes and Xavier shook his head at her. "She cares about you, too, Lou."

Lucinda's eyes snapped to his face and her lips pulled apart in surprise. "Did she say something?"

The boy tilted his head in thought. "Not really." He mulled, scratching absentmindedly at his ear. "She doesn't tell me much, but I can tell it's bothering her that you two aren't speaking."

"I _want_ to speak to her, but she's been so-"

"Forget it, man." Xavier waved a hand at her. "Forget about whatever feud you guys had before. It's been weeks."

"But everytime I look at her, she's got this angry or annoyed expression-"

"That's _Rorie."_ He said seriously. "I should know better than anyone else that the look on her face or the tone of her voice doesn't reflect how she really feels inside."

Lucinda chewed her lip and took another sip. Her tea was almost gone. "You really like her a lot, don't you?" She asked just above a whisper, staring down into her cup.

Xavier was quiet. A moment went by and then he suddenly clapped his hands together. "Well!" He said sharply. "I'm supposed to meet Hagrid at the Hog's Head soon, so I'm gonna head out."

"Oh." Lucinda took her hands from the teacup, leaving it on the bar, and rubbed her fingers together. "Well, be careful out there. I expect the storm is nearly on top of us now."

X fastened the last few buttons on his coat and grinned at her. It filled her heart with warmth and a bit of relief. "Don't you worry, Little Lou." He waggled his eyebrows at her. "I'm made of some tough shit."

Lucinda felt herself smile. A real, genuine smile. "Yes, you are." She said.

Xavier awkwardly patted her shoulder and then turned to go, but then stopped. "Just- uh..." He said over his shoulder, thoughtfully. "Just try to talk to her again, okay? I know she misses you."

"Are you sure?" The girl's face flushed. "Because it just seems like she-"

"I'm positive." He said, cutting her off. Then he turned again and waved a hand behind him. "Don't be a stranger!" He called. Then he made his way to the front door and disappeared beyond it, into the swirl of snow.

Seeing the glimpse of the storm outside got Lucinda's butt in gear. There wasn't much time to get done what she needed to. She hurriedly swallowed down the last dregs of her tea and firmly grasped the tankard of soup in her arms. Then she, too, left the Inn.

* * *

The storm was raging something ferocious. The sky had darkened so deeply beneath the heavy clouds that it seemed to be nighttime, as Lucinda trudged once more through the snow and the empty streets. No one else was out there. You could say it made it easier to get to Jasper's by not having to weave around anyone, but that wasn't true. The wind blew fiercely and the going was slow to the apothecary. Lucinda kept her head stooped and hidden beneath her hood. She couldn't even use her wand this time to block some of the gust, for fear of it blowing out of her hand. She held tightly to the warm tankard in her hands and walked slowly and carefully until she finally made it to her destination. Relief flooded her when she barely made out the painted wooden sign through the smear of white ahead of her.

Lucinda reached the door and quickly pulled on the handle to go inside. It opened with some difficulty, because the wind was fighting desperately to keep it closed. She threw herself through the small crack that she'd managed to widen between the door and the frame and then squeezed inside the shop, letting the door slam behind her with another blast of wind and snow. Suddenly everything was much quieter.

Lucinda blew out a deep breath and dropped her hood with her free hand, shaking the snow from her shoulders. As was the case with other times she'd visited the little apothecary, no one greeted her. Jasper was probably in the back room, unboxing ingredients or sorting them or labeling them... He wasn't used to people visiting often, so she couldn't blame him for not hanging out in the shop's front. Lucinda stepped further into the room and breathed in through her nose, instantly becoming overwhelmed by the different scents that surrounded her.

The lights were dim, just as they had been the first time she'd gone there. Bottles of every size, shape and color lined every shelf and small tables around the room held baskets full of stones and ropes of different dried herbs. More dried plants hung from the ceiling and Lucinda ducked around these to get across the room to search for the powdered moonstone and the other ingredients she needed. She found everything pretty quickly and within just a few minutes she was ready to check out and begin the long walk back to the castle.

Lucinda set Tristin's soup on the counter, along with her items that needed to be paid for and then waited. She leaned on her arms and listened, expecting to hear Jasper rummaging around in the stock room, but she heard nothing. Well, the truth was, it was somewhat noisy because of the winter storm blowing behind her. The wind whistled loudly through the crack beneath the door and rattled the windows violently every few seconds. She couldn't hear anything else no matter how hard she tried. She waited just a few more minutes and when Jasper still hadn't shown himself, she walked behind the counter and to the doorway to the hall.

Lucinda leaned a shoulder against the frame and listened once more. She could see the faint, yellow glow from the supply room down the hall and she felt herself relax, but only for a moment. She suddenly had déjà vu, staring down that dark corridor. Something like this had happened before. Professor Snape had stood behind her that time and her back had pressed into his front. His arm had held her steady around her middle and she'd put her hand on that arm. He'd breathed and spoken in her ear. She could still feel the tickle of his breath against her cheek. He had been kind and caring and gentle with her. He'd voiced his concern for her often and acted irrationally when she was upset with him. He was snappish, but then he was patient and compassionate-

Lucinda suddenly shook herself and pushed the memory away. What a time to think about something like that. She needed to pull herself out of this funk. She needed to regain balance in her life. The memories were beginning to fade slightly, giving her a much needed break, but they were still there. Sometimes they would rise up late at night while she slept and her dreams were disrupted by visions of knowing smirks and gentle carresses. Dark eyes watched her from afar, deep in the shadows and sometimes she didn't know who's eyes they were: Snape's... or Tristin's. Their voices would whisper things to her in her dreams. They would blend together and she would wake, confused and disoriented. Now she was standing there in her everyday life, fully awake and she could still hear the whispering... or talking. She could hear professor Snape... talking?

Lucinda glanced down the hall toward the light again. He was here. She could hear him. Professor Snape was in the apothecary. A moment later and she heard Jasper's voice, as well. Thinking of nothing else except getting her potions ingredients bought, Lucinda stepped around the doorframe and headed down the hall, toward the store room's glowing light.

"-and you're just distracted by lessons?" Jasper's somewhat haggard voice carried down the corridor, the closer she moved toward the two men. "What kind of potions are you teaching that have gotten you so tied up in your work?"

"This is the _advanced class_ , Jasper." Came Snape's dark mumble of exasperation. "Not everyone can float through life like a ghoul without a purpose."

"Are you calling me a...a _ghoul?_ "

Lucinda covered her mouth to stifle a sudden laugh and prepared herself to enter into the store room. However, she was surprised to find that the light wasn't coming from that room; it was from a different one across the hall. Obviously there were other rooms, but she hadn't thought about it. Tentatively, she stepped to the doorway of this other chamber and found herself in a sort of kitchen/sitting room. It was small and dim, but there was a comforting fire blazing in the fireplace to her left. The two men, she found, were sitting in the only armchairs in front of the hearth and they held goblets in their hands. They hadn't noticed her right away. Lucinda felt another jolt of surprise as she saw that Snape had a smirk on his face.

"You _are_ a ghoul." He said to the other man and sipped from his goblet. "You're wasting away to nothing. Soon you'll be floating through the castle walls with Nearly-Headless Nick-"

"Severus-"

"-and I'll hear you while I'm trying to sleep at night, calling out for your lost bourbon-"

" _Severus-_ "

"-and then I'll say, 'I'm terribly sorry, Jasper Dearest, but I won that bottle, fair and square. At least I allowed you to share it with m-'"

"AHEM!" Jasper cleared his throat very loudly and Snape stared at him in surprise. "I'm terribly sorry, Severus Dearest," he said with a pleasant smile. "But it seems that we have a guest."

Snape's chair was closest to the door, but it was turned slightly, so that his back was almost to her. Jasper had seen her first, as his spot had perfect view of the doorway. Severus turned around in his seat and locked eyes on her. Lucinda felt like covering herself with her arms, he was watching her so intensely.

"S-Sorry to interrupt..." Lucinda mumbled, smiling her sheepish smile. She quickly redirected her attention from her professor to the shopkeeper. "I came to get a few things. I hope it's not too much trouble-"

"Of course not, Lucinda," Jasper waved her toward himself. "Please, come in." He had a blanket around his shoulders and she was shocked to see that he _did_ seem to be wasting away. His cheeks were sunken and his eyes were tired and donned heavy, purple bags.

Lucinda stepped forward quickly and opened her mouth in disturbance. "Oh, Jasper, you look _terrible!_ " She gasped, putting her fingers to her lips.

" _Well._ " The man sniffed, giving her a long side-glance. "You're not being very sensitive, Miss Morgan."

"Oh-h, I'm... I'm sorry!"

Jasper suddenly laughed and waved her closer still. "I'm joking, I'm joking." He said and took a sip from his drink. "Come. Warm yourself."

Lucinda stepped slowly closer. She tried to keep a straight face, but it was toilsome. Her professor's gaze had not left her face. He was staring fixedly at her and his head and eyes followed her as she now stepped directly in front of him. She didn't look at him, though. She kept her attention on the other man. "I-I won't be long." She continued trying to focus on the purpose of her visit. "I want to hurry back to the castle, so..." She trailed off expectantly and Jasper's eyebrows twitched up in interest.

"Oh?" He questioned. "You plan to venture back out into the blizzard?"

The girl glanced at her professor on accident and was horrified to see that he still stared at her. But now he did so with something of an accusing look. His sharp eyes flashed to the man sitting to his right and then back at her again. She ignored it and looked at Jasper, once more. "I've got somewhere to be." She said quietly, with a shrug.

"Somewhere impor-" The shopkeeper began to question, but was cut off.

"You're quite familiar with Jasper." Snape said bluntly, but the accusing look in his eyes was spilling over into his voice.

Lucinda's eyes widened with alarm and they snapped back to her professor's unwavering gaze. "W-What?" She stammered, hating herself for the stumble.

Snape didn't blink. He slowly leaned back into his armchair, watching her. "Are you two _friends?_ " He sneered, swirling the liquid in his glass.

Lucinda pressed her lips tightly together and felt her face flush red and hot. She looked away from him and stared at the man in question. Jasper looked back at her with eyes almost just as wide. He glanced at the potions professor and back again. Then he shook his head at the girl. "I'm sorry, Lucinda." He said, with a little comical disbelief in his voice. "It seems that I've allowed Severus to indulge in that bottle of bourbon for a bit longer than was appropriate."

Snape suddenly snorted in condescension and snapped his right leg up to rest on his left knee. "Don't insinuate anything." He snipped.

Lucinda couldn't believe that professor Snape had damned near been smiling and now he was in a foul mood, all because _she_ showed up!

"Oh, you noticed an insinuation?" Jasper pondered pleasantly, but his face told a completely different story: he looked positively fiendish. "Tasted a bit of the ol' medicine, eh?"

Snape stared over at the man and his black eyes flashed with suppressed rage. He opened his mouth to let out another slew of biting words, but Lucinda spoke first, very hurriedly.

"I'll just come back another time-" She said and turned around to leave, but a strong hand unexpectedly wrapped around her wrist, stopping her. Lucinda's slightly wet, dark curls swung out away from her face, as she whipped her head around to stare down at the man who had her.

"Don't." Snape said, suddenly glaring up at her. "You're not going back out there."

Lucinda gaped at him, not knowing what to do. His actions were too unexpected. He'd caught her off guard. He hadn't so much as looked her in the eye for weeks now. Her stomach flipped and flipped over again. Her heart beat so frantically that she was sure he could feel it against his fingers. In fact, she was positive he could feel it, and if she concentrated just for a moment, she could probably feel his heart beating just as fast. Lucinda licked her lips and pulled her gaze from his. "Professor Snape," she warned. "Please, let go. I'm leaving."

Jasper suddenly spoke up. "No, he's right." The man said cautiously, glancing between the two of them. "You shouldn't go out there. Not yet, anyway. Let the storm pass first."

Upon Jasper speaking over them, Snape all at once seemed to realize what he'd done and let go of her. He then fixated on the flames in the hearth and took a sip from his goblet, eyes imperceptibly larger.

Lucinda watched him guardedly, rubbing absentmindedly at her wrist, until she finally turned around and walked from the warm room, mumbling over her shoulder, "I'm just-I'm just going to buy my things, please." She breathed unsteady breaths down the hall and then made her way back around the front counter where her items still sat waiting for her. She struggled to regulate her heart again or her breathing. After a minute, she realized it was due to her sugar dropping, not necessarily the confrontation with her professor. This somewhat eased her mind in a bizarre way and she mentally shook herself. _Enough of this._ She thought. _He didn't mean anything by it._

It wasn't long before Jasper came around the corner and stepped up behind the counter. He gave her a look that was half sympathy and half amusement and she wasn't sure that she liked it. "I don't know _what_ has gotten into that man..." He spoke quietly, still holding the blanket around his narrow shoulders. He looked carefully at the girl in front of him. "He was always very fond of you... Did you two have a fight?"

Lucinda stiffened and looked away from him. Instead of answering, she reached out and slid her ingredients across the counter.

Jasper stared at her a beat longer and then looked down at her items. Then he took the store registry out from under the counter and copied everything down. "That'll be... six galleon seven, please," he smiled at her.

" _Blast..._ " she mumbled.

"Something wrong?"

Lucinda shook her head and dug around in her pouch. "I got carried away is all. I didn't realize I was spending so much..."

"Well, you've got twelve items here." Jasper observed. "Make it a lucky thirteen and I can knock off a galleon."

" _Seriously?_ " Lucinda's face lit up momentarily. Then she added, face falling a little, "But what if the thirteenth item is expensive?"

The sallow man cocked an eyebrow at her. "Then get something cheap."

Lucinda stared off to the right of the counter and grumbled, "Well, I don't want to buy something just because it's _cheap-"_ She stopped dead in her tracks, as one word was jumping out at her.

_BALANCE_

It was a small sign that hung over a bowl of what seemed to be beaded bracelets. Lucinda stepped closer, examining the sign further.

_FIND BALANCE WITH YOUR INNER ELEMENT_

"What are these?" Lucinda breathed, picking up one of the bracelets. It was yellow and abnormally warm in her hands.

"Ah, I just got those in." Jasper replied, leaning on the counter. "They're just a new fad, I presume. Don't know if they actually work or not."

"So they... balance you?" The girl questioned, glancing up at the man.

"Well, they balance your element, I guess," He said thoughtfully, staring down at the bracelet. "That's what's in those beads."

"The _elements?_ " Lucinda questioned again, almost disbelieving.

"Mhm." He nodded. "That one there is fire - as I'm sure you can already tell by the way it feels."

Lucinda stared down in wonder at the slightly glowing beads in her hands. "Wow..." she whispered. "That's... pretty awesome." Then she placed the bracelet back in the basket and picked up another one. She already knew what it was before she even touched it. She knew her own element. The blue beads were cool to the touch, as she trailed a finger over them. "Is this cheap?" She wondered aloud.

"Mmm, for you, yes." Jasper teased. "They're a galleon each, so it looks like you'll be getting it free."

Lucinda slipped the beads over her wrist instantly and stared down at them. "Thanks..." She whispered. They seemed to cool her blood. She could feel the water swirling around within each bead and they seemed to pulse with magic. "Thank you..." She said again, in little more than a whisper, touching the beads with her fingertips.

"So..." Jasper sniffed and rubbed his nose. "Stay for a while?"

Lucinda blinked several times and then looked up at the man. "Oh." She said with a glance at the clouded window behind her. "I... I'd rather not, actually."

"Come on." He tried again, pulling the blanket tighter against himself. "Give me someone else to talk to. I promise he'll behave."

Lucinda licked her bottom lip and then pulled it in between her teeth. "No, I don't really want to..."

"Lucinda, you can't go out there right now." The man's tone suddenly changed and had a stern edge to it. "It's dangerous. Wait out the storm... Please?"

The girl placed a hand over the beads on her wrist and sighed. Well, she surprisingly _did_ feel a little more at ease... She would need to eat something, though. Maybe she could make it back to the Three Broomsticks again for lunch. "Fine." Lucinda eventually mumbled and began putting her ingredients in the pouch at her hip. "Oh and here's your money-" She added, pulling the coins from the same bag and sliding them across the counter. The man nodded appreciatively and took them.

"I'll go and get another chair from upstairs." He said with a smile (obviously pleased with himself for getting her to stay) and then shuffled through the doorway behind him, where he turned right and disappeared. A second later, Lucinda heard the faint thumps of him walking up a set of stairs on the other side of the wall.

The girl sighed again and looked down at the tankard of soup still sitting on the counter. Tristin would worry if she didn't come back soon. She hoped he wouldn't be reckless enough to venture out into the storm to search for her, especially if he really was coming down with something nasty... Lucinda took a second to look behind her once more at the trembling windows.

She could still leave. She could still recover from this embarrassing moment with her professor and continue to move on with her life. She could act like she hadn't seen the faintest glimmer of anxiety in his eyes. She could go back to Tristin and listen to him talk about Salazar Slytherin, as he was wont to do on occasion. She could keep her head down until she graduated and left that place forever... but she didn't. She stayed. She picked the soup up and headed back down the dark hallway, toward the glow of the fireplace, her hands shaking all the way. She went back into the sitting room, where Snape was standing at the fireplace with his back to her.

She stayed.. and she waited out the storm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Firstly, thank you for your kind comments! They fuel my writing! Truly! I'm so happy I can bring joy to your lives, even if sometimes it's bittersweet.
> 
> So, that bracelet Lucinda bought was inspired by those water bracelets I've seen sold in craft stores and book shops and such. You might have seen them. They're made of a rubber-like material and are supposed to be filled with water from special places. I thought they were really cool, so I decided they would be a great muse for something else I had in mind for my fanfic.
> 
> Things are speeding along now in the story. We are coming close to... serious events. See you soon!


	40. Uncontrollable

He stood straight.

That back that never slouched; those hands that rarely shook; that jawline that never quavered and stood set and strong and only clenched when she aggravated him. Careless Snape. Oblivious Snape. Unyielding Snape... He stood with his rigid back to her and an arm lying across the top of the mantel. His other arm was bent at the elbow, hand pushing up into his lower back, as it rested on his hip. He was as still as a statue. She figured he thought he was alone. She figured he thought she'd purchased her ingredients and left. Maybe part of her figured he was—at that very moment—wondering about her in the snow; curious about her in the cold; worried for her all alone, on her journey back to the castle... What she didn't expect was for him to speak to her.

"Jasper's right, you know..." He said quietly, but she heard him from her spot in the doorway. He said it in such a way that could be construed as him merely speaking aloud to himself, but Lucinda knew his intent.

She was startled at first, but recovered quickly and then cleared her throat (even though he obviously knew she was there). "I'm sorry?" She questioned back in a voice just a touch louder than his own.

The man turned around slowly and held her gaze for just a moment, because Lucinda then quickly looked away, breaking the eye contact. She was determined not to get caught up in glances that meant nothing. She wasn't going to read into pauses or slow words of explanation. She was going to wait out the winter storm with Jasper and Severus—professor _Snape—_ just happened to be there.

"I indulged more than was appropriate..." He rubbed a hand over the back of his neck, with a puff of air from his nostrils. "And, in doing so, acted _in_ appropriately."

"So, you're excusing your behavior?" Lucinda asked dryly, raising her eyes to look into his again. She was beyond formalities with him. Was she trying to start something? No, not necessarily, but his attitude towards her about Jasper was unacceptable.

Snape returned her somewhat blank gaze with one of his own. "Absolutely not." He replied, walking forward a couple of steps. Lucinda stayed where she was. "I'm simply stating a fact. I didn't expect you... anyone to come into the shop. I was of the assumption that it was just Jasper and I—and then you... Well, to put it simply, you caught me off my guard."

Lucinda wrapped her arms around the tankard of broth and hugged it closer to her body. "It still seems as though you're trying to justify yourself."

Snape stared hard at her, shoulders slightly hunched up towards his ears; it was incredibly strange and off-putting after so many weeks of no eye contact, what so ever. Then— _slowly_ —the shoulders came down; his eyes faded from their hardened gaze, into a somewhat uncomfortable regard. Then he took a minuscule step back onto his toe. His eyes dropped steadily as he leaned back on that foot, carefully rolling it through until his heel was flat against the floor. Then he slowly pivoted his body away from her and walked back to the fireplace again. Lucinda watched, confused and just a little startled. When Snape reached the hearth, he picked up the goblet that he'd left there on the mantel and stared down into its contents.

"I don't believe this is the first time such poison has loosened my tongue..." He spoke thoughtfully and then glanced sideways at the girl (her eyes snapped down to the goblet and then back up to his face). Then there was a moment of silence. They looked at each other and Snape broke their eye contact this time. He swirled the liquid in the chalice and sighed. "Sorry." He said. Then the fire roared up with sparks and smoke as Severus tossed the whiskey into the flames.

Lucinda flinched, but—thankfully—it was such a small movement, she hoped her professor hadn't seen it. Honestly, she wasn't sure who he was apologizing to anyway: her or the booze, and because of that, she didn't answer.

Snape replaced the goblet on the mantel and turned back around, just as Jasper was shuffling into the room with a chair trailing behind him. The potions professor sighed in exasperation and strode over to the man. "You should have let me go and get it."

Lucinda moved out of the way and continued to squeeze the tankard closer to herself. She absentmindedly ran her fingers over the beads on her wrist and stared at the goblet on top of the fireplace.

"By all means, Severus, you can make the tea." Jasper said with a pleasantness in his voice. "Lucinda, please make yourself comfortable."

"Oh—um—" She stood there awkwardly and uncomittedly looked around the room for a means to 'make herself comfortable'. She glanced at the small, wooden chair Snape now had ahold of and was bringing into the center of the room, closer to the hearth, and chewed her lip. She touched the bracelet on her wrist again and felt the water churning beneath her fingers. Her breathing steadied, once more, and she took a few small steps closer to the grouping of chairs.

Snape set the little seat down beside one of the two armchairs and then glanced up at the girl. She looked at the seat beneath him, in turn, and started to walk to it, but he placed his fingers on its back and said, "I'll sit here. You'll be warmer in the other."

Lucinda instantly shook her head. "I don't—I don't need to—"

"Sit." He said firmly and then proceeded away from her, into the tiny kitchenette.

Her bottom lip was back between her teeth, as she redirected to the armchair Snape had been sitting in. Lucinda stared down at it uncomfortably for a moment and then bent at the knees to set the container of soup on the floor beside it. Straightening back up, she untied the strings at her chin and pulled her winter cloak off; it was heavy with dampness and melted snow. She draped the material over the back of her chair to let it dry and then pulled her hat off, tossing it onto the chairback, as well.

She was just running her fingers through her hair to get rid of any awkward lumps, when Jasper came back into the room holding another blanket in his arms. "Cover up with this." He said and held it out to her.

Lucinda's cheeks flushed. "Really, I'm fine." She said with some exasperation, as she sat down in the cushioned seat. "I don't need any special treatment."

The man's beard drew down in a frown and Lucinda took notice of the gray hairs that seemed to be consuming the black ones now. The hair on his head was also streaked with silver.

Lucinda frowned back.

"Are you still sick?" She asked quietly, eyebrows scrunching up in concern, as she went ahead and took the blanket from him. "It's been months. You look worse."

Jasper's bright eyes crinkled with a smile. "I am."

"Well, what is it?" Lucinda asked, squeezing the arms of her chair. "A simple cold shouldn't do that." She knew she was prying, but honestly his appearance was shocking. It worried her.

"Surprisingly, a simple cold is what did me in." Jasper chuckled and sat in the chair next to hers. He hugged the blanket tightly against his shoulders and then fixed her with a piercing gaze. "I have an autoimmune disease... If I get sick—and I get sick quite a bit—it takes a very long time for me to get better."

Lucinda's frown deepened. "What kind of autoimmune—"

"They don't know." He said, interrupting her with another smile.

She didn't smile back.

"Stop looking so grim, Miss." The man settled back in his chair and stared at the fire. "Life is too short for things beyond your control."

Lucinda looked down at her lap, where the blanket sat atop her knees. It was a charcoal color with a few red and yellow lines running through it. It was well worn and a bit faded, but soft. It was definitely old. Somehow, looking at it made her sad. "You're right..." Lucinda said with a small sigh and spread the blanket over her legs. "Some things can't be controlled." She looked over at him with a half-smile and his own smile never faltered. "No point dwelling on them, right?"

He paused and then nodded solemnly.

Then there was a clinking of dishes and Snape came back into the room with a tray floating alongside him. Lucinda watched him wave a hand lazily over his shoulder and then he walked to the wooden chair beside her, without a second glance. Two teacups lifted from the tray as if on an invisible string and descended down through the air, one stopping just in front of Lucinda and the other in front of Jasper. The latter reached forward instantly and grasped the hovering cup with a smirk. "Why, thank you, Severus." He said.

Lucinda reached forward, as well, but her hands shook quite a bit as she retrieved her own cup. She didn't know whether or not either of them had noticed, but that became apparent in the next moment.

"Are you alright?"

It should have been Jasper asking, but it wasn't. Lucinda squeezed her fingers tightly against the china and shifted her eyes to the man on her left: Snape.

He had his jaw resting in the crook between his thumb and index finger and he was watching her with a careful curiosity. At least, that's what it seemed like. He could have been making such an expression on purpose, but either way, the girl ignored it. She opened her mouth to spout her automatic "I'm fine", but—for whatever reason—she stopped herself. Maybe it was because of Jasper's recent declaration of honesty, but Lucinda suddenly wanted to do the same. So she glanced quickly over at her professor and then stared at the fire, as her lips blew over the top of the tea. "My sugar is dropping..." She said as offhand as she could manage and then took a tentative sip from her cup.

_Mmm..._

It was good tea. Lucinda fought down the urge to remark on the fact that he'd never made her tea before.

Snape didn't say anything. Maybe she had surprised him with her unrestrained answer. She chanced another look at him and was perturbed to see that his eyes were now narrowed at her. She couldn't look away then. The darkness within those black hues held her captive. She tried to remember whether his eyes were always like that; whether or not they always had that effect on her. Then he spoke and she was able to look away again.

"You need to eat something..." He said slowly and although it sounded like a statement, there was that hesitation; that slight lift at the end of his sentence that said "Am I correct?"

Lucinda just nodded silently and blew at her tea again.

She felt his impatience rise like a thick fog in the room. It was strange how she could sense it without a word or a look from him, but she could. That's why she opened her mouth.

"I'm—I'm gonna try and get back to the pub soon and get something."

Once again, there was that expectant silence from him. She could feel his hesitation; the waiting for her to explain further. It was that pulling feeling that made her look at him again and his stare was much more intense this time, like what she said had offended him in some way. He hadn't moved his hand from his jaw and he didn't speak right away. He simply glanced down at her feet and then back up to her eyes. "So, what's that then?" He asked, barely moving his lips. You'd think the lack of animation from his mouth would cause his sentence to sound muffled, but it didn't. It was as clear as day.

Lucinda looked down. The tankard sat at her feet. _Oh,_ she thought. She returned her attention to her professor. "That's... just some bone broth."

There was another building pause. The air was tight between them and Snape's eyes flickered down to the object in question a couple more times, before he finally settled his attention on her face with—if possible—an even harder look. She could tell he was seconds away from snapping. For what reason, she didn't know. The storm must have put him in a bad mood, or perhaps just being forced together with her was what did it, but she spoke to keep him from saying whatever he was about to.

"It's not for me." She said quickly, still unable to look away from him. "I'm taking it back to Hogwarts with me."

"For whom?" He asked, almost before she'd even finished her sentence.

Lucinda swallowed and wondered if she should lie. But what was the point? She was feeling too uncensored to lie now. She'd opened up that window to her personal life and the honesty was spilling into the room like a winter chill...

But there was a vein making itself more prominently known on the side of Snape's temple, as he continued to wait for her answer. It seemed the longer she took, the vein darkened and grew. Then, somewhere in front of her, she thought she heard a noise. It was soft at first. It was a rhythmic chattering; a trembling of a metallic sort or maybe glass. She would have looked, but she was stuck in his stare. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she wondered if it was possible that he'd bewitched her to not look away from him. She found that she could still speak, though, so Lucinda finally opened her mouth to do so.

"It's for Tris—"

"Do you have problems with your blood sugar, Miss Morgan?" Jasper suddenly asked.

Broken out of her trance with her professor, Lucinda whipped her head in the opposite direction to look at the other man. As she turned, she briefly registered that the trembling had suddenly stopped and she'd not only heard it cease, but she'd _seen_ it cease. It had been the tea tray still hovering in front of her. It was then that she realized Snape had been keeping it there by magic and his probable anger had caused him to begin losing his grip on it. She pretended she hadn't heard or seen anything and focused on the other man.

"Um, yes." She spoke tentatively. Jasper looked back at her expectantly, blue eyes bright like shining crystals and she suddenly felt more of her personal life fighting at the back of her throat to be heard. She spoke again, "I have—um—I have hypo... hypoglycemia." The sickening stream of honesty was continuing to spew forth and she couldn't stop it. She wasn't blurting it out in some manic admission, either. She was speaking slowly, cautiously... She knew what she was saying. Perhaps she was just tired of keeping this from literally _everyone._ Then again, perhaps she felt better and more comfortable knowing that this man _also_ had a weakness. Maybe he also kept it from others...

Maybe it was none of those things and simply because _he_ was also there...

"Ah, yes." Jasper held a finger up at her. "I've heard of that. But—" he added, leaning in with a questioning gaze "—the way I understand it, it is not a—how should I put this?—it's not exactly a _long term_ illness, am I correct?"

Lucinda ran her tongue along the roof of her mouth and shrugged slightly. "Well, you're not wrong. For most people it's a condition that occurs after meals or because they have diabetes. You know, their body produces too much insulin—or they've _manually_ taken too much—and so the blood sugar lowers. Usually, just eating well will cure it."

"That is not the case for you?" He questioned further, lifting his salt and pepper eyebrows.

She fought the shrug that wanted to lift her shoulders and instead gave the man a small smile, as she settled back in her chair, with her teacup between her hands. "I have what you would call a _perminant_ case of hypoglycemia..." Lucinda spoke quietly and stared ahead into the flames from the hearth (she saw that the tea tray was now sitting quite still on the floor). "My blood sugar never rises high enough to sustain me. It's kind of like a—um—one step forward and two steps back type of process."

"So, eating doesn't help?"

"It _does_..." Lucinda contemplated and sipped at the tea. Still hot. Still good. It soothed her all the way down. "But it isn't enough," she continued, rubbing a thumb along the lip of the cup in her lap. "If I relied on nourishment alone, I would have to eat constantly. And when I say constantly, I mean it. I would literally have to eat something every fifteen minutes and that includes while I slept."

"But who could do that?" Jasper looked at her in astonishment and she returned his gaze. "Who could continue to do that for...for—"

"Forever?" Lucinda laughed bitterly and shook her head. "Indeed..." She stared, once again, at the fire. "No one, that's who. Not one person could do that without slipping up and dying. That's why it was such a big deal when they created the drug 'Sucrosulin'. It's basically the opposite of insulin and keeps your sugar levels high, but it only helps so much. You still have to make sure you eat all the time, but... at least it's not every fifteen minutes."

"It sounds like a real break-through drug, regardless..." Jasper pondered and sipped his tea.

Lucinda nodded slowly, eyes staring off, as if lost in thought... or memories. "Yep." She mumbled, rubbing a thumb over the teacup again. "A real _life-saver._ "

Jasper looked at her quizzically. Snape looked at her, too, but she wasn't paying attention. In fact, he'd been listening intently to her the entire time.

"Why the subtle hint of sarcasm?" Jasper asked quietly.

The girl blinked slowly and exhaled just as such, before answering. "Because..." She said after a long pause. "Because it didn't _save_ lives. It took them. So many of them. I mean, it was an experimental drug. People were desperate. You wouldn't think there would be so many people with my condition, but... but there are... There _are._ "

"It took lives?" The shopkeeper knit his brow. "Was it a side effect?"

The girl laughed bitterly again, almost absurdly. "Yeah." She turned her head to look at him. "It was the _only_ side effect... _Death._ "

Silence ensued. The only sound came from the popping of the wood in the fire. Then a particularly strong gust of wind whipped around the outside of the shop and sent a loud whistle through the air. Lucinda blinked and looked away, clearing her throat.

"Death was a risk many of us were willing to take, because, sooner or later, the hypoglycemia would catch up with us and kill us anyway. It just...it just turned out that only about eight percent of us survived the trial run."

"What?"

Lucinda felt her arms erupt in goosebumps. It was Snape who'd said it.

She inclined her face slightly and looked over at him. He had his fingers laced over his stomach in a somewhat lazy stance, but his face was full of attentiveness and bewilderment.

"Just eight." Snape stated, disbelieving. "Eight percent. You're telling me that ninety-two percent of those people are dead?" He sounded accusing when he spoke to her and Lucinda was putoff by it.

"For the ones that agreed to the trial and knew the risk, yes." She replied, keeping his regard. "That's why, _really..._ it's a shit drug."

Snape's brow descended down into a scowl. "You risked death, just to make your life a little easier?"

Lucinda scowled back. "For the time being... _yes._ "

"And your parents allowed you to do this?"

Lucinda shook her head at him. "No..." She paused and looked away from him to stare in front of her again, taking a large drink from her cup. It hadn't cooled at all; it stayed the perfect temperature and Lucinda suspected Snape probably charmed it. "They didn't allow me to do the trial... But I was a stubborn child."

"When did all of this happen?" Jasper suddenly chimed in.

Lucinda looked at him. "I was four."

" _Four?_ " Both men said in unison.

"Yeah..." She said a little sheepishly. "I was young, but I knew what I wanted. I knew that I didn't want to die, but I also didn't want to keep stuffing myself until I was sick all day, every day. My mother had to wake me several times a night to take a calorie-rich drink supplement."

"Every night?" Jasper asked.

"Every night." Lucinda echoed and sipped her tea.

"When did this illness develop?" Jasper questioned, leaning his chin on his fist.

Lucinda looked at him, eyes growing slightly wider, as if the answer was obvious. "Well..." She said after a minute. "I guess... at conception."

" _C-Conception?_ " The man sputtered, ogling at her wildly. He almost looked as if he might laugh.

"Mm." Lucinda nodded. "From the moment my mother knew she was pregnant, she knew something was wrong with me. For one, she wasn't able to have children, so it was a pretty big shock when she found out she'd managed to conceive one. In reality, I guess you could say that I shouldn't exist... and I think the universe felt the same, because it tried everything it could to correct its mistake."

" _Enough!_ "

Lucinda jumped. She couldn't help it. Snape's outburst widened her eyes and stopped her heart. The girl turned an offended eye on him. "What is _wrong_ with—"

"As fascinating and long-winded as your past is—" Snape spat. "I find it even more astounding that you've continued to sit and allow—that which you've been discussing—your sugar to drop. The color in your face has continued to fade and your hands are shaking so much, I'm surprised you're still able to hold that cup."

"Oh, I'm sorry." Lucinda snapped sarcastically. "Am I inconveniencing you? I _said_ I was going to get something from the pub."

"Yes, you did say that, didn't you?" The potions master simpered at her. "And yet, here you still sit."

" _Severus!_ " Jasper warned, staring at his friend in shock.

"Honestly, what is your problem?" Lucinda asked angrily and then leaned forward to set her cup on the tea tray. She straightened back up and stared at him in complete flabbergast. "Go ahead. Tell me. What the hell have I done to piss you off so badly?"

"You want to know?" He seethed, hand clenched into a fist atop his knee. "You're careless. You're self-absorbed. You haven't an _ounce_ of common sense—"

"Severus, stop this—" Jasper tried again, eyes shifting frantically over the girl's form.

"—You have no self-respect and you rope people into your sob story, just so you can fish for support and compliments—"

"I hate you." Lucinda's voice broke and cut through the air with precision. She fixed her professor with a look of pure animosity. "I truly _hate_ you. I hope you know that and I hope you can feel it."

"I couldn't care less, you spoiled brat."

Lucinda flung the blanket from her legs, stood up and grabbed her cloak and hat from the back of the chair. "I don't care if you're my professor—" she said, as she jammed her hat on her head and then looked down at him fiercely. "YOU... are a FUCKING ASSHOLE!"

Snape's lip twitched up at the words. He tried to return her hateful gaze with one of his own, but she had already stormed away. He blew air from his nostrils angrily and stood up, following her. As for Jasper, he stared after the two of them in alarm and confusion.

"What... What the _fuck!_ " He yelled after them, but he stayed where he was.

Lucinda threw her cloak around her shoulders as she neared the front of the shop. She ducked under a hanging bundle of plants and reached for the door handle. At the last second, she pulled back, because she heard him behind her; _right_ behind her. His boots smacked the floor loudly in his quick strides and she turned around to face him. Then she spoke before he had a chance to.

"Come on then, what else have you got?" She spat with venom. "Go ahead. Insult me some more."

"My pleasure." He nearly yelled, stepping up directly in front of her (she had to tip her head back to keep eye contact with him). "You're reckless and you have terrible judgement about whom you decide to surround yourself with, as well!"

"Yep." She said quietly, because he was close enough now that she could have whispered it to him. "That is much truer than you know, professor Snape. Why do you think I'm trying to _leave?_ "

"Oh, I think we both know the subject matter I'm referring to—"

"I don't care!" Lucinda shrugged animatedly. "I think we both know you don't either, so I'll be leaving now." She turned back around and wrenched on the handle. There was a brief blast of cold and a cloud of snow came flying into the room, but then the door was shut again instantly. Snape's hand pressed against it, over the girl's shoulder and she let out a shuddering breath. "There you go again..." she mumbled and turned to look up at the man. He still kept his arm over her shoulder, leaning over her; trapping her; intimidating her... but he couldn't intimidate her. No one could anymore. "What do you want, Severus?" She asked, looking pointedly up into his eyes without remorse. "Hmm?"

"Don't call me—"

"What do you want?" She asked again, voice raising once more in upset. "Come on, tell me! What do you want? What do you want, what do you _want?!_ "

Severus grabbed the front of her cloak and yanked her up against him. He stared down into her face and watched her anger instantly shift to fear and maybe just a shadow of something else. "I want you to stop thinking so little of yourself." He hissed.

He was close enough to kiss. She could lean forward just a couple of inches and their mouths would touch. She wanted to cry. He had been ignoring her and she'd been moving on. Now she was drowning in him again. The smell of cinnamon and bourbon invaded her senses and violated her mind. "I regret it..." She whispered and the words passed her lips and traveled the short distance to his. He heard her words and he also felt them on the warm breath that expelled from her. "Do you know that?" She continued looking into his eyes, no longer full of anger, but of honesty. "I regret all of it. I regret that I ever saw even a bit of goodness in you."

"Your mind sees what it wants to see." He retorted, still seething from his previous hostility, but it was fading. The longer he stared into her brown eyes full of a sadness that she was trying very hard to conceal, the more he thought of his drop of memory; the bit of her he wasn't meant to see. He had thought of it everyday. Instead of ignoring it, his mind had begun to actually obsess over it. For the most part, he could outwardly control his emotions and his actions, but not now. Not in this situation. Not when she said those things so calmly; so casually...

"Why..." He breathed, voice changing drastically to something like astonishment. "Why can't I get you out of my head?"

Lucinda actually looked slightly angered by this question. She clicked her tongue and turned her face away from him. "Like I said before..." She snipped. "That's your problem to deal with... or not deal with." Then she locked eyes with him again. "So, I suggest you figure out which it is."

"I don't know." He shook his head and then shook her a little. "I don't _know._ "

"Well, I did what was expected of me, professor Snape." Lucinda said in quiet exasperation. "You told me to get over it _and I did_. I moved on with my life."

"All you've done is alienate yourself from everyone."

"How would you know?" She laughed in bitterness. "Why would you care, anyway? Just leave me alone. Seriously, do you even hear yourself? You said you weren't going to acknowledge _us_ again, so what the hell are you—"

"This is bigger than some stupid memories." The man snapped, clenching his fists tighter in her cloak.

Lucinda looked to the ceiling and shook her head. "Whatever."

"I'm serious!" He snapped again and jerked her against him, once more. He didn't know what the hell he was doing. The urge was over-whelming and he couldn't stop it. "What you regret about me, is _nothing_ compared to the irreversible damage that boy is going to do to you!"

He expected shock from her—fear even—maybe a little confusion. Hell, possibly even anger (let's be honest, he _really_ expected anger), but he didn't expect this. This... this... _condescension._

Lucinda tilted her head just a little (because that was all she could really do, for his grip on her was so tight, she had little room to do anything more than that). She let out a very small, very slow sigh and then gently moved her head back and forth. "No..." She said softly and reached up to wrap her hands around his wrists. "You're too late for that." Then she yanked down and Snape let go of her. "I need to go eat something." She mumbled, as she pushed past him.

Lucinda went back to the sitting room with Jasper and Snape stayed standing there, staring at the front door. Snow covered the windows and a chilling wind whistled against the walls.

Too late?

He was... _too late?_

* * *

By the time Lucinda had reached the other room, Jasper had a plate of food waiting for her; it seemed he'd anticipated her return. She smiled in embarrassment and gladly took the plate from him.

Snape didn't come back right away, but when he did, he went to his seat silently and stayed that way for a straight hour, just watching the flames flicker in the hearth. Lucinda didn't cast a look his way. She talked quietly with Jasper about his shop and about her potions. She didn't bring up her past again. Time moved on quickly and suddenly another hour had gone by.

"Is it still coming down out there?" Lucinda mumbled, leaning over the sink to peer out into the alleyway that ran along the backside of the shop. All she could see was white.

Jasper leaned over her shoulder to get a better look and she could feel his ragged breath against her back. "It looks like it..." He observed, rubbing at the glass pane and his chest vibrated with the words against the girl's spine. "You may be stuck here for a while."

Lucinda held her breath. She wasn't sure if it was the context of what he'd said or the fact that he was pressed against her. Given, only his upper torso was making any contact with her body, but it was still contact. It wasn't like earlier with her professor... She had been pressed almost _all_ of the way against him then.

"Give the girl some space, Jasper."

_Speaking of professor..._ Lucinda looked over at the man standing just a few feet away from them. He'd walked in from the sitting room and watched them with obvious disapproval. Lucinda wanted to roll her eyes.

_What a damn hypocrite._

Regardless, Jasper backed away from her right away and the girl was surprised to find that her body instantly longed for the warmth again. "I'm sorry, Lucinda." He said and he truly sounded as such.

Lucinda turned around and smiled at him. "It's okay."

"So, how long is a while?" Snape asked.

Lucinda looked over at him, but he was looking at their host.

"Hmm?" Jasper hummed.

Snape's calm demeanor instantly began to shift. "You said we may be stuck here for a while. How _long_... is _a while?_ "

Jasper rubbed his nose with the back of his hand and shrugged. "Well, if the snow doesn't stop in the next couple of hours, night will have fallen and you won't be going anywhere 'til morning."

" _What?!_ " Both Severus and Lucinda exclaimed at the same time.

"I-I can't stay here until tomorrow!" Lucinda started to panic. "I have to get back to the castle! No one even knows I'm here!"

"Well, Severus does," Jasper inclined a hand toward the man. "He's your professor. Who better to be snowed in with you?"

Snape merely made a sound of disbelief, but Lucinda looked at the shopkeeper crazily. "I can name _plenty._ " She retorted, begrudgingly. "If you couldn't tell already, we don't exactly get along very well."

"You used to." Jasper puckered his lips slightly and looked sideways at his comrade. "Something change?"

Snape's eyes shifted back and forth between the two of them quickly. "No." He said, hardening his eyes on the other man. "Stop trying to weasel your way into everyone's business."

Jasper looked amusingly insightful, as he turned his raised eyebrows on the girl instead. "Touchy subject, is it?"

Lucinda rolled her eyes. "Just forget about it." She swatted a hand through the air and Snape glanced at her in irritation. "So, if I really am stuck here all night... Where exactly am I supposed to sleep?"

The thin man smirked wickedly. "I can share my bed."

" _Jasper..._ " Snape warned, his voice dropping to a growl.

Lucinda blushed. "Oh—um—"

" _Kidding._ " The man said, but the wickedness seemed to stay in his eyes. "I have a spare room with another bed in it. You can sleep there."

Lucinda swallowed tightly and smiled. "Thank you... But hopefully the snow stops and it won't be necessary."

"Oh, we can only hope..." Jasper said with a slow, wide smile.

Snape glared at him.

* * *

Lucinda watched the snow pile up until it reached the bottom of the window sill. It might not have actually been that deep, but the biting wind had blown the drifts so high, there was no telling how deep it _really_ was. As the minutes ticked on, her stomach twisted anxiously. How was everyone else getting on? Were there other students stuck in shops and buildings? Perhaps the Three Broomsticks was still crammed full of people waiting out the storm. At least that place had an Inn upstairs... They had plenty of beds to go around.

And what about the people waiting back at the castle..? Had they been informed of the seriousness of the storm and that's why so many students and staff were still missing from Hogwarts? Maybe no one was missing. Maybe it was just her and Snape left in Hogsmeade and everyone else had managed to make it back to the castle... What would they think? What would _Tristin_ think? And how was she going to explain any of this to him, anyway?

"Don't worry so much."

Lucinda tore her eyes away from the frosted window and looked over her shoulder. Snape stared back at her from his spot by the fireplace. Jasper had already turned in for the night, telling them—quite embarrassed—that his exhaustion had caught up with him and he needed to sleep. He'd gone upstairs just after they'd finished supper.

It was still early, but the snow hadn't stopped. If there wasn't such a dense layer of clouds covering the sky, they might have been able to see the sun setting through the window. Being as it was, the sky was dark and it was becoming increasingly darker inside.

"I don't know what you mean." Lucinda said quietly and turned back to stare out of the sitting room window. There was nothing to see, though—just endless white.

"Don't distress over staying the night." Snape elaborated. "You'll be safe here."

Lucinda watched the first flakes of snow reach the glass on the window and she shrugged with her back to him. "It's fine." She said shortly.

Once Jasper had left, Lucinda hadn't wanted to sit with her professor alone. She still harbored those angry feelings from earlier and she honestly would have rathered go up to bed the moment their host did... but it was early. She still wanted to warm herself by the fire. She'd taken her cloak and hat back off, of course, and they were sitting on one of the chair backs again. Now she felt chilled. Especially standing there by the window, which was inconveniently draughty. Lucinda shivered unintentionally and hugged her arms, just as she heard a tongue click behind her.

"Are you _still_ a stubborn child, then?" Snape said under his breath.

Lucinda glared over her shoulder. "Excuse me?"

"You've been standing there for half an hour." The raven-haired man snipped. "Are you that repulsed to be in my presence or anywhere near me?"

Lucinda raised a brow at him. His face was in somewhat of a shadow and she couldn't tell very well, but he actually sounded offended. "I'm pretty sure the feeling is _mutual._ " She said simply and turned back to the glass pane with a sigh. A moment passed and then—

"And I'm certain it _isn't._ " The man said quietly to her back.

She could see the reflection of the fire in the window. It danced behind her, inviting her to come to it. Lucinda slowly turned all the way around and looked at her professor. He was actually watching the fire this time and not her and this small comfort allowed her to take a few steps forward. Though, upon seeing movement, Snape glanced over at her. She instantly looked away from him and quickened her steps, so as to reach her chair before he had a chance to watch her for too long.

Professor Snape had taken up residence in his old chair and Lucinda sat in Jasper's. The man continued to watch her until she'd settled herself in, pulling the blanket from the arm to cover herself with it. Snape sat with his legs stretched out in front of him, ankles crossed, and his arms crossed over his stomach, hands grasping each elbow. Nearly right away, Lucinda kicked her boots off so she could pull her feet into the chair with her and then she brought her knees up toward her chest, resting her chin on them. She sat that way under the blanket, watching the fire dance and didn't say anything again.

Snape looked away from her once he realized she wasn't going to speak. The evening lapsed into silence, as the two of them watched the fire burn down to embers. Lucinda wanted to add wood to it, but she didn't dare move. She didn't want him watching her.

It wasn't until the room was very dark, that Snape suddenly stood up. Lucinda opened her eyes wide (because they had been getting somewhat heavy) and dropped her feet to the floor, as Snape made his way to the doorway.

"Where are you going?" She blurted at his retreating form.

Snape looked over his shoulder at her, quizzically. "Lavatory." He said and turned back around and left down the hall.

Lucinda chewed the inside of her cheek and looked around her. There were shadows in every corner now. No light shone from the windows anymore and the only visibility came from the smoldering coals in the hearth. She could barely see through the doorway, across the hall, into Jasper's supply room. It was at that moment, staring into the unknown darkness, that Lucinda remembered the Dagala incident. Someone had broken into Jasper's shop, _attacked him_ , and then stole an entire supply of Dagala. She'd never feared them coming back, because she was never in the shop long enough to warrant such a fear. It was always in broad daylight when she visited, but now... now it was very much nighttime. Without the crackle of the fire, the only noise to be heard was the creaking of the old walls and the eerie whistling of the wind outside.

A particularly large breeze gusted down the chimney and made its way to the girl's ankles (as she still had her feet planted on the floor). Lucinda shivered and stood from her warm chair. She needed to build the fire back up; for its warmth and its light. She needed to chase away these spectral feelings. So, she grabbed logs from beside the fireplace and began stoking the flames back to life.

When the fire was burning bright once more, Lucinda stood back up and turned around, only to be startled right out of her skin by a figure in the doorway. She gasped and stumbled backwards, falling and landing with her hand right in the bed of coals.

" _Lucinda!_ " Snape hissed and quickly walked the rest of the way into the room.

"Shit!" The girl pulled her hand from the fire and cursed loudly. It was only in there for a second, but her weight on that hand had done the damage. The pain flared up instantly. She didn't even have a chance to figure out what to do, because Snape was already there and he roughly grabbed her wrist and dragged her to her feet. "Hey!" She exclaimed in anger and pain.

"Stupid girl!" He growled and dragged her to the sink in a few long strides. "How can you be that _stupid?!_ "

"It w-was an _accident!_ " She cried, as her professor turned the cold tap on and then yanked her hand under the stream of water.

"You're idiotic! Clumsy!" He continued to spit insults, as he held her wrist in the sink. "You can't even stand next to a fire without _throwing yourself in it!_ "

Lucinda tried to elbow him away. "Just leave me alone then!" She grumbled heatedly, trying to pull her wrist out of his grasp. "Don't help me!" She tried again to struggle away from him, but then something completely unexpected happened...

Snape kept his hold on her with one hand and then his other one came around her from the other side. Both arms encircled her shoulders from behind, as his hands held her burned hand in the flowing water. His body pressed against her back, pinning her against the counter, so that she was no longer able to struggle away from him. Lucinda tensed up, eyes growing wide and uncertain. Her breath hitched and she couldn't say a word. She only waited a moment and then she tested his hold on her. She once more tried to free herself, curving her back to try and push his chest away from her, but all that did was press them harder together. Snape didn't budge an inch. If anything, it made him lean over her more.

This time Lucinda tried to move her legs, but Snape brought his forward and held them still, pinning them against the cabinet below the sink. The man's breath huffed out over her shoulder and rustled the hair at her temple. Lucinda froze. She no longer even noticed the burning in her hand. All she could concentrate on were the strong hands that held hers, the arms that encircled her own, the face that was very near to hers, the chest that rose and fell against her back as he breathed, the pelvis that held hers in place, and the thighs that wouldn't release hers no matter how she tried to move her legs.

"Stop moving." His voice rumbled straight through her.

She hadn't realized she was moving at all. She froze again and tried to breathe normally, but it was useless. She could keep her cool about many things... but this was not one of them.

Severus closed his eyes and breathed in. Her hair smelled of orchids. He never would have allowed himself to get into this position with her, but all thoughts were out the window when he saw her fall into the fire. A jolt had shot through him like lightening. He didn't know what it was. Shock? Fear? Perhaps he was just startled? No, she was the one who'd been startled. Maybe it was his authoritative instinct. That could be it... but then what was this?

He couldn't stop himself. This was the second time he couldn't stop himself during this visit with her; the longing to have his hands on her, in any way possible. Even if it was just to reprimand her or to show his power over her. Was he sick in the head? Was this just residual feelings of some memory he couldn't recall? Whatever it was, he felt as if he were in a dream, watching it all happen. When she tried to shove him away, he wanted to hold on tighter. When she pushed against him, his body responded and pushed back. Thank Merlin, he could at least keep _one_ part of his body from responding. That would have made this one hundred times worse. It was bad enough that he was holding onto her like this. He had lost his mind. He couldn't even think too hard on it, because trying to describe what he was feeling or thinking was impossible. It was like an uncontrollable urge that he was suddenly giving into. It was over the line and insane and he didn't know why, but he could at least admit one thing to himself...

He _liked_ being pressed against her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHH! What is he doooiiiing?! I hope the chapter didn't disappoint! Show me some LOVE. And thank you to LadyVain and Lasernahrwal for their recent comments!


	41. Rope Me

The room was dark. Flickering light came from the fireplace in the other room, but that was the only relief from the darkness. The alleyway beyond the kitchen window was pitch black and when Lucinda stared at the glass, all she could see was the very outline of her features. Her eyes glistened, wide and attentive, and stared endlessly into the night. She faintly registered the water still flowing over her hand in the sink, but it was like a distant memory; a dream, maybe, that she'd just woken from and was fading away from her as the minutes flew by.

All she could feel was the breath at her cheek; the chest against her back; the tight grip on her wrist...

Her other hand was free—she had it bracing herself on the edge of the sink. Lucinda's heart thumped faster and faster, as she brought her other hand up and placed it on his forearm. She didn't look down. She continued to watch her own face in the reflection of the window. If she hadn't been looking straight ahead, she might have missed it altogether: the black eyes behind her.

Snape had been looking over her shoulder, concentrating on keeping her burned skin under the flow of cold water, but then she'd touched him. It occurred to him that she might be trying to get his attention and he instinctively looked up to see what her face might show in the window. Perhaps she was going to say something; to tell him to let go of her, once more; to warn him of something she'd seen outside in the swirling snow; or maybe just to remark on the fact that he'd definitely crossed the line with her.

As he looked up, their eyes met. Whatever he'd been feeling moments before must have shone on his face, because he felt her breath quicken. Her eyes were wide as he watched her. He didn't realize why she was looking at him in such a way, until he glanced at his own reflection. Then it dawned on him: there was _want_ in his eyes. As unintentional as those feelings were—and as much as he thought they were buried deep inside him, with no chance of showing on the outside—he was horrified to see that he'd let them surface right in front of her. The worst part wasn't even this moment of transparency. It was the hand that was on his arm: It suddenly tightened. Lucinda's breath was so heavy and urgent now that it seemed to steam up the window in front of them. Then her fingers squeezed the skin of his arm, as she pushed herself back against him, once more, only this time she did it much more forcefully, all the while a gasp left her lips. He instantly felt his face flush with warmth and he fought the tremor of pleasure that slipped down his spine like hot molasses.

As if she sensed this heat, Lucinda choked out a word. "H-hot—".

Yes, it was hot. His whole body felt on fire. Snape didn't know what was going to happen next, but he need not think of it anyway, because then Lucinda suddenly became hysterical in his arms, struggling like her life depended on it, just as she let out another gasp.

"Ah—hot! Hot! Severus, the water's _hot!_ "

" _Shit!_ " The man broke from his lustrous trance and wrenched the girl back from the sink, as he only just realized scalding water was now pouring from the faucet, fogging up the window in front of them. The indecency of his actions a few moments prior lay forgotten at their backs, as he hurried to tend to girl's burns...

Minutes later, Lucinda sat in Jasper's chair by the fire, her forehead cupped in her left hand, as she concentrated on anything else but the pain in her right. Snape knelt on the floor in front of her and spread a burn salve over her palm. His movements were measured and gentle this time; thought out and disciplined. His thumbs moved from her wrist, rubbing delicate circles into the red flesh, all the way to the tips of her fingers. Lucinda sucked in sharply as the man kneaded the sensitive skin. Her fingers shook and he felt his guilt all but consume him.

It hadn't been his fault. He'd made sure he'd put the cold tap on. Even upon shutting the water off a few minutes later, the stream was as good as cold again. He hadn't done it. He couldn't have known... but he could have paid closer attention. He could have realized she was trying to push him away for a very logical reason. Instead, he'd been caught up in his silent endeavors of the twisted mind and nearly made the burn worse than it originally was. Conveniently, they were in an apothecary and Jasper had an extensive assortment of burn remedies and salves in his possession. Severus had found the best one quickly and Lucinda silently allowed him to apply it. She hadn't said another word. She didn't look at him. She kept her eyes shut tight and breathed slow, concentrated breaths out of her nose.

Eventually, her tensed shoulders began to loosen and the shaking in her fingers subsided. She took a deep breath and let it out of her mouth slowly, finally lifting her head to look down at the hand Snape was still tending to. A moment passed and he looked up at her. She stared back, eyes strangely expressionless, and then dropped her gaze to his hands again.

He followed her motions and returned his attention on the greasy skin beneath his fingers. "Better?" The man asked quietly.

Lucinda nodded.

He ran his thumb over the creases in her palm a few more times, but then his movements slowed. They eventually stopped altogether, as he stared fixedly at where he'd applied the salve. Snape tilted her hand toward the light from the fire, peering down at it closely. One digit extended and traced a faint white line that ran the length of her palm and down one of her fingers. "What is this from?" He mumbled, almost to himself.

The fire crackled a few feet away and Lucinda felt the warmth wash over her, comforting her somewhat exhausted body. The wind howled around the shop, but she was fairly certain the snow had finally let up. The man in front of her held her wrist and trailed a finger along the scar on her palm. She hadn't taken well enough care of the wound when it had happened, or else there probably wouldn't have been a scar at all.

The girl sighed gently and tugged her hand away (Severus allowing it to slide from his grasp). "It was all thanks to a psychotic bird." She muttered and stared down at the scar.

For a moment, she had forgotten that this man was not the Severus she knew. He was a different version of him; a version that didn't know her or the memories they shared. She was reminded of this when he inquired about the scar. He should have known what it was from. It was a big wake-up call for her.

Snape's memories of her were gone forever.

"I'm sorry."

Lucinda looked up at the man. He was still kneeling in front of her and she thought she'd heard him... apologize?

He had an arm resting across his knee, fingers laced together, watching her with a restrained expression, like he was trying notto sound so sorry.

"For what?" Lucinda asked honestly, tucking her arms underneath the blanket over her lap.

Snape pursed his lips and his large, hooked nose cast a dark shadow across one side of his face. "For everything." He said in hushed tones and those lips hardly moved.

Lucinda watched his black eyes. For the first time since he removed his memories, they were gentle—warm, even. It honestly made her feel better. She gave him a small half-smile. "It's alright." She said with a shrug.

He said it was an apology for "everything," so she was going to take it as such. She would forgive him for everything, because none of it was his fault. Everything was his past self's fault. She couldn't blame this man for things beyond his control and she couldn't dwell on it any longer, either. Lucinda settled back into her chair with another sigh and a gaze at the fire. Snape straightened up and went back to his seat.

This time the silence between them only stretched on for about five minutes and Severus spoke again.

"So, if your parents didn't allow you to take part in the experimental drug trial, then how is it that you came to be taking the Sucrosulin?"

Lucinda stared over at him incredulously. His question surprised her. She didn't think he'd ever ask her anything about her personal life—not after the way he'd treated her about it. Against her better judgment, she thought it important to remind him of this.

"Oh, are you sure you want to hear about it?" She asked, raising her eyebrows expectantly. "I wouldn't want to 'rope' you into my pity party."

Snape's eyes took on a dangerous edge. For a moment, she regretted teasing him. He sunk back deep into his chair, crossed one ankle over the other, and then his head seemed to depress low and stooped—almost as an animal's would when it was getting ready to snarl or strike... but then he opened his mouth and his voice was not biting... It was commanding. " _Rope_ me." He said.

Lucinda swallowed.

His face was devoid of teasing. He was serious. He was willingly asking her about her past. Did this mean she'd be able to do the same? She decided not to think that far ahead. In the meantime, she had to decide whether or not to even start this conversation. He had proven himself to be a bit of a jerk on more than one occasion ( _quite_ a jerk) and she wasn't sure she wanted to risk another opportunity for him to forfeit himself. Perhaps she should just go up to bed and end their conversation here...

"Shall I apologize again?"

His voice woke her from her ponderings and she refocused on his face. The firelight danced and flickered in his eyes. He still kept that front up, though. His eyebrows didn't twitch up in concern—he just watched her, waiting for her answer. It was as if he wasn't even that interested...

Lucinda waved a hand through the air in a lazy gesture. "Of course not." She said, dismissing the notion. "Why would you need to do that?"

"I have crossed a line with you this evening—several times."

"It's fine." She swatted her hand in the air again, this time sharply—impatiently.

"It _isn't_ fine." He challenged, voice low.

Lucinda pulled her lips between her teeth and bit down on them gently, watching him. What was he getting so worked up about?

She sighed and snuggled further under the blanket, pulling it nearly all the way to her mouth. "I starved myself." She said after a moment, watching as the flames in the fire swayed with a gust of wind down the chimney.

"Excuse me?"

Lucinda glanced at her potions professor. "When I was four—" she continued with a sheepish look and Severus suddenly realized that this was not a look of modesty—as he had mistaken it as such earlier—it was a look of shame. "My mother forbid me from joining the experiment... So, I starved myself."

"And why would you do that?" He asked with a snort of disapproval.

"I wanted to do the experiment." She shrugged. "Obviously, my mother gave in, once I refused to eat."

"How idiotic of you..." He murmured.

Lucinda nodded. "Yes, it was..." She said quietly. Then she cleared her throat and continued. "But, if I hadn't been so drastic, I might not be alive today."

"That's an unqualified example." Snape shook his head and absentmindedly rubbed two fingers along his lips, tracing the short, wiry hairs that lined them. "Life is a series of events that either shorten or extend it. No single moment determines your fate as a whole."

Lucinda thought about it, as she watched him curiously. "Isn't that kind of contradictory?" She asked. "Haven't you ever heard of the butterfly effect?"

Snape turned a doubtful eye on her. "Do you actually believe that the beat of a butterfly's wings changes the world?"

A shrug lifted from her shoulders and the blanket moved with them. "It could be possible, I guess."

The man's eyebrows twitched up slightly. "Little girls and their innocence..." He mumbled, looking way.

Lucinda narrowed her eyes at him. "It's got nothing to do with innocence."

"So, the drug worked." He stated thoughtfully, ignoring her remark. "Then what?"

Lucinda shook her head a little, looking at him in disbelief, but she went ahead and continued with her story. "Nothing, really." She said and tucked her hands under her jaw, as she leaned her head against the edge of the chairback. "I began taking the Sucrosulin and my life changed for the better."

She fell silent after that and Snape watched her from the corner of his eye. She stared at the fire and he saw the flames licking their way around her dark irises. "Why were you homeschooled?" He asked after she hadn't made any notion to continue their conversation.

Lucinda lifted her head off of her hands and shot him an exasperated look, although her eyes seemed to be just slightly lidded.

" _What?_ " His eyes shifted over her face.

The girl raised a brow, as she settled back down and continued to stare into the hearth. "Well, apart from the fact that I find it unnerving that you're suddenly so interested in my life..." She paused, unsure if she should finish her thought. She'd already been too open and honest that evening. This could all backfire on her later... then again, maybe not. There was only one way to know. "It's just a little..." she continued anyway, glancing quickly at him from the corner of her eye. "... _t_ _iring_."

Snape tilted his head at her, eyebrows scrunching together curiously. "Answering my inquiries is tiring?"

Lucinda mumbled into the blanket, "It is when you should already know all of this."

"Excuse me?" He inclined his head more.

She pulled the blanket away from her mouth. "Nothing." She said and then gave him another tight smile. "My parents never told me why I was homeschooled."

An air of skepticism entered the man's demeanor, as he turned his full attention on her. "Is that true? You don't know why they did it?"

"Well..." She said slowly, regarding him carefully. "Technically, they did not tell me anything, but we—I overheard them talking about it and from what I gathered from that bit of information, is..."

"Yes?" He pressed, unable to keep all of the interest out of his voice.

"They went to a Seer—for what reason, I don't know—and I guess this person made a prediction to them, pertaining to my imminent death if I went to Hogwarts."

"What kind of rubbish—"

"Right?" Lucinda laughed. "I don't know either... because if that was the case, they had no reason to allow me to come to Hogwarts during my final year."

Snape watched as the girl shook her head with a tiny smirk on her lips. Was she so unaffected by all of this? She shouldn't look so casual about something so potentially serious...

"That _is_ peculiar..." The man eventually muttered beside her.

"I've stopped thinking about it, honestly, because the point is that I'm here _now_ and I'm thankful for that. Although..." she added, thoughtfully. "Sometimes I wonder if they made the wrong decision, allowing me to come here for my seventh year."

"Why's that?"

Lucinda shrugged under the blanket and sighed contentedly from the warmth. "Because the Universe is still working as hard as ever to snuff me out." She said sleepily. "I've been in the Hospital Wing once already this year with a near concussion and then I almost got blown up in your classroom."

" _Excuse_ me?"

The girl waved a hand at him lazily and chuckled lightly. "Relax. It's old news."

"I find it very hard to believe that I allowed such a thing to happen." The doubt was so thick in his voice that she was almost offended by it.

"You didn't." Lucinda yawned. "I mean, it didn't happen. It almost did. I stopped it. You got really mad."

"I was angry at you for stopping it?" He asked, not believing it even as he said it.

She shook her head and closed her eyes, breathing in the dusty scent from the blanket. It smelled a little like soap and clay—an earthy scent. "You were mad that someone snuck Dagala into your classroom."

Snape stared at her, wide-eyed, but she had her eyes shut. She was falling asleep. He couldn't remember an event such as that happening in his classroom. He tried to think back to it, but he couldn't. There were so many things missing from his mind and it was all thanks to this girl. How many moments of his life this year had she possessed and now only she knew of them?

"So..." Severus said casually. "Who did it?"

When the girl didn't answer, he figured she was asleep, but then she finally did.

"You blamed Tristin." Lucinda mumbled.

Snape continued to stare fixedly at her, but her eyes stayed closed. He'd told her to rope him in... and she'd done just that, without even realizing it. He was intrigued beyond belief, but he was also heavily disturbed by the things she was saying. Hearing this was jeopardous. Each detail that he learned was one step closer to undoing the mystery of whatever he removed in the first place. He was treading very dangerous waters and she was in the center of it. He watched from the shore, the waves lapping viciously at her feet and rising, but he couldn't go in. He couldn't risk what was lurking in those dark depths...

"I don't want to hear anything more." He suddenly whispered, but the girl didn't respond. She was asleep. He listened to her deep breaths of slumber for a while, but eventually got up and tried to wake her to go upstairs to the spare bed.

"Mm—no, I'll sleep here." She shook her head and went right back to sleep again.

Snape stared down at her uncomfortably. What should he do? He was going to sleep on the floor in front of the hearth, but now there was a perfectly good bed upstairs...

The wind continued to whip around the corners of the shop and it was like a muffled scream surrounding them. Snape felt uneasy, as he looked at the girl. He couldn't think of her down there alone...

He retrieved a blanket from upstairs and then laid it out on the floor in front of the fireplace. Then he laid on top and went to sleep. When he awoke sometime in the night, the fire was out completely. He sleepily reached forward and snapped his fingers, igniting a flame a few inches away, but there was nothing to burn. The fireplace was empty.

Snape shifted his weight to get up, but something touched is back and he flinched. Even in the darkness, he could see over his shoulder at a great shadow lying next to him. Instantly his eyes flickered to the chair the girl had been in hours before, but it was empty—just as he was expecting it to be. She was asleep next to him. Moonlight shone through the window, illuminating her face slightly, and it was at that moment that he realized she had no blanket covering her. In fact, the blanket she'd been using that evening was now draped over his body and the girl had covered up with her cloak.

Severus felt a pang of shame.

He didn't wake her until he rightfully got the fire going again, and then he shook her shoulder.

"Mmm?" She groaned and cracked an eye open.

"Miss Morgan," he whispered. "You should go to the bed upstairs."

Lucinda blinked several times and then sat up on her elbow, glancing around in the new firelight. "Where..?" She looked slightly panicked and Snape stared at her quizzically from his crouched position.

"What is it?" Snape raised his voice a little louder. "Do you know where you are?"

Lucinda sat up the rest of the way and stared around her, as realization seemed to dawn in her eyes. Then she raised her gaze to meet her professor's. "I-I'm sorry—" she vigorously rubbed the sleep from her face and sat forward on her knees. "I don't remember even getting out of the chair—"

"It's alright." Snape said, reaching forward to gather up the blanket she'd been using earlier. "Just go up to the bed."

"Y-Yeah I should." Lucinda laughed nervously, as she began to get to her feet. She couldn't believe she'd laid down next to him. When had it happened and how could she have done it all in her sleep? Where was her subconscious?

Snape handed her the blanket. "Do you need to be escorted up?"

She took the blanket from him and straightened her legs the rest of the way. "No, that's okay." Lucinda replied, with a distracted look in her eyes, as the man straightened up, as well. "Goodnight professor." Then she laid her cloak back on the chair she'd been sleeping in and walked past him, hugging the blanket close to her stomach. She kept her eyes on the floor.

Snape turned around and watched her go. "Goodnight." He said, as she went through the doorway. He saw her pause, just briefly as she entered the dark hallway, staring off into the storage room, but it was just a mere second. Then she kept going and she was gone. Her soft footsteps thumped gently down the hall and then up the stairs at the end. Snape waited until he heard the floorboards above him creak and then he turned back around to lie down.

He paused, as he was readjusting the blanket. His hand ghosted over the spot where she'd lain. The cloth was warm and he felt a pull at the base of his throat, as if he were fighting off a sudden urge to either laugh or cry or scream. The feeling grew to an almost unbearable scale in all of ten seconds and then it subsided, as did the warmth beneath his hand.

As the blanket grew cold, Snape's eyes drifted over to the tankard of bone broth a few feet away. It still sat just as she'd left it hours before: on the floor, beside the armchair. She'd not made a point to look after it again. She'd not given it a second glance. Even now, Severus knew the soup inside was no longer hot—not even warm. It was as cold as the frosted windows beyond...

And that thought filled him with confusing, yet sadistic joy.

* * *

When he awoke in the morning, he wasn't prepared for how he would feel when he found the girl in Jasper's bed.

There was a flurry of emotions that ran through him—first of which being shock, that quickly escalated into anger. Especially when, while he stood there in the bedroom doorway, a pair of alert, blue eyes looked up at him with a devilish twinkle in them.

The man had been lying there staring at her in his bed, his head propped up on his elbow. When Severus turned the corner into the room, Jasper didn't make the slightest move to retreat from her. He just seemed to revel in her presence, while a lopsided smirk pulling at his lips. Snape's eyes widened at the sight before him. He opened his mouth to speak, but Jasper cut him off.

"She smells good." Jasper's smirk widened to a toothy grin.

Snape's anger suddenly rose to utter fury. " _JASPER!_ "

Lucinda's eyes snapped open.

Now they sat in front of the fireplace—the two men back in their rightful chairs and Lucinda perched in the wooden one next to her professor. She had her hands wrapped around a steaming cup of tea and her face tilted down toward the floor. She'd woken flustered and alarmed. Severus knew by the look on her face that she had not meant to crawl into bed with his friend—that she obviously had been having some kind of distressed sleep to keep seeking out a body to lie next to—but that did not make him any calmer about the situation. Had he not woken her and told her to go upstairs, she'd have stayed beside him through the night... and he didn't know exactly how that made him feel.

It wasn't jealousy he was feeling—no, that couldn't be it. He was just completely appalled at his comrade's lack of shame. Did he worry that Jasper would be stupid enough to try and touch her? Well... he would like to say no, but the truth was, he didn't fully trust Jasper. He didn't really fully trust _anyone_ not to lose their grip on reality when it came to a pretty girl in the dark of night. Darkness cloaked your senses—sometimes even that of "right" and "wrong". The dark was like a strong glass of whiskey: it allowed you excuses for actions that normally would not be tolerated in the light of day. Because of this, Severus kept his fury present. He spoke not a word through breakfast and Lucinda chewed quietly on her toast, as she sat in the little, wooden chair.

There was an unspoken understanding between them; it was obvious. The girl sat away from Jasper and instead took the smaller seat on the other side of her professor. After everything the night before, she wouldn't dare be so bold as to take his seat again. She knew he might have offered her the one next to Jasper, but the way his nostrils kept flaring, she had a feeling it was best to separate herself from the other man. It was really quite strange how compelled Lucinda was to apologize to professor Snape, rather than to Jasper himself, for sleeping in his bed. Either way, she _had_ apologized to the shopkeeper upon waking and realizing what she'd done, but the rest of the morning was spent in silence.

A little while later, all three of them made their way to the shop's front to assess the damage from the storm the night before and for Jasper to see the other two out.

"Well, thank you two for a lovely night." The shopkeeper smiled warmly at the potions professor.

Snape outwardly glared at the man and suddenly put a hand on the girl's back, pushing her closer to the door. "We'll be taking our leave now." He spoke for the first time that morning and Lucinda shivered at his icy tone.

"Thanks—Thank you for your hospitality!" She blurted, red in the face, and pulled the door open.

Professor Snape continued to glare over his shoulder, as he led the two of them out of the shop and into the bright sunlight. Everything was covered in a blinding layer of pure white.

"Be safe getting back to the castle!" Jasper waved a hand at them, while his other kept the blanket around his bony shoulders.

Lucinda smiled and waved back, while Snape took his wand out and cleared some of the snowdrifts out of their path. "Try and get some more rest!" She called cheerfully—the sunshine having instantly lifted her on-edge mood almost back to normal.

Snape rolled his eyes behind her and blasted more snow out of the way in a less-than-graceful manner. Others from different shops seemed to have the same idea and were out using their wands on the powdery drifts. Lucinda was relieved to see plenty of other students stumbling out into the street, looking rather disheveled from their rough nights.

"Don't worry about me, Miss." Jasper winked at her. "Just be sure to take care of professor Snape, there. He's looking a little... bit..." The man trailed off, face falling from its playful expression.

Lucinda realized he was looking over the top of her head. At first, she thought Snape might have been making an irritated face behind her, but upon glancing in his direction, she saw that he was still concentrating on the piled up snow around them. No, Jasper was looking down the street, towards some of the other shops.

"What is it?" Lucinda mumbled and then she recognized a face in the crowd of students, coming out of the Honeyduke's, blonde head shining brightly in the rays of sunshine cast from above. He seemed to glance over in Lucinda's direction, blue eyes connecting with hers briefly and then he quickly turned and hurried away.

It was Gabriel.

The girl turned back around and knit her brow at the apothecary owner. "What is it?" She questioned again.

Jasper paused a moment longer, eyebrows scrunched up in concentration, but then his expression eased up and lifted and he gave Lucinda a smile. "Nothing." He said and put his hand on the doorknob, ready to close himself up behind it once more. "I thought I saw someone I know, but... but I guess I didn't."

* * *

Lucinda nearly had the wind knocked out of her as a pair of arms threw themselves around her in a bone-crushing embrace.

"I-I wasn't able to get your soup." Lucinda muffled apologetically into the boy's shoulder.

Tristin pulled back and stared fiercely into her face. "Do you actually think that's what I'm worried about?" He asked incredulously and then hugged her again. "Merlin's _beard_ , Morgan, I'm just glad you're okay!"

Lucinda shrugged uncomfortably when he let go of her again. "It's not like I was out in the storm." She said quietly and cast her eyes to the entrance hall floor. She had barely entered the castle before her boyfriend had thrown himself at her. He must have been waiting right there by the front doors for her return. She had arrived on her own, as she and Snape had parted ways almost immediately entering the flow of students and staff on their way back to Hogwarts—mostly because the gamekeeper Hagrid struck up a conversation with him, as he was leaving the Hog's Head with Xavier and Lucinda then continued on with the red-headed boy for part of the way. They had talked about the storm, but not much else, and then Lucinda finished the journey to the castle on her own.

She had to admit, though... It was nice to be back in the familiarity and comfort of Hogwarts. Although she was far from forgetting what had transpired over the past twelve hours or so, it had become more like some bizarre dream. The moment she passed over the threshold into the entrance hall and saw Tristin's relieved face, her embarrassment and anxiety from the morning ebbed away. It was quite easy just slipping right back into the usual routine of being Tristin Samael's girlfriend.

Life at Hogwarts commenced, once more.

* * *

The storm had been an obscenity.

Severus had been able to keep his curiosities and obscure worries at bay for weeks and then the snow storm hit him square in the heart.

Her presence weighed heavier and heavier on his soul and it was unexplainable why that was. Sure, he knew she used to be important to him, in some way, but there was no reason why his mind should be so consumed with thoughts of her on the daily when they had no connection in the present. He was a disciplined man. He'd had to deal with many difficult things in his past, but he'd dealt with them in stride. By no means did life come easy for him, but he was absolutely able to make it seem so.

But this... _This._

He didn't like how this was turning out; this swaying of his heart for her. She was just a girl. Yes, she was brilliant, but did that make her worth so much turmoil? And she was completely careless when it came to her own well-being. Who would want to concentrate even a modicum of time on such an individual? Not him. He would be just fine if he never had to be alone with her again.

But, man oh man, would he be lying to himself...

The sharp, little needles of jealousy and derogation were pricking and poking at his back, as he thought of the girl lying so candidly on Jasper's bed. He hated the way she talked so pleasantly and calmly with the man. Just what kind of relationship did they have?

Severus knew he had no right to even be questioning such things, but he couldn't help it. She had roped him in—so tightly, that every move he would make from here on out would solely be influenced by _that_ girl...

* * *

Lucinda got to bed fairly early that night (although, not early enough to beat the Samael twins to sleep, for they were already snoozing quietly under their canopies). She was pretty exhausted from her previous restless night and was only too happy to finally slip beneath her covers with a contented sigh. That is, until the dormitory door opened and Aurora walked in.

The girl's white hair flashed briefly in the light from the hall beyond her silhouette and then she came the rest of the way into the room and shut the door behind her. Lucinda stared over at her, arms just in the process of pulling her covers down. Surprisingly, Aurora stared back at her.

"Hey." Aurora said.

Lucinda tipped her head up slightly in acknowledgment. "Hey..."

The Borealis girl hesitated a moment longer and then walked closer to Lucinda's bed (the latter watching the other with apprehension). When Aurora arrived at the side of her bed, she fidgeted with her hands and looked a little ways off to the side. "Soo..." She paused and flicked her eyes up to the girl's expectant face. "You...you alright?"

Lucinda gaped back at her in confusion. "What do you mean?"

Aurora fidgeted more, but by the end of it, she crossed her arms with a huff and said quickly, "Well, you were caught in the blizzard yesterday, weren't you? Are you alright?"

Lucinda simply looked at her for several more seconds and then she mumbled, "Yeah, I'm fine," as she finished slipping under her covers.

The other girl stood there awkwardly for a moment longer and then abruptly turned around and headed back toward the dormitory door. Lucinda watched her go silently until she had her hand on the knob and then she felt her words bubbling up in her throat. She felt a red-headed push at the back of her mind and then she opened her mouth.

"So, I'll—um—see you in class, then?"

Aurora whipped her head around and her golden eyes seemed to sparkle through the darkness. Lucinda couldn't tell very well, but she thought she saw her smile. A glimmer of hope erupted within her.

"Eh." Aurora shrugged and then left, closing the door again behind her.

_Or maybe not..._ Lucinda thought with a grimace.

Then she turned over and went to sleep, remembering only just before she drifted off that she still hadn't finished her Everlasting Elixir...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo I don't know how everyone else feels, but I'm just a little disappointed by this chapter. I think I just got overwhelmed with the emotions from all of my characters and the craziness of the situations (or maybe I'm just eagerly anticipating things to come), but this chapter was so very difficult to write. I've been reading it and re-reading it and the problem with over-analyzing your work, is everything starts to sound bad. My greatest advice to myself has always been: write the whole thing, walk away from it, then read the whole thing over and make changes. That didn't happen this time. Hahah. I tried to do as I always do and it didn't work. I struggled for the right words, the right feeling, and I ended up doing what I always do: I over-analyzed everything. So, hopefully I am just much too hard on myself and the rest of you actually liked this chapter. I really, really tried.


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